Post by ttthet on May 26, 2022 15:43:37 GMT -5
Our scene starts in the world-famous HIP HOUSE. TJ Thompson is enjoying his break after his win in the tag team gauntlet match. To make good use of his time, instead of training in the gym or studying matches, TJ is hatewatching the POTR finale with Lil Petey.
TJ Thompson: I can’t believe this bozo is this close to actually winning. I’m shocked. Appalled. My man is really about to catch a dub despite coming through a dimensional portal. While talking mad shit! I haven’t exactly been paying attention to this show but I do know that he’s been slandering my name nonstop.
Lil Petey: Maybe you two should be friends! It’s clear that you two have a lot in common. Because you’re the same person.
TJ Thompson: I can’t be friends with this clown! I can’t stand him. We’ve been at each other’s throats since day one. We’ve literally tried to murder each other. Even the spooky people I face at work don’t try to straight-up murder me! Would you be buddies with Jeffery Dahmer?!?
Lil Petey: I mean, if I met him and he seemed like a chill guy-
TJ Thompson: I don’t think you know who I’m talking about. Anyway…we’re watching this because I need to see this guy take an L. Apparently, he’s been tearing it up as of late and it's taken him all the way to the finale. This bozo can’t go all the way. I can’t let this happen, can I?
Lil Petey: Why not? Maybe when he goes back to his own dimension you can say that his achievement is yours too! Y’all are the same people anyway.
TJ Thompson: Yeah…nah. It would be cool to steal his glory, but watching him be happy ain’t worth it.
The program moves on and Cooler TJ becomes the point winner, proceeding to talk shit about TJ and how he’s a complete failure.
TJ Thompson: SHIT! He really won! What the fuck? Nobody else on the roster could get more points than this dude? They couldn’t bribe some dude in the office to inflate a few challenges? Or drop Cooler TJ’s total to put him in second place? Wait a second…if I thought of that, Cooler TJ probably did too! It all makes sense now. He’s too much of a bum to win honestly so he had to slide someone a fifty to hand him the win!
Lil Petey: That does make sense. See? I told you that both of you think alike! He’s not saying nice things about you right now, though.
TJ Thompson: The fuck did he just say about me?!? Slander! This dumbass has a big head for someone that needed bribery to win. Clearly the people see that, right? They can’t truly believe that he has what it takes to win a game show in a dimension he didn’t know existed! I gotta find a game show to win to prove that I’m superior. I don’t like this shit.
Cooler TJ(on TV): Look at me, TJ! I’m already more successful than you’ve ever been and I’ve only been here for a few months! I’ve won more than you’ll ever dream of winning and I’ll do it again in that gauntlet match! Suck my dick, bitch!
TJ Thompson: Fuck you! I just won a gauntlet match against real wrestlers! Not against those game show punks you’re fighting! Sure, I came in last…and the chick I pinned got the shit beat out of her preemptively…but a win is a win!
Lil Petey: I think he could make it a double. He’s on a roll!
TJ Thompson: Not on my watch! I can’t give him more fuel to use against me! He already has way too much! How the fuck did we even bring him here in the first place? If he’s unbeatable in the competition, we gotta find some way to take him out of it. Where’s Gerald? Can he fly his private jet over to the island and yoink that man back to where he belongs?
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: What do you mean it’s too risky? The weather conditions are too dangerous? What’s more unacceptable, my name being slandered or us crashing the plane and dying? Okay. Never mind. I see your point. We gotta do something, though! Is there such a thing as a remote dimensional portal? I’m sure you could only activate it in person, but they had to have made one because of government restrictions and all that shit. Right?
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: I think I sound completely reasonable right now, Gerald. Make it happen! And do it fast before he bribes his way through the gauntlet match too! We gotta give this clown what he deserves and send him home! Far, far away from me.
Lil Petey: Maybe we should just see how it goes. I know you hate this guy and all but it seems like a lot of work to stop him from talking shit about you. People talk shit about us all the time! It is what it is!
TJ Thompson: This is different! I can’t let this inferior version of me think that he’s better. If other people think they’re superior, that’s different. But this dude? After what we’ve been through? Hell no! I’ll do anything to flex on him. I gotta assert my dominance one way or another.
TJ hops onto Gerald’s computer and starts typing frantically.
TJ Thompson: I gotta screw this man over before he has a chance to come close to winning!
On the TV, the match starts and it looks like Cooler TJ will be coming out last. TJ types rapidly on the computer despite having no knowledge about science.
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: Of course I know what I’m doing! Totally not clicking random things until a portal opens on that island and takes Cooler TJ to Narnia. I’m an expert on this shit!
Lil Petey: Well you don’t have much time!
The match continues on and Cooler TJ enters. As he perches on the top rope, he trips and tumbles into a portal that opens below him.
TJ Thompson: FUCK YES!!! LET’S GOOOOO!!! This bum really thought he could talk shit and get away with it?!? He thought he could take home a game show in a different dimension? He thought he could be the better version of me?!? He thought I would let all that shit happen?!?
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: I never had any doubt! I knew I had it in the bag! I’m a technical genius.
The scene switches to Cooler TJ going through the portal and landing back in his home dimension in the middle of the street.
Cooler TJ: Wha…where’s the ring? What happened? Did I win? Surely I won, right? Where’s my trophy? Where’s the bitches on my dick? And most importantly, why the fuck am I in the middle of the street?
Cooler TJ dives out of the way of a passing car.
Cooler TJ: Learn to drive, idiot!!! The last thing I remember is almost hitting my finisher on some poor unfortunate soul. And then I went flying into the pavement! Wait a second…this place looks familiar. Is that my old apartment across the street? Am…am I back in my old universe?!?
Cooler TJ clutches his head in shock.
Cooler TJ: NOOOOOO!!! I’m a nobody again! I was this close to being a celebrity and it was ripped away from me! At least I still have that win in points. BUT I’M NOT EVEN IN THE SAME UNIVERSE I WON IT IN!!! Who am I gonna blame for this? Only one person hates me enough to send me back to this dump. I’m gonna kill that imposter.
Bystander: Are you okay? It looks like you’re talking to yourself.
Cooler TJ: Shut up! You’re nothing to me! Have you ever been on Pursuit of the Ring?!? Have you ever won anything in your life?!?
Bystander: What’s that?
Cooler TJ: I…I hate it here already. Get away from me! TJ really ruined my life. He couldn’t handle the fact that I was better than him so he decided to cry like a little bitch and stick his nose in places it doesn’t belong! I’ll get you, TJ! I’m coming for you! Whenever I find my way back into your world, you’re dead! DEAD!!! Oh shit.
Cooler TJ makes a run for it as he sees cops approaching to arrest him for making a public scene. We fade to black.
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The scene opens up again a week later to TJ Thompson sitting in a recliner, still with a smile on his face.
TJ Thompson: I did it! Finally, I got one over on Cooler TJ. He thought he was hot shit?!? Well I sure showed him! And now there's only one of me in this universe, the better one. Y'all are welcome. I just purged the world of another menace to society. Now there's only one TJ in this dimension, the better one! Life is good. I just had a vacation. I have a tag title shot coming up. I banished my blood rival to the shadow realm. Good shit. That gauntlet match went well! I knew I would have to get lucky eventually. I mean…I worked hard for this! Sure, everyone beat each other up and all I had to do was jump on top of a dead corpse and pin it, but that doesn't matter. Some work was done! We did it! I'm proud of myself, but the work ain't done. Now we have the BFG Division coming up, and I'm sure that's gonna be a challenge. I've seen what they do to other bums and…I doubt that happens to us, right? We'll be fine! Caddy and I are veterans in this industry. We know how to take a hit. And another one. And another one.
TJ shadowboxes the air while still in the recliner.
TJ Thompson: But before that, we got some gladiator challenges coming up. Some of you might be asking why I decided to challenge Arata. Wouldn't I want to relax before my title shot? Save my energy? Preserve my health? Nah. That's for nerds. I've tasted victory once again and I want more, this time against a higher-profile opponent. Who else to challenge than the former Grand Champion? My guy is coming off a loss and his title is gone. That makes him pissed off, aggressive and more likely to fuck up. Which gives me an easy win and another person to add to the list of people I've beat! Or it could end in my ass getting handed to me. Either way, I'm down for it! The first scenario is more likely anyway. I'm not surprised nobody challenged me before I laid down the gauntlet for Arata. They know what I'm made of. They saw how I ended that gauntlet match in mere seconds. They're smart to be scared of my pure dominance! They know I'd do the same thing to them. But when I challenge someone, they have no option but to say yes. Arata said he was looking forward to kicking my ass, but I know it'll be the opposite happening.
Lil Petey: I wouldn't underestimate him, bro.
TJ Thompson: I'm sure it'll be fine. I know what he can do. Arata, you put up a good fight! It was a nice effort, but it wasn't good enough. You still took an L. Just like you will when I see you in the ring. Life has been bad for you as of late and I'm about to contribute to those bad times. I know you're all about that Asian supremacy shit. That…sure is something. I can't say I support it for obvious reasons…
TJ gestures at himself.
TJ Thompson: but you do whatever you wanna do! Maybe if you spent less time being a radical revolutionary or something, you would still have your title! Think about it. Thought about it? I'm sure we agree then. Anyway, with or without that belt, I'm sure you're a threat to the average wrestler. I'm simply built different. I'm unstoppable…most of the time. You're good, but I'm better. Exactly why I picked you to get these hands. Imagine how good I look to the average viewer with a dub over the former champ? This is my chance to elevate myself even more than I already have. You're done. This ain't looking good for you already. I bet you're counting on this being an easy win, but we'll see who's laughing when the bell rings and I'm the one standing tall. Hey! Wha-
We sharply cut to black as TJ gets yanked through a window.