Post by Jason Long on Mar 25, 2021 22:15:10 GMT -5
 / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / DO YOU WANNA START A CULT WITH ME? I'M NOT VIBRATING LIKE I OUGHT TO BE I NEED A PURPOSE, I CAN'T KEEP SURFING THROUGH THIS EXISTENTIAL MISERY / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / Have you ever felt as if your life wasn’t perfect? Have you ever felt as if you never had the best of upbringings? For the past ten years, I've felt that way. Since the age of thirteen and finding out about my father for what he truly was, I had always thought that my life was a total shambles. I always thought of my life as something not worth fighting for. Years of depression, years of self doubt, always thought that my upbringing was heavily affected by my father and his family looming around. They wanted us dead, blamed us for his death, they did everything to make us miserable. Manipulation and gaslighting to make him think he was a good person to me but from the truth, he was far from it. If you had told me at the age of thirteen that in ten years I'd be living a life of success and living the best years of my own life… I'd call you a fucking lunatic. But to best explain what had happened, it's time to explore into my past. A past that I never dare to step into when it comes down to matches like this… but my hand is exposed, and I've to play things into the harsh realities of one man and his rise. What truly created me to become the man I am today. If you think you live a life full of disgust and trauma then you truly haven’t known about me then do you? Guaranteed the answer is a hard no. Always has been no. You’re all lucky I’m willing to open up like this. It’s the first and last time I ever do this shit for you. / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / AUGUST 15TH, 1998 // LIMERICK, IRELAND “This is Donal Connolly of RTE News reporting live in the city of Limerick... the manhunt for David Long is now over.” manhunt [ man-huhnt ] noun an intensive search for a criminal, suspect, escaped convict, etc., as by law enforcement agencies. The difficult task of going on the run from any law enforcement was finding a place to hide, a place where nobody could recognise you, or even… escaping the country. David Long spent weeks, if not months, trying to avoid any kind of contact with anyone. An Garda Síochána spent so long looking for him and when they did, it was close to being too late, the news broadcast for the Six One News on RTE One played that night and quickly became one that was watched all around the country. Who would have known that one man could have had this much of an impact and have this much attention? The man had a warrant for his arrest for kidnapping his own child, attempted murder on his own child’s mother, and even grand theft auto. Footage of the news broadcast shows the motorway heading into Limerick, and on the side of the road is a tipped over Ford Escort Coupe ZX2, damaged and entirely wrecked, with ambulances surrounding the crashed vehicle. From how damaged the vehicle was, you'd think nobody would have survived it. David did, however. The poor bastard somehow fucking survived. “...the crashed vehicle that you see behind me was driven by David as he attempted to escape from Tipperary and make his way into the city of Limerick. The stolen vehicle was first reported early this morning after being taken from a residential car park and CCTV footage showed it to be the man An Garda Síochána were looking for these past couple of days…” The entire country shared a sigh of relief. A dangerous criminal finally being put to justice, but for those that have been affected by his actions, they’ve never felt the same. Nor will they ever. Anastasia, the woman that David has tried numerous occasions to be, was just a young seventeen year old woman trying to cater to her young child and seeing the man that manipulated her, victimised her, physically assaulted and much more- to see him finally be taken somewhere that she knew he couldn’t come near her or even her child. Watching the news broadcast from her small suburban parent’s home in the rural part of Wexford Town, tears began to fill her eyes upon hearing the announcement breaking headline news. In her arms was a ten month old child, sleeping as she rocked her arms from side to side, her past ten months have been nothing but hell since the child’s arrival into the world. Thinking she’d have a caring father to look after her child, thinking she’d have someone there to support her through everything, thinking that her life would be perfect with her own child at the age of sixteen. Little did she know that not even a year later, all of this would have happened. Nobody predicted it. Not even David himself. He became obsessed, he became someone very different than to what Anastasia knew him to be. “...but for whatever may have happened on this road, whether a fault occurred in the vehicle or even if David attempted to take a shortcut out of life itself, the people of Ireland can finally sleep in safety knowing that a criminal of this extremity has finally reached the roadblock.” The people of Ireland could sleep but could she? She’s not been able to sleep for days, if not weeks, since he first went on the run. Initially, he had taken the child with him. Not being seen for days, not even a clear known location of where he was, until he rocked up on the doorstep of the parent’s home, knocking on the door and leaving the child on the doorstep before running off again. Having a large machete blade being pressed against your neck is one thing, having a kitchen knife swung at you was another thing, but to take and kidnap his own son for days without any known location of where he might have been, that was what traumatised her to the point of being shaken up for days. Her life was threatened, her son’s life was in danger, and even if that man was behind a cell door, he still had a family out there that would stick up for him in any situation. They didn’t see the faults, even if the manhunt was something that sent the country into a panic. Anastasia’s mother walked into the room, taking the sleeping child from her arms and placing him into a cot just beside the chair she sat in, but all that Anastasia could do was look down at her son. She didn’t want to take her sights off of him, in fear of what happened in the past might repeat itself again, which her mother understood well enough. “Ana, he’ll be fine.” her mother calmly spoke, getting behind her daughter and just barely touching her on her shoulders. Anastasia flinched. Her mother had never seen her own daughter like this, not in a million years would she have thought one of her children would have been afraid of any kind of touch to the point that even the slightest of touches could lead to them flinching. Anastasia was paranoid. Her heart was racing. “Come into the kitchen, Ana. We’ll get you some water, I promise Jason would still be there when you come back, you can even watch him through the window. Okay?” Her very gentle nod was enough for the mother to bring Anastasia to her feet, her legs visibly shaking fast as she took small steps towards the door to the kitchen. Just like her mother had promised, Anastasia watched her son’s cot from the small window that could peek in and see the vast amount of the small living room. Her father soon entered the kitchen from the back halls, a small black bucket of coal in his right hand, he saw his daughter looking into the living room from the kitchen window and took a few steps towards her but the mother grabbed him by the shoulder, shaking her head. Although not a word was spoken, he knew that she didn’t want to disturb Anastasia. Not in the state that she’s in right now at least. There was no doubt in her mind that she wasn’t safe, even being around her family and having her son in her grasp, but something constantly chewed away at her. Maybe her father didn’t understand her pain, didn’t quite understand what went through her head, then again, he has a hard time reading emotions- he was never the kind of person for that. That was always left up to the mother, but he did his best to show his support where he can, even if it’s the bare minimum. “Mam,” breaking her silence as she continued to look into the living room. Her mother took a few steps forward upon hearing Anastasia calling out for her and waiting for her to say something more. Anastasia hadn’t spoken a word since that morning, which was already off-brand for her to do, she’s been the type to talk all day long, but her silence today has been deafening. “What if he comes back… I shouldn’t even be saying that now with the fact that he’s been caught but-” she choked on her own words, a tear falling down her face slowly. “-what if he ever comes back in however long he’s kept in there for. Years, maybe. What if he comes back here looking for myself and Jason? What am I meant to do?” “Ana… darling, you have no need to worry at all because he will never come back here for as long as I am alive.” The mother sounded confident, because she was, but even she had her doubts on whether what she even said was true. David was obsessed, he haunted her for ten long months, and of course he’ll never forget his own son like this. “I will walk through hell and back to make sure that bastard will never step foot near you ever again, and you’ve five brothers who’ll make sure I back up those words too- you already know this, Ana.” Through her snuffling, she wiped away any tears that slowly creeped down her face and looked at her mother, the fear and worry in her eyes was horrifying to stare at from her mother’s perspective. All she could have ever wanted was to make sure her daughter was safe at all times, and that didn’t happen because of this one man. “...i am just so terrified he’ll take him away from me again.” “Absolutely not,” her mother exclaimed. “He will not take him away from you. That child is yours and yours only. Jason is not leaving you any time soon. I promise you that. I’ll take that to my grave.” “Are you sure, mam?” “I’m positive,” the only thing making Anastasia believe in her mother was the confident tone that she spoke in. Without that, she’d have run back into the living room and picked up the child from his cot in fear. “I wish we could have dealt with things much sooner, and I don’t blame you for the most part for not speaking up until recently, but now there’s nothing to be so stressed about. They’ve got him. He won’t be seen for a very long time. We’ll get you back to your old self very soon.” Anastasia could feel herself finally being relieved of all the stress, fear, anxiety and so much more… it all came off of her shoulders the more her mother spoke. She believed everything she said, she believed in everything that she told her, it was the only way she could truly have peace in this world she lives in. Anastasia stood up from the chair that she sat in and slipped into her mother’s arms, sobbing, crying, weeping- any kind of way that makes her tear up. Her tears were heart felt, her tears felt realistic- because they were. Hard to tell what kind of tears they were. Either of relief, of sadness, of happiness, there was just no way of telling, only Anastasia knew herself. / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / NOW WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME REAL ESTATE BUT IF I CHOOSE MY WORDS CAREFULLY THINK I COULD FOOL YOU THAT I'M THE GURU? WAIT, HOW DO YOU SPELL EPIPHANY? / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / I was only ten months old when that shit happened to me, hell, was I even aware of what things were like back then? Of course not, I was just an infant. I hadn’t a clue what was going on, I thought I was just having a day with my own father. At that age, I wouldn’t have known I’d be kidnapped in any way, I didn’t even know what the word fucking meant. To me, I can’t picture everything that happened back then but from what I’ve heard… I saw every single thing that he did to her. I was there when he pressed that machete blade against her neck, I was there when he beat her, I was there for EVERY SINGLE THING. I was just ten months old. Ten months old. After he got released only a few years later, my mam had already moved on to the person I’d know today as my own stepfather. That bastard constantly stalked her, made sure that she didn’t feel safe ever leaving the house again after he got released but then… it stopped. It all just magically stopped. He just disappeared until the day of her wedding. I was still young, I was only eleven at the time, I never knew any of this happened until years later. And it kills me knowing he was right there. He was right fucking there. It took me until the age of thirteen when I was finally told about everything he did and when I did find out… I wanted to kill him myself. Imagine that. Some thirteen year old kid wanting to kill someone for what they did to the person that birthed them, and to make it worse, to want to kill the person that created me- in my head, it was nothing. To my mother, it was passive comments that were only said out of anger. Deep down inside me, I really did want to kill him. But I didn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to it. December 25th, 2012. The day he died. Calling my mother in the early morning hours of Christmas Day and telling her his final goodbye before jumping… diving head first into the river. Eventually drowning. I attended his funeral, not because I had to or anything, but to make sure that the bastard was never ever getting back up. To make sure he didn’t fake this shit for attention. I wanted to make sure I was there when he was buried six feet under. And he did. I’m glad he did. I’m so glad he fucking did. On that day, I made a promise that if I ever became the father to someone’s child- I’d look after them, I’d take care of them, I’d make sure I’d be the man he wasn’t. Though he’s not my son, that’s what I’m doing for Kyler. That’s what I’m doing for Savannah’s child. He’s not mine but god fucking dammit, I’m treating him like my own. The problem with that promise was that I already broke it. A very long time ago. Age of sixteen, I was young and I was fucking stupid. I didn’t have a care in the world. I didn’t think I’d eventually have the career I did now. I was worried, I was scared, and to this day- I’ve never met the kid in my life. Just some random one night stand led to another and then nine months later, that happened. I had kept in touch with her, kept in touch with how the child went along, and that was it. I never tell anyone about it. I guess this would be the first time I’ve ever opened up on it. Not even my closest friends know about it, not even Savannah knew about it, and I’ve told her everything she needed to know about me. My mam never knew about it, nor did my stepfather, but it’s just crazy to me how I couldn’t keep the promise on the day of that bastard’s death. How fucking stupid of me. / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / DECEMBER 29TH, 2016 // WEXFORD TOWN, IRELAND It’s been four long years. Four whole years to the day since he was buried, and not once has Jason forgotten about him. This wasn’t a day of sorrow, of mourning, of any kind in the form of remembrance. This was just your normal casual day living the lifetime of Jason Mavis-Long. Walking through his parent’s home as he came back from his wrestling training, he felt the presence in the home was somewhat… strange. There was nobody around, nobody nearby, not a single person in the house. Jason dropped his gear bag onto the floor, opening up the zip and pulling out his phone from one of the bag’s pockets. Jason reads the text message that his stepfather left him, “Hey, we’re gone out to your grandmother’s for a few hours. Might not be back by the time you get home. Let us know when you head in. See you after.” Even reading the text message, he knew that wasn’t him writing that. Jason and his stepfather haven’t had the best of relationships, constantly fighting with one another to the point of breaking out into fist fights over the smallest of things, they’ve not fought for a month at least -- but that didn’t mean that Jason grew respect for him, it was long before he could ever try to respect him the same again. Jason picked up his gear bag and headed upstairs, into his room where he dropped his bag onto the foot of his bed. Knowing he had a few hours to kill, he switched on his speakers and played away some music whilst heading downstairs, breaking into the fridge and pulling out a can of Miller. Jason cracked the can open, heading back upstairs to enjoy his few hours of silence. “Lush Life” by Zara Larsson playing through the surround sound speakers in his room as he laid there and let his mind wander off, losing focus of the world around him, letting his mind go places and beginning to daydream. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. There was the sound of the front door being knocked on, almost making Jason jump out of bed and onto the floor below, thinking it was his parents back from his grandmother’s so soon. He placed the can under the bed and out of sight from anyone that might have walked into the room, rushing downstairs as he slips into a plain white shirt and walked over to the front door, there definitely was someone standing on the other side of that door but he couldn’t tell from the paned glass that made everything a blur from the other side. “Who’s there?” Jason called out to the person on the other side of the door, and not getting a response made him even more paranoid, he didn’t know who would be on the other side of that door and calling someone to come over to help out wasn’t going to be an option. Arming himself with a hurl set down near the front door, he was ready to swing for whoever it was that was going to be on the other side of the door. “You got one more chance to tell me who the fuck you are or I swear to christ, I’ll bash your skull in with this-” “Jason?” The voice came through from the other side, a younger woman’s voice and sounding very confused as to what was happening, and the chills that went down Jason’s spine were too real to be true. Instantly, he knew exactly who was on the other side of that door- someone he didn’t think he’d see in so long. He threw the hurl back down to where he picked it up from, he didn’t want to open the door but he knew he had to, standing there frozen in time itself. The figure from behind the door soon faded away as she walked away from the home, and once she did, Jason scrambled to unlock the door. In a hurry to make his way out, he stumbles through the door and onto the concrete footpath just outside the home. The woman in question hears it and looks behind her, seeing Jason on the floor as she rushes over to help him back up to his feet. The two lock eyes with one another, to him it felt like the night they met partying with a few friends, but Jason shook it off and stood back up onto his feet, brushing himself off as the young woman did her best to help in brushing him down from anything. “Glad to see you’re still your foolish self after all this time.” Jason smiled at the comment. “Like I’d change at all, Rachel.” “Maybe you might have,” she placed her hand along his arm. “But it’s been a good two years since I’ve been able to talk to you alone and not have you distracted by anything. You know? I’ve been meaning to keep in touch with you but with Aaron and other things…” “How is he anyway?” “Learning to walk now, he is.” Rachel smiled. “He’s learning a lot very quickly and it’s just… such a beautiful sight to see with my own eyes that our child is learning so much so quickly.” There was a bit of awkward silence between the two. Just like she said, it’s been almost two years since they’ve last met one another on their own, any other case had either of them with someone else around. Jason began to rub the upper part of his arm as he stood there awkwardly. “Do you want to come in? I’ve got a free house for a good few hours at least.” “I’m good. I just wanted to come by and just talk to you about seeing your son. It’s been two years and you’ve still not made the effort of seeing him and it’s worrying me as a single mother.” Jason looked to Rachel, heartbroken with the words she just spoke as he lowered his head down, looking down to his feet as Rachel continued to speak. “I didn’t want to make this as awkward on you but it’s almost the end of the year, and he’s not even received a present from you- I’ve not even heard about when you’ll actually give me the money to support your child.” “I’ve not had a job in over a year, Rachel, it’s harder trying to pay for shit myself than to pay for a child that I’ve never met in my life but still want to do everything for. Do you understand that the problems I’ve got right now are too much to handle?” Jason questioned as he looked back up to Rachel. “I’ve not even told my parents about the kid, I’ve told absolutely fucking nobody, about him. I’ve still got people fucking stalking every move I make due to a family that is so obsessed with me and what I do because I won’t associate with them.” “So?” she exclaims. “That child should be your top priority, even if you didn’t want it or you did, it’s your stupid mistakes that me and you are in this situation and we’re the parents to a kid. You are the reason as to why me and you are in this situation and you don’t want to admit that, don’t you?” “I know what I fucking did, Rachel!” “Then why won’t you tell anyone about me? Then why won’t you tell anyone about Aaron? Why are we hidden from people so much and not providing for us at all?” Rachel got into the face of Jason and made sure he couldn’t look away from her, making sure he looked right into her eyes as she spoke. “What is your problem with me? Is there something about me that you don’t want to tell anyone or was I really some one night stand for you to fuck and forget the next day but you fucked up by not covering up?” “That’s not it at all…” “It sure feels that way sometimes, Jason.” Jason sighed as he looked up into the night sky, taking a deep breath before looking back down at Rachel. “I just wasn’t ready to be a father, but that doesn’t mean I wanted to forget about you or our son. We were young, you know that better than anyone else, and we were both drunk.” There was a deep sigh that came from his mouth, he knew what he was going to say was the honest truth and sometimes, the truth hurts- but even Jason didn’t want to hurt Rachel as much as he did now. He still liked her enough to be a lifetime friend. They were so close with one another that even friends made the joke of them being together for a relationship but they were just friends. Friends, right? That’s all it is to him. “Shit happened and now we’re stuck with it. I want to make things right, I’d love to, but I’ve been gone for so long that I don’t think it’ll ever happen again. I’m just trying to focus on my future and make sure I make things right again.” “I want you to make things right again with your son,” tears began to fill up her eyes. “I want to make sure he knows he has a father to look up to at some point. You’re not making it any better for us, for him, and with the past you’ve had- this is really what you want to do?” “Like I said,” again, he sighed. “It’s best if he didn’t know me at all. I’m not the father that child deserves to have, not one that disappears for years and only decides to come back because his mother really needed me around for his sake and for your sake. Aaron deserves better for a father and that man isn’t me, Rachel. You need to just let go of it all. It’s not happening anytime soon. Not now anyway.” “Jason, please.” “I’m sorry,” placing his hands on her hips and pushing her away from him. Tears began to fall from her face as he did so, it’s heartbreaking for her for the father of her own child to not only want to be away from their lives but to push them away from him at the same time. Jason leaned in and kissed Rachel on the lips, just like how they did at the party a little over two years ago, and they both embraced that feeling. Rachel pulled away before Jason could, still tears in her eyes as she placed her hand against his jawline. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore than what I have. I’ve done enough of that to you and to Aaron. I can’t keep it going.” Jason slowly made his way back inside of the house, closing the front door behind him and locking it, making sure that he knew to never open that door again until his parents came back home. He placed his back against the door, sliding down until he sits on the floor, and digging his head into his hands. He could feel the emotions strongly. He wanted to cry his eyes out and just pour his life into everything he created. He knew that he broke the promise he made to his mother four years ago to the day. Jason wanted to tell her what he did, but he didn’t want to upset her in any way by breaking a promise like this, especially when in relation to being a good father to a child. “Jesus christ, what have I done?” The only words that he could slip through his lips in a whispered tone, pulling his head out of his hands and looking around him, there’s been many things that Jason has regretted in life but this one- this was the one that takes the cake. He stood up and off of the ground, again brushing himself down before switching off the lights downstairs as he made his way back upstairs and into his room, pulling the can of beer from under the bed and taking a sip from it. Sadly, he spent so much time away it became flat, and it just wasn’t enjoyable to even drink anymore. He began to turn the can around in his hand, scanning it up and down as he held it up just close to his face and then throwing it against the wall, watching the can explode upon impact with the amount of force put into the throw. Anger and frustration ran through his veins, he wanted to be able to enjoy his night alone and have fun playing his casual video game sessions- but how could he anymore? How could he be able to put focus on anything with what just transpired only a few moments before? He’s just walked out on everything he had. A future that he could only wish about. It was what he wanted, it was what he constantly thought about when planning a future for himself with the right person, maybe it wasn’t because of the child itself… Maybe he never saw Rachel as the right one for him, just like that their childhood friendship turned into a short relationship ended on a sour note. Jason slowly turned around to the wall where his bed was just under, a wall of pictures that he collected for memories, but on one side of the wall is just full of pictures of him and Rachel. “Simpler times were nice... but everything is just oh so fucked up now.” Their smiles showed a time before everything that happened and Jason placing his hand against one of the pictures makes him relapse back to simpler times. Standing there, frozen in place, and soaking in the memories that he once had before shaking his way out of his frozen trance and pulling the printed photographs off of the wall. Crumpling up the polaroids and throwing them down onto the floor, letting his anger out on the wall as he begins to punch and punch and punch and punch over and over again until finally- the drywall is broken through, a hole that reaches to the other side, into his brother’s room. He didn’t even realise how much damage he had taken out on the wall itself until it was too late, and he knew the minute that his parents saw the hole in their wall, they’d punish him for doing such a thing. But he didn’t care anymore. He just didn’t care anymore. No fucking care to the world. None at all. / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE? IT'S TIME TO TAP INTO YOUR TRAGEDY THINK YOU COULD USE A NEW ABUSER CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LISTEN CAREFULLY / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / It’s been five years since then and I’ve yet to see or even hear from them again. Awkward, isn’t it? Awkward how everything seems to have changed around here because of my actions. Since then, I promised I’d make myself a better person and I’d make myself into the man I am today. I’m glad I did change and I’m glad I kept that promise because after that- I didn’t want to make any more promises. I didn’t want to break any more promises. I understand. I am an absolute right fucking prick for doing that to her. I can’t give you any excuse really because there just isn’t any good excuse. I could tell you that I just wasn’t ready to be a father to any child at the age of sixteen and I was worried, but that’s my own fault anyway, If that was the case, I shouldn’t have been drinking that night and eventually sleeping with someone. Everything just seems to be ruined. I wanted what was best for that child from me, but little did I know that the best thing for him was for me to be gone from his life. That hurts me on a different level than telling Rachel that she needed to move on. If I could get in contact with them again, I will. I doubt they’d ever want to talk to me after all of that but even then--it’s great being able to cut the bullshit and break away grudges we might hold against one another. But the thing was that I tried to be someone I wasn’t back then, and when I did, I came to the harsh reality that the person I tried to be just wasn’t really who I was. So I did everything I could to rebuild myself, to remake myself into the person I truly am. I knew it wasn’t going to be who my father was, I’d rather fucking kill myself than to become who I am- then again, a lot of people tell me that I get my sudden outbursts of anger from him. I like to not remind myself of that. Always found it insulting on me to be told I’m just like him after all he did to my family. It was fucking insulting on my part to even hear those words escape from someone’s lips. To disgrace my name like that, to disgrace who I am like that, do you even know who the fuck I am when you say that because clearly you don’t if you compared me to that fucking scumbag psychopath. Everything I do, everything I say, everything I believe in--they always revert back to comparing me to him. It’s the common thing for someone like me. They see anger, they think of him. They see violence, they think of him. They see a broken man that’s turned to someone he never was before, they refer back to him for what he was and what he changed to. It’s been a pattern all of my life. I just can’t escape it no matter how hard I try, and when I find myself going down that path to the point where they make those comparisons, it fuels me more to become someone like him, because of that anger and because of that drive that makes me just want to fucking kill every single bastard person in front of me. To drive me this fucking insane is like finally making someone push past their breaking point, saying things that’ll definitely go past their boundaries of pure hatred and anger, to get personal and to twist things around--twisting the stories around and fabricating the truth of what might and might not be the reality. But this is what it’s all about right? Finally being able to speak about the truth, finally being able to speak about what is real and what is not, I could tell you that every single thing that’s happened so far was never true. Maybe it wasn’t and I’m just telling you all of this for the sake of some story. For the sake of one upping you in this game--but I’m not. This is all real, every single thing you’ve heard me say is real because the fact of the matter is that I never tell a single goddamn lie about anything. I’ve got nothing to hide, I’ve got no past afraid to be told, I can tell each and every single one of you the truth and you’ll have no choice but to believe it. Because I’ll never lie to you at all, never to any of your faces, but you’d rather stand up for the one who thinks she knows everything when in reality all that she does is just tell you lies, deceit, and fabricated lies to change the story around--to make herself sound like the hero in all of this. You’re no hero. And I’m no villain. The only thing about you is that... ...you’re just a massive fucking fraud. / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / MARCH 17TH, 2021 // CROSSTOWN CEMETERY, WEXFORD TOWN, IRELAND “The sorrow we feel when we lose a loved one is the price we pay to have had them in our lives.” ― Rob Liano It’s been three months since the deathmatch in Japan that made Jason lose a loved one, a very special and important loved one in his life, his own mother. The woman that raised him all of his life, the woman who supported him through everything in his life, the woman who was his role model for years and years--throughout his whole entire life itself. He was there for her through every single moment in life, through all of the hospital trips and through all of the moments when she was alone and had nobody around. If he could, he’d hold her in his arms again. But the last time he did was when she was dead in his arms, bleeding out profusely, her weight becoming dead. It was a traumatic experience that he can’t escape from, it reminded him of the trauma he had back when his father was alive and how she went through the same pain. The silence was deafening when there was nobody around, he couldn’t call his mother from halfway across the globe to check on her, keep up with the family gossip, see how things are back at home. She was gone--for good--and there’s nothing he could do about it. Jason was aware that he wasn’t the only one who grieved for her, but he felt as if he’s making the most effort to remember her, by doing everything for her. Silence was all he could hear, maybe the sound of leaves rustling in the background as he begins to picture life with her again, the day before it all went downhill in his life, promising to be the role model that she was for him and handing him the wrestling tights that he wore for his match against Colt Montoya at Wrestleworld for the European Championship. That silence was just enough to break a man down to his knees. Jason was strong however, able to keep himself on his feet as he continued to visually picture his life leading up to the moment that has scarred him since. The moment when he crawled through shards of glass with his bare hands to comfort his mother and hold her in his arms, bawling his eyes out as he does so, and Jason is struggling to breathe- taking fast deep breaths as he stands there and continues to picture himself kicking the everloving shit out of his alternate dimension self, leaving him in a bloody mess just like he left his mother in the corner of the ring in a bloody mess. GONG. GONG. GONG. Upon the third gong of the church bells being heard in the background, Jason opened his eyes and found himself standing at the foot of his mother’s own grave. Flowers of the many surrounded the grave as Jason continued to look down, seeing the headstone and reading her name out loud in his head. It’s the first time he’s been able to stand at the grave site since she was buried a few weeks into January. Jason smiled upon seeing it looked after with care, nothing destroyed or damaged, flowers being replaced every week and given a new set of flowers. He was pleased with how things were back here in Ireland, though he wishes he left Canton without saying goodbye to Savannah, leaving in the middle of the night to make sure he made his way back home to Ireland. Weeks and weeks of thinking, contemplating, constantly traumatising about that night in Japan-- oh how he hated that memory imprinted in his mind. How that memory of him holding her dead, lifeless body in the middle of the ring was just stuck in his mind. It was a fate worse than death itself. “Hey,” a voice is heard from behind him. His younger brother, Nathan, came up from behind and wrapped his arm around Jason. Nathan knew how Jason felt since that night, he knew what kind of feeling it would be like to live in another continent and not be close to their mother’s burial place. There’s no tears running down Nathan’s face but some began to build up in Jason’s. “How have things been for you? It’s been a while. I know you’ve not said a word since coming back but I feel as if you need to know this. But she always been asking for you every single day that you weren’t here. Mam always asked if you were going to be around this holiday or that holiday or whatever date it was. Late night shows or not, she’ll stay awake to make sure she’ll see you compete, hoping you’ll win.” Jason shook his head and sighed. “Son of a bitch, are you trying to make me cry or something?” “Had a feeling it would, people do need to cry in moments like these.” “Crying?” There's a slight smile on Jason’s face as he looks towards Nathan and then back to the grave stone. “Oh believe me, I’ve done too much crying when I was making my way over here. What you’ve said makes me feel so much more emotion than before. You know how much you just brought more tears to my eyes, Nate? That’s just fucking killing me right now, man.” “Oh, come on now, Jay,” Nathan grabbed onto Jason’s head and pulled him closer to his head, bashing heads with one another in a friendly manner. “I don’t mean to make you all teary eyed and you know this because I’d hate to see you crying in any way. You gotta remember when I was there when you found out about Rachel, and when you found out about the child-” Jason snaps his head in the direction of Nathan, a scowling look on his face. “Nathan, we talked about this. We don’t bring her up. Period.” “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I forgot the boundaries.” “Boundaries, my bollocks.” Jason shook his head before circling around the grave, he leaned against the headstone and gave it a kiss. The marble stone texture rubbed against his lips as he did before fixing his posture and standing upright, looking to his brother with the tears in his eyes slowly falling down his face. “All of the boundaries I had were broken the minute she died. It’s fucking sickening that you had to bring it up at her grave, you know that I never ever wanted to bring that up to her for as long as I lived, it fucking ate away at me for years on end that I couldn’t tell her I failed at my promise.” “Jay, I forgot for a moment about the whole situation.” Nathan put his hands out, gesturing for his brother to just relax a little. He could feel Jason getting a little bit heated up and that was the last thing he needed right now, especially for where they just stood right now. Jason got closer to Nathan as he held his hands out to keep Jason back but all that Jason does is walk past him to make his way back to his car. Nathan looks on in confusion, trying to follow his lead, and making his way down to the car with him. “Jay, come on. You know I didn’t mean to cause any kind of trouble at all, I just forgot about everything and didn’t realise.” “Nah, nah. It’s fine. Absolutely fine.” The car doors unlocked as Jason tapped onto the door handle of his Tesla, pulling the handle and placing one foot into the car as he looked around him and then up the path, seeing the grave from far. The tears in his eyes finally began to fall. “It gave me a reminder of what I used to be like back when I was just sixteen and you were only twelve, those were the times and sometimes, I wish things were back to the way they were when I was sixteen. Those were the good times, the good years, the best days of my life. I wasn’t travelling the world and I wasn’t going every night. And guess what…” Smiling from ear to ear and holding the tears in his eyes. “...back then, we’d still have a fucking mother to love and cherish every single day and night for. There’s not a single fucking day that’s gone by where I don’t think that, Nathan. There has not been a single goddamn fucking day that’s gone by where I don’t think that maybe… just maybe… if I didn’t become a professional wrestler and be who I am today then mam would still be alive today.” Nathan stands there in silence, frozen in place as he just stares at Jason but in a quick flash, he swings and connects on the jaw of Jason, almost knocking him to the floor. Of all the people he would’ve expected some kind of comment on their deceased mother, Jason was the last name he could have thought of. How could he after all the heart pouring he did for her. “You called me out for boundaries but here you are saying all of this? SHE DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE WHO YOU ARE TODAY! You’re going to tell me you regret ever doing so? You’re gonna tell me that everything she did for you and you’re gonna forget all about that? Are you fucking serious, Jay?” Jason is visibly shaken from the punch, shaking off the hit and slowly coming back up to his feet. A grin grew on his face as he looked up towards Nathan, as if he enjoyed the punch taken from his brother, Nathan swung again and this time, it took Jason right off of his feet and landing down onto his face, the stones almost lacerating his skin, pulling his face from the ground and seeing the blood drooling from his mouth. “If only you knew, Nate…” “Knew fucking what, Jay? Please elaborate how if I only knew.” Anger was the only thing that fueled through Nathan’s veins as he watched Jason get back to his feet and brush himself down, his fist curled up into a ball and ready to swing for him again if he even dared to say the wrong thing again. “Anyone else I would have tolerated this kind of behaviour, I’d tolerate it and pull them aside to make sure they knew- but you, of all people, should have fucking known better BECAUSE IT’S YOUR OWN MOTHER, YOU BASTARD! Imagine what’d happen if you did this in front of da, imagine what he’d do to you right now and you know yourself that he wouldn’t stop until you didn’t move anymore.” “Yeah, I know.” Jason sighed to himself, leaning back against the Tesla and letting the blood continue to drool from his mouth. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I’ve just been constantly drinking and I don’t even know what to do anymore-” “No,” Nathan exclaims. “Absolutely not. You’re not using fucking alcohol as an excuse for this shit, you bastard.” “That’s not what I’m saying, Nate.” “That’s what I am HEARING from you, Jason.” Nathan shook his head in disgust. “The best thing you can do is to get the fuck out of here, go back to fucking wherever you might have came from because if this is what you’re going to be like now that she’s gone -- then we don’t want you here. We really don’t want you here. Don’t make me go back to da and tell him what you’ve told me because I will and you’re not gonna love that oncoming shit storm.” Jason lowered his head in shame. There’s no worse feeling in the world than to be disowned by his own family, but then again- he deserves it, how could he have ever said such a thing about his own mother like that when she did everything for him. This wasn’t Jason at all, this wasn’t who he was, he loved his mother and respected her in every way he could, he did everything for her. “I’m sorry.” This was gone too far, and Jason was going off the deep end in a moment like this, because of everything that’s happened in his life and everything that he’s gone through--it’s been an emotional wild time lately. If only he could change things and make them right again, if only he could make things different, if only he could make things the way they should be. If he could, her death could have never happened. Her death wouldn’t have never even happened in the first place--he would have been the one who’d die instead. Jason would have bit the bullet for his own mother if he could ever rewrite history one time. All would have been fine. All would have been fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Jason brought his head up with tears falling down from his face as he looked to his brother, Nathan’s scowl doesn’t change for a second even seeing the tears in his brother’s eyes but Jason simply turned back around and sat in his car, closing the car door shut and looking forward in the driver’s seat. Nathan stood outside of the car, just waiting for him to drive away- just waiting for him to finally leave. Jason started up the car engine and continued to stay looking ahead, not looking out the side of his car’s window to see what his brother's doing but he could still feel that presence strongly, he can feel that scowling look staring right back down. Is this really what he wanted? Is this really what he needed to do? Is this exactly what needs to be done with his life? To walk away from his family on the day that he wanted to make up for his silence since her funeral? This is not what he fucking wanted in his life -- to be disowned by his brother, his sister, his family -- this is not what he wanted to have after all of this. He experienced the most trauma but they’re pushing him away, they’re pushing him further away because of his actions, and all he wanted to do was to write his wrongs. He’s just doing it in the wrong way possible. Pulling away from the cemetery parking lot, Jason drove away in silence. Bottling up his emotions felt too easy to do, it felt so common, it felt like he’s done it so many times, but at this rate- he’s got no choice but to be bottling up his emotions. If this is what life will be like heading into Wired Consequences, then he’ll take out every single thing onto Kayla and make sure she feels every single beating he’ll give her. Jason doesn’t care, he knew he was going to beat her up any way to make sure he’ll become who he says he’ll become -- The Noble King. Long will he reign. / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / AND I KNOW THIS DOESN'T MAKE A LOT OF SENSE BUT DO YOU REALLY WANNA THINK ABOUT YOURSELF NOW? ALL I'M ASKING FOR'S A LITTLE BIT OF FAITH YOU KNOW IT'S EASY TO BELIEVE / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / That emotional pain is something you just cannot replace so easily. It’s something we’ve all experienced in life but this one -- to me, at least -- is just so much more painful. The emotional pain is just something I have to live with, die for, soaking it in and letting it happen in my life. I’ve just got to put up with it all and not complain when it hurts to the point where I cannot take it any more or I'll just kick the chair from under my feet and let the noose hold my weight. Doesn’t that sound like the perfect idea to you all? I’m sure there’s so many out there that’ll love that idea of me hanging from a noose, my neck cracking to the point where I can’t move anymore and I’m fucking dead as I hang from the roof of my home. To have my own family disown me for saying some of the shit about I said, I can understand why they would do that but they’re just not understanding where I’m feeling that same kind of pain. Do you think I wanted to say all of that and mean it? I’ve done enough to prove that my heart lies for this family more than anything. I paid for the funeral bills when they couldn’t. I paid for my father when he had nothing left to feed my brother and sister. I did so much but the bare minimum of the family wants to push me away for the emotional mess I became since she died, but please, continue to push me away because you just push me and drive me more into beating the absolute fucking shit out of Kayla Richards. You drove me into this, you know what you’ve done, you reap what you sow. It was bad enough that people decided that I have to face the bitch for the second time - but at the same time - there was nobody else more fitting to be put into the role. I’ve gotten into the details of one’s past before and let me tell you that it is not pretty- it is not for the faint-hearted but that is just lies at the end of the day, right? That’s what everyone keeps telling me because there’s just no proof of it ever existing, and I had no words to back up my claims nor did I have any of your words to back up yours. But that word on the long grapevine told me about this, and so much of these YouTube videos that are like “Before They Were Famous” as they talked about this kind of thing so the question now is that… am I wrong or are you finally admitting to your own lies? Imagine fabricating a sob story for everyone to believe because you wanted to seem like you’ve been through so much, huh? I got beat up by my own father but now it’s made me who I am today and that’s a heartless, ruthless, son of a bitch that takes no bullshit from anyone. Where’s the logic in that then- if there even is any kind of logic with what you do? I could ask your sister how things were because I’m great friends with Adam, her fiance, which makes those connections so much stronger than you may think. I can find out very easily how much of a liar you are. I can find out very easily how much of the truth is out there. Continue to dismiss it like it’s not real, continue to retcon it like it never happened in your life, but I exposed you for who you are and I got you right where I need you to be. When you got exposed the first time, you lost focus and you got your head kicked clean off your body. Imagine how you’re going to feel now knowing that I’ve told nothing but the truth and I’ve told everyone a real life story with multiple layers of twists and turns, not one thing and done with the story. Those beatings last seconds but my trauma, my experiences, my past has lasted a whole lifetime since the day I was born. I didn’t make this shit up in seconds like you might have, this is years and years and so many fucking years with newspaper articles and news coverages and court hearings and criminal records and even fucking death. A slap on the back of the hand is all you’ve gotten but your whiny, overreacting bitch ass took it one step further. Is that just fucking upsetting to you? Is that just fucking upsetting to you that you’ve got all of this support because nobody ever wants to believe in me- they just don’t want to see me as a champion when myself becoming a champion is the inevitable. The fucking inevitable that nobody can escape from, it’s the one thing that makes me different from everyone else because when I say it- I make sure I stick to my word and I put on the match of my god damn fucking life to become a champion- you got crowned the champion and you failed to make stellar performances against The Best Bout Machine himself. How shit are you? You’ve been doing this longer than I have but who has cared about your past more than they’ve cared about mine. I’ve been more popular in the last year than you have in your entire career. It’s taken me three years and I’ve done so much more than you. I have done so much more than you that it puts your accolades, your wins over the likes of Adrien Cochrane, Johnny Maverick and others like that- I put them to shame just by what I can do. You beat them, did you? So have I and I’ve gotten the Match of the Night awards to prove it. Where’s your Match of the Night awards? Where’s your multiple World Championship reigns of places that actually matter? Oh, HYBRID? Yeah, not fucking relevant anymore now that it’s dead. NGW? Again, it was good when it was alive but here it is. Deceased. How about mine, huh? XHW? Alive. XHF? Alive. Destiny Wrestling? Alive until the day I die. Wherever you go? Things die and are placed into irrelevancy. It’s been that way for so long that it’s just a common cause of death for these companies. For me? I’m not looking to make sure Project: Honor is the next one to go. You were handed the Noble Championship, not given the championship because you deserved it but you were handed it due to everyone in that Tyrant shit show being worth fucking nothing but a name of nobodies. Who’s talking about Straders today? Who’s talking about McLeod to this day? Reznik hasn’t proven a damn thing yet other than some Polar Bear bullshit. Pyro is just there as filler in the Prime Championship match. Fairweather is only over because he says “motherfucker” a lot. Winterborn got demoted from Noble Championship contender to being the supposed Ace of Ascension. Then there’s me and you. One left at the very beginning and one left at the very end of the match. Kayla Richards. The Dreamkiller. The Project: Honor Noble Champion. Man, it’s saddening to see a championship go to waste as quick as that championship has with you as the champion, because it’s just so… undeserving how you won that title. Oh you came second place in this match, let’s reward you with this championship that we definitely didn’t forget about at the Pay Per View where we crowned all of our champions. It’s just so weird seeing you act like you’re so deserving of this title when all you’ve done is get hoe’d out on your first day as champion to the point of beating someone called “Finale”. Oooh, he’s so serious and he’s such a good opponent to be facing, it’s amazing how this might be one of the best new talents that Project: Honor has picked up. Your tenure as a champion has been proving that you’re nothing more than second rate and nowhere near my level. If I had to pick where I belonged, I’d tell you that it’s some place that Elena and Dickie are standing right now. I should be the main event, not the mid card scenes looking to put prestige back into a belt because the current champion only won it for coming second place-- not first like Christian DeMarco might have worded it when he handed the title to you, Kayla. You came second place. How does it feel knowing the only way you’ll ever achieve something here is when you come second place in things. When you became the Noble Champion, you came in second place. When people talked about our match and how good it was, you did it when you came in second place. Nobody cared if you won some pre-show shithousery. Nobody cared when you beat some guy with a shitty ring name like FiNaLe - this is what makes you the worst champion that Project: Honor has ever had and we’ve had Colton Saint as the champion for a while back, yet you beat him when it comes to shit fest champions and their impacts. Never had I seen a championship go from being talked about to nothing but silence after you held the championship in your hands, never had I seen people shit on a champion as much as they’ve shat all over you, never had I seen a champion less deserving of their place since you, Kayla. You did so little, Kayla. You did absolutely nothing. Why the fuck are you even here? How many matches have you won that aren’t dark matches, Kayla? I can tell you very easily. One. You’ve won one match since that little dark match debut you had, and it was a win? Too bad nobody is able to see these dark matches, Kayla. Sara Cross? Fucking please, Kayla. If you’re proud of your wins and you’re proud of that win alone then I ask of you to seek professional help. Please fucking do it. Please, I beg of you. Because maybe you’ll be gone for so long that we won’t even notice you’ll be gone. Your consistency to be actually relevant in 2021 amazes me so if you ever left, then that’s fine. Nobody will miss you. I’m sure not even Tasmin will miss you, she’s got her own gig she’s doing and she’s getting more relevant than you, Kayla. Imagine that, Kayla, your own sister being better than you. Hell, your own fiance -- WHO NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF BEFORE AND NOBODY CARES TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT -- is MORE. FUCKING. RELEVANT. Maybe I shouldn’t be bringing up personal lives but since you want to do it to me oh so badly, may I remind you that trying to bring up my personal life isn’t worth the time and the effort that you might be putting into it. I saw you did the same old thing of “let’s bring up Sara Cross lmfao” or “oh hey, he’s posting about this bitch every fucking time on twitter, let’s shit all over her and make him angies lolololol” like hey, you’re not special. You’re doing what everyone else does, you’re doing what other people have done, can you come up with something maybe… I don’t fucking know… original? If you could, then we wouldn’t have such a shitty backstory like what these videos have been telling us about you and your father. I’m sure you must love having fun taking bits and pieces from my Twitter feed to use against me in your video, aren’t you? Oh he got her a puppy for her birthday, lemme take that and manipulate that around. A diamond promise ring? Yeah, nah. Let’s try and crush her dreams. Oh, you dated Sara Cross for like a week and shagged her-- oh yeah, me using her for sex was definitely the way to go around things, absolutely was a relationship. Hey, he did this when he was with Rebecca Brookes, be careful, Sav! Hey, he almost married some chick named Hannah but broke off when he became an X*Crown Champion- oh no, Savannah, watch out before he does the same to you! God, you are so fucking PREDICTABLE. ...and you’re so fucking plain too... You can’t keep up with yourself, how the fuck are you going to keep up with me, Kayla? The moves you perform? I make that shit ten times as dangerous as they should be, and I make sure that when it connects- it’ll fucking hurt for a long ass time, but you’re all about being generic and being common like every other person on this entire roster. Congratulations, Kayla, you’re officially a part of the “I really wish I was unique like the rest” club. Take a seat, please, it’ll be nice to hear what you’ve got to say on the subject of being so generic-- I mean, unique like everyone else here, you know? If you can’t keep up with me, then why are you even here? If you can’t keep up with me, then why are you even wrestling? Give up now and just fucking retire. You’ll do the whole world a favour when you eventually do, Kayla. So when Wired Consequences comes around and you’ve got the Noble Championship in your hands, take a moment to soak in the moments you’ve got left with it because I don’t guarantee that you’ll be walking away empty handed, I fucking promise that you won’t be walking out of the match with the championship. You’ve never been deserving of that championship the moment I kicked your fucking head off on Fallout just moments after being crowned a “champion”. The only deserving thing you’ve done was walk into this match with me because I will fucking make you into someone worthnothy again. Kayla Richards, I will make you a star just like I have with everyone else and by that--you have no choice but to be laying in the middle of that goddamn ring and under my foot as I hold the Project: Honor Noble Championship up high into the air and solidify the belt with prestige, with honor, with a champion that isn’t a fucking bum. But you can chat your shit, I know you already have, but at the end of the day it’s already been something that someone has said in the past. I know it is because you never make up original shit. You make the same points over and over and over again. Week after week after fucking week. All you ever fucking do is chant that same old mantra that you’re better and I’m not like some fucking goober that you are. “I can beat you because I am a badass kicking bitch who’s heartless and doesn’t take any bullshit, you’re so bad at what you do. I cannot wait to beat you, King Nothing. What kind of name even is that when you’ve done nothing to make you a king? You’re not even good at what you do and my dad gave me better beatings than what you did-” Shush. Listen to that silence and you tell me… what does everyone hear when you speak? Nothing. They hear nothing because all you speak about, all you say, all the points you think you make -- they’re all hollowed words. Haven’t you noticed the silence for when you speak your mind? I have and it’s deafening, Kayla. Kind of like how the old saying goes… For when I speak, they listen - and for when they speak, nobody ever listens. I aim to kill, not to maim, and I am preparing for the kill shot that puts you, your reign and your career into the coffin because it’s just about time someone finally put you to rest. It’s about time someone finally put you right where you belong in the fucking dirt. And when it’s all said and done? They’ll be the ones chanting “JA-SON LONG!”, “JA-SON LONG!”, “JA-SON LONG!” over and over again. When it’s all said and done? There’ll be a brand new Project: Honor Noble Champion. When it’s all said and done? This championship will finally have what it deserves -- a Noble King to bring prestige to his belt, and I’ll defend that belt week in and week out to make sure that everyone knows that this championship isn’t going to go to waste just like that. I’ll take on all challengers, I’ll fight them and I’ll knock them all down piece by piece because THAT is what a King does. THAT is what a champion does. That is what I do. Say your final prayers, Kayla. Spend your last dreams on heaven. Because it’ll make dragging you through hell so much sweeter. And it’ll make taking everything from you so much more worth it than it ever has before. Long may The King fucking reign on Project: Honor. Long may The King reign through the Noble Division. Long live The Noble King. All hail. / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / BEFORE THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE, IT'LL PISS YOU OFF BEFORE YOU FIND A PLACE TO BE, YOU'RE GONNA LOSE THE PLOT BEFORE THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE, IT'LL PISS YOU OFF BEFORE YOU FIND A PLACE TO BE, YOU'RE GONNA LOSE THE PLOT TOO LATE TO TELL YOU NOW, ONE EAR AND RIGHT OUT THE OTHER ONE 'CAUSE ALL YOU EVER DO IS CHANT THE SAME OLD MANTRA / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / |
