Post by Ratball Slade on Mar 11, 2022 1:56:49 GMT -5
The bell tolls for a fallen comrade. Meatball sits in the corner of the church where one of his old riding mates' funeral is being held. For some reason, no one is questioning why the big bad man has a camera crew at a funeral but he does get a few questionable stares. Meatball is slouched in his seat with a fedora tipped in front of his face, covering his eyes. He’s also wearing a suit with embroidered white flames. A church organ begins to play while a pastor takes the stage next to a picture of the fallen and his open casket. The man had long greasy hair, a holey smile, and a thick scraggly beard.
PASTOR: Hello everyone and welcome. We meet here today to honor the long tumultuous life of Big Dick. We come together, family, friends, and… gang...
Everyone turns to Meatball who has yet to look up from his seat.
PASTOR:... to be thankful for his life, and pray that god give him forgiveness for his sins and bless him on his journey to the next life. For Big Dick, his journey with us has ended but we may celebrate that he has made it into Jesus’ arms in heaven where his next journey may begin. Many of us will deal with this loss in many ways. Grief, pain. All of us have been affected by Big Dicks presence and that presence will continue to be felt long into the future. Now please join me, as we open our hearts and say a prayer for the deceased.
Everyone lowers their head which Meatball now does the opposite of. While everyone's head is down including the pastor, Meatball surveys the audience seeing who all he might find.
PASTOR: Heavenly father, we pray for ourselves and Big Dick. We stand here today where earth and heaven meet, where life is brought to death. Please embrace Big Dick as all of us have, and forgive his past as his wife and children have. Grant us peace as you deliver us from our pain and grief. Allow us to remember Big Dick for what he was, and the good deeds he has done. Please watch over us as we survive this day, and allow us and his family to continue to thrive as they have in the past. Bless us and heal us as we breathe peace into our new lives. Amen.
CROWD: Amen.
Big Bad Meatball’s eyes bulge as if he is disturbed by the cult-like synchronicity of the people around him.
PASTOR: I would now like to invite to the front anyone who would like to share their memories of Big Dick.
A few people shuffle including an elderly woman next to Meatball but he pushes her down into her seat and rushes to the front not wanting to wait for a turn. He gets to the stage where the Pastor makes a quick attempt to stop the big man but gets pushed aside as Meatball takes the mic.
MEATBALL: *ahem* Excuse me… Is this thing on?
Meatball taps the microphone a few times causing a low rumble over the speakers which turns into a high pitched feedback causing everyone to cover their ears till the sound stops.
MEATBALL: I know many of you don’t want me here today but I knew Big Dick just as well as any of you. He was my best friend, my brother, hell, he was my ride or die.
The pastor gives Meatball a dirty look at the mention of hell in his church but brushes it off and forgives him knowing that this guest clearly had not spent much time in churches before.
MEATBALL: You know, I thought I would be sadder, knowing my long time friend was gone, but for now all I can feel is relief. While at the end of his life we weren’t always on the same page, we were still brothers till the end.
Everyone in the crowd begins to easy themselves, slowly starting to trust Meatball won’t say anything out of line.
MEATBALL: After he fucked my dear Cheryl I thought I was gonna kill him myself to be honest. I’m happy it never came to that.
The crowd's collective jaws drop as parents begin to cover their children's ears. The Pastor begins to approach the stage where Meatball stands.
MEATBALL: Actually I think I fought him after the second time he did it with the rest of my gang. Surprised me cause his wife was already pregnant when it happened. Thought he was turning his life around but hey, our gang was all about being the baddest around and he was a level of bad that rivaled my own.
The pastor now much more persistently tries to convince Meatball to exit the stage but Meatball continues to ignore him.
MEATBALL: I’ll miss Big Dick, but if I’m being honest…
Meatball turns toward the open casket.
MEATBALL: … good riddance you foul bastard.
Meatball spits into the casket while the Pastor continues to get increasingly aggravated while Big Dicks Widowed wife yells at him to do something. Meatball looks at the hysterical woman before he continues to address the crowd.
MEATBALL: Don’t worry pretty lady, there'll be plenty of time to get back at him for cheating on you. Call me anytime hehehe… This is just what I needed. After that last loss I wasn't sure what to do with myself but after today, I'm starting to realize, sometimes loss can be a good thing! HAHAHAHAHA!
The Pastor has now seen enough as he grabs Meatballs shoulder and tugs, but the big man doesn’t budge. Meatball turns and grabs the pastor's shoulder.
MEATBALL: And who the hell do you think you are?!
Meatball manhandles the smaller man as he put him on his shoulders and powerbombs him directly into the coffin!
MEATBALL: I’M THE BIG BAD MEATBALL! It’s time everyone knew what I was all about!
Meatball flips over the casket and multiple members of the crowd run forward but are taken out by various lariats and hard strikes.
MEATBALL: I will now take this time to address a certain Gin Kuromiya!
Meatball butchers the pronunciation but is still somewhat understandable.
MEATBALL: My last rampage was stopped dead in its tracks so I think it’s time to start another! Thanks to the tutelage of my mentor Mister Wright, whether I win or lose, you won’t be leaving in anything other than a body bag! I’m starting to realize what it truly means to be bad. To be bad you gotta be relentless. You gotta be brutal. You gotta be me! HAHAHAHA!
Meatball takes a break from talking to take out a few more family members of Big Dick, somehow keeping the fedora on his head.
MEATBALL: Now, does this mean I’m gonna stop picking on granny over there? Hell no, it’s too damn fun to stop! However, I gotta get my priorities in order so unfortunately granny gotta wait for her turn. Right now, I gotta focus my whole attention on Gin. Speaking of Gin…
Meatball pulls out a glass bottle and unscrews the lid.
MEATBALL: In honor of my match with Gin, allow me to pour some out for the fallen homie.
Meatball walks toward the overturned casket. He begins to pour the gin on the casket and the unconscious pastor next to it.
MEATBALL: Rest in peace homie. You got the last laugh this time. However, we’ll see who's laughing last when I’m the higher ranking demon in hell!
Meatball tosses the bottle to the ground allowing it to shatter against the coffin. He takes his place back at the stand.
MEATBALL: So I suppose what I gotta say to you, Gin, is if you really want a piece of the Meatball, you are not just getting the Big Bad Meatball. You’re getting THE BIGGEST, BADDEST MEATBALL ANY OF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!
Meatball flips off the camera as he tips his fedora.
MEATBALL: HAVE A BAD DAY!
The screen begins to fade to black as we see a logo appear on the screen saying “Big Bad Inc.”
PASTOR: Hello everyone and welcome. We meet here today to honor the long tumultuous life of Big Dick. We come together, family, friends, and… gang...
Everyone turns to Meatball who has yet to look up from his seat.
PASTOR:... to be thankful for his life, and pray that god give him forgiveness for his sins and bless him on his journey to the next life. For Big Dick, his journey with us has ended but we may celebrate that he has made it into Jesus’ arms in heaven where his next journey may begin. Many of us will deal with this loss in many ways. Grief, pain. All of us have been affected by Big Dicks presence and that presence will continue to be felt long into the future. Now please join me, as we open our hearts and say a prayer for the deceased.
Everyone lowers their head which Meatball now does the opposite of. While everyone's head is down including the pastor, Meatball surveys the audience seeing who all he might find.
PASTOR: Heavenly father, we pray for ourselves and Big Dick. We stand here today where earth and heaven meet, where life is brought to death. Please embrace Big Dick as all of us have, and forgive his past as his wife and children have. Grant us peace as you deliver us from our pain and grief. Allow us to remember Big Dick for what he was, and the good deeds he has done. Please watch over us as we survive this day, and allow us and his family to continue to thrive as they have in the past. Bless us and heal us as we breathe peace into our new lives. Amen.
CROWD: Amen.
Big Bad Meatball’s eyes bulge as if he is disturbed by the cult-like synchronicity of the people around him.
PASTOR: I would now like to invite to the front anyone who would like to share their memories of Big Dick.
A few people shuffle including an elderly woman next to Meatball but he pushes her down into her seat and rushes to the front not wanting to wait for a turn. He gets to the stage where the Pastor makes a quick attempt to stop the big man but gets pushed aside as Meatball takes the mic.
MEATBALL: *ahem* Excuse me… Is this thing on?
Meatball taps the microphone a few times causing a low rumble over the speakers which turns into a high pitched feedback causing everyone to cover their ears till the sound stops.
MEATBALL: I know many of you don’t want me here today but I knew Big Dick just as well as any of you. He was my best friend, my brother, hell, he was my ride or die.
The pastor gives Meatball a dirty look at the mention of hell in his church but brushes it off and forgives him knowing that this guest clearly had not spent much time in churches before.
MEATBALL: You know, I thought I would be sadder, knowing my long time friend was gone, but for now all I can feel is relief. While at the end of his life we weren’t always on the same page, we were still brothers till the end.
Everyone in the crowd begins to easy themselves, slowly starting to trust Meatball won’t say anything out of line.
MEATBALL: After he fucked my dear Cheryl I thought I was gonna kill him myself to be honest. I’m happy it never came to that.
The crowd's collective jaws drop as parents begin to cover their children's ears. The Pastor begins to approach the stage where Meatball stands.
MEATBALL: Actually I think I fought him after the second time he did it with the rest of my gang. Surprised me cause his wife was already pregnant when it happened. Thought he was turning his life around but hey, our gang was all about being the baddest around and he was a level of bad that rivaled my own.
The pastor now much more persistently tries to convince Meatball to exit the stage but Meatball continues to ignore him.
MEATBALL: I’ll miss Big Dick, but if I’m being honest…
Meatball turns toward the open casket.
MEATBALL: … good riddance you foul bastard.
Meatball spits into the casket while the Pastor continues to get increasingly aggravated while Big Dicks Widowed wife yells at him to do something. Meatball looks at the hysterical woman before he continues to address the crowd.
MEATBALL: Don’t worry pretty lady, there'll be plenty of time to get back at him for cheating on you. Call me anytime hehehe… This is just what I needed. After that last loss I wasn't sure what to do with myself but after today, I'm starting to realize, sometimes loss can be a good thing! HAHAHAHAHA!
The Pastor has now seen enough as he grabs Meatballs shoulder and tugs, but the big man doesn’t budge. Meatball turns and grabs the pastor's shoulder.
MEATBALL: And who the hell do you think you are?!
Meatball manhandles the smaller man as he put him on his shoulders and powerbombs him directly into the coffin!
MEATBALL: I’M THE BIG BAD MEATBALL! It’s time everyone knew what I was all about!
Meatball flips over the casket and multiple members of the crowd run forward but are taken out by various lariats and hard strikes.
MEATBALL: I will now take this time to address a certain Gin Kuromiya!
Meatball butchers the pronunciation but is still somewhat understandable.
MEATBALL: My last rampage was stopped dead in its tracks so I think it’s time to start another! Thanks to the tutelage of my mentor Mister Wright, whether I win or lose, you won’t be leaving in anything other than a body bag! I’m starting to realize what it truly means to be bad. To be bad you gotta be relentless. You gotta be brutal. You gotta be me! HAHAHAHA!
Meatball takes a break from talking to take out a few more family members of Big Dick, somehow keeping the fedora on his head.
MEATBALL: Now, does this mean I’m gonna stop picking on granny over there? Hell no, it’s too damn fun to stop! However, I gotta get my priorities in order so unfortunately granny gotta wait for her turn. Right now, I gotta focus my whole attention on Gin. Speaking of Gin…
Meatball pulls out a glass bottle and unscrews the lid.
MEATBALL: In honor of my match with Gin, allow me to pour some out for the fallen homie.
Meatball walks toward the overturned casket. He begins to pour the gin on the casket and the unconscious pastor next to it.
MEATBALL: Rest in peace homie. You got the last laugh this time. However, we’ll see who's laughing last when I’m the higher ranking demon in hell!
Meatball tosses the bottle to the ground allowing it to shatter against the coffin. He takes his place back at the stand.
MEATBALL: So I suppose what I gotta say to you, Gin, is if you really want a piece of the Meatball, you are not just getting the Big Bad Meatball. You’re getting THE BIGGEST, BADDEST MEATBALL ANY OF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!
Meatball flips off the camera as he tips his fedora.
MEATBALL: HAVE A BAD DAY!
The screen begins to fade to black as we see a logo appear on the screen saying “Big Bad Inc.”
