Post by masondestruction on Jul 27, 2021 21:03:54 GMT -5
Failure, it’s a bittersweet taste that coats the inside of your mind, leaving you in a state of questions of what you could have done better, if you could have done more. It picks away at you in the hours, the days, the weeks afterward - even if you think you’ve gotten over it, it just comes slithering back in. Causing doubt, causing struggle, and causing pain - because what can you do? When you put it all on the line, when you gave two hundred percent, and still come up short? Still, miss your mark?
Those are the kind of thoughts I wish I was having.
But instead, I chose to bring my child into my world, and I put him in danger doing so.
So instead of fixating on the results of my match, instead of mourning my Ascension title reign. I find myself up against a wall, getting berated by the mother of my child. Kadence was nowhere in sight, as he had gone straight to his grandmothers after getting off that damn plane.
Which in itself was a train wreck, I don’t remember it. Not now anyway, I barely remembered the match itself. It was as if when I saw Lesley standing there with Kadence, I just checked out and let instinct take over.
All that was apparent to me now?
Is that I had fucked up.
“ I TOLD YOU! I FUCKING TOLD YOU, MASON! HE WASN’T READY! THAT IT WAS TOO SOON! BUT YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE HIM THERE! “
I literally had my back up against the wall, It’s funny how a six-foot seven man could feel so small next to a five-five woman. Her voice was enraged, the wrinkles on her eyes in full effect as she slung her truthful, yet very harsh words at my face. They hit like bullets, each and every one of them. Because I knew I had fucked up, I knew the second Mason wasn’t by my side at Guts, Gold, & Glory.
“ And where were you?”
“ What do you mean I was right there! “ I pleaded, but the tone of my voice was weak, defeated.
“ You weren’t though were you Mason? Because if you had been, he wouldn’t have GOTTEN FUCKING KIDNAPPED! “
She was right, and deep down I knew that. But this was a war, one that I was surely losing. But when you back a wounded dog into a corner, it’s going to bite. So I scrunched my face up in the most nauseating condensing way and rolled my eyes.
“ Oh shut the fuck up! You know how he is! He’s always fucking wandering off, can never sit still for more than five god damn minutes! I was fucking there, What happened was a fucking AC-CI-DENT! He didn’t get hurt! So get off my damn back! “
Clarissa without missing a beat looked at me and narrowed her eyes, her voice demanding.
“ Get the fuck out of my house! “
“ Oh it’s your house now, is it? Because if I remember correctly, I’m the one paying the FUCKING BILLS! “ At this point, I had lost all control, I was angry, I was pissed off and the words flying from my mouth had no thought put behind them - just driven by rage.
“ I bust my fucking back for what? For this shit? I haven’t seen my son since we came home, Clair! “
“ And you’ll be lucky if I ever let you see him again! “ She snaps back, a sincere venom dripping from her words.
“ Is that fucking so? “ My eyes go wide, and it feels like I just had leaped off a ledge, my forehead connecting with the wall, putting a hole in it. When I turn my face back to Clair, blood trickles down my forehead but I don’t feel it - I never feel it.
“Try me asshole, I dare you! Take my son away from me and see what the fuck happens, I’ll take everything back, EVERYTHING! “
She rolls her eyes, not impressed by my display of rage, instead, she throws her arms up in the air and gets real condescending.
“ Everything Mason? Really? Take it! Take it all back, because quite honestly? We Don’t need it. We were doing fine before you decided to take your little dick out of Indiana and go be a “Superstar”. The extra money? Fuck it! I don’t need your money. Kadence doesn’t need your money. Now get fuck out of my house before I ruin your career. “
She makes a b-line for the phone, threatening to call the cops. But I got the message, and to be quite honest? I didn’t want to be here anymore, I didn’t want to think about any of this. I had yet another flight to catch, back to Australia to go tear the god damn house down in. I slam the door on my way out, almost tearing it off its hinges but I don’t look back.
This problem wouldn’t end here, but I had other things to worry about. My so-called career, my dream, and everything else in between. It was just easier to walk away, live to fight another day, survive. I’d see my son again, I would make damn sure of that. But for now, everything just drifts away to black.
It all starts coming back to me once my feet hit the sand of one of Perth’s many beaches. It’s where I started to feel like myself again, where all my worries slowly drifted away and I was once again able to focus on what was in front of me. Dead by Daylight, I had set up a campsite a few miles away from the more crowded portions of the beach, a place where I could keep to myself. It was near the water, but high enough above it so that I wouldn’t wake up in a soggy tent.
The fire crackled before me, and beyond that was the ocean. I let the smell of seawater of smoke fill my nostrils and it reminded me of a much simpler time, back when we would raise hell at Indiana Beach, back before Kadence. The corner of my lips curling back into a smile for the first time in days as I take a good swig of Fosters, the oversized can fitting my hand perfectly. A lit Marlboro red snuggled between two fingers in the other, as I gazed out from the comfort of my chair.
Dressed in a white Twelve Foot Ninja shirt, with red and black swim trunks my eyes slowly gaze over to the camera, to which I hold up my beer and give it a cheers before taking another swig.
“ I know everyone expects me to talk about what happen and Guts, Gold and Glory. I know everyone is expecting me to address the elephant in the room which is, my lack of an Ascension championship. But every second I think about Lesley Adora, and the lengths he went to achieve his goal makes me sick to my motherfucking stomach. Because let there be no doubt, I fucking tried… I gave everything I had and Lesley was there to match it every step of the way. I held out for as long as I could I kicked out, and I kicked out… But at the end of the day, Kayden Ellis said it best…
Lesley Adora just stole Mason Destruction’s throne with an iron grip.
You see those words keep playing back in my head because I’m not sure Lesley stole anything from me… Sure he’s a vile fucking cunt. Yes, he is the biggest piece of shit walking around the Fallout locker room. And, ok he does probably deserve to get his fucking knee cap busted for traumatizing my son… But did he steal anything? “
I raise an eyebrow, rolling the beer can around in the air, letting everyone ponder on the question asked.
“ No… He just used everything that was at his disposal, he manipulated and slithered his way inside of my head and that’s on me… Not him. And It’s a mistake I won’t make again. “
Taking a drag from my cigarette, I readjust myself in the chair, setting my beer down on the dirt below.
“ See at Dead by Daylight, I’ll be dealing with another madman who likes to play mind games, and he’ll be coming at me, hunting me. And let me tell you something being the largest prey on the battlefield ain’t always the advantage you’d think it is. Because there’s nowhere for my big ass to hide, I don’t sneak I fucking trudge. So I’m already at a disadvantage to my so-called teammates. We’re supposed to work together to survive, but at the end of the night only one of us can get that prize, the field can only be walked out of first… Once. So while I’ll play my part, I’ll open chests, I’ll do whatever dumb fucking thing that Christian DeMarco wants me to do because there is no god damn way I am going to let one slip up, be the derailment of my Destruction.
I’m prey in the same way that an Elephant is prey to a pack of lions, sure you might get me… But you’re going to have to really fucking want it! You won’t walk out without taking a few licks if you walk out at all. Now I know in this diluted fucking video game thing that I can’t touch the man they call Pyro, but that’s okay. Because when I look at who else is on my team? I see the much easier victims.”
A chuckle escapes my lips as I crack my head to the left, and then to the right - my man bun swaying in the moonlight. There was a snide cockiness in my voice, one that I had to try to suppress in previous talks with the camera - but now? It was all coming out of me because I didn’t have a fuck to give anymore.
“Artemis Shepard, you look familiar you know that you shark-faced fuck? You remind me of someone else, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time you’ve been on the card. First time you’ve had a match on Fallout, and while I can admire the whole regality of your stance. It won’t save you from Pyro’s axe… At least not at my expense. Because unlike you, I don’t have any more dues to pay, the freshmen season is over and I’m all fucking in. I don’t care what the challenge is, I will overcome it because I have to, you understand? This may as well be the only thing I have left.
Wrestling.
While this match may not really scream wrestling, I want what’s at the end of the road - whatever that may be. I want it more than you Artemis, more than you Pandalike, who I’m pretty sure I threw in a fucking dumpster a few weeks back - so while you may think this another opportunity for you to shine, make your mark. My size sixteen boot says otherwise, get in my way or try and leave that field before me… And Pyro’s axe will be the least of your worries. “
Reaching down I grab my beer and flick my cigarette into the fire before standing up, a tad bit wobbly but I catch myself - this wasn’t my first fosters you see. I chug down the rest and toss the can into the fire, before marveling at it. It was the perfect night for this, the wind was cooling and the sky was clear to show off the beauty of the stars. But my eyes stay fixated on the fire.
“ Yelich, the Undefeatable - such pious name. Such arrogance coming from a man whose head lines up with my dick. And that’s not a diss, that’s just the truth of who you are Yelich. And while maybe this environment may be to your advantage… I’ll make sure you don’t get to use it, even if I have to shoot you in the foot and leave you for the fire.
Metaphorically speaking anyways.
Although with a man like Pyro you never know, sure they gave him an axe… But he always has that fireball in his back pocket right?”
Shooting my arm out, I imitate Pyro’s Massacre - but no fireball comes from my hand… Because I am just a slightly drunk man, with nothing left to lose.
“ It’s funny… I look at all the other trials and all the killers are some kind of champion, meanwhile, I get stuck with the rejects, Pyro included. Because what does he have that I want? He doesn’t have a title, I don’t see him as my superior. In all honesty I connect with the little edgelord… I’ve digged through the ditches and burned through the witches in my day.
But when I look at Pyro, all I see is a man trying very hard to get people to be afraid of him, and for the most part? It works. I see people buy into the hype, believe the enigma. But you know who really thinks you’re scary Pryo? Pyro does…
Pyro thinks Pyro is fucking terrifying.
That’s why he just rolls with that name, that’s why he doubles down on the atmosphere and looks like he just walked out of a true Norwegian black metal album cover. I’m surprised there isn’t churches burning in his wake, just so we all can really just digest how fucked in the head this guy really is. Or as he would want you to believe. Now.. I’m not saying the man isn’t violent, I’m not saying he isn’t dangerous.
But so am I…”
The camera pans up my body so that you can no longer see my waist, my eyes leaving the campfire and gazing upwards towards the stars.
“I don’t need to throw fireballs, or get some tacky hot topic jacket to make people feel threatened by me. I don’t need the theatrics because my resume in destruction is all right there on tape. It’s live for the world to see, every second, every painstaking moment of why you should be pissing your fucking pants right now is all just a few clicks away. “
Raising up my arms and hands to the camera, I let them get a good look.
“ My hands are calloused, my arms and back are shredded to a raw beef consistency. And underneath all that fleshy consistency is the muscle and relaxes you get from busting your ass every single day of your life. No days off, on the fucking grind. And I’m not talking about the gym or training. I’m talking about actual work - going out there and busting your ass off doing anything and everything so you can go to bed on a full stomach. “
You can’t see it, but from the sound of the fire sizzling and the steady stream of liquid, I start pissing onto the fire. My head returning to the camera as I do so, looking directly into its lens and picture that it was Pyro.
“ And this Dead by Daylight shit? That sounds like anything and everything now doesn’t it? Just another job for me to get done, so I can get the prize at the end. So I can get fucking paid, and eat! And I am hungry boys.
I’m hungry for glory,
I’m hungry for victory.
And I’m hungry for Destruction! “
Maybe this wasn’t my best moment, maybe this wasn’t the best line to end this on. But at this point, I didn’t really care about anything else other than furthering my career in Project Honor. The woes of my personal life had drifted away, drink by drink. As I stare into the camera with a shitty grin and finish up my piss, I think to myself that this is the way it has to be. Because of what happen to Kadence at Guts, Gold, & Glory can never happen again. And if I needed to separate myself from that part of me in order to give him a better future?
Then so be it.
With the fire now nothing but embers I slink back down into my chair, opening up the blue cooler next to it and grabbing another beer as everything fades slowly to black. The final scene before total darkness is that of me cracking open that fosters.
Those are the kind of thoughts I wish I was having.
But instead, I chose to bring my child into my world, and I put him in danger doing so.
So instead of fixating on the results of my match, instead of mourning my Ascension title reign. I find myself up against a wall, getting berated by the mother of my child. Kadence was nowhere in sight, as he had gone straight to his grandmothers after getting off that damn plane.
Which in itself was a train wreck, I don’t remember it. Not now anyway, I barely remembered the match itself. It was as if when I saw Lesley standing there with Kadence, I just checked out and let instinct take over.
All that was apparent to me now?
Is that I had fucked up.
“ I TOLD YOU! I FUCKING TOLD YOU, MASON! HE WASN’T READY! THAT IT WAS TOO SOON! BUT YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE HIM THERE! “
I literally had my back up against the wall, It’s funny how a six-foot seven man could feel so small next to a five-five woman. Her voice was enraged, the wrinkles on her eyes in full effect as she slung her truthful, yet very harsh words at my face. They hit like bullets, each and every one of them. Because I knew I had fucked up, I knew the second Mason wasn’t by my side at Guts, Gold, & Glory.
“ And where were you?”
“ What do you mean I was right there! “ I pleaded, but the tone of my voice was weak, defeated.
“ You weren’t though were you Mason? Because if you had been, he wouldn’t have GOTTEN FUCKING KIDNAPPED! “
She was right, and deep down I knew that. But this was a war, one that I was surely losing. But when you back a wounded dog into a corner, it’s going to bite. So I scrunched my face up in the most nauseating condensing way and rolled my eyes.
“ Oh shut the fuck up! You know how he is! He’s always fucking wandering off, can never sit still for more than five god damn minutes! I was fucking there, What happened was a fucking AC-CI-DENT! He didn’t get hurt! So get off my damn back! “
Clarissa without missing a beat looked at me and narrowed her eyes, her voice demanding.
“ Get the fuck out of my house! “
“ Oh it’s your house now, is it? Because if I remember correctly, I’m the one paying the FUCKING BILLS! “ At this point, I had lost all control, I was angry, I was pissed off and the words flying from my mouth had no thought put behind them - just driven by rage.
“ I bust my fucking back for what? For this shit? I haven’t seen my son since we came home, Clair! “
“ And you’ll be lucky if I ever let you see him again! “ She snaps back, a sincere venom dripping from her words.
“ Is that fucking so? “ My eyes go wide, and it feels like I just had leaped off a ledge, my forehead connecting with the wall, putting a hole in it. When I turn my face back to Clair, blood trickles down my forehead but I don’t feel it - I never feel it.
“Try me asshole, I dare you! Take my son away from me and see what the fuck happens, I’ll take everything back, EVERYTHING! “
She rolls her eyes, not impressed by my display of rage, instead, she throws her arms up in the air and gets real condescending.
“ Everything Mason? Really? Take it! Take it all back, because quite honestly? We Don’t need it. We were doing fine before you decided to take your little dick out of Indiana and go be a “Superstar”. The extra money? Fuck it! I don’t need your money. Kadence doesn’t need your money. Now get fuck out of my house before I ruin your career. “
She makes a b-line for the phone, threatening to call the cops. But I got the message, and to be quite honest? I didn’t want to be here anymore, I didn’t want to think about any of this. I had yet another flight to catch, back to Australia to go tear the god damn house down in. I slam the door on my way out, almost tearing it off its hinges but I don’t look back.
This problem wouldn’t end here, but I had other things to worry about. My so-called career, my dream, and everything else in between. It was just easier to walk away, live to fight another day, survive. I’d see my son again, I would make damn sure of that. But for now, everything just drifts away to black.
It all starts coming back to me once my feet hit the sand of one of Perth’s many beaches. It’s where I started to feel like myself again, where all my worries slowly drifted away and I was once again able to focus on what was in front of me. Dead by Daylight, I had set up a campsite a few miles away from the more crowded portions of the beach, a place where I could keep to myself. It was near the water, but high enough above it so that I wouldn’t wake up in a soggy tent.
The fire crackled before me, and beyond that was the ocean. I let the smell of seawater of smoke fill my nostrils and it reminded me of a much simpler time, back when we would raise hell at Indiana Beach, back before Kadence. The corner of my lips curling back into a smile for the first time in days as I take a good swig of Fosters, the oversized can fitting my hand perfectly. A lit Marlboro red snuggled between two fingers in the other, as I gazed out from the comfort of my chair.
Dressed in a white Twelve Foot Ninja shirt, with red and black swim trunks my eyes slowly gaze over to the camera, to which I hold up my beer and give it a cheers before taking another swig.
“ I know everyone expects me to talk about what happen and Guts, Gold and Glory. I know everyone is expecting me to address the elephant in the room which is, my lack of an Ascension championship. But every second I think about Lesley Adora, and the lengths he went to achieve his goal makes me sick to my motherfucking stomach. Because let there be no doubt, I fucking tried… I gave everything I had and Lesley was there to match it every step of the way. I held out for as long as I could I kicked out, and I kicked out… But at the end of the day, Kayden Ellis said it best…
Lesley Adora just stole Mason Destruction’s throne with an iron grip.
You see those words keep playing back in my head because I’m not sure Lesley stole anything from me… Sure he’s a vile fucking cunt. Yes, he is the biggest piece of shit walking around the Fallout locker room. And, ok he does probably deserve to get his fucking knee cap busted for traumatizing my son… But did he steal anything? “
I raise an eyebrow, rolling the beer can around in the air, letting everyone ponder on the question asked.
“ No… He just used everything that was at his disposal, he manipulated and slithered his way inside of my head and that’s on me… Not him. And It’s a mistake I won’t make again. “
Taking a drag from my cigarette, I readjust myself in the chair, setting my beer down on the dirt below.
“ See at Dead by Daylight, I’ll be dealing with another madman who likes to play mind games, and he’ll be coming at me, hunting me. And let me tell you something being the largest prey on the battlefield ain’t always the advantage you’d think it is. Because there’s nowhere for my big ass to hide, I don’t sneak I fucking trudge. So I’m already at a disadvantage to my so-called teammates. We’re supposed to work together to survive, but at the end of the night only one of us can get that prize, the field can only be walked out of first… Once. So while I’ll play my part, I’ll open chests, I’ll do whatever dumb fucking thing that Christian DeMarco wants me to do because there is no god damn way I am going to let one slip up, be the derailment of my Destruction.
I’m prey in the same way that an Elephant is prey to a pack of lions, sure you might get me… But you’re going to have to really fucking want it! You won’t walk out without taking a few licks if you walk out at all. Now I know in this diluted fucking video game thing that I can’t touch the man they call Pyro, but that’s okay. Because when I look at who else is on my team? I see the much easier victims.”
A chuckle escapes my lips as I crack my head to the left, and then to the right - my man bun swaying in the moonlight. There was a snide cockiness in my voice, one that I had to try to suppress in previous talks with the camera - but now? It was all coming out of me because I didn’t have a fuck to give anymore.
“Artemis Shepard, you look familiar you know that you shark-faced fuck? You remind me of someone else, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time you’ve been on the card. First time you’ve had a match on Fallout, and while I can admire the whole regality of your stance. It won’t save you from Pyro’s axe… At least not at my expense. Because unlike you, I don’t have any more dues to pay, the freshmen season is over and I’m all fucking in. I don’t care what the challenge is, I will overcome it because I have to, you understand? This may as well be the only thing I have left.
Wrestling.
While this match may not really scream wrestling, I want what’s at the end of the road - whatever that may be. I want it more than you Artemis, more than you Pandalike, who I’m pretty sure I threw in a fucking dumpster a few weeks back - so while you may think this another opportunity for you to shine, make your mark. My size sixteen boot says otherwise, get in my way or try and leave that field before me… And Pyro’s axe will be the least of your worries. “
Reaching down I grab my beer and flick my cigarette into the fire before standing up, a tad bit wobbly but I catch myself - this wasn’t my first fosters you see. I chug down the rest and toss the can into the fire, before marveling at it. It was the perfect night for this, the wind was cooling and the sky was clear to show off the beauty of the stars. But my eyes stay fixated on the fire.
“ Yelich, the Undefeatable - such pious name. Such arrogance coming from a man whose head lines up with my dick. And that’s not a diss, that’s just the truth of who you are Yelich. And while maybe this environment may be to your advantage… I’ll make sure you don’t get to use it, even if I have to shoot you in the foot and leave you for the fire.
Metaphorically speaking anyways.
Although with a man like Pyro you never know, sure they gave him an axe… But he always has that fireball in his back pocket right?”
Shooting my arm out, I imitate Pyro’s Massacre - but no fireball comes from my hand… Because I am just a slightly drunk man, with nothing left to lose.
“ It’s funny… I look at all the other trials and all the killers are some kind of champion, meanwhile, I get stuck with the rejects, Pyro included. Because what does he have that I want? He doesn’t have a title, I don’t see him as my superior. In all honesty I connect with the little edgelord… I’ve digged through the ditches and burned through the witches in my day.
But when I look at Pyro, all I see is a man trying very hard to get people to be afraid of him, and for the most part? It works. I see people buy into the hype, believe the enigma. But you know who really thinks you’re scary Pryo? Pyro does…
Pyro thinks Pyro is fucking terrifying.
That’s why he just rolls with that name, that’s why he doubles down on the atmosphere and looks like he just walked out of a true Norwegian black metal album cover. I’m surprised there isn’t churches burning in his wake, just so we all can really just digest how fucked in the head this guy really is. Or as he would want you to believe. Now.. I’m not saying the man isn’t violent, I’m not saying he isn’t dangerous.
But so am I…”
The camera pans up my body so that you can no longer see my waist, my eyes leaving the campfire and gazing upwards towards the stars.
“I don’t need to throw fireballs, or get some tacky hot topic jacket to make people feel threatened by me. I don’t need the theatrics because my resume in destruction is all right there on tape. It’s live for the world to see, every second, every painstaking moment of why you should be pissing your fucking pants right now is all just a few clicks away. “
Raising up my arms and hands to the camera, I let them get a good look.
“ My hands are calloused, my arms and back are shredded to a raw beef consistency. And underneath all that fleshy consistency is the muscle and relaxes you get from busting your ass every single day of your life. No days off, on the fucking grind. And I’m not talking about the gym or training. I’m talking about actual work - going out there and busting your ass off doing anything and everything so you can go to bed on a full stomach. “
You can’t see it, but from the sound of the fire sizzling and the steady stream of liquid, I start pissing onto the fire. My head returning to the camera as I do so, looking directly into its lens and picture that it was Pyro.
“ And this Dead by Daylight shit? That sounds like anything and everything now doesn’t it? Just another job for me to get done, so I can get the prize at the end. So I can get fucking paid, and eat! And I am hungry boys.
I’m hungry for glory,
I’m hungry for victory.
And I’m hungry for Destruction! “
Maybe this wasn’t my best moment, maybe this wasn’t the best line to end this on. But at this point, I didn’t really care about anything else other than furthering my career in Project Honor. The woes of my personal life had drifted away, drink by drink. As I stare into the camera with a shitty grin and finish up my piss, I think to myself that this is the way it has to be. Because of what happen to Kadence at Guts, Gold, & Glory can never happen again. And if I needed to separate myself from that part of me in order to give him a better future?
Then so be it.
With the fire now nothing but embers I slink back down into my chair, opening up the blue cooler next to it and grabbing another beer as everything fades slowly to black. The final scene before total darkness is that of me cracking open that fosters.