The Promised Land Playhouse: Episode Four
Feb 27, 2022 13:03:04 GMT -5
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Post by Mister Wright on Feb 27, 2022 13:03:04 GMT -5
Episode Four
"Bicycle Safety"
We open up on the interior of The Promised Land Playhouse as we seem to almost always do. At least, when it's a regular episode. It's been a long time since we've been in the Promised Land Playhouse and it still looks as happy and cheerful as it ever has. The fun and games seem to never end or at least that's the vibe that's given off by this place.
It takes a moment or two after the usual introduction fades out before the host of our show finally makes his appearance. The door to the Promised Land Playhouse opens wide and in hops Mister Wright!
As per usual, Mister Wright's rocking one of his crazy sweaters. This time it's a pink one with a bunch of black skulls sprinkled across the front of it. A closer glance reveals that those skulls are spelling out the word: HI. He's wearing black pants and a pair of pink and white sneakers that just help to bring this whole little outfit together.
Mister Wright's got his hands behind his back as he decides to greet us all.
"Hi Everyone!"
He's always so happy. It's probably off-putting. Nobody's ever always this happy.
"Listen. I know you're all probably pretty mad at me. I haven't been around the Playhouse much lately. And I know you all are counting on me to be there for you and help you learn and play. But before you get too upset, I want you to know that I brought you something. Well, I brought us something. It's super special and I think you're really going to like it."
Mister Wright is going for the playful suspense here.
"And if you do me a favor and close your eyes, I promise I won't ever leave you all alone for that long ever again. Do you think you can forgive me?"
Of course we forgive you, Mister Wright! You're our bestest pal!
Granted, we can't exactly say that to him because this is all recorded but at least there's an opportunity for Mister Wright to apologize.
"Thank you so much, everyone! I really appreciate it! So. Do you want to see my super cool surprise?"
We're definitely all nodding our heads for this.
"Alright! Close your eyes!"
Somehow we're all probably closing our eyes but if you're actually going to cheat and peek, you'll find that there's nothing but a black screen happening. Guess that means somebody put the lens cap on or something. Immersion is important in the Promised Land Playhouse.
"Okay..."
Mister Wright sounds like he's shuffling or moving something around.
"Open Says Me!"
The darkness fades away like a pair of eyes opening and standing there with a huge smile on his face is Mister Wright holding out his hands. In his hands is the Friendship Falls (formerly known as) Noble Championship!
"WE DID IT!"
Mister Wright tosses the (formerly known as) Noble Championship up onto his shoulder and just continues beaming his way in the camera. He's so excited.
"It was a really fun time playing with all my new friends and now that I'm the Friendship Falls Nobl--"
DING DONG!
Mister Wright's interrupted by the sudden ringing of the Promised Land Playhouse doorbell. Which, of course, sounds so fun that it probably shouldn't actually be a doorbell. Still, though, Mister Wright looks a little confused.
"Who could that be?"
Mister Wright shifts the (formerly known as) Noble Championship on his shoulder as he turns around to answer the door. Granted, this is the Promised Land Playhouse so there's no need to check and see who it is first. Nothing bad actually happens in this neighborhood.
"Samantha Sunset?!"
Mister Wright sounds incredibly excited and surprised to see this woman! Whoever she is. Maybe he'll introduce us!
"Hi Mister Wright!"
Mister Wright looks way too excited by the person that has decided to show up at The Promised Land Playhouse at this exact moment. He opens the door even wider to let all of us at home see the MILFtastic woman that comes bouncing in with her biking outfit on and an envelope in her hand.
Mister Wright turns around to talk to us.
"Hey everyone, look, it's Samantha Sunset! She's our totally fun and totally awesome next door neighbor! Say hi everyone!"
HIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Samantha grins and leans towards the camera a bit to talk to all of us. Definitely not to show off the cleavage that her low-cut outfit is designed for.
"Hi Everyone!"
Mister Wright slides back into frame because the camera man might be getting a little too distracted.
"So, neighbor, what brings you by? Did you need me to lay some more pipe down?"
Samantha blushes while Mister Wright clears things up for us.
"Her house has a serious plumbing problem."
Suuuuuuure, Mister Wright. Sure.
"No no, the pipe you laid down last time did the trick." Samantha grins and looks down at her hand to remind herself. "I came to bring you this! I think they delivered it to my house by mistake!" She holds it out to Mister Wright.
Mister Wright does a double take. "A letter?! For me?!" Mister Wright grabs the letter and takes a look at the address. Yup. It says Promised Land Playhouse right across the front. "Crazy Cucumbers! it is IS a letter for us! Let's see what it says!"
Mister Wright tears his way through the envelope and tosses said envelope over his shoulder with a goofy sound effect to accompany it. He unfolds the letter and looks up with a big grin, "It's from Project Honor!" And then he's reading the letter mostly to himself. There's all kinds of mumbling and whispering as he gets to the good part. "... blah blah oh! Okay, it says that the Noble Championship," Mister Wright points to the belt slung over his shoulder. "Will no longer be called the Noble Championship. In fact, because it is such an important championship to Friendship Falls that they feel that it should be allowed to be personalized by whomever holds it!" Mister Wright looks up. "That's me!"
"That's you!"
Cheering all around from Mister Wright and Samantha Sunset. Also, you people watching at home better get some cheering in too. This is a very special moment and you all get to witness it.
Mister Wright pulls the (formerly known as) Noble Championship off of his shoulder and looks down at it with a fondness in his eye.
"Wow. This is a super special moment, gang. Golly Gumdrops, I have no idea what to even call..." Mister Wright is stopped in his own verbal tracks. Above his head a light bulb appears and lights up. There's a playful 'DING!' that accompanies it and everything. Mister Wright really sells it because this is the kind of thing that happens in the Playhouse.
"I think this belt means something. Something special. I went out to Friendship Falls to make some new friends and I didn't go alone. I took all of you with me. You all were right there beside me when I earned this belt. This title. And since you all, the entire Playhouse Gang, are my friends... I think we should share this. It belongs to all of us."
Mister Wright holds the belt up and over his head so that we can all see it.
"The Playhouse Championship."
As Mister Wright speaks those words, the (formerly known as) Noble Championship seems to shift and twist in its shape and form. The Question Mark centerpiece spins and morphs into a slightly distorted House shaped centerpiece. On the plate that appears above the centerpiece emblazons the words: PLAYHOUSE CHAMPION and on the plate underneath comes: MISTER WRIGHT.
Let's just have a moment to take this in. It's official. Mister Wright is the First Official Playhouse Champion.
"Congratulations, Mister Wright! That belt looks really neat!" Samantha Sunset grins.
Mister Wright tosses the new Playhouse Championship onto his shoulder. "Thanks, Samantha! Would you like to stay and celebrate with us? You're more than welcome!"
Samantha looks absolutely terrified for a brief second but a cut of the footage makes her all better! See, nothing to worry about! Just an editing mistake, obviously.
"I really wish I could but I have to walk my new bicycle to the shop to get it fixed so I can learn how to ride it!"
Mister Wright does a double take. "Oh, Samantha, you don't have to take your bicycle to the shop to get it fixed..."
Samantha blinks with confusion. "I don't?"
"Of course not!" Mister Wright pops up from off screen with a hardhat, tool belt slung around his waist and holds up a tool box. "I can fix it for you!"
Samantha giggles, "Oh, I wouldn't want you to bother. You have all your friends over..."
Mister Wright waves a hand dismissively, "Pish Posh Oh My Gosh! My friends don't mind if we get our hands a little dirty. Especially if we're helping out another friend!"
Mister Wright refuses to hear any more arguments and ushers Samantha Sunset through the Promised Land Playhouse door and we follow right along until we end up in the driveway.
Samantha holds her hands out proudly, like a Will Smith meme, as she presents the bicycle she walked over here, "There she is!"
Mister Wright's smile fades from his face as he sees the bicycle. It's a mess from the first glance. A short, raggedy, barely held together mess that is clearly in need of any kind of love. TLC's not going to cut it with this one. The pink and brown color scheme is bad enough without the rusted joints and chipped paint all over the shortest bicycle in bicycle history. It has certainly seen better days as the pigtailed streamers gang crustily from the handlebars. The tires are pretty flat, the pedals are broken, and the most obvious thing wrong with this bicycle is that the chain is completely off.
Oof.
"Mister Wright? Everybody? This... is Savannah!"
Mister Wright forces a smile and it looks like it actually pains him to try and find something nice to say about this bicycle. "Wow, Samantha. It's um... definitely a bicycle."
Samantha Sunset grins and watches as Mister Wright moves over to inspect the bicycle. "It's okay. I know she doesn't look like much. She's a little worn out."
Mister Wright's running his fingers across the banana seat and the damn thing almost falls off in his hand. "Yeah, she's uh... pretty loose."
"Well, she's been in the neighborhood for ages. She's been ridden by almost everyone!"
Mister Wright takes a second to just look up at us and shake his head. Not going to say a word. Instead, he just leans down to inspect the bicycle's banana seat, since it was coming loose. That's when he realizes that some things have been written on the seat.
We're going to need to take a look at these...
Yes? No? Maybe? Circle One.
M. Bishop
I Paid For My Ride In Diamonds.
A. Holt
Freak In The Streets, Demon In The Sheets.
J. Long
Stuck In The Dryer Again, Huh?
N. O'Connor
ACKNOWLEDGE ME
T. Entity
Careful. She Doesn't Ride Straight Anymore.
S. Lyon
Ride Of My Life.
B. Bennett
"Yeah, I can see she's been around the block a few times." Mister Wright has to peel his eyes from the seat because the messages just seem to keep going and going and going. "I'm surprised she still works."
Samantha looks slightly sad. "Yeah, she's pretty beaten up. But she's got it where it counts. At least, I think. I've never even had a bicycle before so..."
"Uh Oh! Mistakey Wakey!" Mister Wright looks up at Samantha Sunset with a bit of an overplayed serious look on his face. "I think I found the problem."
Samantha Sunset seems to still be talking, "... and I don't even know if I even know how to ride a bike so..." Mister Wright's words finally catch up with her, "I'm sorry, what?"
Mister Wright grins. "The problem. I think I found it." Mister Wright motions for us all to come a little closer and he lifts the dangling chain up with a single finger. "Looks like ol' Savannah here is... Off The Chain."
There's a music sting that pretty much shakes Samantha Sunset to her core for a moment. There's a gasp and everything. Then she realizes she doesn't know what that even means so, "What is that? Is that bad? Can you fix her?"
Mister Wright finally drops his toolbox down to the ground next to the bicycle. "Of course I can! I'll have her back between your legs in a jiffy!"
So this is the part where we kind of move into the more creative editing space of this whole deal being a television show because we never really get to see Mister Wright actually fixing the bicycle. Instead, we get to see time kind of lapse while Mister Wright gets to work. The very first thing he holds up is a roll of duct tape which he yanks on and dives towards the bicycle.
"We should probably talk a little bit about Bicycle Safety, Samantha! Just to make sure you're ready to ride!" Mister Wright's voice carries from down below the camera's shot as pieces of duct tape and chicken feathers fly up and around. "One of the most basic rules of Bicycle Safety is that you need to Protect Yourself. A bicycle, while fun, can be incredibly dangerous under the wrong circumstances. So make sure you're always wearing protection when riding Savannah. Trust me, it'll save you in the long run."
Mister Wright pulls out a long slinky red dress and starts working with that on the bicycle as he continues, "Here's an important one. Make sure your bicycle fits. Too big or too small and that could lead to any number of accidents." Mister Wright grabs a plunger next. "Don't worry, if you find that you and your bicycle are not a great fit, things can always be adjusted."
Mister Wright holds up a box of tissues, "Which brings me to my next tip. This one's a biggie. Check your equipment." Mister Wright starts shoving tissue down off-camera onto the bicycle. "Before use, make sure you check for flatness. You don't wanna' be riding around on a couple of flat ones especially if you can't bring a spare." Mister Wright's now holding a tube of lipstick. "Oh and this one is very important. Check the seat. Make sure it's comfortable. You're going to be on this thing for as long as you're having fun so make sure it's the right size for you. Check everything from softness to thickness to shape. If something doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to not use it. You can always find a better seat."
A quick shot of Samantha Sunset shows her on her phone. Either she's taking notes or checking Instagram. Who knows. This generation is distracted easily.
Mister Wright's holding a step stool in this next moment, "And last, but certainly not least, we have one more very important rule." The sounds coming from below sound so much more complicated than what fixing a bike chain must sound but at least something's happening. "Control your bicycle." Mister Wright holds up a glass of milk and pours it out of frame. "Don't let it get away from you. Sometimes it's going to want to move faster than you want, so brake it. You're in control here, not Savannah." Mister Wright tosses the empty milk glass over his shoulder.
"That goes for all of you out there too." Mister Wright's talking to us now and it seems like he's very focused. So much more intensely than he usually is. Almost creepy. "Listen to Mister Wright." A glitch in the sound design makes his voice distorted and echoed for a moment. "Don't Lose Control." There's a weird hum that follows the words as they are repeated through the echo chamber of reverb. "Stay Focused." Mister Wright's smile is almost sinister for a moment. "Mister Wright Knows Best."
Thankfully, that weird glitch is over and Mister Wright's happy face is leading the way as he pops himself up into a standing position. "Okay, Samantha! Close your eyes!"
Samantha Sunset is pulled off her phone by the sound of Mister Wright's exclamation. The phone gets put into her pocket and she throws her hands over her eyes. "Okay! Ready!"
The bicycle's still out of frame but we can see Mister Wright rolling it to a spot in front of Samantha Sunset. Mister Wright takes a step back and he looks over towards us. "Hey! You guys too! This is a surprise for everyone!"
There's some reluctance at the darkness that covers our vision but it soon becomes clear that everyone has their eyes closed except for Mister Wright.
"Ready?"
"Ready!"
Ready!
"OPEN 'EM!"
It looks like we open our eyes at the same time as Samantha Sunset because we're all treated to the sight beyond sight. There's a brand spanking new bicycle sitting in front of Mister Wright! It's a combination of pink and purple, looking ever so newly washed and pristine in its flavor. It's about as sleek and sexy as a bicycle can be. No more crusty pigtail handlebars as there's now some curvature marking it very clear that this bicycle is a serious ten speed. The seat is plump and firm, looking pretty 'thicc' as the children say these days. It's super obvious that this is an entirely different bicycle but that's just how The Promised Land Playhouse magic works.
"Mister Wright?!" Samantha Sunset looks both amazed and shocked by everything that's happening right now. It's completely insane! "What did you do?! This looks AMAZING!"
"I told you I could fix it!" Mister Wright looks pretty playfully smug. "I made it a lot better!"
Samantha Sunset leaps at Mister Wright to give him a big hug! This only lasts for a moment though because Samantha Sunset is back over at the bicycle to inspect it.
"This is insane. I love it. She's so much cooler than she was. I don't even think I can call her Savannah anymore. That was such a tired name." Samantha taps her chin as she seems to be in a thinking mode. There's even a soft tick-tocking jingle playing while she tries to think it up. "I think I'll call her... Persephone!"
Mister Wright does a double take. "As in the Queen of the Underworld?" Mister Wright makes a face but just reaches over to close his toolbox. "I mean, if you want to court death..."
Samantha Sunset collides with Mister Wright with another hug of gratitude. "Thank you so much, Mister Wright! This is going to be so much fun!" Samantha Sunset starts to try to climb onto Persephone but it's a bit of a wobbly process.
Luckily, Mister Wright is right there to hold the bicycle steady though. "Now don't forget what I said about Bicycle Safety, Samantha."
Samantha Sunset is too busy paying attention to how pretty her bicycle is. "I won't!" She has no idea what he just said.
Mister Wright sighs and just hoists up a huge pink bicycle helmet and shoves it down on Samantha's head. "Protection." Mister Wright wags a finger. "Be safe."
Samantha Sunset nods. "You got it, Mister Wright! Thanks again!"
Mister Wright finally lets go of the bicycle and goes to pick up his tool box.
"Bye Mister Wright! Bye Everyone! Have a Playful Day!"
"Bye Samantha!"
Mister Wright waves at Samantha Sunset before turning back towards us. He's focused on looking in our direction and is oblivious to whatever's behind him.
"Now that we've done our Good Deed of the Day, maybe we should go back inside! We still have fun to have!"
We, on the other hand, get to see everything.
Samantha Sunset struggles to figure out how to pedal on this bicycle. Obviously, she wasn't paying attention. She does try to pedal awkwardly in the direction of her house, which is only next door. However, things don't exactly go that way as her inability to ride straight and Persephone takes her right off the curb and down into the street. Where she gets completely demolished by a speeding school bus! The big yellow bus barely slows down as Samantha splatters and Persephone crunches.
Mister Wright is oblivious as he scoops up the rest of his tools, "Are we ready?"
We can't even answer because what's going on in the street, right there on the corner of Make and Believe, has to be shocking, doesn't it?
The yellow bus has the words St. Patrick's Private School printed on the side. A short and thin redheaded bus driving lassie comes hopping off the bus, wearing some annoyingly huge sunglasses. "OI THERE! YEE IN DEE WAY OF ME LUCKY CHARMS!" She just keeps yelling at the body (or what's left of it) of Samantha Sunset but we don't get the luxury of seeing what else happens because Mister Wright is leading us back into the Promised Land Playhouse.
As Mister Wright passes by us and we follow him back toward the Playhouse, we can see the flat spinning wheel of Savannah the Bicycle peeking out of the large orange dumpster next to the Playhouse. The dumpster also happens to be on fire.
We can hear ambulance sirens in the distance as we had back through the Promised Land Playhouse doors and put ourselves into our usual position.
"BOO!"
Mister Wright pops up from below with a huge grin on his face.
"Looks like I've got good and bad news, everyone." Mister Wright sighs as he hoists up the Playhouse Championship back onto his shoulder. "We didn't really get to celebrate our new Playhouse Championship today since we were helping out our neighbor."
Awwwwwwwwwwww!
"But! I don't plan on not being Playhouse Champion for a very, very long time! So we'll have plenty of time to play! How does that sound?!"
We can all live with that, right? We're going to have to.
"Now, I hope you all learned something today about Bicycle Safety. They can be super fun and easy to ride but if you're not careful, you could find yourself in a real dumpster fire or even, I dunno, thrown under the bus!"
There's no way he's making that comment! Too soon!
"Just remember that no matter how much fun you might think your bicycle is, it is and will always be, just a toy. Something here for your entertainment. Use it properly and you'll never have to worry about who to call for a good time. And that, my friends, is a Promised Land Playhouse Promise!"
Mister Wright offers a sad grin as the Time To Go music sting happens.
"Well, that's all the time we have for today! Be sure you take your vitamins, be careful out there and remember... You Can't Make A Friendship Omelette, Without Breaking A Few Heads!"
Mister Wright's sinister grin returns for just a moment and then he switches back to his normal happy-go-lucky visage.
"Goodbye!"
Fade to Pink.
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