Post by Project: Honor on Sept 10, 2021 21:11:09 GMT -5
"Edamame" by Yung Sauce and Rich Homie Ethan plays as the camera pans around the Big Drip Studios, focusing in on TJ Thompson, Lil Petey and Yung Sauce behind the desk.
TJ THOMPSON: It's time!
LIL PETEY: The Night of Honor media day has begun, fam! And we have a lot of stuff to get through!
YUNG SAUCE: But first y'all are treated to the sight of us! Lots of shenanigans to come!
LIL PETEY: That's a big word, bro.
YUNG SAUCE: Huh?!?
TJ THOMPSON: Yeah, that vocabulary is wack! Kids don't know those words!
A rumbling is heard in the distance.
TJ THOMPSON: What the fuck is that?!?
LIL PETEY: Oh god… someone’s here to kidnap TJ I bet. It’s about that time I guess, right?
TJ THOMPSON: Yep, it's been a whole five seconds.
The DDLG god, BOHN BASH BADER crashes through the ceiling.
BOHN BASH BADER: DID SOMEONE SAY KIDS?!?
LIL PETEY: OH FUCK PROTECT SAUCY BOY!!
TJ THOMPSON: NOOOOO!!!
Bohn Bash Bader yeets Petey and TJ away and snatches a screaming Yung Sauce. Bader jumps back out of the hole in the ceiling with Sauce in tow.
LIL PETEY: HIS BUTTHOLE AIN’T READY FOR THAT MAN!!! GIVE ME THE KID BACK!!!
A few seconds of silence pass by as Petey and TJ just stare at the camera, not really sure what to do next.
LIL PETEY: So…. should we go after him or continue the show? What would Sauce do?
TJ THOMPSON: The cameras are rolling so...let's just get to our first segment! What is it, Petey?
LIL PETEY: HOLD YOUR HORSES! CUE THE MUSIC!
LIL PETEY: Well this was a little different of a start than we were hoping for, fam… but WELCOME BACK TO THE DRIP REPORT hosted by ya boys from Big Drip Productions! Now down one since he just got kidnapped by Triple B. We’ll be doing our normal segment shit, but since it’s Media Day for Night of Honor, we’re going to be joined by some other guests to up our shenanigans to a whole new level! First though, it’s been a while since we’ve had a DRIP OR NOT, so let’s knock that out. Teej, where’s the remote for the TV? Let’s get the first shit up there.
TJ looks around for the remote and is unable to find it until he realizes he’s been sitting on it all this time. He pulls it out from under his ass and clicks a button, making the screen come alive.
TJ THOMPSON: Like our boy Bohn Bash Bader would say, destroy deez nuts! … But yeah! He's one of the hoes that are gonna take this L to your boy, so my opinion is gonna be biased. Petey?
LIL PETEY: This dude really be rocking the tank showing his tits half the time and he really got em flappin’ around, but I respect that doesn’t give a fuck. I say the boy got that DRIP! Who we got next?
TJ THOMPSON: ...Allesandro Devione, is that you?!?
LIL PETEY: Nah nah, hold up. We don’t mess with any furries around here, you feel me? They really on some shit I ain’t ever seen, sheesh. Teej, what you think?
TJ THOMPSON: That fur is probably waterproof, so nah. NOT DRIPPING!
LIL PETEY: Wait, is there a picture of him not being all furry?? I swear I saw this boy drippin’ backstage.
TJ THOMPSON: That boy's probably sweating inside that thing.
Petey grabs the remote and clicks a button to change the picture to a different one of Monsieur Minj.
LIL PETEY: HOLD UP! Man’s said SUIT UP like Barney from How I Met Your Mother! SHEEEEESH HE DRIPPIN’, DAWG!
TJ THOMPSON: Is that an adult Rich Homie Ethan?!? Goddamn! I agree, bro!
LIL PETEY: Shit, now that you mention it, he does look like the Homie! Iight LAST BUT NOT LEAST!
TJ THOMPSON: ANOTHER upcoming L taker! I tell no lies, bro. This chick looks like square head's sister!
LIL PETEY: Instead of a square head, though… she got that egg head HAHAHAHA!
TJ THOMPSON: It's not drippin for me, because I'm a biased boi. You?
Petey stops for a second and gets lost in thought before answering.
LIL PETEY: Drippin’ is NOT what Ellie is about, so I agree!
TJ THOMPSON: And that's done! Next up is the Big Drip Corn Maze!
LIL PETEY: We hope you enjoy our special commentators for this event.
Petey winks at the camera as it switches to commentators Candice Dick and Hugh Jass, sitting in a helicopter above a large corn maze.
HUGH JASS: Welcome! We've got a lineup of PH talent ready to go! The first competitor to make it to the middle will win a free subscription to Lil Petey's OnlyFans!
CANDICE DICK: But they'll have over an acre of corn to cover! Let's introduce the participants!
The camera zooms in on the wrestlers.
HUGH JASS: Brandon Hendrix!
Brandon scowls at the camera as it passes by.
CANDICE DICK: Bianca McBride!
Bianca smiles at the camera passing by and wishes her contestants good luck.
HUGH JASS: Percival Burque! He's not actually a rat!
Percival smiles as a rat crawls out of his sleeve.
CANDICE DICK: And Earl Boyde!
Earl whispers something at the camera as a buzzer sounds and all four competitors look back to their fellow competitors realizing what the prize is they’re competing for. Brandon tries to run away because he can’t handle the fact Petey’s better than him, but the buzzer had already sounded and there’s no turning back!
HUGH JASS: And they're off! Percival releases a horde of rats into the maze, presumably testing out different routes. Bianca and Earl set off in different directions as Brandon lags behind.
CANDICE DICK: Brandon turns a corner to see...BOHN BASH BADER AND YUNG SAUCE?!? What are they doing in there! Yung Sauce is making a run for it! But Bader grabs him again!
YUNG SAUCE: HEEEEELP!!!
BRANDON HENDRIX: Nah.
HUGH JASS: Brandon Hendrix just walks off as Yung Sauce fights for his life! Some of Percival’s rats make it over to Bianca who jumps and screeches when seeing them and just runs straight away from them. Earl hears this commotion and starts wondering what’s going on until he sees a rat himself.
EARL BOYDE: … hey boy.
CANDICE DICK: Doesn’t look like the rats phase him that much as he continues on through the maze. After a couple turns, Earl comes to a point where he can only go right or left so he stops for a second to think. Everything becomes super quiet until he hears a squeal, not like what he heard earlier, but like a pedo squeal. Sure enough, Yung Sauce comes flying around the corner and Earl lets him pass, but right behind Sauce was BOHN BASH BADER!
HUGH JASS: TRIPLE B DOESN’T NOTICE EARL AROUND THE CORNER AT ALL!
EARL BOYDE: HEYYYYY BOYYYYYY!!!!!!
HUGH JASS: BOHN BASH BADER FALLS FLAT ON HIS ASS AND WE’RE PRETTY SURE WE’RE SEEING SOMETHING BROWN COMING FROM THE OTHER END! That’s not something you see everyday, but glad to see that dick get what was coming to him!
CANDICE DICK: And now one of Percival's rats has climbed on top of Triple B!
BOHN BASH BADER: Hey...how old are you, little guy?
HUGH JASS: PENALTY KICK BY PERCIVAL! TRIPLE B IS KNOCKED OUT COLD! Nobody preys on underaged rats when he's around!
CANDICE DICK: Yeah, that's real fucked up. Look at Brandon Hendrix! He's getting closer to the middle, but stops when he sees a life-sized statue of Gerald the Giraffe! He's climbing up, trying to get a bird's-eye view of the maze!
GERALD STATUE: *giraffe noises*
HUGH JASS: But wait, that's actually Gerald! What's a giraffe doing in the corn maze?!? Gerald's trying to shake him off, but Brandon's hanging on! No! Brandon Hendrix gets thrown off of Gerald's neck...and lands on top of Bianca McBride!
CANDICE DICK: That’s the first time Brandon has ever had a girl on the bottom instead of the top! Probably will be the last, too! Anywhore, Bianca pushes him off as Gerald prances away, or whatever it is that Giraffe’s do! Bianca then follows Gerald, leaving Brandon behind!
HUGH JASS: Gerald leads Bianca through some of the corn itself instead of the maze that was set up! Luckily for her, Gerald is doing well at keeping the corn down AND I SPOKE TOO SOON, CANDICE! THE CORN IS NOT HITTING BIANCA IN THE FACE AS THEY’RE GOING THROUGH AND SHE CAN’T TAKE THIS MUCH IN THE FACE AT ONCE!
CANDICE DICK: THAT SHE CAN’T! Now she’s off the beaten path and needs to find her way back before too long! Meanwhile, Brandon finally pulled himself together and instead of following the path that Gerald made, he continued using the path ahead of him. Close by, Earl Boyde is befriending one of the rats and letting it lead him through the maze! Close to Earl, the Ratman himself is trying to get control of his horde while attempting to find the end to this never ending maze!
HUGH JASS: We’re just speaking shit into existence at this point, Candice! All four contestants have just found the final stretch of the maze with the last run being straight down a long path. You can still see Gerald walking through the corn, taking some chomps down on it occasionally. Bianca had just jumped out of the corn next to the other three as they stared at each other then down the path.
CANDICE DICK: AND THEY’RE OFF! Simultaneously, the four start sprinting towards the finish! As they inch closer, they remember again what the prize is and you can see them slowing down a bit. Just near the finish Bianca and the Ratman are in the lead and some of the rats get out in front because to them it just looks like giants are chasing them!
HUGH JASS: SO CLOSE TO THE FINISH… BIANCA TRIPS OVER A RAT AND FALLS RIGHT OVER THE FINISH LINE BEFORE ANYONE ELSE COULD! BIANCA WINS THE CORN MAZE!
CANDICE DICK: But it looks like she doesn't want the prize! She stares at the confetti falling with a look of disgust! Either way, she has it! She can do what she wants with it, I guess. Congratulations!
The camera switches back to the Big Drip Studios.
TJ THOMPSON: She's gonna be staring at those cheeks, bro.
LIL PETEY: I’m still tryna figure out how y’all found that shit. I thought I shut it down like a month ago!
TJ THOMPSON: And you did society a favor. Too bad it stayed up. What made you think that was a good idea?!?
LIL PETEY: Making the OnlyFans or trying to delete it, dawg?
TJ THOMPSON: Making it, dumbass!
LIL PETEY: I heard it was a good way to start reeling in some MILFs! You know me and my infatuation with MILFs!
TJ THOMPSON: Uhh...okay! Let's move onto our next event! Tell the people what it is, Petey!
Petey looks on the sheet on his desk and turns it over with a confused look on his face.
LIL PETEY: Uh, does it say on your sheet, because mine doesn’t say?!
TJ THOMPSON: It's a drinking contest, silly! Let's send it down to Hugh and Candice!
LIL PETEY: I DON’T GET TO BE IN THIS ONE??
The camera cuts Petey off and transitions back to our commentators. This time in a room with a lot of beer in mugs spread out around a table.
CANDICE DICK: Welcome back to our next event; THE DRINKING CONTEST! Our competitors for this event will be…
HUGH JASS: THORBERG AARONSSON!
Thorberg just stares at all the alcohol on the table.
HUGH JASS: MARK HUNTER!
Mark has his hand ready on the mug.
HUGH JASS: JASON LONG!
Jason’s square head compliments the circular shape of the mug.
HUGH JASS: AND OZYMANDIAS!
Ozymandias starts contemplating how he’s going to drink with his mask on.
CANDICE DICK: Competitors have one minute to drink as much as they can. First is Aaronsson!
A buzzer sounds and Aaronson starts chugging. He throws back mug after mug, putting those big arms to use until the time ends.
HUGH JASS: Thorberg drank...nine beers! Who's gonna top that? We'll see, as Mark Hunter is next!
The buzzer sounds again and the smaller Mark Hunter goes at it. He gets to seven, then eight, but Thorberg kicks his chair out from under him at the last second! Time is up!
CANDICE DICK: What a dirty move! Hunter only drank eight and Thorberg stays in first place! And now they're brawling! But the competition must go on!
HUGH JASS: YEAH WHO CARES IF THERE’S BRAWLING! WE GOT SOME DRINKING TO DO! LOOKS LIKE OZYMANDIAS IS NEXT!
Ozy picks up mugs and starts pouring them on his head! And his mask absorbs them! The judges motion that this is indeed legal, and he keeps going up until the buzzer. He consumed fourteen!
CANDICE DICK: Holy shit! We might just have our winner? How is he not dead from alcohol poisoning?!? Jason Long is our final competitor, here he goes!
HUGH JASS: It’s going to take a miracle from Minecraft Steve to make this comeback, but he picks his first mug up and starts chugging!
After his first mug takes him a bit longer than needed, Jason remembers that he technically died and the chugging becomes faster. About 8 drinks in with 20 seconds left he picks up the speed again. 10 seconds left with 11 drinks down.
CANDICE DICK: JASON LONG MIGHT BE ABLE TO BEAT SEAMAN!
Jason finishes his last mug of beer, making it a total of 15 total consumed drinks.
HUGH JASS: JASON DOES IT! HE WINS THE BEER CHUGGING CONTEST!
CANDICE DICK: I have no idea how Jason was able to beat out someone that literally consumed the alcohol without even having to drink it really, but he did!
HUGH JASS: What was the prize for winning this because not only did a brawl break out between Thorberg and Mark, but Jason and Ozy don’t seem to be too fond of each other either… so we might need to give out the prize and move on to the next event before all hell breaks loose in here!
Hugh runs down and hands Jason a Big Drip Productions album, and hustles both him and Ozy away from each other. We cut back to TJ and Petey.
TJ THOMPSON: Well that was...something! Ozy might be SpongeBob because he was absorbing that shit! What do you think, bro?
LIL PETEY: Shit, you ain’t lyin’, fam! But what surprised me was Jason drinking as much as he did! I really didn’t think he could do it and he proved me wrong. I’ll stick to sippin’ on my Trulys!
TJ THOMPSON: But right now, we’re done sippin, as our next event is...a Home Run Derby! Hit ball with bat. Ball go zoom. That’s it.
The camera transitions to a baseball field and Candice and Hugh.
HUGH JASS: And we’re back, this time we’re at the ballpark where our Home Run Derby is taking place! Each competitor gets five minutes to hit as many out of the park as they can, and the person that hits the most is the winner!
CANDICE DICK: Let’s introduce you to our competitors!
HUGH JASS: Up first we have Syndicate!
Syndicate steps up to the plate with a bat ready to swing. The pitcher sends out the first pitch as the scoreboard lights up. He keeps up that pace as a baseball bonks an innocent old lady in the head. He finishes with fourteen!
CANDICE DICK: That poor old lady! She better get her ass back to the nursing home before Petey comes around. Next is Cadillac Jackson!
Caddy takes off his sunglasses and starts swinging. Balls go out of the park and one slams into what looks like the DRIPMOBILE. Jackson pays no mind as he finishes with twelve, short of Syndicate.
HUGH JASS: He caused vehicle damage, but it still wasn't enough! Syndicate holds onto the lead! Next is the team of the Phantom Troupe!
Kyle Hunter surprisingly picks up DJ Hunter and attempts to use him as a bat. It doesn't end well, giving the fans a good laugh as DJ gets pelted with baseballs. DJ manages to catch one and Kyle puts him down, allowing DJ to throw one out of the park as time expires. They finish with one.
CANDICE DICK: That was...interesting! And finally we have PG newcomer, Quid!
Quid steps up and hits bombs. He gets to thirteen, just as time was about to expire, but the time is paused as Bohn Bash Bader chases Yung Sauce through the timekeeper's area! Quid keeps hitting as the clock is fixed and finished with seventeen!
HUGH JASS: We have a winner! But what about Bohn Bash Bader? Someone's gotta catch that guy! He's a menace! Either way, congrats to Quid!
Candice hands Quid a Waffle House coupon for free food as we cut back to the Big Drip Studio.
TJ THOMPSON: Petey? PETEY?!?
Lil Petey is nowhere to be found in the studio. TJ looks hella confused, but continues the show.
TJ THOMPSON: Welp. I guess I'm on my own. I wanted that coupon, bro. Anywaaaaaay...there's nobody here for me to talk to, so let's get to our final event!
A drumroll plays.
TJ THOMPSON: ...A Karaoke Contest! This was Petey's idea. Candice? Hugh? Sending it over to you!
We cut back to Candice and Hugh at a karaoke bar. Savannah Sunshine and Lil Petey sit on one side and Arik Holt and Valkyrie sit on the other.
CANDICE DICK: Your favorite commentary duo is back with a Karaoke Contest as Lil Petey & Savannah Sunshine face Arik Holt & Valkyrie! The winner of this receives a special prize that will be announced at the end! Who wants to volunteer to go first?
Arik Holt immediately raises his hand and forms a smirk on his face.
HUGH JASS: Mr. Stabby himself is ready to go, but is his partner?
Valkyrie nods and Arik points to the DJ for the music to start. “You’re The One That I Want” by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John begins to play. Arik puts the mic up to his mouth and stares directly at Savannah.
♫… I got chills, they're multiplying
And I'm losing control
'Cause the power you're supplying
It's electrifying♫
Valkyrie channels her inner Sandy, whom she played back in High School.
♫… You better shape up
'Cause I need a man
And my heart is set on you
You better shape up
You better understand
To my heart I must be true
Nothin' left, nothin' left for me to do♫
Arik continues to have his eyes locked on Savannah while Valkyrie is dancing around.
♫… You're the one that I want (you are the one I want)
Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey
The one that I want (you are the one I want)
Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey
The one that I want (you are the one I want)
Ooh, ooh, ooh
The one I need (the one I need)
Oh, yes indeed (yes, indeed)♫
The music slowly starts to fade out. The audience in attendance claps for the duo that just sang.
CANDICE DICK: Looks like that’s all the time they had. Are you guys ready?
Candice looks over at Lil Petey and Savannah and they both nod and stand back to back on the stage, ready for the music to begin.
HUGH JASS: CUE THE MUSIC!
“Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” by Elton John with Kiki Dee starts to play. Still back to back, Petey and Savannah begin to dance. While still dancing, Petey stares at the camera.
♫Don’t go breaking my heart♫
Petey looks away from the camera, only for Savannah to look at it instead.
♫I couldn’t if I tried♫
The two continue to trade off looks at the camera while the song continues.
♫Honey if I get restless♫
♫Baby you’re not that kind♫
♫Don’t go breaking my heart♫
♫You take the weight off of me♫
♫Honey when you knock on my door♫
♫Ooh, I gave you my key♫
Both Petey and Savannah look at the camera together.
♫Woo hoo
Nobody knows it♫
♫When I was down♫
♫I was your clown♫
♫Woo hoo
Nobody knows it♫
The song slowly starts to fade out as Petey continues singing, but his mic is unplugged or something because you can’t hear him anymore!
CANDICE DICK: Alright, folks! Great performances by both duets, but now it’s time to determine the winners! Give a big round of applause and let’s hear it for ARIK HOLT & VALKYRIE!
The crowd goes nuts but there’s still some boos through the crowd, pointed directly to Arik. Mostly because the crowd was saying ‘BOO ARIK’.
HUGH JASS: Okay, okay. Now let’s hear it for LIL PETEY AND SAVANNAH SUNSHINE!
The crowd goes even more nuts and there’s not a single boo from them.
CANDICE DICK: We have our winners… LIL PETEY AND SAVANNAH SUNSHINE! Congrats you two! Your prize is… Dammit Hugh what’d you do with it??
The camera cuts to Hugh to see his face covered in chocolate. A half-empty box of chocolates sit in his lap.
CANDICE DICK: Really? You couldn’t wait long enough until after we were done to get some chocolates for yourself? No wonder you have a huge ass. Anyways, that’s all from us. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!
We cut back to the Big Drip Studios where TJ Thompson and Lil Petey are standing by.
TJ THOMPSON: Holy shit, you actually won!
LIL PETEY: Yeah and luckily the karaoke bar was just below the studio so I was able to run up here pretty quickly! Sav is a great singer, couldn’t have asked for a better bestie!
TJ THOMPSON: I'm never doubting you again, bro. Anyway, that's it for us! We hope you enjoyed the Night of Honor media day!
LIL PETEY: Yoooooo, we had a dope time! Wish it would have lasted longer, but you know me. I don’t last long.
TJ THOMPSON: From Big Drip, Candice, Hugh, and wherever Sauce is, signing off!
The Big Drip Productions logo buzzes and we fade to black.
Credits:
TT - Writing
Shawn - Writing