Post by MYŌJIN on Dec 17, 2020 21:39:43 GMT -5
Why was it that when he looked at himself in the mirror, he saw a different person than who he once was?
Gone was the bright-eyed, excitement in his dark brown eyes whenever he knew a match was growing closer and closer. Gone was the confident aura he often radiated. Instead, it was replaced with underlying anxiety at the thought of what would be coming next. The usual excitement bright-eyed look in his eyes was washed away with both contradicting emotions, anger and doubt. His blonde locks now unkempt instead of brushed. No makeup on his face as he leaned, staring at the troubled look of his reflection, with both hands against the sink. The perfect appearance he usually tried to present was nowhere near.
This wasn't MYOJIN, this was Shouta. The young, frightened, vengeful wrestler behind the metaphorical mask. He had recently been let free to go from the hospital, and was notified that he would be able to compete for Unbreakable Resolution. Though, at the moment, he wasn't very sure if that was a good thing as a hand carefully reached to to touch his own throat, wincing at the subtle ache it gave- which in turn caused an all too familiar fire to burn in his heart.
Of course, he was eager for Project: Honor's PPV. Of course, he wanted to become tag team champions with Zane.. And in theory, that should definitely be an important focus, which it was, given who they were going against. Though… he still had something else to settle. Something to else get through.
That Last Man Standing match against the man who recently tried to break his neck.
Shouta hated Colton Saint, Montoya, Reese, whatever name he wanted to go by. It all started from their tag match, to Saint costing him his match in the X-Factor title tournament, to trying to stab him in the face in their match against each other… To kidnapping Emiko, and up until recently where he could've vary well killed Shouta. That ate away at him, more than he could admit.. That no matter what, Saint had seemed to always be making his and his loved ones' lives hell- that he could never seem to get revenge. That he always being taunted… and knowing that Saint managed to hurt him so badly, it made him furious. Furious that what he had done changed Emiko, that what he had done changed Shouta himself too.
When the youthful fighter looked in the mirror, he didn't know the young man that was stared back. Truth be told, he was scared of the match. If he'd even be able in good condition to win it… To know Colton would be able to come in fresh and yet Shouta would be beaten to hell, win or lose. The idea of him being vulnerable towards the unforgivable snake, as if he was some prey or sacrifice to Saint frightened him in a way that he couldn't explain. He wasn't afraid of Saint, after all he wouldn't have ever asked for the match in the first place if he was…
It frightened him because it'd be exactly what Saint would want. A win against Shouta and to walk away without any consequences from all of his actions, every awful thing that he did.
The blonde would never find closure… or relief. Saint would get away after everything, and the mere thought of the bastard getting a happy ending made the mixed martial artist turned professional wrestler sick to his stomach.
Yet at the same time, he didn't like what he saw himself becoming. Never had he felt such an urge to harm someone else than he did when he thought about that match. Never had it gotten so personal for him. Never had it gotten this far.
Shouta exhaled deeply as he looked back down at the sink. He quickly ran some water and splashed it against his face while standing up fully straight, breathing heavily as he took one more last look at himself.
He needed to win this. Not just because he hated Colt, not just because he wanted to ruin his retirement… but because if he lost, who knows what Colt would try to do. This match would be about survivor and willpower… the pain tolerance needed to keep getting back up.
Shouta needed to prepare his nerves.
“You're faster than I remembered-!”
The Kuromiya Gym was empty at this time of night. Or at least, it should be. The sound of soft thuds with the occasional grunts between two could be heard, echoing throughout the empty building. Shouta was grappling up with Satoshi, his older brother. Satoshi had him in a waistlock, grounded against the mat, but it didn't last long once he quickly transitioned into a headlock, pulling the older brother down. Shouta then quickly went for a front facelock, but Satoshi caught his arm and attempted for a Fujiwara armbar. Shouta used his other arm to free himself quickly and roll away. This was how a Kuromiya usually dealt with their problems- fighting them or training to do so.
The two sat there panting after attempting to take each other down. Shouta and Satoshi, whenever they hung out, it would be in the gym- grappling and sparring with each other. He wasn't good with expressing or understanding emotions like their sister was, neither was Saroshi. They were both rather stubborn like their father, and could only seem to really express themselves through a good fight. The talking would come after they tired each other out. This wasn't unusual, this was just two brothers roughhousing… but with a bit of mixed martial arts.
“You're just getting old… and pretty slow.” The blonde responded with the cheekiest of grins. His older brother snorted and lightly shoved his shoulder as they sat on a dark blue mat. Shouta took a deep, exhausted breath and laid back against it. So did Satoshi as the two simply both stared up at the ceiling fan and lights, its soft hum the only true sound in the empty building.
“So… You have a lot on your plate, huh? A championship in XHF to defend pretty much right after Christmas… These two matches at, whaddya call it?”
“Unbreakable Resolution.”
“Right..” Satoshi paused, turning to his younger brother. He saw the look in the other's eyes and could already tell what Satoshi was about to say- that he shouldn't be trying to take so much on his plate, that he was worried about him, pretty much a rehash of what happened before Bloodbath and any other time Shouta got into something the least bit dangerous- which was often, considering he fought for a living.
“I believe in you.”
He had expected a scolding from an overprotective brother, but not that. Shouta looked at him with a bit of surprise, sitting up somewhat. “Huh?”
“I know you and your Emiko friend have been working really hard at this. I've seen you both train a lot here… I know you two aren't taking any of this lightly… but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared for your safety, Shouta. I don't want to see you get hurt again.. Especially after what that son of a bitch did to you… but after everything I've seen from you recently, I know you can kick that Saint guy's ass… I believe you can. When you have your head set to something, you get stubborn… and I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want to beat the shit out of him if I was in your position.”
“Satoshi.. Where is all this coming from?”
His older brother simply laughed, rubbing the light stubble on his face. “I ‘unno, I guess… After our last argument I got to thinking about what you said. That if I had a chance to ever compete again, would I take it? And lookin’ back… I was doing the same shit you are right now. I know that you know what you're getting yourself into, I know you may be an airhead but you aren't stupid. I just… want to see you come back to us in one piece for Christmas, alright?”
Shouta's look of initial surprise turned into one of a smile as he got up, dusting his Nike tee off. “That's what I plan on doing.”
Satoshi smiled in response, “Good… Just.. don't lose yourself out there, alright? Wrestling's a fuckin’ crazy sport and I know you can win those matches, but against him… Don't let it go too far, alright? Once it's over, it's over.”
“Yeah..”
All Shouta wanted was it to be over. Sooner than later.
There's so much that I could say right now. So much that's been on my mind that I haven't been sure of how exactly to express it… It's a scary feeling to be so uncertain of your own future, but I guess that comes with being human. Sometimes you just don't know what's going to happen next. Sometimes the anticipation or the dread, I'm not sure which I'm feeling, can drive you insane. I'm going to be in two matches, back-to-back, at Unbreakable Resolution… One against a tag team made up of two men who experienced veterans for the chance to become the inaugural tag team champions of Project: Honor with Zane… and then right after, I'm facing probably the most hated man in professional wrestling- for good reason, Colton Sai- No, Colton Reese in a Last Man Standing match.
...Yeah, no pressure there, right?
I've come a long way in such a short time in this business, in this company specifically… Project: Honor was one of the first, few places that treated me like I could be something big- which caused Wrestleworld to see something in me too. I went from dressing up with all these fancy costumes and makeup just to wrestle in bingo halls to now wrestling in sold-out arenas. I've been thankful for the opportunities, but at the same time, every step I've taken throughout this place… there's always been a shadow lurking over me, hasn't there?
I honestly remember when Reese first set his sights on me… He said that I was the problem with this place for some reason, that I was… a disease. For me, at the time this was just another moment where I face some boy toy with fragile masculinity getting in my way. It got out of hand so fast. I mean, From him trying to stab me in the face with a spike to now almost crushing my windpipe… He's always seemed to target and project everything that was wrong with him onto me. He hates me. At first, I didn't really care- He was just another competitor to me, someone else I wanted to beat and prove that everything he said was wrong about me.
...Then Bloodbath happened.
And the Proving Grounds after.
I saw Zane- I saw Emiko Kubo… get attacked by you. I saw you kidnap her, and there wasn't a single thing I could do about it. By the time I got there, I couldn't even find the either of you. I called people, tried to get into touch with others, did whatever I could think until management forced me to go home and be left to worry the worst… I felt scared, I imagined what her parents felt like, what her friends felt like, and when she brought back and you were arrested… Seeing the affect of what you did in her eyes, seeing you try to justify your actions…
My fear turned into fucking anger.
Reese, you're a pathetic, lonely, bitter, disgusting piece of shit that would love to point the blame at everyone but himself. I don't think I could even call you a human, you're a monster. I wanted nothing to do with you after I had made my point- after I was so close to beating you, that you resorted to cheating to save yourself the embarrassment, I was done. Yet, you kept pushing, you kept making it more personal. You went to the point of abducting a twenty year old girl and then wondered why no one would ever forgive you for it. Though the more I look at you, the more I realize just how sad of a person that you are.
You're alone.
You blamed everyone and anything else for the things you did and now you have no one. I wondered for a while why I was your constant target of your obsessive hate, I always wondered what made you think I was some sort of liar to everyone… but it's because I'm happy with my life, isn't it? I have people that I care about, that I fight for every time I step into a ring. I'm happy with myself, with who I am… and that upsets you, doesn't it? That I live up to the expectations that I was held up to, That I'm not alone in any of this. It's hard for you to understand that someone can't be putting up a facade, that someone isn't two-faced. Maybe it's your childhood that you brought up with such a fucked up idea of how people are, but I am who I am. This is me, Reese. This is Shouta Kuromiya, there is no lie.
And you know what, since I'm being honest, I'm scared. After what you did to me last Proving Grounds, I'm frightened for my own safety- I'm frightened of what lengths I might go just to hurt you. I'm frightened of the possibility of losing. There is a growing anxiety in my chest that right now, the more I speak, the harder my heart thumps. Yet I'm still going through with this- because I have to, not just because of the fans, not even just for Emiko… but for me.
You've taken up so much time in my life. You've caused so much pain and I absolutely fucking hate you for it. I don't even care about the actual match or what it'll do for my win-loss record or the Elite 5, I just want to make you suffer. I want the satisfaction of seeing you, the man who said who claimed I'm not a fighter, the evil fucker that's taunted and tried to put me down for so long in any way of possible.
You know, you left a scar on the bridge of my nose after your attack, you coward. I see it in the mirror, as faint as it is… You beat the shit out of me, and all I can do is thank you for it- because all its done given me a reminder that fuels me every time I see it. You couldn't put me down in our first match, you couldn't put me down when you almost ended my career, and you won't be able to put me down again.
I am so sick of hearing your name or seeing your face. I'm sick of knowing you're around. Though once this is all over, I can finally let go. I can finally be free of all of this, everyone can be- I won't have to see your face ever again, I'll finally have closure- and I'll end this very last chapter on my terms- sending you into a retirement, having to live with knowing the ‘dancer’ that you said wasn't a real fighter ended your career.
Fuck you, Reese. I can't wait to make your injured shoulder so mangled it'll have to be amputated. Just like this scar you gave me, I want to leave you with something to remember me by- I want to make this final match of yours in Project: Honor the one you'll always have nightmares of. I want to make sure you can never hurt anyone again, I want to BREAK you- a part of me even fantasizes of trying to end you.
You've made a lot of mistakes, but your worst one was not making sure I could get back up.
The only thing I'll regret about making sure they send you off on a stretcher is that your sister is going to see it.
Gone was the bright-eyed, excitement in his dark brown eyes whenever he knew a match was growing closer and closer. Gone was the confident aura he often radiated. Instead, it was replaced with underlying anxiety at the thought of what would be coming next. The usual excitement bright-eyed look in his eyes was washed away with both contradicting emotions, anger and doubt. His blonde locks now unkempt instead of brushed. No makeup on his face as he leaned, staring at the troubled look of his reflection, with both hands against the sink. The perfect appearance he usually tried to present was nowhere near.
This wasn't MYOJIN, this was Shouta. The young, frightened, vengeful wrestler behind the metaphorical mask. He had recently been let free to go from the hospital, and was notified that he would be able to compete for Unbreakable Resolution. Though, at the moment, he wasn't very sure if that was a good thing as a hand carefully reached to to touch his own throat, wincing at the subtle ache it gave- which in turn caused an all too familiar fire to burn in his heart.
Of course, he was eager for Project: Honor's PPV. Of course, he wanted to become tag team champions with Zane.. And in theory, that should definitely be an important focus, which it was, given who they were going against. Though… he still had something else to settle. Something to else get through.
That Last Man Standing match against the man who recently tried to break his neck.
Shouta hated Colton Saint, Montoya, Reese, whatever name he wanted to go by. It all started from their tag match, to Saint costing him his match in the X-Factor title tournament, to trying to stab him in the face in their match against each other… To kidnapping Emiko, and up until recently where he could've vary well killed Shouta. That ate away at him, more than he could admit.. That no matter what, Saint had seemed to always be making his and his loved ones' lives hell- that he could never seem to get revenge. That he always being taunted… and knowing that Saint managed to hurt him so badly, it made him furious. Furious that what he had done changed Emiko, that what he had done changed Shouta himself too.
When the youthful fighter looked in the mirror, he didn't know the young man that was stared back. Truth be told, he was scared of the match. If he'd even be able in good condition to win it… To know Colton would be able to come in fresh and yet Shouta would be beaten to hell, win or lose. The idea of him being vulnerable towards the unforgivable snake, as if he was some prey or sacrifice to Saint frightened him in a way that he couldn't explain. He wasn't afraid of Saint, after all he wouldn't have ever asked for the match in the first place if he was…
It frightened him because it'd be exactly what Saint would want. A win against Shouta and to walk away without any consequences from all of his actions, every awful thing that he did.
The blonde would never find closure… or relief. Saint would get away after everything, and the mere thought of the bastard getting a happy ending made the mixed martial artist turned professional wrestler sick to his stomach.
Yet at the same time, he didn't like what he saw himself becoming. Never had he felt such an urge to harm someone else than he did when he thought about that match. Never had it gotten so personal for him. Never had it gotten this far.
Shouta exhaled deeply as he looked back down at the sink. He quickly ran some water and splashed it against his face while standing up fully straight, breathing heavily as he took one more last look at himself.
He needed to win this. Not just because he hated Colt, not just because he wanted to ruin his retirement… but because if he lost, who knows what Colt would try to do. This match would be about survivor and willpower… the pain tolerance needed to keep getting back up.
Shouta needed to prepare his nerves.
“You're faster than I remembered-!”
The Kuromiya Gym was empty at this time of night. Or at least, it should be. The sound of soft thuds with the occasional grunts between two could be heard, echoing throughout the empty building. Shouta was grappling up with Satoshi, his older brother. Satoshi had him in a waistlock, grounded against the mat, but it didn't last long once he quickly transitioned into a headlock, pulling the older brother down. Shouta then quickly went for a front facelock, but Satoshi caught his arm and attempted for a Fujiwara armbar. Shouta used his other arm to free himself quickly and roll away. This was how a Kuromiya usually dealt with their problems- fighting them or training to do so.
The two sat there panting after attempting to take each other down. Shouta and Satoshi, whenever they hung out, it would be in the gym- grappling and sparring with each other. He wasn't good with expressing or understanding emotions like their sister was, neither was Saroshi. They were both rather stubborn like their father, and could only seem to really express themselves through a good fight. The talking would come after they tired each other out. This wasn't unusual, this was just two brothers roughhousing… but with a bit of mixed martial arts.
“You're just getting old… and pretty slow.” The blonde responded with the cheekiest of grins. His older brother snorted and lightly shoved his shoulder as they sat on a dark blue mat. Shouta took a deep, exhausted breath and laid back against it. So did Satoshi as the two simply both stared up at the ceiling fan and lights, its soft hum the only true sound in the empty building.
“So… You have a lot on your plate, huh? A championship in XHF to defend pretty much right after Christmas… These two matches at, whaddya call it?”
“Unbreakable Resolution.”
“Right..” Satoshi paused, turning to his younger brother. He saw the look in the other's eyes and could already tell what Satoshi was about to say- that he shouldn't be trying to take so much on his plate, that he was worried about him, pretty much a rehash of what happened before Bloodbath and any other time Shouta got into something the least bit dangerous- which was often, considering he fought for a living.
“I believe in you.”
He had expected a scolding from an overprotective brother, but not that. Shouta looked at him with a bit of surprise, sitting up somewhat. “Huh?”
“I know you and your Emiko friend have been working really hard at this. I've seen you both train a lot here… I know you two aren't taking any of this lightly… but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared for your safety, Shouta. I don't want to see you get hurt again.. Especially after what that son of a bitch did to you… but after everything I've seen from you recently, I know you can kick that Saint guy's ass… I believe you can. When you have your head set to something, you get stubborn… and I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want to beat the shit out of him if I was in your position.”
“Satoshi.. Where is all this coming from?”
His older brother simply laughed, rubbing the light stubble on his face. “I ‘unno, I guess… After our last argument I got to thinking about what you said. That if I had a chance to ever compete again, would I take it? And lookin’ back… I was doing the same shit you are right now. I know that you know what you're getting yourself into, I know you may be an airhead but you aren't stupid. I just… want to see you come back to us in one piece for Christmas, alright?”
Shouta's look of initial surprise turned into one of a smile as he got up, dusting his Nike tee off. “That's what I plan on doing.”
Satoshi smiled in response, “Good… Just.. don't lose yourself out there, alright? Wrestling's a fuckin’ crazy sport and I know you can win those matches, but against him… Don't let it go too far, alright? Once it's over, it's over.”
“Yeah..”
All Shouta wanted was it to be over. Sooner than later.
There's so much that I could say right now. So much that's been on my mind that I haven't been sure of how exactly to express it… It's a scary feeling to be so uncertain of your own future, but I guess that comes with being human. Sometimes you just don't know what's going to happen next. Sometimes the anticipation or the dread, I'm not sure which I'm feeling, can drive you insane. I'm going to be in two matches, back-to-back, at Unbreakable Resolution… One against a tag team made up of two men who experienced veterans for the chance to become the inaugural tag team champions of Project: Honor with Zane… and then right after, I'm facing probably the most hated man in professional wrestling- for good reason, Colton Sai- No, Colton Reese in a Last Man Standing match.
...Yeah, no pressure there, right?
I've come a long way in such a short time in this business, in this company specifically… Project: Honor was one of the first, few places that treated me like I could be something big- which caused Wrestleworld to see something in me too. I went from dressing up with all these fancy costumes and makeup just to wrestle in bingo halls to now wrestling in sold-out arenas. I've been thankful for the opportunities, but at the same time, every step I've taken throughout this place… there's always been a shadow lurking over me, hasn't there?
I honestly remember when Reese first set his sights on me… He said that I was the problem with this place for some reason, that I was… a disease. For me, at the time this was just another moment where I face some boy toy with fragile masculinity getting in my way. It got out of hand so fast. I mean, From him trying to stab me in the face with a spike to now almost crushing my windpipe… He's always seemed to target and project everything that was wrong with him onto me. He hates me. At first, I didn't really care- He was just another competitor to me, someone else I wanted to beat and prove that everything he said was wrong about me.
...Then Bloodbath happened.
And the Proving Grounds after.
I saw Zane- I saw Emiko Kubo… get attacked by you. I saw you kidnap her, and there wasn't a single thing I could do about it. By the time I got there, I couldn't even find the either of you. I called people, tried to get into touch with others, did whatever I could think until management forced me to go home and be left to worry the worst… I felt scared, I imagined what her parents felt like, what her friends felt like, and when she brought back and you were arrested… Seeing the affect of what you did in her eyes, seeing you try to justify your actions…
My fear turned into fucking anger.
Reese, you're a pathetic, lonely, bitter, disgusting piece of shit that would love to point the blame at everyone but himself. I don't think I could even call you a human, you're a monster. I wanted nothing to do with you after I had made my point- after I was so close to beating you, that you resorted to cheating to save yourself the embarrassment, I was done. Yet, you kept pushing, you kept making it more personal. You went to the point of abducting a twenty year old girl and then wondered why no one would ever forgive you for it. Though the more I look at you, the more I realize just how sad of a person that you are.
You're alone.
You blamed everyone and anything else for the things you did and now you have no one. I wondered for a while why I was your constant target of your obsessive hate, I always wondered what made you think I was some sort of liar to everyone… but it's because I'm happy with my life, isn't it? I have people that I care about, that I fight for every time I step into a ring. I'm happy with myself, with who I am… and that upsets you, doesn't it? That I live up to the expectations that I was held up to, That I'm not alone in any of this. It's hard for you to understand that someone can't be putting up a facade, that someone isn't two-faced. Maybe it's your childhood that you brought up with such a fucked up idea of how people are, but I am who I am. This is me, Reese. This is Shouta Kuromiya, there is no lie.
And you know what, since I'm being honest, I'm scared. After what you did to me last Proving Grounds, I'm frightened for my own safety- I'm frightened of what lengths I might go just to hurt you. I'm frightened of the possibility of losing. There is a growing anxiety in my chest that right now, the more I speak, the harder my heart thumps. Yet I'm still going through with this- because I have to, not just because of the fans, not even just for Emiko… but for me.
You've taken up so much time in my life. You've caused so much pain and I absolutely fucking hate you for it. I don't even care about the actual match or what it'll do for my win-loss record or the Elite 5, I just want to make you suffer. I want the satisfaction of seeing you, the man who said who claimed I'm not a fighter, the evil fucker that's taunted and tried to put me down for so long in any way of possible.
You know, you left a scar on the bridge of my nose after your attack, you coward. I see it in the mirror, as faint as it is… You beat the shit out of me, and all I can do is thank you for it- because all its done given me a reminder that fuels me every time I see it. You couldn't put me down in our first match, you couldn't put me down when you almost ended my career, and you won't be able to put me down again.
I am so sick of hearing your name or seeing your face. I'm sick of knowing you're around. Though once this is all over, I can finally let go. I can finally be free of all of this, everyone can be- I won't have to see your face ever again, I'll finally have closure- and I'll end this very last chapter on my terms- sending you into a retirement, having to live with knowing the ‘dancer’ that you said wasn't a real fighter ended your career.
Fuck you, Reese. I can't wait to make your injured shoulder so mangled it'll have to be amputated. Just like this scar you gave me, I want to leave you with something to remember me by- I want to make this final match of yours in Project: Honor the one you'll always have nightmares of. I want to make sure you can never hurt anyone again, I want to BREAK you- a part of me even fantasizes of trying to end you.
You've made a lot of mistakes, but your worst one was not making sure I could get back up.
The only thing I'll regret about making sure they send you off on a stretcher is that your sister is going to see it.