Post by ttthet on Mar 16, 2022 18:37:43 GMT -5
Our scene starts up once again at the World-Famous HIP HOUSE. Yung Sauce and Lil Petey are exiting the studio after a long recording session when they hear a toilet flush.
Yung Sauce: Sheesh, I didn’t know TJ was home. I wonder what that boy’s up to.
Lil Petey: Looks like he’s taking a fat dookie. Hey, I got a great idea, bro! Let’s prank him when he comes out.
Yung Sauce: Bet!
The boys take their positions outside the door while giggling. Yep. Giggling. The door opens and they jump out expecting to see TJ Thompson, but they come face to face with Bohn Bash Bader.
Petey and Sauce: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
BBB: AAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Petey and Sauce: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
BBB: AAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Yung Sauce: HE FOUND ME! DON’T LET HIM TAKE ME BACK TO HIS BASEMENT!!!
TJ comes running in after hearing the screaming.
TJ Thompson: Guys! Chill! BBB’s reformed now! He needed a place to stay after he was sued for literally everything he owns, so I let him crash at our place!
Yung Sauce: You mean…THIS GUY’S LIVING HERE NOW?!?
Sauce screeches like a little girl.
TJ Thompson: Stop that! Don’t arouse him! He’s doing a great job by not snatching you and making a run for it right now.
A vein bulges on BBB’s head as he resists the urge to yoink Sauce.
Yung Sauce: You can’t expect me to live with this bozo! You guys know what he did to me, right? While y’all were wrestling and having fun, this dude kidnapped me and locked me up! I don’t wanna talk about what happened down there. I only escaped after he left his window open!
TJ Thompson: Well…that’s in the past, right? It’s time to let bygones be bygones and move on! Triple B feels bad about what he did and now he needs a second chance!
Lil Petey: I don’t know about this one. Remember everything he did to us? The last time he was in this house, we had to live in the tour bus! He’s a menace to society! And now we’re letting him live with us? Think of the children!
TJ Thompson: Come on, we’re supposed to be the good guys! We take the moral high ground and shit! We help people in need, right? And this dude is in need of a lot of things. He might have done us dirty in the past, but now he’s shown remorse! Character development! He’s a good person, right? Tell em!
BBB: I really do feel bad for all the suffering I inflicted in the past and I’m trying my best to change! I’m taking accountability for my actions but because of that, my net worth is now zero. I don’t have a place to stay and TJ offered to help me out! I promise I won’t do anything to anyone anymore. I’m sorry, Sauce.
Yung Sauce: He’s speaking in complete sentences? Are you sure this is BBB?
TJ Thompson: He showed me his library card! That’s gotta be legit!
Yung Sauce: Fair enough. Just don’t come near me. I don’t need to be snatched again.
TJ Thompson: Hear that, Triple B? You can stay! Just stay away from minors. We don’t want you relapsing. We also don’t want Sauce having a heart attack at 17, but that’s a minor thing.
BBB gives TJ a thumbs up as inspirational music plays and we transition into a montage of daily life with BBB. BBB folds everyone’s laundry as the Big Drip Boys look on in appreciation.
Lil Petey: He does laundry? I thought those hands were only meant for one thing, inflicting emotional damage to children.
TJ Thompson: He’s also a nurse! That boy patched me up after The Crowning.
Yung Sauce: I didn’t know the boy had it in him! Hey, be careful with that! That shirt’s worth more than your rent!
TJ Thompson: He doesn’t pay rent.
Yung Sauce: I’m still right!
We transition into another scene where BBB is whipping up breakfast, even preparing leaves for Gerald. TJ tries a bite of scrambled eggs.
TJ Thompson: Hey, this is pretty good! I didn’t know he could cook. Did he ever make anything for you when he trapped you in his basement?
Yung Sauce: Nothing as good as this! Maybe he really has changed!
Gerald the Giraffe: *happy giraffe noises*
Lil Petey: Even Gerald likes it!
TJ Thompson: I thought he was satisfied with leaves off our neighbour’s tree. Now he won’t call the cops and PETA on us anymore!
We transition into the next scene where BBB is taking Gerald for a walk. The Big Drip Boys look on from the window.
TJ Thompson: I didn’t know Gerald needed to be walked. He never asked me! That boy’s some kinda scientific genius. He built a portal that brought another version of me from another world. He escaped from Bill Nye the Science Guy’s secret lab. He renovated our house without us knowing. But he needs to be walked like a dog?
Lil Petey: Well he is an animal. Don’t they all need to be walked?
TJ Thompson: But he’s smarter than all of us combined! Can’t he take himself for a walk?
Yung Sauce: Maybe you should ask him! Either way, BBB found out. Look!
A guy in a black ski mask tries to shove Gerald into a white van, but BBB fights him off and throws him into a nearby bush.
TJ Thompson: Holy shit! Maybe that’s why Gerald shouldn’t go for walks alone. He could get snatched at any second. Now I know how women feel walking at night. These kidnappers are always lurking!
Yung Sauce: You should know. Remember when one of us was getting kidnapped every day? And we just treated it like a normal thing?
Lil Petey: Maybe that shit wasn’t normal. People usually don’t get kidnapped, right?
TJ Thompson: Meh. We’re not normal. Look! We’re rooming a registered sex offender. And he’s actually been a pretty great roommate so far!
We transition to yet another scene where BBB is watering the lawn as the Big Drip Boys observe from the porch.
Yung Sauce: Isn’t it…kinda sus how much he’s been doing?!? I mean, I get that he wants to help out, but even I don’t do that much work. Is he trying to make us like him that much?
TJ Thompson: Huh…it is kinda weird, but I’m not gonna hate on a man doing work for me! I guess he needs something to do with his time now that he’s reformed. I bet he didn’t have any hobbies other than terrorizing the masses. And the taxidermied heads.
Lil Petey: The WHAT?!?
TJ Thompson: Never mind. That’s in the past now. All the heads got sold to pay for the legal bills! At least I think all of them. He might have a few lying around. If I were you guys, I would watch where I step.
Petey and Sauce give TJ a disturbed look.
TJ Thompson: Anywaaaaay…he’s doing a great job on the lawn! I wonder if there’s anything behind this or if he’s just trying to be helpful.
Lil Petey: Whatever it is, we’re making good use of him. Good! He’s done so much to us in the past, he should make up for it!
The boys nod in agreement as we fast-forward time to that night. It’s 3am and everyone is fast asleep. A hooded figure is seen sneaking around the exterior of the house. After checking all the windows and making sure that everyone is asleep, the burglar slices a window open like Catwoman and slips into the house.
Burglar: Time to make that bag.
He makes his way through the house, shoving every item of mild value into his sack. After snatching a golden belt buckle that they own despite no residents in the house owning a belt, the burglar moves to make his exit.
Burglar: Let’s get out of this shithole.
He makes it to the hole he made in the window, but he’s grabbed by the back of his shirt by a figure hidden in the shadows…that’s revealed to be BBB!
Burglar: Oh shit. Hold on! We can talk this over! I’m just borrowing it! I need to pay for my kid sister’s medicine! She has cancer!
BBB: Did you say…kid?!? No! Bad BBB! No!
BBB grabs the burglar and throws him out the window. His body is lying at an awkward angle on the lawn as the rest of Big Drip bursts onto the scene.
TJ Thompson: BBB…did you just kill that guy?!?
BBB: He was robbing us! See, look at all the diamonds on the lawn!
Yung Sauce: Oh shit…he really did save us from being robbed! He might have had to commit murder to do it, but that guy didn’t deserve to live anyway.
Lil Petey: Agreed. Great job, bro! Maybe you really are a cool guy after all. We forgive you for kidnapping Sauce!
Yung Sauce: Ayo, don’t go that far-
The scene fades to black as Big Drip congratulates BBB on a job well done while ignoring the possibly dead body lying on their lawn.
------------------------------------------
The scene opens back up to TJ Thompson throwing a bottle from a bag full of them into the ocean while Lil Petey looks on.
Lil Petey: So what are we doing again?
TJ Thompson: I’m throwing this message in a bottle into the ocean to let Cooler TJ know that he’s a bum. It’s been a while, and I think he needs a reminder.
Lil Petey: Oh. So we drove for three hours for you to roast some guy you could’ve texted?!?
TJ Thompson: Yep! Also, I thought this would be a cool place to do a promo. GET OVER HERE, CAMERAMAN JEFF!!! Here we go. Welp, my match two weeks ago didn’t go exactly as I planned. I took an L, and I really thought I had it! I guess I didn’t have it. But whatever. It’s all good. We move on. Cassie escaped with his life this time, but next time I’ll get it! Maybe. If he doesn’t roll me up again. Anyway, other than that, a few things happened. The Petey legacy tour or whatever went on, and it brought back our boy Caddy. The match wasn’t exactly a clean fight and that bum Lance came back. I guess we’re doing Lance vs Petey now? But what about Caddy? He came back, and he’s already yesterday’s news to another return. Where did they put him? In a tag team match with your boy. Don’t worry, Caddy. I’ll make you relevant again. As long as you show up to the party, we should be just fine. Caddy, I kinda feel bad for you. You had your cool little debut return match only for it to end in some lame DQ and then they all move on without you. I gotchu, bro. Once you win a match or two, you’ll be back in their heads. And I’m gonna help you do it! I could also go for a few wins, and against the tag team champs, it’ll mean even more.
Lil Petey: I still feel bad about that. Maybe we’ll have a rematch! Or not.
TJ Thompson: Anyway, don’t worry, Caddy. This should be light work. Before you left us, you were doing the best work of your career! Going up against guys like Ozy and…Ozy. All you gotta do is replicate that performance and you’ll be fine. As long as you carry your weight and contribute, we won’t have a problem. We’ve fought before. We know what the two of us are capable of apart, so us joining forces should be unstoppable. Especially against these PT bums. This shit should really just be for the belts. The division deserves more than these hoes with the straps. What were they doing with their lives before they got tossed into a title match? Losing to everyone except the bottom of the barrel. Before Slade and Julius, I couldn’t name a single relevant wrestler they’ve beaten. Why? You know why. The champs should be us! And after we beat them at Proving Ground, maybe Indy will realize that and just name us the champs. This shit's gonna be easy. DJ Hunter and Kyle Valentine? Man, I don't know how these guys beat Julius and Slade. They're one of the only actual teams in this company, and they still managed to be jobbers before their fifteen minutes of fame. They should be running the tag division because nobody else likes each other enough to be a regular team, but they're not. After me and Caddy knock them off, that win's gonna be nothing.
Lil Petey: Yeah!
TJ Thompson: DJ and Kyle, I can't even bother to talk shit about you individually. Y'all are both the same to me. Two bums that are about to take an L to the TJ and Caddy connection. Before Slade and Julius dropped the ball and dropped those belts into your arms, what were you? The team that everyone beats except the Kavengers of the roster. Give me one name the two of you beat that actually means something. You can't do it! You get fed a couple of undercard Gatekeeper Title candidates every few shows to make sure your records don't look THAT horrendous. Those wins don't mean anything. And we're about to prove that y'all are some frauds. Y'all are lucky those titles aren't on the line, because even with those titles, you two are still in the same spot. Losing to individuals that are simply better than you. Champs or not, the world sees your talent. And it's not much. Caddy and I are gonna beat the brakes off of you before you two eventually drop those belts to two people that are simply better in every way. Also, isn't the Phantom Troupe some dead OWA faction? I don't know what deceased company the two of you met in, but you might wanna look into a copyright lawyer or something. Anyway…
TJ chucks another bottle into the ocean.
TJ Thompson: You two might be the only real tag team on the roster. Sure, you got the million combinations of TS and Emmy and Myo, but those two aren't official. Are they still better than you? Yes. But they're not official. For tag team championships, those belts have had mostly Julius and friends holding them. We don't talk about the original champs. This company doesn't have a lot of teams. So the tag division should be your playground! Y'all should've had those belts a long time ago, right? But you didn't. It took you this long since debuting to even come close to them, and now that you have them, you'll drop them as quickly as it took for you to lose all those other matches beforehand. Before winning the belts, y'all were afterthoughts as the only tag team in the tag division and you'll go back to being them after we give you these hands. I'm a part of Big Drip, but even without them, I'm relevant. I'm someone that people know exist. But even with double the manpower, you two manage to be losers! Come on! I can't knock the two of you for finally getting the job done even if it was probably a fluke. I'm sure the two of you are happy and celebrating. But if you think you're beating me and Caddy, I don't know what to say.
Lil Petey: I do. Nope.
TJ Thompson: Right. I hope your egos haven't gotten too big, because we're about to give you a reality check. You're the tag champs. Cool! But don't forget about everything else about you. There's not much, right? I don't blame you for wanting to cling onto the one positive part of your careers. But when we're done with you, that part of your careers will be long gone. Enjoy it while it's here because before you know it, you'll be right back where you started. In the L column. Caddy and I have both reached peaks that you two can't even imagine being at. World Title matches, main events, this match is just another day of work for us. Caddy might have been gone for a while, but he's already had a match! I'm sure he's already back to form. The two of us at our best are unstoppable! We just gotta make sure that Caddy's back to the same guy he was when he won that rumble. He might have hid under the ring for most of the match but he still won, right? That's all that matters.
A bird tries to eat one of the bottles, but TJ grabs it back.
TJ Thompson: No! Anyway, the two of you are finished. You had your little win, but soon, it's gonna be back to the same old shit. The same old losses, and wins for the people that usually win! I need this, bro. I haven't had much success in this little TS feud and with that group in the past, it looks like I won't be getting my revenge anytime soon. That makes me even more motivated to give you two the hands. Good luck, because we know y'all are going to need it.
We fade to black as TJ tosses the last message in a bottle into the ocean.