Post by serranopoblano on May 14, 2021 19:54:01 GMT -5
At an undisclosed location lies the Hotter Than Hell test kitchen, where Serrano Poblano is hard at work perfecting his latest creation; a table mounted mechanism to launch the world's hottest genetically modified pepper at either an opponent or a casual diner. A bottle of Jagermeister sits beside him, his reward for a hard day's work. Wearing safety goggles and laboratory grade gloves, he opens his container of peppers, releasing a visible cloud of hot steam. He reaches in to grab a pepper, its skin pure black with red streaks, not unlike what you might expect of a venomous snake. He carefully places the pepper on his contraption and then grabs his bottle of Jager before taking a step back.
"I may have defeated the evil Postman known as Pat, but a true combat chef knows that his work is never done! With this amazing...contraption...I will find victory over Trey Bouchet in the darkest of matches, thus showing everyone that I'm no more a laughing stock than their beloved Lil' Petey! My 37 step plan for defeating Elena DeDraca begins now!"
Serrano takes a big swig and then pulls a long string to activate his device. After a series of clicks and more moving parts than are necessary, the contraption launches the pepper toward Serrano, who deftly catches it between his teeth!
"Uckin A, itches! I caught dat moerucker!"
He then bites down so that he can speak more clearly, sending the pepper juices down his flabby gullet.
"I said, 'fuckin'-a, bitches! I caught that motherfucker'! Oh...oh fuck my ass sideways! That's hot! THAT'S SO FUCKING HOT!!!
With no other relief available, Serrano begins to chug at his bottle of black licorice flavored alcohol. He then begins to stagger away, leaving the camera rolling.
ONE HOUR LATER
Serrano's flame print shirt is now unbuttoned to reveal his pasty white chest and his cheeks are flushed red. He leans on the counter with his half empty bottle, staring at his creation.
"I shtill need to name this shunovabich. Pepper launcher is too plain...the Serrano Seige Machine is too complex...
Absentmindedly, he opens the lid to his pepper container, reaches in, and tosses another red-striped monstrosity into his mouth.
"Maybe the Poblanopult…"
He begins to chew, still unaware of what he's done.
"Oh...oh jumpin' Jesus with a hacky sack! My third heart...can't handle the heat of Satan's glistening taint!"
Once again he pulls back his bottle, this time draining it of its contents. Once he has had a moment to subdue the flaming pain in his mouth, he comes upon a realization.
"Satan's Glistening Taint...that'sh a great name for my pepper. I need to trademark that shit. Yet shtill the name of this devish eludes me! Curses!!!"
ANOTHER HOUR LATER
Serrano is staggering around Hell's Test Kitchen, still thinking of a name for his creation despite being completely sloshed.
"Tha Fires of my Anus...Shooper Shlingshot o' Death...Tasty Tosser…"
Serrano then stumbles forward onto the counter, smashing his creation with his drunken girth. It is in that moment of clarity that it finally comes to him.
"The Trey Bouchet! That'sh it! Cause it's a worthlesh pile o' broken shit! Fuck 'em!"
With that, Serrano rolls toward the camera, crushing it and blissfully bringing his promo to an end.
"I may have defeated the evil Postman known as Pat, but a true combat chef knows that his work is never done! With this amazing...contraption...I will find victory over Trey Bouchet in the darkest of matches, thus showing everyone that I'm no more a laughing stock than their beloved Lil' Petey! My 37 step plan for defeating Elena DeDraca begins now!"
Serrano takes a big swig and then pulls a long string to activate his device. After a series of clicks and more moving parts than are necessary, the contraption launches the pepper toward Serrano, who deftly catches it between his teeth!
"Uckin A, itches! I caught dat moerucker!"
He then bites down so that he can speak more clearly, sending the pepper juices down his flabby gullet.
"I said, 'fuckin'-a, bitches! I caught that motherfucker'! Oh...oh fuck my ass sideways! That's hot! THAT'S SO FUCKING HOT!!!
With no other relief available, Serrano begins to chug at his bottle of black licorice flavored alcohol. He then begins to stagger away, leaving the camera rolling.
ONE HOUR LATER
Serrano's flame print shirt is now unbuttoned to reveal his pasty white chest and his cheeks are flushed red. He leans on the counter with his half empty bottle, staring at his creation.
"I shtill need to name this shunovabich. Pepper launcher is too plain...the Serrano Seige Machine is too complex...
Absentmindedly, he opens the lid to his pepper container, reaches in, and tosses another red-striped monstrosity into his mouth.
"Maybe the Poblanopult…"
He begins to chew, still unaware of what he's done.
"Oh...oh jumpin' Jesus with a hacky sack! My third heart...can't handle the heat of Satan's glistening taint!"
Once again he pulls back his bottle, this time draining it of its contents. Once he has had a moment to subdue the flaming pain in his mouth, he comes upon a realization.
"Satan's Glistening Taint...that'sh a great name for my pepper. I need to trademark that shit. Yet shtill the name of this devish eludes me! Curses!!!"
ANOTHER HOUR LATER
Serrano is staggering around Hell's Test Kitchen, still thinking of a name for his creation despite being completely sloshed.
"Tha Fires of my Anus...Shooper Shlingshot o' Death...Tasty Tosser…"
Serrano then stumbles forward onto the counter, smashing his creation with his drunken girth. It is in that moment of clarity that it finally comes to him.
"The Trey Bouchet! That'sh it! Cause it's a worthlesh pile o' broken shit! Fuck 'em!"
With that, Serrano rolls toward the camera, crushing it and blissfully bringing his promo to an end.