The Promised Land Playhouse: Episode Two
Jan 4, 2022 16:49:29 GMT -5
gothmother, bennett, and 1 more like this
Post by Mister Wright on Jan 4, 2022 16:49:29 GMT -5
Episode Two
"Sharing Is Caring."
As The Promised Land Playhouse intro fades away, we follow through the door of the brightly lit cartoon house that seems to be bouncing around in excitement for some friendly visitors to come on inside and play. An interesting note is that the door doesn't seem to feature any kind of locking mechanism. It's always open.
There's a brief cut where we find ourselves on The Promised Land Playhouse set and it looks like a set. But it also looks real. It's a crazy combination of bright colors, inanimate objects with faces on them, and a bunch of just, well, happiness. If there was ever a location for a children's show, this would definitely be it.
Except, well, a closer look at some of the things in The Promised Land Playhouse may show that there's something a bit darker hidden beneath the happy surface. Some of the framed pictures on the wall show terrifying things like bodies on fire (the fire looks like it's actually still burning) or a random man hanging by his neck from a noose. The camera doesn't stay on any of these things too long but just long enough for those with an eagle eye to notice.
There are a few pictures that we do seem to linger on, though, for just a few seconds.
The first one is of a bright day with a blue sky and a shining sun. Unfortunately, the sun is almost blocked out by the dark wings that are obviously superimposed from a crow. These wings seem to be attached to the back of a young woman with a forced scowl on her face and a very cheap (we're talking homemade because it's just a black sheet wrapped around her like a dress) Wednesday Addams cosplay costume. Around her waist is a shiny gold plastic My First Wrestling Belt that's holding the "dress" together as much as possible. If anyone can look closely enough at the My First Wrestling Belt's plate, it says: '#%@&job Queen'.
The next one seems to have been done by a child from the horribly adorable way that it has been drawn and colored. There are a lot of trees and standing in front of them all is a big ol' stick man, complete with stick arms and legs and big ol' round body! There's even a big ol' round head to match! On the stickman's face is a hastily drawn beard that's really just some scribbled lines. There are even more scribbled lines on his rounded body to indicate sooooooo much chest hair. Perhaps clever for a child, the words 'Shave Me' are visible in the scribbled chest hair. The stickman is standing in front of a badly drawn Easy Baker Oven.
The third picture on the wall happens to be a portrait. It's of a bald man with a horribly misshapen head and some huge ears. Another child drawing it seems because there are big blue teardrops raining down from the barely visible eyes that are tucked beneath incredibly thickly drawn eyebrows. Over the shoulder of this portrait is a familiar looking car drawn to have recently been in an accident. There is fire all over the car and arms reaching out of the windows for help. A closer gander at the picture will reveal what looks to be a trail of fire... leading to the crying portrait in the foreground. It's weird. Behind one of those massive ears is a 'Family First' matchbook.
The final picture on the wall is familiar in that it seems to have been up here before. There's a huge stage in the picture, once again done up to look like the Everglades. The Everglade Stage is missing something, it just kind of feels like that. A closer look at the picture shows a pile of marionette strings on the Everglade Stage and the wooden hand controller resting comfortably on top. Hanging halfway between being in the picture and over the frame is a single black boot lace. Huh.
This is about the same moment that the door to The Promised Land Playhouse finally opens with a slide whistle sound effect. The happiness of the door opening is compounded by the chorus of children cheering! That's right, the voices of dozens of children cheer with glee as the husky frame of MR. WRIGHT steps through the now open doorway with the biggest smile on his face!
The big man is rocking some of his more casual attire this time it may seem. While his dreads are tied back nice and neatly it's super evident that he's feeling more relaxed on this visit to The Promised Land Playhouse. His black pants are wrinkle-free as advertised and you wouldn't notice the blood on his shoes if you didn't look closely. His chosen sweater of the day happens to be a green cardigan. Underneath of which he's wearing a simple black t-shirt featuring some pretty gold letters that when put together spell out: AND NEW across his barrel chest.
Mr. Wright looks up at us and offers a super big grin as he lets the door close behind him.
"Hey everyone!"
There's a pause so we all can respond to our favorite Friend!
"Welcome back to The Promised Land Playhouse!"
This is the part where we cheer. If you listen closely, you can hear the Children's Chorus do just that.
"I'm really glad you all decided to come back and play with me today! Because I've got a very, very, VERY important lesson to teach you all! It's something that every single person should really learn! Are you ready to know what it is?"
"It's Sharing!"
"You see, boys and girls, Sharing has to be one of the most important things that you could learn. And while it's true that it's good to learn how to Share when you're a child, like you all are, there are sometimes when adults need to learn this lesson too. And that's where I come in! Mr. Wright knows all about Sharing and I'm going to show you, and all the adults out there, The Wright Way to Share."
"So come on!"
Mr. Wright motions for us to follow as the scene transitions to The Promised Land Playhouse's Dark Room. The light's on and there are a lot of polaroids hanging up, all of which seem to be recently developed. A quick pass over of them shows the back of a very Valkyrie-ish head... buried in the laps of various familiar legs if the (ring) attires in the shots are to be believed. There's like a whole set here; a Society of Truth, even.
Mr. Wright pops up in front of the pictures.
"Sometimes, boys and girls, there are people in this world that get things that they don't deserve. Hard working Friends like Mr. Wright, your parents, and Charles Manson, we have to work extra hard to get the things we want. So it becomes super unfair that some people can just have things handed to them. It, well, sucks."
Mr. Wright grins.
"But! For some of those suck-sessful people just haven't been taught to play with others. They think that just because they've been in possession of something for so long, that it's theirs. Super uncool way of thinking, boys and girls. And that's where Sharing comes in."
"You see, there are a lot of people in this world. Most of which are way more deserving than a middle-aged woman trying to live out her high school suicide girl fantasies now that she's conquered her bulimia. For example, I mean. And people like that, rhetorically speaking, really shouldn't be representing anything as long as they have. Not here in the Friendship Falls, anyway."
"Friendship Falls is a place of togetherness and taking turns. And I think it's high time that the Biker Bird from Mars gives someone else a turn with the Ascension Championship. For the children. And I don't just mean my Friends out there watching at home. I mean her actual children that she leaves at home while she goes to play Bobbing For Arik every night."
Mr. Wright makes the shame-shame fingers at the camera as we transition over to The Promised Land Playhouse's Kitchen. Where everything is about as plastic and fake as you can make it. And it doesn't take long for Mr. Wright to pop up, wearing his 'Easy Baker' chef's hat. There's a big grin on his face.
"Now, boys and girls, sometimes you're not in a position to Share. And that's okay. Because when you're an Easy Baker like another person I know down in Friendship Falls, you don't really have much to offer. Which is no fun at all."
We get a sad trombone to go with the head-shaking from Mr. Wright.
"And sometimes you may really want to be involved and play with the rest of us but you're just not up to the task. And that's okay. Because true Friends like me, Mr. Wright, we'll always make sure you get exactly what you deserve. Even when you don't think you deserve it."
"Mr. Wright knows what it's like to be ignored. Mr. Wright also knows what it's like to want something handed to you. But I had to learn the same lesson that ol' Teddy Graham is learning right now and that's that sometimes you have to go to the back of the line and wait your turn."
Mr. Wright wags a finger at the camera before the next transition happens. This time we're in The Promised Land Playhouse's Basement. When the camera pans around, it looks a lot like a funeral home because there's brightly colored caskets everywhere. It's super quiet down here... until one of the caskets opens up and Mr. Wright Undertakers up with a big grin on his face.
"Surprise!"
Mr. Wright just winks in the only way someone as meta as he can, can.
"Finally, boys and girls, there's one more thing I want to talk about today. And that's the fact that you don't actually have to Share only tangible things. Things you can touch and hold, like belts of gold, are super fun but sometimes you just want to make someone feel. And Sharing your feelings can be even more important than Sharing your toys."
"Last time I was in Friendship Falls, I made a new Friend. We played together for a little while before he had to take a nap. And you know what? I had to take one too. But after I woke up, I realized that a new playdate had been set up with him and two other possible Friends! And if anyone deserved to have me Share my pain with them it was Oh Henry!"
Mr. Wright climbs out of the casket and brushes himself off for a moment.
"I owe him this. He deserves every drop of blood, sweat, and tears that I can squeeze out of him. And because I'm such a nice guy, I've got him a super special gift to go along with it!"
Mr. Wright closes the lid of the coffin and it shows off the 'Henry Lee Hyde' plaque on the front of it. It's right in the center of two other coffins that also have plaques attached to them reading: 'Valkyrie' and 'Graham Baker'.
We quickly transition back to The Promised Land Playhouse's Play Area where Mr. Wright is waiting for us with a grin.
"So what did we learn today, boys and girls?"
"We learned that forty year old women shouldn't ride bikes without kneepads."
"We learned that when it comes to fatal accidents, family burns first."
"We also learned that baked goods are super easy to handle."
"But most importantly, we learned that Sharing is Caring. And if you're going to Share... do it The Wright Way."
Mr. Wright's grin turns sinister. Evil, even.
"From your soon-to-be new Friendship Falls Ascension Champion, Mr. Wright says..."
"BYYYYYYYYYYYE!"
Fade to Pink.
Funding for this program is provided in part by the Corporation of Pirate Broadcasting
and
OnlyFriends.com and their Contributors
also
Voyeurs Like You
Thank You.
