Post by Alyssa Grace on Dec 19, 2021 7:18:34 GMT -5
|| DEAR GOD. ||
SLADE VS ALYSSA GRACE VS SAVANNAH SUNSHINE VS MICHAEL BISHOP VS BILLY BENNETT.
WIRED CONSEQUENCES. NOBLE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH.
To this day, Alyssa Grace’s relationship with religion is.. complicated to say the very least. Considering the redhead was born and raised in an incredibly conservative and Christian Irish town, it isn’t surprising that she’s had experiences with the church. What may sound a little more surprising is the fact that those experiences, well, they were never really good. The last time she stepped foot into any place of worship was on the 9th of June 2020 and that was just to witness her father be laid to rest for eternity, before that miserable day, she hadn’t shown her face in the home of God since not long after her sixteenth birthday.
But, that was about to change.
Here she stood, a twenty four year old successful professional wrestler, a woman who had it all, a healthy relationship, a wonderful career and more than enough money, still smarting from the wounds inflicted by the “righteous” when she was nothing more than a child, unlike any wound she’d been unfortunate enough to suffer as a consequence of her career, this specific set of wounds were slow and festering. The kind that smarts every day in some way or another. She’d been foolish to genuinely believe she’d be able to leave all the “God loves.. God hates” stuff behind' when she physically detached herself from any religious responsibilities, she should’ve known that such deep and confusing fear is not easily forgotten.
In fact, she remembers it all as she walks up the stairs to the entrance of the Cathedral she wished she wasn’t so familiar with, she remembers being hailed an exaggerator after finding the courage to express to certain family and church members that Christianity had made her depressed and slightly obsessive. She remembers being blamed, being told that she was prone to depression and obsession in the first place, that her faith somehow got corrupted by her predisposition to psychological problems. She remembers being told she was never a real Christian to begin with, something that was basically criminal in the area she was raised. She remembers being told that if only she had prayed in faith and believing or if she loved God with all her heart, soul and mind then she would have really been saved and been able to experience the kind of peace that passes all understanding.
She remembers all the bullshit.
Alyssa didn’t come back to Ireland often, she didn’t come home often because despite being incredibly proud of her heritage, it no longer felt like home to her. But the main reason why she chose to remain as far away from the little town of Greystones as possible was because she was scared. If she travelled across the world and spent time in every country except the one she came from, if she dyed her hair outrageous colours, got tattoos that made little to no sense to anyone but her and modified her body through piercings, she could pretend to no longer be the girl that had to endure cruelty from the place that was supposed to be a safe haven, she could pretend to not know the girl who felt abandoned and betrayed by the divine being who was supposed to love her for exactly who she is, she could pretend to not even be sure if this deity being called God even existed without feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt. When she looked into the mirror she wouldn't have to see that terrified little girl who barely knew right from wrong.
Sadly, pretending to be something, pretending to be someone you know you aren’t gets exhausting after a while and that’s the exact and only reason why she’d decided to make this trip. No one else, not even her boyfriend, knew about this, she’d kept it as secret as possible because if anyone knew about this, she’d probably be called crazy. To be fair, it was a little crazy to go back to the first place that ever broke you but there was a voice bellowing at her to return, just one more time, that said voice wouldn’t be silenced until Alyssa caved.
Breaking out of the restrictive, mind-controlling religion was liberating, a lot of her problems came to an end but making the break was also the most disruptive and difficult upheaval she’s ever experienced. Rejecting the religious model of reality that had been passed on through generations of the O’Bryant family was a major cognitive and emotional disruption and considering just how sincere, devout and dedicated she was moulded to be throughout her younger years, she was, to put it bluntly, left traumatized when her religious world crumbled. As toxic as it might have been, her “relationship” with God was a central assumption of her life for years, at one point it was all she knew so giving it up felt like an enormous loss to be grieved and to some extent, it still is exactly that. On top of that came the loss of family and friends, and whilst the Alyssa presented to the public today does not care much about approval of others, the Alyssa back then was understandably heartbroken to have lost the people who, like God, were supposed to love and care for her for exactly who she is.
She hesitated once again as she reached the top of the stairs, she now stood face to face with the doors of the church, through the windows she could see that (thankfully), there didn’t seem to be many people sitting in the pews. She didn’t realise other people seemed to also want to go and just think.. she didn’t realise people even voluntarily attended church for any other reason than sitting through Sunday mass. A part of Alyssa wished her view on the whole thing wasn’t so skewed, the very few who did know her strong opinions on the topic didn’t understand why she could be rather hostile, after all religious trauma is difficult to see because it is camouflaged by the respectability of religion in modern society. It was now or never, Alyssa knew that and she hadn’t come so far just to come this far so after taking a deep breath, she slipped into the building, remaining unnoticed for the most part, the people seemed far too invested in their own personal prayer to care about her arrival and Alyssa aimed to keep it that way. She sat in silence, right at the back and took a moment to just look around. Honestly, she was expecting the whole ordeal to be about one hundred times worse than it turned out to be, her breathing didn’t become erratic, she didn’t feel like she was on the verge of breaking into tears, she didn’t feel like she wanted to just run away and curse herself for ever even thinking this was a good idea, she felt normal.
Alyssa found herself so consumed by her mind that she was totally oblivious to the fact a kind looking middle aged woman had taken a seat beside her, she jumped a little and then smiled apologetically at the woman. “Sorry, I just got caught up in my own head for a minute there.” She tried to explain with a nervous laugh, she felt a little nervous as the woman seemed to just be staring at her, it wasn’t in a strange way or a way that made her feel uncomfortable.. she just wasn’t sure how to approach or handle this situation.
“It’s okay, you’ll have to forgive me for prying, are you okay child? You’ve looked a little gloomy since arriving. Everyone is welcome here in our church and we do our best to accommodate the needs of everyone, so is there anything you need?” The woman spoke in a manner that made Alyssa trust her automatically, well not fully trust her, but there was enough trust to maintain a basic conversation.
“I think I’m okay, I appreciate the concern, I didn’t mean to cause worry.” The smile on Alyssa’s face wasn’t exactly fake but it wasn’t exactly genuine either, she really hadn’t intended to have a negative aura or anything along those lines. A part of her hoped the conversation would end here but the other woman seemed to have other plans in mind.
“Are you new to the area? I don’t believe I’ve seen you around before but you do look a little familiar.”
Alyssa shook her head. “I was born here but I don’t live here anymore for work purposes, it’s been quite some time since I’ve been around.” Alyssa was careful with her words, she wasn’t about to sit here and relay her entire life story to a stranger. Said stranger seemed to pick up on her hesitation and extended a hand which Alyssa took and shook gingerly.
“I’m Anne, the pastor’s assistant.”
“Alyssa and I haven’t been to church in a long time.”
“Well, I’m certainly glad you’ve decided to pop in. If you feel comfortable enough to do so, tell me, what’s your reasoning for coming here today? Do you wish to confess, to repent, to pray, to reflect or do you just need a safe and quiet place to be alone with your thoughts?”
Alyssa shrugged. Honestly, the reasoning for her trip was a slight combination of everything Anne had just said, it was also for her to get over her irrational fear of the place. “I’m not entirely sure. I have.. something big coming up in my job soon, it’s a huge opportunity and I’ve earned it rather quickly. I'm nervous and excited to try my best to make the most out of it but the magnitude has me feeling a little shaken. I think I’m here for several reasons.”
Anne nodded and fell silent, almost as if she was analysing what she had just been told. For Alyssa, it was oddly refreshing to get things off her chest to someone she didn’t know. Yes, she had a wonderful support system that she used whenever she needed to, yes she loved and was forever grateful for those who offered their unconditional support during her times of need but sometimes they couldn’t provide the one thing she needed - an outsiders unbiased perspective. “Would you like to continue this conversation in my husband’s office? It’s more private in there and you look like there’s a lot you need to get off your chest.”
Against her better judgement, Alyssa nodded in agreement and found herself seated in a rather quaint and stereotypically decorated office, a mug of steaming hot tea before her. “I don’t quite know where to begin.” Alyssa started with a sheepish smile, her hands in her lap.
“Take your time my child, there is plenty of it.” Anne offered a kind smile, one that did help to ease Alyssa. The redhead sighed and decided to just speak freely.
“I come from a very religious background, my family haven’t always been the poster children of Christianity and the environment I was subject to up until I was sixteen was not the healthiest. I lost my way after years of putting up with unnecessarily harsh judgement and cruel remarks that I’m afraid to repeat in such a holy place.” Alyssa half joked, leaning forwards and taking a sip of her drink before continuing. “There are some areas that are difficult for me to talk about but to skip to the point, I left home, I left this place as soon as I could, I fled this small town to pursue my dreams and I left everything behind without giving anything a second thought. To be clear, I do not regret that part. No, I’m honestly blessed to live the life I do, I get to travel the world and perform in front of all kinds of people, I have met some incredible people including the love of my life and I have everything I need. I would not exchange my career for anything.” Whenever Alyssa spoke about wrestling, she practically glowed, her passion for the sport had been undeniable ever since the beginning. “I’m a wrestler.” She explained after noticing the expression on Anne’s face, almost as if she wanted to inquire more into it but not being sure if that was a sensible idea. “Probably not what you were expecting to hear but I truly do love it.”
“I am in no position to judge you, I believe it’s commendable to follow your dreams, even if the measures you took were rather drastic by the standards of many. It’s nice to see a young person evidently so passionate about the things they have in life. Honestly, I’m struggling to locate the issue here, you managed to escape an environment that clearly wasn’t good for you and now you’re living the dream.”
“That’s true and honestly I hope you don’t feel like I’m complaining because I do know I am luckier than most but my life may sound close to perfect but truthfully, it isn’t. I took a huge risk when I left this town and I’m lucky it paid off. I sacrificed just about everything to be where I am today and for a long time, I wondered if I made the right choice. I have not always been a very good or honourable woman, I have tried to be but I haven’t always been successful. I pretty much abandoned my faith and since then I’ve been rebellious in nature, I’ve caused physical and emotional harm to others and written it off as just doing my job and I’ve made more mistakes than I can count. But I also tried the opposite, I’ve tried being respectable, kind and sweet to every person I’ve ever come across, I’ve tried being the perfect person, I’ve tried being normal because I thought it’d give me some peace but it hasn’t.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you’re struggling to find the middle ground between being what you consider good and bad?” Alyssa nodded at her question and Anne placed a finger on her chin, thinking for a moment or two. “I’d say that’s a common struggle. I don’t say that to invalidate how you feel, more as a way to remind you that you aren’t alone. You mentioned that you haven’t been here in quite some time, did you or do you think coming home and returning to your roots would help you in finding that balance?”
Now Alyssa took a moment to think, she honestly hadn’t consciously considered that, but it could very well be a possibility. “Maybe, it’s confusing trying to find peace. Life tends to have a funny way of showing certain horrors and no matter how hard I’ve tried to ignore them, they’ve become a part of my everyday life. Honestly, I feel like this is my only option. I do not have a good relationship with my family, my father passed on just over a year ago, my siblings and I barely speak, I don’t even know if either of them live here anymore and my mother still has her back turned on me because I now look, act and think differently. My profession may be the root of my happiness but it has also been the root of my downfall.”
“Have you ever considered undertaking a different profession?”
“No.” Alyssa snapped, offended at the suggestion. “And I never will. It is my passion, my pride and joy, it is the only thing I can confidently say I am great at and I’m not willing to give that up just yet, I can’t let this crumble and die and my hand because I’ve worked so hard to get where I am now but sometimes I don’t know if I am strong enough to keep it together. I want to be the woman who’s always secure and assured in her emotions and decision making but I do not know if that is possible. My plight is selfish, for so long I tried to fight against the seven deadly sins but now I see that I am guilty of perhaps them all. As disconnected from my faith as I feel, the fear of leaving this Earth as a sinner, as someone who did not live a good and meaningful life terrifies me.”
“You are no different than even the best of people I see who come and go every week. It’s like the saying goes, hate the sin, love the sinner. Even when you sin, you are worthy of good things. We all get angry, attack, accuse, make mistakes, fail and fall to temptation, sometimes that happens deliberately too, it does not make you any less worthy. It is a loving rebuke to promote dignity, to offer respect and to reject shame. Christ did not die so that believers would hate themselves or anyone else. People, and especially God, are more forgiving than you may think. Even if you do not believe it for whatever reason, I believe that God has a plan for you. Coming to terms with the fact that you’re walking down a different path than others and that if you don’t let go of the hands of the people who stand in the way of you living your definition of a meaningful and good life, perhaps even members in the Christian community, you’ll be dismembered is hard but you seem to be an intelligent young woman who understands this. The fact you’re here, admitting to the things you have been tells me that this is the beginning of the road that’ll free you from this conundrum.”
Alyssa merely sat and listened, the things she was being told did make some sense and it was beginning to clear her mind in regards to her upcoming championship match, it was vital for her to approach that situation as level headed as possible for she knows what it takes to win the big one, focus, determination, drive and desire. “Thank you.” She smiled softly before running a hand through her hair and leaning back. “Perhaps if I use these negative feelings as motivation.. I can turn them into something positive. I wish it was possible for me to be in control of every aspect of my life but that just isn’t realistic.. I should dedicate more of my time and energy on the things I do have control over instead of desperately trying to change the past for that isn’t helping me get to the places I want to be at.”
Anne smiled at Alyssa like a proud mother, Alyssa appeared to be less conflicted now in comparison to the state she was in when she found her, the redhead appeared to be calmer and not as directionless. Of course Anne couldn’t solve everything but she was happy to help people like Alyssa, guidance is sometimes needed for the best of us. “If you don’t mind back tracking a little to you mentioning the Seven Deadly Sins, there may be a way for you to counter that. Are you familiar with The Seven Contrary Virtues?” When Alyssa shook her head, Anne continued. “They were derived from the Psychomachia and practicing them is alleged to protect one against temptation towards the Seven Deadly Sins. Pride is said to be the foremost of the sins - to counter it, remember to be humble. To counter envy, remember to be kind. To counter gluttony, remember to practice abstinence when necessary. To counter lust, practice chastity. To counter anger, have patience. To counter greed, have liberality and to counter sloth, have diligence. Now, it might not always be applicable or that simple but if you at least keep those things in consideration, I think you’re capable of making a large amount of positive progress.”
Finishing off her drink, Alyssa tapped the mug absentmindedly, a million and one thoughts rushing through her mind, she’d have to remember this conversation for the things she had listened to had helped put a few things into perspective. “Yeah.. I can do that. Or I can at least try to.”
“After all, that is all that should ever be asked of you. That you try.”
“This has been very helpful, more than I imagined it would be. Thank you, truly.” Alyssa beamed and gradually got to her feet, stretching in the process. She offered Anne her hand but the older woman rose to her feet and pulled her into a hug instead.
“It’s my pleasure. You can thank me by keeping following your heart no matter what and not forgetting who you are and who you want to be.”
“I can do that. Always.”
“Good. Will I be seeing you around here again?”
“Maybe, I’m not sure. I still have a lot to work through, I’ll get there, but one step at a time.”
“That’s understandable. I’m glad I was able to meet and help you a little today.”
“Me too. And hey, if you don’t see my face here for sometime, you can always catch me on TV!” Alyssa joked before turning to make her leave, she didn’t want to take up any more time, not when there were other things that needed to be said and done.
“I’ll remember that. Have a good day Alyssa.”
“You too.”
As she headed back out into the cool December air, Alyssa took a moment to just be. She stood and let the wind rush through her hair, she stood and closed her eyes and just let herself be. Somewhere between this moment and six years ago, Alyssa grew up. She had realised this before, in the kitchen as she finished washing her dishes, whilst dinner simmered on the stove and her bedding spun circles in the dryer. She’d realised long ago that she could no longer remember the last day she hadn’t checked her emails or the last morning she went without a strong cup of coffee.
It’s habitual now. She shops for her own groceries. She sets her own alarms. She fills her own gas tank and ties her own shoes. Alyssa wears her independence like an accessory, like an identity, like something she’s always known but it wasn’t always there. There was a time where she was called downstairs for breakfast, when she sat in the backseat, when she counted the seconds until her next birthday. The transition from one stage of her life to the next was supposed to be obvious but somehow she had missed it.
The days were beginning to get shorter but she’s endured them before. At some point she had just learned how to handle things and at some point she would learn how to handle all the new things, thoughts and feelings.
The darker days don’t scare her like they used to.
Alyssa’s older now.
She’s less afraid.
But, that was about to change.
Here she stood, a twenty four year old successful professional wrestler, a woman who had it all, a healthy relationship, a wonderful career and more than enough money, still smarting from the wounds inflicted by the “righteous” when she was nothing more than a child, unlike any wound she’d been unfortunate enough to suffer as a consequence of her career, this specific set of wounds were slow and festering. The kind that smarts every day in some way or another. She’d been foolish to genuinely believe she’d be able to leave all the “God loves.. God hates” stuff behind' when she physically detached herself from any religious responsibilities, she should’ve known that such deep and confusing fear is not easily forgotten.
In fact, she remembers it all as she walks up the stairs to the entrance of the Cathedral she wished she wasn’t so familiar with, she remembers being hailed an exaggerator after finding the courage to express to certain family and church members that Christianity had made her depressed and slightly obsessive. She remembers being blamed, being told that she was prone to depression and obsession in the first place, that her faith somehow got corrupted by her predisposition to psychological problems. She remembers being told she was never a real Christian to begin with, something that was basically criminal in the area she was raised. She remembers being told that if only she had prayed in faith and believing or if she loved God with all her heart, soul and mind then she would have really been saved and been able to experience the kind of peace that passes all understanding.
She remembers all the bullshit.
Alyssa didn’t come back to Ireland often, she didn’t come home often because despite being incredibly proud of her heritage, it no longer felt like home to her. But the main reason why she chose to remain as far away from the little town of Greystones as possible was because she was scared. If she travelled across the world and spent time in every country except the one she came from, if she dyed her hair outrageous colours, got tattoos that made little to no sense to anyone but her and modified her body through piercings, she could pretend to no longer be the girl that had to endure cruelty from the place that was supposed to be a safe haven, she could pretend to not know the girl who felt abandoned and betrayed by the divine being who was supposed to love her for exactly who she is, she could pretend to not even be sure if this deity being called God even existed without feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt. When she looked into the mirror she wouldn't have to see that terrified little girl who barely knew right from wrong.
Sadly, pretending to be something, pretending to be someone you know you aren’t gets exhausting after a while and that’s the exact and only reason why she’d decided to make this trip. No one else, not even her boyfriend, knew about this, she’d kept it as secret as possible because if anyone knew about this, she’d probably be called crazy. To be fair, it was a little crazy to go back to the first place that ever broke you but there was a voice bellowing at her to return, just one more time, that said voice wouldn’t be silenced until Alyssa caved.
Breaking out of the restrictive, mind-controlling religion was liberating, a lot of her problems came to an end but making the break was also the most disruptive and difficult upheaval she’s ever experienced. Rejecting the religious model of reality that had been passed on through generations of the O’Bryant family was a major cognitive and emotional disruption and considering just how sincere, devout and dedicated she was moulded to be throughout her younger years, she was, to put it bluntly, left traumatized when her religious world crumbled. As toxic as it might have been, her “relationship” with God was a central assumption of her life for years, at one point it was all she knew so giving it up felt like an enormous loss to be grieved and to some extent, it still is exactly that. On top of that came the loss of family and friends, and whilst the Alyssa presented to the public today does not care much about approval of others, the Alyssa back then was understandably heartbroken to have lost the people who, like God, were supposed to love and care for her for exactly who she is.
She hesitated once again as she reached the top of the stairs, she now stood face to face with the doors of the church, through the windows she could see that (thankfully), there didn’t seem to be many people sitting in the pews. She didn’t realise other people seemed to also want to go and just think.. she didn’t realise people even voluntarily attended church for any other reason than sitting through Sunday mass. A part of Alyssa wished her view on the whole thing wasn’t so skewed, the very few who did know her strong opinions on the topic didn’t understand why she could be rather hostile, after all religious trauma is difficult to see because it is camouflaged by the respectability of religion in modern society. It was now or never, Alyssa knew that and she hadn’t come so far just to come this far so after taking a deep breath, she slipped into the building, remaining unnoticed for the most part, the people seemed far too invested in their own personal prayer to care about her arrival and Alyssa aimed to keep it that way. She sat in silence, right at the back and took a moment to just look around. Honestly, she was expecting the whole ordeal to be about one hundred times worse than it turned out to be, her breathing didn’t become erratic, she didn’t feel like she was on the verge of breaking into tears, she didn’t feel like she wanted to just run away and curse herself for ever even thinking this was a good idea, she felt normal.
Alyssa found herself so consumed by her mind that she was totally oblivious to the fact a kind looking middle aged woman had taken a seat beside her, she jumped a little and then smiled apologetically at the woman. “Sorry, I just got caught up in my own head for a minute there.” She tried to explain with a nervous laugh, she felt a little nervous as the woman seemed to just be staring at her, it wasn’t in a strange way or a way that made her feel uncomfortable.. she just wasn’t sure how to approach or handle this situation.
“It’s okay, you’ll have to forgive me for prying, are you okay child? You’ve looked a little gloomy since arriving. Everyone is welcome here in our church and we do our best to accommodate the needs of everyone, so is there anything you need?” The woman spoke in a manner that made Alyssa trust her automatically, well not fully trust her, but there was enough trust to maintain a basic conversation.
“I think I’m okay, I appreciate the concern, I didn’t mean to cause worry.” The smile on Alyssa’s face wasn’t exactly fake but it wasn’t exactly genuine either, she really hadn’t intended to have a negative aura or anything along those lines. A part of her hoped the conversation would end here but the other woman seemed to have other plans in mind.
“Are you new to the area? I don’t believe I’ve seen you around before but you do look a little familiar.”
Alyssa shook her head. “I was born here but I don’t live here anymore for work purposes, it’s been quite some time since I’ve been around.” Alyssa was careful with her words, she wasn’t about to sit here and relay her entire life story to a stranger. Said stranger seemed to pick up on her hesitation and extended a hand which Alyssa took and shook gingerly.
“I’m Anne, the pastor’s assistant.”
“Alyssa and I haven’t been to church in a long time.”
“Well, I’m certainly glad you’ve decided to pop in. If you feel comfortable enough to do so, tell me, what’s your reasoning for coming here today? Do you wish to confess, to repent, to pray, to reflect or do you just need a safe and quiet place to be alone with your thoughts?”
Alyssa shrugged. Honestly, the reasoning for her trip was a slight combination of everything Anne had just said, it was also for her to get over her irrational fear of the place. “I’m not entirely sure. I have.. something big coming up in my job soon, it’s a huge opportunity and I’ve earned it rather quickly. I'm nervous and excited to try my best to make the most out of it but the magnitude has me feeling a little shaken. I think I’m here for several reasons.”
Anne nodded and fell silent, almost as if she was analysing what she had just been told. For Alyssa, it was oddly refreshing to get things off her chest to someone she didn’t know. Yes, she had a wonderful support system that she used whenever she needed to, yes she loved and was forever grateful for those who offered their unconditional support during her times of need but sometimes they couldn’t provide the one thing she needed - an outsiders unbiased perspective. “Would you like to continue this conversation in my husband’s office? It’s more private in there and you look like there’s a lot you need to get off your chest.”
Against her better judgement, Alyssa nodded in agreement and found herself seated in a rather quaint and stereotypically decorated office, a mug of steaming hot tea before her. “I don’t quite know where to begin.” Alyssa started with a sheepish smile, her hands in her lap.
“Take your time my child, there is plenty of it.” Anne offered a kind smile, one that did help to ease Alyssa. The redhead sighed and decided to just speak freely.
“I come from a very religious background, my family haven’t always been the poster children of Christianity and the environment I was subject to up until I was sixteen was not the healthiest. I lost my way after years of putting up with unnecessarily harsh judgement and cruel remarks that I’m afraid to repeat in such a holy place.” Alyssa half joked, leaning forwards and taking a sip of her drink before continuing. “There are some areas that are difficult for me to talk about but to skip to the point, I left home, I left this place as soon as I could, I fled this small town to pursue my dreams and I left everything behind without giving anything a second thought. To be clear, I do not regret that part. No, I’m honestly blessed to live the life I do, I get to travel the world and perform in front of all kinds of people, I have met some incredible people including the love of my life and I have everything I need. I would not exchange my career for anything.” Whenever Alyssa spoke about wrestling, she practically glowed, her passion for the sport had been undeniable ever since the beginning. “I’m a wrestler.” She explained after noticing the expression on Anne’s face, almost as if she wanted to inquire more into it but not being sure if that was a sensible idea. “Probably not what you were expecting to hear but I truly do love it.”
“I am in no position to judge you, I believe it’s commendable to follow your dreams, even if the measures you took were rather drastic by the standards of many. It’s nice to see a young person evidently so passionate about the things they have in life. Honestly, I’m struggling to locate the issue here, you managed to escape an environment that clearly wasn’t good for you and now you’re living the dream.”
“That’s true and honestly I hope you don’t feel like I’m complaining because I do know I am luckier than most but my life may sound close to perfect but truthfully, it isn’t. I took a huge risk when I left this town and I’m lucky it paid off. I sacrificed just about everything to be where I am today and for a long time, I wondered if I made the right choice. I have not always been a very good or honourable woman, I have tried to be but I haven’t always been successful. I pretty much abandoned my faith and since then I’ve been rebellious in nature, I’ve caused physical and emotional harm to others and written it off as just doing my job and I’ve made more mistakes than I can count. But I also tried the opposite, I’ve tried being respectable, kind and sweet to every person I’ve ever come across, I’ve tried being the perfect person, I’ve tried being normal because I thought it’d give me some peace but it hasn’t.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you’re struggling to find the middle ground between being what you consider good and bad?” Alyssa nodded at her question and Anne placed a finger on her chin, thinking for a moment or two. “I’d say that’s a common struggle. I don’t say that to invalidate how you feel, more as a way to remind you that you aren’t alone. You mentioned that you haven’t been here in quite some time, did you or do you think coming home and returning to your roots would help you in finding that balance?”
Now Alyssa took a moment to think, she honestly hadn’t consciously considered that, but it could very well be a possibility. “Maybe, it’s confusing trying to find peace. Life tends to have a funny way of showing certain horrors and no matter how hard I’ve tried to ignore them, they’ve become a part of my everyday life. Honestly, I feel like this is my only option. I do not have a good relationship with my family, my father passed on just over a year ago, my siblings and I barely speak, I don’t even know if either of them live here anymore and my mother still has her back turned on me because I now look, act and think differently. My profession may be the root of my happiness but it has also been the root of my downfall.”
“Have you ever considered undertaking a different profession?”
“No.” Alyssa snapped, offended at the suggestion. “And I never will. It is my passion, my pride and joy, it is the only thing I can confidently say I am great at and I’m not willing to give that up just yet, I can’t let this crumble and die and my hand because I’ve worked so hard to get where I am now but sometimes I don’t know if I am strong enough to keep it together. I want to be the woman who’s always secure and assured in her emotions and decision making but I do not know if that is possible. My plight is selfish, for so long I tried to fight against the seven deadly sins but now I see that I am guilty of perhaps them all. As disconnected from my faith as I feel, the fear of leaving this Earth as a sinner, as someone who did not live a good and meaningful life terrifies me.”
“You are no different than even the best of people I see who come and go every week. It’s like the saying goes, hate the sin, love the sinner. Even when you sin, you are worthy of good things. We all get angry, attack, accuse, make mistakes, fail and fall to temptation, sometimes that happens deliberately too, it does not make you any less worthy. It is a loving rebuke to promote dignity, to offer respect and to reject shame. Christ did not die so that believers would hate themselves or anyone else. People, and especially God, are more forgiving than you may think. Even if you do not believe it for whatever reason, I believe that God has a plan for you. Coming to terms with the fact that you’re walking down a different path than others and that if you don’t let go of the hands of the people who stand in the way of you living your definition of a meaningful and good life, perhaps even members in the Christian community, you’ll be dismembered is hard but you seem to be an intelligent young woman who understands this. The fact you’re here, admitting to the things you have been tells me that this is the beginning of the road that’ll free you from this conundrum.”
Alyssa merely sat and listened, the things she was being told did make some sense and it was beginning to clear her mind in regards to her upcoming championship match, it was vital for her to approach that situation as level headed as possible for she knows what it takes to win the big one, focus, determination, drive and desire. “Thank you.” She smiled softly before running a hand through her hair and leaning back. “Perhaps if I use these negative feelings as motivation.. I can turn them into something positive. I wish it was possible for me to be in control of every aspect of my life but that just isn’t realistic.. I should dedicate more of my time and energy on the things I do have control over instead of desperately trying to change the past for that isn’t helping me get to the places I want to be at.”
Anne smiled at Alyssa like a proud mother, Alyssa appeared to be less conflicted now in comparison to the state she was in when she found her, the redhead appeared to be calmer and not as directionless. Of course Anne couldn’t solve everything but she was happy to help people like Alyssa, guidance is sometimes needed for the best of us. “If you don’t mind back tracking a little to you mentioning the Seven Deadly Sins, there may be a way for you to counter that. Are you familiar with The Seven Contrary Virtues?” When Alyssa shook her head, Anne continued. “They were derived from the Psychomachia and practicing them is alleged to protect one against temptation towards the Seven Deadly Sins. Pride is said to be the foremost of the sins - to counter it, remember to be humble. To counter envy, remember to be kind. To counter gluttony, remember to practice abstinence when necessary. To counter lust, practice chastity. To counter anger, have patience. To counter greed, have liberality and to counter sloth, have diligence. Now, it might not always be applicable or that simple but if you at least keep those things in consideration, I think you’re capable of making a large amount of positive progress.”
Finishing off her drink, Alyssa tapped the mug absentmindedly, a million and one thoughts rushing through her mind, she’d have to remember this conversation for the things she had listened to had helped put a few things into perspective. “Yeah.. I can do that. Or I can at least try to.”
“After all, that is all that should ever be asked of you. That you try.”
“This has been very helpful, more than I imagined it would be. Thank you, truly.” Alyssa beamed and gradually got to her feet, stretching in the process. She offered Anne her hand but the older woman rose to her feet and pulled her into a hug instead.
“It’s my pleasure. You can thank me by keeping following your heart no matter what and not forgetting who you are and who you want to be.”
“I can do that. Always.”
“Good. Will I be seeing you around here again?”
“Maybe, I’m not sure. I still have a lot to work through, I’ll get there, but one step at a time.”
“That’s understandable. I’m glad I was able to meet and help you a little today.”
“Me too. And hey, if you don’t see my face here for sometime, you can always catch me on TV!” Alyssa joked before turning to make her leave, she didn’t want to take up any more time, not when there were other things that needed to be said and done.
“I’ll remember that. Have a good day Alyssa.”
“You too.”
As she headed back out into the cool December air, Alyssa took a moment to just be. She stood and let the wind rush through her hair, she stood and closed her eyes and just let herself be. Somewhere between this moment and six years ago, Alyssa grew up. She had realised this before, in the kitchen as she finished washing her dishes, whilst dinner simmered on the stove and her bedding spun circles in the dryer. She’d realised long ago that she could no longer remember the last day she hadn’t checked her emails or the last morning she went without a strong cup of coffee.
It’s habitual now. She shops for her own groceries. She sets her own alarms. She fills her own gas tank and ties her own shoes. Alyssa wears her independence like an accessory, like an identity, like something she’s always known but it wasn’t always there. There was a time where she was called downstairs for breakfast, when she sat in the backseat, when she counted the seconds until her next birthday. The transition from one stage of her life to the next was supposed to be obvious but somehow she had missed it.
The days were beginning to get shorter but she’s endured them before. At some point she had just learned how to handle things and at some point she would learn how to handle all the new things, thoughts and feelings.
The darker days don’t scare her like they used to.
Alyssa’s older now.
She’s less afraid.
— — —
This is going to be fun.
I always enjoy being able to scrap with familiar and unfamiliar faces alike. Before I get too into things, let me make something clear. What people like Billy and Slade who are currently complete strangers to me have heard about me or what they may not have heard about me makes absolutely no difference to me. I know who I am and what I do and knowing what I know, I can afford to make a couple guarantees about what’s going to happen at Wired Consequences. I’ve been doing this for a while now and I’ve had the pleasure of stepping in the ring with and beating the absolute best, I truly believe I’m past the point of having to prove anything to anyone and even if I did have something to prove, I don’t like doing it with my mouth. The points I make are proven from the second my theme song hits to the second I walk away and those bold enough to doubt me are left in a pool of their own blood, teeth and whatever else. I’ve been involved in death matches, in last woman standing matches, in ladder matches, fuck, a chair shot to the back is pretty much my morning coffee, give me a stipulation and the chances of me not only competing in but winning that match are high. I haven’t given the stipulation of this bout much thought, it can remain as unknown for as long as possible, it doesn’t matter to me because nothing, I mean nothing, is going to stand in my way of taking home that Noble Championship. Look at it this way, most people with sense know that if you’re going to beat me, it sure as hell won’t be while I’m alive or fully awake. Every single day, I awake and I immediately make the decision to keep fighting, I fight with every fibre of my being, I fight my inner demons, my self regret, my enemies and sometimes, not to be depressing or anything, in and out of this business, it truly does feel like the world is against me. I don’t stop fighting until I am physically incapable of standing on one foot, until I no longer have the will to keep my eyes open anymore – and then I awake to repeat the process hours later. We, as competitors have sacrificed peace for pain, we’ve all subject ourselves to anguish in one way or another, some a little more than others, this shit isn't easy. I’ve sacrificed more than enough to be here today and my endgame is to rule over the industry as the undisputed greatest. When I look at this industry, when I look at the state of current affairs, I see fires all around me.. so why not embrace the living hell and burn brutally, brightly and beautifully? With every searing sensation of pain I’m willing to endure to enter the hall of champions, I will continue to match for what I want, I won’t stop marching until the war is won.
And of course, with war comes many casualties.
Which brings me to the first. Hello again Savannah.
Good match we had, wasn’t it? I’m quite happy for you to be honest and I’m not going to dwell on what happened because the past is the past and this time around, I’m taking a different approach. Now, I’m not the type to make excuses for losing, it happens to the best of us, none of us can be undefeated, as nice as that would be.. I tried the nice approach last time we got to fight and clearly that didn’t work so this time, I’m taking a different one. I’m not about to go apeshit on you or anything, so don’t worry too much. I just have to ask, how long are you going to be able to stand on your own two feet and make promises about proving everyone who doubts you wrong before you accept you’re not going to reach your peak for a long time. I’m all for self-belief, no one else can believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself but you can’t make a career just out of that. Right now, I’m not your friend or a role model, I’m not an inspiration or a positive influence, I’m not here to praise you for getting the biggest win of your career this past fallout, I’m not here to make you better and I’m not going to sharpen your skills. I’m here to cut through you like you’re anyone else in this world, like you’re some random. Hell, that’s putting it nicely, I’m here to fuck you up. I’ll scream my truth to the skies regardless of who hears it or responds to it or does nothing at all. This is nothing more than a fair warning, I have no intention of striking fear into anyone’s heart, no matter how much passion is put behind every word I scream. I don’t speak softly to soothe the ears of anyone and Sav, I hope you don’t mistake my demeanour as one that’s purposefully here to intimidate you Michael, Slade or Billy because truthfully I don’t particularly need any of you on guard. I don’t need any of you prepared. I would actually much prefer it if no one takes a word I say seriously, I’d much prefer it if you write me off as someone who’s big in other places but can’t cut it here because it’s that lack of preparedness, that false sense of security that will forever be the difference between people like you and people like me.
I have never settled a day in my life and I don’t intend to start now.
There's great satisfaction when the dark horse of the game finally becomes the successful victor. Years of hardship accumulated into one moment - one moment of pure triumph coursing through the individual’s veins. Blood, sweat, and tears poured all for that second of glory, and if you’re lucky that second can transcend into hours, days, weeks, months and maybe even years. It’s easy to get into the groove of things when you’re acting like a rabid animal in order to garner that sacred opportunity that can potentially change your life. Then… you finally capture it! You’re on top of the world! Every room you walk into all eyes are on you! You’re the champion! But when you’re too busy basking in the glory you notice new obstacles forming within a blink of an eye. New barriers that are potentially going to keep you from having a successful reign. As they say, once you’re at the top that’s when the real work begins. I have a question for you. - Are you ready for this said moment, Savannah?
Let me answer for you:
No. You’re not.
You might be hungry for this win, we all are but all you’re going to do is starve. There’s no way in hell I’m going to let you take this opportunity away from me. I’m in the process of working my ass off to prove to management that I am someone to put faith in, I want to represent this division with the utmost respect - something you’re currently unable to do because you’re too caught up in Jason’s business. I don’t want to go there but with everything you’ve got going on with him and just in general, I doubt you’re going to be bringing your best, most dangerous self to this match. Hell, even if you did, it wouldn’t be a match for me. There’s a huge difference between how I perform on the bi-weekly shows and the big events, you may have gotten the best of me once but lighting isn’t going to strike twice. I’m going to make sure I put that much more of an effort towards the punishment that I unleash on Savannah and everyone else. There’s no amount of guilt tripping anyone in this world can do to make me feel sorry for the things I’ve got to do because at the end of the day, this is what we all signed up for, this what we all want, right? I intend to cut loose and make you all suffer, I want the damage to have lasting marks and I want them to be a painful, constant reminder of the futile attempts made at stopping me from becoming a champion here.
At the end of the day, it is not me who is stuck with four competitors, it is four competitors who are stuck with me.
One woman who really captures my interest is Billy Bennett. Stepping in to the ring with her sounds like a recipe for death and destruction and I hold those two things near and dear to my heart, I have absolutely no issues in committing murder if that means I get to become the new Noble Champion. See, I may be good natured and kind but I am also very bloodthirsty, I do love a good fight. Really, I could’ve been anything, I have the brains of a scholar and the attitude of a go-getter, I’ve always known that one day I would stand above those who ever looked down at me, I’ve always used that as a motivator, I still do. But, violence is pretty good therapy. I’ve found peace in it. The pain can be unbearable at times but as I trudge through life, I discover what limitations I have – none. One on one, one on two, two on two etc etc, there isn’t a soul in this company that can outmatch me when it comes to chaos. Billy included. She can stoop to all the low levels she wishes, she can insult everything about me and I’m simply not going to react. I’ve had every button stamped on, I’ve had just about everything thrown my way, I’ve heard and felt it all to the point where nothing surprises me anymore. People like Billy, who like to do things for shock value are honestly rather sad but I understand why she takes the approaches she does. When you have nothing but your unconventional and sadly awfully rough past and the fact that you’re probably not all there mentally to offer, you’ve got to think of something to make sure people don’t immediately write you off. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I know that I am not the woman that anyone would want to face. A main reason why I’m so excited to throw down with Billy is because we’re brought together by the levels of intensity we flaunt. Going into this match, I hope that she brings something innovative to the table. I hope that she gives me a hell of a fight because I hate having my time wasted. I hate the idea of being underwhelmed about this match. I’ve faced, roughed up and conquered monsters like and monsters like Billy Bennett, I can understand why she’d come across as menacing to the average person but Alyssa Grace is everything but average.
I’m not entertaining any scenario where Billy Bennett beats anyone in this match, she can hype herself up and even picture herself wearing the Noble Championship that will soon belong to me but the reality is, it’s not going to happen. I can ask her the same question I ask everyone else and that’s, do you think you’re better than everyone else I’ve faced? Do you think you’re going to do what literally no one else can do? I don’t want some bullshit answer like “I’m Billy Bennett” or some spewed nonsense about how violent she’s going to get because that means jack shit to me. I could sit here and reinforce the fact that I’m Alyssa Grace but do I expect her and everyone else to shake in fear at that? I mean, they should but they won’t. What sets me apart from everyone else is that I can and will talk all this shit but I sleep on no one in this company. I know I can’t be fucked with but I still do the work and the training needed to make sure that no one can surprise me in the ring. Billy has never had a match with me, she has never beaten me, she doesn’t know if she can stack up to me, but I know what I’m going to get from her. To her, it’s not about the wrestling, it’s about the fighting and that’s fair enough in some circumstances but not here. I can fight too, I can dodge a fight, I can win a fight and I can endure more punishment than I probably should. Whatever beating she gives me will tire her out and when I come back and take total advantage? It’ll be easy to ensure she poses absolutely no threat.
On the topic of bloodthirsty and violent cunts, I cannot ignore Michael Bishop and to me, he’s earned himself the right to be called a legend. I’ve witnessed his bloodsport work and honestly? He can be one scary fucker. I know that and I know how dangerous he is. The thing is, the more he ups the ante, the more I rise to the occasion. Mike knows me, he’s been incredibly supportive ever since I signed with OWA and I’m truly happy to see him here. I want him to succeed but it’s just not happening at my expense. He knows just how fucking deadly I will be when it comes to getting what I want. He knows I will beat him within an inch of his life if I have to. And he knows just what I can do with a championship. I can promise ahead of time to elevate that Noble Championship, I can promise to make it a bigger deal than the world championships here because that’s what I do with gold. I care about shit like that, I truly do because it benefits me, it benefits the company, it benefits the fans and it benefits my opposition. Letting me earn a championship run is the smartest idea this company has had in a long time. Anything Michael can bring to the table, I will match it and do it better. I will always go above and beyond to make sure people know their place which is not sitting at the table with the likes of Alyssa Grace. There’s no doubt in my head that he won’t give this match everything he has, but everything he has is never going to be enough to get what he wants. With Mike this is literally nothing more than me striking him down before he can strike me down. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m not blind or stupid. I know full well that if it came to it and if he really wanted to, Michael Bishop could probably kill me. He’s just that damn ruthless. This isn’t a match to test might and it isn’t a match to see how skilled someone is, this match is going to be the fight of everyone’s lives and I’m not only going to bring the big fight, I’m going to make sure it’s gift wrapped. Gotta be somewhat festive, don’t I?
I bend and break like a human being, but I carry myself like a fucking god. That’s how I like to perceive myself. I feel like it’s me in a nutshell because I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t feel pain or emotion. I’m human at the end of the day, but people seem to accept that. People use all of that as a way to relate to me and make me feel more human and less like some arrogant bitch who claims that nothing can take her down. If that helps people with dealing with me, then, no problem. There was a point where I sought validation from my peers and the fans alike. I have freely admitted this on several occasions and I definitely don’t think this makes me less of a person. If nothing else, my tireless search for validation in the past is a humbling reminder of my not-so-stellar beginnings. In the beginning of my career I was confused as to why my name wasn’t being mentioned in the right conversations. I couldn’t wrap my ahead around the fact all these people were getting handed title shots and special opportunities like they meant fuck all, and I still wasn’t getting what I believed I deserved, I have been here long enough to know I’m not about to let that happen to me here.
Sometimes I ask myself, why do I keep going?
Why do I keep going when things get tough? Why do I keep going when it feels like my back is pressed against the wall and I can’t get myself out of the predicament? Why do I bother waking up every morning? Why do I bother to get myself out of bed? Why do I bother going on with my normal daily routine? Why do I bother to show up to work every fucking week, hoping that my luck will change? This company is like a toxic drug — once you get a taste of it, you keep wanting more. Nothing is going to satisfy that craving other than being part of this place. It would be so easy for me to walk away at the first sign of shit not going my way. I do have the ability to go anywhere else and have everyone in the palm of my hand. I can succeed at any company that I stand in, but I don’t want that. No, I want to succeed here. I want to be able to say that I succeeded in the best company in the world. Moments like this where I have the chance to perform before the masses and prove why I’m one of the best in the world keeps me going, I live, breathe and would happily die for this sport, as cheesy as it may sound, this is my fucking life and this means everything to me. So it just can’t be taken away, it cannot be.
The only thing that separates Slade from the rest of us is that championship around his waist. I can recognise that he must’ve done something right to capture a championship in the first place but like they say, everything good must come to an end sooner or later. I truly hope you haven’t become comfortable in your position as champion Slade because I don’t want to easily take away everything you’ve got. No, I want to be cruel and I want to do it slowly. I want to make this hurt you on an emotional level as well as a physical one, why? Because why not? I didn’t come here to be like everyone else because FUCK THAT. I came here to be better and bigger than everyone else, the first step to accomplishing that is by beating you and three others who foolishly think they have this in the bag. Alyssa Grace isn’t the future, she’s the fucking present. I don’t feel pressure because that’s what has made me who I am. There’s one thousand and one reasons why I’m the right person to take that title from you Slade and I can’t wait for you to witness every last one of them. Saying I’m ready for this match is an understatement. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. I’ve already looked in the mirror and seen what that title will look like around my waist and it’s an amazing sight. I want it all. So I’m going to take it.
Enjoy your last few days as champion and use your crushing defeat to come back ten times stronger. I might not always be the most helpful person around but that’s some advice you’re going to have to keep in mind. I might have plenty of time to carve my name into history here and I might not be the greatest yet but my entire professional career has been in the pursuit of being the greatest to ever do it and I realise that time, longevity and consistency across that period is beyond my reach, simply right now I'm forced to be as great as I can humanly be. As long as Championships and accolades remain the metric determining who stands where, how we speak of one another, I'll continue to relentlessly chase after them. And winning this? It will be that confirmation that I belong in every discussion. I'm not about to sit here and play the waiting game, I'm taking my legacy into my hands and I'm ensuring it gets kick-started the right way. I intend to take your title to the next level and then the level above that. This was your path to walk, and then I came along. Deem me not worthy at your peril. Let's entertain my favourite possibility here, perhaps destiny has arrived and you were only ever meant to be the champion until this day, until this moment when someone simply better in every possible capacity arrived to alleviate you of your place. Test me. I dare you. Word of advice, go buy a replica Championship and you can once again feel that same jubilation you felt before. You can hear their cheers, their love, their support. You can hear your music, you can hear the announcer call your name as the victory. You can hear the sound of fireworks fly off into the night sky and crackle above beneath the stars. You can feel the weight of my championship wrapped around your waist. You can feel your arms suspended in the air, raised in victory. You can feel the goosebumps race up and down your body, consuming every inch of skin and feel every hair stand up. Feel that euphoria, feel that moment. Taste the glory, taste success. And I know how it can be forever instead of a fleeting, fading, dying memory in your mind and it's simple, it's truly, truly simple, all you have to do is stare dead at yourself in the mirror and close your eyes. Imagine it all. Just think of every precious second, recollect every sensation that washed over you. Just close your eyes and then remember that as long as I'm here, and I'm physically and emotionally able to fight, I will fight with all I've got until that title is in my arms.
I always enjoy being able to scrap with familiar and unfamiliar faces alike. Before I get too into things, let me make something clear. What people like Billy and Slade who are currently complete strangers to me have heard about me or what they may not have heard about me makes absolutely no difference to me. I know who I am and what I do and knowing what I know, I can afford to make a couple guarantees about what’s going to happen at Wired Consequences. I’ve been doing this for a while now and I’ve had the pleasure of stepping in the ring with and beating the absolute best, I truly believe I’m past the point of having to prove anything to anyone and even if I did have something to prove, I don’t like doing it with my mouth. The points I make are proven from the second my theme song hits to the second I walk away and those bold enough to doubt me are left in a pool of their own blood, teeth and whatever else. I’ve been involved in death matches, in last woman standing matches, in ladder matches, fuck, a chair shot to the back is pretty much my morning coffee, give me a stipulation and the chances of me not only competing in but winning that match are high. I haven’t given the stipulation of this bout much thought, it can remain as unknown for as long as possible, it doesn’t matter to me because nothing, I mean nothing, is going to stand in my way of taking home that Noble Championship. Look at it this way, most people with sense know that if you’re going to beat me, it sure as hell won’t be while I’m alive or fully awake. Every single day, I awake and I immediately make the decision to keep fighting, I fight with every fibre of my being, I fight my inner demons, my self regret, my enemies and sometimes, not to be depressing or anything, in and out of this business, it truly does feel like the world is against me. I don’t stop fighting until I am physically incapable of standing on one foot, until I no longer have the will to keep my eyes open anymore – and then I awake to repeat the process hours later. We, as competitors have sacrificed peace for pain, we’ve all subject ourselves to anguish in one way or another, some a little more than others, this shit isn't easy. I’ve sacrificed more than enough to be here today and my endgame is to rule over the industry as the undisputed greatest. When I look at this industry, when I look at the state of current affairs, I see fires all around me.. so why not embrace the living hell and burn brutally, brightly and beautifully? With every searing sensation of pain I’m willing to endure to enter the hall of champions, I will continue to match for what I want, I won’t stop marching until the war is won.
And of course, with war comes many casualties.
Which brings me to the first. Hello again Savannah.
Good match we had, wasn’t it? I’m quite happy for you to be honest and I’m not going to dwell on what happened because the past is the past and this time around, I’m taking a different approach. Now, I’m not the type to make excuses for losing, it happens to the best of us, none of us can be undefeated, as nice as that would be.. I tried the nice approach last time we got to fight and clearly that didn’t work so this time, I’m taking a different one. I’m not about to go apeshit on you or anything, so don’t worry too much. I just have to ask, how long are you going to be able to stand on your own two feet and make promises about proving everyone who doubts you wrong before you accept you’re not going to reach your peak for a long time. I’m all for self-belief, no one else can believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself but you can’t make a career just out of that. Right now, I’m not your friend or a role model, I’m not an inspiration or a positive influence, I’m not here to praise you for getting the biggest win of your career this past fallout, I’m not here to make you better and I’m not going to sharpen your skills. I’m here to cut through you like you’re anyone else in this world, like you’re some random. Hell, that’s putting it nicely, I’m here to fuck you up. I’ll scream my truth to the skies regardless of who hears it or responds to it or does nothing at all. This is nothing more than a fair warning, I have no intention of striking fear into anyone’s heart, no matter how much passion is put behind every word I scream. I don’t speak softly to soothe the ears of anyone and Sav, I hope you don’t mistake my demeanour as one that’s purposefully here to intimidate you Michael, Slade or Billy because truthfully I don’t particularly need any of you on guard. I don’t need any of you prepared. I would actually much prefer it if no one takes a word I say seriously, I’d much prefer it if you write me off as someone who’s big in other places but can’t cut it here because it’s that lack of preparedness, that false sense of security that will forever be the difference between people like you and people like me.
I have never settled a day in my life and I don’t intend to start now.
There's great satisfaction when the dark horse of the game finally becomes the successful victor. Years of hardship accumulated into one moment - one moment of pure triumph coursing through the individual’s veins. Blood, sweat, and tears poured all for that second of glory, and if you’re lucky that second can transcend into hours, days, weeks, months and maybe even years. It’s easy to get into the groove of things when you’re acting like a rabid animal in order to garner that sacred opportunity that can potentially change your life. Then… you finally capture it! You’re on top of the world! Every room you walk into all eyes are on you! You’re the champion! But when you’re too busy basking in the glory you notice new obstacles forming within a blink of an eye. New barriers that are potentially going to keep you from having a successful reign. As they say, once you’re at the top that’s when the real work begins. I have a question for you. - Are you ready for this said moment, Savannah?
Let me answer for you:
No. You’re not.
You might be hungry for this win, we all are but all you’re going to do is starve. There’s no way in hell I’m going to let you take this opportunity away from me. I’m in the process of working my ass off to prove to management that I am someone to put faith in, I want to represent this division with the utmost respect - something you’re currently unable to do because you’re too caught up in Jason’s business. I don’t want to go there but with everything you’ve got going on with him and just in general, I doubt you’re going to be bringing your best, most dangerous self to this match. Hell, even if you did, it wouldn’t be a match for me. There’s a huge difference between how I perform on the bi-weekly shows and the big events, you may have gotten the best of me once but lighting isn’t going to strike twice. I’m going to make sure I put that much more of an effort towards the punishment that I unleash on Savannah and everyone else. There’s no amount of guilt tripping anyone in this world can do to make me feel sorry for the things I’ve got to do because at the end of the day, this is what we all signed up for, this what we all want, right? I intend to cut loose and make you all suffer, I want the damage to have lasting marks and I want them to be a painful, constant reminder of the futile attempts made at stopping me from becoming a champion here.
At the end of the day, it is not me who is stuck with four competitors, it is four competitors who are stuck with me.
One woman who really captures my interest is Billy Bennett. Stepping in to the ring with her sounds like a recipe for death and destruction and I hold those two things near and dear to my heart, I have absolutely no issues in committing murder if that means I get to become the new Noble Champion. See, I may be good natured and kind but I am also very bloodthirsty, I do love a good fight. Really, I could’ve been anything, I have the brains of a scholar and the attitude of a go-getter, I’ve always known that one day I would stand above those who ever looked down at me, I’ve always used that as a motivator, I still do. But, violence is pretty good therapy. I’ve found peace in it. The pain can be unbearable at times but as I trudge through life, I discover what limitations I have – none. One on one, one on two, two on two etc etc, there isn’t a soul in this company that can outmatch me when it comes to chaos. Billy included. She can stoop to all the low levels she wishes, she can insult everything about me and I’m simply not going to react. I’ve had every button stamped on, I’ve had just about everything thrown my way, I’ve heard and felt it all to the point where nothing surprises me anymore. People like Billy, who like to do things for shock value are honestly rather sad but I understand why she takes the approaches she does. When you have nothing but your unconventional and sadly awfully rough past and the fact that you’re probably not all there mentally to offer, you’ve got to think of something to make sure people don’t immediately write you off. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I know that I am not the woman that anyone would want to face. A main reason why I’m so excited to throw down with Billy is because we’re brought together by the levels of intensity we flaunt. Going into this match, I hope that she brings something innovative to the table. I hope that she gives me a hell of a fight because I hate having my time wasted. I hate the idea of being underwhelmed about this match. I’ve faced, roughed up and conquered monsters like and monsters like Billy Bennett, I can understand why she’d come across as menacing to the average person but Alyssa Grace is everything but average.
I’m not entertaining any scenario where Billy Bennett beats anyone in this match, she can hype herself up and even picture herself wearing the Noble Championship that will soon belong to me but the reality is, it’s not going to happen. I can ask her the same question I ask everyone else and that’s, do you think you’re better than everyone else I’ve faced? Do you think you’re going to do what literally no one else can do? I don’t want some bullshit answer like “I’m Billy Bennett” or some spewed nonsense about how violent she’s going to get because that means jack shit to me. I could sit here and reinforce the fact that I’m Alyssa Grace but do I expect her and everyone else to shake in fear at that? I mean, they should but they won’t. What sets me apart from everyone else is that I can and will talk all this shit but I sleep on no one in this company. I know I can’t be fucked with but I still do the work and the training needed to make sure that no one can surprise me in the ring. Billy has never had a match with me, she has never beaten me, she doesn’t know if she can stack up to me, but I know what I’m going to get from her. To her, it’s not about the wrestling, it’s about the fighting and that’s fair enough in some circumstances but not here. I can fight too, I can dodge a fight, I can win a fight and I can endure more punishment than I probably should. Whatever beating she gives me will tire her out and when I come back and take total advantage? It’ll be easy to ensure she poses absolutely no threat.
On the topic of bloodthirsty and violent cunts, I cannot ignore Michael Bishop and to me, he’s earned himself the right to be called a legend. I’ve witnessed his bloodsport work and honestly? He can be one scary fucker. I know that and I know how dangerous he is. The thing is, the more he ups the ante, the more I rise to the occasion. Mike knows me, he’s been incredibly supportive ever since I signed with OWA and I’m truly happy to see him here. I want him to succeed but it’s just not happening at my expense. He knows just how fucking deadly I will be when it comes to getting what I want. He knows I will beat him within an inch of his life if I have to. And he knows just what I can do with a championship. I can promise ahead of time to elevate that Noble Championship, I can promise to make it a bigger deal than the world championships here because that’s what I do with gold. I care about shit like that, I truly do because it benefits me, it benefits the company, it benefits the fans and it benefits my opposition. Letting me earn a championship run is the smartest idea this company has had in a long time. Anything Michael can bring to the table, I will match it and do it better. I will always go above and beyond to make sure people know their place which is not sitting at the table with the likes of Alyssa Grace. There’s no doubt in my head that he won’t give this match everything he has, but everything he has is never going to be enough to get what he wants. With Mike this is literally nothing more than me striking him down before he can strike me down. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m not blind or stupid. I know full well that if it came to it and if he really wanted to, Michael Bishop could probably kill me. He’s just that damn ruthless. This isn’t a match to test might and it isn’t a match to see how skilled someone is, this match is going to be the fight of everyone’s lives and I’m not only going to bring the big fight, I’m going to make sure it’s gift wrapped. Gotta be somewhat festive, don’t I?
I bend and break like a human being, but I carry myself like a fucking god. That’s how I like to perceive myself. I feel like it’s me in a nutshell because I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t feel pain or emotion. I’m human at the end of the day, but people seem to accept that. People use all of that as a way to relate to me and make me feel more human and less like some arrogant bitch who claims that nothing can take her down. If that helps people with dealing with me, then, no problem. There was a point where I sought validation from my peers and the fans alike. I have freely admitted this on several occasions and I definitely don’t think this makes me less of a person. If nothing else, my tireless search for validation in the past is a humbling reminder of my not-so-stellar beginnings. In the beginning of my career I was confused as to why my name wasn’t being mentioned in the right conversations. I couldn’t wrap my ahead around the fact all these people were getting handed title shots and special opportunities like they meant fuck all, and I still wasn’t getting what I believed I deserved, I have been here long enough to know I’m not about to let that happen to me here.
Sometimes I ask myself, why do I keep going?
Why do I keep going when things get tough? Why do I keep going when it feels like my back is pressed against the wall and I can’t get myself out of the predicament? Why do I bother waking up every morning? Why do I bother to get myself out of bed? Why do I bother going on with my normal daily routine? Why do I bother to show up to work every fucking week, hoping that my luck will change? This company is like a toxic drug — once you get a taste of it, you keep wanting more. Nothing is going to satisfy that craving other than being part of this place. It would be so easy for me to walk away at the first sign of shit not going my way. I do have the ability to go anywhere else and have everyone in the palm of my hand. I can succeed at any company that I stand in, but I don’t want that. No, I want to succeed here. I want to be able to say that I succeeded in the best company in the world. Moments like this where I have the chance to perform before the masses and prove why I’m one of the best in the world keeps me going, I live, breathe and would happily die for this sport, as cheesy as it may sound, this is my fucking life and this means everything to me. So it just can’t be taken away, it cannot be.
The only thing that separates Slade from the rest of us is that championship around his waist. I can recognise that he must’ve done something right to capture a championship in the first place but like they say, everything good must come to an end sooner or later. I truly hope you haven’t become comfortable in your position as champion Slade because I don’t want to easily take away everything you’ve got. No, I want to be cruel and I want to do it slowly. I want to make this hurt you on an emotional level as well as a physical one, why? Because why not? I didn’t come here to be like everyone else because FUCK THAT. I came here to be better and bigger than everyone else, the first step to accomplishing that is by beating you and three others who foolishly think they have this in the bag. Alyssa Grace isn’t the future, she’s the fucking present. I don’t feel pressure because that’s what has made me who I am. There’s one thousand and one reasons why I’m the right person to take that title from you Slade and I can’t wait for you to witness every last one of them. Saying I’m ready for this match is an understatement. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. I’ve already looked in the mirror and seen what that title will look like around my waist and it’s an amazing sight. I want it all. So I’m going to take it.
Enjoy your last few days as champion and use your crushing defeat to come back ten times stronger. I might not always be the most helpful person around but that’s some advice you’re going to have to keep in mind. I might have plenty of time to carve my name into history here and I might not be the greatest yet but my entire professional career has been in the pursuit of being the greatest to ever do it and I realise that time, longevity and consistency across that period is beyond my reach, simply right now I'm forced to be as great as I can humanly be. As long as Championships and accolades remain the metric determining who stands where, how we speak of one another, I'll continue to relentlessly chase after them. And winning this? It will be that confirmation that I belong in every discussion. I'm not about to sit here and play the waiting game, I'm taking my legacy into my hands and I'm ensuring it gets kick-started the right way. I intend to take your title to the next level and then the level above that. This was your path to walk, and then I came along. Deem me not worthy at your peril. Let's entertain my favourite possibility here, perhaps destiny has arrived and you were only ever meant to be the champion until this day, until this moment when someone simply better in every possible capacity arrived to alleviate you of your place. Test me. I dare you. Word of advice, go buy a replica Championship and you can once again feel that same jubilation you felt before. You can hear their cheers, their love, their support. You can hear your music, you can hear the announcer call your name as the victory. You can hear the sound of fireworks fly off into the night sky and crackle above beneath the stars. You can feel the weight of my championship wrapped around your waist. You can feel your arms suspended in the air, raised in victory. You can feel the goosebumps race up and down your body, consuming every inch of skin and feel every hair stand up. Feel that euphoria, feel that moment. Taste the glory, taste success. And I know how it can be forever instead of a fleeting, fading, dying memory in your mind and it's simple, it's truly, truly simple, all you have to do is stare dead at yourself in the mirror and close your eyes. Imagine it all. Just think of every precious second, recollect every sensation that washed over you. Just close your eyes and then remember that as long as I'm here, and I'm physically and emotionally able to fight, I will fight with all I've got until that title is in my arms.
Alyssa Grace, Noble Champion.. it's got a nice ring to it.