Post by sportsentertainmentx on Apr 5, 2021 12:57:36 GMT -5
Are you sure about this?
Yes brother, trust me, I’ve been in a spot like this before and it isn’t something you can just ignore. You’ve got to get ahead of it, and if you can’t, you have to at least face it head-on.
I just don’t get how this helps.
Brother, I know you are hesitant, but you have to trust me.
But, must we really enter this toxic wasteland?
Brother, we have faced many obstacles and atrocities together. We’ve battled the biggest, baddest, nastiest, and ugliest competitors this world and other worlds have to offer. I know this will be our toughest challenge to date though. The challenge of getting through to teenagers.
Stardate 20212903
The dynamic duo turns their heads and look at a sign that reads “Generic Name that isn’t named after any historical figure, as to not offend anyone, High School. Home of the Homo Sapiens.”.
That sign offends me.
What? Why?
Home of the Homo Sapiens, I am not one of them, so am I not allowed there? Are other species not allowed in that school?
Oh, brother, everyone is offended by something nowadays.
Space Lord and Terry Marshall look into the camera and give a sarcastic wink.
But in all seriousness, how is truth or dare going to help these kids and us?
I will double-dog dare these kids just to say no. No one can resist a double-dog dare.
Well, what if someone double dog dares them to say yes?
It will be too late; the initial double-dog dare will supersede the new double-dog dare.
Seems like sound logic.
The scene transitions after a paid service announcement from D.A.R.E, hey these things cost money and so does space ship fuel, have you seen these gas prices? Anyway, we rejoin the people's tag team champions as they stand in front of a classroom full of troubled youths. The students are a little stunned as Space Lord is standing in his trunks, no pants, or shirt, as per usual.
Marshall though is trying to fit in with the kids, or at least what he thought the kids would be dressed like. His joggers are too tight on him, his shirt is too. It is so tight it has become a belly shirt, and the sleeves are so tight on his massive arms he can’t feel his fingers. We join in the middle of Marshall giving a promo hotter than an obese man's under boob on the 4th of July in Texas.
Ya know sometimes bros and sisses, ya see a dark alley and you think going down it would be scary, but you also think that the fear could be exciting. So, you go towards that alley and you see a Dragon, and then you start chasing that dragon. Well dude, the next thing you know you are chasing that dragon off the edge of a cliff. The only thing is dudes, it isn’t just you that falls off that cliff to the rocky bottom below. No way brothers, you drag your family down with you, you drag your friends down with you, and you crumble every relationship that ever mattered to you.
So, listen kids if someone tries offering you any whip-its, any ludes, any grass, any Molly Ringwald, any rock, any white girl, any dust, any grass, any ganja, or any other nefarious substance that alters reality and your mind, brother just say no. And if they don’t take no for an answer then clasp your palms together, interlock your fingers, pull back like you are about to swing a baseball bat, and then swing those clubbing fists right into that pusher's chest and make them feel something, and that something dudes…. Is thunderstruck.
Marshall smiles and puts his hands on his hips. He feels so proud and confident and thinks that he has really reached these troubled youths. But what he sees are people ignoring him, texting, and even snickering at him. Marshall feels disappointed. When he was a kid if a famous athlete came to give an anti-drug speech he would have been on the edge of his seats, but these kids could care less.
Marshall’s disappointment upsets Space Lord, he knows the language that kids understand best, yelling.
LISTEN, KIDS! DOPE IS FOR DOPES! STAY WOKE, DON’T DO DOPE! THERE IS NO HOPE IN DOPE!
*SNNNNOOOOORRRRRRTTTTTT!!!!!!*
RAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!
Space Lord pounds on his chest while snorting and screaming, and this certainly gets all the kids' attention. The kids no longer look disinterested and indifferent, but now have a look of pure fear. Marshall notices the fear in the kid’s eyes but also notices they are paying attention. Marshall steps forward to take control of the situation and ease the tension.
Ok, so, does anyone have any questions?
One kid in the middle of the room sheepishly raises his hand. Marshall jumps at the opportunity to answer his question, pointing at him and saying, “you there, what’s your question?”.
Uh yeah, my dad told me you admitted to taking steroids under oath in a trial in nineteen ninety-four, so, isn’t it hypocritical of you to stand up there and give us a “just so no” speech?
Marshall is floored, but only for a moment. He shakes the question off like a weak ass punch from Scott Oasis and rebounds faster than Dennis Rodman in the 97 NBA finals (nWo 4 life).
Well, that’s true Scotty.
Uh, my name is Greg.
Right. Anyway, Scotty, I did admit to that, and I did take steroids, but I took them in the eighties.
Your eighties?
SHUT YOUR MOUTH SCOTTY!
The nineteen eighths, before they were illegal and before the world knew the dangers of steroids.
“What about the naked dude? You telling me he’s drug-free?”, a goth-looking kid in the back shouts. He didn’t even raise his hand before he asked that question, how rude.
Well, he’s an alien so his genetic makeup is different than ours which allows him to remain in that amazing physical shape.
I’m not talking about steroids, that dude is clearly coked out of his mind.
I ONLY DRINK MOUNTAIN DEW, NO COCA-COLA FOR ME!!!
The goth kid slumps down in his chair.
Any other questions?
Another boy sitting in the back raises his hand. Marshall points at him and nods his head to signify it is his turn to ask a question.
Yeah man, what’s y’alls beef with Big Drip all about? Them some cool ass crackers, why can’t they be down here spitten the drip instead of y’alls old asses going on with that played out Ronald Regan just say no bullshit.
NOW LISTEN HERE YOUNG MAN, THAT IS NO WAY TO SPEAK TO YOUR ELDERS!
Your ass the elder of a T-Rex.
Space Lords grits his teeth and grows, “GGGGGWWWWWAAAARRRR!!!”. Suddenly we transition again and now find Terry Marshall and Space Lord sitting in the bleachers of the school’s football stadium. Marshall looks to be disappointed, while Space Lord is ripping open those little jugs of chocolate milk you get with school lunches and double-fisting them. Space Lord wipes his milk mustache off with his forearm and notices that Marshall is still looking blue.
What’s wrong with you? Did that prepubescents get to you?
Ah, brother, I think I just got to myself. Every time we face someone here in Project Honor, and heck even before we got here, it’s always the same things. They talk about us being old, and they accuse us of being on drugs. There is nothing I can do about my age, but brother I thought this was a chance to shake that drug stigma and make a difference.
Don’t forget when people think you are an alien too.
Yeah, how could I forget? I mean what kind of alien name is Terry, Plus if they bothered to read my backstory or even my bio they would see I’m from Huntington, West Virginia, and while it may be a different world it is here on Earth.
Terry, it isn’t your fault that almost everyone we face can’t come up with an original idea so they just use the same old low hanging fruit and worn-out trash talk. It’s not our fault we are off having wild adventures and they are stuck dealing with their mundane lives. They aren’t brave enough or bright enough to shoot for the stars, so they go after low-hanging fruit. They don’t understand our level of intensity and passion because they are too sheltered and closed off. They hate us, because they anus.
You mean ain’t us?
No, said what I meant.
Marshall smiles and gives a slight laugh, but shakes his head after only a moment.
I just don’t know brother, I wanted to make a difference in these kids’ lives and they weren’t interested, and even worse called me out on my old steroid scandal.
Come on Terry, we followed in the footsteps of other famous Earth athletes like Jose Conseco, Michael Phelps, Barry Bonds, Michael Irvin, Lawrence Taylor, and OJ Simpson, who all gave anti-drug speeches while on drugs.
Well, OJ was never a known druggy, but he was… well, he was something else.
He was hilarious in Naked Gun.
That movie is great.
Yeah, it is. Hey, come on let’s go watch Naked Gun and get your mind off this. You know nothing cheers you up like Leslie Nielson.
Brother, I don’t think even Leslie Nielson can cheer me up right now. Truth is, I was on some other stuff besides steroids in the eighties.
Ripples roll across the scene and we fade back to a time long ago. That’s right, it’s a character development piece within a character development piece, it’s the inception of character development.
Stardate: 19840708
Marshall bobs his head to the music, as he puffs the joint. Marshall has just won the WWWWWWF (Wild, Wonderful, Whacky, Weird, Western, World, Wrestling Federation) Championship, and he feels untouchable. Marshall hands the joint to the woman that isn’t his wife, oh no, he isn’t running around on his wife, he just isn’t married yet. This young lady is Sandra Lachman, daughter of the owner of WWWWWWWF.
Sandra, like many women at this point in his life, is infatuated with Terry. His massive muscles, his deep tan, and his flowing blonde hair drove the ladies wild. Yes, he wasn’t always bald. Marshall and Sandra speed down the highway at speeds over 110MPH, too fast to notice the police cruiser sitting in the parking lot of the diner they zoom by.
The police car flips its sirens on and begins to give chase after the Trans AM. As Marshall sucks down the last of the joint he notices the sirens popping up over the horizon in his rearview mirror.
Oh crap.
What?
The cops.
OH, F**K! MY DAD WILL KILL ME!
Kill you, what do you think he is going to do to me?
Yeah, but you don’t have all this.
Sandra opens her purse to reveal a treasure-trove of narcotics. Marshall puts the peddle to the metal hoping to keep his license plate out of the eyesight of the officer. As Marshall speeds up and pushes the car up to 125MPH, Sandra cranks the radio up and screams.
WWWWOOOOOOO!!!
Marshall grips the wheel tighter, trying to remain laser-focused on the road in front of him through his purple haze. Suddenly, a sharp turn appears in the road ahead, but Marshall is going too fast to make the turn. Marshall tries to slow down but goes off of the road and plows into a cornfield.
Marshall doesn’t let the lack of a road stop him as he continues to plow through the cornfield. The corn and rough field slow the Tran AM down, but Marshall is still hitting speeds over 60mph as he looks back thinking he has lost the cop. Marshall pops out through corn back onto another road and hangs a hard left.
Alright, looks like we lost them.
Now that was exciting, let’s celebrate.
Sandra reaches into her purse and pulls out a prescription bottle, but just as she does the police car that had been chasing them burst through the cornfield and back onto the road in front of them. Marshall acts fast and whips the car around the police cruiser and then floors it again and pushes the Trans AM back up to 120.
Marshall looks back and sees the cop car turning around and beginning to chase them. Marshall sees a dirt road and notices the cop car is out of sight, so Marshall whips onto the dirt road and speeds down it, pulling off onto a shoulder but leaving himself room to take off again if need be. Marshall flips the radio off and sits quietly as he listens to the police car drive by on the main road and continues down the road until the sound of the siren fades out.
Marshall finally stops holding his breath and pulls down the dirt road.
That was too close.
GOD! That was so exciting.
Marshall says nothing and just continues to breathe deeply, thanking the Lord for getting him through this crazy situation.
Want one?
Marshall looks over to see Sandra throwing a quaalude down her throat and holding the bottle out to Marshall. Marshall snarls, grabs the bottle, and throws it out of the car onto the side of the road.
HEY! Those were the last of my ludes.
She begins to dig into her purse for some other narcotic and Marshall responds by grabbing the purse and throwing it out of the car.
WHAT THE HELL TERRY!?!
Marshall spins around in his seat.
LOOK, DUDE! A little grass is one thing, but I’m not rolling around with Hunter S. Thompson’s goodie bag in the passenger seat.
Oh, Terry, aren’t you so high *she flips a roach out of his ashtray* and mighty *she squeezes his arms*.
Terry snarls, at this moment in his life he had to make a decision. Did he follow the path he had seen so many of his friends go down of fast cars, fast women, and partying that led them all to an early grave? Or, did he take another path of hard work, sacrifice, and doing what is right. Marshall knew what he had to do, and he knew the right choice for him.
Suddenly, Sandra is left standing on the dirt road as the Trans AM peels out down the dirt road leaving her in the dust. As the dust clears, we join Terry Marshall and Space Lord once again on the bleachers of the football stadium.
Terry, I had no idea you had such a shady past as a bad boy.
Eh brother, I was young and dumb, but it worked out for the best.
Really? What happened with the WWWWWWWF and the title?
Oh, I was fired and stripped of the title the next day.
Well, at least we are molding young minds and making the youth of today into the leaders of tomorrow.
Marshall smiles and says, “you’re right brother, you know what dude, let’s watch Naked Gun”. Space Lord and Terry Marshall head off to the Starship Desolator to watch the silver-haired comedic genius that is Leslie Nielson, and as they walk off, we catch a shot of the kid that asked about Big Drip. He is hanging from the goal post by his boxer shorts and screaming for someone to come and let him down.
Monologue:
I never feel like we are failing girls’ soccer coaches who need to recruit our own stepson son to dress up like a girl and play for us.
What?
Ladybugs.
Oh, sounds like a reverse “She’s the man”.
Who’s the man?
We are brother.
I thought we were Rodney Dangerfield and we are going back to school.
No, that’s not what I’m talking about.
Are we loud and free-spirited nouveau riche golfers who are livening up a country club that is plagued by a gopher?
What?
Caddyshack, come on Terry, are you sure you aren’t an alien?
No brother, I mean we get no respect. They don’t even have our win/loss record right. We’ve only lost one match here, and we didn’t get pinned, we just didn’t win, but these suckers are giving us two losses on our record. That may not seem like a lot to most people but when you are fighting to get to the top one extra blemish on your record can keep you out of the top spot. We get no respect, but brother we aren’t asking for your respect, and we aren’t asking for a spot, we are going to take it because there is no denying the people. The people are clamoring for S.E.X, and that clamoring has shot us from opening match to headlining the next proving ground. We got the power of the people behind us brother, and those people are called the Sexamaniacs.
Sexamania is a force unlike one that the world has ever seen before. A force that The Commonwealth, Dickie Watson, and Aiden Reynolds are going to feel the power of. Sexamania is more powerful than a strike of thunder, and Sexamania is more powerful than a big bang. Sexamania is the power of all Sexamaniacs channeling their love for S.E.X, the joy that S.E.X gives them, the happiness that S.E.X gives them, the hope, the energy, and the smile that S.E.X gives them. They channel all that energy, and they put their all into it, and brothers that fuels Space Lord and I in a way that Einstein can’t even understand.
They fuel us, and in return, we fight for them. See Commonwealth, we are fighting for something more than just glory, more than just proving those who doubted us in the past wrong like you are Aiden. As a matter of a fact, I was one of those who doubted you in the past, and brother you still haven’t proven me wrong. See dude, when I first heard the name Aiden Reynolds I thought, “man that name sounds familiar; he looks familiar too”, but I couldn’t quite place the name and the face, because obviously, you hadn’t made that big of an impression on me. Then when I was looking over your portfolio and studying tape of you it came to me where I knew you from.
You used to work for me. You probably don’t even remember it because you weren’t employed for too long before we wished you the best in your future endeavors. I was the president of the World Wrestling Organization and we signed you as a top up and comer, what can I say some board members were from down under and there was some Aussie bias. Brother, I’ll say this though, at first I was buying the hype. On paper and in highlight videos you looked pretty darn impressive, but when the time to shine came you dropped the ball and showed that not all that glitters is gold.
You had a lot of people talking you up, but when push came to shove and it came time to walk that walk, you had a limp. You didn’t do much, and you weren’t there long before, the WWO board's dreams of an Aussie superstar turned into a nightmare. Just like at Proving Ground where S.E.X won’t have to do much or be out there too long to end your dreams of tag team gold faster and turn your life into a living nightmare.
I’m willing to concede that you’ve gotten better since then Aiden because frankly, you couldn’t have got much worse. But brother, old Terry Marshall has gotten better since then too. I ditched the suit and tie, and the office and returned to my roots of boots, trunks, and the ring. Like a fine wine, I’ve only gotten better with age and at Proving Ground you are going to find out just how good S.E.X is. As a matter of a fact Aiden, after it is all over and you can see straight again after the force of Sexamania has ravaged you, you will even admit that S.E.X is the best.
DICKIE! You make good workwear for mechanics, and your fighting skills are just as tough as your work clothes. You were the first grand champion and came oh so close to securing the championship of the legacy, but like Maxwell Smart, you missed it by that much. You are tough Dickie, but you are not as tough as us.
We would walk ten miles on my hands and knees. We’d wrestle with a lion and a grizzly bear. It's a warrior’s life, Dickie, and we don't care what it takes to be champions, we will do it. We’d put out a burning building with a shovel and dirt, and not even worry about getting hurt. We will work twenty-four hours, seven days a week just to be the duo’s champions of this world.
YOU, DICKE!
YOU AIDEN!
You are smaller competitors and are used to being the dogs that are under, but you have proven yourselves as great warriors. Terry Marshall and I have shown that we also are great warriors, but are not yet looked upon with the same stature and respect that you two are. We will change that, and we will do that by defeating you two that share your wealth commonly.
Oh, how the turntable will be turned.
You were once the underdogs and now you are the stars that everyone holds in the estimate that is so high. We have made a following that is far beyond cult status but are looked at as the underdogs. WHY WE ARE THE UNDERDOGS, I DO NOT KNOW! What I do know is like a DJ we will turn those tables After Proving Ground we will have proved what we have said, that S.E.X IS THE BEST! We will prove that we are never under anyone as dogs, that we are the big dogs of any yard. AND YOU TWO, Commoners in Wealth, will be back to the board you draw on, and looked at as the dogs who are under. A complete three hundred and sixty.
Brother, that’d be a one-eighty.
I’m referencing a turning of records on a table, a turntable turning.
Brother, you aren’t getting any of that right. It is how the tables have turned; DJs have nothing to do with it. And, if they did a three-sixty, they would be back where they started, a one-eighty puts them in the opposite direction.
Space Lord looks at Terry in confused silence for a moment and then shrugs his shoulder.
I’m no geologist.
Do you me geometer?
What I am, is the Supreme Intergalactic Champion, and we will soon become the duos champions of this Earth and then take those as our collateral to enter the supreme intergalactic duos tournament where we will become the Supreme Intergalactic Duo champions.
We're on the hunt, and Legacy we’re after you. We smell like we sound, we've been lost in a crowd, but we're hungry like the wolf. Aiden you are the wolf of down under, that makes you a Dingo. Did you eat that baby? We may straddle the line, but now is our time. We're on the hunt, and Commonwealth we're after you. Mouth is alive, with juices like wine, and we're hungry for the wolf.
You will be stalked in the pyramids, and we're too close for you to hide. We'll be upon you by the moonlight rise. Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo... neither of you are dodo, but you will be squashed under our boots and wiped off in the grass.
High blood pressure drumming in your ear, your chest is so tight. You feel my heat, my foot up to your behind.
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba bang bang BIG BANG!
You'll be buried six feet under the ground. We're on the hunt, we're hungry for a wolf. We're hungry for the duo's championship, and Commonwealth is the next species on the food chain before we dine on Legacy.
Brother's, Space Lord might sound intense, and he is because we always bring the intensity. We have no beef with you, but we won't hesitate to smoke you two to get our shot at the tag team titles dude. We came here to prove that S.E.X is the best, and so far, we have barely even got a second glance by most people around here. But brother no one will be able to deny us when we beat two of the best in the sport today. And after we handle Dickie and the Dingo, we are heading for the tag team titles, Jack.
The cream always rises to the top dude, and I'm not talking about the Wu-Tang, even though Commonwealth best protect they neck. I'm talking about the cream of the crop. I'm talking about Space Lord and Thundering Terry Marshall, who is the heavy whipping cream. We're keto-friendly, and we bring the whipping heavy dude. You two, you're like half and half, two different types mixed together to try and make something good, but brother everyone knows cream is better than half and half. Cream is thicker, richer, and just taste oh so much better. Just like the taste of S.E.X as tag team champions is so much sweeter on the lips of the fans than the taste of the Commonwealth.
CROWNING, REVENGE, EXTRACTED, AGAINST, MILLENNIALS! CREAM! BEAT THE COMMONWEALTH, Y’ALL!
We will defeat the Dingo and the Dickies Workwear. We will claim our spot at the table and show that WE ARE, the duo should be at the head of the table. S.E.X is hungry, and the hungry dog runs faster. We are climbing that hill and you two are in our path, so you can get out of our way, or be run over. We are hungry, and we will eat, you will eat you two for breakfast, shit you out for lunch, and have the leftovers for dinner.
Wait brother, are you saying we’ll eat poop for dinner?
YES! THAT IS HOW HUNGRY WE ARE! HUNGRY FOR SUCCESS, HUNGRY FOR THE DUO’S CHAMPIONSHIPS, AND HUNGRIER THAN A WOLF!
Set the table for Proving Ground brother, because we are coming to dine on the Commonwealth, and we will have our bellies full by the end of the night. Then at Public Execution, we will have Legacy for desert. And brother, those tag team titles will be the cherry on top.
~Fin.
Yes brother, trust me, I’ve been in a spot like this before and it isn’t something you can just ignore. You’ve got to get ahead of it, and if you can’t, you have to at least face it head-on.
I just don’t get how this helps.
Brother, I know you are hesitant, but you have to trust me.
But, must we really enter this toxic wasteland?
Brother, we have faced many obstacles and atrocities together. We’ve battled the biggest, baddest, nastiest, and ugliest competitors this world and other worlds have to offer. I know this will be our toughest challenge to date though. The challenge of getting through to teenagers.
Stardate 20212903
The dynamic duo turns their heads and look at a sign that reads “Generic Name that isn’t named after any historical figure, as to not offend anyone, High School. Home of the Homo Sapiens.”.
That sign offends me.
What? Why?
Home of the Homo Sapiens, I am not one of them, so am I not allowed there? Are other species not allowed in that school?
Oh, brother, everyone is offended by something nowadays.
Space Lord and Terry Marshall look into the camera and give a sarcastic wink.
But in all seriousness, how is truth or dare going to help these kids and us?
No brother, not truth or dare, D-A-R-E, drug abuse resistance education.
I will double-dog dare these kids just to say no. No one can resist a double-dog dare.
Well, what if someone double dog dares them to say yes?
It will be too late; the initial double-dog dare will supersede the new double-dog dare.
Seems like sound logic.
The scene transitions after a paid service announcement from D.A.R.E, hey these things cost money and so does space ship fuel, have you seen these gas prices? Anyway, we rejoin the people's tag team champions as they stand in front of a classroom full of troubled youths. The students are a little stunned as Space Lord is standing in his trunks, no pants, or shirt, as per usual.
Marshall though is trying to fit in with the kids, or at least what he thought the kids would be dressed like. His joggers are too tight on him, his shirt is too. It is so tight it has become a belly shirt, and the sleeves are so tight on his massive arms he can’t feel his fingers. We join in the middle of Marshall giving a promo hotter than an obese man's under boob on the 4th of July in Texas.
So, listen kids if someone tries offering you any whip-its, any ludes, any grass, any Molly Ringwald, any rock, any white girl, any dust, any grass, any ganja, or any other nefarious substance that alters reality and your mind, brother just say no. And if they don’t take no for an answer then clasp your palms together, interlock your fingers, pull back like you are about to swing a baseball bat, and then swing those clubbing fists right into that pusher's chest and make them feel something, and that something dudes…. Is thunderstruck.
Marshall smiles and puts his hands on his hips. He feels so proud and confident and thinks that he has really reached these troubled youths. But what he sees are people ignoring him, texting, and even snickering at him. Marshall feels disappointed. When he was a kid if a famous athlete came to give an anti-drug speech he would have been on the edge of his seats, but these kids could care less.
Marshall’s disappointment upsets Space Lord, he knows the language that kids understand best, yelling.
LISTEN, KIDS! DOPE IS FOR DOPES! STAY WOKE, DON’T DO DOPE! THERE IS NO HOPE IN DOPE!
*SNNNNOOOOORRRRRRTTTTTT!!!!!!*
RAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!
Space Lord pounds on his chest while snorting and screaming, and this certainly gets all the kids' attention. The kids no longer look disinterested and indifferent, but now have a look of pure fear. Marshall notices the fear in the kid’s eyes but also notices they are paying attention. Marshall steps forward to take control of the situation and ease the tension.
Ok, so, does anyone have any questions?
One kid in the middle of the room sheepishly raises his hand. Marshall jumps at the opportunity to answer his question, pointing at him and saying, “you there, what’s your question?”.
Uh yeah, my dad told me you admitted to taking steroids under oath in a trial in nineteen ninety-four, so, isn’t it hypocritical of you to stand up there and give us a “just so no” speech?
Marshall is floored, but only for a moment. He shakes the question off like a weak ass punch from Scott Oasis and rebounds faster than Dennis Rodman in the 97 NBA finals (nWo 4 life).
Well, that’s true Scotty.
Uh, my name is Greg.
Right. Anyway, Scotty, I did admit to that, and I did take steroids, but I took them in the eighties.
Your eighties?
SHUT YOUR MOUTH SCOTTY!
The nineteen eighths, before they were illegal and before the world knew the dangers of steroids.
“What about the naked dude? You telling me he’s drug-free?”, a goth-looking kid in the back shouts. He didn’t even raise his hand before he asked that question, how rude.
Well, he’s an alien so his genetic makeup is different than ours which allows him to remain in that amazing physical shape.
I’m not talking about steroids, that dude is clearly coked out of his mind.
I ONLY DRINK MOUNTAIN DEW, NO COCA-COLA FOR ME!!!
The goth kid slumps down in his chair.
Any other questions?
Another boy sitting in the back raises his hand. Marshall points at him and nods his head to signify it is his turn to ask a question.
Yeah man, what’s y’alls beef with Big Drip all about? Them some cool ass crackers, why can’t they be down here spitten the drip instead of y’alls old asses going on with that played out Ronald Regan just say no bullshit.
NOW LISTEN HERE YOUNG MAN, THAT IS NO WAY TO SPEAK TO YOUR ELDERS!
Your ass the elder of a T-Rex.
Space Lords grits his teeth and grows, “GGGGGWWWWWAAAARRRR!!!”. Suddenly we transition again and now find Terry Marshall and Space Lord sitting in the bleachers of the school’s football stadium. Marshall looks to be disappointed, while Space Lord is ripping open those little jugs of chocolate milk you get with school lunches and double-fisting them. Space Lord wipes his milk mustache off with his forearm and notices that Marshall is still looking blue.
What’s wrong with you? Did that prepubescents get to you?
Ah, brother, I think I just got to myself. Every time we face someone here in Project Honor, and heck even before we got here, it’s always the same things. They talk about us being old, and they accuse us of being on drugs. There is nothing I can do about my age, but brother I thought this was a chance to shake that drug stigma and make a difference.
Don’t forget when people think you are an alien too.
Yeah, how could I forget? I mean what kind of alien name is Terry, Plus if they bothered to read my backstory or even my bio they would see I’m from Huntington, West Virginia, and while it may be a different world it is here on Earth.
Terry, it isn’t your fault that almost everyone we face can’t come up with an original idea so they just use the same old low hanging fruit and worn-out trash talk. It’s not our fault we are off having wild adventures and they are stuck dealing with their mundane lives. They aren’t brave enough or bright enough to shoot for the stars, so they go after low-hanging fruit. They don’t understand our level of intensity and passion because they are too sheltered and closed off. They hate us, because they anus.
You mean ain’t us?
No, said what I meant.
Marshall smiles and gives a slight laugh, but shakes his head after only a moment.
I just don’t know brother, I wanted to make a difference in these kids’ lives and they weren’t interested, and even worse called me out on my old steroid scandal.
Come on Terry, we followed in the footsteps of other famous Earth athletes like Jose Conseco, Michael Phelps, Barry Bonds, Michael Irvin, Lawrence Taylor, and OJ Simpson, who all gave anti-drug speeches while on drugs.
Well, OJ was never a known druggy, but he was… well, he was something else.
He was hilarious in Naked Gun.
That movie is great.
Yeah, it is. Hey, come on let’s go watch Naked Gun and get your mind off this. You know nothing cheers you up like Leslie Nielson.
Brother, I don’t think even Leslie Nielson can cheer me up right now. Truth is, I was on some other stuff besides steroids in the eighties.
Ripples roll across the scene and we fade back to a time long ago. That’s right, it’s a character development piece within a character development piece, it’s the inception of character development.
The scene shows a young Terry Marshall and a big-haired brunette speeding down a highway in a Trans AM, passing a joint between the two of them as they jam out to Quiet Riots biggest hit, “Metal Health (Bang Your Head)”.
Stardate: 19840708
Marshall bobs his head to the music, as he puffs the joint. Marshall has just won the WWWWWWF (Wild, Wonderful, Whacky, Weird, Western, World, Wrestling Federation) Championship, and he feels untouchable. Marshall hands the joint to the woman that isn’t his wife, oh no, he isn’t running around on his wife, he just isn’t married yet. This young lady is Sandra Lachman, daughter of the owner of WWWWWWWF.
Sandra, like many women at this point in his life, is infatuated with Terry. His massive muscles, his deep tan, and his flowing blonde hair drove the ladies wild. Yes, he wasn’t always bald. Marshall and Sandra speed down the highway at speeds over 110MPH, too fast to notice the police cruiser sitting in the parking lot of the diner they zoom by.
The police car flips its sirens on and begins to give chase after the Trans AM. As Marshall sucks down the last of the joint he notices the sirens popping up over the horizon in his rearview mirror.
Oh crap.
What?
The cops.
OH, F**K! MY DAD WILL KILL ME!
Kill you, what do you think he is going to do to me?
Yeah, but you don’t have all this.
Sandra opens her purse to reveal a treasure-trove of narcotics. Marshall puts the peddle to the metal hoping to keep his license plate out of the eyesight of the officer. As Marshall speeds up and pushes the car up to 125MPH, Sandra cranks the radio up and screams.
WWWWOOOOOOO!!!
Marshall grips the wheel tighter, trying to remain laser-focused on the road in front of him through his purple haze. Suddenly, a sharp turn appears in the road ahead, but Marshall is going too fast to make the turn. Marshall tries to slow down but goes off of the road and plows into a cornfield.
Marshall doesn’t let the lack of a road stop him as he continues to plow through the cornfield. The corn and rough field slow the Tran AM down, but Marshall is still hitting speeds over 60mph as he looks back thinking he has lost the cop. Marshall pops out through corn back onto another road and hangs a hard left.
Alright, looks like we lost them.
Now that was exciting, let’s celebrate.
Sandra reaches into her purse and pulls out a prescription bottle, but just as she does the police car that had been chasing them burst through the cornfield and back onto the road in front of them. Marshall acts fast and whips the car around the police cruiser and then floors it again and pushes the Trans AM back up to 120.
Marshall looks back and sees the cop car turning around and beginning to chase them. Marshall sees a dirt road and notices the cop car is out of sight, so Marshall whips onto the dirt road and speeds down it, pulling off onto a shoulder but leaving himself room to take off again if need be. Marshall flips the radio off and sits quietly as he listens to the police car drive by on the main road and continues down the road until the sound of the siren fades out.
Marshall finally stops holding his breath and pulls down the dirt road.
That was too close.
GOD! That was so exciting.
Marshall says nothing and just continues to breathe deeply, thanking the Lord for getting him through this crazy situation.
Want one?
Marshall looks over to see Sandra throwing a quaalude down her throat and holding the bottle out to Marshall. Marshall snarls, grabs the bottle, and throws it out of the car onto the side of the road.
HEY! Those were the last of my ludes.
She begins to dig into her purse for some other narcotic and Marshall responds by grabbing the purse and throwing it out of the car.
WHAT THE HELL TERRY!?!
Marshall spins around in his seat.
LOOK, DUDE! A little grass is one thing, but I’m not rolling around with Hunter S. Thompson’s goodie bag in the passenger seat.
Oh, Terry, aren’t you so high *she flips a roach out of his ashtray* and mighty *she squeezes his arms*.
Terry snarls, at this moment in his life he had to make a decision. Did he follow the path he had seen so many of his friends go down of fast cars, fast women, and partying that led them all to an early grave? Or, did he take another path of hard work, sacrifice, and doing what is right. Marshall knew what he had to do, and he knew the right choice for him.
Suddenly, Sandra is left standing on the dirt road as the Trans AM peels out down the dirt road leaving her in the dust. As the dust clears, we join Terry Marshall and Space Lord once again on the bleachers of the football stadium.
Terry, I had no idea you had such a shady past as a bad boy.
Eh brother, I was young and dumb, but it worked out for the best.
Really? What happened with the WWWWWWWF and the title?
Oh, I was fired and stripped of the title the next day.
Well, at least we are molding young minds and making the youth of today into the leaders of tomorrow.
Marshall smiles and says, “you’re right brother, you know what dude, let’s watch Naked Gun”. Space Lord and Terry Marshall head off to the Starship Desolator to watch the silver-haired comedic genius that is Leslie Nielson, and as they walk off, we catch a shot of the kid that asked about Big Drip. He is hanging from the goal post by his boxer shorts and screaming for someone to come and let him down.
Monologue:
Brother, do you ever feel like we’re the Rodney Dangerfield’s of Project Honor?
I never feel like we are failing girls’ soccer coaches who need to recruit our own stepson son to dress up like a girl and play for us.
What?
Ladybugs.
Oh, sounds like a reverse “She’s the man”.
Who’s the man?
We are brother.
I thought we were Rodney Dangerfield and we are going back to school.
No, that’s not what I’m talking about.
Are we loud and free-spirited nouveau riche golfers who are livening up a country club that is plagued by a gopher?
What?
Caddyshack, come on Terry, are you sure you aren’t an alien?
No brother, I mean we get no respect. They don’t even have our win/loss record right. We’ve only lost one match here, and we didn’t get pinned, we just didn’t win, but these suckers are giving us two losses on our record. That may not seem like a lot to most people but when you are fighting to get to the top one extra blemish on your record can keep you out of the top spot. We get no respect, but brother we aren’t asking for your respect, and we aren’t asking for a spot, we are going to take it because there is no denying the people. The people are clamoring for S.E.X, and that clamoring has shot us from opening match to headlining the next proving ground. We got the power of the people behind us brother, and those people are called the Sexamaniacs.
Sexamania is a force unlike one that the world has ever seen before. A force that The Commonwealth, Dickie Watson, and Aiden Reynolds are going to feel the power of. Sexamania is more powerful than a strike of thunder, and Sexamania is more powerful than a big bang. Sexamania is the power of all Sexamaniacs channeling their love for S.E.X, the joy that S.E.X gives them, the happiness that S.E.X gives them, the hope, the energy, and the smile that S.E.X gives them. They channel all that energy, and they put their all into it, and brothers that fuels Space Lord and I in a way that Einstein can’t even understand.
They fuel us, and in return, we fight for them. See Commonwealth, we are fighting for something more than just glory, more than just proving those who doubted us in the past wrong like you are Aiden. As a matter of a fact, I was one of those who doubted you in the past, and brother you still haven’t proven me wrong. See dude, when I first heard the name Aiden Reynolds I thought, “man that name sounds familiar; he looks familiar too”, but I couldn’t quite place the name and the face, because obviously, you hadn’t made that big of an impression on me. Then when I was looking over your portfolio and studying tape of you it came to me where I knew you from.
You used to work for me. You probably don’t even remember it because you weren’t employed for too long before we wished you the best in your future endeavors. I was the president of the World Wrestling Organization and we signed you as a top up and comer, what can I say some board members were from down under and there was some Aussie bias. Brother, I’ll say this though, at first I was buying the hype. On paper and in highlight videos you looked pretty darn impressive, but when the time to shine came you dropped the ball and showed that not all that glitters is gold.
You had a lot of people talking you up, but when push came to shove and it came time to walk that walk, you had a limp. You didn’t do much, and you weren’t there long before, the WWO board's dreams of an Aussie superstar turned into a nightmare. Just like at Proving Ground where S.E.X won’t have to do much or be out there too long to end your dreams of tag team gold faster and turn your life into a living nightmare.
I’m willing to concede that you’ve gotten better since then Aiden because frankly, you couldn’t have got much worse. But brother, old Terry Marshall has gotten better since then too. I ditched the suit and tie, and the office and returned to my roots of boots, trunks, and the ring. Like a fine wine, I’ve only gotten better with age and at Proving Ground you are going to find out just how good S.E.X is. As a matter of a fact Aiden, after it is all over and you can see straight again after the force of Sexamania has ravaged you, you will even admit that S.E.X is the best.
DICKIE! You make good workwear for mechanics, and your fighting skills are just as tough as your work clothes. You were the first grand champion and came oh so close to securing the championship of the legacy, but like Maxwell Smart, you missed it by that much. You are tough Dickie, but you are not as tough as us.
We would walk ten miles on my hands and knees. We’d wrestle with a lion and a grizzly bear. It's a warrior’s life, Dickie, and we don't care what it takes to be champions, we will do it. We’d put out a burning building with a shovel and dirt, and not even worry about getting hurt. We will work twenty-four hours, seven days a week just to be the duo’s champions of this world.
YOU, DICKE!
YOU AIDEN!
You are smaller competitors and are used to being the dogs that are under, but you have proven yourselves as great warriors. Terry Marshall and I have shown that we also are great warriors, but are not yet looked upon with the same stature and respect that you two are. We will change that, and we will do that by defeating you two that share your wealth commonly.
Oh, how the turntable will be turned.
You were once the underdogs and now you are the stars that everyone holds in the estimate that is so high. We have made a following that is far beyond cult status but are looked at as the underdogs. WHY WE ARE THE UNDERDOGS, I DO NOT KNOW! What I do know is like a DJ we will turn those tables After Proving Ground we will have proved what we have said, that S.E.X IS THE BEST! We will prove that we are never under anyone as dogs, that we are the big dogs of any yard. AND YOU TWO, Commoners in Wealth, will be back to the board you draw on, and looked at as the dogs who are under. A complete three hundred and sixty.
Brother, that’d be a one-eighty.
I’m referencing a turning of records on a table, a turntable turning.
Brother, you aren’t getting any of that right. It is how the tables have turned; DJs have nothing to do with it. And, if they did a three-sixty, they would be back where they started, a one-eighty puts them in the opposite direction.
Space Lord looks at Terry in confused silence for a moment and then shrugs his shoulder.
I’m no geologist.
Do you me geometer?
What I am, is the Supreme Intergalactic Champion, and we will soon become the duos champions of this Earth and then take those as our collateral to enter the supreme intergalactic duos tournament where we will become the Supreme Intergalactic Duo champions.
We're on the hunt, and Legacy we’re after you. We smell like we sound, we've been lost in a crowd, but we're hungry like the wolf. Aiden you are the wolf of down under, that makes you a Dingo. Did you eat that baby? We may straddle the line, but now is our time. We're on the hunt, and Commonwealth we're after you. Mouth is alive, with juices like wine, and we're hungry for the wolf.
You will be stalked in the pyramids, and we're too close for you to hide. We'll be upon you by the moonlight rise. Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo... neither of you are dodo, but you will be squashed under our boots and wiped off in the grass.
High blood pressure drumming in your ear, your chest is so tight. You feel my heat, my foot up to your behind.
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba bang bang BIG BANG!
You'll be buried six feet under the ground. We're on the hunt, we're hungry for a wolf. We're hungry for the duo's championship, and Commonwealth is the next species on the food chain before we dine on Legacy.
Brother's, Space Lord might sound intense, and he is because we always bring the intensity. We have no beef with you, but we won't hesitate to smoke you two to get our shot at the tag team titles dude. We came here to prove that S.E.X is the best, and so far, we have barely even got a second glance by most people around here. But brother no one will be able to deny us when we beat two of the best in the sport today. And after we handle Dickie and the Dingo, we are heading for the tag team titles, Jack.
The cream always rises to the top dude, and I'm not talking about the Wu-Tang, even though Commonwealth best protect they neck. I'm talking about the cream of the crop. I'm talking about Space Lord and Thundering Terry Marshall, who is the heavy whipping cream. We're keto-friendly, and we bring the whipping heavy dude. You two, you're like half and half, two different types mixed together to try and make something good, but brother everyone knows cream is better than half and half. Cream is thicker, richer, and just taste oh so much better. Just like the taste of S.E.X as tag team champions is so much sweeter on the lips of the fans than the taste of the Commonwealth.
CROWNING, REVENGE, EXTRACTED, AGAINST, MILLENNIALS! CREAM! BEAT THE COMMONWEALTH, Y’ALL!
We will defeat the Dingo and the Dickies Workwear. We will claim our spot at the table and show that WE ARE, the duo should be at the head of the table. S.E.X is hungry, and the hungry dog runs faster. We are climbing that hill and you two are in our path, so you can get out of our way, or be run over. We are hungry, and we will eat, you will eat you two for breakfast, shit you out for lunch, and have the leftovers for dinner.
Wait brother, are you saying we’ll eat poop for dinner?
YES! THAT IS HOW HUNGRY WE ARE! HUNGRY FOR SUCCESS, HUNGRY FOR THE DUO’S CHAMPIONSHIPS, AND HUNGRIER THAN A WOLF!
Set the table for Proving Ground brother, because we are coming to dine on the Commonwealth, and we will have our bellies full by the end of the night. Then at Public Execution, we will have Legacy for desert. And brother, those tag team titles will be the cherry on top.
~Fin.
