Post by ttthet on Jan 19, 2022 19:44:36 GMT -5
Our scene starts off once again at the world-famous HIP HOUSE. TJ Thompson is on the couch playing the most intellectually stimulating game of all time, Fortnite. TJ is about to grab his eleventh kill, until the doorbell rings.
TJ Thompson: One second! I’m about to catch this dub!
The doorbell keeps ringing over and over again.
TJ Thompson: Fine! This shit better be important.
TJ sadly puts down his controller and goes to answer the door. He opens it to see nobody there except a small box. Forgetting the game, TJ picks up the box and takes it inside.
TJ Thompson: Hey! Fan mail! The last time I got fan mail, it turned out to be a bomb. That wasn’t a fun night trying to explain that to the cops. This better not be another bomb. Maybe I should be careful before opening it this time! I could put on a bulletproof vest or some shit. I’m sure Gerald has one of those bad boys lying around.
TJ stops to think about safety precautions.
TJ Thompson: HAHAHAHA!!! Safety is for pussies. Let’s crack this thing open!
TJ opens the cardboard box to reveal a Nike shoebox.
TJ Thompson: A box inside a box?!? What kind of shitty fan mail is this?!? Wait a second…there’s something inside this second box?!? Tricky.
TJ opens the shoebox and pulls out a pair of black Air Force One’s.
TJ Thompson: Oh, shit! Air Forces! In black! I already have them in white, but I won’t say no to another pair! Lemme try them on!
As TJ laces up the shoes, Lil Petey passes by.
Lil Petey: Hey, what are you doing-
TJ finishes lacing up the shoes.
Lil Petey: NOOOOOOO!!!
As soon as the shoes are tied, TJ’s entire body jerks, feeling the menacing Black Air Force energy flowing through him.
TJ Thompson: What’s…what’s happening to me?!? I…I have the sudden urge to commit crimes and to stop being a functioning member of society! Are the shoes doing this to me?
Lil Petey: You weren’t a functioning member of society to start with. But for the first one, yeah! Why’d you put them on?!? Everyone knows Black Air Forces turn you into a monster! Nine out of ten people in jail right now have owned Black Air Forces at one point in their life!
TJ Thompson: They looked cool! I didn’t know they would do this to me! What about the one out of ten?!?
Lil Petey: They wear socks with sandals.
TJ Thompson: Even worse! Aw shit, man, I already feel like punching an innocent bystander in the face for no reason other than a thirst for violence! Help!
Lil Petey: Try to take em off!
TJ tries to rip the Air Forces off his feet, but they won’t come off. He tries to untie the laces, but they won’t untie no matter how hard he pulls.
TJ Thompson: I can’t get these things off! They’re stuck on my feet! Hey bro…where’s the nearest bank? Asking for…research purposes only.
Lil Petey: No, TJ! Bad! Don’t give in to the menace tendencies! You gotta fight the urge to commit crimes! Stay here. I’ll get a crowbar from the garage!
Lil Petey sprints to the garage and hunts for a crowbar to try and get the Black Air Forces off TJ. Why a crowbar, I don’t know. He’s not very bright. Petey finally finds a crowbar and runs back, but TJ is nowhere to be found. The window has been shattered with a TJ shaped hole in it.
Lil Petey: NOOOOO!!! GERALD! COME ON! WE GOTTA FIND TJ BEFORE SOMEONE DIES!!!
Gerald the Giraffe trots into the room.
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
Lil Petey: I know! Let’s get him!
Petey hops on Gerald’s back and the two make a beeline for the nearest bank. They get their thanks to Gerald’s long legs and see that the bank is on fire.
Lil Petey: How is that even possible?!? He was gone for like, ten minutes!
The camera cuts to inside the flaming bank where TJ is filling a bag full of money.
TJ Thompson: Muahahahaha! I don’t know if this was inside me all along, but robbing banks is kinda fun! So is setting shit on fire! The people screaming was kinda annoying, but I’ll get over it. Ow! I got a papercut! This money is sharp.
A security guard pulls out his taser and tases TJ in the back. TJ appears to not feel it and turns around. TJ slaps the guard in the face and he goes flying across the room.
TJ Thompson: Ayo! The shoes might have turned me into a menace, but now I can pimp slap hoes into different dimensions! Huh. Maybe I should’ve tried doing that to the other TJ before we sent him on that island vacation.
The camera cuts back to the outside of the flaming bank. Petey and Gerald are thinking about what to do, when an army of police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances pull out. A police officer exits his car and pulls out a megaphone.
Megaphone Cop: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!!! YOU’RE SURROUNDED! THERE’S NO WAY YOU ESCAPE HERE ALIVE IF YOU FIGHT BACK! THE ARMY IS ON THEIR WAY, TOO!!! SURRENDER WHILE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE!!!
Lil Petey: Oh no! TJ’s about to get blasted! Pause.
Petey and Gerald see TJ slowly walk out of the bank.
Lil Petey: Be careful, bro!
The cops all jump out of their cars and swarm TJ to arrest him, but they stop short.
Cop #1: Guys, wait…he’s wearing BLACK AIR FORCES?!? WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!! HE’S TOO DANGEROUS!!! CALL THE SWAT TEAM!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
All the cops start screaming and scramble to get away from TJ. The firefighters and paramedics follow suit and soon, it’s only TJ, Petey and Gerald at the scene of the crime.
Lil Petey: Bro! This isn’t you! Leave the bank alone! Also, you’re kinda on fire.
TJ Thompson: The shoes will protect me! Don’t worry! I can do whatever the fuck I want! Look at me! I have powers now! You should’ve seen how I backhanded some dude to another planet! Normal TJ would just get tased and go down! I’m a god!
Lil Petey: But you’re hurting people!
TJ Thompson: Yeah, that’s true. But they were gonna get hurt anyway! It’s not like I can just take the shoes off, right? I have a feeling these bad boys are on my feet forever. Might as well use them for their powers! Imagine what I can do in the ring with these on!
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: I know. I’m supposed to be the good guy here. But…I’m being forced to be a menace! It is what it is! Look! I have a big bag of money now!
Lil Petey: That you stole!
TJ Thompson: They have insurance! It’s fine! These shoes might give me the urge to commit crimes and attack people, but there’s an upside too! Wait a second…what’s that? In the air?
Lil Petey: INCOMING!!!
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
The Big Drip Boys take cover as a missile shot from a military plane crashes into the bank. Rubble goes flying. TJ also goes flying and the impact finally knocks the Black Air Forces off his feet. As the dust settles, the boys regroup.
TJ Thompson: I’m free! Wait…WHAT HAVE I DONE?!? THAT WAS ALL ME?!?
Lil Petey: Ow…yep. You really destroyed the entire area with the help of those shoes! They turned you into your average Youngboy fan! You were a menace to society!
TJ Thompson: NOT A YOUNGBOY FAN!!! Aight, that’s too far! I can handle bank robberies and destruction, but that’s too far! Did you find out who even sent those shoes?
Lil Petey: I have no idea. Whoever it is must be a danger to world peace. We gotta get rid of those shoes. You’ve seen what they do to people! Nothing good will come outta wearing them! We gotta throw them into an active volcano or some shit!
TJ Thompson: I don’t know about destroying them. They might be dangerous, but I might be able to use them in a bad situation! You just need to nuke me afterwards when it’s time to take em off. Think about all the shit we’ve gone through! It could all be avoided if we had those Black Air Forces on! I think I’m gonna hold onto them for a while.
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: Yeah, I’m sure. Think about it! Maybe I won’t ever need to use them! But if someone really deserves to get jumped, I’ll have em! Okay. Maybe not in a situation like that. But you know what I mean. There might be a time where the fate of the world is at stake and I gotta pull out the big guns. Probably not? Yeah. Probably not. Listen. I just want an excuse to keep these things.
Lil Petey: You better be careful. Also, we should probably get outta here before you get arrested for crimes against humanity. Again. The first time was when you almost started a third world war.
The boys make a run for it as sirens blare in the distance. We fade to black.
----------------------------------
The scene opens back up to reveal TJ and Petey locking the shoebox in a gigantic safe. They finish and shove the safe into a large hole in the backyard.
TJ Thompson: Oh shit, we’re live? Damn. Nobody told me. It’s tough out here. Anyway, I told you! Dougie’s ass. Did I get bodied for 99% of the match? Yes. Did it matter in the end?!? Nope. I let that man get his offence in but he still couldn’t pull out the win! I did him a kindness and let him connect his fist with my face multiple times. But when it was time to finish it, who’s hand was raised in the end?!? Mine. I don’t lose! That felt good. That felt reaaaaal good. I’m that guy. Dougie thought he could make his name off me, but all he got was a fat L. Maybe people will learn to not attack me for no reason. Shit like this happens. Rollups, baby. Rollups of death. A win is a win. When people threaten me with all kinda things and can’t back it up, it makes me realize just how great I am. And I already thought I was pretty great. That’s in the past, though. I can brag about it the next time someone wants to jump me for no good reason. Now I gotta look to the future. What’s in the future, you ask? Another tag match. With the same partners as last time! Nice. The most unstoppable trio in the game. A whole 1-0 record! That’s undefeated! I’ve never known a loss when teaming with these guys. Nice. Swindle and I used to not like each other. And we still weren’t exactly fans of each other the last time we teamed up. But we still won! I even pinned the woman that’s now the Grand Champ! Now I’ve heard that Swindle turned into a nice person overnight. He even made amends and shit! Normally when people’s attitudes change, they turn evil. Good for him! If we can win while he’s evil, we can win when he’s a good person! And I know Archie will come in clutch again. He’s always consistent. He might have lost that WR title shot, but I have a feeling he’ll get over it. It’s time for him to bounce back.
Lil Petey: Like Sauce’s mom was bouncing on this dick-
TJ Thompson: GOTTEM!!! Wait a second…where’s Sauce? I feel like I haven’t seen him in a while. Meh. He’s a big boy. I’m sure he’s fine! Anyway, I guess I gotta talk about my opponents. It’s kinda the point of this whole thing. Johnny Levy? Didn’t I body him once already? Light work. Sonya and Giovanni are new faces, but I’ll get to them later. Let’s start with the boy Levy. Is he still on that movie shit? I think he is. I’m pretty sure it’s still going horribly. Life has not been treating this dude well. The same night I made Dougie my bitch…pause…he was getting shit on by Swindle. After seeing that he was booked after Unbreakable Resolution, I bet he was hoping to face one of Ratman’s friends for an easy dub. Nah. Ratman’s the one booking the show, so he’s trying to get his friends in good places. Levy, I kinda feel bad for you! But not really. It’s been a rough go for you so far. And it’s not getting better. How long can you keep that shit up?!? You know, the movie star shit. With that atrocious record, we all see that you’re anything but a star at this point. And confidence only works if you actually have a reason to be confident. Like me! You better include me in your next credits scene. Credit me as the ass beater or something. Or the humbler. I’d get you more money if they knew I was in your movies!
Lil Petey: You could put Gerald in them too!
TJ Thompson: Yeah! He’s a real ratings grab. Anyway, when are you gonna realize that nobody actually likes you? Just because your parents give you validation, doesn’t mean the rest of the world has to. You should be happy your parents didn’t throw you into the trash after your acting career went to shit. Aight that was a little mean. BUT AM I WRONG?!? No. I’m always right. I’m about to give the people what they want, and that’s to see you get hurt. Cruel. I know. But it is what it is. See you then!
TJ almost falls into the hole in the ground, but Petey pulls him back just in time.
TJ almost falls into the hole in the ground, but Petey pulls him back just in time.
TJ Thompson: Thanks. Who’s the other one? Let’s move on to Sonya Benson. Sonya, I kinda feel bad for you. I can’t imagine if someone tried to make me do something I didn’t wanna do. Like, imagine if I got arrested and had the choice of the death penalty or doing math, I’d probably take the electric chair. It’s not worth it, man. My pity doesn’t mean you’re safe from these hands, though. Even though you’re in a shitty situation, I still have a feeling you’re not a very nice person. Probably because you’re against the one thing I’m slightly good at. Besides Fortnite. That’s tough. But I feel like you’re even worse than Levy. You did beat those local talent dudes at Unbreakable Resolution, but that doesn’t exactly mean much. I won’t underestimate you, though. I’ve been training myself to stop losing to rollups. And then what are you gonna do? Kick me in the dick? Wait. Forget I said that. Don’t kick me in the dick.
Lil Petey: Some people pay for that!
TJ Thompson: Yeah…but I’m not one of those weird guys! I’m normal. Well, more normal than them. Anyway, I’m not Guy. I’m not the spicy serrano dude. I’m the real competition you’ve been dreading all along. The three of us are more alone than everyone you’ve faced so far. I feel like you should be shaking in your designer boots, but that’s just me. And these hands are rated E for everyone. If there was a small child in the ring with me, that kid’s getting punted! …You know…I wonder why these fans still cheer me. Anyway, your luck has run out. No more freebies. Big Drip and Squid Game is coming for that ass.
Lil Petey: AYO?!?
TJ Thompson: Shhh…finally, we got Giovanni. Do we like him? I don’t think so. I don’t really know who he is. He’s all about the arts. I’d like to think that I’m a pretty artistic guy myself! And when I mean that, I did finger painting in preschool. That’s about my peak. I’m sure it matches up with whatever art he makes, right? This guy’s a dweeb. I don’t really know what else to say. He’s some nerd that somehow stumbled his way into a wrestling ring. I don’t know what he’s doing here. I don’t know what wrestling has to do with painting pretty pictures. But I guess he made it work! He won’t make it work this time, though. Gio, I feel like you and Sonya are in the same situation. You’ve wandered through your first few easy matches without looking too bad. But it all comes crashing down here! The Drip and Squid connection about to beat that ass. Yeah. I feel like the name needs some work. You better keep the paint out of the ring. I paid too much money for those designer trunks! I’m going broke out here. Anyway, all of you have a thing outside of wrestling. But it’s gonna be in the wrestling ring where you meet your downfall. Something like that.
Petey finishes burying the Black Air Forces.
TJ Thompson: Good shit! I went through that whole thing. Nice. Anyway, good luck. Y’all are gonna need it when you’re going up against the hottest trio that’s not actually a trio in Project Honor.
We fade to black as TJ and Petey pack up the shovels.