Post by serranopoblano on Mar 2, 2022 19:00:16 GMT -5
Since The Crowning II, there have been a few new additions to the patient roster of the Methodist Hospital in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. To be more specific, there have been new additions to the hospital cafeteria. Seated around a circular table are Serrano Poblano, Noah, Hope, and Rapture, all of whom are heavily bandaged after the multiple injuries they suffered in The Crowning’s main event. Serrano has his head bandaged, Noah is practically in a full-body cast, and Rapture is seated in a wheelchair with a band-aid on the forehead of his mask.
SERRANO POBLANO: I don’t know about you guys, but this is like heaven. If I’d have known all we had to do to get cafeteria access was to get injured, I would have hurt myself long before getting inside that Wargames Cage.
NOAH HOPE (through his bandages): Mmmf mm mffm mm.
RAPTURE: Having that fork pierce my skull may have been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Just then, the three men are interrupted by the arrival of Guy and El Puma, the first of which is carrying several boxes of pizza and the other a case of Coronas. The alcoholic beverage, not the virus. Although it is a hospital, so you never know.
GUY: WHAZZUP?!
RAPTURE: WHAZZUP?!
EL PUMA: QUE PASA?!
NOAH HOPE: MMM MMFF?!
SERRANO POBLANO: WHAZZUP?!
Guy and El Puma join their friends at the cafeteria table, sliding the pizza and beers toward the center. Serrano doesn’t hesitate in opening up the first box and grabbing a slice with each hand. Rapture grabs a pair of beers and then pulls a shockingly sharp bottle opener from one of his pockets. After popping the tops, he pulls the bandages away from Noah’s mouth and pushes the bottle to his lips as if he’s feeding a baby.
As the men start eating and drinking, it soon becomes obvious that there is an awkward quietness between them, as if something is missing. Finally, Guy breaks the silence.
GUY: Soooo…have you guys heard from Percy?
His question elicits a round of depressed expressions from the rest of the KaVengers.
SERRANO POBLANO: No. His leg was pretty bad, so they sent him to a different hospital. They wouldn’t even let me ride in the ambulance with him.
RAPTURE: Yeah, none of us have heard from him since The Crowning.
The awkward silence returns, as if the four men have nothing to talk about without Percival Burque to unite them with his undeniable aura of friendship.
Finally, Guy speaks up again.
GUY: What about KaChow? Surely, he’s stopped by.
Serrano shakes his head in the negative as he swallows a mouthful of pizza.
SERRANO POBLANO: Nah, but if I know Uncle Larry, he’s probably out scoring with the chicks.
MEANWHILE…
Larry KaChow sits in the front row of the Wells Fargo Arena in Philadelphia, scrolling through the newest Pornhub content on his phone. He is completely unaware that The Crowning ended a week ago as a long string of drool hangs from his bottom lip.
LARRY KACHOW: Daddy likey…
BACK AT METHODIST HOSPITAL…
GUY: So, uh, El Puma and I got a gig on The F’n Edge this week since Julius is locked up in a nuthouse. Turns out we’ve been scheduled for a match on Proving Ground this week.
We can see Noah Hope’s eyes widen in terror as Rapture sets down the empty beer bottle and immediately shoves a second one between his bandages.
SERRANO POBLANO: What?! Already? We haven’t even been cleared yet! I mean, the staff keeps telling us that we have to leave, but I don’t think that’s the same as clearing us to compete. Who are we scheduled against?
GUY: It’s supposed to be me, El Puma, Serrano, and Noah against Betsy Galagher, Lexi Gold, Diana, and Stella Jade. It’s a four-on-four tag team match.
Serrano maintains his blank expression for a few moments, before a smile begins to form on his face. He then bursts out into laughter as if Guy has just told the funniest wife joke in his repertoire. He continues to laugh until tears well up in his eyes and it takes him several moments to catch his breath so that he can respond.
SERRANO POBLANO: Wait a second. We just went to war with The True Society and Big Drip Worldwide, some of the top competitors in the business, and they’re booking us against four broads? I mean, what’s the punchline? I could handle four chicks on my own! Not only that, but with Uncle Larry at ringside, they’ll totally be distracted by his charm and good looks!
MEANWHILE, AT THE WELLS FARGO ARENA…
Larry has leaned back in his chair, his eyes closed and a smile on his face. A light fapping sound is nearly undecipherable from the sounds of Pornhub playing on his phone.
LARRY KACHOW: That’s right…call me Uncle Larry you dirty bird…
BACK AT METHODIST HOSPITAL…
SERRANO POBLANO: So yeah, those four chicks won’t stand a chance. Percy may be out of action…we may be a little banged up…but The KaVengers are still an elite team! We have the skills…we have the knowledge…and most importantly, we have the power of friendship! Everyone say it with me…KAVENGERS KASSEMBLE!
Rapture has turned his back to Serrano and put in a pair of earbuds to listen to the latest Horror Movie Podcast, Noah has passed out after being force fed his second beer, El Puma left two minutes ago without anyone noticing, leaving only Guy to respond.
GUY: Yeah…well…I've got a thing so maybe I’ll see you guys at the arena or something. Let me know if you hear from Percy. Until then I’ll be…um…washing my hair or something.
With that, Guy rises from the table and departs. With a satisfied nod of his head, Serrano grabs two more slices of pizza and continues to chow down…
SERRANO POBLANO: Sweet…more for me…
THE END?!?!?!?!
SERRANO POBLANO: I don’t know about you guys, but this is like heaven. If I’d have known all we had to do to get cafeteria access was to get injured, I would have hurt myself long before getting inside that Wargames Cage.
NOAH HOPE (through his bandages): Mmmf mm mffm mm.
RAPTURE: Having that fork pierce my skull may have been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Just then, the three men are interrupted by the arrival of Guy and El Puma, the first of which is carrying several boxes of pizza and the other a case of Coronas. The alcoholic beverage, not the virus. Although it is a hospital, so you never know.
GUY: WHAZZUP?!
RAPTURE: WHAZZUP?!
EL PUMA: QUE PASA?!
NOAH HOPE: MMM MMFF?!
SERRANO POBLANO: WHAZZUP?!
Guy and El Puma join their friends at the cafeteria table, sliding the pizza and beers toward the center. Serrano doesn’t hesitate in opening up the first box and grabbing a slice with each hand. Rapture grabs a pair of beers and then pulls a shockingly sharp bottle opener from one of his pockets. After popping the tops, he pulls the bandages away from Noah’s mouth and pushes the bottle to his lips as if he’s feeding a baby.
As the men start eating and drinking, it soon becomes obvious that there is an awkward quietness between them, as if something is missing. Finally, Guy breaks the silence.
GUY: Soooo…have you guys heard from Percy?
His question elicits a round of depressed expressions from the rest of the KaVengers.
SERRANO POBLANO: No. His leg was pretty bad, so they sent him to a different hospital. They wouldn’t even let me ride in the ambulance with him.
RAPTURE: Yeah, none of us have heard from him since The Crowning.
The awkward silence returns, as if the four men have nothing to talk about without Percival Burque to unite them with his undeniable aura of friendship.
Finally, Guy speaks up again.
GUY: What about KaChow? Surely, he’s stopped by.
Serrano shakes his head in the negative as he swallows a mouthful of pizza.
SERRANO POBLANO: Nah, but if I know Uncle Larry, he’s probably out scoring with the chicks.
MEANWHILE…
Larry KaChow sits in the front row of the Wells Fargo Arena in Philadelphia, scrolling through the newest Pornhub content on his phone. He is completely unaware that The Crowning ended a week ago as a long string of drool hangs from his bottom lip.
LARRY KACHOW: Daddy likey…
BACK AT METHODIST HOSPITAL…
GUY: So, uh, El Puma and I got a gig on The F’n Edge this week since Julius is locked up in a nuthouse. Turns out we’ve been scheduled for a match on Proving Ground this week.
We can see Noah Hope’s eyes widen in terror as Rapture sets down the empty beer bottle and immediately shoves a second one between his bandages.
SERRANO POBLANO: What?! Already? We haven’t even been cleared yet! I mean, the staff keeps telling us that we have to leave, but I don’t think that’s the same as clearing us to compete. Who are we scheduled against?
GUY: It’s supposed to be me, El Puma, Serrano, and Noah against Betsy Galagher, Lexi Gold, Diana, and Stella Jade. It’s a four-on-four tag team match.
Serrano maintains his blank expression for a few moments, before a smile begins to form on his face. He then bursts out into laughter as if Guy has just told the funniest wife joke in his repertoire. He continues to laugh until tears well up in his eyes and it takes him several moments to catch his breath so that he can respond.
SERRANO POBLANO: Wait a second. We just went to war with The True Society and Big Drip Worldwide, some of the top competitors in the business, and they’re booking us against four broads? I mean, what’s the punchline? I could handle four chicks on my own! Not only that, but with Uncle Larry at ringside, they’ll totally be distracted by his charm and good looks!
MEANWHILE, AT THE WELLS FARGO ARENA…
Larry has leaned back in his chair, his eyes closed and a smile on his face. A light fapping sound is nearly undecipherable from the sounds of Pornhub playing on his phone.
LARRY KACHOW: That’s right…call me Uncle Larry you dirty bird…
BACK AT METHODIST HOSPITAL…
SERRANO POBLANO: So yeah, those four chicks won’t stand a chance. Percy may be out of action…we may be a little banged up…but The KaVengers are still an elite team! We have the skills…we have the knowledge…and most importantly, we have the power of friendship! Everyone say it with me…KAVENGERS KASSEMBLE!
Rapture has turned his back to Serrano and put in a pair of earbuds to listen to the latest Horror Movie Podcast, Noah has passed out after being force fed his second beer, El Puma left two minutes ago without anyone noticing, leaving only Guy to respond.
GUY: Yeah…well…I've got a thing so maybe I’ll see you guys at the arena or something. Let me know if you hear from Percy. Until then I’ll be…um…washing my hair or something.
With that, Guy rises from the table and departs. With a satisfied nod of his head, Serrano grabs two more slices of pizza and continues to chow down…
SERRANO POBLANO: Sweet…more for me…
THE END?!?!?!?!