Post by OZYMANDIAS on Feb 1, 2022 23:27:02 GMT -5
The booming rumble and crack of the thunderous skies take reign over the scene, immediately throwing us into a cautious mode. The elements combining to show a display of force is matched only by the sheer dominance below on the surface.
The Saga of Ozymandias is well and truly underway, with foes crawling from the walls and rafters to stake claim they will be the one to beat him, to dethrone him, to embarrass the Butcher.
From nobodies to failed superstars, it matters not… the Tyrant remains strong.
Thus, this brings us to where we are at right now, a war in the skies above between noise and light is only matched by the utter monstrosities on the ground below…
"Yo Ozz, I'm tellin' you man, this chain on you would be so DOPE!"
No, we are not in Old Harbor. We are not in Alaska. We are not in an arena.
"Man I freakin' LOVE this damn Mall!"
Lil Petey chirps up in the Mall of America, as he is flanked by the Legacy Champion. They are not fighting, they are not brawling, but they are… shopping?
"I must remind myself to have a stern word with Meredith following today…"
"Ozz, chill! This is what you needed bro! Merdy only wants you to have some friends, and when she called me up to take you out shopping, I HAD to say YISSS. Who else gets a day on the tiles with the big man himself!"
Armed with multiple bags, Gucci Versace Lacoste and Tomogachi, Lil Petey is making sure to spend up his Project Honor paychecks while they are still coming in. Ozymandias on the other hand lurks behind him with hands buried in a large baggy overcoat and an exposed face. Bar a very ill fitting COVID mask that is.
"Sorry they had to ask you to remove the mask bro, mall cops need to see that full dome. And while the squid mask is bitchin, it's a little too 'California Love' for these merks."
Ozymandias just exhales loudly, his normally metallic sound no longer muffled by his robotic mechanical guise. As they prowl through the Mall, Petey eyes up a squad of junior wrestling fans, sitting around with their slushies and skateboards and usual tropes.
“Yo, Ozy Ozy, how bout we go over and scare the shit outta those kids? Huh, whaddya say, I’ll line ‘em up and you knock them down. Hit them with some TRUTH.”
“Petey, I speak openly and truthfully here… Meredith asked me to accompany today for no known reason, perhaps to bond with my teammate or to create a genuine friendship despite our past indifferences. But I will let you know one thing… if you involve me in your antics and foolish behavior, I will remove your skull from your jawline with ease.”
Lil Petey freezes, a very audibly loud gulp, before he shrugs it off.
“Aww Ozy, you had me going there! You’re the best man, such a wisecracking old fisherman bro. K, you take these bags and I’ll mosey over to the brats.”
Petey hands up his shopping bags to a clearly enraged Ozymandias, but skips off before there is time to retaliate. Just as Petey is about out of reach, he turns and throws one more bag at Ozymandias, his backpack.
“YO, watch that pack Butch, I’ve got some of my latest creations in there. I call it ‘Drizzurp’, shit’s going to explode in the club scene.”
Catching the bag allows it to open, revealing indeed some kind of luminous orange drink inside.
(like this more more delicious looking)
“Taste it up! But first, LP gots a date with some underage kids… wait, shit, that sounds illegal.”
Ozymandias removes a bottle from the bag and eyes it up, before opening the lid and taking a swig. Lil Petey on the other hand makes his way over to the wrestling fans, and immediately approaches the biggest kid with the ‘True Society’ shirt on.
“Hey, HEY, fuckface, you think you know wrestling? You think you know your stuff? Well let me explain some simple truths to you, for I, MC Grandmaster Petey Drip Drip, is here to teach you. See the thing is- “
“Fuck you paedophile.”
“...uh, what?”
“You heard me, paedo. We know who you are, and we know that you suck ass. You and that other guy, Yung Kiddie Fiddler or whatever. Get your old man hands away from me.”
“Old man… dawg, I’m twenty six! What the heck-”
“Shut it old fart, we can’t wait to see you get your ass whupped by the better team next week.”
“Yeah Chingy, wait til Ratman and Rapture get their hands on you, I bet you’ll be crying for Mommy!”
“No no, when Poblano shoves hot peppers up his ass, then he’ll be really crying! Puma and Hope can piss on you to put out your fire.”
“What the fuck, you kids are like fifteen, what gives you the right-”
“Shut up pedophile. Pedophile! This man is trying to see our dicks! We’re little boys and he wants to see our hairless balls!”
The commotion being caused by the kids stirs up some attention, and Petey sweats it a little. He spins around to find Ozy in the hopes of backup support, but Petey’s eyes widen when he sees him.
“OZY! Dawg, slow down on that drink man, that shits fire!”
Ozymandias indeed has enjoyed the new drink, ‘Drizzurp’, and has comfortably consumed both bottles in Petey’s bag. Avoiding the eyes of angry moths and nasty kids Petey runs back over to his teammate.
“Dude, DUDE. How much did you drink!?”
“How much? Both the bottles you provided me, they were not large enough to satiate me but the taste was indeed delicious. Sweet, with a strong chemical afterbite.”
“BRO, that stuff was made in my bathtub. It’s legit moonshine and orange juice, with like, cough medicine and ear drugs and booster shots and all kinds of shit mixed in. It’s like… four hundred proof.”
“Nonsense, it tasted like a drink I would enjoy as a child. The taste was very nostalgic.”
“Ozy you just drank four liters of legit poison.”
The yelling from the prior kids grows louder, and it’s apparent they are on the attack to chase down Petey. The chants of ‘paedo’ and ‘child abducter’ grow and loom after them, so Petey encourages Ozymandias to flee.
“Fuck bro, this was a BAD idea. Where is the squad when we need them?”
“You don’t need backup, foolish boy. I can more than handle a pack of irate children and their hormonal mothers. I simple make an example of the first to approach, and the rest will run in terror at the sight of blood.”
“Ozy, listen to me man, Ozy… you cannot kill kids. Fuck dude… where is the rest of BDP!”
Ozymandias places a hand on his partner's shoulder, to silence him.
“TJ Thompson and Swindle Shelldrake will offer you little to no protection from what’s to come. Two ants I have crushed in my past, crawling out from under my boot seeking redemption. If it were not for Myojin, I would safely say we are fighting this fight together, but the Shining Star might prove useful.”
Petey nods, but starts to bite his fingernails as Ozy starts to sway.
“Fuck dude, are you alright?”
“Yes, I… a little off balanced, nothing to… just a slight misstep perhaps…”
Clearly hitting an intoxicated wall, Ozy stumbles backwards to a center podium, showcasing a vehicle that is up for a raffle.
“Just sit right there and catch your breath dude, I’ll think of a way to get us out of this.”
The angry mob quickly catches up, an entourage of angry Moms and pubescent kids. Petey thinks and thinks, then realizes the only way to salvage face from this is clear…
“Sex-deprived milfs. Puberty-stricken adolescents. Lend me your ears, and let me explain… The Drip Lord himself stands before you, and I proclaim one thing… My retirement approaches, and soon this living legend will no longer be available for your entertainment. Whatever disagreements you have against me, I say this - fucketh, thy, those?”
The mob, confused, looks on at him, still hungry for blood.
“Look, lemme be really real real with y’all, this is one of my last dances and I want it to go right. Big Drip Productions are rolling out in style, with me Oz and Swindle bringing the style and TJ and Myo bringing the spice. Tha’s just how it is.”
He looks around, still blank expressions. A fat juvenile begins to bleet but Petey silences the fucker with a raised finger.
“Lemme finish before you make your virgin cries. Against us is a wall of opposition, not entirely the team we expected but here we are. Puma, Hope and Poblano-”
“I will squeeze their thighs with my head, and make it pop…wait, no I squeeze my head with their thighs until it cracks… wait, that sounds incorrect and humorous…ha ha ha!”
“Dammit Ozy hold it together man… as I was saying, the motley crew before us stand no chance. Who you see before you today are two young edge lords with style and swagger, but at the night of Proving Ground you’ll see two legends of the ring in full action. Burque, Rapture, it doesn’t matter. Once BDP gets going there ain't no stopping us… ain’t that right Oz?”
No answer.
“Butch?”
Still nothing, so Petey turns around to see Ozy scaling the platform, approaching the prize-winning car. Before he can turn back, a piece of fruit connects with Petey and explodes on his face, followed by another.
“These fuckers are throwing bananas?”
“And oranges, bitch!”
Petey begins to get attacked with flying objects and an array of boo’s and bad names. Somehow, somewhere, an object sails past Petey and hits Ozymandias, which pauses the action. Without even turning around, Petey sees the fear in the faces of the kids and it’s clear - Ozymandias is angry.
“Run!”
The kids flee, scattering at great speeds. With a smirk on his face Petey turns around but to his horror, it’s too late… Ozymandias has already exploded!
“OZY! NO!”
In a cough-medicine-and-moonshine fuelled stupor, Ozymandias manages to decimate the vehicle before him and goes into a rampage.
“Ozy! Save it man, we need you fit and ready for the match! Think of the fight, think of Big Drip! Think of eating Poblano’s head!”
Rapid response units arrive on their segways, blowing their whistles to deter the Norwegian giant but it’s no good. As he rips a door of the car and throws it into the fray it’s apparent this is going to get worse.
No mercy for the fenders, just like what will happen to Noah Hope.
No remorse for the windshield, smashing it like he will to Rapture.
No second thoughts for the headlamps, kicked apart as if they were Percival Burqe.
No care into the hood, as he hammers it apart like Serrano Poblano will feel.
And absolutely no giving up on the punches to the roof, just like El Puma will suffer.
“Ozz, cheese it dude! The cops are here!”
But it’s too late. The ‘Drizzurp’ has taken a hold of him. There is no more Ozymandias, there is no more Butcher of Reine, there is no more Legacy Champion.
With one massive push he topples the car off the podium and leaves out a massive roar.
“Oh no! This looks like it could be….”
THE RISE OF DRUNKENMANDIAS
