Done by Deadline

“I knew I’d be operating out of my comfort zone as part of Fallout, but I never plexpected this!”

Trey Bouchet, clad in a pair of dungarees and his “Deus Plex Machina” merch tee-shirt, laments to the audience.

“Though I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much. My first, ahm, match as part of the brand is the main event. That is the good news. At issue are the stipulations, which do not suplay to my strengths.”

“First, this ‘Dead by Daylight’ contest is tied into a video game, which I don’t have much plexperience in. The only time I’ve cared about the medium is when I’ve been in one, and that’s because it earns me royalties.”

“Keep those checks coming AW.”

“Worse, the genre of ‘Dead by Daylight’ is horror, which I do know a bit about, and I’m savvy enough to realize that going by general slasher film conventions I’m about to become just another victim.”

“DbD’s set up so that the Killer is a plexample of the “Implacable Man” trope- though I suppose since it’s Elena Dedraca wielding the barbed wire covered baseball bat the right term is “Implacable Woman”- irregardless they fit the profile. They’re unstoppable. The rules state we cannot attack them- leaving our only options to either run away or try to outsmart the Killer by leading them into a trap.”

“And, neither are plexactly in my wheelhouse. As you can see by my trotters-”

Trey lifts one stubby little leg and shakes it as an offering for the viewer to plexamine.

“-I’m not built for speed. And while it’s wrong to label me stupid, my solution to problem solving 99% of the time amounts to ‘suplexing the shit out of it’, which as previously stated, is against the rules.”

“Not that I’m complaining mind you; the Dead by Daylight Match sounds like a lot of fun and I’m sure the fans watching are gonna get a big kick out of it. And I’m gonna do my best to make it to the end and escape. I’ll definitely be a team player, and try to help the other three Survivors, uh, survive, because honestly if horror movies have taught me anything the victims would be much better off if they played it smart and stuck together.”

“It’s just, if this goes according to Hoyle, I’m one of those archetypes you know is going to find himself dangling from the end of the meathook sometime during Act Two.”

“I’m the comedy relief.”

“And the funny guy never makes it out of these alive.”

“Sorry to be such a fatalist, but I gotta call ‘em the way I see ‘em. Best of luck to the others. Maybe y’all got a shot. Maybe this is going to be one of those ‘subversion of plexpectations’ kind of scenarios. Maybe the erm, voluptuary Latoya Hixx dumps the “Hoeski” label to be rebranded as Final Girl. Maybe the jock Earl Boyde will prove he’s got the brains to match his brawn. Maybe Syndicate's starpower will be enough to survive the culling of the cast and thwart Elena, earning himself whatever reward waits for the winner.”

“For me, I just can’t shake the feeling that July 29 is going to be my plexpiration date, and there won’t be any chance of appearing in any Dead by Daylight sequels.”