Post by Ratball Slade on Dec 19, 2021 23:33:28 GMT -5
It’s a quiet snowy night. Meatball is sitting by the fireplace in a cabin he owned somewhere in southern Iowa. He is in his coziest flame covered PJs with a book in his lap and a pipe in his mouth. Meatball looks at the camera, takes a puff of his pipe, and begins to speak.
Meatball: Hello everyone, welcome to my Cabin. How would all of you like to hear a Christmas story with your ol’ pal Meatball? I will warn you, my tale isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s a story of children's tears and everyone's least favorite type of person, clowns.
Meatball picks the book up off his lap and throws on a pair of reading glasses.
Meatball: It was a normal day like any other. I, Meatball, was out doing my normal villainous things. On this particular day, it was Christmas Eve and I was spending my day at the mall. I was playing this funny little joke you see…
Meatball picks up and places a Santa hat on his head.
Meatball: I have a wider frame you see, I am big and bad after all. Well on this day I was dressed like the one and only Santa Claus. Just for the kids at home I’ll give you a warning real quick before we go any farther…
Meatball puts the book down revealing that it is completely blank and looks to the camera with a sincere look on his face.
Meatball: You see children… SANTA AIN’T REAL! BWAHAHAHAHAHA~!
Meatball continues to belly laugh for a few moments before eventually composing himself.
Meatball: Oh boy, I love making children cry… Anyways, where was I? Oh yes! I was walking around the mall in a Santa Costume.
Meatball took a puff on his pipe then pulled his book back up into view. He readjusted his glasses and began to "read" again.
Meatball: Well being the generous man I am, I decided to rip off that band-aid for all the lucky parents walking around the mall with their children. Those damn annoying brats kept asking to sit on my lap so as far as I’m concerned they got some real shit parents. Why are you letting your children ask to sit on strangers laps? Well, whenever they asked I did the only logical thing I could think of and pulled my fake beard down and yelled at the children the words Santa ain’t real. I was really having a laugh that day. Well I continued walking through the mall like normal until I ran into another man dressed as Santa in the middle of the mall. Well as it turns out I knew the guy. This sick fuck was letting children sit on his lap when he had already been a convicted child molesters. Not only that but for his normal job he was a birthday clown. I swear those birthday clowns have a 1 in 5 chance of being pedos. Watch out for who's making your kids balloon animals folks.
Meatball shudders and almost loses his glasses. He readjusts them then continues.
Meatball: Never have trusted clowns. Their just a bunch of money grubbing pedo creeps. That6 being said, of course they'd take advantage of the season and dress up as the kids favorite holiday mascot. That being said I jumped the rail and pummeled the guy. Maybe it was just the Christmas spirit flowing through me. I may be a bad man, but even I have a heart. How dare those pedos perpetuate the lie that cause children so much cheer. Oh, and be that close to children too I suppose.
Meatball closes his book and throws it into the fire. He then brushes the dust off his hands by clapping them up and down in an asynchronous rhythm.
Meatball: That having been said, I'm not overly fond of clowns. Fortunately for me I get to knock one out at the next Underground. That's right Glum. Pedo or not, I'm gonna beat the piss outta you for all those kids who find something funny about your sad pathetic existence. That's before we factor in the fact that you can't even do that right! The Meatball was just getting started after the last episode of Project Underground. My win streak shall continue as I put away just another clown. You may have been able to put away Jupiter but this Meatball is bigger and badder than any damn planet you can think of. I even hope you have a little of that Christmas magic on your side just so I can snuff out a little more of it. BWAHAHAHAHA~!
As Meatball continues to laugh the camera slowly pulls away and dims until nothing is left but a black screen with a center graphic that simply says. “Big Bad Inc.”.
Meatball: Hello everyone, welcome to my Cabin. How would all of you like to hear a Christmas story with your ol’ pal Meatball? I will warn you, my tale isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s a story of children's tears and everyone's least favorite type of person, clowns.
Meatball picks the book up off his lap and throws on a pair of reading glasses.
Meatball: It was a normal day like any other. I, Meatball, was out doing my normal villainous things. On this particular day, it was Christmas Eve and I was spending my day at the mall. I was playing this funny little joke you see…
Meatball picks up and places a Santa hat on his head.
Meatball: I have a wider frame you see, I am big and bad after all. Well on this day I was dressed like the one and only Santa Claus. Just for the kids at home I’ll give you a warning real quick before we go any farther…
Meatball puts the book down revealing that it is completely blank and looks to the camera with a sincere look on his face.
Meatball: You see children… SANTA AIN’T REAL! BWAHAHAHAHAHA~!
Meatball continues to belly laugh for a few moments before eventually composing himself.
Meatball: Oh boy, I love making children cry… Anyways, where was I? Oh yes! I was walking around the mall in a Santa Costume.
Meatball took a puff on his pipe then pulled his book back up into view. He readjusted his glasses and began to "read" again.
Meatball: Well being the generous man I am, I decided to rip off that band-aid for all the lucky parents walking around the mall with their children. Those damn annoying brats kept asking to sit on my lap so as far as I’m concerned they got some real shit parents. Why are you letting your children ask to sit on strangers laps? Well, whenever they asked I did the only logical thing I could think of and pulled my fake beard down and yelled at the children the words Santa ain’t real. I was really having a laugh that day. Well I continued walking through the mall like normal until I ran into another man dressed as Santa in the middle of the mall. Well as it turns out I knew the guy. This sick fuck was letting children sit on his lap when he had already been a convicted child molesters. Not only that but for his normal job he was a birthday clown. I swear those birthday clowns have a 1 in 5 chance of being pedos. Watch out for who's making your kids balloon animals folks.
Meatball shudders and almost loses his glasses. He readjusts them then continues.
Meatball: Never have trusted clowns. Their just a bunch of money grubbing pedo creeps. That6 being said, of course they'd take advantage of the season and dress up as the kids favorite holiday mascot. That being said I jumped the rail and pummeled the guy. Maybe it was just the Christmas spirit flowing through me. I may be a bad man, but even I have a heart. How dare those pedos perpetuate the lie that cause children so much cheer. Oh, and be that close to children too I suppose.
Meatball closes his book and throws it into the fire. He then brushes the dust off his hands by clapping them up and down in an asynchronous rhythm.
Meatball: That having been said, I'm not overly fond of clowns. Fortunately for me I get to knock one out at the next Underground. That's right Glum. Pedo or not, I'm gonna beat the piss outta you for all those kids who find something funny about your sad pathetic existence. That's before we factor in the fact that you can't even do that right! The Meatball was just getting started after the last episode of Project Underground. My win streak shall continue as I put away just another clown. You may have been able to put away Jupiter but this Meatball is bigger and badder than any damn planet you can think of. I even hope you have a little of that Christmas magic on your side just so I can snuff out a little more of it. BWAHAHAHAHA~!
As Meatball continues to laugh the camera slowly pulls away and dims until nothing is left but a black screen with a center graphic that simply says. “Big Bad Inc.”.
