Post by Lil Petey on Jun 18, 2021 20:18:47 GMT -5
PETEY TAKES A STROLL DOWN MEMORY LANE
“Omg, what are you doing step bro?”
Wait, wait, wait. Wrong memory. Sorry everyone, this isn’t one of those flashbacks. If you’re disappointed… well… Petey’s involved, so did you expect anything less?
Also, Petey’s so rich now he’s got his own narrator so you best believe I’m gonna be telling his story right. You’ll get to see me one day too, but for now, I’m the mystery narrator just telling Petey’s story.
Now that that’s out of the way and we’ve already messed up once, let’s get this shit going.
The year is 2000 and Petey is chillin’ on the couch with his dad watching TV. Petey’s got a juice box and some cookies while his dad has a beer and some nachos. He thinks this day was like a Monday or something and wrestling was on, but they weren’t watching it at the time. His dad had some fishing tournament playing instead. Petey looks at the clock and then over at his dad.
YOUNG LIL PETEY
“Turn on wrestling, dad! I wanna see that one man layeth the smacketh down!”
Petey’s dad instantly got a smile on his face. Who’s dad wouldn’t? He just quoted one of the most electrifying wrestlers of all time and to like something your dad does is instant bonding time. His dad immediately changes the channel and Petey gets up front with a pillow in his hand ready to follow along with whatever the people on TV are doing. Body slams, neckbreakers, cutters, he did it all. Petey’s dad would even do the moves on him and Petey would try, but he’s only six here, so he couldn’t do much. Luckily his dad was nice enough to sell it anyway.
This went on for the entire time the episode was on. Petey’s mom would walk in occasionally to make sure no one got hurt and then walk away because she didn’t really like it and didn’t want her little baby to get hurt. Petey would get so good at knowing when his mom is coming that he’d play it off as if he was tripping or something and then his dad and him would share a laugh after.
Petey punched his dad in the chest and then hit him with the stunner. His dad sold it so well Petey really thought he did something and pinned him for the three count. He then ran to his room, grabbed his World Championship belt and came running back screaming.
YOUNG LIL PETEY
“I DID IT! I’M THE WORLD CHAMPION!!”
His dad stayed knocked out for a second and Petey walked up to him and put his leg on his stomach.
YOUNG LIL PETEY
“I BEAT MY DAD SO I CAN BEAT ANYONE!”
Right after Petey stopped talking, his dad grabbed him and picked him up, ran to the kitchen and sat him down at the table.
PETEY’S DAD
“Alright, kiddo. Time to eat.”
Both his mom and dad walk into the kitchen and grab a plate of food then set it on the table in front of him. He takes his fork and plays with the food for a second before looking over at his parents.
YOUNG LIL PETEY
“I want to be a wrestling Champion when I grow up!”
The second Petey said that, his mom looked at him with a worried look on her face. His dad on the other hand…
PETEY’S DAD
“HELL YEAH, SON!
Of course, this caused a little rift between the two that night, but that doesn’t really matter at the moment. What matters is Petey knew at such a young age that he wanted to be a wrestler, but it was this very moment in his childhood that changed the course of his life. Whether he bought the house or paid the bills, Petey’s dad knew that this was his mom's house and everything she said is what they did.
PETEY’S MOM
“You will not become a wrestler! That is way too dangerous and I can’t have my baby getting hurt! You need to get into music or something with fewer ways to break your entire body.”
That was pretty much the end of this talk for the night. Petey held onto the World Championship belt, but eventually got tired of it after what his mom said.
Later that night, after everyone went to bed, young Petey laid in bed thinking about the words that came out of his mom’s mouth and the effect that it had already played on him. He knew he wouldn’t become a wrestler, so he started listening to more music.
We can go on and on about his backstory, but this was all I’m gonna give ya until next time! The moral of the story… Petey wanted to become a wrestler and a World Champion but his mom basically stopped that from happening at a young age.
PETEY FOCUSES ON THE GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
SOME CREEK SOMEWHERE, WHO REALLY CARES
JUNE 17TH, 2021
JUNE 17TH, 2021
LIL PETEY
“I’m ‘bout to hit y’all with some real shit.”
Petey’s voice instantly turns you on, we know. That’s why he had to speak before we even set the scene, ya feel me? Oh, shit, now he’s rubbing off on me. Right, back to narrating. So yeah, we’re at a creek with some sick ass running water. Petey’s got a white robe on for some reason, but that’s just his style. Not really sure why we’re here, but… we are.
LIL PETEY
“A lot of shit has been going down the past few weeks, man. After I almost died to tentacle man and he couldn’t control his roid rage or whatever, I’ve had to visit my momma, gotten calls from all my fam that I haven’t even heard from in a while and so on with all that BS. I’ve noticed people have been nicer to me lately, too. Like most of the time people are giving me heat for some stupid shit I said or something, but I’ve gotten some dope texts and all that from some of the Project: Honor roster and those outside, too. On some sappy shit, I thank y’all. Some of us forget we’re humans and when we’re catchin’ heat, it’s like FUCK. I just wanna be appreciated, ya know?”
Man, you know this dude lying out his ass, but he turns around to look at the camera with a smirk on his face, then turns back and starts kicking the water.
LIL PETEY
“Nah, I don’t give a shit about that, but it has been dope hearing some of y’all showing support as I work to get MY Grand Championship back. Yes… I said BACK! Indy muthafuckin’ Darling took that shit from me and to today I’m still salty at that hoe ass. I worked hard to get to where I am, as I’ve said before and he just wanted to take it from me whether I won it fair and square or not. That’s fuckin’ the Grand Championship. Y’all know I don’t cheat or anything, but I would’ve taken that shit and defended it the right way, at least. Hell, I hear y’all on Twitter and elsewhere going along with this #GRANDPETEY trend! That shit is HIP, fam. Like y’all support me, at least more than the other two in this match, which I don’t blame you one bit.”
Petey pauses for a second.
LIL PETEY
“I gotta hand it to Mark Hunter, though. Dude started out this egotistical, shitty ass person. I mean, he fucked me up with tear gas a while back. Like WHO DOES THAT?! HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ME! I think someone said that he was tryna do it to Lance, but it still got me. I don’t fuck with tear gas, man. Laughing gas, sure, but that shit hurt. Now, Mark has been defending me and actually been… nice? I know, it’s as weird to hear as it is to say. So Mark, it’s dope that you’re working on this change the same time Lance is becoming a fuckin’ tool, but you know that your belt should be mine and I’m gonna make sure I walk out of Hell on Earth with it around my waist, yeah? Don’t worry I’ll get to Ozy Oz later, but you got my Title so you get the shits first.
I’ve spent almost an entire year here getting fucked up, losing match after match and wondering if I was just some fucking joke in this business. It wasn’t until the past few months where I realized… I really don’t care if anyone sees me as a joke, because I’m proving otherwise. From OWA to SSW to Project: Honor, I’ve started accumulating more wins than ever, getting into contendership and title matches and finally starting to see a difference in my wrestling ability. So many people focused on how I’m some failed soundcloud rapper and how I’m in the wrong business… How do you fuckin’ feel now? Most of y’all are jealous as shit that I’m in this spot that I am and I deserve this more than anyone here. Well, besides one person, but he likes to talk shit about me, so fuck that mess. All I’m sayin’ is I’m where I’m supposed to be because of how hard I’ve been working and improving. I got myself here, no one else.
You escaped with the Grand Championship after losing it for thirty seconds, Mark. Instead of just facing Cunt-Hulu as Aiden once said, you’re now facing both him and I. This is your toughest challenge yet since becoming Champion. We’ve talked a few times behind the scenes, but man, I just can’t let it go that you still have the Title that I technically won. All I can say right now is… You had your time. We can all tell that you’re going to lose this belt whether it’s to me or tentacle man, you’re still going to lose. The problem I’m having, well maybe it’s not even a problem, more of a wonder… Are you rooting for me to take the belt from you? If that’s the case, dawg, you know we gotta fuck up big boi so that we can put the strap on me-"
Without even missing a step, Petey stops himself after realizing what he just said.
LIL PETEY
“Pause!!!”
That boy is silent now, trying to recover from such a hilarious thing.
LIL PETEY
“Last thing imma say to you for now, Mark… I appreciate you helping me out recently. Like I mean that. You probably saved me from dying, legit. Since then, I’ve been working on some things to make sure that doesn’t happen again, but dude is a monster so who knows what’ll happen. I’ve been wanting this since I was a fuckin’ kid, man. To be the World Champ, although Grand Champ sounds even better. Since I was a kid… Not gonna lie, it took me a while to even remember this. My momma was showing me some old pictures a few weeks ago and I saw the old belt I used to carry around. Here we are in the best wrestling business there is with the Grand Championship on the line in the MAIN EVENT of Hell on Earth. Shit’s crazy to me still, but I’m here to work and I’m here to make #GRANDPETEY finally come true… longer than thirty seconds this time.”
PETEY GOES TO TACO BELL
TACO BELL
JUNE 14TH, 2021
LIL PETEY
“Ayo, let me get a uh-”
This was probably the worst part about following Petey around. Dude is so indecisive. He never knows what he wants even though he usually just gets the same thing anyways. Here we are at Taco Bell and this man just keeps saying the same thing over and over.
LIL PETEY
“Ayo, let me get a uh-”
TACO BELL WORKER
“Can I get you a what?!”
LIL PETEY
“Shit, dawg chill! Tryna rush me and all that, messin’ with the vibes- oh wait I got it! Let me get that Naked Chalupa Box fam bam. Soft Taco with a Baja Blast. That’s the shit right there!”
TACO BELL WORKER
“Anything else?”
LIL PETEY
“Yeah, who’s that fine ass workin’ the line right there?”
TACO BELL WORKER
“Excuse me?”
LIL PETEY
“I’m just sayin’ if she single I’m ready to mingle. You got me? AYO HOTTIE WITH THE BODY MAKIN’ MY TACO’S! WHAT’S GOOD MA?!”
TACO BELL WORKER
“Uh… your total is $9.23.”
LIL PETEY
“Oh, they got me. Run that shit.”
Dead silence strikes this Taco Bell and let me tell y’all, this shit was funny. My ass was sitting down so I had no idea what was going on. Petey looks behind himself thinking I or someone else is there, but we aren’t!
TACO BELL WORKER
“Who’s gonna run that shit?”
LIL PETEY
“Fuck, guess I gotta do it.”
Petey swipes his card, grabs some sauce from the table and then runs back to the counter where the fine chick was.
LIL PETEY
“AYO I GOT ALL THIS SAUCE FOR YA GIRL, YOU FEEL ME?”
The line worker finishes Petey’s food and brings it to him, smiles at him and then whispers something to him.
FINE CHICK
“I put my number in the bag. Let me get all that sauce on me later.”
At this point the rest of the Taco Bell employee’s started noticing what’s going on and Petey and I skirrrrrted on out of there with the food. Petey got the girls number, got the food, and soon… he’s gonna get that Title! Yeah, I’m narrating a win here! What are you gonna do? Tell someone you don’t like this? OOP!
PETEY FOCUSES ON THE GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH PT. II
SOME CREEK SOMEWHERE, WHO REALLY CARES
JUNE 17TH, 2021
Petey grabs a rock and skips it across the creek, but the rock doesn’t really go that far.
LIL PETEY
“I’ve been thinkin’ bout this whole Ozy mess and what he’s tried to do to me. YOU CAN’T KILL ME, OZY! You keep tryin’, others have tried… I JUST CAN’T DIE! I always find my way out even if it’s with the help of someone else. I have friends, people who want to see me succeed! You have a bitch who tried to summon some cult on Project: Honor, only to be taken out by some dude with nice abs. That’s all you got, fam! Sure, you’re this huge ass monster and can squash people like they’re bugs, but look at me. I weigh one hundred and eighty pounds, add a few pounds when I put the Forces on, but still. AND YOU CAN’T KILL ME! Part of me wants to think that you really don’t wanna kill me. Everyone loves me, dawg. I’m just a lovable face, personality even. It’s all gucci if that’s the case, but that means you’ve gone soft and we can’t have a soft ass tentacle man running around. You won’t be able to please Mer Bear with a soft tentacle. Who knows, maybe she got gang banged by those cultists before they got their shit wrecked.
A lot of people tell me not to poke the monster. DON’T ANGER HIM! Fuck that, get angry pussy. You make stupid decisions when you’re angry and that’s what will cost you the Title. You made a stupid decision by choking me out or whatever - I can’t even remember what happened there anymore - and got me into this match. You’ve made some stupid ass decisions up to this point and instead of you facing Mark tentacle versus blank shooter, you got swag boy up in this bitch. THE DRIP SENSATION! MILF HUNTING LEGEND!
Like I was saying earlier, I’ve been wanting this since I was a little kid. I guess you can say this is a dream of mine. It’s time I stepped the fuck up, stopped fuckin’ around and copped the damn belt! You? You just wanna pull some hentai shit on all of us and prove you’re some dominant force. I’ve been making you look silly lately, so unless you can actually kill me this time, I don’t think you got it in you, fam. I really don’t. I know you’ve said your piece, but honestly… I really don’t care to listen to you at this point. I’m not even going to listen to Mark. I’m focused on what I gotta say here, what I gotta do in the ring and the prize at the tippy top of Hell. I always thought I’d be going to Hell for some shit I’ve done, not for what I’m about to do. I’ve got people rootin’ for me. I’ve got myself rootin’ for me, which is more powerful than those roid rage ass muscles you got.
As a matter of fact, I'm done here, yo. Like I'm wasting my time sitting here talking to you fellas when I get some work to do in the gym.
I'm going to be ready for you. I'm going to become #GRANDPETEY and at this point, I really don't think there's anything you can do about it. It's in the books. The people want it, I want it, hell I even think you guys want it. Put on your show like I'm sure you're going to, but I'll be walking out with the Grand Championship.
Didn't someone say something about Project: Honor dying by Summer? Summer starts on the 20th, which ironically is the same day of Hell on Earth. I guess I gotta win the belt to save us from dying, right? Makes sense to me. LET ME BE THE SAVIOR! Not only for the Grand Championship, but for all of Project: Honor."
As a matter of fact, I'm done here, yo. Like I'm wasting my time sitting here talking to you fellas when I get some work to do in the gym.
I'm going to be ready for you. I'm going to become #GRANDPETEY and at this point, I really don't think there's anything you can do about it. It's in the books. The people want it, I want it, hell I even think you guys want it. Put on your show like I'm sure you're going to, but I'll be walking out with the Grand Championship.
Didn't someone say something about Project: Honor dying by Summer? Summer starts on the 20th, which ironically is the same day of Hell on Earth. I guess I gotta win the belt to save us from dying, right? Makes sense to me. LET ME BE THE SAVIOR! Not only for the Grand Championship, but for all of Project: Honor."
