Scream into the Oblivion; Whisper against the Destruction.

As if in slow motion, I saw Apathy come at me. I threw a dodged RIGHT but… She ducked out of the way and came up with a killer straight hit! I saw stars; literal stars! My head flew backwards and my body followed.



I was looking down at myself. Completely unconscious. Flat. Fucking. Cold. I heard the crowd gasp. I heard Apathy laugh. I felt utterly crushed. I turned away from my body lying supine on the ground. I was disgusted with myself. I lost. I fucking lost. I saw the horror on the faces around me, I saw Mama gasp and Henry rush forward.



Apathy was declared the winner and I was carried out of the pit.



Where do I go now?





I almost lost my life.

I was betrayed by someone I cared for.

I lost the person I loved.

I failed my dearest friend when she entrusted me to claim a title.

I lost my own title.





What do I do now?



Stand Up!...

Where do I go?



Anywhere you want…



My own thoughts attacked me, showering me with hatred and self-loathing. I deserved it. I fucked up. The voices, however, were ones of those I loved.





I knew that they would never say these things, but the voices were unrelenting. The voices were vile. The voices chanted my failures back at me. They sunk their teeth deep into my heart and deeper into my strength.



I hadn’t planned for this, though. But then, who does? Who plans to lose?



I got cocky. Complacent. I treated this fight with Apathy as perfunctory. I walked into that building halfheartedly, mourning myself before the bell fucking rang.



I lay in medical, my family gathered around my bed but I wasn’t there. I was somewhere else, somewhere dark. Somewhere where I was attacking myself. Somewhere where I was hiding. I was on autopilot, going through the motions. Answering the doctor’s questions in order to sign myself out.



Being released. Heading home. Chasing my family off.



Everything was a blur, except when I lit the joint. Whiskey in hand, I was going to smoke and drink my life away. Why shouldn’t I? I fucking failed.



Or was I?



That’s when I heard it…



“Bug…”



I looked around, and saw no one except myself and the person I wished I could be. The whiskey vanished from my hands. The blunt fizzed into oblivion… Then he walked up behind me. “Bug, that was an awful hit. Are you ok?” I spun around and slammed directly into Danny. What the fuck?? Was I dead?! Was the weed laced?? Had she actually killed me?? I stammered for a moment before I croaked; “That’s relative.”



He scowled at me. We walked around the nothing, the darkness chasing my heels. He talked to me, well, at me, I wasn’t really listening. I was lost in my own thoughts. When Danny finally noticed I wasn’t all there he grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. “Dru, listen to me.” I blinked a few times. “What’s that movie you loved? The Darkness one?” As he tried to rally his memory, I wiped the tears from my eyes. “The Ghost and The Darkness.” I whispered, softly.



“Yes. That one. You remember the quote? “We have an expression in Prize fighting: “Everyone has a plan until they’ve been hit.” Well my friend, you’ve just been hit. The getting up is up to you.” Right?” I knew he was right. Danny had always been right. I couldn’t hold it anymore, I cracked.



I collapsed in his arms and wept. I felt him wrap his arms around me and just hold me. He let me cry. “I had her…” I wailed, “I fucking HAD her!” He rubbed my back as I continued on about the fight. I couldn’t stop crying, wracking sobs destroyed my resolve as I held my brother. I knew this was a ghost. I knew he wasn’t actually here. But he always showed up when I needed him the most.



And after losing the Bareknuckle Title, I desperately needed him.



“You can’t break now, Dru.” His voice was soft; echo-y and soft. “People need you.” I scoffed, wiping my eyes a little with my shirt. “The Wolves need you. Robi needs you…” I started to protest but he shut me right up… “Todrick needs you. Fucksake, Dru, DANE needs you now!”



I blinked a bit, but Danny nodded behind us. I could see through the mist, barely, as he was wheeled in to medical. We could almost hear the doctors, their worry, and he was med-evac’d to the local hospital. This wasn’t good. I needed to get back… But to what?



I looked at Danny, weepy eyed and bloody. “But why? I lost it all. I’m the fucking loser dad said I was… I proved him right…” Danny lifted my chin as I looked down and growled a bit. “Never. Ever say that again Druscilla, you are Nothing that old man said. You’re beautiful. You’re smart. You’re strong. You’re everything you need.” He sighed, kissing my forehead softly. “You always were, Dru. You need to go back, you need to reclaim what’s yours and you need to be the pillar Dane and his family needs right now.”



Before I could say anything, I felt the unnatural pull in my stomach. I lurched forward as I reached out for Danny, I screamed.. Into silence…



When I awoke, I was at Dane’s bedside. The monotonous drone of the heart monitors the only sounds in his room. Allison and Bella were curled together on the couch. I ran my hand across my face, waking myself up. I sighed. Dane looked awful. Both of us had definitely looked better before Countdown. “Fuck Dane…” I whispered, touching his hand softly. “You dumb fucker, I should have been there… I should have tried harder…” I felt my phone vibrate.



How in the fuck had I gotten here? Not just in Dane’s room, but in this place of loss and regret?



I waded through the muddy emotions in my head but that’s when I realized it. Danny was right. I had just been hit. And now, I needed to decide to stand back up. If not for myself, for those around me. Diesel. Zion. Mama and Henry. Priscilla. Dane.





The fuckers that called themselves my family.



I gave Dane’s hand a final gentle squeeze and stood up. Literally and figuratively. I crept out of the room, not wanting to wake Allison or Bella and pushed past the medical staff, paparazzi, and my own Wolves.



My whole body hurt, my entire being ached, but I had things to do. I had wrongs to right. I knew what I needed to do.





As I climbed on my bike, evidently I had driven here in a whiskey and pot-fueled haze, I checked my phone. Project: Honor had released their next event. I was booked in an 8 person fight. Lovely. I had seven other people to contend with in that ring, who presumably wanted to curb-stomp me into nonexistence.



Nothing new there.





But things are different now.



I was broken.



I was lost.



I was bloody.



Did I have the fight in me anymore?





I felt on the edge of being destroyed. I had lost everything I cared about. Including my own self-respect. I knew I was better than Apathy! But, somehow, she got the better of me.



I let love slip through my fingers, again. And now, I was alone again. Watching Mario off in Miami with beautiful women. It felt like a knife in the heart every single time.





And now, the rumors have begun. Rumors of Mario finding love. I could taste blood in my mouth, I could taste regret and sadness. I missed him. I understood why he walked away, I really did, but that didn’t make my heart understand. It never would. All it knew was, it beat in a shattered state, for someone who had not looked back.





I tanked that match.



No, you tried!



I struck out with love.



Broken hearts heal…



I crumbled beneath the weight of almost dying and discovering someone’s deceit.



But you’re still here, Dru!



I came to New York, once upon a time, with a dream. I survived the nightmare that eclipsed me. I returned to my kingdom, battered but fierce, and gained a growing throng of fans.

Their screams fueled me.

Their cheers fed me.

Their banners shone the light I needed.



But now, all I could see was darkness. It was consuming me. Piercing my flesh with the chains that bound me once before. Did I have it in me to break free again… Or was this my fall from grace?



Stand back up, Dru!



My climb to the top was painful, bone-shattering, but the view was completely worth it. I had been on fire, toppling towers. Win after win after win. I couldn’t be beat!





Or so I thought.



Arriving back at Krew Towers, and parking in the garage, I schlepped back home. Dodging the doorman, ducking the Wolves who roamed the halls, hiding from Mama and Henry; I had successfully done the impossible. However, when I shut my door, there she was.



My mini me.



Priscilla glared at me, her arms crossed over her chest. “Where have you been??” I dropped my bag and helmet and shrugged off my cut while trying to speak, but she cut me off hard. “Do you know how fucking worried I’ve been?? The tower blew up, Mom!!!! Where were you? NO ONE SAW YOU! Uncle Diesel is STILL looking for you! Uncle Dane is in the fucking hospital, Mom did you know that?!” I growled. “Don’t even. I have been so damned worried!” She ran to me and slammed into me. It hurt. Like hell. She wrapped her arms around me and I sighed a bit. I understood. I had been terrified for her for years and now here she was. And I was fucking this up too! I should have called…





“Look Pris.. I’m fine.” I winced, lying through my teeth. She held me still, and I rubbed her back gently. She was 16, almost 17. She liked to think she was all grown up, but really, neither of us were. When she was born, I had made a choice I thought was best, and in doing so, I grew up to a point. But, in many ways, I was still that scared, lonely 16 year old who ran to the big city the first chance she got.



I sighed. “I saw Uncle Dane, …” She looked up at me, “Is he ok?” Her eyes, so innocent, despite it all, were focused on mine. I took a deep breath and chewed on my cheek for a moment. “No, baby, he’s not… He’s in a coma.” She gasped, I could see the tears welling in her eyes. “Later, once Auntie Allie and Auntie Bella are ready, we’ll go see them, ok?” Priscilla nodded, wrapping herself around me again, she had been worried. But, I had managed to leave the tower the night before Dane’s match. I should have stayed. I should have been there for him.



“I’ll put together some stuff for them..” I kissed the top of her head as she began to come up with ideas for Allie and Bella. She was precious, vicious and fierce. “They’ll love that, Pris.” I whispered, as I watched her zoom off to her room to grab, what I assumed, were her wicker baskets she’d been crafting lately. Reaper and Hel were stretched out over the couch, that I passed mournfully walking into my own room.



Shutting the door behind me, I collapsed onto the bed with a heavy-hearted sigh. Has the spark in my heart completely gone out?



It sure felt like it…





Fuck these voices!










“When I came into this business, I came in starry-eyed and hopeful. I watched the mighty titans in the rings as they flew through the air or pummeled someone into submission. I wanted to be like them so badly, I took the worst jobs in the business. I worked for promotions that floundered and closed. I learned everything I could. But then, I learned that so many of those I worshipped were fakes. I watched them closer as they threw punches, as they threw matches. It broke me. Was this a lie? Was the whole business a sham? The next promotion I signed with proved to me that some of these fighters were real.” I chuckled, softly, remembering my beginning. “These fighters took me under their wings, taught me what I needed to know and then threw me to the Wolves.” I smirked again, flashing a fang. “Little did they know, I RULED the Wolves.”



I laughed, my Wolves of Óðinn cut proving the statement. “I flew so high, I was untouchable. But, if you’ve been paying attention to anything around you, even the untouchable can fall. And I have stumbled. I’ve lost. But when I joined Project: Honor, I wasn’t deluded in thinking I was going to throw a perfect game. There’s an adjustment period everyone goes through.” My voice was solemn, my eyes cold. Darker. Almost feral in their glossy appearance. Different.



I was different. I had lost what I was known for, what I was… Who I was. So, what did I have to lose here?



I had nothing to lose.



Throwing myself into an 8-person match seemed like the next step in either my descent into obscurity or possibly the beginning of my next ascension. Regardless of which would happen, despite being broken and despite being lost; I was here. I was admitting I fucked up, owning my complacency and standing back up. I may have loved and lost, but I had True Society. I had Valkyrie. I had The Wolves. Yet, I still felt empty. Hollow.



“I don’t know many of you, and most of you don’t know me. That’s fine. I like it that way. But, this week, we’re all going to step into the same ring. We’re all going to be fighting for the same thing. Not just the win. Not just being the last woman standing. But to climb that Godsdamned cage and pluck the star from overhead. Sounds fairly simple. But, it never is, is it?” I leaned back against the wall, my boots propped up on a ‘shine crate. Where the fuck was I? I lit a joint, the flame illuminating my face briefly. The paint on my face, blood red, was a slash across one side. Symbolizing my having been “hit”.



“Julius, I fought you last week. You saw how well that turned out, but this time, Havoc won’t be there. Me and you, pal. Time to prove I can hold my own against you. I admit, you’re squirrely. Formidable, almost. But, I know I can beat you. I can stand on my own two feet, Julius. I never run from a fight. Ever.” As I continued to speak, the sun broke the horizon and began to shine through the dusty old windows. Casting almost eerie shadows on the old wooden floors, on which I sat.



“Elena DeDraca you seem like a real… Nah, just kidding. I don’t give a fuck about you. Just like I don’t give a fuck about Savannah Sunshine. You two are just bodies I’m going to rip apart and climb over to win. Simple as that. I don’t need to go down the road of “O.M.G. Let’s be friends!” because I have plenty of friends. I have family. They’re the ones I’m doing this for. They’re the ones I fight for. I don’t do this for the money. I don’t do this for the glory. I do this for the sheer love of breaking other people’s bones and painting the ring with your blood.” I growled, still not looking directly at the camera, the silhouette of my face was intimidating enough for now. I took a drag from my blunt and held it for a moment. Exhaling slowly, I smiled through the cloud of smoke.



“I’ve watched Jason and Slade fight. It’s cute. Much like men dancing in tutus. Cute for a moment then it’s just plain gag-worthy. Well, that’s Jason. Slade, you’re different. You’re a stablemate, you’re decent in the ring. I’ll give you that, but I think we’re both a different breed altogether. You might be the one who gives me some trouble, but then again, maybe not.” I laughed, shaking my head a bit. “But that brings me to Jacob Steele. I’ve never seen you fight, kid, nor do I care to. You’re a blip. A nothing to me. You’re just another name on the banner and another set of bones to break.” I shrugged, pulling one leg towards my chest, as I rested my arm on my knee. I wasn’t as vibrant as I had been. I wasn’t as loud. I was controlled. I was venom-filled. I was hateful. But, my voice was quiet.



“Now Matthew. You are a fair fighter. You’re also a stablemate in True Society. I’ve seen you fight. I’ve cheered for you. But today, we face one another as opponents. Stable aside, friendship’s aside, when we step into that ring; You will bend and break. I will smell your blood as it oozes from your wounds.” My growl deepened. It reverberated in loathing. My words drizzled in smoldering fire. I sneered softly, fangs bared to the camera. “Do I think I have a shot in hell winning this thing? Who the fuck knows. Do you think I’m scared to step into this fight? Fuck. No. I FEAR nothing. I FEEL nothing except unmitigated RAGE.” Well, and loss. I felt completely lost in this world. I told no one, I was shamed. I was battered and bruised, but I was still standing. And I’d show the world, come Fallout, that I wasn’t dead yet. I still had some fight left in me, and I was going to haul every single ounce of it together for this match. I’d have a good show, or I would die trying.



“Look, I’m the Drakon, the Great Beast who sets fire to the world. This will be an example of the fury I will bring. You’ve seen me rise. You’ve seen me fall. You’ve seen me smile through it all. True Society will once more stand tall over all of the Sheep before we slaughter you all! Fallout will NEVER be the same again after this show, 8 of us will enter this fight and only ONE of us will walk out…” I sneered, viciously. “So, when that cage is locked down and that bell rings, I can only offer one piece of advice to all of you…”





“......RUN……”



In a rush, I slammed the camera man against the floor, looming over the lens. I snarled as I brought my boot down thunderously hard on top of it, the last thing the camera saw was the sole of my boot which purposely held the Wolves of Óðinn decal emblazoned on it; shattering the piece of equipment causing the entire scene to go to BLACK.