Post by MYŌJIN on Apr 23, 2021 21:48:27 GMT -5
“再び。 (Again.)”
“お父さん、もうこれはやりたくない... (Dad, I-I don't want.. to do this anymore…)” A young Shouta murmured as he sat on the padded mat, located inside the Kuromiya family gym. Tears formed in his eyes as he sat with his knees brought to his chest.
“再び。 (Again.)” The voice of his father rang out, sterner and with a more intimidating tone- causing his lip to quiver. He did his best to try and not let tears flow- but the paced beating of his chest, the anxiety he felt as he still sat, was too much. It felt like he couldn't breathe...
His father kneeled down, standing in front of him with a stern, neutral look on his face. Shouta hated when he looked at him like that. “立ち上がって再試行しないと、これでうまくいくことはありません。あなたは黒宮です、あなたは弱くはありません。ここで、ターゲットの頭を再び狙います。 (You won't get better at this if you don't get back up and try again. You are a Kuromiya, you are not weak. Now AIM for the target's head again.)”
Shouta let out a shaky breath and stood, turning back to the practice dummy as he chewed on his lip nervously… Frightened beyond belief at the mere thought of failing again.
That memory never really faded away for the blonde, not even almost fifteen years later. Shouta had never realized just how much his father had terrified him then… and how much he hated that man for it. His father had never harmed him physically or verbally humiliated him- No, but the pressure.
The pushiness. Making him feel like he was never good enough. He wanted his approval, his validation- but instead, all he received was disappointment and anger with everything his father deemed less than perfection.
That was what his childhood was like.
Throughout his entire life, Shouta or MYOJIN had always felt like he was being pulled in different directions.
During his childhood and teen years, decisions were always made for him- never by him. There was never really a sense of freedom- honestly, for the longest time.. he had believed that was simply just normal that way. Like his brother, like his sister- Shouta was always expected to be great. Both of his parents wanted that from him, the problem was that neither of them could agree on what they wanted to force him to become really. A bitter divorce, after all, led to a conflict of interest for the youngest Kuromiya.
His father and mother's relationship deteriorated due to his career choices. His mother has eventually grown tired of seeing her husband put himself through so much. He was once a successful and dominant fighter, but time was never patient with people- it didn't wait for anyone. Not even someone that would desperately try to cling onto his fleeing greatness as his body aged, the injuries and concussions piled on, and depression latched onto him once the old man realized he was past his prime. It wasn't something easy to accept- so Shouta's father began to almost seemingly despise being a family man, as if they were to blame for holding him back. He wanted to cling to his legacy- and projected that onto his children. Always pushing them to their limits in order to make them the best, to preserve his legacy- even if they didn't truly want to. Shouta's siblings were made into prodigies, and while their upbringing was harsh as they were molded into fighters- Shouta had never really seemed to be on their level, though, did he?
Then there was his mother, a former model, and actress who had made a decently successful living. She never liked the pressure that the old man put on their kids. She never really wanted their kids to get into such a brutal sport anyways. She hated how much the man she fell in love with seemingly began to slowly but surely disappear. While Akira and Satoshi had made their choices, Shouta was still her youngest- she tried to steer him away from that life, pushing him toward modeling and fashion- but unfortunately ended up doing the same thing his dad did; choosing his life for him.
It's funny how those things were incorporated into the persona he had built as a wrestler.
Daddy and mommy issues, who DIDN'T have them in professional wrestling, right?
And all the while, while the oldest and middle child by that time were able to move on and pursue their own goals- it left the youngest child to be caught in between. His mother wanted him to get into modeling. His father wanted him to train and become an MMA fighter. Shouta did both, and never felt truly happy with either. He wanted more than that.
Shouta needed more than that.
For a time, he even despised both- two things that would influence his wrestling career were at first nothing to him but nuisances. There was that pressure, between trying to be what his separated parents wanted him to be. He began to feel that he was less like a son and more like a drone, never allowed to think for himself or be himself. He had to be perfect- he had to look his best, he had to be a prodigy like his siblings, he had to be the golden boy- because if he wasn’t, then what was he worth?
For a long time, Shouta found himself trying to be everyone's favorite friend, a crowd-pleaser. Years of feeling like he needed to meet people’s standards left him tired and jaded. Then he discovered wrestling, an outlet where he could let out his frustrations, the anger that he did his best to control as a teenager- He thought that he could finally feel free for once… and for a while he did.
But good things never last forever, do they? Disappointment after disappointment. Failure after failure. Shouta tried to let go of the aggression that grew within him through the years, that resentment that for a while ate him up inside for so long- but in an ironic turn of events- he realized it was the one thing he missed that had completed him. It completed him, giving him the edge that he had been missing- along with the attitude to survive in such a cruel business.
Though not everyone seemed to be very welcoming of his change, his rebirth. The PR of Project: Honor hadn't appreciated the way he handled the interview he had on the last Proving Ground episode. Nearly kicking someone's head off in response to a question wasn't exactly the best looking… but more importantly, they were worried they could have been sued. So he had been fined, not that Shouta cared that much in that regard- but after a shouting match with Rock Johnson, about how he could fire the young wrestler if he really wanted to and that his tantrums were growing out of control… So, to deal with that, he had been set to see a therapist to deal with his "irrational anger issues"- against his will, of course. Or else he was threatened with suspension.
Fun.
So, there he was- sitting in a waiting room with a few others sitting around. Most were young adults or older teens with their parents. It was a place for psychological therapy for athletes. There was some stereotypical, relaxing music playing as the blonde sat with a leg crossed. He tapped his foot impatiently in thought, looking back and forth with a sigh- if he had no other choice, he would at least like to have gotten through with it as fast as possible. His impatience was growing...
“Shouta? Shouta Kuromiya?”
And then, his attention was finally caught. The blonde looked up to see who he presumed would be his therapist. “Yep, that's me.”
A man with well-kept stubble and greying hair along with thick-rimmed glasses. “It's good to meet y-” Standing up, he walked into the room without much of another word- or even really a second look at the man.
He sat down in the room and crossed his arms, taking a deep breath. “Before we get this over with, I'd like to just point out your mint green tie looks awful.”
The man blinked in response, raising his eyebrows as he sat down in front of Shouta. “I'm Dr. Nielson, it's good to meet you…” He repeated slowly. Shouta's expression didn't change even a little after the petty insult he gave. There was an awkward silence as the blonde crossed his arms.
“Let's make one thing clear, I'm only here because I'm forced to be here. I don't personally find it exactly… fun? To air out my grievances and relive any pain or uncomfortable emotion with someone who can't even dress properly? Seriously, I thought this was supposed to be a place that makes me feel safe and relaxed- but those glasses really don't fit the way your face is built and the colors of your clothes don't match well… and that's irritating to me.”
The man seemed unphased by Shouta's venomous remarks- That also annoyed the wrestler. He figured if he was hostile enough, he'd be able to leave early.
“Well, Shouta-”
“MYOJIN. Call me MYOJIN. Don't use my real name, I don't know you like that.”
“...MYOJIN.” The man's jaw tightened, clasping his hands together. “Let's be clear. You don't have to enjoy being here lt even like me, but like you said… You're here because you were demanded to be. Now, I get paid by Mr. Johnson for these appointments either way, but I'd prefer to be productive instead of sitting here and talking to you. I'm not here to patronize you or sugarcoat anything, nor am I your next opponent. There's no need to keep your guard up here.” The older man's voice stayed gentle and calm, as he took his glasses off to wipe them.
“...Right.” MYOJIN simply rolled his eyes. Again, Nielson didn't seem very bothered. Also again, that extremely annoyed the youthful wrestler.
“So, you suffered an unfortunate injury earlier this year. It's led to a growing change in how you've acted in recent memory. Do you mind if I ask you a little about why?”
MYOJIN scoffed, a brief- sardonic smile appeared on the wrestler's face before it was quickly replaced with an unamused glare. “I don't know, it's not like getting shelved for an entire month and a little longer isn't upsetting or anything, right?” He couldn't have made the sarcasm more obvious if it tried. Still, it didn't really phase
“Can I ask how it happened?”
The blonde paused, “I was wrestling while injured for a while... It caught up with me after a while and I had to take time off. But now I'm back in it, why asking?” He raised an eyebrow.
Nielson simply smiled, “I'm just trying to understand you better, MYOJIN. Working while hurt, you're very dedicated to wrestling, aren't you?”
“It's my craft.” He simply responded. “It's my art. It's what I love to do, I spend a lot of time trying to be the best that I can- Sometimes that leads to me taking things too far and forgetting my own limits..”
Nielson nodded, “I'm sorry that happened, it must have been hard. How did that time off affect you?”
“Don't be, I'm not really interested in insincere apologies, hun.” MYOJIN's eyes narrowed, a faint smile on his face. He ran a hand through his golden hair and exhaled sharply. “You know, if anything it wasn't that bad- Because it helped me come to a realization. Suddenly, when there are only a few people that check up on how you're doing- when the company you work for doesn't even bother with at least wishing you a speedy recovery… You start seeing things for how they truly are. I learned a lesson from it, it was actually what I needed- time to reflect on everything.”
Zane- or Emiko, had been and still was his closest friend.. But even he now realized that he had been focused on her problems more than his own. He had cared about her so much that he forgot to care about himself, his own needs, his own career- But she moved on anyway, and while he felt that he had been left behind- and admittedly had felt hurt by her sudden absence, MYOJIN made peace with that and began to focus on himself… and himself only.
“May I ask what was the result of your reflection?”
“That I hate Project: Honor with a burning passion.” The blonde paused once the words left his lips, almost as if he regretted saying that. “...Actually, I take that back…-”
“I hate most of wrestling with a burning passion, outside of the actual wrestling. You know… When I originally got into this sport, it was because of the freedom it could give me. It'd be the first real thing I'd be doing out of my own choice, no one else's… Without expectations being set for me- but I was wrong. The politics, the fact that it's really less about who's the most talented and moreso who's easier to sell to the public- I fucking despise it. ALL of it. I hate that instead of fighting for a championship soon, I'm fighting in a main event to determine who gets to fucking stat in a movie. I hate that management put me in an interview expecting that I'll behave and give off some golden, cutesy aura for the cameras when I'm MORE than just some character they get to play around with! And I absolutely hate that against my will I'm at some shitty therapist asking me stupid questions as if I'M the problem!” He shouted, breathing heavily through gritted teeth as he stood.
Nielson winced at the sudden outburst, but still remained cool. “...If you feel that way, then why do you continue to persist if you feel that way?”
“Because I feel like I can tix wrestling. Call me egotistical or self-righteous, I really don't care- but I feel that if I try, if I keep going, I can lead by example. I always wanted to change this sport into something greater, better, but I couldn't do it by trying to be everyone's favorite- So instead I'll drag everyone, kicking and screaming, into the future if I have to.”
MYOJIN finally stopped rambling to scoff. “..And here I am, rambling to someone who couldn't care less.”
A few moments of silence passed as Nielson simply took off his glasses. “Do you know what I think?”
“No, and I don't want to-”
“I've done a lot of reading about you. MYOJIN, you resent the world around you due to the unfairness you went through. I get the feeling this is more about just some people not saying hello to you when you had your injury, I think this is about more than just how you feel about wrestling. There's been a lot of anger building up in you for longer than now. You've been hurt more than just that and to cope your first instinct has to been to lash out anyway you can while running away from the core of your pain.” Nielson spoke carefully but concisely, his voice was low and soft as he did. MYOJIN simply turned to him with an almost hateful look.
“Do you know what I think? You're full of shit.”
Nielson placed a hand on his bearded chin, “You say that, but are you sure? ...Our time is up. Mr. Johnson only scheduled this as a one-time session, but you could always voluntarily come back.”
MYOJIN without another word headed out the door, placing his hands in his pockets as he went to the entrance. He wanted to be far away from that man and that building as quick as possible.
La Jolla Cove.
There was nothing else quite like the rushing ocean water at a beach. It was relaxing, peaceful even as nothing quite matched how loud yet oddly pleasing to the ears it was. If there was anything that Shouta could count on in life, it was the comfort that place brought him whenever he decided to visit it. It cured him of his worries, his problems, as he was lost in the scenery of a white beach and a bright golden sun beaming over him. Though, for once, he wasn’t alone at the spot that he had known since his childhood. A young woman, around his age, sat next to him- their hands interlocked in the sand as they simply stared at the sun falling below the horizon’s mirror-like surface.
Her name was Himari, she was his girlfriend. Someone he had met earlier in the year and found himself growing extremely close to over time. Things had kind of happened fast, the more Shouta thought about it- When they had met, she was a foreigner from Japan studying in the US, and honestly didn’t know a little bit of English. Shouta had met her and had gotten to know her extremely well and vice versa, and at one point, she found herself lost in California and needing a place to stay- So Shouta happily had let her stay over with him, and over the time they spent together.. Well, things had just short of happened.
It felt like she was the only one to really understand him and sometimes he felt guilty for desiring her affection and comfort so often, but she never seemed upset with him- or sad- there was always that pretty smile on her face… and her love that Shouta sometimes thought that he didn’t deserve.
This was more like therapy for him than seeing an actual therapist.
Shouta had been to the San Diego tourist attraction many times in his life. The story was mostly well known by now, it was the place where he had decided where he would finally make his own choice- to follow his own dream. It was also the place he always found himself visiting whenever questioning what he would do next in his life. He was happy to show her what he considered to be his safe haven.
“This is… very nice.” Himari spoke with a smile on her face, looking toward as her dark hair gently blew in the direction of the calm winds.
“I know,” He responded, a genuine and content look in his eyes as he turned back to the waves. Though there was a bit of a troubled frown that started to show as he looked away. Himari noticed and lightly placed a hand on his cheek, turning his face toward her.
“What is wrong?” She asked.
Shouta sighed, then laughed quietly. He hated that he was so easy to read sometimes. “I’m just… thinking about the future. About what I have to do soon. You know, there’s that match and… there’s so much I have to prove that I’m scared of ending up screwing this up- This really means a lot to me, but right now I’m asking myself if I really have the strength or resolve to do this..”
Himari nodded, squeezing his hand softly for comfort as she leaned her head against his shoulder. “あなたはそれを考えたことがありますか...あなたは心配しすぎますか？(Have you ever considered… that you're too worried?)”
Shouta looked back toward her with a thoughtful look on his face. “どういう意味ですか？(What do you mean?)”
“私はすべてを知らないかもしれません,しかし、私は未来に前進するために-あなたは過去からの恐れを手放さなければならないと思います。(I may not know everything, but… I think in order to move toward the future, you have to let go of fears from the past.)” She explained, as he looked down to contemplate her words.
“ひまり、ポイントがあると思います。(I think you have a point, Himari.)” The conflicted look on his face faded away into a loving grin as he pressed a small kiss on her forehead. She giggled as they both turned to look toward the sunset.
“Besides..” She added in English, her smile brightening. “If you doubt yourself, I'll be there to cheer for you. Always.”
That meant more than he could put into words.
Shouta always found himself falling into doubt and fear as a chance to finally do something big came around. It happened at Bloodbath, it happened at Unbreakable Resolution, but this time- He had someone to reassure him. He wasn't alone with his insecurities.
Instead, he was stronger than ever
The flicker of a smartphone’s camera turned on, it’s footage clearly in a black-and-white filter as it was blurry for a few moments before it’s resolution focused on the Mineirinho Arena from across the street. The camera then panned up a little as it looked up to see some street lights and a few buildings nearby. The time was obviously very light, as the skies were so dark that not a single cloud could be seen.
“Here’s a little fun fact for all of you lovelies. Mineirinho is the largest indoor arena in the entirety of Brazil. It sits in Belo Horizonte, the sixth-largest city in this country. This isn’t just another bingo hall or school gym, no, this is a really big deal, isn’t it? I should feel excited to be main eventing a pay per view in such a notable arena, in front… who KNOWS how many people- and in any other situation, I would be, but.. Of course, this isn’t any other situation. One has to make due with the cards they’ve been dealt, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
The camera lens was briefly obscured in darkness as a hand covered, before it was shown to be now sat down on a sidewalk. The Shining Star, MYOJIN, sat on the ground in front of it with his legs crossed- the blonde rested a fist against the side of his cheek as the brightness of a car flashing by could be seen passing by, before he briefly adjusted the camera so he could see him fully.
“Not too far from now, I’m going to be facing Aiden Reynolds at Public Execution in the Main freaking Event. Not that you would necessarily be able to tell given how we’re barely visible on the posters, nor are we really fighting for any major prize… oh, excuse me-” The blonde rolled his eyes. “We’re fighting for the right to star in a movie… But it goes to show how the Grand Champion is not even in the main event, it’s because everyone- and I mean, everyone is going to be paying attention to Reynolds and I- In just about, the first Iron Man match in Project: Honor history.”
MYOJIN sighed, rubbing his temple as if he was growing increasingly annoyed. “I should be excited, I know- Matter of fact, this is the part where in the past- I’d be saying how Aiden Reynolds is someone that I can respect greatly, and I’d be stumbling over my words, trying to think of any compliment I could throw at him to seem humble and to make the match seem extremely important to me when the truth is.. I’m grasping at straws on how to make it seem like I give a single shit about wrestling Aiden Reynolds for a movie contract.”
MYOJIN leaned back against a tree, “I’ve always had a problem with this desire to be liked. This desire to come off as charismatic and cute and bubbly to gain the love of the audience. My fatal flaw was always this attempt at being a entertainer, and someone along the line, I forgot what self-respect felt like. Sure, I could brag about having the most wins in Project: Honor- which, I mean, I am doing right now.” MYOJIN briefly winked, poking his tongue out.
“But does that mean anything without something to show for it? I could say that I’m popular, but does that compensate for talent in the ring? No, it doesn’t.”
“That’s why I had an epiphany.. One that I’ve been thinking of for a while- and that’s that most of these bitches in this company don’t really seem like much of a challenge. Project: Honor has grown complacent- making an entire separate brand just to encourage cheap pops, blood, and the use of weapons instead of admiring real talent for the sake of edginess and a quick ratings boost- This place keeps hiring ‘wrestlers’-” The blonde used finger quotes, rolling his eyes. “-that think that their money, muscles, or have preexisting history in other companies I doubt anyone REALLY gives a single fuck about- compensate for a lack of actual wrestling talent. Keyword: WRESTLING, this isn’t a soap opera- and yet you’re hiring bitches that dress up like a Game of Thrones extra and think some over-the-top stereotypical facade will make up for the fact that they bore most viewers to tears.”
“Aiden, honey, I hate to say it-.. But you’re one of those people.”
“Speaking of movies, you’re kind of like Oscar bait; a movie with the tools to try and succeed but often don’t because of their mediocrity. Aiden, you make up all there is for a stereotypical wrestler- you have the size, the anti-establishment rugged tough guy attitude that’s been overdone more times than I can count, the waaaay overplayed attempt to have a cool nickname that has Wolf in it, and the fact you use your nationality to hide just how boring you really are.”
MYOJIN cupped his hand to the side of his mouth, as if he where whispering. “News flash, babe: Being Australian and saying cunt a lot does not make for a personality trait.”
“You’re basic, annoyingly basic- and if it weren’t for your association and handful of tag team wins with the temper tantrum having Dickie Watson who’s been sobbing ever since he lost two matches… Even though losses are unavoidable in wrestling- you wouldn’t be here in this position. I’ve done more in my first professional year when it comes to accolades and recognition than you’ve done in like.. How long have you been doing this, gorge?”
MYOJIN laughed, clasping his hands together. “You’re a part of the problem, a part of the issue that wrestling is filled to the BRIM with. Fakeness. Me? I’m as real as it gets, I’m different than most of you- for example, I know how to actually dress myself while making bitches like you tap out.”
“I am your Antithesis. The counter to the staleness that wrestling, that Project: Honor has been growing filled with for so long- and I’m tired of seeing it. Someone has to do something about it..”
“Like I said, this movie contract means nothing to me- But this match will be worth everything. It’ll be the first step to bringing Project: Honor out fo the hell its damned itself to and where I can fix it, where I can make it better than it’s ever been. When I win my first PPV main event, making you tap out for thousands to see- It’ll be a statement without any words needed to be uttered. It’s going to have to take more than you’ve been using to scrape by to beat me.”
“Because I’m not the same MYOJIN that’s here to smile and wave and play Project: Honor’s little mascot. I’m here to tear this fucking place down and build it back up to what it should be, what it always should’ve been: Real, geniune, and far from manufactured.”
The Shining Star blew a kiss, a growing smile on his face as he sat. “And I can’t wait to do just that, Aiden. Be ready- because you’re the first on my hit list… and you’ll never see this shot coming.”
He pointed a finger gun to the camera. “Bang. あなたは死んでいます。(You're dead.)”