Post by ttthet on Jan 27, 2021 22:13:43 GMT -5
Our scene starts right after TJ Thompson's match at the draft show. He gets to his feet, shrugs and brushes himself off after eating the pin.
TJ: Oh well...that could've gone better! It's fine! Everything's fine! My soul may be crushed, but that's...uh...nothing compared to whatever Sauce and Petey must be feeling, right?
The scene switches to a clip of Sauce and Petey having an intense discussion about cheese balls while Gerald the giraffe looks on. The scene switches back.
TJ: Right! AGH, FUCK!
TJ is assaulted by a masked attacker as seen on TV.
TJ: WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE LIKE THIS?!? PAIN!!! SAUCE! PETEY! WHY DON'T YOU STORM THE RING LIKE YOU STORMED THE PH HEAD OFFICE ON DRAFT DAY?!?
TJ continues to get stomped out and nobody comes to help.
TJ: DAMN...I'M HURT, HERE!!! NOT MY BODY, BUT MY EMOTIONS!!! DOES ANYONE GIVE A SHIT!?! AGH, NOT THE DICK! MY MOST ATTRACTIVE FEATURE, NOOOO!
The scene switches back to the rest of Big Drip Productions backstage.
Sauce: The Sauce is telling you, a hot dog is not a sandwich! It's simple science! How dumb can you be?
Petey: But...a sandwich is some kind of filling in between some bread! Have you ever seen a hot dog?
Sauce: But a hot dog bun is only one piece of bread! A sandwich has two pieces of bread! You just slide the dog in there like I slid in your girl!
Petey: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!
Sauce: A HOT DOG AIN'T A FUCKING SANDWICH, GODDAMNIT!!!
The scene switches back to TJ getting his ass handed to him.
TJ: WAS IT THE WHOLE HOT DOG DEBATE?!? I'M SORRY I SAID IT WAS IN THE SAME FOOD GROUP AS LASAGNA!!! I TAKE THAT SHIT BACK!!! Y'ALL ARE JUST LEAVING ME HERE BECAUSE OF MY OPINION ON THE HOT DOG DEBATE?!? I SAID NOT THE DICK!!!
The scene switches back to the backstage debate.
Sauce: Fine, but the Sauce wants your opinion on if milk and cereal is a soup. It's obviously a soup!
Petey: What the fuck did you just say to me...does milk look like a fucking broth to you?!? DOES CEREAL LOOK LIKE IT BELONGS IN SOUP?!?
Sauce: But milk is just cow titty broth! Aight...I know that sounds kinda fucked up. But it makes sense if you think about it! You know how cold soup is a thing? Cereal is just a cold soup that you eat every morning! Think outside the box!
Petey: WHAT TYPE OF CURSED SHIT DO YOU THINK ABOUT AT NIGHT?!? WHERE DOES THIS SHIT COME FROM?!?
The scene switches back to ringside where TJ gets spiked with a brainbuster and someone finally notices that he's getting beat up.
TJ: Hah, I'm fine! There isn't much there to bust, if you know what I mean. And I mean that...all my genius is stored in my waist where I also conveniently keep my belt!
Dickie Watson makes the save as TJ recovers for the second time that night.
TJ: Hey, I'm alive! Damn, my boys left me to die! Y'all really left Dickie to save me! Whatever. Thanks, Dickie! I owe you one. Maybe. Hey, you wanna join Big Drip? We could use a bodyguard or something!
Dickie ignores him and leaves TJ alone in the ring.
TJ: Fine, I see how it is! I'll just...leave now, I guess. Bye!
TJ leaves the ring, seemingly not traumatized from the attack as the scene fades to black.
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The scene opens back up to TJ Thompson and the rest of Big Drip in the tour bus they bought with Sauce's album sales, driving to his childhood home in St Louis. Gerald rides in the back.
TJ: Shit, am I going the right way? It's been so long since I've been back home! The last time I was there, I was just some guy who wanted to be a wrestler despite not knowing how to wrestle at all. And now I'm that guy with a fancy new belt! What a change! I wonder if people will remember me from all my achievements!
Sauce: ...How is the Sauce supposed to know where we're going? The only thing I know is that you're paying for all the gas for this thing!
TJ: Whatever. I can afford it after this defense! But that'll come later! Right now, we're going back to where it all started!
Petey: How did it start?
TJ: Finally someone asked! I've been waiting all day to talk about this shit. You know, you guys should be honored! Most people have to pay big money to hear the origin story of the goat. They have to buy my biography and shit. But you're getting it for free!
Sauce: Huh...the Sauce didn't know there was that much to write about.
TJ: It all started after I watched some wrestling match on TV. It probably included Daniel Horror or something. I saw it and said...damn, that doesn't look that hard! I could probably make money. And get mad clout! That was a dark clout-less portion of my life.
Petey: I can't relate to having no clout!
TJ: So I told my friends and family about being a wrestler, and they were like...you have as much muscle mass as a newborn baby! And...you couldn't wrestle a teddy bear to a draw! Mean. But I know they were just trying to stop me from getting beat up every day. Which they still failed at doing. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!! I proved them wrong...eventually...and look at me now! They call me TJ Two Belts for a reason! And when I mean they, I mean...just you.
Sauce: Yeah, prove the haters wrong! Nobody wanted me to be a rapper, but look at me now! I dropped an album! And more than five people bought it!
TJ: Damn, six buyers gave you enough money to buy this bus? What kind of bus did you get?
Sauce: Well...it's mostly duct tape. But it's fine! We're all fine! It can support three homies and a giraffe, right? We probably won't die. Good enough for me!
TJ and Petey look at each other nervously while Sauce looks calm.
TJ: Uh...okay, then. Anyways! Long story short, we're going back to where it all began so I can flex on all those haters from my early days! They're probably working at mcdonalds or something while I'm this world famous wrestler! I even have a pet giraffe!
Petey: Hell yeah, I love flexing my money! If only I had more to flex.
Sauce: GERALD IS AN EQUAL MEMBER OF THE GROUP!!! He spits bars, remember? Don't be speciesist!
TJ: Right, right. Not a pet. Totally not a pet. Hey, we're actually here! I told you guys I knew how to drive!
The bus pulls up to a St Louis suburb, the colourful tour bus looking very out of place in the stereotypical neighborhood.
TJ: Damn...literally nothing has changed! I thought they would've gotten rid of that statue of a mongoose by now. Replace it with a giraffe or something. Maybe a statue of me. Well...let's go to my parent's house!
Sauce: Are they hip as fuck like us?
TJ: Uh...probably not, but they'll catch on fast! Maybe!
The bus arrives and parks in the driveway of an average townhouse. Big Drip gets out and TJ knocks on the door. It's answered by presumably his mom.
Mama Thompson: TJ...is that you? You're home finally! My son's back home! It's been years!
TJ: Hey Mom! Are...you sure it's been years? Wait...damn, I was gone for so long! So...can me and the boys come in?
Mama Thompson: Yes, come in, come in! But...is that a giraffe? Where'd you get a giraffe? The last time I saw you, you had trouble rolling out of bed!
TJ: Uh...he can just wait outside. You don't care about the low hanging leaves on that tree, right? Right. Go ahead Gerald! Have lunch! Or...whatever giraffes do with their lives. I don't know.
Mama Thompson: And by the way...who are these sketchy guys you're hanging out with nowadays?
Sauce and Petey look offended.
TJ: Come on, Mom! Don't be rude to my friends! We're a tag team!
Mama Thompson: Oh. Well are you any good?
TJ: Well...we haven't exactly won a match yet...but that'll change soon! I hope! Well now we have a giraffe to tag in! If we can't win with a giraffe, then the match is rigged.
Mama Thompson shrugs and Big Drip follows her as they head inside. TJ takes a look around his childhood home and reunites with his shocked family, many members thought he was dead because of his incompetence.
Sauce: Damn, y’all slandering your own flesh and blood like that! TJ is the smartest person the Sauce knows! Okay. That might be a bit of a stretch...but he’s not as dumb as you think he is! Just a little dumb.
Papa Thompson: Trust me on this, sonny. I’ve lived with that boy for eighteen damn years! I raised him since he was just a little boy! I watched him get into that hip stuff like a crackhead discovers a new type of crack!
TJ: Whoa, don’t compare hip to crack! They’re two completely different things, you know?!? Trust me. I would know. But enough about my possibly gigantic IQ, haven’t you guys heard about all my amazing achievements yet? I’m basically a celebrity!
Mama Thompson: You...tied your shoes? Damn, people get famous for the weirdest things, nowadays!
TJ: ...No, Mom. I’m a wrestler, remember? An actual good one! Damn, you people are uncultured if you haven’t heard of my fame by now!
Petey: Not even Big Drip Productions? I thought everyone knew about us! We're the best rappers on the planet! Streamed in every continent in the world! Sure, most of those were us...but still!
Papa Thompson: I've never heard of you people. Hey son, where'd you get that belt? Looks expensive.
TJ: I won it! It's a championship, Dad! There was a whole match with other people that actually lost to me! I know. It's hard to believe. Sure, two of them got jumped beforehand...but some people took an L to me!
The Thompson family would express their disbelief at their son and his friends actually becoming successful, but they were eventually convinced and TJ left a surprisingly wholesome interaction to find more people from his hometown to flex on. They pile back in the tour bus and cruise around, stopping when TJ sees someone he knows.
TJ: Hey! I used to know that chick! Her name was...Sarah or something! She was my high school lab partner...or something like that. I was never a huge science guy.
They pile out of the bus to a confused Sarah.
Sarah: Who are you? I got pepper spray! Oh wait...you look kinda familiar! Do you work at the burger king or something? AND IS THAT A GIRAFFE?!?
Sauce: His name is Gerald! Rude.
TJ: It's me, Sarah! We went to high school together!
Sarah: It's Sharon. And...did we? Oh, now I remember you. I used to call you TJ what's his name or something. So...what's up?
TJ: Well I'm glad you asked! I'm sure you remember me as some loser guy who was a shitty lab partner! But look at me now! You see this belt? I won this thing all on my own! You see this tour bus? Me and the boys bought it with our album sales!
Sharon: Good for you? Why are you telling me this again?
TJ: I just feel the need to flex on the people from my early years to prove them wrong! Also...it's fun.
Sharon: But I barely know who you are...and who are you people? You all look kinda sketchy…
Petey: We're just his moral support! And physical support. You know, if some jealous hater tries to attack him in the street or something.
TJ: Yeah, I know a lot of people are jealous of me! Anyways, aren't you impressed!
Sharon: Not...really? So...I should be going now. I still don't really know why I stopped walking in the first place. So have fun with your wrestling thing! Try not to get robbed for your belt!
Sharon awkwardly walks away and leaves Big Drip alone.
TJ: Hey! I think that went pretty well! Wait a second...where'd Gerald go? I swear he was right there!
TJ turns around to see Gerald standing across a long street, eating someone's bush.
TJ: GERALD NO!!!
Gerald moves down the street as Big Drip chases after him to limit the property damage. The scene fades to black.
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Well. I certainly have a lot of shit to talk about, don't I? You know, I'm not that mad about losing at the draft show. It's fine. It's whatever. It's not like I took an L to a bunch of bums, I lost to the champions of PH! Respect to Indy and Dickie for their performance in that match. But you know what I'm kinda cheesed about? I think we all know that I was getting the shit beat out of me. That happens sometimes. BUT MY BOYS JUST LEFT ME LYING THERE!!! Shame! They were having some heated debate about hog dogs and cereal or something, and somehow didn't notice me getting the shit kicked out of me! Come on, guys! It's not like I'm getting quietly beat up, here! How do you not hear me! Y'ALL PRIORITIZING HOT DOGS OVER THE CHAMP!!! Dickie had to save me! I'm sure it made him feel good. He also got an offer to be our bodyguard...which I'm not sure if it was accepted or not. Let's assume that it was accepted. I'll see you next week, Dickie! But really, how does a guy get beat up for so long without anyone noticing!?! Shame. But that masked guy picked the right target! He chose to go after the biggest target in this company! To flex his dominance or whatever. Big Drip will get this piece of shit back! Maybe once we settle the hot dog debate once and for all. But after we do that...masked guy is a dead man walking! FEAR FOR YOUR LIFE, MASKED GUY!!!
But enough worrying about that. Your boy got drafted! Sure, they didn't call it a real draft choice...but shut up. It's a real draft pick in my heart. That's all that should matter! Which means that your boy was the third pick! WOOOOOOO!!!! Only two people were drafted before me, which happened to be my fellow champs! THEY CALL ME THIRD PICK TJ FOR A REASON!!! And the reason is...that I was the third pick. It's kinda obvious. I think we all know that I was a premium draft selection. Only an idiot wouldn't draft the goat that early! But you know what I don't like about the draft?!? The fact that the homies were picked so late! Goddamn! The disrespect to the best faction in PH history! You really had Sauce and Petey going in the 30s?!? THE GODDAMN 30S?!? You had the bums that I beat at UR going ahead of them! What the fuck?!? Are you people blind or something?!? How could the GMs take that long to draft the top talents of both the wrestling world and the rap game! Sure, none of them has actually won anything...but that doesn't matter! Records are a construct. Just look at them, and you'll see why they should've been picked earlier! Well at least we're all on Proving Ground. Possibly plural. If we got separated...let's just say that a certain giraffe would be getting sicced on some poor soul! But I guess draft spot doesn't matter that much. Just be prepared, Big Drip will be taking over the blue brand in 2021!
Which brings me to my first title defense of the year! To be honest, this thing came kinda early. I was planning on a few more weeks with this amazing waist accessory! Damn, they didn't even put your boy in the main event! Damn, I see how it is! No respect for the goat! But it's fine. It's not like I'm facing anyone that important, right? It's just Alex Slayer. I'd be more scared of half a Daniel Horror, to be honest. He improved! Possibly. I think I know what PH is trying to do with me. It's nothing against me, but they noticed that a lot of their roster doesn't have that much wrestling talent! They need someone to whip them into shape and bring out their full potential! And what better way of bringing out someone's potential than to give them a title shot out of nowhere?!? Sure, it's a questionable method...well yeah, it's a questionable method. But who knows if it'll work for them! Besides, it's not like I have a chance of actually losing the thing! I'm the goat! I don't lose! Except when I lose. But putting this thing on the line just pads my stats and makes other people look good! I got nothing to lose.
But remember when I said that title matches bring out the best in people? That might not be the case with my latest challenger. Sounds kinda mean, but I only speak facts! Alex Slayer had a shot at the title I'm holding too! Alex, I hate to do this to you, man. You don't deserve the ass beating I'm about to hand out! You're just in the wrong place at the wrong time...again. Sucks to suck. But I don't know, man. I'm trying to be nice to people here, and all I get back is slander and insults! The audacity of these hoes! I'm trying to apologise in advance, but I know that all I'll get back is some fifth grade shit talk. Alex, what makes you think you actually have a claim to the belt around my waist? You haven't done anything relevant in your time here. You already had a shot at my belt before, and you didn't even come close to winning it! I destroyed you hoes with ease, and I barely broke a sweat! What makes you think that this time will be any different? You talked your shit, like you ever had a chance at anything, and look how it ended! With your boy as the champ, while you sulked backstage! I know you vowed that you'd somehow get another chance at the strap and win, that time. You got halfway there! For some reason, you got another shot despite being nothing but a sad little disappointment in this place. Why? Well I guess PH wanted to bring out your full potential with a title shot. But you already had one! And you were still pretty shitty. I can't see why this will bring out anything different.
But still, I know you'll find some way to make yourself believe that you're worthy! Why you'll somehow defy these horribly low odds and claim your destiny as the Warrior Rising champ on the second try! Because everything goes as planned on the second try, right? You probably think that you deserve it because that first loss was a fluke and that PH sees that. They gave you another shot because they want to see you as the champ! But I don't know, man. I said that shit about you being forced to pull out your full potential, but I doubt there's much in the tank! Maybe they just have a fetish for putting a mark on the losing side of your record. Maybe it makes them happy to send someone to their doom! Because anyone with half a brain can see how Alex Slayer had no chance the first time, so he'd be double screwed the second time! It's kinda sad how they're manipulating you like a human puppet. They're trying to put hope in your heart! False hope that'll do nothing but make you sad when the match is over. It's kinda sad to think about how you're so focused on this match only to find out that you have no chance as soon as you step in the ring. You're living a lie! It all started when you called yourself the perfect combo of whatever you're on nowadays. Because I got hip! I got drip! Who stands a chance against that?!? Nobody does. Except when they do. But you certainly don't, Alex.
Because this strap represents the homies on the rise! And that's all I've been doing since I pulled up to this place! Me and Big Drip have done nothing but take names since we arrived here! Me and the boys have been on the rise since day one! It's called the Warrior Rising championship for a reason. It's for warriors who happen to be on the rise, and me and all the champs except for Sarah have represented that we'll! But you? You're nowhere near on the rise! You've just been...on the bottom. With no hope of ever clawing out. We all start on the bottom. But most of us find a way to move up! Slowly, quickly, whatever, but most people in this place are on the rise. But you? For you, moving up is like climbing some snowy mountain. Sometimes you get a little traction, but you slip and crack your head on the ground five seconds later! I think we all know that you don't deserve this, and you've been given a little unfair boost up that mountain of success. I'm that icy area that sends you crashing down again!
Because part of being a warrior rising is knowing when to knock off the hoes that don't deserve it. I hate to do it to you Alex, but it is what it is! Big Drip! Big Hip!