Post by serranopoblano on Oct 27, 2021 22:24:49 GMT -5
Thanks to the massive public awareness of Project: Honor, the man known as Serrano Poblano has taken a huge step toward fulfilling his lifelong dreams. Despite the numerous losses, the one-sided beatings, and the regular acts of public humiliation, Serrano has been able to spread his image and his message to the kind of audience he used to only dream of. While there are many who use their precious time to mock the aspiring combat chef, there are also those who support him from the quiet and shadowed corners of arenas worldwide. Not only do they whisper their support from the nosebleed seats, concession stands, and locked restroom stalls, but they have also started to make their presence known on the world wide web.
With a rare day away from both the wrestling ring and his personal test kitchen, Serrano has decided to check in on those fans to find out what new things they have been posting, not only to feed his oddly large ego, but also in order to reply to shit-posters under an anonymous user name. His first stop? Modernwrestlingisshit.com
ASAKURA4EVA: God Serrano Poblano is such a fat waste of space. Not only does he wrestle like a mid 90’s jobber, but I hear he can’t cook for shit either.
Needless to say, the evening wasn’t starting out very well. With a sneer on his face and a crack of his knuckles, he began to type his response, using an online name that no one could possibly connect back to him.
NOTSPICYATALL: Shows what u know! I won...I mean...Serrano won a blue ribbon in the pickling and canning category at the Ohio State Fair three years in a row! And ur a turd burglar!
Satisfied with his response and positive that no one would suspect it’s him, he continued to scroll.
SIMP4OZY: If Serrano gets any hotter, I might burn the roof of my mouth just by watching him on TV.
With a wide grin, Serrano began to think the night was turning around. He started to reply…
NOTSPICYATALL: Hey there SIMP4OZY, send me your nudez and I’ll get you a meet and greet.
At that moment, Serrano received a notification from one of his other accounts, and only then did he realize that SIMP4OZY was one of his previous aliases. Quickly shaking off his disappointment, he turned to Reddit instead, hoping to enjoy some fan art created in his honor. The first one he saw was interesting to say the least…
KACHOWNIAC: Here’s my take on wrestling’s worthless fatass if he had an ounce of Fairweather’s attitude.
Frowning once again, he started another response…
NOTSPICYATALL: You need more flavor. And I banged ur mom.
Then there was this gem…
BREADBUNDY: Definitely the biggest weiner Serrano has ever held…
This time, Serrano started to growl as he violently tapped at the keys of his 95 Macintosh...
NOTSPICYATALL: Serrano doesn’t even have kids you chumpstain! And his weiner is really big for someone of his body mass index.
And then…
EARLBOYDEISGOAT: That’s a big weiner, but not nearly as big as this guy’s ego. Check it…
What else could he do but respond?
NOTSPICYATALL: That’s not even realistic. UR an Earl Boyde taint stain. #SpiceIsLife
But despite his quick replies, the hits just continued to roll across his screen. Finally unable to bear further insults, he pushes the large box monitor off his desk with a sudden shove. As he turns to acknowledge the camera that’s been recording his every move, it’s difficult to determine whether he’s going to cry or scream. Finally, he takes several deep breaths to compose himself, as if he were preparing to go into labor.
SERRANO POBLANO: People on the internet can suck my left nut. I’d tell them to suck the right one too, but I had an accident with a Salad Shooter a few years back so they’ll just have to settle for the one! I assure you, somewhere out there in this great big world of ours, there are Serrano Poblano fans waiting to see me achieve all of the greatness I’m capable of! Sure, I may have come up short when I fought Earl Boyde for the Gatekeeper Title, but to be honest, my heart just wasn’t in it! I was still dealing with the fact that I was overlooked when it came time to select competitors for the Round Robin Cup thingee. But that’s okay, because this week I will be in a Battle Royal where the final two competitors get to compete for The Warrior Rising Championship at Clash For the Cup and that means…
Suddenly, Serrano is interrupted by the Project: Honor producer who’s been patiently standing behind the camera.
PRODUCER: Uh...Serrano? I hate to tell you this, but you were bumped from that match in favor of a new guy by the name of Aaron Bolduc. Sorry, man…
Serrano blinks a couple of times as he processes this new information. Finally, after taking a few seconds to think it over, he’s able to question the producer further.
SERRANO POBLANO: Well that’s...disappointing. Still, I’m sure that I’ve been booked in a top tier match this week and I can’t wait to show all of my fans worldwide…
PRODUCER: Actually...uh...you’re not booked for TV this week…
He pauses again as his cheeks take on a reddish tone.
SERRANO POBLANO: Oooookay...so it’s another dark match I guess. At least the fans in attendance will be able to see me…
PRODUCER: Nope. The mini’s have been booked in the dark match this week. Christian DeMicro versus Minindy Darling.
Serrano scrunches his face as he glares at the man behind the camera. Finally…
SERRANO POBLANO: SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE? I COULD BE WATCHING FOODPORNHUB! GODDAMMIT!
PRODUCER: Well...uh...you were nominated for Best Female Warrior of the Season, and although you lost out to Elena DeDraca, we thought it might be nice to hear some comments from the runners up...
Almost immediately, the rage begins to drain from Serrano’s face.
SERRANO POBLANO: I...I...what? Are you for real? I mean...who else was nominated? Because that's insane…
PRODUCER: Emmanuelle and Tara Fenix...
SERRANO POBLANO: Wow! No shit? So...two of the Round Robin competitors and both former champions...along with the two time Legacy Champion? I mean...damn...that’s incredible! It's just an honor to be nominated!
This time Serrano’s cheeks become as flush as a rare filet mignon, as tears begin to well up in the corners of his eyes…
SERRANO POBLANO: I’m just so grateful that Project: Honor considered me to be included in a group of such strong, empowering, female athletes. I...I don’t know what else to say...I guess...I guess I have made it to the top after all! This year I’m a runner up, but at the end of next season I vow to topple Elena DeDraca and become Project: Honor’s Best Female Warrior! Not only that, but I’m going to start my ascension this very week! I don’t care if I’m not booked! I don’t care what I have to do! I will be at Proving Ground in a match and I will show the world that I am one of the greatest female warriors in the sport today!
Without any warning, Serrano leaps out of his desk chair as a tear rolls over his bulbous cheek. He walks away from the producer and the camera as if he’s in a daze, slowly making his way across the room. The camera turns to follow his exit, and for the first time we see that he has been conducting this interview completely without pants. As his hairy buttocks are pixelated for the viewers at home, the producer thankfully brings the recording to a close.
With a rare day away from both the wrestling ring and his personal test kitchen, Serrano has decided to check in on those fans to find out what new things they have been posting, not only to feed his oddly large ego, but also in order to reply to shit-posters under an anonymous user name. His first stop? Modernwrestlingisshit.com
ASAKURA4EVA: God Serrano Poblano is such a fat waste of space. Not only does he wrestle like a mid 90’s jobber, but I hear he can’t cook for shit either.
Needless to say, the evening wasn’t starting out very well. With a sneer on his face and a crack of his knuckles, he began to type his response, using an online name that no one could possibly connect back to him.
NOTSPICYATALL: Shows what u know! I won...I mean...Serrano won a blue ribbon in the pickling and canning category at the Ohio State Fair three years in a row! And ur a turd burglar!
Satisfied with his response and positive that no one would suspect it’s him, he continued to scroll.
SIMP4OZY: If Serrano gets any hotter, I might burn the roof of my mouth just by watching him on TV.
With a wide grin, Serrano began to think the night was turning around. He started to reply…
NOTSPICYATALL: Hey there SIMP4OZY, send me your nudez and I’ll get you a meet and greet.
At that moment, Serrano received a notification from one of his other accounts, and only then did he realize that SIMP4OZY was one of his previous aliases. Quickly shaking off his disappointment, he turned to Reddit instead, hoping to enjoy some fan art created in his honor. The first one he saw was interesting to say the least…
KACHOWNIAC: Here’s my take on wrestling’s worthless fatass if he had an ounce of Fairweather’s attitude.
Frowning once again, he started another response…
NOTSPICYATALL: You need more flavor. And I banged ur mom.
Then there was this gem…
BREADBUNDY: Definitely the biggest weiner Serrano has ever held…
This time, Serrano started to growl as he violently tapped at the keys of his 95 Macintosh...
NOTSPICYATALL: Serrano doesn’t even have kids you chumpstain! And his weiner is really big for someone of his body mass index.
And then…
EARLBOYDEISGOAT: That’s a big weiner, but not nearly as big as this guy’s ego. Check it…
What else could he do but respond?
NOTSPICYATALL: That’s not even realistic. UR an Earl Boyde taint stain. #SpiceIsLife
But despite his quick replies, the hits just continued to roll across his screen. Finally unable to bear further insults, he pushes the large box monitor off his desk with a sudden shove. As he turns to acknowledge the camera that’s been recording his every move, it’s difficult to determine whether he’s going to cry or scream. Finally, he takes several deep breaths to compose himself, as if he were preparing to go into labor.
SERRANO POBLANO: People on the internet can suck my left nut. I’d tell them to suck the right one too, but I had an accident with a Salad Shooter a few years back so they’ll just have to settle for the one! I assure you, somewhere out there in this great big world of ours, there are Serrano Poblano fans waiting to see me achieve all of the greatness I’m capable of! Sure, I may have come up short when I fought Earl Boyde for the Gatekeeper Title, but to be honest, my heart just wasn’t in it! I was still dealing with the fact that I was overlooked when it came time to select competitors for the Round Robin Cup thingee. But that’s okay, because this week I will be in a Battle Royal where the final two competitors get to compete for The Warrior Rising Championship at Clash For the Cup and that means…
Suddenly, Serrano is interrupted by the Project: Honor producer who’s been patiently standing behind the camera.
PRODUCER: Uh...Serrano? I hate to tell you this, but you were bumped from that match in favor of a new guy by the name of Aaron Bolduc. Sorry, man…
Serrano blinks a couple of times as he processes this new information. Finally, after taking a few seconds to think it over, he’s able to question the producer further.
SERRANO POBLANO: Well that’s...disappointing. Still, I’m sure that I’ve been booked in a top tier match this week and I can’t wait to show all of my fans worldwide…
PRODUCER: Actually...uh...you’re not booked for TV this week…
He pauses again as his cheeks take on a reddish tone.
SERRANO POBLANO: Oooookay...so it’s another dark match I guess. At least the fans in attendance will be able to see me…
PRODUCER: Nope. The mini’s have been booked in the dark match this week. Christian DeMicro versus Minindy Darling.
Serrano scrunches his face as he glares at the man behind the camera. Finally…
SERRANO POBLANO: SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE? I COULD BE WATCHING FOODPORNHUB! GODDAMMIT!
PRODUCER: Well...uh...you were nominated for Best Female Warrior of the Season, and although you lost out to Elena DeDraca, we thought it might be nice to hear some comments from the runners up...
Almost immediately, the rage begins to drain from Serrano’s face.
SERRANO POBLANO: I...I...what? Are you for real? I mean...who else was nominated? Because that's insane…
PRODUCER: Emmanuelle and Tara Fenix...
SERRANO POBLANO: Wow! No shit? So...two of the Round Robin competitors and both former champions...along with the two time Legacy Champion? I mean...damn...that’s incredible! It's just an honor to be nominated!
This time Serrano’s cheeks become as flush as a rare filet mignon, as tears begin to well up in the corners of his eyes…
SERRANO POBLANO: I’m just so grateful that Project: Honor considered me to be included in a group of such strong, empowering, female athletes. I...I don’t know what else to say...I guess...I guess I have made it to the top after all! This year I’m a runner up, but at the end of next season I vow to topple Elena DeDraca and become Project: Honor’s Best Female Warrior! Not only that, but I’m going to start my ascension this very week! I don’t care if I’m not booked! I don’t care what I have to do! I will be at Proving Ground in a match and I will show the world that I am one of the greatest female warriors in the sport today!
Without any warning, Serrano leaps out of his desk chair as a tear rolls over his bulbous cheek. He walks away from the producer and the camera as if he’s in a daze, slowly making his way across the room. The camera turns to follow his exit, and for the first time we see that he has been conducting this interview completely without pants. As his hairy buttocks are pixelated for the viewers at home, the producer thankfully brings the recording to a close.