Post by Masters of the Tooniverse on Dec 8, 2021 22:03:48 GMT -5
Archimedes J. Manson
in
Losing Is Half The Battle
There's a bit of a weird grain to this video package that makes it look like it's from the 80s. It probably is or something because there are way too many things that don't look modern in this locked off shot. We're talking about tall white picket fences and a couple of kids playing in a non-dirty alley.
This must be the suburbs.
Anyway, there's a couple of kids playing in the alley that look to be about nine or ten. They aren't playing anything particularly fun but just kind of running around and playing tag or some variation of it. It's not rocket science or anything like that.
Riding down the alley are some older kids on bicycles. They look all tough and bully-y because of the denim vests and the black t-shirts. Oh and the fingerless gloves are also a dead giveaway. They just scream meanies.
The bikes skid to a halt and it's time to switch to the script format because it'll just be funnier to read it like that.
BULLY #1
Well, well, well.
BULLY #2
Lookie what we gots here!
BULLY #1
A couple of little punks in OUR alleyway!
BULLY #2
Big mistake.
As the Bully Brothers get off their bikes, they are doing the whole cracking knuckles thing.
The other two kids just kind of huddle together because they didn't expect to get bullied like this! But innocent victims never do!
KID #1
Hey! Just leave us alone!
KID #2
Yeah, leave us alone!
Bully #1 snatches up Kid #1 by the shirt and balls up his fist! Gasp!
BULLY #1
What'd you say to me?!
Bully #1 brings his fist back like he's ready to strike. Kid #2 looks terrified. Bully #2 looks way too excited. Kid #1 braces for impact.
Bully #1 swings... only to have his hand caught by a much more adult hand.
? ? ? ?
He said... leave them alone.
The combination of Bullies and Kids all turn to look up at the man that's holding back the Bully's fist. This man is obviously Archimedes J. Manson in some weird 80s camo and what not. There's a patch on his chest that says...
ALL
TOON TOWN?!
Bully #1 drops Kid #1 as they all stand back in awe of the bootleg G.I. Joe officer that should be out punching COBRA in the face but instead for some reason he's down here in this random alleyway. So weird.
TOON TOWN
That's right. It's me, Toon Town. A definite and true G.I. Joe character that you've all heard of.
KID #2
What're you doing here?!
BULLY #1
Is COBRA here?!
TOON TOWN
No COBRA. But I did see you guys were having an argument.
KID #2
They were bullying us!
BULLY #2
Shut up, twerp!
KID #1
See?!
TOON TOWN
Alright, alright. Let's just cool our jets for a bit. You see, kids, bullying is not nice. And being nice is the only thing that matters. You should be nice and not bully people that are smaller than you because they can always beat you up later. Or make sure you don't get a job you desperately need when you're older and need to make rent. There's always another solution.
The bullies and the kids are just kind of staring confusedly in his direction at this point.
TOON TOWN
Remember, don't be a bully, be a buddy.
By some miracle, these words have managed to reach the heart of the Bully Bros and they just kind of turn to the kids.
BULLY #1
I never thought of it that way.
BULLY #2
Me either!
BULLY #1
Hey, we're totally sorry about being bullies.
BULLY #2
Could we be buddies instead?
The kids look up at Toon Town and get a nod of approval in return.
KID #1
Sure!
KID #2
Yeah, it's okay! Everybody makes mistakes!
The Bullies and the Kids kind of pull themselves into some weird group hug. Toon Town offers a big thumbs up.
"Bet you didn't know I was a G.I. Joe in the 80s? Cool, right?"
"Anyway, as you know, my name is Archimedes J. Manson."
"The J stands for... Juicy."
"And I'm here to talk to you about doing your best. You see, there are times when doing your best just isn't enough. No matter how hard you fight or how hard you try, you just won't be able to measure up."
"And that's okay."
"You know, not everyone can be as successful in this business as I can. And by that I mean, accidentally. Because I'm super good at accidentally making things happen. I'm also super good at joining groups that I know nothing about. I'm a soldier. I'm a fighter. I'm also a pretty wild card. And you know something, I'm pretty sure even I don't know what's going to happen at the next Proving Ground."
"Well, obviously, there's going to be wrestling but I mean beyond that."
"What I do know is that bullies never win. And when I look at people like Frasier Crane, Levy's Jeans and Emmanuelle in Space, that's what I see. Bullies. And I'm not exactly in the business of letting the Bullies win. I mean, I just did a whole mini-episode of G.I. Joe to prove it so just like scroll up if you need to. It's right up there. Seriously, I can wait."
"Back? Great."
"So like I was saying, I'm all about being a Team Player. At least, this week. And I've got a pretty good idea of what the people on my team can do. You see, Shelldrake, Thompson and I are all down for the right cause. We're all down to fight for the little guy. Also, we all have super awesome hair. So there's that too."
"The lesson that I'm trying to tell you all, because these things always have a moral, is that it's okay to not succeed. The important thing is that you try. And you try again. And again. And again. And some day, you'll find your way to victory."
"Just know that it's okay to lose because Losing is Half the Battle."