Post by ttthet on Jan 7, 2022 19:41:31 GMT -5
Our scene starts in the parking lot after the latest edition of Proving Ground. TJ Thompson has just been broken out of the security office by Lil Petey and the two are making a run for it. A pair of arena security guards are chasing them down.
Lil Petey: So were you really gonna chainsaw that guy?!?
TJ Thompson: Nah, I only commit murder in the ring! Besides, look at what they did to me backstage after I came at him. Imagine what shit I would be in if I actually followed through!
Security #1: Get back here!
Lil Petey: Oh shit! Dawg, you owe me big time after this. Why’d you have to charge that guy with the chainsaw?!?
TJ Thompson: He jumped me two weeks ago! I can’t let that shit slide! It makes me look weak! Your boy needed to retaliate after that uncalled for attack!
Lil Petey: But you are weak!
TJ Thompson: …They don’t need to know that though. Listen. My point was made! Nobody fucks with me without eating a chainsaw! Or some other sharp object that I get my hands on!
Lil Petey: How’d you even get a chainsaw?
TJ Thompson: They had a deal at Home Depot. Also, I couldn’t bring a gun over state lines.
Lil Petey: Makes sense.
The OG Drip Boys make it to the DRIPMOBILE. Petey hops behind the wheel while TJ revs the second chainsaw he bought with the two for one Home Depot sale.
Lil Petey: Bro! Chill!
TJ Thompson: If you don’t want me to use this, drive!
The DRIPMOBILE peels out of the parking lot as we fade out.
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The scene opens up again at the Hip House. Gerald the Giraffe is pressing some buttons on a large laptop as TJ and Petey look on.
TJ Thompson: What’s going on?
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: I wouldn’t understand?!? I mean, probably not. But tell me anyway!
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
All of a sudden, a portal opens up in the middle of the room. Someone looking suspiciously like TJ Thompson tumbles out.
Other TJ: What…where am I? What happened to the hot chicks? Am I at home? Gerald? Petey? …ME?!?
TJ Thompson: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?
Other TJ: I’m TJ Thompson, dumbass! I could be asking you the same thing! Why is there some fake version of me in my living room?!?
TJ Thompson: I’m fake?!? You’re the one that popped outta some weird portal! I’ve been here the entire time, you bum!
Other TJ: HUH?!? Hey Petey! Tell this imposter who the real one is!
Lil Petey: …He was here before you came through that thing. I think he’s the real one!
TJ Thompson: Suck it! Now where the fuck did you come from?!?
Other TJ: …You tell me! You think I understand anything that happens to me?!?
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: I have no idea what that means, dog. So…you pushed some buttons and this fake version of me popped out?!?
Other TJ: Hey! You’re the fake one! If nobody can see that, maybe they’re all fake too!
TJ Thompson: Excuses. Listen, bro. You might look like me. You might talk like me. But there's only one me!
Other TJ: Fuck yeah, I'm not you. You're a bum!
TJ Thompson: …
TJ stops to consider that before lunging at the other TJ. Petey and Gerald quickly peel them away from each other.
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: Huh?!? You're saying you can test our DNA to find out who the real TJ is? How? You need a sample of the real deal!
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
Other TJ: You took samples of everyone's hair in their sleep?!? Bro! That's a violation!
Gerald pushes some more buttons and a bookshelf swings open, revealing a hidden staircase.
TJ Thompson: When did we have that built? How does a giraffe renovate without us knowing?!? He doesn't even have thumbs!
Petey, TJ, and Other TJ follow Gerald down the staircase and into a hidden underground laboratory.
Lil Petey: Ayo! When did this exist?!?
Gerald opens a cabinet and pulls out a strand of hair. He puts it in a machine and grabs a strand from both TJs.
TJ Thompson: Ow!
Other TJ: What the fuck, bro?!?
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: This is gonna prove which one is an original and which one is some fake copy?!? Perfect! Get ready to be exposed, bozo!
Other TJ: Ha! The only person getting exposed is you.
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: It could also show that we're exactly the same?!? Impossible. Look at this dweeb!
Lil Petey looks at both TJs. They look exactly the same.
Lil Petey: ...Riiiiight.
Gerald pops the strands in the machine and pushes a few buttons. The machine whirrs. After a few seconds, it beeps and everyone stares at the results.
TJ Thompson: ...We're...the same?!? HUH?!? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?
Other TJ: Yeah! I mean, look at my chiselled jawline! My rock-hard abs! My fifteen-inch di-
Lil Petey: The results don't lie! You two are exactly the same person! You must be from another dimension or something. That man Gerald must've brought you through that portal by accident!
Other TJ: I can't believe that. Man, send me back! I can't exist in the same universe as this loser!
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
TJ Thompson: Well there can't be two of us! That would be way too confusing!
Other TJ: That's something I can actually agree with…
The two TJs stop to consider that thought before running for weapons.
TJ Thompson: WHERE'S MY CHAINSAW?!?
Lil Petey: WAIT!!! CHILL!!!
TJ revs up his chainsaw while the other TJ grabs one of the beakers from the laboratory.
TJ Thompson: Get over here, boy! You're gonna get a taste of what's happening to Dougie!
Other TJ: Not unless I stab you first!
The two dive at each other but Petey and Gerald hold them back.
TJ Thompson: Let me at him! There can only be one!
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
Both TJs stop.
Lil Petey: Yeah! Haven't you guys heard of that new show called Pursuit of the Ring?!? We could send Portal TJ there to vibe until Gerald figures out how to send him home!
Other TJ: ...That's actually a good idea! If I had to stay in the same house as this clone of me, both of us wouldn't survive a day! But only on one condition...since there are two TJ Thompsons in this place, I gotta set myself apart. The entire world needs to know I'm superior. That's why in this world I'll be known as The COOLER TJ Thompson!
TJ Thompson: Whatever, bro. As long as you get outta my face!
"The Cooler" TJ Thompson: I will! And when I take the trophy home, I can't wait to rub it in your face!
TJ Thompson: And I can't wait to see you eliminated in the first round! We'll see who's cooler when I'm kicking ass in the ring when you come crawling back!
Gerald the Giraffe: *giraffe noises*
Lil Petey: Gerald's right. You should probably leave before you two try to kill each other for the third time.
We fade to black as both TJs stare each other down.
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We fade back in to reveal the original TJ Thompson in the garage, trying to fix his chainsaw.
TJ Thompson: Yeah. Y’all thought I only had one chainsaw?!? Ha! Security might have taken my first one, but I always come prepared. Dougie better watch out. You know, as soon as the boy joins Big Drip, Ozy loses his title. Is that our fault?!? Possibly. Will it create another false narrative about us?!? Probably. I feel bad for him, but I know another belt is coming his way anyway. Right? Am I just saying that to make myself feel better? I guess we’ll never know. Big Drip sure is coming along nicely. I didn’t have much hope that peeps would actually wanna join us, but I guess people hate TS more than they find us annoying. Nice. You love to see it. New friends showed up at the right time because…that boy Petey retired…again. He’ll be back. Probably. But until then, I have more people to team with and blame if we lose! Unbreakable Resolution is coming up, and I have a match against that bum Dougie Crane. I’m winning that shit, of course. And I plan on winning totally clean! But I gotta make sure I make it to the ring first. I gotta make sure nobody puts me outta action when I have my back turned to give Dougie a cheap win. It’s happened before! That’s why I need something to make sure that nobody wants to mess with me. Really, I shouldn’t need anything. Hoes should see my natural dangerousness and stay away. But I guess some people are just dumb. What do I have, you ask?!? I have a chainsaw. You saw that thing two weeks ago. But if Dougie tries to jump me again, I won’t hesitate to use it! And security won’t be there to save his ass! I can call it self-defence, right? If he tries to assault me? And I can’t go to jail? I guess we’ll find out. Petey can break me out if shit goes bad. I believe in him. Anywaaaaay…
The chainsaw turns on without TJ knowing. TJ jumps in surprise and quickly turns it off.
TJ Thompson: Shit! That wasn’t supposed to happen. I gotta get that fixed. Maybe Gerald knows how to fix it. Anyway, I guess I gotta address Dougie. Man, were you that mad?!? We beat you! Clean! Sometimes I don’t even win clean! That shows how much of a bum you are. And I guess you realized that because you decided to take your anger out on me backstage like a little bitch. It’s not my fault you’re a shit wrestler, bro. Try winning for once. Then you wouldn’t have to throw people into doors and shit like that. If you jumped people every time you took an L, half the planet would be laid out. You know I couldn’t let that slide, right? I can’t just let people attack me without retaliation! That makes me look bad. And most of the time, I already don’t look great. You’re lucky security stepped in before I splattered your guts on that ice. That’s what happens to people that fuck with me. Murder. Or at least a good scolding. But in this case, probably murder. You might have gotten the upper hand when I didn’t see it coming, but when we’re playing fair, you don’t stand a chance. Haven’t we seen that already? We have, right? In that tag match! The bell rang, and you got bodied. And you couldn’t get over it. You know what they say. I’ll fucking do it again.
Lil Petey pokes his head into the garage to see TJ ranting at his camera crew. He quickly goes back inside.
TJ Thompson: I’m good at beating the shit out of bums. It’s a talent of mine. I showed it the last time we faced off in a ring. Right, Dougie? If anyone shows a hint of weakness, I’m on them. They don’t stand a chance. I think attacking me backstage says a lot about you, Dougie. It shows your inner weakness or some shit. You know, the hidden insecurities inside of you. You put on this intimidating silent act, but you couldn’t even take a loss like a man! You had to jump me to prove to yourself that you’re still worth something in a fight. I kinda understand that. If you spend your entire life on one thing and have no other interests, I’d expect you to be pretty good at that one thing! But you’re dogshit! And we showed the whole world that! Wrestling is the only thing you’re interested in doing. You’ve devoted your whole life to it. But you’re ass! How can you be that ass?!? I have no idea. But somehow you are. You’ve done a single thing for your entire life and somehow, I’m better at it than you are. I have time to get bitches and kick your ass. Your bum ass can’t do either. I feel like you won’t deserve anyone’s respect after what I’m gonna do to you. I mean, the first time i beat you, I guess you have an excuse. You can say you weren’t even pinned or some shit. You can blame the people around you. But when I job you out, there won’t be anyone to blame but yourself! And then maybe you’ll be begging for them to release you. When you’re not able to deal with the humiliation. Maybe you can restart in Project Underground or something. I don’t really care. That’s probably more your speed anyway.
The chainsaw buzzes again at the Project Underground slander.
TJ Thompson: Sheesh! That thing has a mind of its own. It’s probably smarter than you, Dougie. I feel like you need this much more than I do. Maybe that’s another reason why you decided to jump me. You’re desperate for success! John Blade is cool and all, but when he uses 1% of his power, he’s pretty easy to beat. You’re lucky he didn’t use his full power or you wouldn’t be alive for me to pulverize at Unbreakable Resolution. Thanks, John! That new debut aura around you is starting to fade, and looking back, you haven’t exactly done anything impressive. That shit’s about to continue. And you know it. You know the people are about to move on when they realize when you’re not that special. Your career is going to shit before it even starts! You had to resort to attacking people backstage to drum up any hype around you. And when I beat your ass for the second time, all that hype’s going down the drain. You think you can use me as a stepping stone? You had your chance already, and you choked. I was right there in front of you in the ring, and you couldn’t get the job done! But here’s your second chance. Time to release all that anger out of your system! Until you fall flat on your face. Again. You’re the stepping stone in this match. Just like you were the last time we faced. Off. The sooner I have my revenge and finish this thing off, the sooner I can start fighting the real threats up in here, True Society. You might have gotten the better of me that one time, but compared to other people I’ve faced, you’re nothing.
The chainsaw buzzes in agreement. Or at least TJ thinks it’s in agreement.
TJ Thompson: You tell em! Dougie. When this is all over, we’ll still be on different levels. Your attempt to hang with Big Drip failing faster than your parent’s marriage. You’ll go slinking away to fight other bums, and maybe even win while I go back to fighting the real competitive matches. Because obviously, this one won’t be much of a fight. I hope you enjoyed the feeling of throwing me into that door because that was the closest thing you’re getting to a win in this thing. You already know what it’s like to take a fat L, so I’m sure this won’t feel too bad for you. You can’t beat me clean. We know this. The only reason you’re still alive to fight me at Unbreakable Resolution is because my chainsaw was a little late to the party. Despite anything that you say, nobody cares about you! Not a single person! They come to see me, and you’re just the poor guy ready to be squashed. Or maybe you’re not ready. It doesn’t matter to me. I’ll admit that you got me motivated to beat your ass, but the people don’t care about that. They came to see me smack someone silly, and it doesn’t matter who it is. You could be some dude off the street and they wouldn’t give a shit. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be respected by anyone. Look at me! I’m not exactly the buffest guy up in here, but I’m still more than you’ll ever be! Just kidding on the first part. I’m a greek god. But you get what I’m saying. Those self-doubts starting to show are all exactly right! Your inner demons have a point. Maybe they should go into politics. All the thoughts you have telling you that you’re not enough are speaking facts. Because you’re not! At least not enough to beat me. I’m sure you could run through some hoes in the Gatekeeper Division or something, but this match is far past the gate. You’re punching above your weight class. Even though you’re fatter than me. It’s not literal. You can’t handle me-
Lil Petey (from inside): PAUSE?!?
TJ Thompson: I DIDN’T MEAN IT IN THAT WAY!!! Anyway, what I’m saying is that you jumped the line when you messed with me. And soon, you’ll realize that when you’re staring at the lights. You’ll realize that when I beat your ass and send you back down the card where you belong! If you haven’t realized this by now, I have no respect for you. Nothing at all. Nobody does and they won’t have a reason too. Your biggest claim to fame will still be having one win over John Blade, and getting the shit kicked outta you by a star like me.
TJ drops the chainsaw and stares into the camera.
TJ Thompson: “Release Me” is what you’ll be begging me when I’m stomping you out.
We fade to black.
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We fade back in for the last time to see the Big Drip Boys at the airport, including “The Cooler” TJ Thompson. The second TJ is arguing with the receptionist about his lack of a passport.
“The Cooler” TJ Thompson: I didn’t bring my passport when I got tossed through a portal! Here. Just gimme yours! The flight’s leaving in 15 minutes!
TJ Thompson: Hell no! How am I gonna get to Unbreakable Resolution?!? Besides, I left mine at home! We don’t even have time to go back!
“The Cooler” TJ Thompson: Ugh…come on! Just let me fly! I gotta go! This is a life or death situation we’re talking about!
Receptionist: I’m sorry sir, but there’s nothing I can do if you don’t have a passport.
Lil Petey: …We’ll distract security if you run.
The camera pans away, but a loud scuffle is heard. The camera pans back to show Both TJs and Petey being tossed out of the airport by security.
“The Cooler” TJ Thompson: Well what are we gonna do now?
After those words come out of his mouth, a large private jet lands in front of them.
TJ Thompson: Huh?!?
The pilot opens the door to reveal Gerald the Giraffe.
“The Cooler” TJ Thompson: GERALD CAN FLY A PLANE?!?
Lil Petey: Didn’t we steal him from the zoo?!?
TJ Thompson: Giraffes must be evolving!
“The Cooler” TJ Thompson grabs his bags and boards the plane.
“The Cooler” TJ Thompson: When I come back, I’ll be a champion. Unlike you, faker.
TJ Thompson: Only in your dreams!
Both TJs give each other the finger as we fade to black for the final time.