Post by ttthet on Jan 6, 2021 15:55:02 GMT -5
Our scene starts in the aftermath of TJ Thompson's title match victory at Unbreakable Resolution. Big Drip Productions rides on the back of a giraffe as TJ Thompson holds the Warrior Rising championship proudly, almost dropping it in a pile of giraffe droppings as they celebrate.
TJ: WOOOOOOO!!! I AM THE FUCKING GOAT!!! THE HIPBEAST IS ON THE RISE, BABY!!! BIG DRIP, BIG HIP!!! BELT SEASON, LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO!!! Hey, where'd you guys find a giraffe?
Sauce: HIS NAME IS GERALD!!! And he's the newest member of Big Drip Productions! Let's just say that the Sauce has his ways. Your boy's got connections! And the door to the giraffe enclosure at the zoo was unlocked.
Petey: Fuck yeah, he can adlib to our songs! No, he can FEATURE!!! Gerald the giraffe is about to be the hottest rapper in the game! Drop a bar, Gerald!
Gerald: Giraffe noises.
Petey: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS FIRE!!!
TJ: He's better than Sauce!
Sauce: Hey!...Aight, it's true…
Gerald tries to carry Big Drip Productions backstage but the exit is too low for his neck, forcing Big Drip Productions to get off. TJ tries to slide off Gerald's neck like a pole, but stumbles and drops the Warrior Rising championship! The belt flies into the crowd as Big Drip Productions watches in horror. The belt lands in the lap of a little girl who looks astonished. She shows the belt to her dad who gasps. The two run off as Big Drip Productions screams in panic.
TJ: FUCK!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Goddamnit Gerald, why is your neck so skinny! WHY IS THE BELT SO SLIPPERY?!? How the fuck did it fly so far?!? That’s an aerodynamic belt!
Sauce: We gotta get that belt back! We don't have the funds to buy a new one! We broke out here! Fuck, man!
Petey: Get on, guys! Gerald is fast as fuck when he's not distracted by his giraffe hoes! GIDDY UP, GERALD!!!
Big Drip Productions hops back onto Gerald’s back and they encourage him to chase after the belt robbers. They soon realize that giraffes aren’t meant for speed.
TJ: How the fuck are we being outrun by a child and an overweight middle aged man? We’re on a giraffe! What are those long-ass legs for? JUST RUN FASTER!!!
Sauce: Hey, don’t insult Gerald! The Sauce knows he’s trying his best! It’s not easy being a giraffe in the human world, you know? It’s ok, Gerald, you run when you feel like it.
TJ: They’re getting away! That’s a speedy child! How does the child run so fast? Even I don't run that fast! AND I'M ON THE BACK OF A GIRAFFE!!!
Petey: Don't worry boys, they won't be going anywhere! We got Gerald the speed demon! Sure, he's not going that fast right now, but wait until he gets warmed up!
Gerald comes to a stop as he dips his head into someone's popcorn bucket. Big Drip Productions groans at the stop.
TJ: Goddamnit, Gerald! What happened to the speed demon? LIES!!! I guess we gotta chase these hoes on foot! Like the pioneers did!
Sauce: Don't worry, Gerald. The Sauce still loves you. I don't blame you. Popcorn can be distracting to me too!
Fan with popcorn (fan #1): What the fuck...IS THAT A GIRAFFE?!? How'd you get that thing through security? AND WHY IS HE EATING MY FOOD?!?
Petey: Don't worry about it! He's just hungry. He could be eating you instead! Gerald ain't that picky.
Fan #1: AGH, REALLY?!?
Petey: Nah. But keep it up and we could see! GIVE HIM THE POPCORN, STEVE!!!
Fan #1: My name's not Steve! But here! My popcorn over my life! I want to live, goddamnit!
Petey: Thanks, Steve! Now let's go boys, they're getting away! I DON'T HAVE MONEY TO PAY FOR THAT BELT!!!
TJ: We're just leaving Gerald here?
Petey: Yeah. The popcorn will keep him busy. And he'll find his way back to the boys eventually. Or animal control will get him. Either way he'll be fine!
TJ: Hell yeah, animal control! I wonder if they deal with crabs…
Big Drip Productions leaves Gerald behind and continues on the chase, exiting the main arena and going into the hallway. They sight the belt stealers running away, the little girl sitting on her dad's shoulders while holding the championship.
TJ: THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!!! If I knew I'd be exercising today, I would've warmed up beforehand! Who knew running was so tiring?
Sauce: You just came off a match…
TJ: Hush. That's a totally different situation! This is advanced exercising. I'm running for my life! AGH, MY LUNGS!!!
Big Drip Productions starts to gain ground, but slips and falls on a puddle of spilled water.
TJ: NOOOOO!!! WHERE'S THE WET FLOOR SIGN, GODDAMNIT!!! What kind of unsafe organization do you people run here?!?
They quickly stumble back onto their feet and continue the chase. They skid around a corner and see the culprits at a dead end, casually standing in a crowd of people.
TJ: Hey! Wheeze. We got them! Wheeze. There's nowhere to run now! Give me my belt back! It doesn't belong to you! That's my property!
Sauce: Yeah, the Sauce didn't run all the way here for nothing! I'm not supposed to be working out today!
Girl: Huh? That's just...my toy belt! It's not real, right Dad?
Dad: Don't talk to me and my daughter like that! This is just her toy, you idiots! You need to relax.
Petey: Then why were you running away all suspicious? And those nameplates look like real metal…
TJ: AND I LITERALLY SAW THE BELT FALL OUT OF MY HANDS INTO YOUR LAP!!! With my very own eyes, too! Don't try that shit with me! I'm dumb, but I'm not that dumb! Give it back!
Dad: What are you talking about? This is clearly a toy! Totally. Besides, how do you lose a whole championship belt that quickly? Sounds fake to me.
TJ: It was the giraffe! Everyone saw it! He did his whole neck thing and we fell off! I let go of the belt and it flew across the entire fucking arena! I'm not a rocket scientist! I don't know how that shit works!
Girl: Dad, why's the wrestler man trying to steal my toy? It landed in my lap fair and square! It's mine now!
TJ: SHUT UP, DEMON CHILD!!!
Petey: Her dad's Satan? Wow! You think we can get him on a feature?
Sauce: Hey...the Sauce would trade TJ's belt for a feature from Satan! What do you say? I think that's a good deal!
Bystander #1: Hey, leave that kid alone! Don't you have a real belt to play with anyways? Why are you trying to get some kid's toy?
TJ: THAT'S THE POINT!!! That. Is. My. Belt. It's not a fucking toy!!! I won it just now! Are you blind? Didn't you see?
Bystander #2: Hey, can't we all calm down here and talk it out? No need to yell and all that.
TJ: I HAVE BEEN ROBBED!!! And you want me to calm down?!? Just give the belt back and we can all leave! I won't even press charges! Because I don't know how to press charges.
Girl: Finders keepers!
Dad: Yeah! And...uh...it was ours to begin with! Totally ours to begin with.
TJ: LIES!!!
Big Drip Productions tries to jump up and grab the belt from the little girl, but they're held back by bystanders. In the pandemonium, the belt thieves try to slip away.
Petey: Gah, don't you know who we are?!? We're world famous rappers! I just dropped an album last week! Famous people shouldn't be treated like this!
Bystander #1: I have no idea who you people are...
TJ: Rude! Shit, they're getting away! I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY A NEW ONE, COME ON!!! SOMEONE!!!
The thieves are almost at the door when a long neck stretches out and snatches the belt back with it's teeth. Gerald hands the belt back to TJ and he celebrates.
Sauce: Gerald is back!!! And he got the belt! The Sauce knew he could do something useful!
TJ: WOOOOO!!! See? Giraffes know all! He knew the belt belonged to me! See, it even has my name on it!
TJ shows the crowd a hastily written label with his name on it in magic marker.
Petey: Looks legit to me. Who can doubt magic marker?
TJ: Yeah, it's what all the official people use to sign things! And...uh...decorate championship nameplates. Totally.
The crowd shrugs and disengages as the thieves look on in confusion and shock. Big Drip Productions hops back onto Gerald's back to continue the championship celebration when Sauce gets a notification on his phone.
Sauce: Hey...they want us to jump Colton Saint? Sounds fun! The Sauce has always wanted to jump someone.
TJ: Me too! Only he's not a crab. Unless he went through some species change. But it'll do! Why not?
Petey: What could go wrong?
The scene fades to black.
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Ayy, last Sunday was pretty good for everyone! Well. Not Alex Slayer. Or Euan Hill. Or Daniel Horror. To be honest Big Drip were the only ones celebrating after my win! And even that didn't last too long because of that whole robbery thing. But it was fun while it lasted! We all had fun while it lasted! For an event called Unbreakable Resolution, I don't know how many resolutions were left unbroken. Mine wasn't! But I only had one. And to be honest, it would be really hard to break! Because from what we've seen, my opponents weren't exactly the cream of the crop. Two of them couldn't even make it to the ring! And the other three were...meh. But your boy's not complaining! It made my job easier! If I could face easy opponents for my entire career, I would be happy. Or at least people that are worse than me! And that's not as unbelievable as some people think. Because I'm the best. Yeah. Let's say that. That might sound like loser talk, but come on! I know most people in this company would say the same. Maybe not in public, but I know I'm not the only guy on the roster who thinks like this! Why get better when your opponents are already bad! Sure it sounds bad, but it's already working, right? For now, at least. I have a championship! Most people here don't! I would know. If the best strategy in the history of strategies got me this far, it can probably get me even farther! What's next? What about tag gold for Big Drip? Or singles belts for the rest of the homies? If I got one, how hard can it be for them? Probably not that hard. I wouldn't be surprised if you saw Big Drip draped in gold in 2021!
But some people are saying that this win is merely a fluke! Or some shit like I got lucky. How I'll lose this thing on my first defence. I don't know why they're slandering my name like this! Haven't I proven myself already? Sure, they were handing out title shots like candy in a white van. But that doesn't really matter, right? I won! Nobody cares about how I got the shot in the first place! Well. I don't. And my opinion is the only one that's valid! Totally. But I guess you could say that the shot could've gone to someone more deserving of it. But that's impossible! I deserve it all! Besides, if there was someone who should really have it, why not throw them into the title match too? It's not like there were too many people in the ring. Which brings us to the next FALSE point! People are saying that I had an easier ride because two of my opponents were jumped before the match! Including the current champ, too. Meh, I guess that's true...but only a little true! I guess it made the match...a tiny bit easier! Those two couldn't defend themselves against one guy! They got their asses handed to them before they could even make it to the ring! Who says that they had that even good of a chance at winning? Look at them. Just lying there like a couple of bums. I think we all know they weren't winning the match anyways. It was always going to be a four way! Well...who knows if that masked attacker dude got his hands on the rest of the competition. They could just hand me the belt! But you know what I mean. Sure it was an easier ride, but not as easy as the haters are trying to say! Come on, there are so many other things you can criticize me on, but you choose this topic?!?...I mean...I'm obviously perfect, so these hoes are grasping at straws! How dare they?
But life moves on! You can't spend life focusing on the haters. That's what they want you to do. And I kinda want me to do that too, to be honest. Does that make me a hater? Never mind. It's draft season! That means your boy could be moving around! Man, if they separate the boys...I might have to get involved. And they don't want me to get involved! I'm too much for them to handle. You've seen me in a ring, so imagine me arguing with some head office guy! Trust me, it's a scary sight. People shake in fear when they see me in a bad mood. I'm interested in where we'll be going, but I should be thinking about this upcoming match! That's right, your boy is wrestling again! But this isn't just some normal match against some bum. No, this is a match against all the current singles champs! Do this a year later, and it'll be a Big Drip Productions civil war. In the main event! The Warrior Rising champion vs the...whatever those other belts are called. They don't matter. This should be a good one, but the real winners will be the friends we made along the way. Unless it's me. If I win, the real winner is me. I don't make the rules here. Do these hoes stand a chance? Probably. I'm sure they have their respective straps for a reason. But I'm just a different breed! I got hip! I got the goatedness! The whole package, if you know what I mean. I might be the underdog to the uneducated, but real ones know what I'm made of.
Let's start with the...uh...X Factor championship, yeah, that's what it's called. Indy Darling seems like a nice guy, to be honest. He put on a banger against that Nash guy in a cage. The guy calls himself "Everyone's Favorite". That sounds kinda like a stretch, you know? Even I'm not EVERYONE'S favorite! I have my fair share of people who don't like me. They're an endangered species, but they exist! Crazy, I know. Who could hate a guy like me? And if some people don't like me, is the entire world rallied around this Indy guy? Probably not! But he seems like an honest guy! Maybe he's just confused or something. It's impossible to be universally liked by everyone. Trust me, I tried. Many times. Who gave this guy the obviously false nickname?!? Whoever it is, I will hunt him down. I will find him. And I'll give him a harsh tongue lashing. Nah. No I won't. But it's kinda mean! You know what I'm trying to say here. But maybe Indy and I can team up on Dickie. I swear, I've never seen the guy lose! We're gonna need some mutual alliance to stop this weirdly skinnier than me world champion. But we'll come to that part when it's time to get in the ring. He seems like an underdog in this thing, but I don't know, I think he's flying under the radar. Well...as much as an underdog you can be when everyone has a belt. Week after week, he's putting out good performances, and people are giving notice! But is it enough to stop his fellow champs? Well apparently it is, according to the haters. But they're saying that I'm the weak link in this thing so I wouldn't listen to them. I like his moveset, though! He doesn't look like a guy who can do all that flippy shit, but I don't look like a guy who can do much either. I hope he doesn't try to sell me some of his merch. You know how those indie guys are with the merch. I'm broke here! But in the ring, I guess I respect the guy. He has a belt for a reason! But maybe I have an advantage in other ways! You know, it's called wrestling, but there's more to it than...wrestling! I'm sure that makes sense. Indy Darling lacks hip! I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what hip even is! That should be a criminal offense or something. What does that have to do with wrestling, you ask? Well. Hip alone, doesn't really, but chances are if you don't know what hip is, you're not that educated. And wrestling is more than being all athletic and shit! You need to be smart. And high iq and hip go hand in hand! My advice to Indy is to discover what hip is. If you know what hip is, you can go anywhere in life! Including having a chance at winning this match. Totally.
And then there's the juggernaut of this thing. The big favourite. Dickie Watson who has a funny name is also the Grand champion! The man's almost undefeated in this place, but he looks like he goes to the gym once a year. Which is still a little more than me, but he's not a freak of nature like me! Y'all really getting beat up by this skinny guy? I mean...I don't blame them. I'm sure he's always underestimated when they first see him and he makes them pay! And...uh...body shaming bad. Yeah. That too. Maybe all that rage of being called skinny translates into wrestling angst towards his opponents. Besides, I don't think anyone's underestimating him anymore! He's the world champ! But I wonder what his secret is. He's not ripped. I doubt he's one of those flippy guys like Indy. He doesn't look like a genius. So how did he get this far? Could it be...hard work? I don't know, man. Hard work sounds kinda...hard. I'm not built for shit like that! But is Dickie? Could be. Who names their child Dickie? It's like you're just asking people to bully your kid. Slapping a make fun of me sign on their back from birth. Maybe that made him tougher! Weird parenting method but if it works, good for him. I'm sure it gave him a thick skin. His life was probably hell from fifth grade on. I'd like to think that I'm above jokes like that but...we'll cross that road when we come to it. But enough about names. I'm sure everyone's wondering what I'm doing to prepare for the world champ! Well. Maybe you should be asking what the world champ's doing to prepare for me! Sure, he's only lost one match but...he's never faced me before! Sure, that's what everyone probably said, but the difference between me and then is that I don't lie! Everything I say comes true...eventually. Yeah. Eventually. So believe me when I say that I'm a different breed than this Dickie guy. He might have some legendary reputation, but your boy's got hip! And from what we've said before, hip is basically wrestling skill!
That's right, it's time to shock the world once again! The uneducated see me as some underdog in this thing, but real ones know that I'm the real contender! It doesn't matter where I get drafted. The only things I'll be making sure of is that I get this dub and that the boys stay together! If we separate, we riot. If I lose...we probably won't riot. Indy, Dickie, I hope you're enjoying those belts. Because I'm about to serve up a reality check with extra hip! I might be seen as the lowest level champion but that's about to change real soon. And it all starts here! A pay-per-view win, and next a dub in the main event!
Call me an elevator, because we on the rise!