Post by Dreamkiller on Jun 14, 2021 22:14:12 GMT -5
14. Chapter 14
Bad Reputation….
When you stop fighting against yourself and truly feel comfortable in your own skin is the moment that happiness manifests. In these last few months, I’ve taken you all through everything I had experienced. From my childlike innocence being taken and smashed on a cold, hard bathroom floor. Through my heart being ripped from my chest to it being put back together piece by piece only for the on switch to be faulty. And also through my own misunderstanding of who and what I am.
But I’ve never revealed the moment it all became clear.
I’ve never really talked about what it took and what happened for the fog in my mind to flow away as quickly as it had rolled in when I was five years old. You have to think of your life as a shoreline. waves will come in and crash over and over and for most people, it simply brings the sand back in as it takes it away and a sort of renewal happens. But for me, the waves hit and took and took and took until nothing was left but grey, hard, stone.
The soft sand had just not been meant for someone like me. But when it first happened I had no idea what it meant. I still fought against my own nature and blamed myself for it and it’s something I still struggle with today. It’s something I struggle with when I talk to my mother, my sisters even Billy.
I look at them and know I should care, I look at them and know I should feel apathy. If they’re happy I should understand why, if they’re sad I should feel sad for them. I look at Amber to see the comparison. There was a time when the oldest of the three of us was a vicious bitch. Feared...loathed but respected. She was so feared that her biggest rival took me and used me as a pawn against her.
That’s right, Ana Valentine used me as a way to try and control Amber fucking Richards. And the Amber of today would have folded. She would have looked at me, her little sister, in pain and being used, abused, and destroyed physically and emotionally and she would have begged and pleaded for it to end, for Ana to simply leave me alone. That is the Amber that exists today, a happy, somewhat well-adjusted young woman and mother.
But the Amber from back then?
The Amber that first walked into this business?.
She looked at Ana Valentine, a woman who tried to show the world she was a fearless bitch, a queen who bowed to no one, and she simply...laughed.
She laughed at Ana’s threats, she laughed at Ana’s attempts to control her through me, to hurt her through me. Amber looked at me as a liability and walked away, she abandoned me. And I know you’d expect me to feel shit about that, to hate my sister. But the truth is I hate what she’s become. She’s a soft, smiling, happy domesticated houseplant. And for a long time, I couldn’t understand why I felt nothing for that. I couldn’t understand why her happiness didn’t mean anything to me. Why Tasmins didn’t either.
I care about Billy, I love Billy, I love Tasmin and Amber, I love my family. I know I do, but I can’t feel it like you all do. I can’t tap into this well of love and devotion. And this worries me. Because I know someday I’ll have to face the one thing that does send a chill up my spine.
Motherhood.
Amber loves her twins, they started the change and the catalyst. And her son being born soon will just further the turn. Tasmin looks at our nieces with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. But when my time eventually comes and Billy and I conceive a child, when I’m laying in a hospital bed and they hand the child to me, I’ll smile, I’ll cry but deep down I won’t feel a fucking thing. And you know what?.
I’m fine with that….
I like to live a little
I like to drink a little
I like to smoke a little
I like the rush a little
Misunderstood a little
We're all the same a little
Some were just born to be bad
“So, when is the date?”
Amber's voice cut through the silence. I couldn’t quite hear the words, the completed sentence, and the meaning behind them. I looked over in a haze, my arm propped up on the table, my head had been resting on my knuckles. I gave my sister a small smile and raised my eyebrows giving her a small sound of acknowledgment while also indicating I needed that question again. Perhaps with added context. “When is your wedding date?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. It was my responsibility to plan that right? To look for a venue, color scheme, a dress. Argh. It made my head hurt. I gave a small shrug and sneered. “I don’t know. I’m not exactly in a rush to get married.” Amber shook her head, I could tell she was disappointed. She loved planning and talking about things like this. It was her thing since leaving wrestling. It was a shame, she never reached her potential. Even now at 27 years old, with two children she could train, get herself into ring shape, rediscover that fire, and have a long career.
But, she didn’t want to.
So instead, she helped her husband with his bar in downtown Brooklyn. It was a nice place, they turned it around from a seedy establishment that I would have frequented to a lovely tavern. She had done well. But, she didn't care about wrestling anymore. A fact that annoyed me even angered me. She was so talented, she was the woman that I chased. Amber Richards, was the best of us. Better than me, better than Tasmin. The wrestling world was robbed of one of the most gifted performers of the last fifty years, for a life of domestic bliss.
I felt sick to my stomach, the time had come to leave. Luckily, one of my nieces had decided to get fussy. Oh, Nova, you were so much like me, Luna was like her mother. But this was my chance. “I’ll leave you to look after the girls, I got to go anyway. I have a plane to catch..”
“Oh?” Amber raised her eyebrows, she smiled and picked up Nova, one of her twin four-year-olds. “Where off to this time?”
I grinned and looked over my shoulder. “Ecuador…” I laughed under my breath turning the door handle. “I have some trash to take out…”
Glorified Handicap Match
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
Kayla's voice spits like venom, her long hair was down and flowed across her shoulders and down her back as her piercing emerald eyes burned with anger.
“I have defended this brand over and fucking over again. I have even defended Christian DeMarco, even when his decision making had been questionable at best. When those Proving Ground pussies ran their mouths I disagreed, when people on the brand itself threw tantrums about the booking, I disagreed. From day one I have been all about proving that I am the best, and that Fallout is the best for having me on their brand. I did it in the Tyrant match, I did it by being the first Noble champion in the company's history. And no MYOJIN, you little twit, it’s not the same as Lance Williams and the ongoing saga of stupidity after certain releases.”
“I earned that championship by walking through hell. Don’t be salty on twitter because you have failed and choked at every opportunity you’ve been given”
“The fact remains, I defended this brand, it’s General Manager and it’s booking. And I have been one of the best despite setbacks and losses due to said booking. Triple threat matches, lackluster partners in tag matches, I put up with it all. Even as I had to defend the Noble title in a match against Pixie Sloane, I did all that was asked of me even if it left me scratching my head as to Why? There has been no rhyme or reason to any of this. And now, well, now I’m about to go into a match that is being disguised as another…”
“Fucking typical.”
She shakes her head and sneers as she picks up her bottle of water taking a sip in a vain effort to calm herself down.
“I have no problems facing anyone at anytime. I just ask that it’s fair. I had no problem facing Jason Long the first time, I had no problems facing Pixie Sloane and have even admitted that on that night she was the better woman. In a rematch though? I wouldn’t make those same mistakes. But, she can have that title because as I showed, I have my sights set on another one. And why shouldn’t I? Jason Long came for my Noble title and failed, so he went and became the Prime champion, forgetting that there was someone who already humiliated him.”
“So, it seems like that match is set right? Jason Long versus Kayla Richards for the Prime Championship at a future show down the line. So, what is the proper course of action to build anticipation for that? Maybe a tag match? Or, how about you let myself and Jason pick each others opponents for a week? Maybe a sit down contract negotiation or a press conference? No, no of course not. Instead lets put his number one contender in a “triple threat” match with said champion Jason “fuckboi” Long and his girlfriend, the “plastic surgery panda” Savannah Sunshine”
“Fucking, genius”
“A handicap match, disguised as a triple threat. And I honestly want to ask why? What the fuck did I do to piss off DeMarco? His anger should be directed at Long, that’s why he wanted me to be number one contender, that’s why he wanted me to go after that silly little irish twit. But here we are, the very next show after I stick that little bitch and I’m being put in this farce. I don’t get it. Maybe DeMarco believes Savannah will play the match straight and go after him, maybe he believes this will drive a wedge between them, or maybe he has enough faith in me toi beat the shit out of both of these little assholes and walk away with a win. I don;’t know, he hasn’t let me in on his diabolical little plan.”
She scoffs and rolls her eyes before folding her arms over her chest.
“The fact remains, I am going into this match against not one, but two opponents who I can’t trust to actually go for each other and not just double team the fuck out of me. And I’m sure there’s a three way joke there somewhere but I’ll let Jason jerk his tiny dick off to that vision since it’s the closest he’ll ever get to having a real woman instead of the marshmallow puff he decided to date”
“And yes Savannah you are a fucking marshmallow puff. Everything I said about you, everything I brought up and you really just want to sit there and be silent?”
“Your social media has turned into a wasteland of random thoughts on the other companies you’re in and your boyfriends stupidity. And it’s even funnier when I go back to your comments on how you don’t want that to be the only thing people know about you. Yet here we are. A few weeks later and all you do nis digitally suck his dick in public. Better yet, now you have this little admirer in Redd and while Jason has great points about how crazy that son of a bitch is he’s coming off as a controlling asshole. And none of this, NONE OF IT. Has to do with the title, the match or Project Honor as a whole. It’s just your relationship and the masked freak interfering in it.”
“And I will not be a goddamn bit player in this stupid vapid overdramatic horseshit. I am a fucking professional wrestler, one of the best in the world. Something I have proved day in and day out for the last 5 years.”
“You and your boyfriend are a clown porn show. Not meaningful in any way but something that you struggle to look away from and are ashamed of yourself for watching…”
“This is about wrestling, this is about who is best in that ring and who deserves to be the champion and how far they are willing to do to get it. How far are you willing to go Savannah? See I already have your boyfriend in my sights as well as that title, I already have a win over him when nit matters and you? What will you do? Are you willing to go after him and actually get a win over him to try and stake a claim at that title? To try and sneak on up and cut the line in front of me to get it? I don’t think you are. I think when push comes to shove you’ll back him up and be nothing but his bitch…”
Kayla laughs and smiles.
“I know what it’s like Savannah. See I dated Matt Shields, I know, don’t ask, if you don’t know who he is I don’t blame you and if you do know who he is, well, it was a rough time in my life and I’ll leave it at that. But Matt Shields was the NGW world champion, I had his back, I supported him, I held him up as a king. But then Savannah it was MY time to shine. MY time to be in the spotlight and the champion. And he didn't return the favor. You have to look out for yourself. So wind up and punch Jason in the face…”
She slides back and winks with a sigh.
“Speaking of Jason Long, how are you buddy? Got twitter suspended again? Oh that’s too bad, how ever will we watch you randomly attack people, say stupid shit and not promote anything now? How’s your head feeling after I smacked that Prime Championship into it?. Not that we’d know anything major like that happened. It’s not like you talked about it, got angry about it, came at me for it. Nah of course you didn’t. If it’s not about your girlfriend or something that you can exploit to make yourself look better you don’t care about it.”
“And me laying you out isn’t something that makes you look good does it? I gave you a chance Jason, I gave you a chance to reply, to talk, to stomp your feet, to show some sort of emotional response to the fact I attacked you from behind and laid you out. Some kind of response to the fact Christian DeMarco wants me to deliver your head on a fucking spike and put that title around my waist. Off with your head right? Long live the fucking king my ass…”
“Truth is Jason, you should be happy it’s me.”
“This is your shot to get some kind of revenge. See, you beat me, once, by sheer blind fucking luck. I proved it and beat you when you wanted my noble title. You went non to become the prime champion and think you’re top shit, lets face it, Drago wasn’t really the face of fallout. He tried to be, he tried his hardest to make people care about the Prime championship, but no one did, until you. But that title needs challengers and it needs to be with the person who is the face of Fallout. And that is me. It’s been me since I won the fallout side of the Tyrant match, it’s been me since I became the most vocal and most hated bitch on the roster.”
“The fact is, I’m who Elena DeDraca wishes she had the balls to be. I’m who Pixie Sloane admires, I’m who your girlfriend hates because of success. And you have to put up with me Jason,m you have to put up with me chasing and dogging you for that title. And now, you also have the world thinking you’re nothing but a bitch who needs his girlfriend to have his back. Are they right Jason?. Are they correct in their beliefs and assumptions? Guess we’ll see won’t we. But just like the title of the show says, I’m getting ready to take out the trash.”
Bad Reputation….
When you stop fighting against yourself and truly feel comfortable in your own skin is the moment that happiness manifests. In these last few months, I’ve taken you all through everything I had experienced. From my childlike innocence being taken and smashed on a cold, hard bathroom floor. Through my heart being ripped from my chest to it being put back together piece by piece only for the on switch to be faulty. And also through my own misunderstanding of who and what I am.
But I’ve never revealed the moment it all became clear.
I’ve never really talked about what it took and what happened for the fog in my mind to flow away as quickly as it had rolled in when I was five years old. You have to think of your life as a shoreline. waves will come in and crash over and over and for most people, it simply brings the sand back in as it takes it away and a sort of renewal happens. But for me, the waves hit and took and took and took until nothing was left but grey, hard, stone.
The soft sand had just not been meant for someone like me. But when it first happened I had no idea what it meant. I still fought against my own nature and blamed myself for it and it’s something I still struggle with today. It’s something I struggle with when I talk to my mother, my sisters even Billy.
I look at them and know I should care, I look at them and know I should feel apathy. If they’re happy I should understand why, if they’re sad I should feel sad for them. I look at Amber to see the comparison. There was a time when the oldest of the three of us was a vicious bitch. Feared...loathed but respected. She was so feared that her biggest rival took me and used me as a pawn against her.
That’s right, Ana Valentine used me as a way to try and control Amber fucking Richards. And the Amber of today would have folded. She would have looked at me, her little sister, in pain and being used, abused, and destroyed physically and emotionally and she would have begged and pleaded for it to end, for Ana to simply leave me alone. That is the Amber that exists today, a happy, somewhat well-adjusted young woman and mother.
But the Amber from back then?
The Amber that first walked into this business?.
She looked at Ana Valentine, a woman who tried to show the world she was a fearless bitch, a queen who bowed to no one, and she simply...laughed.
She laughed at Ana’s threats, she laughed at Ana’s attempts to control her through me, to hurt her through me. Amber looked at me as a liability and walked away, she abandoned me. And I know you’d expect me to feel shit about that, to hate my sister. But the truth is I hate what she’s become. She’s a soft, smiling, happy domesticated houseplant. And for a long time, I couldn’t understand why I felt nothing for that. I couldn’t understand why her happiness didn’t mean anything to me. Why Tasmins didn’t either.
I care about Billy, I love Billy, I love Tasmin and Amber, I love my family. I know I do, but I can’t feel it like you all do. I can’t tap into this well of love and devotion. And this worries me. Because I know someday I’ll have to face the one thing that does send a chill up my spine.
Motherhood.
Amber loves her twins, they started the change and the catalyst. And her son being born soon will just further the turn. Tasmin looks at our nieces with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. But when my time eventually comes and Billy and I conceive a child, when I’m laying in a hospital bed and they hand the child to me, I’ll smile, I’ll cry but deep down I won’t feel a fucking thing. And you know what?.
I’m fine with that….
I like to live a little
I like to drink a little
I like to smoke a little
I like the rush a little
Misunderstood a little
We're all the same a little
Some were just born to be bad
“So, when is the date?”
Amber's voice cut through the silence. I couldn’t quite hear the words, the completed sentence, and the meaning behind them. I looked over in a haze, my arm propped up on the table, my head had been resting on my knuckles. I gave my sister a small smile and raised my eyebrows giving her a small sound of acknowledgment while also indicating I needed that question again. Perhaps with added context. “When is your wedding date?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. It was my responsibility to plan that right? To look for a venue, color scheme, a dress. Argh. It made my head hurt. I gave a small shrug and sneered. “I don’t know. I’m not exactly in a rush to get married.” Amber shook her head, I could tell she was disappointed. She loved planning and talking about things like this. It was her thing since leaving wrestling. It was a shame, she never reached her potential. Even now at 27 years old, with two children she could train, get herself into ring shape, rediscover that fire, and have a long career.
But, she didn’t want to.
So instead, she helped her husband with his bar in downtown Brooklyn. It was a nice place, they turned it around from a seedy establishment that I would have frequented to a lovely tavern. She had done well. But, she didn't care about wrestling anymore. A fact that annoyed me even angered me. She was so talented, she was the woman that I chased. Amber Richards, was the best of us. Better than me, better than Tasmin. The wrestling world was robbed of one of the most gifted performers of the last fifty years, for a life of domestic bliss.
I felt sick to my stomach, the time had come to leave. Luckily, one of my nieces had decided to get fussy. Oh, Nova, you were so much like me, Luna was like her mother. But this was my chance. “I’ll leave you to look after the girls, I got to go anyway. I have a plane to catch..”
“Oh?” Amber raised her eyebrows, she smiled and picked up Nova, one of her twin four-year-olds. “Where off to this time?”
I grinned and looked over my shoulder. “Ecuador…” I laughed under my breath turning the door handle. “I have some trash to take out…”
Glorified Handicap Match
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
Kayla's voice spits like venom, her long hair was down and flowed across her shoulders and down her back as her piercing emerald eyes burned with anger.
“I have defended this brand over and fucking over again. I have even defended Christian DeMarco, even when his decision making had been questionable at best. When those Proving Ground pussies ran their mouths I disagreed, when people on the brand itself threw tantrums about the booking, I disagreed. From day one I have been all about proving that I am the best, and that Fallout is the best for having me on their brand. I did it in the Tyrant match, I did it by being the first Noble champion in the company's history. And no MYOJIN, you little twit, it’s not the same as Lance Williams and the ongoing saga of stupidity after certain releases.”
“I earned that championship by walking through hell. Don’t be salty on twitter because you have failed and choked at every opportunity you’ve been given”
“The fact remains, I defended this brand, it’s General Manager and it’s booking. And I have been one of the best despite setbacks and losses due to said booking. Triple threat matches, lackluster partners in tag matches, I put up with it all. Even as I had to defend the Noble title in a match against Pixie Sloane, I did all that was asked of me even if it left me scratching my head as to Why? There has been no rhyme or reason to any of this. And now, well, now I’m about to go into a match that is being disguised as another…”
“Fucking typical.”
She shakes her head and sneers as she picks up her bottle of water taking a sip in a vain effort to calm herself down.
“I have no problems facing anyone at anytime. I just ask that it’s fair. I had no problem facing Jason Long the first time, I had no problems facing Pixie Sloane and have even admitted that on that night she was the better woman. In a rematch though? I wouldn’t make those same mistakes. But, she can have that title because as I showed, I have my sights set on another one. And why shouldn’t I? Jason Long came for my Noble title and failed, so he went and became the Prime champion, forgetting that there was someone who already humiliated him.”
“So, it seems like that match is set right? Jason Long versus Kayla Richards for the Prime Championship at a future show down the line. So, what is the proper course of action to build anticipation for that? Maybe a tag match? Or, how about you let myself and Jason pick each others opponents for a week? Maybe a sit down contract negotiation or a press conference? No, no of course not. Instead lets put his number one contender in a “triple threat” match with said champion Jason “fuckboi” Long and his girlfriend, the “plastic surgery panda” Savannah Sunshine”
“Fucking, genius”
“A handicap match, disguised as a triple threat. And I honestly want to ask why? What the fuck did I do to piss off DeMarco? His anger should be directed at Long, that’s why he wanted me to be number one contender, that’s why he wanted me to go after that silly little irish twit. But here we are, the very next show after I stick that little bitch and I’m being put in this farce. I don’t get it. Maybe DeMarco believes Savannah will play the match straight and go after him, maybe he believes this will drive a wedge between them, or maybe he has enough faith in me toi beat the shit out of both of these little assholes and walk away with a win. I don;’t know, he hasn’t let me in on his diabolical little plan.”
She scoffs and rolls her eyes before folding her arms over her chest.
“The fact remains, I am going into this match against not one, but two opponents who I can’t trust to actually go for each other and not just double team the fuck out of me. And I’m sure there’s a three way joke there somewhere but I’ll let Jason jerk his tiny dick off to that vision since it’s the closest he’ll ever get to having a real woman instead of the marshmallow puff he decided to date”
“And yes Savannah you are a fucking marshmallow puff. Everything I said about you, everything I brought up and you really just want to sit there and be silent?”
“Your social media has turned into a wasteland of random thoughts on the other companies you’re in and your boyfriends stupidity. And it’s even funnier when I go back to your comments on how you don’t want that to be the only thing people know about you. Yet here we are. A few weeks later and all you do nis digitally suck his dick in public. Better yet, now you have this little admirer in Redd and while Jason has great points about how crazy that son of a bitch is he’s coming off as a controlling asshole. And none of this, NONE OF IT. Has to do with the title, the match or Project Honor as a whole. It’s just your relationship and the masked freak interfering in it.”
“And I will not be a goddamn bit player in this stupid vapid overdramatic horseshit. I am a fucking professional wrestler, one of the best in the world. Something I have proved day in and day out for the last 5 years.”
“You and your boyfriend are a clown porn show. Not meaningful in any way but something that you struggle to look away from and are ashamed of yourself for watching…”
“This is about wrestling, this is about who is best in that ring and who deserves to be the champion and how far they are willing to do to get it. How far are you willing to go Savannah? See I already have your boyfriend in my sights as well as that title, I already have a win over him when nit matters and you? What will you do? Are you willing to go after him and actually get a win over him to try and stake a claim at that title? To try and sneak on up and cut the line in front of me to get it? I don’t think you are. I think when push comes to shove you’ll back him up and be nothing but his bitch…”
Kayla laughs and smiles.
“I know what it’s like Savannah. See I dated Matt Shields, I know, don’t ask, if you don’t know who he is I don’t blame you and if you do know who he is, well, it was a rough time in my life and I’ll leave it at that. But Matt Shields was the NGW world champion, I had his back, I supported him, I held him up as a king. But then Savannah it was MY time to shine. MY time to be in the spotlight and the champion. And he didn't return the favor. You have to look out for yourself. So wind up and punch Jason in the face…”
She slides back and winks with a sigh.
“Speaking of Jason Long, how are you buddy? Got twitter suspended again? Oh that’s too bad, how ever will we watch you randomly attack people, say stupid shit and not promote anything now? How’s your head feeling after I smacked that Prime Championship into it?. Not that we’d know anything major like that happened. It’s not like you talked about it, got angry about it, came at me for it. Nah of course you didn’t. If it’s not about your girlfriend or something that you can exploit to make yourself look better you don’t care about it.”
“And me laying you out isn’t something that makes you look good does it? I gave you a chance Jason, I gave you a chance to reply, to talk, to stomp your feet, to show some sort of emotional response to the fact I attacked you from behind and laid you out. Some kind of response to the fact Christian DeMarco wants me to deliver your head on a fucking spike and put that title around my waist. Off with your head right? Long live the fucking king my ass…”
“Truth is Jason, you should be happy it’s me.”
“This is your shot to get some kind of revenge. See, you beat me, once, by sheer blind fucking luck. I proved it and beat you when you wanted my noble title. You went non to become the prime champion and think you’re top shit, lets face it, Drago wasn’t really the face of fallout. He tried to be, he tried his hardest to make people care about the Prime championship, but no one did, until you. But that title needs challengers and it needs to be with the person who is the face of Fallout. And that is me. It’s been me since I won the fallout side of the Tyrant match, it’s been me since I became the most vocal and most hated bitch on the roster.”
“The fact is, I’m who Elena DeDraca wishes she had the balls to be. I’m who Pixie Sloane admires, I’m who your girlfriend hates because of success. And you have to put up with me Jason,m you have to put up with me chasing and dogging you for that title. And now, you also have the world thinking you’re nothing but a bitch who needs his girlfriend to have his back. Are they right Jason?. Are they correct in their beliefs and assumptions? Guess we’ll see won’t we. But just like the title of the show says, I’m getting ready to take out the trash.”
