Post by ttthet on Jun 2, 2021 21:17:48 GMT -5
Our scene starts once again in the world-famous HIP HOUSE. It's noon and TJ Thompson has just woken up. He stretches, yawns, and walks out of his room, ready to start his day. He sees Gerald the Giraffe terrorizing Charles the Monkey and slowly backs away, making for the front door to make an escape from the chaos going on in the house. But just as he gets to the front door, a guy with a clipboard and a headset pulls him away.
Clipboard Guy: Yo! You can't get into fuckery today, man! I've just received news that there's gonna be some cuts to the camera crew. They can't follow you around and film the shit you get into today.
TJ Thompson: I have a camera crew?!?
Clipboard Guy: Of course you do! Who do you think has been filming the shit you get into and turning it into promotional material! It doesn't happen overnight. But the head office has told me that we don't have as much time as we usually have.
TJ Thompson: Oh. Good to know. Also...who are you and why are you in my house? Did Gerald let you in? I didn't know he had opposable thumbs! He's a giraffe. Most giraffes don't have opposable thumbs.
Clipboard Guy: Uh...who I am doesn't matter. This is all about you, champ! And right now you gotta get in front of the camera and film your little promo thing. Quick! We don't have much time to waste! There's a lot you gotta get into!
TJ Thompson: But...I kinda wanted to go outside and take a walk! Don't you see this Godzilla vs Kong shit going on?!? It's gonna get real dangerous here once the monkey gets his hands on a sharp object. And I don't wanna be here when he does!
Clipboard Guy: Didn't you hear what I just said?!? We have no time! Now get in there and do your thing! Before our time runs out and we get no footage!
The Clipboard Guy hustles TJ into another room where a camera crew is waiting for him.
TJ Thompson: Okay! Okay! Chill! No need to be pushy, bro! Well...shit. It's your boy, back again, giving the poor souls that I'm gonna face a tongue lashing they've never felt before! But first I gotta address the elephant in the room. I don't really care about losing to Myo. You know, it's happened to me so many times already. I'm kinda used to it by now. It doesn't hurt my soul that much anymore. It's all good. We're all fine. Time to move on. But you know what DOES hurt my soul?!? Many things, actually. But the main thing right now is the INJUSTICE that happened at the last Proving Ground! The big homie Lil Petey was the Grand Champ! I was elated. I was ecstatic. Only for it to be taken away from him in 30 seconds! Not even 31 seconds! Come on, bruh! That's so mean. How could he do that to the guy who clearly won?!? It's almost like they have something against the people who've brought nothing but joy to these hoes. Rude. But it's okay. I know Petey can run for his life or whatever and find a way to avoid taking an L to Ozy and win the Grand Championship in the main event of Hell on Earth! That's the type of faith I have in my boy. But he should really be champ anyway. Just saying. Not tryna be a Karen here, but the man was robbed! Shit happens in matches. This isn't the first time some unfairness has happened in a match with one of us, but the second WE'RE the ones that benefits from it, it's suddenly bad! A damn shame. But I know Petey can climb his way back! And finally those doubters will be silenced.
The main event of the next Proving Ground is what I'm REALLY worried about. It's the only thing that really matters to me! Because I know that the match I'm booked in is gonna be a real piece of cake. A REAL piece of cake. This shit's gonna be easy. Light work. We've got the guys, Yung Sauce and Scott Oasis against a trio of people I know I can beat! Caddy and Patty are a couple of bums that I've already beaten before easily. I know I can do it again, especially with two partners that I can trust to get the job done! The only real problem could be Emmanuelle. I've seen what she can do and I'll say that it's pretty damn good. But I know for a fact that she'll be held down by the idiots she's partnered with. That's tough. But it is what it is.
But there's one thing in this match that's pretty sus. And it's the fact that I'm facing PAT THE POSTMAN AGAIN!!! Come on, guys. Don't they know what's gonna happen by now?!? HAVEN'T THEY SEEN ENOUGH OF THIS MAN TAKING L'S TO ME?!? DO THEY NEED TO SEE IT ONE MORE TIME?!? Well they're about to. That's for sure. Three times. Me and Pat have faced off three times in a variety of different matches. We were on his home turf. We were in the ring. One time he even had a tag partner to carry him on his back! But still all three times, I've beat his clown ass without any problems. He's a fucking bum. This is probably known already, you know? We've seen too many disappointments to try and pass him off as some kinda threat. He's shit and we all know it. I thought I was done with him after that first victory! But I guess not. They need to see me beat his ass again but this time he has not one, but TWO partners to carry him! Bruh. Okay.
Pat, what's good, bro? We're facing off again and I know you might even think you have a chance this time! Since you have two partners to tag in to do all the work and all. But so do I, if you didn't know. I think it's over for you, buddy. Like it was the first three times! I've handed you an L every time we've faced off and I just can't see that shit changing no matter how many times we run it back! I think you've gotta find a new career path, bro. Drop this whole wrestling thing and stick to being a postman full time. It's not working for you. You're not that good at it. That's okay. It's not for everyone. But the sooner you get out the better! Just looking out for you, man! No need to thank me! Not gonna lie, it seems to always circle back to you. Every time I take a tough L, you're there to fix my momentum and get me a win to rebuild my confidence! It feels like I can only beat you sometimes. Good thing we wrestle often. Maybe this is what I need! Another chance to rebuild my confidence and get off to another fresh start. Good thing you're here to eat the pin!
But he's not the only guy I've beaten up before. Apparently I beat people up too much. It's almost like I'm a wrestler! Pat's tag team partner as of late has been a guy named Caddy. And he's not that good at wrestling either, not gonna lie. But unlike Pat, he doesn't have another job he can fall back on. So I guess he's stuck with wrestling. Yikes. You already know how I feel about him. I beat him in a tag match so I think I'm the better man, you know? Been there, done that. He probably thinks it was some kinda fluke, but I'll prove it once again by knocking him off with my boys. Light work. But I'll say that he has a little more talent than Pat! Just a little. It's still not saying too much, but I'm trying to be nice here! I feel like he'd be better off running away and getting a new partner. Or even starting a new singles career. I should start a show. It could be called "Career Advice with TJ"! It would probably get better ratings than Fallout. Heh.
But here we are! The last time we talked I said that you remind me a lot of myself in a few ways. But now I realize that's pretty wrong. Oh so wrong. Nah, you suck ass! I don't suck ass! But you're pretty bad, dude. I know this is a big chance for you to prove me wrong here. But I guess I've just gotta shut you down for the second time. Cool. That's good with me! Because I know you'll only disappoint again. You talk a big game! I can relate to that, not gonna lie. But occasionally, I actually follow through with all this shit I talk! Sometimes I'm actually right! You can't relate to that, can't you? Not when you see yourself as equald to Pat the Postman, you don't.
But finally we gotta talk about my former one-time tag team partner and the NEW Warrior Rising Champ, Emmanuelle! Once I had that belt. But not anymore. Pain. But unlike your two partners, I actually have some respect for what you can do in the ring because I saw it for myself! We won a tag match together. That was pretty cool, right? I think so. But I got the pin in that one. Not you. You might not think of that as a big thing, but this is wrestling! Shit isn't supposed to be logical here! I got the pin in that match so I'm pretty sure I'm better. Just saying. You're still pretty good, but I'm just built different. But on my side is the homie Scott Oasis, the dude you beat to win that belt. I'm pretty sure he's not too happy. He'll probably be coming for that ass with a vengeance. He's giving me a lot of money, so I gotta let him do his thing! No hard feelings, right? I hope not. That would ruin our amazing friendship! I've got nothing against you. I think you're pretty cool. But you've gotta do what you've gotta do to win, right? You just happen to be one of my opponents in this thing, so you gotta take an L. It is what it is, champ. I'll let Oasis do his thing, and if you get squashed in the middle of it, that's too bad.
Another thing that's too bad is your tag team partners! If you had a couple of people with a lot more skill, you might have a chance! I know you can carry your weight from what I've seen, but I think your teammates are gonna weigh you down a ton. I know you'll do all you can to try and carry, but it's definitely not going to be enough when you're going up against the Big Drip Boys. Don't worry. One loss isn't the worst thing in the world. I'd know. I've taken a lot. I'm sure you can still have a long and fulfilling career even after taking an embarrassing loss like you're about to take. They call me career advice TJ for a reason, you know?
You just can't bet against us! We're too good and our opponents are too bad. We're just better in every way possible and I KNOW they don't stand a chance. Besi-
Clipboard Guy: Wrap it up, TJ! We're running out of time! You've been talking for way too long!
TJ Thompson: Huh? Really? I've been taking it easy on these hoes! If they REALLY wanted to get me started on em, I'd be here for hours!
Clipboard: Well you've gotta finish this! Time's almost up! I've got the head office breathing down my neck!
TJ Thompson: But-
Our scene abruptly cuts to black.