Post by Ratball Slade on Jan 2, 2022 22:35:39 GMT -5
The screen opens up to Meatball in a garage working on his Harley. Sweat drips from his brow as he wipes his hands on his dirty oil covered cloth. AS always, Meatball continues to puff on his signature cigar.
Meatball: Someday soon, there will be another to add to the shelf.
The camera pans over Meatballs head where a series of awards are proudly displayed in a display case up on a shelf. It zooms in to reveal some of the award titles. "Asshole Award", "Least Likely to Succeed", "Valued Customer Award", and "Best Meat Sauce Award". It zooms back out and pans down across Meatballs giant sweaty head.
Meatball: I am a champion. A bad champion. A champion of badness. A champion of sauce. Those on my shelf are only my proudest awards. Of course I'm saving space should the day come that I earn, a certain, wrestling award. How about I tell you all about how I won each of those awards. Let's start with the first one. The "Asshole Award".
Meatball turns back to his bike and continues to work on it. As he works he begins to speak.
Meatball: You see, a guy like me makes a lot of enemies doin what I do. I garner a lot of hatred wherever I go. I'd like to think I'm damn good at it too. I'm a man who loves the hatred. I go out of my way to make sure I leave that special sour taste in their mouth after interaction with the Big Bad Meatball. The "Asshole Award" was from a competition between me and some of my gang. We all had to one up one another in an attempt to get the biggest reaction from the person we were tasked with doing something too. So when it came to my turn, my crew gave me the sweet old lady that lived just a few blocks from here. Well, I wasn't about to get beaten at my own game so I destroyed her garden and took a dump on her doorstep. Then we waited until she came outside to water her flowers. Aw man, what a hilarious display. First she ran over to her flowers sobbing uncontrollably then in all her distress when she ran back inside and stepped right in my shit! I can only imagine how far she tracked it into her house too.
Meatball smiles and nods proud of the event he reminisces about.
Meatball: Then there's my "Least Likely to Succeed" award. It was given to me at my school reunion a few years back. They wanted to remind me, that, that was what I was voted for in my senior year yearbook. Those dumb shits got no idea what I'm doin now. I can't wait to shove that award right back into their faces. The "Valued Customer Award" was given to me by my favorite cigar shop. They have a bike only drive through, installed just for my gang. It's recognition of my loyalty as a customer. They've always given me the best damn cigars and they don't suck up. My kind of people there.
Meatball stands up now done working on the Harley and puts his keys in the ignition. As he turns the keys, the motorcycle engine roars to life.
Meatball: Listen to this beauty purr.
Meatball get's distracted by the bike, now just listening to the sound, no longer telling the stories of how he won his awards. A few moments go by until Meatball glances over to the man holding the camera.
Meatball: What's that? Oh, my last award? I won it in a Meat Sauce competition. I got hobbies other than being bad. Not much more to it. I just like to make meat sauces occasionally. But that does lead me to my point. I like awards. I like prizes. I like championships. With two wins under my belt already I can only imagine I'm already on my way there. The recognition is all I need to prove'em all wrong. With two down, I have another challenge approaching. This time I'll be up against Trafalgar Law. What a shitty thing to be named after. Law? Only cowards believe in stupid things like laws. I don't believe in you Trafalgar Law. Just like the laws I break every day, you're the next law to be broken.
Meatball get's right up into the camera still puffing his cigar blowing smoke directly into the lens.
Meatball: You hear me law? I'm gonna break you! Cause that's what a Big Bad Meatball is meant to do! If I got to break every damn person they put in front of me fine, but I will take extra pleasure in breaking you. If I couldn't get stopped by a man, if I couldn't get stopped by a clown, well I'm not gettin stopped by you!
Meatball turns around and straddles his bike revving the engine a few times before throwing on his signature shades.
Meatball: It's time to go practice for my match. Let's break some laws.
Meatball revs his engine one last time before peeling out of his garage at a quickly accelerating speed. The camera begins to fade to black with only the distant sound of Meatballs Harley in the distance. Then we are left with a single logo on a black screen saying "Big Bad Inc."
Meatball: Someday soon, there will be another to add to the shelf.
The camera pans over Meatballs head where a series of awards are proudly displayed in a display case up on a shelf. It zooms in to reveal some of the award titles. "Asshole Award", "Least Likely to Succeed", "Valued Customer Award", and "Best Meat Sauce Award". It zooms back out and pans down across Meatballs giant sweaty head.
Meatball: I am a champion. A bad champion. A champion of badness. A champion of sauce. Those on my shelf are only my proudest awards. Of course I'm saving space should the day come that I earn, a certain, wrestling award. How about I tell you all about how I won each of those awards. Let's start with the first one. The "Asshole Award".
Meatball turns back to his bike and continues to work on it. As he works he begins to speak.
Meatball: You see, a guy like me makes a lot of enemies doin what I do. I garner a lot of hatred wherever I go. I'd like to think I'm damn good at it too. I'm a man who loves the hatred. I go out of my way to make sure I leave that special sour taste in their mouth after interaction with the Big Bad Meatball. The "Asshole Award" was from a competition between me and some of my gang. We all had to one up one another in an attempt to get the biggest reaction from the person we were tasked with doing something too. So when it came to my turn, my crew gave me the sweet old lady that lived just a few blocks from here. Well, I wasn't about to get beaten at my own game so I destroyed her garden and took a dump on her doorstep. Then we waited until she came outside to water her flowers. Aw man, what a hilarious display. First she ran over to her flowers sobbing uncontrollably then in all her distress when she ran back inside and stepped right in my shit! I can only imagine how far she tracked it into her house too.
Meatball smiles and nods proud of the event he reminisces about.
Meatball: Then there's my "Least Likely to Succeed" award. It was given to me at my school reunion a few years back. They wanted to remind me, that, that was what I was voted for in my senior year yearbook. Those dumb shits got no idea what I'm doin now. I can't wait to shove that award right back into their faces. The "Valued Customer Award" was given to me by my favorite cigar shop. They have a bike only drive through, installed just for my gang. It's recognition of my loyalty as a customer. They've always given me the best damn cigars and they don't suck up. My kind of people there.
Meatball stands up now done working on the Harley and puts his keys in the ignition. As he turns the keys, the motorcycle engine roars to life.
Meatball: Listen to this beauty purr.
Meatball get's distracted by the bike, now just listening to the sound, no longer telling the stories of how he won his awards. A few moments go by until Meatball glances over to the man holding the camera.
Meatball: What's that? Oh, my last award? I won it in a Meat Sauce competition. I got hobbies other than being bad. Not much more to it. I just like to make meat sauces occasionally. But that does lead me to my point. I like awards. I like prizes. I like championships. With two wins under my belt already I can only imagine I'm already on my way there. The recognition is all I need to prove'em all wrong. With two down, I have another challenge approaching. This time I'll be up against Trafalgar Law. What a shitty thing to be named after. Law? Only cowards believe in stupid things like laws. I don't believe in you Trafalgar Law. Just like the laws I break every day, you're the next law to be broken.
Meatball get's right up into the camera still puffing his cigar blowing smoke directly into the lens.
Meatball: You hear me law? I'm gonna break you! Cause that's what a Big Bad Meatball is meant to do! If I got to break every damn person they put in front of me fine, but I will take extra pleasure in breaking you. If I couldn't get stopped by a man, if I couldn't get stopped by a clown, well I'm not gettin stopped by you!
Meatball turns around and straddles his bike revving the engine a few times before throwing on his signature shades.
Meatball: It's time to go practice for my match. Let's break some laws.
Meatball revs his engine one last time before peeling out of his garage at a quickly accelerating speed. The camera begins to fade to black with only the distant sound of Meatballs Harley in the distance. Then we are left with a single logo on a black screen saying "Big Bad Inc."
