Post by Tyrant Warstein on May 17, 2021 23:34:46 GMT -5
Presents:
Chapter 12: The Five Stages
Chapter 12: The Five Stages
There are five stages of grief. We all know what they are. We’ve been told over and over again. Whether it’s in a piece of literature that smacks you in the face constantly, or some talking head on Youtube going over your favorite movie in excruciating detail. All five of these are real. They are tangible. You can witness it with your own eyes… If you’re looking for it. For weeks I sat silent. Not letting anyone know what was truly going on inside my head. To the point where weeks and days started to blend together. What do I have to grieve over? The presumed love who walked away? The rumors that a friend might have crossed that boundary? No. Neither of those matter to me. There’s only one thing I could possibly be grieving. |
Chicago IL
Time is Just a Construct
“FUCK!!!” My hand slid quickly across the table, scattering glass and the food that was delivered to us. The Chinese containers flung against the wall, fortune cookies crumbled upon contact against the wall. “Why did this happen to us?!? Where in our contracts does it say…..”
“Hey man…” James takes a tentative step towards me. “Relax, it's fine.”
I could feel my eyes begin to burn red. “Oh shut the fuck up!” The scream must’ve echoed forever. [b\“Where the fuck were you? Huh!? Where were you when I needed YOU!? Instead I get to look like a fool… and that fuck Euan Hill…..”
“Calm down.” [/b]Once again James tries to settle me down. “I took out an entire horde of those masked freaks only to be taken down by the lower card. It happens.”
“Not to us!” With a thunderous boom my fist lands heavy on the table. “We are Legacy! They should fear us! Yet once again they try to drive their wedge between us. Keep us separate. We need to be together now more than ever.”
“Well….”
The sleazy voice of Jeremy Silver echoes from the doorway. He walks in with an arrogant strut and a smile wider than you could imagine. “I wish you would’ve made that more known.”
“What do you want?” As I took a deep breath and sat down at the table that’s covered in food and liquid. “Better question, how’d you get my address?”
“I lojaked my client.” Silver shoots a thumb towards Raven, who is now brushing off his chair from debris and sits down. “As for what I want…”
“Out with it Silver.” I growled towards him.
“Well I know that YOU aren’t my client, but he is, so I need to ask. Are you ready?” He walks over and takes a seat next to Raven.
“Ready for what?”
“Elena?” Silver quickly responds.
“Yeah. You got a title shot at Fallout’s pay per view.” James hammers home the point, I assume it’s from the confused look upon my face.
“I don’t have a match with her. It’s a Fallout exclusive.”
“What does this guy do James?” An exasperated Silver turns to Raven. “This guy has a shot at the top title, doesn’t even know, and you’re in a tournament for a different title. I’m pretty sure these roles need to be switched.”
“When did this happen?” I frantically pull out my phone and begin searching through the thousands of emails.
“After your match against Ozy.”
“Yeah. There was a whole big package and Johnson announced it, were you not paying attention?” Raven smiles and shrugs towards Silver.
“Of course I don’t pay attention to what what stupid mother fucker has to say…. that and I was kind of out of it.” With a sharp inhale. “Well there’s only one thing left to do then.”
“Prepare?”
“Shoot a promo?”
“Sober up?”
“Not hang out with…”
“It’s GAME NIGHT!” I shouted as I leapt up from my chair.
“No. No. No. Shawn you need to prepare for Elena. Sloane can wait.” Raven begins to plead his case. “This is a huge opportunity for Legacy. Just think about it man. You with two titles. Me with two titles. We would run this place without batting an eye.”
“I hear you. But Sloane can’t wait. She’s one of the few people that sees me for me, and I’m not missing game night” I begin to walk towards the door. “I know what I need to do to beat her, but if it makes you feel better James, next Fallout we can go there and scope the competition.”
“Thank you, Jeremy could you get us flights there?” Raven asked as he turned to his agent.
“For you sure, but he’s not my client.”
“Ah fuck you.” I said while reaching for the door handle. “We will take the G6 and leave that fucking idiot out of it.”
And just as the door begins to shut, everything freezes. As I walk into the bottom of the frame, all Zach Morris style.
What can I possibly say to start this all off? Can I say that I have butterflies in my stomach? Should I say I’m worried about being beaten again? Should I concern myself with what everyone thinks about me? Why would I? I know what I am. I know who I am. I know that without a shadow of a doubt that this match is going to send one of us to the fucking stratosphere. Either you claim another victory over the Tyrant and send me tumbling down, or I do what I set out to do from the beginning. I came here with one intention, with one goal. Prove that I am the best. That I attract the best this business has to offer? Show the world that I’ve never been just a one trick pony? No. I came here to fight the best. To stand head and shoulders above them and look down upon them from my ivory tower. That’s the point in all of this Elena. You’ve become predictable. I could sit here with my pen and pad for hours on end. Scribbling out my thoughts, only to crumple them up and toss them aside. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, but here we are. You can sit there and deny it all you want, but everything is there. Anyone can lay it out. Just before the match you’re going to go out there and talk and talk and talk. All for the sole purpose to make the fans feel sorry for you. For you to get them on your side. So that you could feel better about yourself knowing that you got the last word in. You just can’t let something sit for one second, you feel the need to bark the loudest. Sorry doll, that spot has been claimed. No one barks louder than I do. No one walks taller than myself. You, for so long have, been in my sights. Go ahead Elena, look back at everything. All eyes were on you, but there was one pair you didn’t want. You didn’t want me to switch my focus towards you. I can sense it in you, the elation, finally after months of the talking heads saying it…. “When the Tyrant and the First Lady of Hydra face off, it will be explosive.” Finally my ire will pass from you. Finally I will be able to make up for the defeat you handed me. There is a major difference this time Lany, there are no gimmicks. There is nothing to even the playing field. This time around it’s just a straight up match. And how fitting is that? You’ve gone on to have some of the most brutal matches. You stood tall above everyone that they’ve put in front of you. Faced all comers, and have come out relatively unscathed. As I sat there ringside watching you take on three others, I’ll admit I wasn’t paying any attention. I sat there on my phone, talked to my friend Sloane, and didn’t even realize the match was over until the bell rang. You’re becoming stale. You’re becoming boring. You’re becoming a memory. |
**Knock Knock**
The few board games I have in my arms make it difficult to knock again, so I just stand in silence shifting my weight back and forth. After a few moments of silence on the other side of the door finally I hear some shuffling. Then a few mumbled words.
“Come on. Just open the door.” I said as I leaned in towards the peephole. “The guy in the lobby was a dick and went through all these games.”
The doorknob begins to wiggle a bit, and as the door opens. “Finally…” Without looking up I take a step inside the abode.
“Oi.” I was met by the palm of Sebastian Everett-Bryce….. The Third, or SEB. “You said you were going to be here forty five minutes ago.”
“Yeah, and I said.”
“I know what you said.”
“Well then.” I slowly brushed his hand off of my chest. “Can I come in?”
SEB thinks about it for a second, before he could respond the bubbly voice of Sloane Taylor echoes from the back. “Stop messing with him, and just let him in already.”
A quick smirk falls on my face. “Don’t mind if I do.”
“DoN’t MiNd If I dO…” SEB mockingly said as I walked right past him and into their shared living room. I set the games down on the coffee table. Sloane keeps seated on the couch while SEB hovers over the back.
“So what games did you bring this time?” Sloane begins to rifle through the boxes on the table. “Ohhh I see you want a rematch in Rock’em Sock’em? Is that Twister? It’s your funeral…”
Sloane continues to dig through them as SEB scoffs at each game. “What are you two, children?”
“What’s it to you?” I said quickly. “We just want to have fun and not have to worry about everything going on. Her being UGWC World Champion and me gunning for Project Honor’s Legacy title. We just need some time where we don’t think about any of that and just relax.”
“Yeah, SEB.” Sloane chimes in as she begins to lay out Twister pad and stretches.
“You know you’re more than welcome to stay.” I said as I stood up and began stretching myself.
Sebastian looks over to Sloane who smiles widely and then back towards me. I give him a quick reassuring nod. “Nah. I’d rather lick piss off a nettle.”
“Rude!” Sloane responds with the quickness of a pissed off cat.
“The offer is always on the table man.” I said while giving him a quick salute. He doesn’t respond and makes his way out of the home. The door shuts behind him, as our attention turns to the game that was set before us.
“Had to choose Twister first huh?” I asked while grabbing the spinner and flicking it a few times.
“Yup!” Sloane snatches the spinner from my hand and holds it out. “But let’s make this one a bit more interesting, shall we?”
“Sure. What did you have in mind?” Now I know where most people would go with this. A beautiful young woman, me, and a game of twister. That’s not Sloane. That’s not me, in this regard. Sloane is a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Do I like to mess with her? Sure, but she gives it back ten fold. Now the question you have to ask yourself right now is, ‘Would I?’ and that is a resounding No. We aren’t like that, and we won’t be like that.
“So for every time we fall, we take a shot.” Somehow Sloane had produced a bottle of pink vodka. “You game?”
I grab the bottle from her and quickly take a sniff. The overwhelming smell of bubblegum hits my nose. “I didn’t know they made this flavor.”
“They don’t. I learned it from Pinterest.” Sloane smiles and quickly claps her hands together. “So are you in or are you going to be a big baby about it?”
“Yeah I’m in.” I said while shrugging. “I can’t even be angry.”
Sloane gives me a quick nod, and flicks the spinner. As once again the room freezes and I pop on to the bottom of the frame again.
Do you feel that? Do you sense the tides turning? Again, you’re starting to hang onto the past as if it makes one iota of a difference. You cling to it as if it was today. As if it was Sunday. I am not the same man you faced last time. There’s a difference between Proving Ground Shawn…. a man you had to damn near kill to get a victory over…. and Pay Per View Shawn. I’ve always shine brightest when the lights are on. Please for once just look at yourself. Deep down, inside your core. In your soul. You can’t deny the feeling you have. Please allow your anger to swell to the top. No matter how long you’ve held that title, there I was. Despite not tasting defeat, there I was. I didn’t go anywhere Elena. I sat back and gave you the props you deserved. I quietly took over the Tag Team Division, so much so to the point where I have to go out there and put MY name to draw competition, and yet no one comes. Why do you think that is? Could it be Raven? Sure. Who would willingly put themselves in a match against the G.O.A.T.? Could it be that people are simply afraid of what the two of us are capable of? Surely. Yet here I was trying to get any team to step up, and they wouldn’t. Actions speak louder than words. I asked for competition. I begged the masses, and what do I get in return? You. I get to square off with you and your stupid fucking hashtag…. #MyLegacy To you that’s what this has always been about. Your Legacy. From showing the world that you can beat ‘family’, that you can take on under qualified outsiders, that you are the BEST. That’s your Legacy. That is what you crave. It’s what drives you. Do you want to know what my Legacy is? It’s fighting no matter the scenario. It’s getting back up despite being told to stay down. It’s going toe to toe with everyone and anyone. That’s where our comparisons end. My Legacy is one built on brutality. It’s one built on showing not just Project Honor, but the whole world, that I am the best. It’s showing you that despite the respect that is there… It all means nothing when that bell rings. That I don't care whether you’re friend or foe. Loved or hated. I do one thing and one thing only…. |
I Won!
Okay not really. I fell on my face…. A Lot, but I feel like I won. I did catch the W in robots. I’m buzzing pretty hard at the moment, it was some weak ass vodka. As I stumble out of Sloane and SEB’s townhome and into the hallway I lean up against the wall and turn towards Sloane who is still standing at the door.
“Same time next week?” She asks with a devilish grin on her face.
“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I said while propping myself up and attempting to steady myself.
“Good. Are you okay to get home? You can crash on the couch if needed.” Sloane asks with a hint of worry in her voice.
“I’ll be fine. I’ll Uber it.” As I pull out my phone and haphazardly wave it in her face. “And that’s no way to talk to your Rock’Em Sock’Em champion.”
Sloane huffs and crosses her arms. “You cheated…. Again!”
“No pics, no proof.” I shoot Sloane some finger guns and a click of my tongue. “Until next time Sky Queen.”
I stumble my way towards the elevator and as the final ding of it landing on my floor, I can feel a buzz in my pocket. “Fuckin Uber is here already?” I pull out my phone and all I see is a text message, and before I could put the phone away another text floods in. Then another. Before I knew it it was a constant stream of notifications and texts. I glared down and as I did my heart sunk deep into the pit of my stomach as I walked into the elevator and mindlessly pressed the button.
“How could he.”
“He wouldn’t.”
“No. I know he didn’t.”
The flood of all the social media, pouring in sobered myself up real quick. At first I was denying it, then angry, then bargaining.
“Even if he did, it doesn’t matter.”
“How could he?”
“It is what it is.”
Finally anger and acceptance. What they do or have done is none of my concern. I’ve only got one thing to focus on… Elena. That’s it. That’s my bargain. I’m going to focus all of my energy on her, and watch the world of Project Honor crumble to my feet.
The door dings and they slide open. No one was there. No paparazzi, no fans wanting the scoop. I was alone on this journey. My climb to the top. My ego bruised. I stood there on the corner of the street, waiting for the uber to arrive. As I held my own head in my hands.
“I’ll give anything for it to not be true.”
“Anyone but him.”
The car arrived and with a quick honk of its horn, I was taken out of my state of mind. As I got into the car I was greeted by a young man.
“Wait… I know you.” He said with a gleeful tone. “I just want to say I’m a big fan….”
“Thanks.” I said as I shut the door behind me and buckled my seatbelt. “Just take me home please. I’ll sign whatever you want when you get me home.”
The man smiled and began to drive us away. Every so often he would glance down at his phone and then smile and speak in hushed tones through his AirPods. It wasn’t long before we were pulling up to the house. He quickly turned around and handed me a notebook and a pen. Without hesitation I scribbled my name down and exited the vehicle. As I began to walk up the driveway towards my house, I heard the window on the car begin to roll down. As I turn around I see the man giving me a thumbs up. “Fuck that bitch man.” I just give him a slight nod and continue towards the house.
My hand reaches for the handle as the world freezes once more. As I walk back into frame looking a bit somber this time.
Go back and look. Not once did I say I was going to *Redacted*... because you can ask everyone, they know the outcome, so I don’t even need to annunciate it to the world. Yet here we both are screaming into the ether. One of us ready to accept the challenge put before them, and the other begging for just one more day in the spotlight. That’s why you flaunted your title before me at the last Fallout. It’s why my nonchalance got to you. You couldn’t believe that I wasn’t paying YOU any attention for one night. Imagine what’s going to happen when you’re fully in my rear view mirror. Lay your head down on your pillow. Close your eyes. Dream of what you really want. Then pray to whatever being you want. Please, oh please, let me retain. I’ll do anything. I’ll give everything. And that’s what you’re going to have to do Elena. You’re going to need to give everything. Your blood, sweat and tears. All for the chance to do it again. For the chance to beat me for a second time. They say history repeats itself, and most of the time it’s true. Elena…. I’ve come to bargain. I didn’t ask to be out here right now. I didn’t want it to happen without all the flair and grandiose expectations that come along with it. We both should feel slighted that this happened like this. You being the TOP champion. ME a champion in my own regards. And yet we can’t even Main Event a show held by your own Brand. Who is to blame? It’s not me. Remember, I didn’t ask for this. It’s not Johnson. He just booked it. It’s you. You’re to blame. Remember when I said you’re stale? They see it. I see it. We all see it. |
Cold.
So cold.
Have you ever been to a point where you’re just numb. Sure I was mad that things didn’t go my way, and that the plans I had laid out didn’t pan out fully. I was already broken. I was already at my wits end.
The clanging of an empty bottle on the table, the mess from earlier still scattered around. “Fuck me.” I hold the empty bottle up towards the light and lean back in my chair. The room begins to swirl. The lights begin to blend together.
With a deep cough and a hoarse tone I compose myself and sit upright. Leaning both my elbows on the table. “I’ve got to slow down.” As I toss the empty bottle to the side, as I search the table for another drink. “Fuck. Why is the bourbon always gone? I don’t want to get up just to make more mistakes” I knew right then and there if I had one more drink, something bad was going to happen. I was one step away from falling off the edge. I’ve been here before and I know what happens next if the decision isn’t the right one. “I should just go lay down…”
As I stand up, my legs buckle underneath my weight. I catch myself before I fall to the ground. Wobbly I make my way towards my bedroom. Under the best of circumstances there’s no one there, just these days it feels even more… empty. As I fall face first onto the bed and sprawl out, a sense of dread flows freely over my body.
Slightly frantic I pull out my phone. The low light emitting blinds me only momentarily, as I scroll through my contacts. “Kasey?” The thought of calling her entered my mind, if only for a second. Would she listen? Of course she would. She is a warm soul, who would listen to anyone. Do I think she’d understand and accept everything that comes with Shawn? Unfortunately there aren’t many, I am hopeful for that day, but she’s not there yet. “Sloane?” One of my best friends in this world, I don’t want her to see me in this frame of mind. This is my battle to fight, and while I know she would fight it with me, I wouldn’t want to burden her.
Deeper and deeper into my weirdly long rolodex, as James explained, I begin seeing names from the distant past that I wouldn’t bother with this. “Drew...Robert….Heather.” All names of people who would listen, but not care in the end. I finally reached the name I’ve been avoiding this whole time. As I pressed the call button, I was quickly treated to a voicemail.
“So it’s like that huh? The classic ignore the call? Fuck You. We need to talk. My place, in the morning.”
I hang up the call and set the phone down on the nightstand. As my hand drifts off of the table and onto the side of the bed, once again everything freezes. I slide into the bottom of the frame, just shaking my head in disappointment.
And that’s just it right? We are stuck in a cyclical war of words. Like I’m Strange and your Dormammu. Time and time again I show up. Ready to fight. And over time you become weary of what’s happening. Until one day you finally relent. That’s when I’m going to strike. Right then, when you are at the end of your ropes. When all hope is lost, that’s when the real me will show up. The one without empathy. The one who has fought more demons and survived more tragedies than you can imagine. I don’t get depressed, I get anxious. I sit on the edge of my seat, foot tapping rapidly. Knowing that what I have to do isn’t going to make many people like me. Hell I’d be shocked if anyone even said congratulations. In victory… Or defeat… I wish for one second that I cared about people as much as you do Elena. You want everyone to like and love you. You want their adoration. While I may be an addict, don’t think for one second you aren’t either. That feeling you get when you see your promos get passed around like a beer bong at a high school kegger. The smile that comes across your lips with every twitter notification. Everyone and anyone sucking the dick of the great Elena. I’m not like them, I am not like you. I don’t feel the need to be accepted. I just am who I am. That’s your addiction. You get off on the fact that everyone loves you. It’s why you cast a side eye towards me. It’s why right now you’re fuming, and frothing at the jaw. How could he? What is his problem? How? Simple, I don’t care. My problem? It’s this grandiose idea that you are the best. You got lucky once before, and the horseshoe has been fully removed from your ass. I took it lightly last time. I said what happens, will happen. This time, you get all of me baby. I hope to god that when this is done, and you have finally met your demise. Your true addiction will show. The shakes…. The fragility…. The depression. No one will care that you won or lost. They won’t be talking about you at all. And that’s going to hurt more than anything. Most people won’t support you, until they see it’s popular to do so. So please Elena… read the room when this is over. Double back and see who will still be there when this is over. My door is always open. |
The following morning I woke up with a pounding headache, phone dead because my dumbass forgot to plug it in overnight. It was probably for the best with everything crumbling.
The Legacy that I had built. That We had attempted to pass on to others was falling. My life was in shambles, what was once bright, now seemed darker than ever.
**Knock, Knock**
The throbbing in my brain made each knock sound as if someone was taking a two by four to my skull. Slowly I shuffle towards the door, and as I reach for the knob it twists open and the door is flung in my direction. “What the fuck? I’m right here!” I shouted as I avoided the rogue door.
“Well you said come here in the morning.” Raven bursts through the door, two coffees in hand. “Sounds like you were having a rough one last night.”
“You could say that…” Raven extends a coffee as he walks past me, still rubbing my eyes as I grab ahold of the cup.
“So what’s up?” James asks as we walk into the kitchen. He takes a seat on one of the island seats while I lean up against the stove.
“I just…” I pause for a moment to take a sip of the coffee. “You know I’ve been nothing but honest with you…”
“Shawn. I know where this is going and…” James tried to interrupt, but I powered through.
“I don’t care.” The look of surprise and shock covers James’ face. He closes his eyes tightly and then shakes his head. “I just don’t care anymore.”
“Nothing happened.” James reassures.
“James. I don’t care. If it did. If it didn’t. It’s not what matters right now.” I pause briefly. “I mean if it happened I’m not gonna be happy about it, but I don’t care if you ran a train on her and her three sisters…”
“She has three sisters?”
“Yeah.” I said matter of factly. “The point is James, all I need to care about right now is that when we defend our tag team titles you’re there. That when I reach for the tag, you aren’t suddenly going to pull your hand back.”
“Of course.”
“Everything we’ve fought for is falling, and we…. No, I can’t allow one person to throw everything off. We need to start anew. The Calamity isn’t showing up. The Aussie isn’t coming. We need a new plan.” I look at Raven who is nodding in agreement. “Our numbers are dwindling faster than we recruit. We don’t have Jax, Noah is AWOL, and Betsy is out doing her own things. We need our plan.”
“So we plan.” With that Raven stands up and gives me a reassuring nod. “We go to Fallout. You scope out Elena, and we take every piece of gold this company has and store it on the mountain top like fucking Smaug of the skies.”
“No.” I said with a smile on my face. “We go there, you scout. I’ll ignore everything.”
“But….”
“You’re doing the scouting, for me. If she thinks I’m not paying attention, that’s on her.”With a quick wink. “But for real though. If you fucked her….”
“I didn’t!”
“If you did…”
“I swear.”
“Betsy would have your balls. You know that right?”
“Yeah.”
As I take one last sip of my coffee everything once again freezes. This time I set the coffee cup down, as Raven stands there being the pretty boy he is.
That’s it. That right there is how I could possibly grieve over something that didn’t happen. I was in denial that it could’ve happened. Angry over the fact that it might have happened. Begged and Pleaded to make it not true. Allowed my own thoughts to cause a slight bout of depression. Finally, I accepted the fact that even if it did happen, there’s nothing I could do to change it. I am of course speaking about you Elena. I know you see this. You sure as hell did the last time. Bringing up closed door sessions with a therapist, but that’s okay. I see it now. You’ve already started the grieving process. Denial that I could possibly beat you, anger that I’m inevitably going to take your title, bargaining to get it out on your own brand's show, having a case of the big sads because you know what happens next. All you’ve got to do is clear that last hurdle. Accept it. And then finally here we are, the day of. Weeks of build, just to get to this point. The match everyone wanted to see since the last time we stood across from one another. I only need to ask you one thing Elly… Are you ready? Are you ready to finally see what all my hype is about? Are you ready to stand across the ring from a certified Legend? From a man who built himself from the ground up? A man who doesn’t understand the word quit? Are you? You better be, or else it’s going to one long fucking night for you. I mean think about this for a second… Yet another Fallout branded PPV, and yet again here I AM, front and center. I remember last time you said… “I bit off more than I could chew…” and “I never bite more than I can chew.” That’s where you’re wrong. I just took the time to savor the meal. Chewing with a purpose. Allowing YOUR own ego to grow. To swell up to the size rivaling my own. Why? Simply put, it’s so much sweeter to the taste buds to taste the irony within their statements. So the fact that you’re being sent back for seconds tells me everything I need to know. You may not bite more the first time, but you can’t resist dessert. Again I remember you saying something along the lines of ‘A lot of Blah Blah Blah.’. Pot meet kettle. You’re the queen of running off at the mouth, with no substance. Again I’ve already stated as much earlier, but what do you care, right? Remember you said it yourself. No Regrets, No Hard Feelings. I’ve been completely forthright in all of this. I’ve accepted my fate here. It’s Fallout. We all know what that means. Yet I won’t for one damn second allow you to think I’m not going to go on there with bad intentions. My last match I lost, and here I am. I’m standing right across from you. There will be no hesitation in what I’m going to do to you in the ring. There will be nothing left for me when it’s over. I will walk out of Disputed Territory the FIRST Project Honor Double Champion. All but cementing my place in this company’s history. You will have fallen. Your prize possession, lost. Broken, battered, and alone. Well at least until you get home. Go home after the match Elena. Talk to your daughter. Tell her that everything is going to be okay. The blood? All a part of the show. The agony she saw on your face? Mommy’s just acting. Tell her, Shawn isn’t really hurting mom, he likes mom. That all of this is part of the job. Four lies and one truth. Lie to her. Lie directly to her face. |
