Post by Alyssa Grace on Feb 1, 2022 23:46:40 GMT -5
'Power is the mother of greed.'
'And what is power?'
'...That's always been the million-dollar question.'
Alyssa’s world is eerily steady as she draws the dark eyeliner a little thicker on her lower lash-line, She likes it bold and unflinching; framing scathing hazel-eyes that can cut down into your very soul. These vivacious orbs can coax nefarious secrets and hidden desires with just one single piercing glance. It's power working at its finest; both unadulterated and pure.
With her onyx-lined weaponry she can tear down hearts -- worlds even. And she's painfully aware of it.
It's an undeniably euphoric feeling.
After all, nothing is more reassuring than knowing you hold such immense power within the concaves of your ethereal gaze. It's a sensation the girl can't help but find fanatically addictive even as she stands there in her hotel room. The television plays highlights of the careers of her friends- opposition in this bout but Alyssa isn’t paying attention, she hasn’t been for a while now. She’s found herself lost in this absurd torrent of increasingly useless thoughts. She's not entirely sure of how to combat this sudden battering -- it's erratic, terrifying and chaotic.
For a moment, she smiles at the mirror. This delicate upturn of her scarlet lips is unbearably genuine; tinged with unmasked sincerity. In this one moment, her demeanour is entirely eumoirous -- poignant with both unearthed truths and incontrovertible authenticity.
Right now, it’s like she can see everything.
All worlds. All paths. All people.
In a literal sense, she can. Multiple devices play multiple matches, segments and highlights from the past, it’s impossible for her to pay attention to everything and she isn’t even pretending to but the overstimulation from everything happening at once is what her mind needs right now, she needs a distraction.
She understands it all.
Knows it all.
The entire world's fate lies in the palm of her hand. Destiny is ready to be toyed with by nimble artist's fingers, vivid eyes and a girl with a twisted mind.
Except the girl can never bring herself to actually move and enforce or simply employ any of her supposed power because she doesn't know it all.
Not really.
How can she know it all when she doesn't know herself?
The girls' own world had always been locked and bolted. Shut tight even to her -- this worlds' supposed beloved performer.
Maybe that unbreakable blindness is why she never once notices the way her eyes seem so lost and wary. Even when lustrous orange locks try so fervently to hide the imperfections, they still pierce through, but she never notices. In that same way, she never notices how her mind seems to shift constantly, even as she merely sits there, contemplating uncertain impossibilities. Lithe legs feel as though they're liable to give in at any moment, yet, against all odds, they stay steady and so does she.
For now, at least…
- - -
The game is something that you can play to win, to survive, or be forced to play into for nothing's sake, but it can't ever be ignored or easily disregarded. Not in this world, where even the heavy-hitters can be made to be nothing more than simple chess-pieces to manipulate and turn in just one swift move. For a shot at greatness, anything is possible. And to cheat the game's players is an easy task for anyone smart enough to shuffle and utilise the cards that exist at their disposal. The knowledge is always there, the terror as well- it's scandals, money and sins that the players use to deal themselves in and to ruin others in felled swoops. For, what constitutes as nightmares for others are merely tools and opportunities for another to utilise. It's a maze of bloodied ends and mistrust from all corners, but there are no escapes for those who walk through this hell's doors.
Though, there is an abundance of shortcuts to be used and abused.
This is the world where crime and business rule side-by-side as the main assets and tools to deal with in man's zealous pursuit for power. Alyssa learned a long time ago that nothing is ever as it seems. The world she knows is a place where you can thrive at one moment's pass and still just as easily die by a brethren's eased hand by midnight's chime, with not a word or whisper gone-by of who caused the shot to fire. The roll of luck and loss is what rules everyone. Of course, the hands that are dealt are never equal but they can be easily stolen, snatched and manipulated to be more.
It is normal for the ones that rule in one day, to be made a mere carcass in the next instance; that's just the game and craze of this world. This world is a bloody place that can't be easily escaped by anyone, no matter if you play as pawns or the kings and queens of the game. On this board (a board that's far too big to ever comprehend) you can only roll the dice and move the pieces in tactical contemplation by day, shift the cards and wait to see the results. Whether it's your turn or not, you choose whether to thrive, survive or suffer the dire consequences of your own inaction. After all, it's all too easy for another to steal what cards you hold in a game where there are no rules. It's your choice, your move, your smarts that decide your way.
A gamble can be made to oust your entire lot from the game in /permanent/ ways. Or, your own gamble can save you.
There are many ways to win, even more, to lose, but even victories don't guarantee safety.
All the playable routes are winding and steep, the victories are something that you have to keep clasped tightly in your hands. The sins are things that can't ever be stopped even when the money comes and the flats turn to palaces. As the attacks only ever increase tenfold the closer to victory that one becomes. To lose means death, but to win is never any better. And yet, victory is still all that everyone in this sinner's world craves to gain and /keep/. The throne is bloody from all the rulers that have sat there and from all the blood that's been shed to reach the gold-lined throne.
Though, there is an abundance of shortcuts to be used and abused.
This is the world where crime and business rule side-by-side as the main assets and tools to deal with in man's zealous pursuit for power. Alyssa learned a long time ago that nothing is ever as it seems. The world she knows is a place where you can thrive at one moment's pass and still just as easily die by a brethren's eased hand by midnight's chime, with not a word or whisper gone-by of who caused the shot to fire. The roll of luck and loss is what rules everyone. Of course, the hands that are dealt are never equal but they can be easily stolen, snatched and manipulated to be more.
It is normal for the ones that rule in one day, to be made a mere carcass in the next instance; that's just the game and craze of this world. This world is a bloody place that can't be easily escaped by anyone, no matter if you play as pawns or the kings and queens of the game. On this board (a board that's far too big to ever comprehend) you can only roll the dice and move the pieces in tactical contemplation by day, shift the cards and wait to see the results. Whether it's your turn or not, you choose whether to thrive, survive or suffer the dire consequences of your own inaction. After all, it's all too easy for another to steal what cards you hold in a game where there are no rules. It's your choice, your move, your smarts that decide your way.
A gamble can be made to oust your entire lot from the game in /permanent/ ways. Or, your own gamble can save you.
There are many ways to win, even more, to lose, but even victories don't guarantee safety.
All the playable routes are winding and steep, the victories are something that you have to keep clasped tightly in your hands. The sins are things that can't ever be stopped even when the money comes and the flats turn to palaces. As the attacks only ever increase tenfold the closer to victory that one becomes. To lose means death, but to win is never any better. And yet, victory is still all that everyone in this sinner's world craves to gain and /keep/. The throne is bloody from all the rulers that have sat there and from all the blood that's been shed to reach the gold-lined throne.
This is a wicked world of sin, pain and greed where only the crafty and wilful can survive.
Alyssa’s world is eerily steady as she draws the dark eyeliner a little thicker on her lower lash-line, She likes it bold and unflinching; framing scathing hazel-eyes that can cut down into your very soul. These vivacious orbs can coax nefarious secrets and hidden desires with just one single piercing glance. It's power working at its finest; both unadulterated and pure.
With her onyx-lined weaponry she can tear down hearts -- worlds even. And she's painfully aware of it.
It's an undeniably euphoric feeling.
After all, nothing is more reassuring than knowing you hold such immense power within the concaves of your ethereal gaze. It's a sensation the girl can't help but find fanatically addictive even as she stands there in her hotel room. The television plays highlights of the careers of her friends- opposition in this bout but Alyssa isn’t paying attention, she hasn’t been for a while now. She’s found herself lost in this absurd torrent of increasingly useless thoughts. She's not entirely sure of how to combat this sudden battering -- it's erratic, terrifying and chaotic.
For a moment, she smiles at the mirror. This delicate upturn of her scarlet lips is unbearably genuine; tinged with unmasked sincerity. In this one moment, her demeanour is entirely eumoirous -- poignant with both unearthed truths and incontrovertible authenticity.
Right now, it’s like she can see everything.
All worlds. All paths. All people.
In a literal sense, she can. Multiple devices play multiple matches, segments and highlights from the past, it’s impossible for her to pay attention to everything and she isn’t even pretending to but the overstimulation from everything happening at once is what her mind needs right now, she needs a distraction.
She understands it all.
Knows it all.
The entire world's fate lies in the palm of her hand. Destiny is ready to be toyed with by nimble artist's fingers, vivid eyes and a girl with a twisted mind.
Except the girl can never bring herself to actually move and enforce or simply employ any of her supposed power because she doesn't know it all.
Not really.
How can she know it all when she doesn't know herself?
The girls' own world had always been locked and bolted. Shut tight even to her -- this worlds' supposed beloved performer.
Maybe that unbreakable blindness is why she never once notices the way her eyes seem so lost and wary. Even when lustrous orange locks try so fervently to hide the imperfections, they still pierce through, but she never notices. In that same way, she never notices how her mind seems to shift constantly, even as she merely sits there, contemplating uncertain impossibilities. Lithe legs feel as though they're liable to give in at any moment, yet, against all odds, they stay steady and so does she.
For now, at least…
“It's an undeniably strange feeling -- understanding everyone except yourself.” Alyssa brings the half full glass in her hands to her lips and takes a sip of the clear liquid. Vodka. Straight. Strong. She doesn’t wince even though the alcohol leaves a burning sensation in the back of her throat and considering Alyssa doesn’t really drink despite the stereotypes surrounding her people, this comes as a slight shock to her. She lets out a hollow laugh before sighing, the glass still in her hand.
"Somedays, like today, I wonder who I am. I wonder what I want out of life, I question my goals, intentions and dreams. I contemplate where my path will lead, I ponder how to get to the very top and when it gets bad, I debate whether or not I’m meant to just exist instead of live. I thought I had all the answers but here I am, stuck feeling like I’m trapped in some kind of vortex. Sometimes it feels like that no matter what choices I make, I’m doomed to repeat the same mistakes I have made before and end up with little to nothing. Professional Wrestling is my muse, it has been the chance I’ve needed my entire life to make something of myself, with or without the support of my family. In every federation I’ve graced with my expertise, in every match I have had the pleasure of having, I have tried to be the very best but I haven’t got very high, have I? I won’t beat around the bush, I want more. Even if my resume was stacked with world championships, I’d be sitting here telling you the exact same thing.. I want more.”
“This isn’t anything new though. The fact I have a hunger that will NEVER be satisfied is one of the many things that has set me apart from the rest of the flock since day one. I'd like to be my old self again but I'm still trying to find it. Looking through the glass I can almost see her, the ghost of the girl I used to be. Not a change, but a redo. And so it begins, through my trials and tribulations, I am reborn."
"Do you hear me loud and clear?"
"Good, because this isn’t a decree…"
"… it’s a warning.”
A small smirk appears on her lips but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, she sounds and feels fired up but not to the degree you’d expect considering Alyssa is preparing to walk into not one, but two matches on the same night, one of those potentially being an incredibly dangerous ladder match. If you look hard enough, you can see she’s exhausted and barely with it. There's been too much on her mind to function like a regular being but she’s trying.
“Alas, I know not to run before I can walk so let me get the first obstacle in my road to becoming the Ascension Champion out of the way now, that’s right, I’m talking about Julius Foulweather.”
Alyssa chuckles before rolling her eyes and cracking her neck, she takes a deep breath and continues.
“I could sit here and complain about the situation I currently find myself in but that isn’t my style, is it a little unfair that my spot in the main event isn’t guaranteed like it should be? Absolutely. But life isn’t fair and as a firm believer in earning what I believe I deserve, I am not sweating this much, I have overcome far greater odds in the past. Plus.. in my eyes, this just reaffirms that I am more of a threat than what people care to admit. How come Savannah and Michael are just given a place that people would literally kill for and I’m not? Why do I have to work that little bit harder to be in the main event when everyone and their mother knows what I am capable of? As unfortunate for me as this may be, I suppose it makes sense to place a dangerous pain in the ass like myself against Julius but if my opposition later on in the evening of February 3rd believe that I’ll be softened up after my bout with Mr. Foulweather, they’ve got another thing coming to them."
"I don’t believe people are taking me as seriously as they should be, a tiny part of me is under the impression that people haven’t been doing that since I showed up here so it isn’t foolish of me to presume that Julius is going to do the same. I am confident in saying that Julius doesn’t see that who he is facing is a woman that is not only scorned but looking to find her place back in this world and doing it with one simple solution… to win. I have almost forgotten what it feels like to want something this badly, not just for myself but for my career, I have lost a handful of matches that I shouldn’t, trying to find my footing since what.. September/October of last year? All I have done is fall short of expectations not so much in wins or losses… but importance and prominence. I should be the big bad I was long before I ever worked here, and so now I patiently wait for my turn? No, I take it one step at a time and this next one is huge. I can acknowledge that. I do comprehend that when Julius steps into the ring and is motivated, it is a treat for everyone, it is rather special but I wonder if he wants to win this or if he just wants to hurt me."
"It may sound rather crazy but I am kind of hoping for the latter."
"Why? I want a mad Julius, I want a motivated Julius, I want a Julius that wants to pull the upset and kick my ass. I want to battle with the Julius who Savannah Sunshine, Jason Long and Michael Bishop can think will defeat me, where they will fill their heads up with the hope that I don’t make it to the main event because if (when) I do, it’s game over for them. That is the man I want and need. I’m not going to try and make this bout personal because I have no reason to, I won’t try and sever Julius’ head as I actually find him rather enjoyable, fucking nuts but enjoyable nonetheless.. but what he will learn is that this is my life. As pathetic as it may sound to some of you, it is all I have. There isn’t a single person in this world who will take this from me and this week I must do what I have always done.. win no matter what."
"Julius, this will only make you better. The fight will be brought, the passion will be there, even if just to look good in front of the crowd. There will be moments when some may think you have a chance, but I will end those fast and yes, showcase a taste of things to come in the eyes of the three already in the main event. Do not take this personally, this is our business, or at least mine. After this, I’ll make sure the dream of becoming a star is still existent… but defeating Alyssa Grace is just never going to happen. The last thing anyone wants in this world is an Alyssa Grace that feels slighted, that feels as if she has a point to prove, as if her back is up against the wall. It’s bad enough that I have titles, records, accolades and everything dangling in front of me already. When you stack the deck the best you can to disadvantage me, it only inspires me greater. If last Fallout wasn’t enough, then this match and the opportunity that dangles before me will be a rather sound shot across the bow of those who continue to live in peak ignorance of just who the fuck I am."
"Until the bell rings and I am declared victorious, I will be no sweetheart, just a cold-blooded killer, a heartless girl with heartless motives, the kind of girl who has a special, unspoken kind of wickedness burrowed into my veins and mischief left heady in my gaze. I think that so far, my in-ring work has already proven that I am far beyond the average competitor in terms of skill and mastery, including Julius. I don't even think that he could ever successfully convince himself that he is on the same level as I am, regardless of how many years it's been since you've made that squared circle home. I am more than capable of getting one over on him, and he should know damn well that's the case. My work speaks for itself. I am the self proclaimed hardest worker in every room I step in and ANYONE is welcome to challenge that. I already know where I belong: the main event. I’ve said it before: there isn’t a soul dead, damned, or alive that could make me doubt or question my own authority when it comes to sharing the same stage with some of Project Honor’s most established stars, for better or for worse. One way or another, I’m going to turn this entire company upside down, ten times over if I have to--whatever it takes to propel myself to the top.”
Alyssa has always been the kind of girl that screamed madness. A wild one that kept herself buried in discovery and exploration, that rejoiced in the new and unique and constantly sought to surpass her limitations. Large parts of her desired escape from this boring world that could never quite keep up with her, lost in a search to find someone or something that could satiate her boredom. She sought to incite something consuming inside herself. The girl who liked the excitement and enjoyed power, deceit, games had now found herself in a constant search for more to be hers.
“The Dark-Half. The part of your psyche that has no filter, it shows no remorse, it plays into the hand of the sadomasochist and primal desires in each of us. Don’t deny its existence, we all harbour these feelings somewhere within the workings of our brains, some are just more willing to let it out than others. I like to think that I have been the woman that every single one of your mothers warned you about, a presence that can only be described as very unpredictable. Within the snap of a finger I can be the most beautiful creature anyone has laid their eyes on, or I can turn into a rampaging beast. I might not showcase that side of myself as openly as others do but I never abandoned that part of me, it has just stayed sort of dormant until called upon, but looking back at what has transpired recently, the losses and the performances I have had?"
"Maybe I haven’t tapped into it enough.”
The redhead takes a smaller sip of her drink this time, she is far from falling into intoxication but she isn’t as sober as she once was. Perhaps she would regret showing the world this side of her at a later date but she’d rather be completely transparent and include the ugly as well as the nice than be a liar who pretends to be fine all the time.
“I don’t wear rose coloured glasses and pretend that what is really happening around me is not worthy of my attention. There are those who choose to ignore the warning signs, they become very comfortable in their surroundings and they begin to think that nothing will affect them. I am talking about the windows of opportunities closing. How long before this place gives up on me? When will management finally say, “Alyssa had her shot to make it big and failed again?”, ringing in my ears until I become lost in translation and I’m reduced to someone that no one gives a shit about? My name is mentioned, no reaction. My matches are aired, no one cares and watches and there isn’t a single person that can be bothered to take a peak and listen to my words."
"I will not sugar-coat this for you Julius and for anyone who may be listening, I am very desperate, and this desperation makes me extremely dangerous."
"I don’t want to become like some of these other bottom feeders who have existed here for so long and already became the butt of all jokes, get a label placed on me that I was a “Never Was”. But do not get it twisted Julius, my desperation is not going to define who I am. I’m going to defeat you because I am better, bottom line. You haven’t walked in my shoes, looking at the size of your feet, mine are probably five sizes too small but that’s all semantics. There is no way that you possibly can understand the struggles that I have had to face, where a woman like myself has taken so many steps forward and then violently pushed back ten steps behind, and it is frustrating. I’m not like the rest of these cunts who make excuses and try to hide the fact they have not lived up to their potential. Yes, I am a little pissed, but not disgruntled, insulted but not defamed, disrespected but not forgotten and that is what keeps me above water. Julius you have merely drawn the short straw, I won’t gaslight you, you would have had a great chance in the main event, if you didn’t have to cross me."
"But you do have to cross me so your chances are non-existent, those are the facts."
"I’m not asking you to just lay down and hand this win over to me easily, but don’t for a second even entertain the thought that I am not or will not be capable of putting you down. I have shed enough tears, yelled enough profanities, punched enough walls and fallen to my knees enough wondering why my moment has happened yet and I refuse to do any of those things again."
"When I say I’m moving on to the main event and taking that Ascension championship for myself, I’m not manifesting some fairy-tale ending or continuous endless hope, I’m saying the narrative that won’t ever die."
"Why is that?"
"Because Julius, it never was yours to kill.”
Alyssa glares into the camera, she doesn’t flinch or move a muscle, as her eyes narrow, showing absolutely no emotion, ready to do whatever it takes. It dawns on her what, who, is next and for the first time, her frown is noticeable. Like the rest of her family, Alyssa tends to dare her demons to take her on just as much as she casually challenges her angels to stop her forever tempestuous rages, it is a hard pill for her to swallow, in fact she’s nearly choked on it multiple times but the truth always has been that neither good nor evil rests within her heart; insanity does. Power flares deep within Alyssa’s shadowy bloodline, she comes from a family of manipulative, deceitful, business men and women but as time goes on, she’s come to realise that those currently around her aren’t much different than the people she ran away from.
And that sucks.
Sure, Alyssa’s life is far from bad but it isn’t always as good as what people believe either.
It isn't fair, it isn't her fault, but that doesn't matter. She wasn't raised as a normal child and it ruined her especially with how everyone refuses to see the truth of the tale. No one taught her how to process her emotions, to regulate them properly and that was only one mistake. They let her lash out and indulged in her acting as she pleases, so that's all she knows how to do even now. It doesn't matter that her actions are the learnt behaviour of an isolated person surrounded by people who can never tell her the truth. Just like every child, all she did was believing the adults around her and now it's become her fault for being 'silly' enough to believe those lies and react as she had.
Carefully, she begins to smear the eyeliner with a now trembling thumb, letting the black liquid smudge without a hint of remorse. And then she looks back into the mirror. Her eyes glaze over and she laughs; deliriousness clear as her dulcet tones pierce through the bitter silence, like a knife cutting through thick air.
However, when the first darkened tear falls, she rushes to wipe it away and the laughter pauses momentarily.
Her moment of weakness is over.
“Savannah..” Alyssa begins softly, her voice trembling a tiny bit. She’s doing her best to remain calm, she’s doing her best to remain composed but she isn’t exactly hiding the fact that she’s struggling to do so very well. “Fuck you Savannah.”
“You make this world a miserable place. You make things such an impossibility to enjoy. Sulking and bitching and moaning about imperfections and the shitty things that happen to you on Twitter because you think that you are entitled to perfection in this world is something that I truly can’t understand. I cannot wrap my head around the levels of selfishness, the levels of ego, the levels of absolute arrogance someone needs to have in order to believe that and I cannot wrap my head around the fact I’m supposed to see you in a different light because you’ve become everything you once hated and aligned with True Society."
"You are not remotely different to who you were before all of this."
"You’re still the same Savannah Sunshine."
"You’re still a whiny fucking cunt."
"You’re still a joke."
"Nobody really changes on a whim. Nobody really pivots from who they were into something entirely different. The façade may change, it may have a new splash of paint, it may have a new edge or two to it, but behind that façade is the same old dump that stood rotting away. And we’re all like that. No matter what way we feel as if we’ve changed, no matter what we say or how we try to act, eventually the truth, the reality of who we are begins to seep out."
"Hell, I never even really changed after my loss to you and any other prick that I should’ve put away with ease, it was just my focus and ambition that shifted, but never my attitude or raw self. If we want to pretend for a second that you’re suddenly, miraculously different from who you were despite failing to do that for the majority of your career, I’ll gladly break you back down. You can ask what I have won in my time here, but what about you? All you’ve got is a Noble Championship reign that lasted a very impressive seventeen days. I’d argue that your victory against me on a random episode of Fallout is bigger than that since you love to bring it up all the damn time which says more about you than it does me and it really makes you look rather tragic."
"You are nothing but a possibility."
"You are everything I will not let myself be.”
Alyssa shakes her head softly, her attitude towards Savannah is the complete opposite of the one she had the last time the two ladies squared off. Things are just now way too complicated. She can’t be nice. She just can’t be.
“It’s not like I had any expectations for you either. They’ve always been rather low. The more I learned about you, the more our paths crossed, the more I realised that there was never anything truly special or unique about you. Just someone who has done enough in their life, who does enough in the body of their work to give the illusion of being talented. Beneath the surface? It’s dull. It's uninspiring. It’s shambolic. And that stock just gets lower and lower and lower and lower. But why would my opinion matter to you? Whether you choose to see value in it or not I can assure you that I’m not the only person who holds this same view. Nobody can legitimately listen to you and think that you’re not fucking cooked as shit…unless they coddle your fragile ass each time your public image gets a scratch or two, now that Jason isn’t around to do that, you’ve got Billy to do it for you I guess."
"Unlike you, I don’t publicly humiliate myself by airing my dirty laundry. Yes, I do actually feel a little bad for you because I’ve seen first hand just how rough times have been for you as of late but my god you really don’t help yourself. It’s like you shoot yourself in the foot and blame the person who gave you the gun to do so. I don’t stomp my feet like a bratty fucking child who doesn’t get their way, unlike you I’m a professional. Your holier-than-thou stance is crumbling the more you hop on Twitter to post a sad anime GIF that no one cares about after losing a battle of words, trying to make everyone feel sorry for your dumb cunt ass. No, I don’t complain, unlike you. I actually improve and I don’t need to turn my back on the world to do so. I actually go out of my way to accept my failures, accept my losses, accept the low points in my life and career and do more than just bitch and moan to someone who doesn’t give a fuck about your problems. I - like the greats in this business - look to succeed in spite of my setbacks, in spite of my flaws. Unlike you, I’m realistic. Unlike you, I’m far more grounded in reality of what can and will happen. Because I’m exceptionally reassured about my future. I’m more positive about who Alyssa Grace is and who she is going to be. Who you think you are, who you want to be and who you actually are, the person I see when I dig just deep enough, when I exploit just the right point, are entirely different. You can’t control yourself! You can’t control who you truly are. The person that you want everyone to believe that you are, that you’re desperately trying to portray to the world, even now, is fading."
"It’s cute what you did though. The whole joining True Society shit."
"Desperate times call for desperate measures and a miniscule part of me admires the fact that you’ve done something so stupidly bold in hopes it’ll save what’s left of you and your career, but it’s not going to give you what you want, this alliance isn’t going to give you what you need and the sooner you realise that, the better."
"Actually, the sooner True Society realises they have no genuine use for you, the better."
"Do you think these people genuinely care about you Savannah? Do you really believe that you are something special to them.. something valuable? If you do, it wouldn’t be the most foolish thing you’ve done so I wouldn’t be all that surprised but it’s something I can get a laugh out of anyways. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but they don’t care. No one does. That’s just life. No one really cares. They’re going to chew you up, spit you out and move on like nothing happened and you’re just going to let it happen because like a leech, you feed on any amount of attention anyone is willing to throw your way. You’re dependent on it, you crave it, you need it. When I say this, I don’t intend to be malicious, instead my words come from a place of care believe it or not. Without attention, you’d be forced to face uncomfortable truths, if you’re left alone, god knows what would happen! It’s a thought you cannot bring yourself to even entertain because it terrifies you that much, why else do you keep interacting with whatever the hell Jason is these days? Breakups are hard, I understand that. It’s not easy to just move on from someone you once loved, especially when you loved them so much you were planning on marrying them but girl, get a goddamn grip! You’d rather subject yourself to emotional torment that no human, yourself included deserves, from that.. creature knowing full well it’s going to upset you than be alone and left to your own devices. You’re breaking your back for people who wouldn’t even notice if you disappeared tomorrow."
"That’s really sad."
"It’s borderline fascinating to watch you just…exist in this world. It’s fascinating to see no matter how many times people just straight up beat the ever loving piss out of you verbally (and physically too) you retain this arrogance, this delusion of being remotely close to having any kind of edge. It’s fascinating to see how you feel you can speak with such confidence and bravado, with a perspective despite never actually earning any stripes. It’s extremely easy to see why you go all out for matches like this. It’s extremely easy to see how desperate you get whenever someone dangles an opportunity in your face. It’s hilarious to see you rush out like a basic bitch trying to impress people. Like, the cute little ‘effort’ angle died a long time ago for you and nobody is ever really impressed at how you waste away here. Because listen, you’re well and truly past the crossroads where you stop being the stupid cunt who doesn’t learn from her mistakes and instead learns to embrace proving herself legitimately and honestly. But that doesn’t mean you can’t backtrack and realise why you’ve been this stagnated loser for so long. You’re desperate to keep pace with everyone, you want to try and match creative strikes with some horrific edgelord blows and you can’t come even remotely close to hitting the mark. It’s why I have no intentions in wasting my time with you any longer."
"Perhaps it’s time to realise that you remain the common denominator each and every time your momentum in life comes to a halt. Why is it, that despite the setbacks everyone experiences, is it you that this happens to so often? Why is it, that despite everything everyone experiences being so similar, why is life so harsh towards you? Because you’re cunt. Because you’re a miserable cunt. Because you’re a pathetic cunt. Because you’re a cunt who expects nothing but pure perfection in their treatment when the reality is that cannot happen. You’re an egotistical cunt who can’t understand that at times the world isn’t going to tip in our favour. Because you're an ignorant cunt, who believes she’s that special, that unique that she should always be given that care. A precious cunt, who will falter and stagnate herself if she has even the slightest of pushback, if the pendulum swings ever so slightly to anyone else’s favour."
"I hope you lose this match for multiple reasons. Because you’re entitled and don’t deserve it. Because you’re ungrateful and don’t deserve it. But mainly because I want to see if you’re going to perform the same act. I want to see if you’re going to validate everything I’ve said about you. I want to see whether or not I’m right in believing that you’re too high on your own fucking unjustified worth to this world to cope with defeat. Your momentum, all that you’ve built up these last few weeks, would vanish in an instant and to watch you crawl into a fucking hole and hopefully perish would be incredible to watch. And ultimately, the reality will settle in, the reality being that despite your greatest efforts to be this big, bad and evil bitch, you still wouldn’t have changed one bit."
"And you never will."
"You don’t know how to change Savannah. You don’t know how to truly change and become a better person, an improved person. Instead you live and die by your flawed perception and can’t bring yourself to recognise those flaws. You are weak. You are a mental midget. Whether it’s four months, one year, two years, three years or a decade, your hubris will always be your downfall and that is a downfall that I will enjoy each and every time. There’s only so many times you can keep spinning this narrative of how you were the victim of some unfortunate circumstance, how you were hard done by your surroundings, by your opponents, by the powers that be…until you’re just re-treading the same old ground you’ve torn up in your efforts to deflect all responsibility for your struggles. It’s why no matter what comes next, what happens on Fallout, you and I aren’t in the same conversation and you will spend more time having to look up at me sitting on thrones that you desperately wish to occupy. It doesn’t really matter how much you’ve committed, how hard you’ve worked, I truly couldn’t give any sort of fuck about that stuff. I don’t pretend like it’s relevant, I don’t pretend that it’s meaningful. If you can’t beat me this time round, if I derail your momentum, then it’s because you’re…just not as good as I am. It’s because you….just didn’t rebuild yourself up that little bit more to stand equal to me. I’m better at every single fucking thing that involves this sport and beating you isn’t anyone’s fault other than your own. Not this company’s for putting me in your way before this big moment, the grand finale of this absolutely fucking pathetic attempt of a ‘rebuild’. And not me for just being too fucking much for you to keep up with."
"You suck, Savannah."
"Your talent is like.. okay levels. It’s whatever. Overrated a little bit and nowhere near the standard of what it takes to make it far. But whatever, talent is one thing. But the lack of mental fortitude? Jesus Christ. Like I don’t know what I need to say here to make you realise how so, so sad this is. You are weak."
"And I love feasting on weak people."
"So go ahead and keep running your mouth, keep screaming and shouting to the world that you’re going to beat my ass, if you say it loud enough, if you repeat it over and over and over again, maybe someone will believe you."
"In the meantime, I’ll continue preparing to give you something that’s worth crying about online.”
Alyssa sighs sadly, finishing the rest of her drink and then pulling herself to her feet to get another. She pours the rest of the bottle of vodka into the glass, swirls it around and merely stands for a few minutes. She hadn’t intended to become so spiteful and harsh but her emotions had gotten the better. “Fucking hell.” The redhead mutters to herself, running a hand through her hair and then falling silent for a handful of minutes.
“Got a bit gloomy and doom back there, didn’t I?” The laugh that slips past her lips isn’t genuine and Alyssa frowns when she remembers that she’s currently alone in her hotel room, there’s no one to talk to no, no crowd to perform before, no eyes on her, nothing but her, a bottle of empty vodka, a tv that had gone into standby mode and a camcorder that had been recording for goodness knows how long. “But let me talk about something a little more positive, a man involved in this match who is the complete opposite. ” Alyssa shoots a knowing smile in the direction of the camera. “That’s right, I’m talking about Michael Bishop.”
“I said it the last time we were involved in a bout together and I’ll say it again, Michael Bishop is one bad motherfucker, that isn’t up for debate. Whilst it may not make sense to most of you, I have to do what I’m going to do to Michael because I wholeheartedly respect the things he has done for this business. To be the best, you have to beat the best, right?”
“They say idle hands are the devil's playthings and if you don’t strike while the iron is hot then you’re liable to get burned yourself. Adversity is a bitch, ain’t she? More often than not in this business, we find ourselves placed in positions where the choices we make are vital, to me there are very few grey areas because when does half assing shit work in someone's favour? Pretty much never.”
“Some people live for those moments and they thrive in intense situations. There is no cap on what they can do or what they can achieve and they refuse to take no for an answer. Others, dare I say most people will crumble under the pressure when push comes to shove, they lose control of their senses, their decision making fizzles out and everything comes undone. There’s a fine line between taking the ball and dropping it. If there was an easier way, believe me, people would be riding it out until they die but there just isn’t. Maybe it’s better that way because it reveals the true colours that people are made of but nobody wants their true colours exposed to the masses for fear of scrutiny, fear of their reputation turning to shit and fear of betrayal by their loved ones among other things. It’s crazy to think about the amount of contributing factors, whether massive or miniscule that complete a person’s make up. Everybody has something they keep under wraps and when those secrets are unveiled to the eyes of the world, all of the skeletons come dancing out of their closets in unison with a smile on their face because they’ve been covered in layers of dirt for so long, but it’s the way we handle adversity that separates the adults from the child. You can either tuck your tail and run for the hills, which as I said, most people will opt to do, or you can rise up like a phoenix from the ashes and stare your demons dead in the eye.”
“I’ve never shied away from conflict but the tallest task in front of me is not Julius, it’s certainly not Savannah, it’s not Jason and it isn’t Michael either, it’s myself. I won’t cower from the cold hard facts nor will I spin a tangled web of lies and excuses to fit my own narrative; my life recently has been a double-edged sword where on one end, I’ve had my fair share of victories but I’ve also swallowed the taste of defeat and I’ve endured the harsh lessons and subsequent aftermaths of two or three major fuck ups on my resume depending on who you ask. This isn’t about feeling sorry for myself, this isn’t about the trials and tribulations of what a woman goes through in this industry, this is the truth that I am forced to face every time I look into the mirror. I don’t seek pity as a result nor do I yearn for an easy way out. What I want to do is redefine the current status quo and the only way to do that is by slaughtering anything and anyone that stands in my way.”
“I’m not looking to make things personal with you Michael, not now and not ever to be perfectly honest with you, 99.9% of the time, I operate strictly on business and in some ways, you should be thankful I’m not going to make our inevitable clashing anything more than it has to be. I’m just going to do what I have to do to you, not what I want to do. This is a matter of survival. I’ve been involved in high stake matches similar to this, I’ve won matches similar to this and whilst that certainly doesn’t guarantee me a victory on Fallout, it means I have a little more knowledge in regards to what it takes to walk away from this the winner. There comes a time where you have to put will before skill and my flame will never truly die, even if right now it isn’t as bright as what you or many others are used to seeing, it is still burning. This tale doesn’t end well for you Mike. A chronicle of pure heartache rewritten through different chapters yet the core of the story remains unmoved - where Michael Bishop dunks his head in championship waters and fills his lungs until he drowns at the bottom of the ocean. The same old song, the same old tune, the same old dance, the same result over and over again. You’re stuck in no man’s land, where few tread for very long and it’s only a matter of time until you crack hard under pressure. Like me, you have a lot to prove with this match and I’m sure you’re looking forward to trying that and capturing the gold… but that won’t come at my expense. While you’re wanting this opportunity so badly, I want it just as much if not more. And usually, when those rules are set, there are no limits to what each and every one of us will do to come out on top.”
“I swear up and down that I truly want people to achieve their goals and dreams, but not at my expense. At the end of the day, I have to put my moral ethics to the side and remember that once that bell rings, you, just like everyone else, are insignificant to me.”
“You’ll become faceless and nameless. I will not pity any of you and I’m going to win. End of story.”
“Downing the likes of you, Savannah and Jason is going to be my culmination, it’s going to put an end to a nightmare that has followed me around for far too long.”
“The Ascension Championship will be my pièce de résistance.”
Conflict suddenly washes over Alyssa’s countenance as she realises what, who, is next. The champion himself. Jason Long. One of her closest companions, an individual who she’s grown to have so much love, admiration, respect and care for. The best saved until last.
“Jason.” Her tone of voice is quiet and gentle, she speaks as if he’s in the same room as her and they’re sharing a drink or two as they catch up or offer advice. Her expression is troubled, she sits and thinks of all the good memories the two have together, she thinks about their bond and how she can’t imagine what her life would be like without it.. and then her face falls flat. Her emotions just.. vanish as Alyssa thinks of what he is today, she thinks of how off put she has been and continues to be by his recent actions, she thinks of how she doesn’t know if she actually knows him at all and everything feels.. easier. When she opens her mouth to continue speaking, her voice is now flat. “Who am I kidding, it feels wrong to even call you that.”
“You’re not Jason. Well, you're not the Jason I knew anyways. You may look like, sound like and occasionally act like him but you’re not him. You’re not the man I know, you’re not the man I care about, you’re not the man I put on a ridiculously high pedestal, you’re not the man who I credit for helping me adjust to life here in the States, you’re not the man I’ve shared many great adventures with, you’re not the man I once lo-”
Alyssa stops herself, shaking her head sadly and just gazing off into the distance. What was the point of reminiscing on the “what could have beens”? What was the point of her even daring to think about the past, the connection, the chemistry, the genuine friendship they had built up when it was clear as day he couldn’t give a flying fuck about it? Usually Alyssa was excellent at moving on from the things her opposition had to say about her in promotional material. In the wrestling world, it wasn’t exactly uncommon for people to say just about anything, no matter how accurate, degrading, scandalous or disgusting just to get a reaction so the insults Jason.. or the other Jason had thrown her way had little to no effect on her. Being called nothing special, useless, bound to fail etc etc? Child’s play. Alyssa had heard it all and worse before so that wasn’t what had been troubling her.
It was what had been revealed before that she had been thinking about.
She couldn’t shake it, no matter how hard she tried to. It was wrong for her to even think of because a large part of her didn’t believe shit that came out of that things mouth, he was playing mind games with her, tricking her, taking advantage of the soft spot everyone knows she’s got for the real and long gone Jason, of course he was, why wouldn’t he do exactly that?
But what if he was telling the truth?
What if- “Never mind. The point I’m trying to make is this, you are nothing but a collapsing god complex.” She chuckles, trying to free herself from the shackles of the thoughts of the emotionally complicated situation she found herself in with Jason, just this once, Alyssa opted to comfort herself with a lie instead of face the truth.
“And maybe that’s for the best.”
“Perhaps it’s best I don’t have to interact with what once was, perhaps it’s for the best I get a close look at the steady deconstruction of a tainted entity.”
“You’re a twisted creature who treats others as toys to play with or discard as you please, whenever you desire. But there's more too, it’s desperation, coupled with fearsome wishes for eternity. Everything that you can get your hands on, you want, but even so there's always something missing beneath the surface. You’re a two-faced coin that's slick with a venomous poison slathered into your every nook and cranny. You are truly the kind of person that provokes as much disgust as you do awe from the casual onlooker. The few untouched ones that see you up on the throne of blood you’ve crafted with all your wasteful advantages and casual toying about for the worst of purposes are all quick to be confused by your existence.”
“Blood cakes your heart, carnage cakes your soul. Filth blurs your vision and greed slits compassion’s throat, a puppeteer pulls your strings, your head, your mind, drowning you in crimson tar. The sins cling to you as morning dew does to the flora. There is no righteous, no heroic. There is War and there is you and in the end it’s one of the same. There is no silver lining, only the underbelly to evil. There is no Divinity.”
“Is there?”
“You’re a man so full of power, but something more sinister too. Far from perfection, you are someone that displays an uncanny fickleness and this clear inclination towards cruelty. Like the vengeful gods of the old tales, in you resides this innate need for control to be only yours for the taking. When the control isn't yours, the crash comes. You splinter and tear into little pieces that scream of burdensome wants and desires for the only thing that you’ve ever known to come back to you with its calming miasma suffocating you, just as much as it comforts. Loss.”
“To put it bluntly, you Jason Long, are an ineffable tragedy.”
Her grip on the glass of alcohol on her hand tightens, her knuckle almost turning snow white, her voice raising and sinking in volume, she’s yet to yell but god she’s close to her breaking point. She’s angry, confused, upset and tired. She’s a mess and she doesn’t know who or what to blame.
“You’re a child that was never quite allowed to grow up. A boy never shown how to be more than what others proclaim of him, moreover you were never taught to actually learn from the error of your ways or your mistakes. You’re too indulged by the broken system that celebrates you as someone far above the cumbersome mortals. The truth of your tragedy is that you don’t know how to see it. It's there in the little things that separate you from normalcy. You’re the one who could put your hand into a hot fire and will learn to blame the flames for hurting you.”
“Silly tyrant entity was born into a role of underserved superiority. Knowing nothing, you get yourself knocked down again and again until there's nothing else for you to do. You will only dust yourself off with spite and vengeance laced far into your eyes, before stopping. A darker fall into the shadows that surround her, you’re left insatiable amidst the nightmares and the scary real-world that you don’t know how to handle. Unfixable. That’s what you are.”
“Maybe that’s what all of you are.” She spits, grip on the cheap glass somehow even tighter now, the ornate item suddenly smashes with one beautifully destructive act. Alyssa savours the carnage with everything she has, losing herself in it, but she still despises it with everything in her. Fragmented crystal-like shards fall to the ground in tandem with the frantic beating of her pounding heart. She giggles even when she desperately tries to gather the fractured pieces and with them some semblance of her life, only causing her own blood to spill in neat flowing lines. She winces and lets out a string of curse words, but makes no further attempt to fix the problem.
“Allow me to give you a life lesson in what is going to happen here so that maybe you can even comprehend it just a little, what you are doing is stepping into the ring with a Buzzsaw. I’m not here to play games, there is a purpose and a reasoning to where I need to be in 2022, you don’t have to care or even want to be a part of it, that is all up to you, yet it will not change a damn thing because if it was you or anyone that stepping into the ring with me come this week, the same fate awaits them no matter what, and that is where you need to realise and foresee that what you have done, what you have said to me in the past has only added more gasoline to a raging fire and now the forest is burning down all around you. Look into my eyes bitch and listen to my words closely. It didn’t have to be like this, but what I see is nothing more than a caricature who hit the panic button after each loss, trying to change everything about himself when you never needed to change a damn thing!”
“What I plan to do is welcome you into another level of pain, one that even the goriest of horror movies will compare to the horrors that I have planned. I will perform my due diligence and simply carry out my cruel intentions, do exactly what I was put on this planet to do and one by one gain my spot at the very top of the business and allow for everyone else to witness that what Alyssa Grace has in store for this entire brand and the whole company is one thing… chaos. But what you fail to see is that chaos without a purpose is only an accident waiting to happen, it is why your head is that purpose, your body is that purpose, this match is that purpose to once again remind the entire company what I am capable of and who I was once is back in full form and no one will stop me while four wrestlers in one night will try to beat the shit out of me for the opportunity to become the new Ascension Champion, I will have your head or anyone’s that decides to step in front of me on my mantle for the entire world to see on display.”
“And then Jason, maybe you will get the life lesson that no one these days seems to grasp and instead fails miserably at attaining… loss is loss…”
“Being alone in the silence isn’t so bad, it teaches you things. You learn about yourself and the tolerances that you’re willing to undertake. These past few days have given me peace and with that I have been able to find a level where I feel comfortable. You are probably wondering what in the hell am I talking about, so I’ll put it simply, I know who I am and as I have searched deep within my soul, into my heart and I stand here now a more educated individual for I know my limits.”
“What are those you ask?”
“I don’t have any.”
“Julius, Savannah, Michael and last but certainly not least, Jason.. listen closely. I will not yell. I will not scream. I will only do as I say.”
“Can you hear it now?”
“The spilling of your blood and the cracking of your bones.”
“Music to my ears.”
The angel on Alyssa’s shoulder is here now, staring at the chaotic scene of abstract destruction with horror-struck eyes, wanting nothing more than to save her. On the other side, the demon on her shoulder stands, eyes welcoming with not a hint of judgement present. Maybe, that's because, in the end, it's always the demon that understands what it feels like to fall the most…
But somehow the angel is always the one that tries to catch her. No matter how futile it might seem to unaware outsiders, the good half of her always tries because she believes she’s worth it, that she’s worth everything. The demon, however, helps her come to terms with the fall.
Demons rarely try to save people, because sometimes falling IS meant to be your salvation.
Alyssa swallows harshly, her mind spinning almost rhythmically, in tune with every step her shivering body manages to make. Wrists throb painfully, in tandem with her beating heart. Tiny shards of glass are lodged into her fragile skin, breaking the thin barrier and allowing blood to spill freely, but her head is held inexplicably high. Despite the tears, her eyes are strong and hard. That's what scares her angel and demon the most -- the strength that's always present within her, never dwindling or lessening, always steady even if it's perpetrator and owner isn't.
Her eyes brighten exponentially when that familiar tugging hits. Soon her orbs flutter shut, breath hitching as memories unlock, a flip switching inside of her.
It might've taken a while but she finally knows who she is now.
She's Alyssa Grace: and she is the motherfucking Queen.
"Somedays, like today, I wonder who I am. I wonder what I want out of life, I question my goals, intentions and dreams. I contemplate where my path will lead, I ponder how to get to the very top and when it gets bad, I debate whether or not I’m meant to just exist instead of live. I thought I had all the answers but here I am, stuck feeling like I’m trapped in some kind of vortex. Sometimes it feels like that no matter what choices I make, I’m doomed to repeat the same mistakes I have made before and end up with little to nothing. Professional Wrestling is my muse, it has been the chance I’ve needed my entire life to make something of myself, with or without the support of my family. In every federation I’ve graced with my expertise, in every match I have had the pleasure of having, I have tried to be the very best but I haven’t got very high, have I? I won’t beat around the bush, I want more. Even if my resume was stacked with world championships, I’d be sitting here telling you the exact same thing.. I want more.”
“This isn’t anything new though. The fact I have a hunger that will NEVER be satisfied is one of the many things that has set me apart from the rest of the flock since day one. I'd like to be my old self again but I'm still trying to find it. Looking through the glass I can almost see her, the ghost of the girl I used to be. Not a change, but a redo. And so it begins, through my trials and tribulations, I am reborn."
"Do you hear me loud and clear?"
"Good, because this isn’t a decree…"
"… it’s a warning.”
A small smirk appears on her lips but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, she sounds and feels fired up but not to the degree you’d expect considering Alyssa is preparing to walk into not one, but two matches on the same night, one of those potentially being an incredibly dangerous ladder match. If you look hard enough, you can see she’s exhausted and barely with it. There's been too much on her mind to function like a regular being but she’s trying.
“Alas, I know not to run before I can walk so let me get the first obstacle in my road to becoming the Ascension Champion out of the way now, that’s right, I’m talking about Julius Foulweather.”
Alyssa chuckles before rolling her eyes and cracking her neck, she takes a deep breath and continues.
“I could sit here and complain about the situation I currently find myself in but that isn’t my style, is it a little unfair that my spot in the main event isn’t guaranteed like it should be? Absolutely. But life isn’t fair and as a firm believer in earning what I believe I deserve, I am not sweating this much, I have overcome far greater odds in the past. Plus.. in my eyes, this just reaffirms that I am more of a threat than what people care to admit. How come Savannah and Michael are just given a place that people would literally kill for and I’m not? Why do I have to work that little bit harder to be in the main event when everyone and their mother knows what I am capable of? As unfortunate for me as this may be, I suppose it makes sense to place a dangerous pain in the ass like myself against Julius but if my opposition later on in the evening of February 3rd believe that I’ll be softened up after my bout with Mr. Foulweather, they’ve got another thing coming to them."
"I don’t believe people are taking me as seriously as they should be, a tiny part of me is under the impression that people haven’t been doing that since I showed up here so it isn’t foolish of me to presume that Julius is going to do the same. I am confident in saying that Julius doesn’t see that who he is facing is a woman that is not only scorned but looking to find her place back in this world and doing it with one simple solution… to win. I have almost forgotten what it feels like to want something this badly, not just for myself but for my career, I have lost a handful of matches that I shouldn’t, trying to find my footing since what.. September/October of last year? All I have done is fall short of expectations not so much in wins or losses… but importance and prominence. I should be the big bad I was long before I ever worked here, and so now I patiently wait for my turn? No, I take it one step at a time and this next one is huge. I can acknowledge that. I do comprehend that when Julius steps into the ring and is motivated, it is a treat for everyone, it is rather special but I wonder if he wants to win this or if he just wants to hurt me."
"It may sound rather crazy but I am kind of hoping for the latter."
"Why? I want a mad Julius, I want a motivated Julius, I want a Julius that wants to pull the upset and kick my ass. I want to battle with the Julius who Savannah Sunshine, Jason Long and Michael Bishop can think will defeat me, where they will fill their heads up with the hope that I don’t make it to the main event because if (when) I do, it’s game over for them. That is the man I want and need. I’m not going to try and make this bout personal because I have no reason to, I won’t try and sever Julius’ head as I actually find him rather enjoyable, fucking nuts but enjoyable nonetheless.. but what he will learn is that this is my life. As pathetic as it may sound to some of you, it is all I have. There isn’t a single person in this world who will take this from me and this week I must do what I have always done.. win no matter what."
"Julius, this will only make you better. The fight will be brought, the passion will be there, even if just to look good in front of the crowd. There will be moments when some may think you have a chance, but I will end those fast and yes, showcase a taste of things to come in the eyes of the three already in the main event. Do not take this personally, this is our business, or at least mine. After this, I’ll make sure the dream of becoming a star is still existent… but defeating Alyssa Grace is just never going to happen. The last thing anyone wants in this world is an Alyssa Grace that feels slighted, that feels as if she has a point to prove, as if her back is up against the wall. It’s bad enough that I have titles, records, accolades and everything dangling in front of me already. When you stack the deck the best you can to disadvantage me, it only inspires me greater. If last Fallout wasn’t enough, then this match and the opportunity that dangles before me will be a rather sound shot across the bow of those who continue to live in peak ignorance of just who the fuck I am."
"Until the bell rings and I am declared victorious, I will be no sweetheart, just a cold-blooded killer, a heartless girl with heartless motives, the kind of girl who has a special, unspoken kind of wickedness burrowed into my veins and mischief left heady in my gaze. I think that so far, my in-ring work has already proven that I am far beyond the average competitor in terms of skill and mastery, including Julius. I don't even think that he could ever successfully convince himself that he is on the same level as I am, regardless of how many years it's been since you've made that squared circle home. I am more than capable of getting one over on him, and he should know damn well that's the case. My work speaks for itself. I am the self proclaimed hardest worker in every room I step in and ANYONE is welcome to challenge that. I already know where I belong: the main event. I’ve said it before: there isn’t a soul dead, damned, or alive that could make me doubt or question my own authority when it comes to sharing the same stage with some of Project Honor’s most established stars, for better or for worse. One way or another, I’m going to turn this entire company upside down, ten times over if I have to--whatever it takes to propel myself to the top.”
Alyssa has always been the kind of girl that screamed madness. A wild one that kept herself buried in discovery and exploration, that rejoiced in the new and unique and constantly sought to surpass her limitations. Large parts of her desired escape from this boring world that could never quite keep up with her, lost in a search to find someone or something that could satiate her boredom. She sought to incite something consuming inside herself. The girl who liked the excitement and enjoyed power, deceit, games had now found herself in a constant search for more to be hers.
“The Dark-Half. The part of your psyche that has no filter, it shows no remorse, it plays into the hand of the sadomasochist and primal desires in each of us. Don’t deny its existence, we all harbour these feelings somewhere within the workings of our brains, some are just more willing to let it out than others. I like to think that I have been the woman that every single one of your mothers warned you about, a presence that can only be described as very unpredictable. Within the snap of a finger I can be the most beautiful creature anyone has laid their eyes on, or I can turn into a rampaging beast. I might not showcase that side of myself as openly as others do but I never abandoned that part of me, it has just stayed sort of dormant until called upon, but looking back at what has transpired recently, the losses and the performances I have had?"
"Maybe I haven’t tapped into it enough.”
The redhead takes a smaller sip of her drink this time, she is far from falling into intoxication but she isn’t as sober as she once was. Perhaps she would regret showing the world this side of her at a later date but she’d rather be completely transparent and include the ugly as well as the nice than be a liar who pretends to be fine all the time.
“I don’t wear rose coloured glasses and pretend that what is really happening around me is not worthy of my attention. There are those who choose to ignore the warning signs, they become very comfortable in their surroundings and they begin to think that nothing will affect them. I am talking about the windows of opportunities closing. How long before this place gives up on me? When will management finally say, “Alyssa had her shot to make it big and failed again?”, ringing in my ears until I become lost in translation and I’m reduced to someone that no one gives a shit about? My name is mentioned, no reaction. My matches are aired, no one cares and watches and there isn’t a single person that can be bothered to take a peak and listen to my words."
"I will not sugar-coat this for you Julius and for anyone who may be listening, I am very desperate, and this desperation makes me extremely dangerous."
"I don’t want to become like some of these other bottom feeders who have existed here for so long and already became the butt of all jokes, get a label placed on me that I was a “Never Was”. But do not get it twisted Julius, my desperation is not going to define who I am. I’m going to defeat you because I am better, bottom line. You haven’t walked in my shoes, looking at the size of your feet, mine are probably five sizes too small but that’s all semantics. There is no way that you possibly can understand the struggles that I have had to face, where a woman like myself has taken so many steps forward and then violently pushed back ten steps behind, and it is frustrating. I’m not like the rest of these cunts who make excuses and try to hide the fact they have not lived up to their potential. Yes, I am a little pissed, but not disgruntled, insulted but not defamed, disrespected but not forgotten and that is what keeps me above water. Julius you have merely drawn the short straw, I won’t gaslight you, you would have had a great chance in the main event, if you didn’t have to cross me."
"But you do have to cross me so your chances are non-existent, those are the facts."
"I’m not asking you to just lay down and hand this win over to me easily, but don’t for a second even entertain the thought that I am not or will not be capable of putting you down. I have shed enough tears, yelled enough profanities, punched enough walls and fallen to my knees enough wondering why my moment has happened yet and I refuse to do any of those things again."
"When I say I’m moving on to the main event and taking that Ascension championship for myself, I’m not manifesting some fairy-tale ending or continuous endless hope, I’m saying the narrative that won’t ever die."
"Why is that?"
"Because Julius, it never was yours to kill.”
Alyssa glares into the camera, she doesn’t flinch or move a muscle, as her eyes narrow, showing absolutely no emotion, ready to do whatever it takes. It dawns on her what, who, is next and for the first time, her frown is noticeable. Like the rest of her family, Alyssa tends to dare her demons to take her on just as much as she casually challenges her angels to stop her forever tempestuous rages, it is a hard pill for her to swallow, in fact she’s nearly choked on it multiple times but the truth always has been that neither good nor evil rests within her heart; insanity does. Power flares deep within Alyssa’s shadowy bloodline, she comes from a family of manipulative, deceitful, business men and women but as time goes on, she’s come to realise that those currently around her aren’t much different than the people she ran away from.
And that sucks.
Sure, Alyssa’s life is far from bad but it isn’t always as good as what people believe either.
It isn't fair, it isn't her fault, but that doesn't matter. She wasn't raised as a normal child and it ruined her especially with how everyone refuses to see the truth of the tale. No one taught her how to process her emotions, to regulate them properly and that was only one mistake. They let her lash out and indulged in her acting as she pleases, so that's all she knows how to do even now. It doesn't matter that her actions are the learnt behaviour of an isolated person surrounded by people who can never tell her the truth. Just like every child, all she did was believing the adults around her and now it's become her fault for being 'silly' enough to believe those lies and react as she had.
Carefully, she begins to smear the eyeliner with a now trembling thumb, letting the black liquid smudge without a hint of remorse. And then she looks back into the mirror. Her eyes glaze over and she laughs; deliriousness clear as her dulcet tones pierce through the bitter silence, like a knife cutting through thick air.
However, when the first darkened tear falls, she rushes to wipe it away and the laughter pauses momentarily.
Her moment of weakness is over.
“Savannah..” Alyssa begins softly, her voice trembling a tiny bit. She’s doing her best to remain calm, she’s doing her best to remain composed but she isn’t exactly hiding the fact that she’s struggling to do so very well. “Fuck you Savannah.”
“You make this world a miserable place. You make things such an impossibility to enjoy. Sulking and bitching and moaning about imperfections and the shitty things that happen to you on Twitter because you think that you are entitled to perfection in this world is something that I truly can’t understand. I cannot wrap my head around the levels of selfishness, the levels of ego, the levels of absolute arrogance someone needs to have in order to believe that and I cannot wrap my head around the fact I’m supposed to see you in a different light because you’ve become everything you once hated and aligned with True Society."
"You are not remotely different to who you were before all of this."
"You’re still the same Savannah Sunshine."
"You’re still a whiny fucking cunt."
"You’re still a joke."
"Nobody really changes on a whim. Nobody really pivots from who they were into something entirely different. The façade may change, it may have a new splash of paint, it may have a new edge or two to it, but behind that façade is the same old dump that stood rotting away. And we’re all like that. No matter what way we feel as if we’ve changed, no matter what we say or how we try to act, eventually the truth, the reality of who we are begins to seep out."
"Hell, I never even really changed after my loss to you and any other prick that I should’ve put away with ease, it was just my focus and ambition that shifted, but never my attitude or raw self. If we want to pretend for a second that you’re suddenly, miraculously different from who you were despite failing to do that for the majority of your career, I’ll gladly break you back down. You can ask what I have won in my time here, but what about you? All you’ve got is a Noble Championship reign that lasted a very impressive seventeen days. I’d argue that your victory against me on a random episode of Fallout is bigger than that since you love to bring it up all the damn time which says more about you than it does me and it really makes you look rather tragic."
"You are nothing but a possibility."
"You are everything I will not let myself be.”
Alyssa shakes her head softly, her attitude towards Savannah is the complete opposite of the one she had the last time the two ladies squared off. Things are just now way too complicated. She can’t be nice. She just can’t be.
“It’s not like I had any expectations for you either. They’ve always been rather low. The more I learned about you, the more our paths crossed, the more I realised that there was never anything truly special or unique about you. Just someone who has done enough in their life, who does enough in the body of their work to give the illusion of being talented. Beneath the surface? It’s dull. It's uninspiring. It’s shambolic. And that stock just gets lower and lower and lower and lower. But why would my opinion matter to you? Whether you choose to see value in it or not I can assure you that I’m not the only person who holds this same view. Nobody can legitimately listen to you and think that you’re not fucking cooked as shit…unless they coddle your fragile ass each time your public image gets a scratch or two, now that Jason isn’t around to do that, you’ve got Billy to do it for you I guess."
"Unlike you, I don’t publicly humiliate myself by airing my dirty laundry. Yes, I do actually feel a little bad for you because I’ve seen first hand just how rough times have been for you as of late but my god you really don’t help yourself. It’s like you shoot yourself in the foot and blame the person who gave you the gun to do so. I don’t stomp my feet like a bratty fucking child who doesn’t get their way, unlike you I’m a professional. Your holier-than-thou stance is crumbling the more you hop on Twitter to post a sad anime GIF that no one cares about after losing a battle of words, trying to make everyone feel sorry for your dumb cunt ass. No, I don’t complain, unlike you. I actually improve and I don’t need to turn my back on the world to do so. I actually go out of my way to accept my failures, accept my losses, accept the low points in my life and career and do more than just bitch and moan to someone who doesn’t give a fuck about your problems. I - like the greats in this business - look to succeed in spite of my setbacks, in spite of my flaws. Unlike you, I’m realistic. Unlike you, I’m far more grounded in reality of what can and will happen. Because I’m exceptionally reassured about my future. I’m more positive about who Alyssa Grace is and who she is going to be. Who you think you are, who you want to be and who you actually are, the person I see when I dig just deep enough, when I exploit just the right point, are entirely different. You can’t control yourself! You can’t control who you truly are. The person that you want everyone to believe that you are, that you’re desperately trying to portray to the world, even now, is fading."
"It’s cute what you did though. The whole joining True Society shit."
"Desperate times call for desperate measures and a miniscule part of me admires the fact that you’ve done something so stupidly bold in hopes it’ll save what’s left of you and your career, but it’s not going to give you what you want, this alliance isn’t going to give you what you need and the sooner you realise that, the better."
"Actually, the sooner True Society realises they have no genuine use for you, the better."
"Do you think these people genuinely care about you Savannah? Do you really believe that you are something special to them.. something valuable? If you do, it wouldn’t be the most foolish thing you’ve done so I wouldn’t be all that surprised but it’s something I can get a laugh out of anyways. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but they don’t care. No one does. That’s just life. No one really cares. They’re going to chew you up, spit you out and move on like nothing happened and you’re just going to let it happen because like a leech, you feed on any amount of attention anyone is willing to throw your way. You’re dependent on it, you crave it, you need it. When I say this, I don’t intend to be malicious, instead my words come from a place of care believe it or not. Without attention, you’d be forced to face uncomfortable truths, if you’re left alone, god knows what would happen! It’s a thought you cannot bring yourself to even entertain because it terrifies you that much, why else do you keep interacting with whatever the hell Jason is these days? Breakups are hard, I understand that. It’s not easy to just move on from someone you once loved, especially when you loved them so much you were planning on marrying them but girl, get a goddamn grip! You’d rather subject yourself to emotional torment that no human, yourself included deserves, from that.. creature knowing full well it’s going to upset you than be alone and left to your own devices. You’re breaking your back for people who wouldn’t even notice if you disappeared tomorrow."
"That’s really sad."
"It’s borderline fascinating to watch you just…exist in this world. It’s fascinating to see no matter how many times people just straight up beat the ever loving piss out of you verbally (and physically too) you retain this arrogance, this delusion of being remotely close to having any kind of edge. It’s fascinating to see how you feel you can speak with such confidence and bravado, with a perspective despite never actually earning any stripes. It’s extremely easy to see why you go all out for matches like this. It’s extremely easy to see how desperate you get whenever someone dangles an opportunity in your face. It’s hilarious to see you rush out like a basic bitch trying to impress people. Like, the cute little ‘effort’ angle died a long time ago for you and nobody is ever really impressed at how you waste away here. Because listen, you’re well and truly past the crossroads where you stop being the stupid cunt who doesn’t learn from her mistakes and instead learns to embrace proving herself legitimately and honestly. But that doesn’t mean you can’t backtrack and realise why you’ve been this stagnated loser for so long. You’re desperate to keep pace with everyone, you want to try and match creative strikes with some horrific edgelord blows and you can’t come even remotely close to hitting the mark. It’s why I have no intentions in wasting my time with you any longer."
"Perhaps it’s time to realise that you remain the common denominator each and every time your momentum in life comes to a halt. Why is it, that despite the setbacks everyone experiences, is it you that this happens to so often? Why is it, that despite everything everyone experiences being so similar, why is life so harsh towards you? Because you’re cunt. Because you’re a miserable cunt. Because you’re a pathetic cunt. Because you’re a cunt who expects nothing but pure perfection in their treatment when the reality is that cannot happen. You’re an egotistical cunt who can’t understand that at times the world isn’t going to tip in our favour. Because you're an ignorant cunt, who believes she’s that special, that unique that she should always be given that care. A precious cunt, who will falter and stagnate herself if she has even the slightest of pushback, if the pendulum swings ever so slightly to anyone else’s favour."
"I hope you lose this match for multiple reasons. Because you’re entitled and don’t deserve it. Because you’re ungrateful and don’t deserve it. But mainly because I want to see if you’re going to perform the same act. I want to see if you’re going to validate everything I’ve said about you. I want to see whether or not I’m right in believing that you’re too high on your own fucking unjustified worth to this world to cope with defeat. Your momentum, all that you’ve built up these last few weeks, would vanish in an instant and to watch you crawl into a fucking hole and hopefully perish would be incredible to watch. And ultimately, the reality will settle in, the reality being that despite your greatest efforts to be this big, bad and evil bitch, you still wouldn’t have changed one bit."
"And you never will."
"You don’t know how to change Savannah. You don’t know how to truly change and become a better person, an improved person. Instead you live and die by your flawed perception and can’t bring yourself to recognise those flaws. You are weak. You are a mental midget. Whether it’s four months, one year, two years, three years or a decade, your hubris will always be your downfall and that is a downfall that I will enjoy each and every time. There’s only so many times you can keep spinning this narrative of how you were the victim of some unfortunate circumstance, how you were hard done by your surroundings, by your opponents, by the powers that be…until you’re just re-treading the same old ground you’ve torn up in your efforts to deflect all responsibility for your struggles. It’s why no matter what comes next, what happens on Fallout, you and I aren’t in the same conversation and you will spend more time having to look up at me sitting on thrones that you desperately wish to occupy. It doesn’t really matter how much you’ve committed, how hard you’ve worked, I truly couldn’t give any sort of fuck about that stuff. I don’t pretend like it’s relevant, I don’t pretend that it’s meaningful. If you can’t beat me this time round, if I derail your momentum, then it’s because you’re…just not as good as I am. It’s because you….just didn’t rebuild yourself up that little bit more to stand equal to me. I’m better at every single fucking thing that involves this sport and beating you isn’t anyone’s fault other than your own. Not this company’s for putting me in your way before this big moment, the grand finale of this absolutely fucking pathetic attempt of a ‘rebuild’. And not me for just being too fucking much for you to keep up with."
"You suck, Savannah."
"Your talent is like.. okay levels. It’s whatever. Overrated a little bit and nowhere near the standard of what it takes to make it far. But whatever, talent is one thing. But the lack of mental fortitude? Jesus Christ. Like I don’t know what I need to say here to make you realise how so, so sad this is. You are weak."
"And I love feasting on weak people."
"So go ahead and keep running your mouth, keep screaming and shouting to the world that you’re going to beat my ass, if you say it loud enough, if you repeat it over and over and over again, maybe someone will believe you."
"In the meantime, I’ll continue preparing to give you something that’s worth crying about online.”
Alyssa sighs sadly, finishing the rest of her drink and then pulling herself to her feet to get another. She pours the rest of the bottle of vodka into the glass, swirls it around and merely stands for a few minutes. She hadn’t intended to become so spiteful and harsh but her emotions had gotten the better. “Fucking hell.” The redhead mutters to herself, running a hand through her hair and then falling silent for a handful of minutes.
“Got a bit gloomy and doom back there, didn’t I?” The laugh that slips past her lips isn’t genuine and Alyssa frowns when she remembers that she’s currently alone in her hotel room, there’s no one to talk to no, no crowd to perform before, no eyes on her, nothing but her, a bottle of empty vodka, a tv that had gone into standby mode and a camcorder that had been recording for goodness knows how long. “But let me talk about something a little more positive, a man involved in this match who is the complete opposite. ” Alyssa shoots a knowing smile in the direction of the camera. “That’s right, I’m talking about Michael Bishop.”
“I said it the last time we were involved in a bout together and I’ll say it again, Michael Bishop is one bad motherfucker, that isn’t up for debate. Whilst it may not make sense to most of you, I have to do what I’m going to do to Michael because I wholeheartedly respect the things he has done for this business. To be the best, you have to beat the best, right?”
“They say idle hands are the devil's playthings and if you don’t strike while the iron is hot then you’re liable to get burned yourself. Adversity is a bitch, ain’t she? More often than not in this business, we find ourselves placed in positions where the choices we make are vital, to me there are very few grey areas because when does half assing shit work in someone's favour? Pretty much never.”
“Some people live for those moments and they thrive in intense situations. There is no cap on what they can do or what they can achieve and they refuse to take no for an answer. Others, dare I say most people will crumble under the pressure when push comes to shove, they lose control of their senses, their decision making fizzles out and everything comes undone. There’s a fine line between taking the ball and dropping it. If there was an easier way, believe me, people would be riding it out until they die but there just isn’t. Maybe it’s better that way because it reveals the true colours that people are made of but nobody wants their true colours exposed to the masses for fear of scrutiny, fear of their reputation turning to shit and fear of betrayal by their loved ones among other things. It’s crazy to think about the amount of contributing factors, whether massive or miniscule that complete a person’s make up. Everybody has something they keep under wraps and when those secrets are unveiled to the eyes of the world, all of the skeletons come dancing out of their closets in unison with a smile on their face because they’ve been covered in layers of dirt for so long, but it’s the way we handle adversity that separates the adults from the child. You can either tuck your tail and run for the hills, which as I said, most people will opt to do, or you can rise up like a phoenix from the ashes and stare your demons dead in the eye.”
“I’ve never shied away from conflict but the tallest task in front of me is not Julius, it’s certainly not Savannah, it’s not Jason and it isn’t Michael either, it’s myself. I won’t cower from the cold hard facts nor will I spin a tangled web of lies and excuses to fit my own narrative; my life recently has been a double-edged sword where on one end, I’ve had my fair share of victories but I’ve also swallowed the taste of defeat and I’ve endured the harsh lessons and subsequent aftermaths of two or three major fuck ups on my resume depending on who you ask. This isn’t about feeling sorry for myself, this isn’t about the trials and tribulations of what a woman goes through in this industry, this is the truth that I am forced to face every time I look into the mirror. I don’t seek pity as a result nor do I yearn for an easy way out. What I want to do is redefine the current status quo and the only way to do that is by slaughtering anything and anyone that stands in my way.”
“I’m not looking to make things personal with you Michael, not now and not ever to be perfectly honest with you, 99.9% of the time, I operate strictly on business and in some ways, you should be thankful I’m not going to make our inevitable clashing anything more than it has to be. I’m just going to do what I have to do to you, not what I want to do. This is a matter of survival. I’ve been involved in high stake matches similar to this, I’ve won matches similar to this and whilst that certainly doesn’t guarantee me a victory on Fallout, it means I have a little more knowledge in regards to what it takes to walk away from this the winner. There comes a time where you have to put will before skill and my flame will never truly die, even if right now it isn’t as bright as what you or many others are used to seeing, it is still burning. This tale doesn’t end well for you Mike. A chronicle of pure heartache rewritten through different chapters yet the core of the story remains unmoved - where Michael Bishop dunks his head in championship waters and fills his lungs until he drowns at the bottom of the ocean. The same old song, the same old tune, the same old dance, the same result over and over again. You’re stuck in no man’s land, where few tread for very long and it’s only a matter of time until you crack hard under pressure. Like me, you have a lot to prove with this match and I’m sure you’re looking forward to trying that and capturing the gold… but that won’t come at my expense. While you’re wanting this opportunity so badly, I want it just as much if not more. And usually, when those rules are set, there are no limits to what each and every one of us will do to come out on top.”
“I swear up and down that I truly want people to achieve their goals and dreams, but not at my expense. At the end of the day, I have to put my moral ethics to the side and remember that once that bell rings, you, just like everyone else, are insignificant to me.”
“You’ll become faceless and nameless. I will not pity any of you and I’m going to win. End of story.”
“Downing the likes of you, Savannah and Jason is going to be my culmination, it’s going to put an end to a nightmare that has followed me around for far too long.”
“The Ascension Championship will be my pièce de résistance.”
Conflict suddenly washes over Alyssa’s countenance as she realises what, who, is next. The champion himself. Jason Long. One of her closest companions, an individual who she’s grown to have so much love, admiration, respect and care for. The best saved until last.
“Jason.” Her tone of voice is quiet and gentle, she speaks as if he’s in the same room as her and they’re sharing a drink or two as they catch up or offer advice. Her expression is troubled, she sits and thinks of all the good memories the two have together, she thinks about their bond and how she can’t imagine what her life would be like without it.. and then her face falls flat. Her emotions just.. vanish as Alyssa thinks of what he is today, she thinks of how off put she has been and continues to be by his recent actions, she thinks of how she doesn’t know if she actually knows him at all and everything feels.. easier. When she opens her mouth to continue speaking, her voice is now flat. “Who am I kidding, it feels wrong to even call you that.”
“You’re not Jason. Well, you're not the Jason I knew anyways. You may look like, sound like and occasionally act like him but you’re not him. You’re not the man I know, you’re not the man I care about, you’re not the man I put on a ridiculously high pedestal, you’re not the man who I credit for helping me adjust to life here in the States, you’re not the man I’ve shared many great adventures with, you’re not the man I once lo-”
Alyssa stops herself, shaking her head sadly and just gazing off into the distance. What was the point of reminiscing on the “what could have beens”? What was the point of her even daring to think about the past, the connection, the chemistry, the genuine friendship they had built up when it was clear as day he couldn’t give a flying fuck about it? Usually Alyssa was excellent at moving on from the things her opposition had to say about her in promotional material. In the wrestling world, it wasn’t exactly uncommon for people to say just about anything, no matter how accurate, degrading, scandalous or disgusting just to get a reaction so the insults Jason.. or the other Jason had thrown her way had little to no effect on her. Being called nothing special, useless, bound to fail etc etc? Child’s play. Alyssa had heard it all and worse before so that wasn’t what had been troubling her.
It was what had been revealed before that she had been thinking about.
She couldn’t shake it, no matter how hard she tried to. It was wrong for her to even think of because a large part of her didn’t believe shit that came out of that things mouth, he was playing mind games with her, tricking her, taking advantage of the soft spot everyone knows she’s got for the real and long gone Jason, of course he was, why wouldn’t he do exactly that?
But what if he was telling the truth?
What if- “Never mind. The point I’m trying to make is this, you are nothing but a collapsing god complex.” She chuckles, trying to free herself from the shackles of the thoughts of the emotionally complicated situation she found herself in with Jason, just this once, Alyssa opted to comfort herself with a lie instead of face the truth.
“And maybe that’s for the best.”
“Perhaps it’s best I don’t have to interact with what once was, perhaps it’s for the best I get a close look at the steady deconstruction of a tainted entity.”
“You’re a twisted creature who treats others as toys to play with or discard as you please, whenever you desire. But there's more too, it’s desperation, coupled with fearsome wishes for eternity. Everything that you can get your hands on, you want, but even so there's always something missing beneath the surface. You’re a two-faced coin that's slick with a venomous poison slathered into your every nook and cranny. You are truly the kind of person that provokes as much disgust as you do awe from the casual onlooker. The few untouched ones that see you up on the throne of blood you’ve crafted with all your wasteful advantages and casual toying about for the worst of purposes are all quick to be confused by your existence.”
“Blood cakes your heart, carnage cakes your soul. Filth blurs your vision and greed slits compassion’s throat, a puppeteer pulls your strings, your head, your mind, drowning you in crimson tar. The sins cling to you as morning dew does to the flora. There is no righteous, no heroic. There is War and there is you and in the end it’s one of the same. There is no silver lining, only the underbelly to evil. There is no Divinity.”
“Is there?”
“You’re a man so full of power, but something more sinister too. Far from perfection, you are someone that displays an uncanny fickleness and this clear inclination towards cruelty. Like the vengeful gods of the old tales, in you resides this innate need for control to be only yours for the taking. When the control isn't yours, the crash comes. You splinter and tear into little pieces that scream of burdensome wants and desires for the only thing that you’ve ever known to come back to you with its calming miasma suffocating you, just as much as it comforts. Loss.”
“To put it bluntly, you Jason Long, are an ineffable tragedy.”
Her grip on the glass of alcohol on her hand tightens, her knuckle almost turning snow white, her voice raising and sinking in volume, she’s yet to yell but god she’s close to her breaking point. She’s angry, confused, upset and tired. She’s a mess and she doesn’t know who or what to blame.
“You’re a child that was never quite allowed to grow up. A boy never shown how to be more than what others proclaim of him, moreover you were never taught to actually learn from the error of your ways or your mistakes. You’re too indulged by the broken system that celebrates you as someone far above the cumbersome mortals. The truth of your tragedy is that you don’t know how to see it. It's there in the little things that separate you from normalcy. You’re the one who could put your hand into a hot fire and will learn to blame the flames for hurting you.”
“Silly tyrant entity was born into a role of underserved superiority. Knowing nothing, you get yourself knocked down again and again until there's nothing else for you to do. You will only dust yourself off with spite and vengeance laced far into your eyes, before stopping. A darker fall into the shadows that surround her, you’re left insatiable amidst the nightmares and the scary real-world that you don’t know how to handle. Unfixable. That’s what you are.”
“Maybe that’s what all of you are.” She spits, grip on the cheap glass somehow even tighter now, the ornate item suddenly smashes with one beautifully destructive act. Alyssa savours the carnage with everything she has, losing herself in it, but she still despises it with everything in her. Fragmented crystal-like shards fall to the ground in tandem with the frantic beating of her pounding heart. She giggles even when she desperately tries to gather the fractured pieces and with them some semblance of her life, only causing her own blood to spill in neat flowing lines. She winces and lets out a string of curse words, but makes no further attempt to fix the problem.
“Allow me to give you a life lesson in what is going to happen here so that maybe you can even comprehend it just a little, what you are doing is stepping into the ring with a Buzzsaw. I’m not here to play games, there is a purpose and a reasoning to where I need to be in 2022, you don’t have to care or even want to be a part of it, that is all up to you, yet it will not change a damn thing because if it was you or anyone that stepping into the ring with me come this week, the same fate awaits them no matter what, and that is where you need to realise and foresee that what you have done, what you have said to me in the past has only added more gasoline to a raging fire and now the forest is burning down all around you. Look into my eyes bitch and listen to my words closely. It didn’t have to be like this, but what I see is nothing more than a caricature who hit the panic button after each loss, trying to change everything about himself when you never needed to change a damn thing!”
“What I plan to do is welcome you into another level of pain, one that even the goriest of horror movies will compare to the horrors that I have planned. I will perform my due diligence and simply carry out my cruel intentions, do exactly what I was put on this planet to do and one by one gain my spot at the very top of the business and allow for everyone else to witness that what Alyssa Grace has in store for this entire brand and the whole company is one thing… chaos. But what you fail to see is that chaos without a purpose is only an accident waiting to happen, it is why your head is that purpose, your body is that purpose, this match is that purpose to once again remind the entire company what I am capable of and who I was once is back in full form and no one will stop me while four wrestlers in one night will try to beat the shit out of me for the opportunity to become the new Ascension Champion, I will have your head or anyone’s that decides to step in front of me on my mantle for the entire world to see on display.”
“And then Jason, maybe you will get the life lesson that no one these days seems to grasp and instead fails miserably at attaining… loss is loss…”
“Being alone in the silence isn’t so bad, it teaches you things. You learn about yourself and the tolerances that you’re willing to undertake. These past few days have given me peace and with that I have been able to find a level where I feel comfortable. You are probably wondering what in the hell am I talking about, so I’ll put it simply, I know who I am and as I have searched deep within my soul, into my heart and I stand here now a more educated individual for I know my limits.”
“What are those you ask?”
“I don’t have any.”
“Julius, Savannah, Michael and last but certainly not least, Jason.. listen closely. I will not yell. I will not scream. I will only do as I say.”
“Can you hear it now?”
“The spilling of your blood and the cracking of your bones.”
“Music to my ears.”
The angel on Alyssa’s shoulder is here now, staring at the chaotic scene of abstract destruction with horror-struck eyes, wanting nothing more than to save her. On the other side, the demon on her shoulder stands, eyes welcoming with not a hint of judgement present. Maybe, that's because, in the end, it's always the demon that understands what it feels like to fall the most…
But somehow the angel is always the one that tries to catch her. No matter how futile it might seem to unaware outsiders, the good half of her always tries because she believes she’s worth it, that she’s worth everything. The demon, however, helps her come to terms with the fall.
Demons rarely try to save people, because sometimes falling IS meant to be your salvation.
Alyssa swallows harshly, her mind spinning almost rhythmically, in tune with every step her shivering body manages to make. Wrists throb painfully, in tandem with her beating heart. Tiny shards of glass are lodged into her fragile skin, breaking the thin barrier and allowing blood to spill freely, but her head is held inexplicably high. Despite the tears, her eyes are strong and hard. That's what scares her angel and demon the most -- the strength that's always present within her, never dwindling or lessening, always steady even if it's perpetrator and owner isn't.
Her eyes brighten exponentially when that familiar tugging hits. Soon her orbs flutter shut, breath hitching as memories unlock, a flip switching inside of her.
It might've taken a while but she finally knows who she is now.
She's Alyssa Grace: and she is the motherfucking Queen.