The F Word: EP #14

While it’s normal for the show to begin with a shot of Winston Winfield, the middle-aged emcee is not on a stage. In fact, he’s not even dressed in his normal suit or location-themed attire. Instead, he is wearing plaid boxer shorts and an off-white tank top while sitting on his motel room bed, filming himself with his own cell phone.

WINSTON: Ladies and gentlemen, normally at this time I would gleefully introduce you to the host of the show, Mr. Julius Fairweather. However, as Julius arrived at the studio in Perth earlier today, he was cowardly struck down by a hit-and-run driver moments after stepping out of his cherished Golden Cadillac. When I arrived at the scene, I could only make out five of the words that escaped Julius’ mouth. Those words were, “Edgebrook, you dumb mother fucker.” At this point, I am uncertain as to whether he was calling Mr. Edgebrook a dumb mother fucker, or if that was directed at me personally. Also, while I can neither confirm nor deny any involvement Mr. James Edgebrook may have had in this heinous attack, I can assure you all that Mr. Fairweather’s injuries were not serious and that he has every intention of competing at Fallout’s Dead by Daylight special next week. However, due to his current physical and mental condition, Julius will be unable to fulfill his normal hosting duties. Still, being a man of generosity and commitment, he has insisted that I at least bring you some form of F Word entertainment. We here at The F Word sincerely thank you for your understanding and I’ll be right back after this word from our sponsor.








Following the break, we return to Winston’s hotel room as he is having a slice of pizza. He gulps down his last bite, tosses the rest back in the box, and shoves it aside in order to continue with his duties.

WINSTON: That looks like a lovely way to spend an afternoon. I understand Project: Honor’s own 2K release was postponed due to some software difficulties, but we can always count on the benevolent Mr. Fairweather to entertain us! Well, except for today. Today you’re stuck with me. Speaking of which, it’s time for...


WINSTON: With Proving Ground presenting its Opportunity Knocks rumble and Fallout bringing us Guts, Gold, and Glory, there were a lot of interesting moments and achievements among the members of Project: Honor’s roster this past week. New champions and contenders were crowned, yet through all of it, Mr. Fairweather was able to narrow down the top performances of the week into four worthy competitors.

Winston clears his throat and slips on his reading glasses, before holding up a photograph of this week’s first award winner.


WINSTON: First on our list is this charming looking fellow. I believe his name is Havoc and he is representing the Fallout brand this week. In order to earn his spot, he must have done something truly spectacular. Looking at my notes, it would appear that he became the Number One Contender to The Noble Championship by defeating fellow competitors; Pandalike, Levi Kirstein, Syndicate, and Pyro! Now I can assure you, that is no small task whatsoever. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Pyro on several occasions, and he alone is quite the frightening individual. For Havoc to secure a win over him is a phenomenal feat in and of itself, but to outlast those other individuals as well? Truly astounding. Still, I assume that Mr. DeMarco will reward Havoc with his Noble Championship prize sooner rather than later, which could spell a great deal of trouble for another individual on this week’s list. This is the reason he has made Mr. Fairweather’s Fabulous Foursome. A most sincere congratulations to you, sir.

Winston puts the picture of Havoc aside and then holds up a photo of the next competitor...


WINSTON: I do not know this next individual personally, and to be honest, I’m quite happy about that. I’ve seen some of the crude things he’s said on social media, and I just don’t think I could ever associate with someone of such low moral equity. Still, he’s made this list for one reason or another so let me just read ahead...ah, yes. It would seem that Mr. Williams was in Proving Ground’s Opportunity Knocks rumble for a considerable amount of time. According to Mr. Fairweather’s notes, this self-proclaimed Essence of Egotism was nearly in the ring for an hour! I must say, that is most impressive indeed! While other competitors such as Arata Asakura eliminated more people, staying in the ring against some of Project: Honor’s toughest competitors for that length of time has made Mr. Williams worthy of this prestigious honor. Even if his championship was not on the line, this achievement goes a long way in portraying him as a man who will be difficult to dethrone. Salutations, my dear chap.

Winston licks his thumb and index finger to properly take hold of Lance’s pictures, sets it aside, and then displays his next photograph.


WINSTON: Alas, I am quite pleased to welcome this next valiant competitor to the list! Mr. Long is a trusted associate of Mr. Fairweather’s, and it is good to see him receive this grand honor, even if it did come at the expense of that lovely young lady, Savannah Sunshine. What a charmer she is. Nonetheless, Mr. Long has made the list because his victory was not only impressive, but it also made him the first individual to hold two singles championships at the same time. My oh my! Well done indeed, sir! Personally, I must admit that his choice of promotional photographs is not the most flattering, what with his rather block-like head shape and disturbing tongue gesture. Still, I am quite proud of young Mr. Long, even if a frightening foe such as Havoc may be seeking him out in the coming weeks. I hope you enjoy these accolades for as long as they last, Jason! Congratulations, my boy!

Winston sets the square photograph of the square-headed man to the side, displaying the final photograph for all to see.


WINSTON: Last but most certainly not least, this week’s list would not be complete without recognizing the man who managed to secure the victory in Proving Ground’s Opportunity Knocks. Based on his record thus far, it would seem that not many expected him to break out in such a manner, yet that is precisely what Mr. Jackson managed to do. He was able to eliminate both friend and foe along the way, as well as spend a considerable amount of time in the match, even if not all of it was spent inside of the ring. Not only am I pleased to see Mr. Jackson join this week’s list of elite competitors, but I’m quite certain Mr. Fairweather was pleased by his selection as well, if for no other reason than both men have a similar taste in classic automobiles. Whether or not Mr. Jackson will be able to capitalize on this earned opportunity against Ozymandias remains a mystery for now, but hopefully he enjoys this newfound time in the spotlight, no matter how that eventual confrontation turns out. Best wishes to you, young man!

Winston sets the final photograph down and sets his cardboard pizza box back on his lap.

WINSTON: Unfortunately, that’s simply all I have for you fine viewers this evening. As I am mentally incapable of busting a rhyme or giving you valuable words of wisdom before departing, I shall simply thank all of you for joining me.

There is a sudden pounding at Winston’s motel room door, followed by the furious voice of Julius Fairweather.

JULIUS: Winston! I told you I feel good enough to do my motherfucking show! You better not be trying to do it on your own in there! I swear to naked baby Jesus, I’ll bend you so far in half you’ll get a new appreciation for the term teabag!

Winston gives the triple-locked door a concerned glance before turning back to his phone.

WINSTON: Ahem...as I was saying, I’m sure Mr. Fairweather will be back for the next episode. Until then, safe travels to all of Winston’s Wandering Well-Wishers. Goodnight.



If you would like to be a guest in Winston Winfield's motel room, all you have to do is ask. Please, don't be afraid. He is a gracious host and a true gentleman. He's also a sensual lover and promises to make sure all of your needs are met. Sound like the kind of groovy evening you're desperately in need of? Then by all means, send him a letter at the following address: