Post by Betsy Gallagher on Jan 15, 2022 21:12:03 GMT -5
The camera fades in to a Starbucks because of course it does. Like most Starbucks, this place is pretty basic. You've got your counter with baristas that either can't spell to save their lives or intentionally misspell your name because it's freaking hilarious, people who order only one cheap drink but spend the entire day abusing the Wi-Fi to write their novel that no one will ever read, and a gaggle of girls sharing their newfound love for yoga or whatever Gwyneth Paltrow is into these days.
Soon enough, we find Betsy Gallagher at a table with three other girls but something's different about her. The camera zooms in to reveal, but mostly emphasize, that she's wearing a Beyoncé shirt. Just like every other girl at that table. They're all laughing and giggling, their eyebrows all on point. Betsy also now has the words "Live, Laugh, Love" with the image of stars tattooed on her forehead. Like the Jared Leto Joker. In her hand is a basic cup of vanilla latte, the words "Vanilla Latte" in bold letters. A close inspection reveals that her nose is also pierced but no other part of her face is and her hair is now an Ombre of blonde and red, a partial bun at the top of her head. She's also wearing yoga pants. In fact, they all are. Suddenly, she suggests taking a picture and all of them cheer and giggle and do just that.
LINDSAY: Like, OMG, I can't believe they'd put you in that match! That's so, like, offensive!
Lindsay, like, rolls her eyes as she takes a sip from her latte that she ordered with an unnecessary amount of instructions, only for it to come out like any other latte.
CRYSTAL: Same! Girl, you deserve better!
Crystal shakes her head, snapping her fingers in a Z formation for no other reason than the fact that she thinks it emphasizes her point. This could be offensive, but Crystal doesn't know. All Crystal knows is that she has rights. Rights to what? No one but Crystal knows.
BRIANNA: Like, who even is your opponent? Skylar Ramsay? Is she, like, related to Gordon Ramsay?
Brianna chuckles, turning to the other girls, as if trying to ask them to chuckle with her, even though her joke is clearly not funny and completely stupid.
BETSY GALLAGHER: Ugh, I know, right? Like, I just won that Eight-Person Tag Team Match at Unbreakable Resolution II, which means that I could now be the future Warrior Rising Champion...
Betsy speaks in an uncharacteristic valley girl accent, which isn't 100% perfect because she's not from around there. It sounds exactly like an exaggerated version of that Californian accent that SNL likes to peddle around in that skit where everyone breaks all the time. You know the one. Her mannerisms also seem to be more exaggerated, complementing that of the accent. Or at least the stereotype of a valley girl. Someone has been watching old American movies about blondes.
Unfortunately for everyone involved, Crystal butts in, interrupting the heiress of the Gallagher Wrestling Family.
CRYSTAL: Well, technically, Sonya Benson got the pin, so...
LINDSAY & BRIANNA: Ohohohohohoho!
All the girls except Betsy take their tiny sips of their coffee with a smug expression, teasing the woman who can probably powerbomb them all at the same time right through that very table. Betsy actually takes a moment to squint at Crystal, then at Lindsay and Brianna, which makes them all quiet down for a bit, before laughing with them like a complete weirdo.
BETSY GALLAGHER: Aww, girls! That is soooooo funny! We're like the Mean Girls! I so love this sorority, though not as much as I love country music and watching every episode of our favorite show, Friends.
LINDSAY: Don't forget Grey's Anatomy!
BRIANNA: Oooh, I love that show!
CRYSTAL: We all do, sweetie!
The girls continue chatting about their likes with each other, reiterating whatever kind of camaraderie this is supposed to be, with Brianna reminding everyone she studied education for no real reason and Lindsay butting in that she's studied abroad in Europe with only five Taylor Swift songs on her i-Pod, only for Crystal to interrupt with the random trivia of not drinking black coffee unless there's no other option. Out of nowhere, however, some guy walks towards them with a smile, his hands in his pockets. Behind him are three other guys, presumably his friends. Or gang if this was supposed to be set in the same year Grease was.
BRAD BRADLEY: Hey, excuse me? Don't mean to interrupt but are you Betsy Gallagher?
The girls look to each other, amazed at and seduced by how boring Brad Bradley is, before Betsy speaks up, twirling her ombre with one finger.
BETSY GALLAGHER: Why, yes I am! Pleasure to meet you!
BRAD BRADLEY: Cool, cool, cool... I'm Brad Bradley, and I just have to say, I'm really looking forward to Skylar Ramsay beating you at Ratman's Rat Race on January 21, 2022, at 8 PM EST in Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse, Cleveland, Ohio, you basic fish and chips bitch!
Brad turns to his friends and starts laughing with them. Betsy takes a deep breath while Brianna motions for her to calm down. Crystal, however, would like to speak to Brad's manager. All three of them get up from their seats at the same time while Lindsay just sits there, drinking her latte and pretending there is no war in Ba Sing Se. Brianna of course tries to calm Betsy down while Crystal puts her life in danger trying to change her name to Karen.
CRYSTAL: Excuse you! That is so rude! Like, how dare you?
BRAD BRADLEY: Oh, yeah? What are you going to do about it, you basic latte-sipping blonde bim-
Brad makes the mistake of pushing a perpetually shock-Pikachu-faced Crystal back down in her seat after just two syllables, giving Betsy an actual right to commit murder. With fire in her eyes, after ripping off her hair, which is revealed to be nothing more than a wig, Betsy takes out Brad with a debilitating lariat, almost taking out Brianna with him if she didn't surprisingly move out of the way like this was all scripted. Brad ends up on his back on the cold Starbucks floor, groaning in pain, as his mates just stand there, surprised and fearful of Betsy hulking out like that. Betsy in fact just stares them down before grabbing Brad by his head and screaming at her girls to...
BETSY GALLAGHER: MOVE!
They all do, of course, with zero hesitation, and in one fluid motion, Betsy hits the bastard with the Betsy Bomb, modified to be a double-underhook release powerbomb instead of the usual double-underhook sitout powerbomb, sending him crashing down their table. She then takes a step and scares the other guys who run out of there, fearful for their lives, parts of the tattoos on her forehead reduced to blurs and smudges. Turning to the other girls, she inhales deeply, as the interior of the Starbucks grows quiet in shock.
BETSY GALLAGHER: On the count of three... What is, like, everyone's favorite season?!
Betsy grabs her seat again and joins the other girls who starts giggling and chuckling, even though they're now seated around a destroyed table with Brad's unconscious body lying in the middle of all that splintered wood.
ALL THE GIRLS: FALL!
The camera slowly pans out, showing everyone else going about their own day like nothing happened, with the Starbucks baristas just shrugging off the murder that was committed right in their presence, before the camera blips out right on the big old Starbucks logo. Basic.
