Post by Ratball Slade on Sept 29, 2021 21:18:15 GMT -5
As the camera turns on, we see Ratman attempting to do some push-ups in his typical sewer setting. In front of him is Papercut, whose head is following up and down as Ratman pushes each rep. With each rep Papercut let’s out a counting squeak.
Ratman goes down, Ratman goes up.
Papercut: *Squeak*
Ratman goes down, Ratman goes up.
Papercut: *Squeak*
Ratman goes down, Ratman goes up.
Papercut: *Squeak*
After one more rep, Ratman drops to the cold floor into a pool of his own sweat before curling up into a ball.
Ratman: I hate cats. So cruel. They toy with their food, of which shouldn’t be looked at as food to begin with. They act all smug like they own the place with that silly strut. Why must cats be the way that they are? I don’t want to be in the ring with this man cat. Who decided this cruel fate for me?
Papercut: *Squeak...*
A loud creak can be heard as splashing footsteps approach Ratman.
??: Percy? Why the hell are you lying on the ground about to cry? I know for a fact you didn’t learn to do that from me!
Ratman immediately perks his head up and the fear washes away as his face begins to light up.
Ratman: Ras! Welcome home papa!
An old man comes into frame and grabs Ratman by the ear and starts to pull him up. Ratman winces in pain but remains silent as he gets pulled to his feet.
Rasputin: Now stand up straight! No opponent is gonna fear a man who cries at another man's gimmick.
Ratman: But papa, you know how I feel about cats.
Rasputin shakes his head.
Rasputin: And this guy ain’t a cat. He just dresses like one. Since when are you fearful of people who dress as animals?
Ratman takes a moment to contemplate. He stands there thinking, but Rasputin begins to get annoyed and starts to tap Ratman’s shoulder.
Rasputin: I ain’t got all day Percy…
Papercut climbs up Ratman’s leg and shirt, up to his shoulder before jumping across onto the shoulder of Rasputin, and then turns to look at Ratman.
Ratman: Well there was this one time I went to a convention and all these people were…
Papercut: *Squeak, squeak*
Rasputin: Papercut’s right, you need to shut up and face your fears.
Ratman: But that’s not what he…
Rasputin: We both heard him! Now get your ass up! It’s time for a training montage…
The camera cuts away abruptly and begins to go from clip to clip as we see Ratman doing a plethora of training exercises to a kazoo cover of Eye of the Tiger. First Ratman is running on a treadmill in slow motion, screaming for his life as Rasputin throws stuffed kittens at him from behind. Then we see a clip of Ratman eating spoonfuls of cat food as it drips from his mouth, although he appears to be enjoying it. Then we see a fat tabby cat that looks catatonic as Ratman carefully approaches trying not to wake it.
The camera begins to go back through the same clips now with Ratman running backwards on the treadmill, swatting the plush kittens out of the air as Rasputin throws them. This is followed by a clip of Ratman sitting on the ground surrounded by empty cans of cat food as he holds his gut and lets out a loud burp, before quickly throwing a hand over his mouth and keeling over to throw up everything he just ate with Rasputin shaking his head in disapproval. Lastly we see a clip of Ratman poking the sleeping cat, which wakes up and causes Ratman to run away shrieking. The screen then fades as we come back to Ratman, Rasputin, and Papercut sitting in a circle.
Ratman: That was a great thirty minute session everyone!
Papercut: *Squeak!*
Rasputin looks back and forth between the two and begins to yell.
Rasputin: What the hell was that! That was the most disgraceful montage I’ve ever seen. Back in my day, a training montage actually meant something… Percy, I got somethin to show yuh.
Rasputin begins to walk down the sewer hall and beckons Ratman to follow. Ratman picks up the camera holding it outward to show himself and traces Rasputin's steps. As they pass the lights of the sewer drains above, Ratman looks to Papercut and gives him an inquisitive look. Papercut tilts his head back, indicating he isn’t sure what's happening either. The three come to a wall where Rasputin looks up and down and begins touching the wall, pushing and pulling on each brick. Ratman puts down the camera and approaches Rasputin.
Ratman: Uhm… Papa? Ras? What are you doing?
Rasputin: It’s time I shared somethin’ with yuh, my boy. Somethin I thought I had left behind for good. When you first told me that you wanted to be a pro wrestler, well, I didn’t think it would be possible. Then I saw you work so hard and I began to get worried ‘cause I didn’t want you to end up like me. Although you're already here just like me and it’s all my fault, so maybe you can get outta here doin’ what put me here.
Rasputin finds a brick that begins to budge. As he pulls it out, all that can be seen is a red bandana, a dirty white tank top, thumb tacks, barbed wire, and lighter fluid.
Rasputin: Percy... I used to be a deathmatch wrestler. They called me…
Ratman looks on in disbelief. Papercut's mouth is agape as he is for once squeakless.
Ratman: Papa…
Rasputin: They called me Extreme Grandpa, and I was the most badass mother fucker this side of sixty.
Ratman: But why didn’t you tell me this? The wisdom you could have given to me on my way up? All the hard work...
Rasputin looks down to his old gear and puts on his bandana. When he lifts his head a single tear drops from his eyes. Rasputin hands the hollowed out brick to Ratman.
Rasputin: I was a dumb old man. I got into a lot of trouble. Did I ever tell you what I was doing the night I found you?
Ratman: I don’t think so.
Rasputin: I was in a street fight, I don’t remember where, and I got thrown through a window of some random house. I don’t know what happened, but I woke up and there you were. Lying on the floor with me. You smiled at me and that smile gave me a change of heart. I was too old for this. I was killing myself and I never thought to settle down and start a family. So I got up, beat those damned crackhead parents of yours and walked out with you in my arms. The referee stopped the match and I walked to this very sewer where I raised you as my own. Now, I like to think I didn’t raise a loser so I guess maybe it’s time I lace up my boots and train you properly. So you go tell that catboy that you're gonna kick his ass and then we can really train.
Ratman, now with tears streaming from his eyes, looks up from the brick into Rasputin's eyes which also begin to tear up.
Ratman: Okay papa, I’ll do it for you!
Ratman turns to the camera, tears still flowing and holds his head high.
Ratman: MONSIEUR... MALACHITE... MINJ! I will not fear you! For I am Percival Burque! The Ratman! Wrestling Supreme! You are no more than a symbol. A symbol which will evoke terror in my kind no more! We will rise up to the challenge. Like how Jerry will always outsmart Tom, I will remain one step ahead! You may think yourself sly. You may think you can scratch and bite. So can I!
Papercut: *Squeak~!*
Ratman: Papercut too! It’s time to show the cat’s of the world that the rats can make it too!
Ratman stops and looks at Rasputin who gives Ratman a nod of approval. Ratman then looks back to the camera and hops, doing his signature circle run before darting down the halls of the sewer with Papercut clinging to his shoulder to stay on.
Rasputin then walks up to the camera and begins to fiddle with the buttons.
Rasputin: Oh that boy…
A loud click can be heard as the video ends.
Ratman goes down, Ratman goes up.
Papercut: *Squeak*
Ratman goes down, Ratman goes up.
Papercut: *Squeak*
Ratman goes down, Ratman goes up.
Papercut: *Squeak*
After one more rep, Ratman drops to the cold floor into a pool of his own sweat before curling up into a ball.
Ratman: I hate cats. So cruel. They toy with their food, of which shouldn’t be looked at as food to begin with. They act all smug like they own the place with that silly strut. Why must cats be the way that they are? I don’t want to be in the ring with this man cat. Who decided this cruel fate for me?
Papercut: *Squeak...*
A loud creak can be heard as splashing footsteps approach Ratman.
??: Percy? Why the hell are you lying on the ground about to cry? I know for a fact you didn’t learn to do that from me!
Ratman immediately perks his head up and the fear washes away as his face begins to light up.
Ratman: Ras! Welcome home papa!
An old man comes into frame and grabs Ratman by the ear and starts to pull him up. Ratman winces in pain but remains silent as he gets pulled to his feet.
Rasputin: Now stand up straight! No opponent is gonna fear a man who cries at another man's gimmick.
Ratman: But papa, you know how I feel about cats.
Rasputin shakes his head.
Rasputin: And this guy ain’t a cat. He just dresses like one. Since when are you fearful of people who dress as animals?
Ratman takes a moment to contemplate. He stands there thinking, but Rasputin begins to get annoyed and starts to tap Ratman’s shoulder.
Rasputin: I ain’t got all day Percy…
Papercut climbs up Ratman’s leg and shirt, up to his shoulder before jumping across onto the shoulder of Rasputin, and then turns to look at Ratman.
Ratman: Well there was this one time I went to a convention and all these people were…
Papercut: *Squeak, squeak*
Rasputin: Papercut’s right, you need to shut up and face your fears.
Ratman: But that’s not what he…
Rasputin: We both heard him! Now get your ass up! It’s time for a training montage…
The camera cuts away abruptly and begins to go from clip to clip as we see Ratman doing a plethora of training exercises to a kazoo cover of Eye of the Tiger. First Ratman is running on a treadmill in slow motion, screaming for his life as Rasputin throws stuffed kittens at him from behind. Then we see a clip of Ratman eating spoonfuls of cat food as it drips from his mouth, although he appears to be enjoying it. Then we see a fat tabby cat that looks catatonic as Ratman carefully approaches trying not to wake it.
The camera begins to go back through the same clips now with Ratman running backwards on the treadmill, swatting the plush kittens out of the air as Rasputin throws them. This is followed by a clip of Ratman sitting on the ground surrounded by empty cans of cat food as he holds his gut and lets out a loud burp, before quickly throwing a hand over his mouth and keeling over to throw up everything he just ate with Rasputin shaking his head in disapproval. Lastly we see a clip of Ratman poking the sleeping cat, which wakes up and causes Ratman to run away shrieking. The screen then fades as we come back to Ratman, Rasputin, and Papercut sitting in a circle.
Ratman: That was a great thirty minute session everyone!
Papercut: *Squeak!*
Rasputin looks back and forth between the two and begins to yell.
Rasputin: What the hell was that! That was the most disgraceful montage I’ve ever seen. Back in my day, a training montage actually meant something… Percy, I got somethin to show yuh.
Rasputin begins to walk down the sewer hall and beckons Ratman to follow. Ratman picks up the camera holding it outward to show himself and traces Rasputin's steps. As they pass the lights of the sewer drains above, Ratman looks to Papercut and gives him an inquisitive look. Papercut tilts his head back, indicating he isn’t sure what's happening either. The three come to a wall where Rasputin looks up and down and begins touching the wall, pushing and pulling on each brick. Ratman puts down the camera and approaches Rasputin.
Ratman: Uhm… Papa? Ras? What are you doing?
Rasputin: It’s time I shared somethin’ with yuh, my boy. Somethin I thought I had left behind for good. When you first told me that you wanted to be a pro wrestler, well, I didn’t think it would be possible. Then I saw you work so hard and I began to get worried ‘cause I didn’t want you to end up like me. Although you're already here just like me and it’s all my fault, so maybe you can get outta here doin’ what put me here.
Rasputin finds a brick that begins to budge. As he pulls it out, all that can be seen is a red bandana, a dirty white tank top, thumb tacks, barbed wire, and lighter fluid.
Rasputin: Percy... I used to be a deathmatch wrestler. They called me…
Ratman looks on in disbelief. Papercut's mouth is agape as he is for once squeakless.
Ratman: Papa…
Rasputin: They called me Extreme Grandpa, and I was the most badass mother fucker this side of sixty.
Ratman: But why didn’t you tell me this? The wisdom you could have given to me on my way up? All the hard work...
Rasputin looks down to his old gear and puts on his bandana. When he lifts his head a single tear drops from his eyes. Rasputin hands the hollowed out brick to Ratman.
Rasputin: I was a dumb old man. I got into a lot of trouble. Did I ever tell you what I was doing the night I found you?
Ratman: I don’t think so.
Rasputin: I was in a street fight, I don’t remember where, and I got thrown through a window of some random house. I don’t know what happened, but I woke up and there you were. Lying on the floor with me. You smiled at me and that smile gave me a change of heart. I was too old for this. I was killing myself and I never thought to settle down and start a family. So I got up, beat those damned crackhead parents of yours and walked out with you in my arms. The referee stopped the match and I walked to this very sewer where I raised you as my own. Now, I like to think I didn’t raise a loser so I guess maybe it’s time I lace up my boots and train you properly. So you go tell that catboy that you're gonna kick his ass and then we can really train.
Ratman, now with tears streaming from his eyes, looks up from the brick into Rasputin's eyes which also begin to tear up.
Ratman: Okay papa, I’ll do it for you!
Ratman turns to the camera, tears still flowing and holds his head high.
Ratman: MONSIEUR... MALACHITE... MINJ! I will not fear you! For I am Percival Burque! The Ratman! Wrestling Supreme! You are no more than a symbol. A symbol which will evoke terror in my kind no more! We will rise up to the challenge. Like how Jerry will always outsmart Tom, I will remain one step ahead! You may think yourself sly. You may think you can scratch and bite. So can I!
Papercut: *Squeak~!*
Ratman: Papercut too! It’s time to show the cat’s of the world that the rats can make it too!
Ratman stops and looks at Rasputin who gives Ratman a nod of approval. Ratman then looks back to the camera and hops, doing his signature circle run before darting down the halls of the sewer with Papercut clinging to his shoulder to stay on.
Rasputin then walks up to the camera and begins to fiddle with the buttons.
Rasputin: Oh that boy…
A loud click can be heard as the video ends.
