Post by serranopoblano on May 28, 2021 12:39:18 GMT -5
As the video begins, we see “The Heater” Serrano Poblano behind the wheel of his rusted-out Ford Pinto as he cruises along an unmarked road.
SERRANO: This is Serrano Poblano, and you know what I need? I need you to ride shotgun as we hit the road to spread the tastes of Flavortown all across the globe! Welcome to another episode of Cafes, Concessions, and Canteens!
The video cuts to Serrano inside of the Hotter Than Hell kitchen laboratory, where several covered objects are spread out behind him on a table.
SERRANO: I recently came up short against that silly suplex machine, Trey Bouchet, but that’s because I tried to beat him at his own game! Boy, was my face red when he showed me that I don’t know a damn thing about suplexes! Fortunately for your boy, my upcoming opponent isn’t a suplex machine; he’s one of Australia’s deadliest exports! When you come from a country that includes these bad boys, that’s really saying something!
Serrano begins to pull the covers from the objects on the table, revealing several occupied fish tanks. Within those tanks we see various snakes, spiders, and sea creatures.
SERRANO: In order from left to right, we have the Common Brown Snake, a Box Jellyfish, an Inland Taipan, the Tiger Snake, a Stonefish, a Blue-Ringed Octopus, the Redback Spider, and a Funnel Web Spider! In order to prepare for the most dangerous game of all, that being “The Australian Wolf” Aiden Reynolds, I’ve had my team collect these venomous creatures so that I can create the ultimate toxin from their venom sacks!
Serrano dashes for something off screen and returns with a loaded shot glass of foul-colored liquid.
SERRANO: In order to make myself immune to the deadly venom that Aiden Reynolds may be bringing to the ring, I’m gonna drink this stuff down and fight off the eventual cardiac arrest that sets in! Hold onto your butts!
Before anyone from the crew can rush forward to stop him, Serrano throws back the shot glass and sucks down the super-toxin in one gulp. He then throws the shot glass across the room and as we hear it shatter against the wall, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
SERRANO: Fuck beans! That tasted like an acidic asshole! On the bright side, it should only be a matter of seconds before the super-toxin hits my system and I start….feeling….the side effects….
A blank look comes over Serrano’s face, and if only we were able to see inside of his mind, it would start to look something like this...
Without warning, Serrano drops to the floor in convulsions, a clear signal for one of his team members to rush forward with a syringe of anti-venom. With sadistic glee, the intern drives the hypodermic needle into Serrano’s chest, injecting the antidote directly into his third heart. That’s all it takes for Serrano to suddenly bolt back up to his feet, fully awake and re-energized!
SERRANO: Christ on a crutch! I don’t know if it’s gonna prepare me for Aiden Reynolds, but I just had a 20-minute conversation with a koala that had Stephen Hawking's face! Fuck yeah! I’m either ready for the fight of my life or to set the world record for the longest hacky sack game! Aiden Reynolds, I’ll see you at Proving Ground, and I’ll see the rest of you on the next episode of Cafes, Concessions, and Canteens! BAH GAWD!
SERRANO: This is Serrano Poblano, and you know what I need? I need you to ride shotgun as we hit the road to spread the tastes of Flavortown all across the globe! Welcome to another episode of Cafes, Concessions, and Canteens!
The video cuts to Serrano inside of the Hotter Than Hell kitchen laboratory, where several covered objects are spread out behind him on a table.
SERRANO: I recently came up short against that silly suplex machine, Trey Bouchet, but that’s because I tried to beat him at his own game! Boy, was my face red when he showed me that I don’t know a damn thing about suplexes! Fortunately for your boy, my upcoming opponent isn’t a suplex machine; he’s one of Australia’s deadliest exports! When you come from a country that includes these bad boys, that’s really saying something!
Serrano begins to pull the covers from the objects on the table, revealing several occupied fish tanks. Within those tanks we see various snakes, spiders, and sea creatures.
SERRANO: In order from left to right, we have the Common Brown Snake, a Box Jellyfish, an Inland Taipan, the Tiger Snake, a Stonefish, a Blue-Ringed Octopus, the Redback Spider, and a Funnel Web Spider! In order to prepare for the most dangerous game of all, that being “The Australian Wolf” Aiden Reynolds, I’ve had my team collect these venomous creatures so that I can create the ultimate toxin from their venom sacks!
Serrano dashes for something off screen and returns with a loaded shot glass of foul-colored liquid.
SERRANO: In order to make myself immune to the deadly venom that Aiden Reynolds may be bringing to the ring, I’m gonna drink this stuff down and fight off the eventual cardiac arrest that sets in! Hold onto your butts!
Before anyone from the crew can rush forward to stop him, Serrano throws back the shot glass and sucks down the super-toxin in one gulp. He then throws the shot glass across the room and as we hear it shatter against the wall, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
SERRANO: Fuck beans! That tasted like an acidic asshole! On the bright side, it should only be a matter of seconds before the super-toxin hits my system and I start….feeling….the side effects….
A blank look comes over Serrano’s face, and if only we were able to see inside of his mind, it would start to look something like this...
Without warning, Serrano drops to the floor in convulsions, a clear signal for one of his team members to rush forward with a syringe of anti-venom. With sadistic glee, the intern drives the hypodermic needle into Serrano’s chest, injecting the antidote directly into his third heart. That’s all it takes for Serrano to suddenly bolt back up to his feet, fully awake and re-energized!
SERRANO: Christ on a crutch! I don’t know if it’s gonna prepare me for Aiden Reynolds, but I just had a 20-minute conversation with a koala that had Stephen Hawking's face! Fuck yeah! I’m either ready for the fight of my life or to set the world record for the longest hacky sack game! Aiden Reynolds, I’ll see you at Proving Ground, and I’ll see the rest of you on the next episode of Cafes, Concessions, and Canteens! BAH GAWD!