Post by DARIUS WALKER on Feb 24, 2021 22:24:55 GMT -5
| The scene starts in the DRIPMOBILE. The entire cast of Big Drip Productions and Lance Williams are in the decked out limo, heading to a local restaurant to plan strategy for their upcoming match. Petey grabs the remote to the music and presses play. Some classic tunes start playing as the four sit in the DRIPMOBILE, vibing together. LIL PETEY: This is what it’s all about here. Just us guys, vibin’ together, getting some fuckin’ food! We should’ve been doing this a while ago. TJ THOMPSON: You tell em, Petey! You’ve got those amateurs like Legacy and Euan in the gym and training or some shit. Vibin is what real men do! DRIPDOZER: Big debut for me guys! I just wanna, really, really wanna ziga zig ah! Everyone stops and looks over at Lance. TJ THOMPSON:: Huh?!? LIL PETEY: Oasis, did you get younger? DRIPDOZER: Just good genes Petey. Sauce in the back seat finally wakes up and looks around. YUNG SAUCE: Keep the noise down, a brotha tryna sleep here! Immediately after Sauce finishes speaking, Petey grabs the remote again. He looks directly at Sauce and points the remote at him. LIL PETEY: Your vibes are WAY off, bro. After pressing a button, thinking it would do anything besides play music, “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus starts to play and the entire DRIPMOBILE gets lit. TJ THOMPSON: A CLASSIC!!! AYYYYY!!! LIL PETEY: OH FUCK YES! VIBES ARE WAY UP NOW, LET’S FUCKING GO! YUNG SAUCE: Now THIS is a song I can behind, bro! TURN UP THAT BIG DRIPPING BEAAAAT!! Petey takes the remote and turns it up. It gets so loud that the DRIPMOBILE is seen vibra- shaking, from the outside. LIL PETEY: I HOPPED OFF THE PLANE AT LAX- TJ THOMPSON: WITH A DREAM AND MY CARDIGAN- YUNG SAUCE: WELCOME TO THE LAND OF FAME EXCESS- The entire squad let out a “WOAH” sound as they continued to bang their heads. DRIPDOZER: AM I GONNA FIT IN?- LIL PETEY: JUMPED IN THE CAB, HERE I AM FOR THE FIRST TIME- TJ THOMPSON: LOOK TO MY RIGHT AND I SEE THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN- YUNG SAUCE: THIS IS ALL SO CRAZY- DRIPDOZER: EVERYBODY SEEMS SO FAMOUS- LIL PETEY: MY TUMMY’S TURNIN’ AND I’M FEELIN’ KINDA HOMESICK- TJ THOMPSON: TOO MUCH PRESSURE AND I’M NERVOUS- YUNG SAUCE: THAT’S WHEN THE TAXI MAN TURNED ON THE RADIO- ALL: AND A JAY-Z SONG WAS ON, AND A JAY-Z SONG WAS ON, AND A JAY-Z SONG WAS ON- It was at that moment, that the DRIPMOBILE driver was starting to regret ever taking this job. He knew that Big Drip Productions was full of shenanigans, but he never knew it would affect his job. The DRIPMOBILE almost looked like it had hydraulics from the outside once the chorus started. Everyone in the mobile started jumping up and down in their seats, all singing in unison. ALL: SO I PUT MY HANDS UP, THEY’RE PLAYING MY SONG, THE BUTTERFLIES FLY AWAY! I’M NODDIN’ MY HEAD LIKE, YEAH! MOVIN’ MY HIPS LIKE, YEAH! I GOT MY HANDS UP, THEY’RE PLAYIN’ MY SONG, THEY KNOW I’M GONNA BE OKAY! YEAHHHHHHHHH, IT’S A PARTY IN THE USA! YEAAAAAAAHHHHH, IT’S A PARTY IN THE USA! At that point, the DRIPMOBILE was on the verge of tipping over. The amount of pure HIP in such a small space was making the limo rock back and forth, but the gang paid no attention, focused solely on the vibe. Lance Williams slams into TJ, and he goes flying into the remote. The song switches to “I Want It That Way” by the Backstreet Boys. YUNG SAUCE: AAAYYEEEE!!!! DRIPDOZER: THIS IS MY SHIT! TJ THOMPSON: BAH GAWD!!! LIL PETEY: SOMEBODY TURNED THE VIBES ALL THE WAY UP! LET’S GOOOO! TJ THOMPSON: YOU ARE...MY FIIIIIRE- LIL PETEY: THE ONEEEEE… DESSSIIREEEEE- YUNG SAUCE: BELIIIIEVE… WHEN I SAYYYYYYY- DRIPDOZER: I WANT IT THAT WAY- TJ THOMPSON: BUT WE ARE TWOOOOOOO WORLDS APART- DRIPDOZER: CAN’T REACH TO YOUR HEART- TJ THOMPSON: WHEN YOUUU SAY- DRIPDOZER: I WANT IT THAT WAY- ALL: TELL ME WHYYYYYY- The DRIPMOBILE’s driver groans. YUNG SAUCE: AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HEARTACHE- ALL: TELL ME WHYYYYY- LIL PETEY: AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A MISTAKE- ALL: TELL ME WHYYYYY- TJ THOMPSON: I NEVER WANNA HEAR YOU SAY- ALL: I WAAAAANT IT THAAAAT WAY- Unable to take it anymore, the driver opens a window and yeets himself out, leaving the oblivious Big Drip Gang without a driver in a moving vehicle. DRIPDOZER: MAN OVERBOARD! TJ THOMPSON: THAT’S NOT THE NEXT LINE!!! LIL PETEY: Oh my god, he yeeted the vibes out with him. DRIPDOZER: JOCKSTRAP JOHNNY HAS YEETED THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!! TJ THOMPSON: THAT’S NOT THE NEXT LINE EITHER!!! Lance thinks fuck this and jumps into the front of the limo as they still roll down the road. Thankfully the driver had left his cap behind as Lance picks it up and squeezes it onto his big melon. DRIPDOZER: NEW DRIVER!!! CHECK OUT MY DRIP IN THIS DAMN CAP!!! TJ THOMPSON: Damn, I didn’t know Oasis could drive! LIL PETEY: I’m still trying to figure out how Oasis got so much younger. DRIPDOZER: HEY!!! It’s Lance, come on guys. You can tell us apart, I’m the good looking, non cauliflower ear one!!! TJ THOMPSON: Lance?!? That kinda makes sense… Lance pulls the DRIPMOBILE into a familiar parking lot. TJ THOMPSON: Ayy, I know this place! LIL PETEY: Oh, shit! WE MCDRIPPIN’ RIGHT NOW?! YUNG SAUCE: Always, my brotha! We’re MCDRIPPIN’ now! Lance parks and the gang pours out of the limo. They enter the McDonaldsDrip. An employee of the restaurant spots them and looks at them with a look of panic. Employee #1: Oh god...not this guy again! YUNG SAUCE: Whatchu’ sayin’, bro? “This guy”. Smh. LIL PETEY: Hold up, did this man just disrespect one of us?! YUNG SAUCE: As you’d say, Petey… The vibes are WAY OFF, bro. DRIPDOZER: He ain’t stupid enough to disrespect one of us. I’d punch him so hard his zits will pop like a mayo volcano. LIL PETEY: Did Oasis just say a mayo volcano? Can we get that here? TJ THOMPSON: We could build one now that we have cash… Petey holds his hands out, as if to tell TJ to stop. LIL PETEY: You mean, now that we have cash, we CAN BUY ONE! … but instead of a mayo volcano, let’s get a fucking taco table, or a chocolate fountain! TJ THOMPSON: Ayy good point! But first let’s get some food at this McDrip! THAT’S RIGHT IT’S CALLED MCDRIP NOW!!! The Big Drip Gang walks up to the counter and stares at the menu. Lil Petey steps up to the disrespectful cashier first and starts to order. LIL PETEY: Yeah, uh, can I get two McDoubles, two McChickens, and Large Coke and a Oreo McFlurry? Everyone looks at him in shock of how much he just ordered. YUNG SAUCE: Yeah that brother’s STARVING! LIL PETEY: I’m bulking, bro! It’s bulking season. YUNG SAUCE: Shit, I feel you. What you getting, champ? TJ THOMPSON: I’ll get a Big Mac and all the McNuggets you got! Ya boy’s gotta get his nuggies! YUNG SAUCE: I see you, I see you. Anyway, uhhh… can I just get a Happy Meal with the toy, please? ALL: BRO?!? YUNG SAUCE: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! CHIILLLLL! Y’ALLS VIBES ARE OFF RIGHT NOW! LIL PETEY: Nah fam, you the one ordering a HAPPY MEAL! Ball out bro, we got money. DRIPDOZER: Happy meal, happy life, happy ending! YUNG SAUCE: Ight… I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda. DRIPDOZER: Right! I only wanna little meal. So I’ll have whatever they’re having with a side order of 3, yes 3 apple pies. WAIT! Add some carrot sticks to that, gotta have some healthy shit to balance that out. TJ THOMPSON: Oh shit, apple pies! I’ll take one of those too! LIL PETEY: Can we just take a second and recognize the fact that Sauce just copied GTA? Is that what you’ve been doing in your time out of the stu?! Did your mom say you can play? DRIPDOZER: YO! Sauce your momma better have given you permission or you’re grounded mister! YUNG SAUCE: …I’ll just go find ourselves a seat. Sauce slowly walks away to find a table, his head drooped down as he sniffs a little. TJ THOMPSON: Well did his mom give him permission or not?!? Don’t worry, I’ll ask her the next time I see her :weary: LIL PETEY: TJ, when did you get into moms? I thought I was the cradle robber? TJ THOMPSON: Listen. She’s a baddie! YUNG SAUCE: Could be worse, could be into- actually, nevermind. Sauce shouts from across the McDrip but immediately cuts himself off. The rest of the Big Drip Gang starts laughing. Lil Petey grabs his cup and gets his drink, then drip walks all the way to the table. Lance walks over to the tables, looking down at them and raises an eyebrow. DRIPDOZER: How the hell am I gonna get my ass in there? Lance tries his best to squeeze in. TJ gets his food and joins them to see the overflowing table of food and the stuffed booth thanks to Lance. TJ THOMPSON: Damn, Oasi-...I mean Lance, you gotta scooch over! DRIPDOZER: I need more room dammit! My nuts need room to breathe! TJ shrugs, climbs and sits on top of the booth. LIL PETEY: TJ… just pull up a chair bro? Wait, wait, wait… Lance, why don’t you pull up a chair? Getting up to his feet, Lance walks over to the chair only to see it was stuck to the floor. DRIPDOZER: Um… How am I meant to… Don’t worry! Grabbing the chair which was secured to the floor, Lance rips it away from the floor before placing it down at the table and sitting down. DRIPDOZER: That’s better! TJ THOMPSON: So let’s talk strategy boys, what’s the plan for our match? An awkward silence sets over the group as they all realize that there is no plan. LIL PETEY: Yeah, uh… So… What y’all got? TJ THOMPSON: Uh...not much. Everyone turns and stares at Sauce, hoping he has an idea. YUNG SAUCE: ...what y’all looking at? LIL PETEY: The sexy ass model behind you. Sauce quickly turns to look as Petey starts to laugh. He turns back around, unamused, and continues to eat his food. LIL PETEY: Do none of us really have a plan? TJ THOMPSON: I’m not known for my high IQ. DRIPDOZER: Turn up. Bulldoze. Celebrate. Once he had said what he had wanted to, Lance started scoffing his food down. He even noticed Sauce had a better toy in his Happy Meal than he had in his so he swaps them over without him paying attention. Petey shrugs. LIL PETEY: We could just do what we always do. DRIPDOZER: World domination? YUNG SAUCE: Nah fam, we drip. We big drip. Because do you know what we are? Or even… who we are? TJ THOMPSON: Go tell them, big man! YUNG SAUCE: WE’RE BIG DRIP PRODUCTIONS!! LIL PETEY: ALL WE DO IS DRIP, DRIP, DRIP, NO MATTER WHAT! DRIPDOZER: GOT BIG DRIP ON MY MIND, I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH! Petey and Sauce drop their food simultaneously and look over at Oas- Lance. LIL PETEY: Did you- Before he can even finish talking, Petey starts clapping. Sauce joins in a second later, then TJ, then everyone at the McDrip. They didn’t know what they were clapping for, they just joined in because that’s what people do. LIL PETEY: You keep this up, we might consider you a dripper! DRIPDOZER: The Big Dripper, best ride you’ll ever get! LIL PETEY: That’s what I tell my bitches to call me. The Big Dripper. DRIPDOZER: Dude! My arms are bigger than you. Anyway, you eating them McDoubles Petey? Lance tries to reach over and take his food, but Petey slaps his hand with a disgusted look on his face. He then takes the McDouble apart along with the McChicken and combines them together. LIL PETEY: The fuck? I gotta make my McDripBang! DRIPDOZER: Use protection. You’ll end up with Mini McDripBangs! TJ THOMPSON: I see no problem. YUNG SAUCE: MuckDripBang? Sounds like some good content for a YouTube video! LIL PETEY: I was wondering what was up with y’all. You too quiet. Anyways, hurry up and finish up, remember we gotta go podium shopping again since Sauce broke our damn last one. YUNG SAUCE: Yeah, that’s my b. Big Drip quickly finishes their food and gets back in the world famous DRIPMOBILE. Lance makes sure to get in the front of the DRIPMOBILE and tosses the stupid driving cap out of the window. Petey picks up the remote and presses a button. "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction blasts through the speakers. TJ THOMPSON: BANGER AFTER BANGER!!! LIL PETEY: BRO WHO’S PLAYLIST IS THIS?! THIS SHIT IS LITTTTT! YUNG SAUCE: THIS THAT FYAH, PLAYA! LIL PETEY: YOU’RE INSECURE, DON’T KNOW WHAT FOR! TJ THOMPSON: YOU'RE TURNING HEADS WHEN YOU WALK THROUGH THE DOOOR- YUNG SAUCE: DON’T NEED MAKE UP TO COVER UP- While driving, Lance turns around to open the window separating him from the rest. DRIPDOZER: BEING THE WAY THAT YOU ARE IS ENO-OU-OUGH- LIL PETEY: EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM CAN SEE IT, EVERYONE ELSE BUT YOUU OOOO! ALL: BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE! THE WAY THAT YOU FLIP YOUR HAIR GETS ME OVERWHELMED! BUT WHEN YOU SMILE AT THE GROUND, IT AIN’T HARD TO TELL… YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! YUNG SAUCE: IF ONLY YOU SAW WHAT I CAN SEE- TJ THOMPSON: YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHY I WANT YOU SO DESPERATELY- DRIPDOZER: RIGHT NOW I’M LOOKIN’ AT YOU, AND I CAN’T BELIEVE- LIL PETEY: YOU DON’T KNOW OH OHH, YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! ALL: OHHH OHHHH, THAT’S WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL! The DRIPMOBILE stops and parks in front of a store called, “The Podium Store”. If Big Drip wasn’t hip before, they are now. The scene fades out as the four exit the limo and enter the store for some much needed podium shopping. The scene fades back in to reveal Big Drip Productions and Lance Williams at the world famous Hip House. A new podium is set up as the group gathers around it. The large screen behind the podium read the words: STATE OF THE DRIP ADDRESS The sight of Big Drip Productions on the make-shift stage brought the camera’s attention right onto them, and standing right behind the three boys was the much larger Lance Williams in the background of the shot but also keeping himself front and center of attention. Thompson, with the Warrior Rising Championship resting on his shoulder, was the first to step up to the stage but as he looked around him and then back at Sauce. TJ THOMPSON: Bro, we really running this thing again? YUNG SAUCE: Yes, because it’s funny and very original. Now, be quiet. The show’s about to begin… AND WATCH THE PODIUM! LIL PETEY: Please, for the love of God, do not destroy this podium. Everyone looks over at Lance who is known for ‘bulldozing’ things. Lance looks back at them and just shrugs. DRIPDOZER: Anyone would think I’m known for destroying things. Let’s get this show on the go guys! The camera began to beep, the timer was counting down and then the bright red light at the top of the camera indicated that it was recording and it was time to begin. TJ THOMPSON: Aight. STATE. OF. THE. DRIP. I think the state of our drip is pretty good! The Crowning was a dub. A massive dub. Possibly the biggest dub in the history of dubs. BUT WE MOVE ON!!! There’s more dubs on the horizon and there’s nothing these Legacy hoes can do to stop us! LIL PETEY: STATE OF THE DRIP!! I’d say, looking at the drip I got on right now, we in pretty good shape. I got new shades, my fucking jacket is softer everyone in Legacy, my kicks are featured on that Kicks account on Instagram… life is good, man. Nah, but seriously, considering it was the first win of my career, I’d say it was the biggest dub in the history of dubs. To get a Contendership for those sexy ass Tag Titles with my boy Sauce, that’s goat shit right there. Like TJ said, though… WE MOVE ON! We’re just getting started and we’re not going to stop here! DRIPDOZER: STATE OF THE DRIP! Right here, right now, are Big Drip Productions and me, Lance Williams. I’d like to start by saying I can’t wait to drop Euan Hill on his head or kick it off. His drip is not only too insulting for my eyes but he is teaming up with Legacy. Legacy, Shawn and James, you have something my friends want, and something they’ll have. Lil Petey and Yung Sauce are the guys who should have them belts, and I have a lot of faith in them to make that happen. YUNG SAUCE: STATE OF THE GAHT DAYUM DRIP! I’m sure echoing off of these lot could tell you how I feel. We stay collecting dubs because that’s just what we do, gentlemen. I know that Legacy got our eyes on us and they probably look at us like we’re some sort of joke to them and I know that even after our win at The Crowning, we’re still the joke to them! But what did we do? Proved every single hater in the building wrong, proved every single hater that watched from home wrong, because they didn’t believe in some Soundcloud rappers trying to become professional wrestlers. To say the least, they’re vibes are way off the charts! LIL PETEY: Like I posted on Twitter after those rage quitters left Project: Honor… HATERZ ARE MY MOTIVATERZ! Y’all think hating on us is going to bring us down? We thrive on that shit! When it comes down to it, as long as we got each other, we’re gonna make some crazy shit happen. You may not expect it, you may not believe it, hell we may not either, but we did that at The Crowning. Now, like Sauce said, Legacy has us in their sites. I’m sure they’re gonna just laugh at the thought of going against us, or even not even worry about it because we’re not ‘threats’ to them. For now, though, we vibin’ and focusing on the match we got with our boy Lance here against the Legacy Losers and Euan Hill. TJ THOMPSON: That's right, all these haters only see us as jokes! JOKES!!! Does the Warrior Rising Champ look like a joke to you?!? Do the #1 contenders for the tag straps look like some clowns?!? Well. Maybe. BUT THEY'RE WRONG!!! We've got these Legacy clowns taking my boys lightly like they didn't just beat three other teams. You've got bumass Euan with a shot at my title when I already beat him once! Some people might say that we're the underdogs in this thing, but a true big brain knows that Big Drip is taking this dub easily! After TJ finishes his sentence, Petey pulls out the same remote that he had in the DRIPMOBILE and pushes a button on it. When he does, a TV Screen pulls out unlike Petey, and displays Shawn Warstein, James Raven, Betsy Granger, and Euan Hill on it. Everyone in Big Drip scoffs at the screen and then Petey pushes another button. The screen then switches to just Euan Hill’s picture. The entire group bursts out laughing.  YUNG SAUCE: Man, who the hell is this guy and why does he have such a wack name? Ew- Ooh- Something Hill. We’ll stick with that-- Silent Hill! That’s the name we’ll give him because honestly, every time I’ve wanted to hear something from this man, I hear nothing but SILENCE. Don’t get me wrong, brothas. He could be a mute after all, but he’s got one thing right and that’s a shot at YA BOI’S TITLE right here. TJ’s gold. Though, he didn’t really have much competition as it is, when you look at it in a perspective. You feel me? TJ THOMPSON: Hell yeah, I feel ya. This guy's got some evil religious cult following or some shit, but I don't know, man. That sounds kinda lame. You know who has the REAL BIG HIP CULT FOLLOWING?!? Us! We got a worldwide following! Chicks on our arms at every angle! People want to be us! We got millions of fans from all over the world! And this dude's got a couple cultists and thinks he's the shit?!? REALLY?!? We ain't about the cult life. But if we were, we could totally do it better than he could!!! What even is a wrestling cultist that can't even beat anyone credible?!? A loser, that's who he is. LIL PETEY: When I look at this dude, all I see is like a cereal killer or something. Wait, cereal? Serial? Anywhore, his name is Euan, but when you go to say it, the first thing that comes out is EW, because if you look at his beard and shit, that’s your first reaction. He looks like he doesn’t even do anything with that spaghetti ass looking hair either. All I know, is that our boy, THE DRIPDOZER, is gonna take this muthafucka out quicker than TJ cums. TJ THOMPSON: Well you gotta ask Sauce's mom about that last part. YUNG SAUCE: Ayo, there was no need for that deflect, bro. LIL PETEY: We hit Sauce hard earlier, I tried to come at TJ with a lil sum sum. YUNG SAUCE: You can’t hit me tho, I’m a child. TJ THOMPSON: Like your mom was hitting on your boy! :weary: YUNG SAUCE: I HATE IT HERE! LIL PETEY: OKAY FELLAS, RE-FOCUS! OAS- LANCE HASN’T HAD A CHANCE TO SAY ANYTHING YET! As the boys began to bicker to themselves, Lance stepped up to the podium and took to the microphone. DRIPDOZER: Silent Hill motherfucker. Didn’t you lose to The Dragon Lady? You know, the one who ran away with the other deserters, traitors and rage quitters? I bet you got that daddys naughty little girl fetish too haven’t you? Please make sure you at least use some deodorant or antiperspirant because it’s as clear as day that you don’t bathe unless it’s in a pile of your own shit! TJ THOMPSON: DAMN!!! LIL PETEY: SPEAK THE TRUTH, DRIPDOZER! YUNG SAUCE: SWING FOR ‘EM, BIG FELLA! TJ THOMPSON: Like your mo...never mind… YUNG SAUCE: TJ! PLEASE! TJ THOMPSON: OKAY OKAY OKAY!!! I'LL CHILL!!! Petey just starts busting out laughing because he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Things finally calm down a bit and he takes the remote to push the button again. A picture of Betsy Granger comes on the screen.  YUNG SAUCE: ...who? TJ THOMPSON: Betsy? First things first, I have no idea who that lady is. But if I did! There are millions of female names out there. Billions, maybe. But some dumbass mother decided to name their newborn baby BETSY?!? THIS BITCH PULLED UP TO THE RETIREMENT HOME STRAIGHT OUT THE WOMB WITH THAT NAME!!! Goddamn, if there was a way to be born as some old geezer, I'm sure this mystery Betsy chick would find a way. And hey, who knows? Once we find out who she actually is, we could send her to that retirement home after we're done beating that ass! Damn, BETSY?!? DRIPDOZER: How you doing Betsy? Well if the answer is good, that isn’t going to last. By the time this match is over, you better jump that non existent ass of yours in a Tardis and travel back to the time you used LMAO. Literally, you are the poster woman for someone who must have literally laughed their ass off. I really hope Christopher Eccleston isn’t your favorite Doctor because it’d make EXTERMINATING you all that much better! TJ THOMPSON: Yeah...what he said! LIL PETEY: Wait a second… Sauce. You see what I’m seeing? She looks just like the woman I came home with last night! YUNG SAUCE: Damn, breh, you right! LIL PETEY: I hope it wasn’t actually her, I was just drunk enough not to remember at this point. I just remember a fine blonde such as herself. Honestly, though, I look at her and all I see is failure. I mean, look at who she’s with. That ugly ass egghead only pulled her because of the money I’m sure. The funny thing is, this is her first match here along with Oas- Lance here so we don’t even know how good she is, or even how bad she is. You look at my record though, and she can’t be worse than me! Wait, fuck I just burned myself. YUNG SAUCE: Yeah, because she hasn’t even COMPETED yet, dummy! Anyway, I did the right thing y’all and I actually DID. MY. RESEARCH. I’ve been reading here on my phone that ol’ Betsy been doing the rounds lately. Current XHF Phoenix Champ? Cute shit, not gonna cap. Some other title shit that we can’t say due to partnering deals the company has? Sure, you bet, brotha. She’s got those. TJ THOMPSON: You know who else has a title?!? YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAS TWO?!? Me. TJ2Beltz. She might be a champ, but they call me the CHAMP of all champs! YUNG SAUCE: My DRIP brotha here is speaking factuals. Fluent in the language of facts, and to be frank, we all are. So let me ask you this, Betsy. What makes you The Impossible Traveller? What makes it so impossible for you to travel, huh? I’ve been seeing you travel everywhere around the globe, and I can assure you from my point of view, that ish don’t look impossible to me. Now, I understand why you’re here, you’re James’ play thing. But did he have to drag you in here or did you actually decide to tag along by yourself? TJ THOMPSON: This hoe's about to be traveling to the HOSPITAL!!! DRIPDOZER: I’ve worked it out. It’s impossible for Betsy to travel because she lost her OAP bus pass! YUNG SAUCE: She ain’t that old, chief. She’s like… 24 or 25. We gotta relax with that ish. TJ THOMPSON: Her name is Betsy, bro. YUNG SAUCE: Y’ALL OLDER THAN HER THO! TJ THOMPSON: When you name a child Betsy, they come out the womb at the age of 90. Trust a homie on this one. Your mum is older than her too Sauce. YUNG SAUCE: Yeah, duh. She had to be to have me, cuz. TJ THOMPSON: You right. It's been a long day. But back to the point! That ass about to be BEAT!!! LIL PETEY: All I know is if she’s tryna travel somewhere, with a body like that she can travel to me any day. Petey picks up the remote again and switches the screen to a picture of James Raven.  TJ THOMPSON: Raven...this guy's just Warsein's lackey! Take a look at the cards. Take a look at the matches. You've got Warstein cruising around, doing his thing, but where the fuck is Raven?!? All he does is hang around Shawn because he can't do shit on his own! He mooches off his friend's success because he's a loser! I'll admit that so far, it's been working for him. He does have a belt. But when he gets in the ring with the Big Drippers, good old Shawn won't be able to save his irrelevant ass! LIL PETEY: Yo, no homo, but that’s one good lookin’ dude right there. If you can’t admit it, you have a problem with ya sexuality, I swear it. I’ve seen James do his thing in the ring in my time here and I know he’s going to be a good opponent… Although, it took his partner Warstein to become Tyrant and DECREE for him to be booked in order for it to actually happen. That’s gotta tell ya how much this dude is gonna have to rely on him. DRIPDOZER: Seriously lads got to be really careful about this one. Raven’s in this business come in and save the fucking day apparantly. The dude even had the audacity to question my drip on Twitter and even go as far as stealing Jason Long’s gimmick of getting kicked out of his Twitter account. Only he is a Raven, so he either got on his knees and has a jaw ache or he just saved the day again. YUNG SAUCE: Man, when y’all was saying Raven, I thought y’all meant Matt Knox. Honestly, I don’t see what’s in this guy, brehs. I mean, he calls himself The People’s GOAT… but who’s these people, huh? Who are these people that think he’s the GOAT? To be honest with y’all, and don’t get offended, Petey… but he’s got one hell of goat face, let me tell you. I wanna ask y’all, what’s the perfect kind of theme music to have when you’re a four-time Hall of Famer? TJ THOMPSON: Miley Cyrus?!? DRIPDOZER: ABBA?!? LIL PETEY: Britney Spears? YUNG SAUCE: Nah, none of those CLASSICS at all. MAN’S ROCKING A FREAKIN’ LINKIN PARK SONG, BREHS! LINKIN PARK! DRIPDOZER: But in the end it doesn't even matter. YUNG SAUCE: That’s right, Dripdozer. So, should we take someone like this as serious? I doubt it for a second, brehs. I really doubt it, he ain’t even that good in the ring! He’s just here because Wart-stain told him to tag along, and then he dragged 1996-born ninety year old Betsy into the mix. Sauce quickly takes the remote out of Petey’s hands due to him quickly getting distracted by other things, pressing the button to reveal the final member to speak on… “The Tyrant” Shawn Warstein.  YUNG SAUCE: ...ugh. This guy. LIL PETEY: I’m always going to say it, his head is in the shape of an egg. Also, this dude immediately DECREED for James to be booked after he hadn’t been in so long. For him to become the Tyrant of Project: Honor, you’d think he’d have something better to decree than to have someone booked. It seems like he’d rather treat his stablemate to matches than anything else. Also, has anyone else noticed how pale this mans is all the time? Like, get a tan homie. YUNG SAUCE: You said that already, brotha. DRIPDOZER: Shawn Warstein, the guy who had to drug the big guy with a blue waffle looking mask on his face. The guy who already had an ego bigger than Oasis’ bank balance. Now he has become the Tyrant of Project: Honor, he has allowed that ego to consume him. What decree is he going to come up with next? One where we have to refer to him as some sort of Rap God or some other shady shit. YUNG SAUCE: Honestly, I don’t get this man’s vibes. But I will give him some respect, he been hella dominant, even making some ol boy named Jacob Steele mad slumped, and that was in his debut! He’s only here for the big things, titles and all that… but that’s like everyone else who’s a bad guy around here, ain’t it? Dripdozer’s right though, he got a big ego but honestly, as I was taught by my parents. The one’s with the big egos are the most insecure of them all. LIL PETEY: Y’all spittin’ some facts, but TJ… why you silent right now, bruh? TJ looks to the boys, and then steps up to the podium. Clearing his throat before speaking up. TJ THOMPSON: Some people might be hipping this guy up as the top talent in this place, but in reality he's literally the fifth best talent in this goddamn match!!! Sure, he won a match so now he gets to call himself a name that doesn't really matter, but that's all it is! Does he have a title?!? Uh...yeah. But being the tyrant doesn't mean shit!!! I call myself the goat and nobody's praising my goatedness like they should! We got this, boys. The guy might talk mad shit, BUT WE TALK EVEN MORE SHIT!!! Light work. Trust me. LIL PETEY: Is that all of our opponents, or are there more?! I feel like we just roasted the entire roster. YUNG SAUCE: That’s all of them, cuz. Petey grabs the remote back from Sauce and pushes a button for the final time. The picture of Legacy and Euan Hill comes back onto the screen. LIL PETEY: TIME FOR CLOSING STATEMENTS, DRIP BOYS! After scanning the screen and thinking hard about who he was with last night and if it was Betsy or not, Petey steps up to the podium and takes the spotlight. LIL PETEY: Serial killer, sexy body, handsome leech, stupid Tyrant. Those are dweebs we have to go against and I don’t know about you fellas, but I like our chances. We got THE DRIPDOZER to run through these bitches, the WARRIOR RISING CHAMPION, then the hottest Soundcloud Rapper duo you’ve ever seen! I’m looking at us and then looking at them and honestly I feel disgraced. Disgusted. I WON MY FIRST MATCH EVER AND THIS IS WHAT I GET? GIVE ME THE TITLE MATCH NOW! Oh, sorry, I started to sound like Dickie Watson for a second there. Anyways, like we said at the very beginning, we’re just getting started. Our boy Oasis is putting his money on us because he knows what we’re capable of. He sees the potential we have and I’ll be damned if imma let this group of people stop us from getting exactly what we’re coming for! TJ THOMPSON: Big Drip and the homies have been on a HOT streak, and I'm not planning on stopping that shit! Some people think we got a tough challenge ahead of us, but that's just pure cap. We got some things to prove and names to take, and I know we can get that shit done! DRIPDOZER: This is my debut in Project: Honor and I plan on starting it how I mean to go on, WINNING! No one can stand up to my pedigree. I’m the only person who has beaten Mark Hunter one on one. You know, my friend, the guy who’ll kick Dickie to the curb. Try and question me and my abilities all you like, but just like you were wrong to underestimate my boys here Sauce, TJ and Petey, you will be too if you underestimate me. Yes, I’m big and strong. No, I don’t take steroids, and I’m sure as hell not stupid. One last thing I do have to say, is to you James Raven. You called me a mongoloid, one of the most derogatory words you could think of. Try and deny it because the tweet got removed by the Twitter police, doesn’t change the fact you said what you did. You’ll soon realize how wrong you’re when I drop you on your fucking head. That is all, who is next? YUNG SAUCE: That would be ya boy. Honestly, this year’s been pretty fuckin’ lit already. We’ve stayed collecting dubs since the year began, I can’t even think of a loss we’ve had SINCE THE YEAR BEGAN! That’s how big of a dub we’re carrying on our backs. Big Drip Productions, Lance Williams, we dem boys. We’ve been dem boys. We’re not here to take ANY LOSSES WHATSOEVER! This is our year, the BIG DRIP YEAR, and if some Legacy wants to stop it? A bit of a cocky laugh comes from Sauce as he looks around him, to the boys, to Big Drip Productions and Lance. YUNG SAUCE: They’ve got to start one before they can finish one. That’s how it goes. We out of this bitch. Big Drip for life, baby. LIL PETEY: WE OUT! PEACE, BITCHES! REMEMBER THAT Petey Saucy: The Return of the Underdawgs Remastered is coming soon to Soundcloud and maybe, JUST MAYBE, more than that. STAY TUNED FOR THAT BECAUSE IT’S STRAIGHT HEAT ALONG WITH MY BOYS NEW NEW… HELP YOURSELF! YUNG SAUCE: AYYYE! LET’S GOOOOO!!! After the shockingly coherent lines by Sauce and Petey, the camera fades out to Big Drip and Lance prematurely celebrating their win. |