THE F'N EDGE: EPISODE 12

JAMES EDGEBROOK: Hello everyone, and welcome to another edition of The F’n Edge! After a brief hiatus, we’re back with and ready to highlight the best and worst of Project: Honor along with a look into the future…

Suddenly, an irate Julius Fairweather speaks up from across the semi-circular desk.

JULIUS FAIRWEATHER: No way, motherfucker! There ain’t no motherfucking future without the one and only bad motherfucker himself!

JAMES EDGEBROOK: Uh…Julius, I know you’re upset about having your career on the line during Opportunity Knocks but…

JULIUS FAIRWEATHER: I’ve been stabbed in the motherfucking back by my so-called friend, Indy Darling! I have to beat 19 other motherfuckers in order to keep my ass employed! Now maybe I could throw motherfuckers over that top rope all day long, but I can still see the writing on the wall! It’s a goddamn conspiracy to erase my beautiful, bald ass from existence!

JAMES EDGEBROOK: Don’t you think you’re overreacting just a little…

JULIUS FAIRWEATHER: No way, no how, motherfucker! Without Julius Fairweather, there sure as hell ain’t gonna be no Elite Ten or no motherfucking Medals of Honor! No sir! And you can take your well-made predictions from Hell on Earth and shove them up your well-laid ass…

JAMES EDGEBROOK: Guys! We need a commercial!





BILLY BENNETT: What the hell?! Who took that picture?!

JOHNNY LEVY: Whew. Better clear up my schedule so I can tune in.

BILLY BENNETT: I swear to...

JOHNNY LEVY: Anyway, welcome, everybody! Due to recent changes in management, this week’s predictions for Hell on Earth III are being done by myself - the Greatest American To Have Ever Lived - and Billy Bennett, the... uh... well, she’s alright, too.

BILLY BENNETT: Y’know, when I agreed to this I figured we’d be doin’ it with Julius. That bastard ain’t been returnin’ my calls... c’mon Jules, I just wanna talk, bro... no hard feelings ‘bout the whole ‘True Society’ thing, I promise!

JOHNNY LEVY: Let’s stay on course here. The quicker we finish this, the quicker we can get back to this pile of blow.

BILLY BENNETT: Yes. So true.

JOHNNY LEVY: First up, we have the second Opportunity Knocks Rumble. Why are they doing this again, you may ask? That shitheel Indy Darling doesn’t have the book anymore, so I’m forced to lay the blame on Mark Hunter. Hey Mark, next time you’re at the library researching historical tidbits for a self-congratulatory speech, maybe pick up a book on ‘having an original goddamn idea for once in your life’.

BILLY BENNETT: Keep Mark’s name outta your fuckin’ mouth, Levy. I know ya got issues with authority figures, but he’s alright.

JOHNNY LEVY: Fine. Looking over all these competitors, two names stand out to me. James Raymond and Brandon Hendrix. The former is an amazing wrestler, but sadly lacks any form of charisma or dimes-drawing ability, so I have no choice but to bet on Ace Heel of Proving Grounds, Brandon Hendrix. I don’t know how that man convinced so many fans he’s a babyface, but I wish I knew his secret.

BILLY BENNETT: Interestin’. I can say first-hand that Hendrix is capable of steppin’ up his game when he sees somethin’ he wants. I don’t doubt he’s gonna bring his best to that ring, but with Mr. Wright in the mix, I don’t see any of these other names securin’ the bag. The power of friendship can’t be underestimated, y’know? Mr. Wright takes this one, easy.


BILLY BENNETT: THIS IS HOWIE DEWITT! Heh... get it?

JOHNNY LEVY: *sigh*

BILLY BENNETT: So uh... this is ridiculous, right? Like, it’s not just me who finds this whole DaVenger/KaVenger feud silly? None of these people seem to know what they’re doin’ in the ring…

JOHNNY LEVY: You watch your goddamn mouth, Billy. I’ll have you know that I’m a student of the business, and I haven’t seen a talent on-par with Rich Mahogany in years... decades even. The DaVengers take home the dub.

BILLY BENNETT: I don’t really have a dog in this fight, but the KaVengers were brought together by one of the nicest, kindest, big-hearted fellas I ever met. Ratman’s crew is walkin’ outta this with their heads held high.


JOHNNY LEVY: Moving on to the first singles match of the PPV, with newcomer Chelsea ‘Chocolate Milk’ Thorn taking on the Thot Queen of Twitter, Sava-

BILLY BENNETT: Naw.

JOHNNY LEVY: Uhhh... Savann-

BILLY BENNETT: Don’t even say that bitch’s name, Johnny. Don’t fuckin’ test me.

JOHNNY LEVY: Okay, let’s move on, then. Billy and I both pick Chelsea ‘MOMMY’ Thorn to win.


BILLY BENNETT: Well, this has been a long time comin’, ain’t it?

JOHNNY LEVY: Bet. I’ve wanted this match since I first got to Proving Grounds and was victimized by Indy Darling’s racist, incoherent, cracked-out booking.

BILLY BENNETT: Somethin’ wrong with smokin’ crack?!

JOHNNY LEVY: Metaphorically speaking, of course.

BILLY BENNETT: Good. Let’s keep it that way. Metaphorical, I mean.

JOHNNY LEVY: Anyway, I’m ‘finna’ bury this fool, as the kids on Twitter say. Levy wins, el em ay oh.

BILLY BENNETT: ...

JOHNNY LEVY: What? Don’t look at me like that! I may be in my 30’s, but I’m still hip!

BILLY BENNETT: Holy shit, just stop, please.

JOHNNY LEVY: FINE.

BILLY BENNETT: It’s sorta a shame you never learned how to actually wrestle though, huh? Might’ve helped ya out here.

JOHNNY LEVY: Neither did you, bitch.

BILLY BENNETT: ...Okay listen up, motherf-

JOHNNY LEVY: Language.

BILLY BENNETT: ...Darlin’ wins. Can’t wait to see that smug prick bury your dumb, washed-up ass.


JOHNNY LEVY: Ah yes, a tag team match. How interest-zzzzzzzzz...

BILLY BENNETT: Very funny, Levy. Can we play this one straight? Plus, you just did like a two grams of coke, no way you’re actually falling asleep. Gotta pick your spots for that gag.

JOHNNY LEVY: You’re not wrong! Personally, I side with the homegrown talent here. Caddy and TJ are taking those belts off those two goons, or my name isn’t Johnny Sampson Levy Carmichael.

BILLY BENNETT: ...oooookay. Well, as much as I wanna stay true to my Project: Honor roots, Liz and Mikey are both talented, dominant singles competitors in other companies. Put ‘em together, and I just don’t see the Big Dips havin’ a chance. Run-BFG wins.

JOHNNY LEVY: Hmmm, intere-

BILLY BENNETT: WHOSE HOUSE? RUN’S HOUSE!.



JOHNNY LEVY: GI-O! GI-O! GI-O! GI-O!

BILLY BENNETT: ...Yeah, I expected as much. As I was sayin’, Giovanni does well on the blue brand, but I just don’t think that man is ready for the kinda heat us Fallout veterans are gonna be bringin’ to Convergence. Throwin’ him in the ring with Hyde is like feedin’ a li’l puppy to an alligator. Trust me, I’ve done it, and it never ends up well for the puppy. Hyde is gonna tear that idiot apart.

JOHNNY LEVY: Seek therapy.

BILLY BENNETT: Naw, I’m good.

JOHNNY LEVY: ...hate it here.



JOHNNY LEVY: In what might end up being match of the night in terms of raw talent, we have MYOJIN and Alyssa Grace in a match to unify their belts. Now, I know she’s been inconsistent of late, but Alyssa is one of the most passionate, determined people in the sport today. If she decides to take this match as seriously as she should, I’m sure she’ll find a way to unseat the long-time X-Factor Champion.

BILLY BENNETT: You’re kiddin’ me, right? Naw, naw, naw. That red-headed puppy does fine in a women’s division, but ya put her up against the likes of Myo - the best fuckin’ athlete in the company, pound for pound - then she ain’t got a chance in hell. MYOJIN dominates the match and carries the X-Factor Championship into a new era of Project: Honor. They’re the face of the company for a reason, Johnny, and they’re gonna show everyone why at Hell on Earth.



BILLY BENNETT: A bit of a surprise seein’ Jason force his way into this match, but he’s been more his old self lately. An unexpected win over Havoc proved that. And Tate is the most promising’ newcomer since... well... me.

JOHNNY LEVY: So humble.

BILLY BENNETT: Of course. Listen, I know firsthand how hard it is to tear that gold outta the Tyrant’s hands. Havoc ain’t bout to lose it to these two. He better not, before I get a chance to try again...

JOHNNY LEVY: While it’s tempting to agree, Tate Selby has the dashing good looks of a young Hollywood star, combined with the viciousness of a... line.

BILLY BENNETT: ...there ain’t no script, Johnny.

JOHNNY LEVY: Regardless, I predict Selby wins. For the reasons listed above.

JOHNNY LEVY: This match is so fuckign stacked it makes my head spin, but that may just be the stimulants. As hard as it is to pick a winner here, I’ve got to go with experience, proved track record, and raw talent. Emmanuelle has all those in spades, and I think she’ll style all over those two thugs, and look damn fine doing it.

BILLY BENNETT: Meh.

JOHNNY LEVY: Well, I think we all know your pick, Bil-

BILLY BENNETT: Casanova English.

JOHNNY LEVY: What?! I really expected you to go with the Kraken on this one! You seem to be his biggest fan, after all!

BILLY BENNETT: I gave Swin a chance to set the tone for his reign. He dropped the ball. Cas has proven himself time and time again, and his record shows that he’s a dominant force. That man never hesitates to go for the fuckin’ throat. In a triple threat, that pays off. Trust me.

BILLY BENNETT: I was gonna sit this out, but since ya made a prediction for your own match, fuck it. I ain’t ‘bout to drop my belt to nobody who got their start on the blue brand. No disrespect, but takin’ a look at Arata’s time here... it’s obvious they don’t got what it takes to sit at the top of Project: Honor.

JOHNNY LEVY: Tradition dictates that I should agree, but as a staunch defender of racial unity and acceptance for all peoples, I cannot support Arata’s anti-foreigner stance.

BILLY BENNETT: Mmm. Good call, particularly since you’re sitting in arms reach.

JOHNNY LEVY: Yes, that too. I require full use of all my limbs for this coming match, and so I have little choice but to pick Billy Bennett to win.

BILLY BENNETT: *snorting sounds*

JOHNNY LEVY: Hey, save some for me! Well, that’s all folks! Have a blessed day and remember: ABBNDC. Always Be Blaming Nathaniel Demetrius Carmichael.

BILLY BENNETT: That’s so fuckin’ stupid, man.

JOHNNY LEVY: Well... back to the drawing board... but fiiiiirst... *snorting sounds*






JAMES EDGEBROOK: WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL IS GOING ON HERE?! aaaand we’re back! As if Julius wrecking the production truck wasn't bad enough, then we have a pirate broadcast from Billy Bennett and Johnny Levy? Who approved that? And who in the hell added that Media Darling Commercial? It feels like I'm losing control of my own damn show...

Suddenly, James is interrupted by a loud commotion from off screen. Seconds later, a crazed Julius Fairweather rushes back into the studio with a fireman’s axe held over his head.

JULIUS FAIRWEATHER: I’m bout to kill all you motherfuckers and I’m starting with you, Edgebrook!

JAMES EDGEBROOK: OH FUCK MEEEE!!!