Post by Crash Rodriguez on Mar 24, 2021 18:57:51 GMT -5
We open at the dawn of day, watching over rolling hills of lush green, when we see a silhouette suddenly over the horizon. As the figure comes closer to frame, we see that it’s a man mounted on a steed, riding with sword in hand. It isn’t long before we clearly see that the mystery man is none other than Crash Rodriguez, but we also notice he’s riding on top of Daniel the Cow, adorned in his own set of custom plate armor. They ride to a sudden halt as Crash waves the barbed wire wrapped hockey stick, formally mistaken as a sword. Crash hops down from his mount and speaks quite sternly.
“Soon we will ride into Athens to do battle. Soon five people will rip each other apart, for the chance to be crowned Champion. Soon, I will stand, arm raised in victory, as I usher in a new era. An era of violence, bloodlust, and gold. I am Crash Rodriguez, I am your next Ascension Champion.”
Crash grabs the reins attached to his favorite cow, and leads Daniel across the beautiful meadow.
“You see this isn’t a game to me anymore. I’ve decided to forcefully take what I deserve, and at Wired Consequences I’ll start by winning that fancy pants holder upper, and by making each unfortunate soul that steps into that ring a broken, crying, mess.”
“Moo”
Crash pets Daniel behind the ear, calming the bovine. Daniel stops and begins munching on the grass, while Crash smiles gently.
“You haven’t seen anything yet, little buddy. This is definitely going to be one of the bloodiest fights seen in Project Honor, and it’s so fitting to be held in Athens. A place full of so much philosophy, politics, and mathematics. It brings to mind the Peloponnesian Wars, the fantastic stories of Ancient Greece. The power of the Gods and Titans.”
“Moo”
Crash seems a tad annoyed that he was cut off, but he brushes it off and scratches Daniel’s back.
“Yes, DanDan, I figured you’d see where I was taking that, but please. Don’t interrupt me.”
“Mooo”
Crash seems happy with his reply, whatever it was.
“Titan’s like Atlas, whose punishment is to hold the sky above the earth for eternity. Constantly having the weight of the cosmos pushed against him. A sentence worthy for such a powerful being, yet we have our own Atlas. See, Eli is in a similar situation. A champion, holding the weight on his back, as eyes watch over him. As people try and rip away the one thing that’s made him a name I can remember. That precious Championship. Eli, I’ll admit, I like you, but I also like Lou Pohl, and a lot more than I like you. So I’m giving you an out, stay out of my way, because if you fuck around, you’ll find out. I’ll crush you worse than the sky could ever hope to.”
Crash walks away from Daniel, heading towards a familiar small shack. A few seconds inside is all it takes before old Crash fans realize it’s the shack from his Crooked Man persona. The hanging lightbulb swings, while Crash leans over his old workbench.
“I figured why be original in my approach for this next one? Zack Tyler. I love the simplistic name, it helps me to remember to keep it simple. It reminds me that you are simple, recycled, overdone. Boring? Sure, let’s use that one too. I’ll be honest, I can’t quite piece together what you’re doing here…”
Crash pauses a second before turning around.
“My fuck this guy’s so plain, I think we will move on.”
Crash exits the shack, and heads back to where Daniel is peacefully grazing some grass. The sky has slowly changed from blue, to the most beautiful orangish red tint. Crash climbs on top of Daniel, and the two begin to slowly ride away.
"Kasey. Winter. Born. She's as fiery as her hair. She's just as ready to prove herself as everybody else in this match, it's just unfortunate that she'll just end up in a mass grave of decomposing filth. So, I have a question for you ma'am. Wanna be laid on top or bottom? Because that's the best offer I can give you. You won't win, and yeah, you can count my losses here all you want, but that doesn't mean anything now that I've changed this game. You have decided to be in my way, and now like a child with his sister's barbie dolls I'm going to torture you, mutilate you and set you ablaze."
Daniel comes to a halt, Crash tries to get him to walk further but to no avail, as DanDan is more interested in eating than transporting his twisted friend.
"Moooo"
"Well I suppose I could talk about them now."
Crash hops off his ride and starts to scratch behind Daniel's ears, as his voice is haunting and calm. Different from the slightly playful tone he's taken thus far.
"I've been doing this all my life, in dilapidated warehouses and gyms. I've pull thumbtacks, barbed wire, and broken glass from my flesh. I've fallen off ladders, cages, scaffolding. I've been brutalized by my own father for talking to another promoter. I've endured suffering beyond any trick you could try and pull. You hate me? Good, I hate you too. You prance around whining and complaining. 'Oh Crash cost me my belt! I would've won if it wasn't for that cow!' Get real, you lost because you we're more focused on punching cattle than you were on protecting your crown. I'll be honest, Daniel the Cow interrupting your match was an accident, but the fact you lost because of such a minor inconvenience proves you don't deserve that belt. You're sloppy. The fact you've ever held gold surprises me. The facts are simple, Horror. You're a little crybaby bitch playing Halloween. You got beef? Cute. This is steak. The stakes aren't just that of the Ascension championship. I'm here to prove what I already knew. I am violence. I am the Crooked Man. And Daniel, unlike you… I get the job done."
Crash grabs his barbed wire hockey stick and smashes it against Daniel's face. The cow lets out a painful and shocked mooo. Crash's face twists into a smile as he unleashes 3 heavy swings into his beloved bovine. As Daniel falls to the ground, our "hero" continues to brutalize the cow. Blood is splattered all over El Vagabundo, as he begins kicking and clawing the fallen heffer. He pants slightly as he speaks just as calm as before. His voice is gravelly.
"That's one Daniel dead. Won't be long before I exterminate the other. And I'm sure you're all shocked that I did that. But I'll tell you now, he's served no benefit to me anymore. And those four unfortunate souls are in for much worse. So. I have one last question. Will you feel the thrill of battle, or will I smell your fear?"
The screen fades to black but a metallic whisper is suddenly heard.
"Welcome the Crooked Man"
“Soon we will ride into Athens to do battle. Soon five people will rip each other apart, for the chance to be crowned Champion. Soon, I will stand, arm raised in victory, as I usher in a new era. An era of violence, bloodlust, and gold. I am Crash Rodriguez, I am your next Ascension Champion.”
Crash grabs the reins attached to his favorite cow, and leads Daniel across the beautiful meadow.
“You see this isn’t a game to me anymore. I’ve decided to forcefully take what I deserve, and at Wired Consequences I’ll start by winning that fancy pants holder upper, and by making each unfortunate soul that steps into that ring a broken, crying, mess.”
“Moo”
Crash pets Daniel behind the ear, calming the bovine. Daniel stops and begins munching on the grass, while Crash smiles gently.
“You haven’t seen anything yet, little buddy. This is definitely going to be one of the bloodiest fights seen in Project Honor, and it’s so fitting to be held in Athens. A place full of so much philosophy, politics, and mathematics. It brings to mind the Peloponnesian Wars, the fantastic stories of Ancient Greece. The power of the Gods and Titans.”
“Moo”
Crash seems a tad annoyed that he was cut off, but he brushes it off and scratches Daniel’s back.
“Yes, DanDan, I figured you’d see where I was taking that, but please. Don’t interrupt me.”
“Mooo”
Crash seems happy with his reply, whatever it was.
“Titan’s like Atlas, whose punishment is to hold the sky above the earth for eternity. Constantly having the weight of the cosmos pushed against him. A sentence worthy for such a powerful being, yet we have our own Atlas. See, Eli is in a similar situation. A champion, holding the weight on his back, as eyes watch over him. As people try and rip away the one thing that’s made him a name I can remember. That precious Championship. Eli, I’ll admit, I like you, but I also like Lou Pohl, and a lot more than I like you. So I’m giving you an out, stay out of my way, because if you fuck around, you’ll find out. I’ll crush you worse than the sky could ever hope to.”
Crash walks away from Daniel, heading towards a familiar small shack. A few seconds inside is all it takes before old Crash fans realize it’s the shack from his Crooked Man persona. The hanging lightbulb swings, while Crash leans over his old workbench.
“I figured why be original in my approach for this next one? Zack Tyler. I love the simplistic name, it helps me to remember to keep it simple. It reminds me that you are simple, recycled, overdone. Boring? Sure, let’s use that one too. I’ll be honest, I can’t quite piece together what you’re doing here…”
Crash pauses a second before turning around.
“My fuck this guy’s so plain, I think we will move on.”
Crash exits the shack, and heads back to where Daniel is peacefully grazing some grass. The sky has slowly changed from blue, to the most beautiful orangish red tint. Crash climbs on top of Daniel, and the two begin to slowly ride away.
"Kasey. Winter. Born. She's as fiery as her hair. She's just as ready to prove herself as everybody else in this match, it's just unfortunate that she'll just end up in a mass grave of decomposing filth. So, I have a question for you ma'am. Wanna be laid on top or bottom? Because that's the best offer I can give you. You won't win, and yeah, you can count my losses here all you want, but that doesn't mean anything now that I've changed this game. You have decided to be in my way, and now like a child with his sister's barbie dolls I'm going to torture you, mutilate you and set you ablaze."
Daniel comes to a halt, Crash tries to get him to walk further but to no avail, as DanDan is more interested in eating than transporting his twisted friend.
"Moooo"
"Well I suppose I could talk about them now."
Crash hops off his ride and starts to scratch behind Daniel's ears, as his voice is haunting and calm. Different from the slightly playful tone he's taken thus far.
"I've been doing this all my life, in dilapidated warehouses and gyms. I've pull thumbtacks, barbed wire, and broken glass from my flesh. I've fallen off ladders, cages, scaffolding. I've been brutalized by my own father for talking to another promoter. I've endured suffering beyond any trick you could try and pull. You hate me? Good, I hate you too. You prance around whining and complaining. 'Oh Crash cost me my belt! I would've won if it wasn't for that cow!' Get real, you lost because you we're more focused on punching cattle than you were on protecting your crown. I'll be honest, Daniel the Cow interrupting your match was an accident, but the fact you lost because of such a minor inconvenience proves you don't deserve that belt. You're sloppy. The fact you've ever held gold surprises me. The facts are simple, Horror. You're a little crybaby bitch playing Halloween. You got beef? Cute. This is steak. The stakes aren't just that of the Ascension championship. I'm here to prove what I already knew. I am violence. I am the Crooked Man. And Daniel, unlike you… I get the job done."
Crash grabs his barbed wire hockey stick and smashes it against Daniel's face. The cow lets out a painful and shocked mooo. Crash's face twists into a smile as he unleashes 3 heavy swings into his beloved bovine. As Daniel falls to the ground, our "hero" continues to brutalize the cow. Blood is splattered all over El Vagabundo, as he begins kicking and clawing the fallen heffer. He pants slightly as he speaks just as calm as before. His voice is gravelly.
"That's one Daniel dead. Won't be long before I exterminate the other. And I'm sure you're all shocked that I did that. But I'll tell you now, he's served no benefit to me anymore. And those four unfortunate souls are in for much worse. So. I have one last question. Will you feel the thrill of battle, or will I smell your fear?"
The screen fades to black but a metallic whisper is suddenly heard.
"Welcome the Crooked Man"