Post by serranopoblano on Sept 29, 2021 18:32:57 GMT -5
Our scene opens within the confines of the Hotter Than Hell test kitchen, where Serrano Poblano has just learned that his upcoming opponent for the next edition of Proving Ground is none other than "Big Match" John Blade. Judging by the pile of crumpled tissues, his distraught expression, and the gallon of jalapeno flavored ice cream that he's eating with a large wooden spoon, it would seem that the Sultan of Spice is not taking the news very well.
"First my parents are murdered on live television, then I'm robbed of the Gatekeeper Championship, and now I'm forced to fight the greatest warriors and ladies man of our generation..."
Serrano looks up to the heavens, hoping for answers as he faces this existential crisis.
"Why God? Why do you hate me so much? Haven't I endured enough? When's it gonna be my time, lord?!"
He then throws the gallon of ice cream against the nearest wall, its contents leaving an olive green residue in its wake.
"I am the world's greatest combat sports chef! I have more flavors than Baskin Robins! I'm so gangster that the bitches call me Flavor Daddy! So why must I go to war against a man who I respect and admire as if he were my brother from another mother?"
Serrano rises from his barstool and proceeds to pace back and forth around the wide open kitchen as the camera follows his every move.
"There's no doubt this may be the single greatest challenge I've ever faced, inside of a wrestling ring or a kitchen, yet it is a challenge that I must rise up to meet head on. John Blade was the man who eliminated me from The Gatekeeper Title Match, and while I'm sure it pained him to do so, he was only doing what the puppet masters forced him to do. Now, in order to even the score, I must probe into the depths of John Blade's very soul so that I may have the slightest chance of overcoming him."
He makes his way to the walk-in cooler, opening the heavy metal door slowly as dramatic music swells in the background. There, at the far end of the refrigeration unit, a single spotlight shines down on a lone metal cannister. A note on its side reads, "For Emergency Use Only". Serrano slowly walks forward to retrieve the cannister, and then returns to the main kitchen area, setting it on the counter. With great care, he opens the lid and reaches inside. He then removes a single black pepper containing such flavor that it has a visible aura around it. Serrano closes his eyes and relaxes his entire body, before gently placing the mysterious pepper inside of his mouth.
"Pepper of Omens...give me sight beyond sight..."
For a moment, nothing happens. Then, as if Flavortown is experiencing a localized earthquake, his body begins to tremble. As he continues to convulse, Serrano's eyelids pop open, revealing that both of his eyes are now solid black. Having entered a trance-like state, he verbally recounts the visions that only he can see.
"John Blade...is a man of complex flavors. He is a lover of women...a wordsmith without equal...a man with the ability to become invisible to the naked eye. Yet there is more to this legend than can be seen at first glance. Hold on...it's becoming clearer...I see hammers...and screwdrivers! This can only mean that John blade is also...a....TOOL!"
Serrano's eyes return to normal as he is shocked back into our mortal plane of existence.
"Ha! Psyche! As if I would really use the sacred powers of the Pepper of Omens against someone like you, Blade! You may have gotten lucky by throwing me out of the Gatekeeper Battle Royal, but this time I'll be ready for whatever you bring to the table! There is no number of Random Chicks that can save you, playa! It's time for the greatest challenge of your career when The Sultan of Spice cruises into your neighborhood! I'll be swinging my massive Stromboli all over Wrigley Field to hit more Grand Slams than those idiots in Chicago have seen in years! So get ready to go down on the Ambassador of Flavortown, John! 'Cause this week you won't be tossing me out of the ring. In fact, the only tossing going on will be you tossing my salad!"
Serrano slips on his sunglasses and gives a peace sign to the camera.
"Peace, love, and flavor, bitches! Serrano out!"
"First my parents are murdered on live television, then I'm robbed of the Gatekeeper Championship, and now I'm forced to fight the greatest warriors and ladies man of our generation..."
Serrano looks up to the heavens, hoping for answers as he faces this existential crisis.
"Why God? Why do you hate me so much? Haven't I endured enough? When's it gonna be my time, lord?!"
He then throws the gallon of ice cream against the nearest wall, its contents leaving an olive green residue in its wake.
"I am the world's greatest combat sports chef! I have more flavors than Baskin Robins! I'm so gangster that the bitches call me Flavor Daddy! So why must I go to war against a man who I respect and admire as if he were my brother from another mother?"
Serrano rises from his barstool and proceeds to pace back and forth around the wide open kitchen as the camera follows his every move.
"There's no doubt this may be the single greatest challenge I've ever faced, inside of a wrestling ring or a kitchen, yet it is a challenge that I must rise up to meet head on. John Blade was the man who eliminated me from The Gatekeeper Title Match, and while I'm sure it pained him to do so, he was only doing what the puppet masters forced him to do. Now, in order to even the score, I must probe into the depths of John Blade's very soul so that I may have the slightest chance of overcoming him."
He makes his way to the walk-in cooler, opening the heavy metal door slowly as dramatic music swells in the background. There, at the far end of the refrigeration unit, a single spotlight shines down on a lone metal cannister. A note on its side reads, "For Emergency Use Only". Serrano slowly walks forward to retrieve the cannister, and then returns to the main kitchen area, setting it on the counter. With great care, he opens the lid and reaches inside. He then removes a single black pepper containing such flavor that it has a visible aura around it. Serrano closes his eyes and relaxes his entire body, before gently placing the mysterious pepper inside of his mouth.
"Pepper of Omens...give me sight beyond sight..."
For a moment, nothing happens. Then, as if Flavortown is experiencing a localized earthquake, his body begins to tremble. As he continues to convulse, Serrano's eyelids pop open, revealing that both of his eyes are now solid black. Having entered a trance-like state, he verbally recounts the visions that only he can see.
"John Blade...is a man of complex flavors. He is a lover of women...a wordsmith without equal...a man with the ability to become invisible to the naked eye. Yet there is more to this legend than can be seen at first glance. Hold on...it's becoming clearer...I see hammers...and screwdrivers! This can only mean that John blade is also...a....TOOL!"
Serrano's eyes return to normal as he is shocked back into our mortal plane of existence.
"Ha! Psyche! As if I would really use the sacred powers of the Pepper of Omens against someone like you, Blade! You may have gotten lucky by throwing me out of the Gatekeeper Battle Royal, but this time I'll be ready for whatever you bring to the table! There is no number of Random Chicks that can save you, playa! It's time for the greatest challenge of your career when The Sultan of Spice cruises into your neighborhood! I'll be swinging my massive Stromboli all over Wrigley Field to hit more Grand Slams than those idiots in Chicago have seen in years! So get ready to go down on the Ambassador of Flavortown, John! 'Cause this week you won't be tossing me out of the ring. In fact, the only tossing going on will be you tossing my salad!"
Serrano slips on his sunglasses and gives a peace sign to the camera.
"Peace, love, and flavor, bitches! Serrano out!"