Post by Masters of the Tooniverse on Dec 22, 2021 20:27:38 GMT -5
DISCLAIMER
Due to Scheduling Conflicts with this week's episode of Archie's Asylum, Archimedes J. Manson is unavailable to record his Proving Ground promotional material. However, while on set of the Archie's Asylum Holiday Breastacular, Archiekins was able to sneak away to record some audio-only thoughts on his Season's Beatings match.
These are those thoughts...
Archimedes J. Manson
in
Shooting Blanks
Tap. Tap. Tap.
"Uhhhhhhhh... helllloooooo? Is this even on?"
"Testing Testicles! 3-2-1!"
"Oh! There we go! Alright, let's get this going because I'm totally supposed to be filming a confessional right now and if Vanity sees me doing shit for Project: Honor she's going to have kittens. KITTENS, MAN! KITTENS!"
Clearing of the Throat Noises.
"HEEELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AUDIO NURSE!"
"Tis I! The Underachieving Underdog, Archimedes J. Manson coming to you LIVE from behind the Texarkana Mooby's location! To talk to you all about <Insert Thinly Veiled Gun Reference Here>!"
"That's right, Archimedes J. Manson is all aboard the <Insert Mode Of Transportation Here> when it comes to protecting yourself and your loved ones from <Insert Something Very Dangerous Here>. And there's only one way to do that..."
Dramatic Pause.
"<INSERT SHOUTING OF PRODUCT PLACEMENT NAME HERE>!"
"Also, speaking of all of this, I'd like to formally announce my candidacy for <Insert Project Honor Championship Here>. As The People's Chumpion, I feel that it is my duty to stand up in the face of adversity. To make the whole Honorverse laugh with me alongside my soon to be victory! I will, as they say, <Insert Clever Comment About Whooping Ass Here>."
"Now, my opponents, <Insert Opponent #1's Name Here> and <Insert Opponent #2's Name Here>, are probably saying some really messed up things about me. And you know what I have to say about that? Nothing, really. I'm pretty sure they're just doing what they need to do in order to become some kind of champion."
"But I should also say some things about them too, right? That's what this is all for, isn't it? PREPARE YOURSELVES! HERE COMES THE HOTSTEPPER!"
"First of all, <Insert Insulting Comment About Opponent #1 Here>, so don't even come in here with that noise. And if you think I'm gonna' let you just walk all over me and get away with my championship thingy, then you're a <Insert Insulting Comment About Opponent #1 Here>! So, you can just <Insert Expletive Here> yourself and shove a <Insert Random Strange Object Here> right up your <Insert Vulgar Synonym For Butt Here> and choke on it!"
"Now, as for <Insert Opponent #2's Name Here>, let me tell you about yourself. You ain't nothin' but a <Insert Expletive Here> <Insert Animal Here>'s buttocks. You should think twice about climbing into the ring with The Animaniac, baby. You think you're hot stuff? Well, you can suck on a <Insert Large Animal Genitalia Here> twice! Ya' <Insert Expletive Here> bum!"
"ARCHIMEDES J. MANSON! WHERE ARE YOU?!"
"Crapola!"
The sounds of shuffling and hiding seems to be happening at this exact moment.
"I think that's my cue to get the shell out of dodge caravan. Vanity needs me on set. And I kind of don't want to get fired off my own reality show. That'd be weird."
"Anyway, Proving Ground Forever!"
"VIVA LA NARNIA!"
"This is Archimedes J. Manson signing off! And the J stands for... Just Shoot Me, Already!"
Click.
The End.