Post by serranopoblano on Jul 23, 2021 12:14:32 GMT -5
Our scene opens within the familiar setting of Serrano Poblano’s Hotter Than Hell test kitchen, but the man in question is not experimenting with new flavors in preparation for his next match. Instead, he sits on a bar stool in silent contemplation, one of his flabby chins resting upon his closed fist. It would seem as though something is troubling him.
SERRANO: Something’s troubling me…
With our suspicions confirmed, we now must wait to see if The Sultan of Spice elaborates or if he chooses to remain mysteriously obtuse.
SERRANO: Allow me to elaborate…
Thank god.
SERRANO: The last Proving Ground was totally out of bounds. There were so many flavors blending together in that mixing bowl, that I just couldn’t get a handle on it. I know I wasn’t booked to be in the match for whatever reason, but I just had to stick my tongue in there to taste it for myself! I couldn’t resist the urge to identify all those exotic spices, but what did I get for my trouble? The overpowering blandness of Will Riley, a big dash of Valkyrie, and then BAM! My taste buds were hit over the head with an extra dose of Asakura. It was just too much. I couldn’t distinguish the taste of Petey from the flavor of Dickie. Maybe...maybe I’m not the Ambassador of Flavortown that I thought I was. I’ll be surprised if I’m ever booked again...
Serrano’s deep thoughts are interrupted as his cell phone begins to ring, an electronic melody of Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire”. He puts his pity party on hold to answer the phone, hitting the speaker button so that we can hear both sides of the conversation.
SERRANO: Yello! Serrano Poblano’s Hotter Than Hell Test Kitchen, Manuel speaking.
AGENT: Yeah, Manuel. This is Bob Chutes with Project: Honor. I was given the job of notifying talent about their upcoming matches. Is Serrano available?
SERRANO: Si! Uno momento, por favor!
He pauses to count to five on his fingers, and then resumes talking.
SERRANO: Go for Poblano!
BOB CHUTES: Serrano, glad I got a hold of you. It's Bob Chutes with Proving Ground...
SERRANO: Bobby, my man! Whatcha got for me this week? Wait...let me guess. I’m teaming up with Rapture to take on a literal wrecking ball in a dark match!
BOB CHUTES: Uh...no. No dark match this week, Mr. Poblano. You’ve got a match on the main card.
This unexpected news causes Serrano’s mood to brighten.
SERRANO: That puts the Shama Lama in my ding dong! What have you got for me, Bobby? Please tell me it’s not the opener...
BOB CHUTES: No, actually we’ve got you right in the mid-card. You’ll be facing Mark Hunter as he returns to Proving Ground after failing to capture The Legacy Championship.
SERRANO: Whoa! The sauce thickens! That’s the kind of match you can serve up on a trash can lid!
BOB CHUTES: Oh...because it’s trash?
SERRANO: No! Because it’s too big for a regular plate! Hell, you could serve that bad boy on a flip flop!
BOB CHUTES: On a...flip flop?
SERRANO: Cause it’s a match that’s so amazing it doesn’t matter how you present it! Flip flop paddywhack, give the dog a bone!
BOB CHUTES: ...right. Anyway, best of luck to you, Mr. Poblano. Bob out.
It’s clear that the agent has ended his call, but that doesn’t stop Serrano from continuing to excitedly talk to his phone.
SERRANO: I’m facing a legitimate Legacy Title contender! Finally, someone has seen my value around here! People are gonna see that I’m more than a hot frisbee of fun once I beat Mark Hunter! That boy’s gonna wish he was back on Fallout getting birthday spankings from Elena DelTaco! He’ll wish he was still in the ring with Ozymanwich! This is gonna be one Festival of Funk that’ll make him think a match with Dickie Whattaburger is a piece of cake!
He pauses to hear Bob Chutes’ reaction, but instead his phone responds with an annoying beep.
SERRANO: Huh. He must have bad cell service.
He then turns to face the camera, no longer troubled by events of the prior week.
SERRANO: I’m no longer troubled by the events of the prior week! Hell no! I’m geared up like a ‘67 Chevy, ready to roll down the highway toward bigger and better entrees! I’m so excited about facing Mark Hunter that I’m sweating Crisco! If the sun was shining right now, my tan would smell like fried chicken! Mark Hunter, you’d better bring The Darkness Within, The Darkness Without, and The Darkness With a Side of Gravy, cause I’m gonna be coming at you like bottomless steak fries on a Friday Night! If you can’t handle the heat, don’t try eating me, cause I’m the spiciest pepper in the kitchen! BAM!
Serrano hops off his stool and marches out of sight, but the camera continues to roll. Moments later, his phone rings once again, and this time it goes to voicemail.
SERRANO’S VOICEMAIL: Go for Poblano!
BOB CHUTES: Yeah, Serrano? I almost forgot. The folks on Proving Ground still see Mark as a top draw, so make sure you make him look good. This is strictly enhancement work, so don’t get it in your head that you can actually put in some effort. The last thing we want is for you to get an upset win over one of the company’s top guys.
He pauses, expecting some kind of response that never comes.
BOB CHUTES: ‘Ello? Serrano? Uh...please tell me you got that.
Another pause, but still no answer.
BOB CHUTES: Well shit…
SERRANO: Something’s troubling me…
With our suspicions confirmed, we now must wait to see if The Sultan of Spice elaborates or if he chooses to remain mysteriously obtuse.
SERRANO: Allow me to elaborate…
Thank god.
SERRANO: The last Proving Ground was totally out of bounds. There were so many flavors blending together in that mixing bowl, that I just couldn’t get a handle on it. I know I wasn’t booked to be in the match for whatever reason, but I just had to stick my tongue in there to taste it for myself! I couldn’t resist the urge to identify all those exotic spices, but what did I get for my trouble? The overpowering blandness of Will Riley, a big dash of Valkyrie, and then BAM! My taste buds were hit over the head with an extra dose of Asakura. It was just too much. I couldn’t distinguish the taste of Petey from the flavor of Dickie. Maybe...maybe I’m not the Ambassador of Flavortown that I thought I was. I’ll be surprised if I’m ever booked again...
Serrano’s deep thoughts are interrupted as his cell phone begins to ring, an electronic melody of Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire”. He puts his pity party on hold to answer the phone, hitting the speaker button so that we can hear both sides of the conversation.
SERRANO: Yello! Serrano Poblano’s Hotter Than Hell Test Kitchen, Manuel speaking.
AGENT: Yeah, Manuel. This is Bob Chutes with Project: Honor. I was given the job of notifying talent about their upcoming matches. Is Serrano available?
SERRANO: Si! Uno momento, por favor!
He pauses to count to five on his fingers, and then resumes talking.
SERRANO: Go for Poblano!
BOB CHUTES: Serrano, glad I got a hold of you. It's Bob Chutes with Proving Ground...
SERRANO: Bobby, my man! Whatcha got for me this week? Wait...let me guess. I’m teaming up with Rapture to take on a literal wrecking ball in a dark match!
BOB CHUTES: Uh...no. No dark match this week, Mr. Poblano. You’ve got a match on the main card.
This unexpected news causes Serrano’s mood to brighten.
SERRANO: That puts the Shama Lama in my ding dong! What have you got for me, Bobby? Please tell me it’s not the opener...
BOB CHUTES: No, actually we’ve got you right in the mid-card. You’ll be facing Mark Hunter as he returns to Proving Ground after failing to capture The Legacy Championship.
SERRANO: Whoa! The sauce thickens! That’s the kind of match you can serve up on a trash can lid!
BOB CHUTES: Oh...because it’s trash?
SERRANO: No! Because it’s too big for a regular plate! Hell, you could serve that bad boy on a flip flop!
BOB CHUTES: On a...flip flop?
SERRANO: Cause it’s a match that’s so amazing it doesn’t matter how you present it! Flip flop paddywhack, give the dog a bone!
BOB CHUTES: ...right. Anyway, best of luck to you, Mr. Poblano. Bob out.
It’s clear that the agent has ended his call, but that doesn’t stop Serrano from continuing to excitedly talk to his phone.
SERRANO: I’m facing a legitimate Legacy Title contender! Finally, someone has seen my value around here! People are gonna see that I’m more than a hot frisbee of fun once I beat Mark Hunter! That boy’s gonna wish he was back on Fallout getting birthday spankings from Elena DelTaco! He’ll wish he was still in the ring with Ozymanwich! This is gonna be one Festival of Funk that’ll make him think a match with Dickie Whattaburger is a piece of cake!
He pauses to hear Bob Chutes’ reaction, but instead his phone responds with an annoying beep.
SERRANO: Huh. He must have bad cell service.
He then turns to face the camera, no longer troubled by events of the prior week.
SERRANO: I’m no longer troubled by the events of the prior week! Hell no! I’m geared up like a ‘67 Chevy, ready to roll down the highway toward bigger and better entrees! I’m so excited about facing Mark Hunter that I’m sweating Crisco! If the sun was shining right now, my tan would smell like fried chicken! Mark Hunter, you’d better bring The Darkness Within, The Darkness Without, and The Darkness With a Side of Gravy, cause I’m gonna be coming at you like bottomless steak fries on a Friday Night! If you can’t handle the heat, don’t try eating me, cause I’m the spiciest pepper in the kitchen! BAM!
Serrano hops off his stool and marches out of sight, but the camera continues to roll. Moments later, his phone rings once again, and this time it goes to voicemail.
SERRANO’S VOICEMAIL: Go for Poblano!
BOB CHUTES: Yeah, Serrano? I almost forgot. The folks on Proving Ground still see Mark as a top draw, so make sure you make him look good. This is strictly enhancement work, so don’t get it in your head that you can actually put in some effort. The last thing we want is for you to get an upset win over one of the company’s top guys.
He pauses, expecting some kind of response that never comes.
BOB CHUTES: ‘Ello? Serrano? Uh...please tell me you got that.
Another pause, but still no answer.
BOB CHUTES: Well shit…
TO BE CONTINUED...ON PROVING GROUND XX