... Who the hell is that guy? (Cadillac Jackson RP)

DOOBIE: So you ready for the big reveal?? 

(Cadillac and Doobie sit side by side on their filthy brown living room couch as Doobie clicks away on his keyboard. Cadillac tears his eyes from his phone and jolts up, kicking a Little Ceasars pizza box off the coffee table his feet rested on, onto the floor.)

CADILLAC: Oh shit, the new graphics are out for the Pay-per-view? I got left off the poster... SOMEHOW, but I've been waiting to see this beautiful mug on a Project Honor pay-per-view graphic since day one. 

(Doobie begins to scroll down the page.)

CADILLAC: Let's see... Aiden vs Myojin, Indy vs Hunter, The Tyrant vs Ozy, scroll faster Doobs it's in here somewhere. Triple Threat tag match, Euan vs Oasis... OH there it is, there's Emmy and Lance... 

... 

Wait, who the fuck is that guy? Did they replace me in the match? 

DOOBIE: Um... It doesn't look like it? Your names still on there. 

CADILLAC: It is!? Then who the hell is that corncob that's on the graphic!? 

DOOBIE: I don't know man, look. It says your team - Emmanuelle, Lance Williams and Cadillac Jackson. 

(Cadillac stares at the laptop for a long, long time.)

CADILLAC: ... I'm gonna get to the bottom of this Doobs. I've been disrespected before, but this is ridiculous! 

(Cadillac gets up and grabs his phone triumphantly, and begins to dial...) 

---

 

(The scene opens with a tiny bit of static. Cadillac's hand withdraws from a portable camera that he's using to film himself. He takes a step back and takes time to center himself. We see he's sitting on a park bench, trees swaying behind him and in the far distance ocean waves lick the rocky shore of an empty beach. The wind blows through Cadillac's immaculate hair, and the sun sparkles off his sunglasses as he looks off pensivly towards the sea.)

CADILLAC: Ya know something my Project Honor peeps, I know this may come as a surprise to you all, but thus far my story hasn't quite unfolded the way I had hopped on Proving Ground thus far. I'll be perfectly honest, I expected that the second they laid eyes on this unblemished face, this sculpted physique, and my can-do positive attitude, that a literal red carpet would be rolled out for me. That's what I deserve, you know, so the fact that I've been slowly pushed into the background is rather disheartening. 

Now I know what you're all thinking. I've had four matches and I've lost three... But that's not my fault! Project Honor uses eco-friendly lighting that I support, but it's brought brighter and it's thrown my equilibrium all off. Plus ya know, with time changes and allergy season kicking in, it's just been the world vs Cadillac it seems. But, fear not loyal fans, I'm here to tell you all that Public Execution is a turning point for ol' Caddy.

I've done a lot of thinking and soul searching. And I had to have some really scary thoughts. If I'm coming in with all this talent, bravado and confidence... Could this all be my fault? Could my losing streak and my unlucky string of events somehow be comeuppance for my ego? For my arrogance? I thought about this for a long time my friends... And the sad bitter truth that I had to face is simple. 

Of course it's not my fault! Clearly, the powers that be are out to get me because I'm TOO perfect. They have to break me down for a while to give everyone else on the roster a fighting chance, because otherwise they'd all get lost in my shadow of greatnessness. I'm so stupid for not seeing it earlier but that's gotta be it! But that's OK, because now that I see it and understand what's going on, it's time to overthrow the hands that hold me down and FINALLY show the world WHY Cadillac Jackson is the present and future of Project Honor. 

So at Public Execution, it all begins a new. Wahhh Wahhh Wahhh... Swaddle me and feed me my binkie because I'm getting reborn a new, baybay. This is the birth of the era of Cadillac Jackson, and you're all about to be there to cut the umbilical cord. But I won't do it alone. Alongside me I'll have my very best friends in the wrestling world. 

Lance Williams! We've been down this road before my friend, standing side by side and fighting the good fight. It's almost as if we've been a team for decades that's how we'll oiled we are as a unit. I know you feel it too big man, it's something electric. Everything Caddy touches is gold baybee, but Lance Williams doesn't even need my magic touch. Anyone with eyes and an attention span has clearly been watching this dude, and knows for a fact that he is going to be a force to be reckoned with in his own right. Now I'll be the first to admit, Mr. Williams like myself doesn't have the most impressive win loss record... But... BUT, you gotta look at the matches he's been having. Lance and I had a BANGER against Emmy and Myojin. He was an honorary DRIP-PER. He almost beat the monster, the unstoppable Ozymandias. And last week he came within a few inches of winning the Grand Championship by dethroning Mark Hunter. If anyone has any doubts about Lance Williams than they're just plain not paying attention. 

And Emmy? My bestest pal Emmy? Her in ring performances are unmatched. As we've covered, she lost to myself in my debut match which nobody can blame her for cuz, ya know, I'm the best wrestler on Earth. But she pushed me to my limit, and along side the likes of Myojin and TJ Thompson she's gotten those wins back against me. Now again, a rough record on paper but girl gonna be renamed Land-o-lakes, cuz just like butter she's been on a rollllllll baybay. She's won her last three matches, including an impressive submission win over Blair Regent. So once more, I think anyone who has doubted Emmy has been more than proven wrong. 

Now our opponents? I don't know a tremendous amount about them obviously, which is sort of the gimmick of the match. I think the three of us are being tested, our spot and our worth on the roster being questioned. We may be an odd team, but we must be in a weirdly animated claymation movie because we are facing some escaped rejects of the island of misfit toys. We got a man from the Fallout... Boooooooo... brand going by simply Rapture. Ladies and gentlemen if you've seen Rapture it should speak VOLUMES that I am starting with him, because he's the least ridiculous out of the bunch! He looks like he that little girl who walked on her hands and feet in a back bend position from that movie I don't remember put on a mask and joined the Project Honor roster! There's not a whole lot out there about the dude except that he looks like a dang weirdo and apparently enjoys hurting people, which sure knocked me on my tushy when I learned he was on the Fallout roster... What a swerve. 

Next up, we got El Puma who I know absolutely nothing about other than his face. And trust me, I spent AT LEAST three minutes trying to do research on him. That's three minutes that I could have been getting jacked and stacked for my adoring fans, so THAT makes this personal El Puma. Nobody makes Cadillac Jackson do research with no results to yield... Nobody. So you better watch your rear end BUDDY... cuz I'm coming for it... 

Wait... That didn't sound right. Reminder to self edit in something cooler than that. 

But last and certainly not least is a man who... well... Damn man I can't even bring myself to trash talk him cuz he seems pretty dang cool. I mean the dudes name is Serrano Poblano. Next to Cadillac Jackson that's probably the best name in the business! However... I understand that Serrano is gonna be looking to "Cook up" a win in his debut... But unfortunately I stead of "Spicy we gonna turn our boy into" Salty", cuz we gonna have a whole lot of salt flowin from him when he's on the losing team. See what I did there, by the way? He does a cooking thing, and I said cook up and salty--

ANYWAY. On paper, Lance Emmanuelle and myself, we're an odd team. But in reality? The three of us are very similar. We all debuted within a week or two of one another, and we've all had a rocky road getting to where we want to be on this roster. Like the waves crashing against a rocky shore... We will not stop. 

(Unbeknownst to Cadillac the waves behind him have, indeed, stopped crashing as the water had calmed down.)

CADILLAC: We just keep coming. 

(The scene slowly and unsatisfyingly fades.)

---

 

DOOBIE: Come on dude, you've been on the phone for two hours, transfered three times and you've been on hold now for 45 minutes. Is it really worth all this dude?

CADILLAC: YES IT'S WORTH IT DOOBIE. Look... Since I've debuted in Project Honor I've won one match, been kicked out of a car dealership, drove to Maine to sign 4 autographs, and I've lost - LOST close to five thousand dollars Doobie! We had to bum money off your fat friend Chuggs to pay rent this week. And all I wanted... ALL I WANTED... WAS MY FACE ON A GRAPHIC. And these JERKS once again overlooked me, belittled and IGNORED ME. I can't take it Doobie. When someone answers this phone I'm going to break my foot off so deep in their ass-

*ahem* Hiiii yes my name is Cadillac Jackson, is this the graphics department?

DOOBIE (mumbles under his breath): You leave Chuggs out of this...

CADILLAC (on the phone): Yes, yes thank you I've been on hold for a little while now, but I was calling to let you know there's been a mistake on one of the Project Honor graphics this month for Public Execution. - - Yes the Cadillac Jackson, Emmanuelle and Lance Williams vs Serrano Poblano, Rapture and El Puma. Cadillac Jackson's picture is wrong. - - What?... Yes, I'm sure.

How do I know!? Cuz I'm freakin' Cadillac Jackson! I'm the one who's messed up... THAT DOUCHE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE ME -- Look, lady, I don't know who that ham hawk is in the graphic but that is not me, and I deserve some compensation. So what YOU'RE going to do is YOU'RE going to change the picture to ACTUAL me, AND you're going to give me my money for using my likeness PLUS a bonus. How's that sound?

Yeah. Yeah. Mhmmm.

...

GOOD. THANK YOU!

(Cadillac hangs the phone up triumphantly once more, and Doobie actually looks impressed.)

DOOBIE: Shit I thought you were going to weenie out, are you going to get some extra money for the screw up.

CADILLAC: Uh... apparently the picture was of a potential free agent they got PSD's of incase he was signed and they can't fix the graphic because it's been sent to all promotions... and since the wrong photo was used I not only don't get extra money but they can't pay me for using my likeness... Since they didn't... But they do have to pay the random dude who's picture they used instead of mine...

(A long, pregnant pause befalls the brothers as Cadillac avoids eye contact with Doobie.)

DOOBIE: ... Yeahyouweeniedout.

(Cadillac glares at his brother and pouts before storming off.)