Protest III: Levy, Ratman & The Burning Bush
Feb 23, 2022 13:24:16 GMT -5
Ratball Slade and Giovanni like this
Post by levy on Feb 23, 2022 13:24:16 GMT -5
New Demands on Johnny Levy’s Roadmap To A Better Future:
(Updated 02/23/2022, 11:57AM CST)
Project: Honor must immediately stop booking Johnny Levy in tag matches with partners they intend on firing before the show date.
Savannah Sunshine is hereby limited to one romantic partner per fiscal quarter, retroactive to 2020. Considering the length of her hit list since then, she is not allowed to be in another relationship until Summer 2044.
Mr. Wright must immediately be given a shot at the Legacy Championship. He’s actually a nice guy, probably the one decent human being on Fallout.
Mark Hunter needs to set a single goddamn foot on a Fallout show because Billy Bennett just wants to talk to him for a while, honestly, just go see her Mark.
Arik Holt immediately reinstated as General Manager of Fallout because ain’t nobody trying to watch that shit without him at the helm. Seriously the one legitimate draw on that entire goddamn brand, and you’re going to remove him? This some bullshit.
Christian DeMarco must be forcibly sent to a three-year long detox and rehab program, and after that just keep his ugly ass away from the cameras please.
Existing Demands on Johnny Levy’s Roadmap To A Better Future:
MORE LEOVANNI FANFIC FROM WHOEVER IS WRITING THIS BRILLIANCE
NO FALLOUT OR EX-FALLOUT ROSTER MEMBERS ALLOWED ON PROVING GROUND OR WITHIN VENUES WHERE PROVING GROUND EVENTS HAVE TAKEN PLACE
AT LEAST ONE JEWISH FORMER CHILD ACTOR CHAMPION WITHIN THE COMPANY AT ALL TIMES
BILLY BENNETT'S PHONE NUMBER
INDY DARLING MUST PERSONALLY AND VERBALLY COMMIT TO ENDING RACISM
KAY FLOCK INDUCTED INTO THE ROCK N' ROLL HALL OF FAME
BRING BACK CURT 'MR. PERFECT' HENNIG TO STYLE ON ALL THESE FUCKING VANILLA MIDGETS RUINING THE BUSINESS
AN ASSORTMENT OF FRESHLY BAKED BAGELS AVAILABLE BACKSTAGE
PROVING GROUNDS MUST CHANGE THEIR NAME TO 'THAT LEVY SHOW'
FIRE T.J. PRICE AND HAVE THAT MOTHERFUCKER SELLING USED CARS, THE GODDAMN RUBE
ALL FURTHER PROJECT: HONOR EVENTS MUST START WITH A FULL RENDITION OF 'FIDDLER ON THE ROOF' STARRING JOHNNY LEVY AS ALL ROLES
FURTHER DEMANDS TO BE ADDED LATER
(Updated 02/23/2022, 11:57AM CST)
Project: Honor must immediately stop booking Johnny Levy in tag matches with partners they intend on firing before the show date.
Savannah Sunshine is hereby limited to one romantic partner per fiscal quarter, retroactive to 2020. Considering the length of her hit list since then, she is not allowed to be in another relationship until Summer 2044.
Mr. Wright must immediately be given a shot at the Legacy Championship. He’s actually a nice guy, probably the one decent human being on Fallout.
Mark Hunter needs to set a single goddamn foot on a Fallout show because Billy Bennett just wants to talk to him for a while, honestly, just go see her Mark.
Arik Holt immediately reinstated as General Manager of Fallout because ain’t nobody trying to watch that shit without him at the helm. Seriously the one legitimate draw on that entire goddamn brand, and you’re going to remove him? This some bullshit.
Christian DeMarco must be forcibly sent to a three-year long detox and rehab program, and after that just keep his ugly ass away from the cameras please.
Existing Demands on Johnny Levy’s Roadmap To A Better Future:
MORE LEOVANNI FANFIC FROM WHOEVER IS WRITING THIS BRILLIANCE
NO FALLOUT OR EX-FALLOUT ROSTER MEMBERS ALLOWED ON PROVING GROUND OR WITHIN VENUES WHERE PROVING GROUND EVENTS HAVE TAKEN PLACE
AT LEAST ONE JEWISH FORMER CHILD ACTOR CHAMPION WITHIN THE COMPANY AT ALL TIMES
BILLY BENNETT'S PHONE NUMBER
INDY DARLING MUST PERSONALLY AND VERBALLY COMMIT TO ENDING RACISM
KAY FLOCK INDUCTED INTO THE ROCK N' ROLL HALL OF FAME
BRING BACK CURT 'MR. PERFECT' HENNIG TO STYLE ON ALL THESE FUCKING VANILLA MIDGETS RUINING THE BUSINESS
AN ASSORTMENT OF FRESHLY BAKED BAGELS AVAILABLE BACKSTAGE
PROVING GROUNDS MUST CHANGE THEIR NAME TO 'THAT LEVY SHOW'
FIRE T.J. PRICE AND HAVE THAT MOTHERFUCKER SELLING USED CARS, THE GODDAMN RUBE
ALL FURTHER PROJECT: HONOR EVENTS MUST START WITH A FULL RENDITION OF 'FIDDLER ON THE ROOF' STARRING JOHNNY LEVY AS ALL ROLES
FURTHER DEMANDS TO BE ADDED LATER
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The scene opens up to the sight of Johnny Levy - dressed in raggedy old Biblical robes, but not the sweet Jesus kind, the sort that Moses wore when he was climbing that mountain to get the Ten Commandments, you know that movie probably - scaling up a mountain side. The incline is almost impossibly steep, and he crawls forward with hands and knees as he continues towards the peak.
The rain is hard and heavy, stinging his exposed skin as the wind conspires with the downpour to batter his face with moisture. Like tears in the… well, rain I guess.
Also the rain is falling in slow-motion because Zack Snyder probably consulted on this promo. Levy’s got them connects, you know how it be.
As he climbs, his mind travels back to his childhood; the pressure of success ubiquitous in every moment of his youth. The reporters. The interviews. The long days spent on-set. The sleazy producers and morally questionable co-stars.
Yes, Johnny Levy plans on doing some character development on this one. Being sent to Fallout to fight two brain-damaged goons is the perfect opportunity for the man behind Levy to actually drop some heat, for once in the actor’s entire Project: Honor career.
He’s going to bury the BFG Division by pointing out all their flaws, their failures, and their ridiculously over-aggressive style of cutting promos.
That is, until he finally reaches the peak of the mountain, and catches sight of a burning bush. Here is where it would be described in detail, but unfortunately Levy - and everyone involved in the making of this promo - has never actually read the Bible so who knows what this supposed bush looks like? Is it an Elm? A Maple? Some kind of Olive tree, considering this is supposed to take place in the Middle East?
Who knows.
Anyway, the bush is burning; and above it, a shadowy, shifting figure that probably looks a lot like Ratman, because Ratman is fucking dope and incredibly over for some inexplicable reason (jk we all know it’s cuz he’s super cute and adorable and AAAAAAAHHHH PROTECT RATMAN).
“Oh, we hallucinating now?” asks Levy to nobody in particular as his eyes fall upon the burning bush and the twisting vision of Percival Burque, “The hell is this, a Billy Bennett promo? Fuck outta here with that shit.”
And then, the fiery Ratman opens his mouth to speak.
“Sorry, Levy, I wouldn’t even bother. You see, it seems you’re going to have to take the L on this one again. Nothing personal, but we just hate you and want to see you fail. So yeah, that huge 6,000 word promo you had planned to bury Liz and Michael? Maybe save it for a match you have a chance in.”
“Fuck. Alright, bet. We out this bitch.”
Throwing some gang signs at each other for a full five minutes to properly say ‘goodbye’, the Biblical prophet Ratman and Johnny Levy eventually nod in mutual respect before the Jewish actor turns around to climb all the way back down the mountain, without even cutting the promo he’d intended.
Wow.
The protest continues.
The protest continues.
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