Killing Dreams Part 2 and 3 Jealousy and Awakening
Feb 1, 2021 6:51:22 GMT -5
CallMeRobert and gothmother like this
Post by Dreamkiller on Feb 1, 2021 6:51:22 GMT -5
2.Jealousy
The one who laughs last….
When i last left you people I had revealed the first time I knew something was wrong. The first vivid memory I had of a realization that my father was not a good man. I was 5 turning 6. I was just a child and while I had other memories before that they were happy ones. Looked through the eyes of a child who had not yet lost her innocence. Rose tinted glasses as it were. At that age you can’t fully comprehend the things in front of you. And as I continue my story I want to make one thing perfectly clear to every single one of you.
I am not looking for pity.
I am not looking to have my sins absolved because of the trials I have been through and the atrocities I was forced to endure. See I am not a product of my past. I am not a fragile little snowflake that was hurt and melted down till there was nothing left. No I am not a fucking victim. So if that is what you’re looking for, if you think this is a sob story told by someone who deep down just wants to be loved and accepted you can stop following me right now, turn your ass around and fuck right off.
As I continue this it’s to just give a glimpse of who I am. It’s too show why I am so strong and why I’m too be feared. I’m not like everyone else. Hell I explained it once before. You look at Coda. She feels very little. She is an unfeeling destroyer who is simple in her own creation who is a beautiful artist. I call the the savant of violence. Me?. I absolutely feel everything. I feel sadness, happiness, pain, sorrow, guilt. I know the difference between right and wrong.
I just don’t give a shit….
My sister grew up to hate her past, to blame every single little thing on our father. She blamed the abuse on him and blamed everything that came after. Even today as she sits happy and pregnant with her new husband Amber has said many times she’s lucky to have broken what she calls “the cycle”. Remember when I told you she walked a different forked path from me?. That is what I meant. She walked a righteous path where all her mistakes weren’t her own. She never took possession of them.
You see while Amber had the talent and ability to be a brutal badass bitch she never had the drive or lack of morality. She could break someone’s skull open but she never enjoyed it. That is where she and I differ. That is where I was perfect for Matthew Shields to take advantage of. I don’t blame anyone for my mistakes. I blame myself. I own them, I admit to them. I admit to a lack of understanding when I was younger….before I knew what he did...and I remember the day I first misunderstood and made the worst mistake…
“This is a battleground
I'm caught in the crossfire
My words are weaponry
And I'm waiting patiently
You win the battle now
But I will return the fire
Cause I'd crawl on broken glass
To be the one who laughs last”
Norwich England
18 Years Ago
“But he’s my daddy too”
Mother wasn’t home. She had gone out with Jackson and taken Tasmin with her. Amber and I were left in the house alone with him. I sat on the floor of our bedroom playing as Amber now 9 years old paced back and forth across the rug. I rolled my eyes and made noises as I played. Amber looked down at me catching my annoyance but she didn’t seem to care. I had no idea why she was so nervous. The events from that cold winter's night last year had all but faded from my memory. Part of me believed it was a bad dream and that it never really happened.
Ambers actions made me re-think it and I didn’t like that. I just wanted to forget it all. I wanted to forget our father in our room touching her, her hands gripping the sheets, our mother arguing with him, Jackson being hit, our mother being hit. Amber forcing me back into bed when I had a bad feeling that something was going on. All that stayed in my head because she wouldn’t let me forget. I just wanted her to sit down….
She paced again and looked towards the door swallowing hard as she heard his footsteps. A door closed, a few minutes later we heard the sound of the toilet flush, the tap turn on and his footsteps disappear back down the hall. I didn’t care I was in my own little world but Amber?. She seemed relieved. She finally sat down next to me indian style, crossing her legs over as she stayed with one eye on the door and the other on our game. We played happily. The clock ticking down as Amber kept looking towards it.
We laughed, we had fun and then it happened. The footsteps came towards the door. Amber turned her head, the doll in her hand shaking along as her body did. The door opened and our father stood there, his arms crossed over his chest. His deep brown eyes darting back and forth between Amber and myself. He hummed and put his finger to his lips before stepping forward, his hand reached out and came to rest on my head. He lightly stroked my hair and I smiled. Amber turned pale as her eyes darted back and forth between us. Our father whispered in my ear lightly.
He wanted to play a game, he said. One just between him and me. One where it was a secret just between us. I was excited, he never paid much attention to me. It was always Amber. Always perfect little Amber.
I stood up and followed him holding one of his fingers in my hand. But before we could get out the door Amber stepped in front. She shook her head and looked up at him. Our father smirked and tried to get passed. Amber begged and pleaded. She said I was special like she was. My heart raged, my anger caused me to shake. I didn’t understand. Why was she special and I wasn’t?. He reached out and ran a thumb over her lips before taking her with him, I tried to follow.
They went into the main bedroom and as I got to the doorway the door got slammed in my face. I look back on it now and I know what she was doing. I know that in her mind she was trying to save me. But the situation we were in. It was a ticking timebomb. She was delaying the inevitable. But what a fool I was….wanting what he was giving her….if I had only known. But jealousy is a powerful thing…..
Beware the Fallout
“Well, isn’t this interesting?”
Kayla Richards, the raven haired terror of numerous companies and Fallouts new resident antagonist, sits with her legs crossed on her kitchen table. She tilts her head with a smirk as her emerald green eyes seem to light up.
“My second match in the company and it’s a wargames match. A chance to stake my claim as the “tyrant” of Project Honor. Not just the fallout brand. But the entire company. And what an interesting time it’s been for me here. I signed my contract, had to wait to even have a match and when I did, what happened eh?. It was a dark match. A dark match against two people who aren’t fit to clean my goddamn boots. So, what did I do? Well, I did what I’m known for. I won.”
“But not only did I win, I did so in emphatic fashion. I knocked out Zack Tyler, in fact I hit him so hard he seems to be stuck on “repeat”. And Sara Cross? Well. I warned her. I warned her on social media I didn’t like her and I was going to make an example out of her. I made her tap, I made her quit, and I have taken her out of this company.”
“GONE”
“FINISHED…”
“You’re all welcome.”
“But imagine my surprise, my complete and utter shock, when I watched the rest of the show and saw Zack Tyler challenging Matt Knox. Completely ignoring the fact he lost, completely negating all I did. And that piece of trash is rewarded for it. So now, well, now you’re all up shit creek. Without a paddle, or a canoe. See, this match, two rings, Fallout in one, Proving Ground in the other. We fight till there’s two remaining then there will be only ONE.”
Kayla slowly extends a single finger in the air. A smile on her black painted lips as she tilts her head with a steely look through the veil of black hair over her face.
“But to face the winner of the Proving Ground side I have to first fight seven other Fallout stars in one night. Do I look worried?. Do I look intimidated?. Some of the names in this match think I should be, I should be intimidated being in this match. But you’re not seeing the bigger picture. I am an opportunist. In a world where so many others want to do things in a way they consider to be moral and just, I simply don’t care. I will do anything to win, anything to get ahead and that includes every single shortcut available. I won’t lie, I won’t deceive. I’m nothing if not honest in my gameplan. So in this match I will be aiming to destroy every single one of you. Because that is what I fucking do…”
“I don’t care who you are, if you’re a little red haired twit being chased by a disgusting pervert on social media, or a pathetic old man trying to act like you matter despite all evidence to the contrary. And incase you people don’t know who I was talking about, we have Kasey Winterborn and Bruce Mcloud. And when it comes to Bruce especially I can’t help but shake my head in disgusted indignation. See, one thing I cannot abide aside from stupidity is not being true to ones self. And not being honest. And Bruce Mcloud is a snake.”
“He smiles to your face, talks about respect and honor, while then going end begging to slide in the back door to try and get into the biggest match in Project Honor just because he won a match. I won my debut too Bruce, does that mean I should have gone and begged on social media for a spot in the chamber like a two dollar whore wanting money for her next fix?. Let me be plain Bruce, while you looked impressive in your debut, I don’t have any respect for you. Aside from you hiding your true nature, aside from you being a begging, lying snake. You commit one other cardinal sin in the wrestling world that I, nor your god, should forgive…”
“You are incredibly boring.”
“I say outlandish things, I insult people, I swear like a sailor. But at least when I talk people have a tendency to react and listen. You don’t have that luxury “wrestle Da”....Disgusting name by the way. But, at least Bruce can say he won his match on the first ever Fallout. Fairweather can’t say that. See Julius Fairweather and Bruce Mcloud went toe to toe in a match that sent the fans...mild. And it really broke my heart. Because with all the personality Julius showed I thought he might be something special. Spoiler…..he’s not.”
She can’t help but sneer and shake her head.
“You think acting outrageous and swearing every five seconds will make you a star? No Julius, honey, winning makes you a star. That’s what you should try. Bruce did that, by beating you, and now here you are in this giant clusterfuck. Congrats Julius. You’re almost as pathetic as the beta biker boy bitch John Nash Strader, who has me blocked on twitter because apparently nothing hurts this guy...except words on his phone. Let's hope little miss Vicky isn’t as soft as John huh?”
“But I suspect she is, based on any number of things. Least of all that I watched her lose a match to a certain red headed rando thot. Congrats, that's one old man winner and two losers I’m being forced to address but you Victoria are the worst offender out of the first three. See, Bruce and Julius confined their suckage to dark matches. Meanwhile I beat up two idiots in just over five minutes then had to watch you limp dick your way through a triple threat match. You and that cuck Long. Now, I’ll get to him but you Victoria, you and I both walked into triple threat matches right?”
“You looked pathetic…”
“I won, and injured one of my opponents taking her pathetic ass out. There’s the difference, some people talk the talk but can’t walk further than a few steps. So, here’s some advice Vicky, step your lil ass the fuck out of here…”
Kayla sneers and slowly slides down off the table. Her heavily tattooed arms folding over her chest as she takes a long deep breath trying not to snap too much.
“You know, I get what the GM here is trying to do with this whole thing. I understand what they are “going” for. With the split rosters and a whole load of other matches, titles and issues being settled and fought for they needed to take other members of the roster and put us all together to see who the real stars are going to be. Hence the “Tyrant” tag. Now, I may talk shit about people but I can admit that there are some names on Fallout who look to be legit. As much as I dislike Matt Knox, he does, so does Elena DeDraca, hence why they’re going for the Legacy title…”
“But Kallie Reznik is not one of them. See, she is one of these happy little blond bimbos that seems to have started wrestling because they either, A. thought it just looked like fun or B. because she thought it would get her a movie role or a husband. You don’t take this seriously little girl. And somehow you found yourself on Fallout, a brand where people will try to maim you with all sorts of fun toys. You don’t belong here Kallie, so go find Dez, go find the bear, and ride it off into the sunset. But, while Kallie doesn’t belong here I suppose I should admit, Kasey Winterborn MIGHT. MIGHT. Not a stamp of approval. But Kasey Winterborn has made quite the impact in Project Honor. Right through the draft. And now that Fallout has become its own distinct brand she has stamped her foot on the ground and got a win on the debut show…”
“Alright...respect for the Winterborn.
“But this still won’t help you. See, most of you are just, just terrible. Like Jason Long, terrible, should change his name back to Maverick, cause since the whole change he has done nothing but take L’s, in and out of the ring. Say Hi so Sara by the way Jason. I don’t want to waste anymore time on you because you’re simply not worth it, so I’ll just go back to talking about the woman who beat you. So, Kasey, I’m sure you think you’re going to shock the world again and you’re going to keep going and building your resume in this company, and you might Kasey, you might...but not at my expense…”
“See, this match is about stamping your authority on this company. I know all of you want to and I...I...oh, I forgot about Pyro. Much like his wife and daughter will as they go on to a better life. And, I know many of you think it might be in bad taste to attack a mans personal life. But, it’s me, and also, you want to talk about bad taste? Everything this man does is bad taste. We get it, you like fire. That’s your whole thing, awesome. It’s just too bad liking fire and looking like a crack addict who lives under a bridge doesn’t translate to success.”
“You had one win, one. And in this match where I’m being forced to face begging snakes, crappy losers and sucking morons you are probably the worst. Because you8’re so forgettable….Fallout is a wasteland of talent and I am an explosive mushroom cloud in the distance rushing towards every single one of you….”
She sneers and shakes her head, Kayla stares off into the distance as if she’s deep in thought.
3. Awakening
Daddy’s Falling Angel
When I look back at the path I’ve walked it’s easy to assume that any of the speedbumps, potholes and divots could've caused a crash. It would be even easier to assume that the things I’ve done and the instances of anger have been those bumps and holes. The people I’ve hurt, the people I’ve turned my back on. It’s all been because of that path I was forced down right?. Assumptions are rarely true. Mainly because you rarely get all the facts when making those assumptions.
But if it were true and I could pinpoint the exact moment my little feet ran into their first speed bump on my path. The first real speed bump that forces you to re-evaluate life and what it means. It would have been the first moment my innocence was taken. It all begins with the idea of first times. A first time is always important isn’t it?. Most big moments in your life you can narrow down to being a first. Your first time riding a bike, driving a car, your first kiss, the first time you try your favourite food, the first time you feel someone’s nose break under your closed fist or the first time you hyper extend an elbow and hear the ligaments snap….
Sorry, those last two were probably just applicable to people like me….
But my point still stands. First times make up for so many of our experiences. They leave lasting marks on us. So many of them turn into scars. “Every scar will build my throne” a great line from a great song. I have enough scars to build a throne room as well as the throne itself. Most people who have a bad first experience will ignore it and move on, later it might even become a funny story to tell their friends and family later on.
But to me, the first time I was hit. Slapped across the face by my father. A man who was supposed to love and care for me, and protect me. That is when the world changed. See, knowing he hit my mother, my brother, even Amber, I didn't get the big deal, I thought he was playing. But the first slap, the sting of flesh on flesh because I spoke out of turn....and he'd had a few drinks...
People who have known, friends and family, even my ex all asked me. Aren’t you angry?. Or upset?. There was a time I was angry, a time I was hurt and upset. But now I just wish I could feel that again. Because now when I look back on those experiences. Those first few times. It’s no longer a source of anger and pain. I no longer cry and feel sorry for myself. No those feelings are long since dead and buried. Hidden under six feet of dirt.
In many ways I died that night. That first experience is what led to a fork in the road, and I walked down a path that would forever change me. I started to shut down my emotions one by one until I was reborn a different person. The sweet little girl who laughed and smiled and couldn’t understand or comprehend the darkness around her was now overtaken by it and born from it. Truth is maybe I should thank my father for what he did. Thank myself for not running away like my brother or sister. In hurting me being a drunken buffoon, he made sure no one could really hurt me ever again. I mean really…
Who can hurt a monster?....
Pull these scars off my eyes
Lost from the world
A child searching for her dad
You left me there alone
Norwich England
18 years ago
“Nothing Happened….”
I was alone with him. The first time in a long time my daddy and I were in the house. Just us. It was the middle of the day, he had been in a good mood. The last few weeks had been different. He and mother seemed to get along. Jackson had been doing well in school causing our father to have a rush of pride in his only son. Amber had kept to herself as usual but she had been helping him. Dad and our mother even got along better.
But then it happened. Tasmin got sick. A bad cough and mother had to take her to a specialist in London. Amber went with her to help and Jackson was away at a football camp. It just left us alone in the house. At first I enjoyed it. Having my father to myself. Being able to tell him about my day at school. But here we were a day off. I didn’t understand why. He woke me up in the morning with a smile. Told me he wanted to give me a day at home because I had been so good. It had been like a dream…
I had always felt invisible. Whenever he would start to notice me, talk to me give me any type of fatherly love and affection Amber was there. She would swoop in and steal it all away. I grew to hate her for it. Jackson was the first born son, he had expectations and had greatness pushed on him, Amber was the first daughter craving our father’s attention and Tasmin was the baby, replacing me. I was lost. But these few days I was the special one. And that day my father told me I was his princess for the day and he had something special planned.
But then, the drinking started. The smile he had wanting to make me not worry about Tasmin was gone. His mind went to medical bills and how they were building time and time again. How he couldn't afford it. Couldn't afford to have children. The things he said. They just felt...
Wrong….
I remember wanting to say sorry, I remember wanting to tell him that he was a good daddy and we would help with money. A child wanting to say that. But I stayed silent. I wanted to be his good girl, I wanted to be the one he spent time with. Not Amber. I closed my eyes and shut it all off. I let it all slip away. Afterwards I cried alone in the bathroom after he told me to clean up. I sat on the floor, Tears streamed down my face and I felt confused and angry. How could he hit me? Why did he feel better after it?
That was the first time. The next day they all returned. I sat in mine and Amber’s bedroom staring at the wall. I didn’t even play with our toys. They felt useless to me now. The second Amber walked in she knew. She looked down at me and put her hand on my shoulder, I looked up into her face and eyes, the same look I now had. She tilted her head and whispered in my ear telling me that if I needed to talk she was there, she said she was sorry. That the bruise would heal from his backhanded slaps.
And then I felt nothing. She felt it, she was hurt and angry for me. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Amber had protected me for years, putting herself in front of the bullet each time. Making herself the one to take the abuse, like our brother had done before. So, in the final act of kindness and love I had for the only person who really did protect me….I lied…
“Nothing Happened…”
Proving Ground? That’s cute
“I’m not going to spend as much time on these plebs from Proving Ground…”
We’re back with Kayla, she sits forward on an old wooden chair, her hands clasped together as she stares forward and her nostrils flare.
“See, I only have to worry about getting in the ring with one of them. Just one. I make sure I don’t get taken out from behind by one of the others on Fallout, I beat them all and I will have to go one on one with a blue brand bitch. But, which one? Which one of them will go through seven other people for a date with lil ol me?. Will it be Alex Slayer? A guy who has four losses and one lone win? A man who when he talks seems to be rolling marbles in his mouth?.Should I expect him to power through the others and stand over from me?...”
“Cause I don’t think so, of course what can one expect from a guy with a name that sounds like it was first seen on the back of a two dollar comic book in 1982?.”
“You’ve got Emmanuelle, Kagome and Blair who haven’t even appeared on a Project Honor show or in a ring. They are what you call “unknown variables” See I don’t know anything about them or who they are. They could be just as useless as the motley crew of failure turtles I have to deal with or one of them might actually be talented”
“I highly doubt it, stranger things have happened, like Indy Darling being a champion…”
She tuts and rolls her eyes before stopping. Her eyes twitch as she seems to be in thought, Cue the math working out gif.
“Wait, Indy Darling. Haha oh you, that’s so clever. Did you think about that all by yourself while ripping off Charles Dickens or doing deadpool fourth wall breaks to try and be edgy?. You know what will be most fun if you do happen to fluke your way to the final two like you did the title you hold? I’ll enjoy kicking your head into the third row. But, atleast you are someone I have heard of and seen Indy. The other three, no I haven’t. Shit I haven’t even seen that much of Mark Hunter. The little engine that could. The guy who won a briefcase that probably has something worthwhile in it, yet tried to do Bruce’s trick and backdoor into that chamber match…”
“With two wins…”
“And an ass beating last week…”
“And a man that Matt Knoxs’ dumb ass was trying to get into that nmatch too. Is the world insane? You want less people in a match not more And if you were a Fallout talent I would have encouraged you to jump the hell out of this match, but since you’re not, I’ll point, laugh and remind Matt he’s nstupid and remind you that you’re not as good as you think you are and if you happen to be the other person across from me...I’ll prove it..”
“But, we come to the two who, to be honest are the two men who are probably the biggest threats in the match if they get through to facing me. And I say me because fuck the other seven idiots.”
She swallows hard and takes a sip of water obviously getting parched from all the talking. I’m sorry. Kayla isn’t. But I am….
“We have Ozymandias and Shawn Warstein. So, I just talked about Indy and his “clever” name and ripping things off from literature right? mLook, I’m sure I won’t be the first or the last person to bring this up Ozy, but stealing a name from the watchmen doesn’t make you cool. And I’m sure you’re going to tell us all that you’ve “heard it all before” and it’s “not original”. Well neither is your name mother fucker so that makes two of us…”
“And the sad part, you long winded fuck, is that you don't need it. You’re a six foot seven monster who looks like he eats thunder and shits lightning. You could have thought up something better. And this might come to a shock, but I’m not intimidated by you. I’ve been beaten up by bigger people than you. But, if you get through to the final two, mI know you’ll actually be a challenge….just like Shawn Warstein…”
“Shawn...that’s a dumb name…”
“But, you are an interesting one. Aside from the steroid freak who likes comic books I mentioned before, you are the only person on that side I actually consider to be a challenge and a threat. A man with a huge name in this business who got jerked off on social media. One half of the tag team champions with James Raven, another popular champion. I’m not stupid Shawn, I know you are the real threat here, and based on your track record in this company compared to everyone else on side and even everyone on this side, you should probably be doing something else.”
“Many might think the “Tyrant” prize is yours. But let me introduce myself since you’re the only one worth knowing. My name is Kayla Richards. And while I may have impressed anyone who saw my dark match I can assure you I am one of the most talented people in this company and despite my size and...sunny disposition. I’m one of the most dangerous human beings on the planet. And you, as well as everyone on the fallout side are going to learn why.”
“See, you pride yourself on integrity right? It’s something I have seen you talk about over and over. Integrity. Integrity.”
She repeats it over and over like a mantra before scoffing under her breath.
“The most dangerous thing about me, sweetheart?. I don’t have any. I already said it. I will take every open door, window and backdoor, I will take shortcut after shortcut and do it with a smile on my face and if you whine about it on twitter to get attention, I’ll just laugh and stir your salty tears into my drink….”
She blows a kiss at the camera and sighs deeply with a shake of her head.
“This match, what is it for really? I get to bury everyone on my brand, then bury the “best” on Proving Ground, and get called a Tyrant afterwards...honestly...just the first thing is enough to get my competitive juices flowing...the other two things?...that gets em gushing…”
She can’t help but laugh and turn off the camera….
The one who laughs last….
When i last left you people I had revealed the first time I knew something was wrong. The first vivid memory I had of a realization that my father was not a good man. I was 5 turning 6. I was just a child and while I had other memories before that they were happy ones. Looked through the eyes of a child who had not yet lost her innocence. Rose tinted glasses as it were. At that age you can’t fully comprehend the things in front of you. And as I continue my story I want to make one thing perfectly clear to every single one of you.
I am not looking for pity.
I am not looking to have my sins absolved because of the trials I have been through and the atrocities I was forced to endure. See I am not a product of my past. I am not a fragile little snowflake that was hurt and melted down till there was nothing left. No I am not a fucking victim. So if that is what you’re looking for, if you think this is a sob story told by someone who deep down just wants to be loved and accepted you can stop following me right now, turn your ass around and fuck right off.
As I continue this it’s to just give a glimpse of who I am. It’s too show why I am so strong and why I’m too be feared. I’m not like everyone else. Hell I explained it once before. You look at Coda. She feels very little. She is an unfeeling destroyer who is simple in her own creation who is a beautiful artist. I call the the savant of violence. Me?. I absolutely feel everything. I feel sadness, happiness, pain, sorrow, guilt. I know the difference between right and wrong.
I just don’t give a shit….
My sister grew up to hate her past, to blame every single little thing on our father. She blamed the abuse on him and blamed everything that came after. Even today as she sits happy and pregnant with her new husband Amber has said many times she’s lucky to have broken what she calls “the cycle”. Remember when I told you she walked a different forked path from me?. That is what I meant. She walked a righteous path where all her mistakes weren’t her own. She never took possession of them.
You see while Amber had the talent and ability to be a brutal badass bitch she never had the drive or lack of morality. She could break someone’s skull open but she never enjoyed it. That is where she and I differ. That is where I was perfect for Matthew Shields to take advantage of. I don’t blame anyone for my mistakes. I blame myself. I own them, I admit to them. I admit to a lack of understanding when I was younger….before I knew what he did...and I remember the day I first misunderstood and made the worst mistake…
“This is a battleground
I'm caught in the crossfire
My words are weaponry
And I'm waiting patiently
You win the battle now
But I will return the fire
Cause I'd crawl on broken glass
To be the one who laughs last”
Norwich England
18 Years Ago
“But he’s my daddy too”
Mother wasn’t home. She had gone out with Jackson and taken Tasmin with her. Amber and I were left in the house alone with him. I sat on the floor of our bedroom playing as Amber now 9 years old paced back and forth across the rug. I rolled my eyes and made noises as I played. Amber looked down at me catching my annoyance but she didn’t seem to care. I had no idea why she was so nervous. The events from that cold winter's night last year had all but faded from my memory. Part of me believed it was a bad dream and that it never really happened.
Ambers actions made me re-think it and I didn’t like that. I just wanted to forget it all. I wanted to forget our father in our room touching her, her hands gripping the sheets, our mother arguing with him, Jackson being hit, our mother being hit. Amber forcing me back into bed when I had a bad feeling that something was going on. All that stayed in my head because she wouldn’t let me forget. I just wanted her to sit down….
She paced again and looked towards the door swallowing hard as she heard his footsteps. A door closed, a few minutes later we heard the sound of the toilet flush, the tap turn on and his footsteps disappear back down the hall. I didn’t care I was in my own little world but Amber?. She seemed relieved. She finally sat down next to me indian style, crossing her legs over as she stayed with one eye on the door and the other on our game. We played happily. The clock ticking down as Amber kept looking towards it.
We laughed, we had fun and then it happened. The footsteps came towards the door. Amber turned her head, the doll in her hand shaking along as her body did. The door opened and our father stood there, his arms crossed over his chest. His deep brown eyes darting back and forth between Amber and myself. He hummed and put his finger to his lips before stepping forward, his hand reached out and came to rest on my head. He lightly stroked my hair and I smiled. Amber turned pale as her eyes darted back and forth between us. Our father whispered in my ear lightly.
He wanted to play a game, he said. One just between him and me. One where it was a secret just between us. I was excited, he never paid much attention to me. It was always Amber. Always perfect little Amber.
I stood up and followed him holding one of his fingers in my hand. But before we could get out the door Amber stepped in front. She shook her head and looked up at him. Our father smirked and tried to get passed. Amber begged and pleaded. She said I was special like she was. My heart raged, my anger caused me to shake. I didn’t understand. Why was she special and I wasn’t?. He reached out and ran a thumb over her lips before taking her with him, I tried to follow.
They went into the main bedroom and as I got to the doorway the door got slammed in my face. I look back on it now and I know what she was doing. I know that in her mind she was trying to save me. But the situation we were in. It was a ticking timebomb. She was delaying the inevitable. But what a fool I was….wanting what he was giving her….if I had only known. But jealousy is a powerful thing…..
Beware the Fallout
“Well, isn’t this interesting?”
Kayla Richards, the raven haired terror of numerous companies and Fallouts new resident antagonist, sits with her legs crossed on her kitchen table. She tilts her head with a smirk as her emerald green eyes seem to light up.
“My second match in the company and it’s a wargames match. A chance to stake my claim as the “tyrant” of Project Honor. Not just the fallout brand. But the entire company. And what an interesting time it’s been for me here. I signed my contract, had to wait to even have a match and when I did, what happened eh?. It was a dark match. A dark match against two people who aren’t fit to clean my goddamn boots. So, what did I do? Well, I did what I’m known for. I won.”
“But not only did I win, I did so in emphatic fashion. I knocked out Zack Tyler, in fact I hit him so hard he seems to be stuck on “repeat”. And Sara Cross? Well. I warned her. I warned her on social media I didn’t like her and I was going to make an example out of her. I made her tap, I made her quit, and I have taken her out of this company.”
“GONE”
“FINISHED…”
“You’re all welcome.”
“But imagine my surprise, my complete and utter shock, when I watched the rest of the show and saw Zack Tyler challenging Matt Knox. Completely ignoring the fact he lost, completely negating all I did. And that piece of trash is rewarded for it. So now, well, now you’re all up shit creek. Without a paddle, or a canoe. See, this match, two rings, Fallout in one, Proving Ground in the other. We fight till there’s two remaining then there will be only ONE.”
Kayla slowly extends a single finger in the air. A smile on her black painted lips as she tilts her head with a steely look through the veil of black hair over her face.
“But to face the winner of the Proving Ground side I have to first fight seven other Fallout stars in one night. Do I look worried?. Do I look intimidated?. Some of the names in this match think I should be, I should be intimidated being in this match. But you’re not seeing the bigger picture. I am an opportunist. In a world where so many others want to do things in a way they consider to be moral and just, I simply don’t care. I will do anything to win, anything to get ahead and that includes every single shortcut available. I won’t lie, I won’t deceive. I’m nothing if not honest in my gameplan. So in this match I will be aiming to destroy every single one of you. Because that is what I fucking do…”
“I don’t care who you are, if you’re a little red haired twit being chased by a disgusting pervert on social media, or a pathetic old man trying to act like you matter despite all evidence to the contrary. And incase you people don’t know who I was talking about, we have Kasey Winterborn and Bruce Mcloud. And when it comes to Bruce especially I can’t help but shake my head in disgusted indignation. See, one thing I cannot abide aside from stupidity is not being true to ones self. And not being honest. And Bruce Mcloud is a snake.”
“He smiles to your face, talks about respect and honor, while then going end begging to slide in the back door to try and get into the biggest match in Project Honor just because he won a match. I won my debut too Bruce, does that mean I should have gone and begged on social media for a spot in the chamber like a two dollar whore wanting money for her next fix?. Let me be plain Bruce, while you looked impressive in your debut, I don’t have any respect for you. Aside from you hiding your true nature, aside from you being a begging, lying snake. You commit one other cardinal sin in the wrestling world that I, nor your god, should forgive…”
“You are incredibly boring.”
“I say outlandish things, I insult people, I swear like a sailor. But at least when I talk people have a tendency to react and listen. You don’t have that luxury “wrestle Da”....Disgusting name by the way. But, at least Bruce can say he won his match on the first ever Fallout. Fairweather can’t say that. See Julius Fairweather and Bruce Mcloud went toe to toe in a match that sent the fans...mild. And it really broke my heart. Because with all the personality Julius showed I thought he might be something special. Spoiler…..he’s not.”
She can’t help but sneer and shake her head.
“You think acting outrageous and swearing every five seconds will make you a star? No Julius, honey, winning makes you a star. That’s what you should try. Bruce did that, by beating you, and now here you are in this giant clusterfuck. Congrats Julius. You’re almost as pathetic as the beta biker boy bitch John Nash Strader, who has me blocked on twitter because apparently nothing hurts this guy...except words on his phone. Let's hope little miss Vicky isn’t as soft as John huh?”
“But I suspect she is, based on any number of things. Least of all that I watched her lose a match to a certain red headed rando thot. Congrats, that's one old man winner and two losers I’m being forced to address but you Victoria are the worst offender out of the first three. See, Bruce and Julius confined their suckage to dark matches. Meanwhile I beat up two idiots in just over five minutes then had to watch you limp dick your way through a triple threat match. You and that cuck Long. Now, I’ll get to him but you Victoria, you and I both walked into triple threat matches right?”
“You looked pathetic…”
“I won, and injured one of my opponents taking her pathetic ass out. There’s the difference, some people talk the talk but can’t walk further than a few steps. So, here’s some advice Vicky, step your lil ass the fuck out of here…”
Kayla sneers and slowly slides down off the table. Her heavily tattooed arms folding over her chest as she takes a long deep breath trying not to snap too much.
“You know, I get what the GM here is trying to do with this whole thing. I understand what they are “going” for. With the split rosters and a whole load of other matches, titles and issues being settled and fought for they needed to take other members of the roster and put us all together to see who the real stars are going to be. Hence the “Tyrant” tag. Now, I may talk shit about people but I can admit that there are some names on Fallout who look to be legit. As much as I dislike Matt Knox, he does, so does Elena DeDraca, hence why they’re going for the Legacy title…”
“But Kallie Reznik is not one of them. See, she is one of these happy little blond bimbos that seems to have started wrestling because they either, A. thought it just looked like fun or B. because she thought it would get her a movie role or a husband. You don’t take this seriously little girl. And somehow you found yourself on Fallout, a brand where people will try to maim you with all sorts of fun toys. You don’t belong here Kallie, so go find Dez, go find the bear, and ride it off into the sunset. But, while Kallie doesn’t belong here I suppose I should admit, Kasey Winterborn MIGHT. MIGHT. Not a stamp of approval. But Kasey Winterborn has made quite the impact in Project Honor. Right through the draft. And now that Fallout has become its own distinct brand she has stamped her foot on the ground and got a win on the debut show…”
“Alright...respect for the Winterborn.
“But this still won’t help you. See, most of you are just, just terrible. Like Jason Long, terrible, should change his name back to Maverick, cause since the whole change he has done nothing but take L’s, in and out of the ring. Say Hi so Sara by the way Jason. I don’t want to waste anymore time on you because you’re simply not worth it, so I’ll just go back to talking about the woman who beat you. So, Kasey, I’m sure you think you’re going to shock the world again and you’re going to keep going and building your resume in this company, and you might Kasey, you might...but not at my expense…”
“See, this match is about stamping your authority on this company. I know all of you want to and I...I...oh, I forgot about Pyro. Much like his wife and daughter will as they go on to a better life. And, I know many of you think it might be in bad taste to attack a mans personal life. But, it’s me, and also, you want to talk about bad taste? Everything this man does is bad taste. We get it, you like fire. That’s your whole thing, awesome. It’s just too bad liking fire and looking like a crack addict who lives under a bridge doesn’t translate to success.”
“You had one win, one. And in this match where I’m being forced to face begging snakes, crappy losers and sucking morons you are probably the worst. Because you8’re so forgettable….Fallout is a wasteland of talent and I am an explosive mushroom cloud in the distance rushing towards every single one of you….”
She sneers and shakes her head, Kayla stares off into the distance as if she’s deep in thought.
3. Awakening
Daddy’s Falling Angel
When I look back at the path I’ve walked it’s easy to assume that any of the speedbumps, potholes and divots could've caused a crash. It would be even easier to assume that the things I’ve done and the instances of anger have been those bumps and holes. The people I’ve hurt, the people I’ve turned my back on. It’s all been because of that path I was forced down right?. Assumptions are rarely true. Mainly because you rarely get all the facts when making those assumptions.
But if it were true and I could pinpoint the exact moment my little feet ran into their first speed bump on my path. The first real speed bump that forces you to re-evaluate life and what it means. It would have been the first moment my innocence was taken. It all begins with the idea of first times. A first time is always important isn’t it?. Most big moments in your life you can narrow down to being a first. Your first time riding a bike, driving a car, your first kiss, the first time you try your favourite food, the first time you feel someone’s nose break under your closed fist or the first time you hyper extend an elbow and hear the ligaments snap….
Sorry, those last two were probably just applicable to people like me….
But my point still stands. First times make up for so many of our experiences. They leave lasting marks on us. So many of them turn into scars. “Every scar will build my throne” a great line from a great song. I have enough scars to build a throne room as well as the throne itself. Most people who have a bad first experience will ignore it and move on, later it might even become a funny story to tell their friends and family later on.
But to me, the first time I was hit. Slapped across the face by my father. A man who was supposed to love and care for me, and protect me. That is when the world changed. See, knowing he hit my mother, my brother, even Amber, I didn't get the big deal, I thought he was playing. But the first slap, the sting of flesh on flesh because I spoke out of turn....and he'd had a few drinks...
People who have known, friends and family, even my ex all asked me. Aren’t you angry?. Or upset?. There was a time I was angry, a time I was hurt and upset. But now I just wish I could feel that again. Because now when I look back on those experiences. Those first few times. It’s no longer a source of anger and pain. I no longer cry and feel sorry for myself. No those feelings are long since dead and buried. Hidden under six feet of dirt.
In many ways I died that night. That first experience is what led to a fork in the road, and I walked down a path that would forever change me. I started to shut down my emotions one by one until I was reborn a different person. The sweet little girl who laughed and smiled and couldn’t understand or comprehend the darkness around her was now overtaken by it and born from it. Truth is maybe I should thank my father for what he did. Thank myself for not running away like my brother or sister. In hurting me being a drunken buffoon, he made sure no one could really hurt me ever again. I mean really…
Who can hurt a monster?....
Pull these scars off my eyes
Lost from the world
A child searching for her dad
You left me there alone
Norwich England
18 years ago
“Nothing Happened….”
I was alone with him. The first time in a long time my daddy and I were in the house. Just us. It was the middle of the day, he had been in a good mood. The last few weeks had been different. He and mother seemed to get along. Jackson had been doing well in school causing our father to have a rush of pride in his only son. Amber had kept to herself as usual but she had been helping him. Dad and our mother even got along better.
But then it happened. Tasmin got sick. A bad cough and mother had to take her to a specialist in London. Amber went with her to help and Jackson was away at a football camp. It just left us alone in the house. At first I enjoyed it. Having my father to myself. Being able to tell him about my day at school. But here we were a day off. I didn’t understand why. He woke me up in the morning with a smile. Told me he wanted to give me a day at home because I had been so good. It had been like a dream…
I had always felt invisible. Whenever he would start to notice me, talk to me give me any type of fatherly love and affection Amber was there. She would swoop in and steal it all away. I grew to hate her for it. Jackson was the first born son, he had expectations and had greatness pushed on him, Amber was the first daughter craving our father’s attention and Tasmin was the baby, replacing me. I was lost. But these few days I was the special one. And that day my father told me I was his princess for the day and he had something special planned.
But then, the drinking started. The smile he had wanting to make me not worry about Tasmin was gone. His mind went to medical bills and how they were building time and time again. How he couldn't afford it. Couldn't afford to have children. The things he said. They just felt...
Wrong….
I remember wanting to say sorry, I remember wanting to tell him that he was a good daddy and we would help with money. A child wanting to say that. But I stayed silent. I wanted to be his good girl, I wanted to be the one he spent time with. Not Amber. I closed my eyes and shut it all off. I let it all slip away. Afterwards I cried alone in the bathroom after he told me to clean up. I sat on the floor, Tears streamed down my face and I felt confused and angry. How could he hit me? Why did he feel better after it?
That was the first time. The next day they all returned. I sat in mine and Amber’s bedroom staring at the wall. I didn’t even play with our toys. They felt useless to me now. The second Amber walked in she knew. She looked down at me and put her hand on my shoulder, I looked up into her face and eyes, the same look I now had. She tilted her head and whispered in my ear telling me that if I needed to talk she was there, she said she was sorry. That the bruise would heal from his backhanded slaps.
And then I felt nothing. She felt it, she was hurt and angry for me. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Amber had protected me for years, putting herself in front of the bullet each time. Making herself the one to take the abuse, like our brother had done before. So, in the final act of kindness and love I had for the only person who really did protect me….I lied…
“Nothing Happened…”
Proving Ground? That’s cute
“I’m not going to spend as much time on these plebs from Proving Ground…”
We’re back with Kayla, she sits forward on an old wooden chair, her hands clasped together as she stares forward and her nostrils flare.
“See, I only have to worry about getting in the ring with one of them. Just one. I make sure I don’t get taken out from behind by one of the others on Fallout, I beat them all and I will have to go one on one with a blue brand bitch. But, which one? Which one of them will go through seven other people for a date with lil ol me?. Will it be Alex Slayer? A guy who has four losses and one lone win? A man who when he talks seems to be rolling marbles in his mouth?.Should I expect him to power through the others and stand over from me?...”
“Cause I don’t think so, of course what can one expect from a guy with a name that sounds like it was first seen on the back of a two dollar comic book in 1982?.”
“You’ve got Emmanuelle, Kagome and Blair who haven’t even appeared on a Project Honor show or in a ring. They are what you call “unknown variables” See I don’t know anything about them or who they are. They could be just as useless as the motley crew of failure turtles I have to deal with or one of them might actually be talented”
“I highly doubt it, stranger things have happened, like Indy Darling being a champion…”
She tuts and rolls her eyes before stopping. Her eyes twitch as she seems to be in thought, Cue the math working out gif.
“Wait, Indy Darling. Haha oh you, that’s so clever. Did you think about that all by yourself while ripping off Charles Dickens or doing deadpool fourth wall breaks to try and be edgy?. You know what will be most fun if you do happen to fluke your way to the final two like you did the title you hold? I’ll enjoy kicking your head into the third row. But, atleast you are someone I have heard of and seen Indy. The other three, no I haven’t. Shit I haven’t even seen that much of Mark Hunter. The little engine that could. The guy who won a briefcase that probably has something worthwhile in it, yet tried to do Bruce’s trick and backdoor into that chamber match…”
“With two wins…”
“And an ass beating last week…”
“And a man that Matt Knoxs’ dumb ass was trying to get into that nmatch too. Is the world insane? You want less people in a match not more And if you were a Fallout talent I would have encouraged you to jump the hell out of this match, but since you’re not, I’ll point, laugh and remind Matt he’s nstupid and remind you that you’re not as good as you think you are and if you happen to be the other person across from me...I’ll prove it..”
“But, we come to the two who, to be honest are the two men who are probably the biggest threats in the match if they get through to facing me. And I say me because fuck the other seven idiots.”
She swallows hard and takes a sip of water obviously getting parched from all the talking. I’m sorry. Kayla isn’t. But I am….
“We have Ozymandias and Shawn Warstein. So, I just talked about Indy and his “clever” name and ripping things off from literature right? mLook, I’m sure I won’t be the first or the last person to bring this up Ozy, but stealing a name from the watchmen doesn’t make you cool. And I’m sure you’re going to tell us all that you’ve “heard it all before” and it’s “not original”. Well neither is your name mother fucker so that makes two of us…”
“And the sad part, you long winded fuck, is that you don't need it. You’re a six foot seven monster who looks like he eats thunder and shits lightning. You could have thought up something better. And this might come to a shock, but I’m not intimidated by you. I’ve been beaten up by bigger people than you. But, if you get through to the final two, mI know you’ll actually be a challenge….just like Shawn Warstein…”
“Shawn...that’s a dumb name…”
“But, you are an interesting one. Aside from the steroid freak who likes comic books I mentioned before, you are the only person on that side I actually consider to be a challenge and a threat. A man with a huge name in this business who got jerked off on social media. One half of the tag team champions with James Raven, another popular champion. I’m not stupid Shawn, I know you are the real threat here, and based on your track record in this company compared to everyone else on side and even everyone on this side, you should probably be doing something else.”
“Many might think the “Tyrant” prize is yours. But let me introduce myself since you’re the only one worth knowing. My name is Kayla Richards. And while I may have impressed anyone who saw my dark match I can assure you I am one of the most talented people in this company and despite my size and...sunny disposition. I’m one of the most dangerous human beings on the planet. And you, as well as everyone on the fallout side are going to learn why.”
“See, you pride yourself on integrity right? It’s something I have seen you talk about over and over. Integrity. Integrity.”
She repeats it over and over like a mantra before scoffing under her breath.
“The most dangerous thing about me, sweetheart?. I don’t have any. I already said it. I will take every open door, window and backdoor, I will take shortcut after shortcut and do it with a smile on my face and if you whine about it on twitter to get attention, I’ll just laugh and stir your salty tears into my drink….”
She blows a kiss at the camera and sighs deeply with a shake of her head.
“This match, what is it for really? I get to bury everyone on my brand, then bury the “best” on Proving Ground, and get called a Tyrant afterwards...honestly...just the first thing is enough to get my competitive juices flowing...the other two things?...that gets em gushing…”
She can’t help but laugh and turn off the camera….
