Post by Dreamkiller on Jun 1, 2021 3:07:35 GMT -5
13. The Bond we share
Your Betrayal
Our lives are always shaped by the decisions we make. In Fact, the infinite reality theory says that for every action ever made in the world, every decision there is an alternate reality. No matter how mundane or basic the decision is. From whether to get sugar in your morning coffee or an artificial sweetener, to non-dairy creamer or milk, to move or stay where you are. All decisions, all the time, all day and all night cause a fork split and a tree is formed.
It’s theories like this one that cause my brain to hurt as I think about the many ”what if’s” in my life. What if I’d left sooner?. What if I never did?. What if Amber and Jaxon stayed?. What if our mother left our father when we were born?...or when Amber was born?. Then there are my decisions that fractured my relationship with them. The decisions that broke my own heart as well as others.
Where would I be if I had walked away from the life I had gotten into?
Where would I be if I hadn't let Ana Valentine corrupt me?
Would I even be the same person?. You see I was much more like Tasmin when I was younger. Her sweet and kind nature is a genuine product of her life. She was untouched, pure, loved, and protected. She had a stepfather that loved her after our father passed away. She was protected by myself and Amber before Amber took off to America.
Me though?. Mine was a mask. But it was a mask I was comfortable in. A smile that didn’t turn my stomach. A sweet tenderness I didn’t feel was fake. But then a meeting changed it all. A moment where my sister was so busy with her own life, her own issues that she didn’t even see it coming. She didn’t see the dark shadow approaching me from behind ready to destroy me for the sake of a hatred that was directed at her.
Ana fucking Valentine.
Now don’t let her little happy life fool you. The smile with her new husband after she dropped Alex Jones for finally getting sick of being humiliated in public and fucking a younger...less saggy version of her. Her kids and her corporate life. She is a killer. She is a vile sadistic, manipulative bitch. And I admire her for that. See everything I am, everything I do is because of her.
She took me, she used me, she pushed me towards darkness and an acceptance of my apathy I never knew existed. So really, I should thank her. In this world, and no I don’t mean professional wrestling, I mean the world at large the proper attitude to have is that of selfish love. Love for yourself and love for your own goals and aspirations….
As good as my sister was, as good as my would-be mentor was, and as good as my now ex is….I am that much fucking better. I am a vicious, cold-hearted force of destruction...my heart is black and cold and when I look at everyone I face I don’t see fellow human beings. I don’t feel compassion….I feel anger, I feel hatred...I feel righteous….
And I always have and always will. But still, my sister says I betrayed her. But the truth is, she betrayed herself….
So take your eyes off the trigger
I'm not to blame if your world turns to black
As your eyes start to blister
There's just no hope for our final embrace
So here we are, I'm in your head
I'm in your heart!
You were told to run away
Soak the place and light the flame
Pay the price for your betrayal
5 years ago
Norwich, England.
I was back home for the first time in a year. The cold air hit me in the face like a slap as I got off the plane. I had been sent with instructions to tell my family I was fine, not to worry, that I had found a place of my own and was training to follow in Amber's footsteps. I was told to lie. The truth is that I was being treated as a house pet. Sick perversions thrust upon me in the name of becoming humble.
The entire way to my mother's I had a sick feeling deep in my stomach, a sense of foreboding that just wouldn’t leave. What the hell was it?
I walked to the door and let myself in plastering a happy smile on my face as I saw my mother, she smiled back, not as big as I thought, something seemed on her mind, she hugged me and sighed, then I felt another one, I turned and there was Tasmin, 14 years old and almost as tall as me, her long black hair dyed with a few blonde and purple streaks. God, she looked more like me and Amber than I thought. I laughed and we made small talk. Then it hit me the feeling of being watched.
I turned and saw her. Amber. In the house, away from Renee, standing right next to me. I swallowed hard and there was a silence, an uncomfortable one you could cut with a knife, the tension in the air so thick. She stepped forward and hugged me, it was awkward and full of dislike and anger. As Tasmin and our mother talked Amber leaned in and whispered one sentence that sent a chill down my spine.
“She won’t save you….”
Forced Teaming
“This is a joke right? It has to be a fucking joke.”
Kayla paces back and forth. Her heavy black boots hitting the hardwood floor over and over as she shakes her head. Her voice low and almost a growl.
“Not just a tag match, a six person tag match, and I’m being forced to team with Pyro. FUCKING. PYRO. And against Pixie goddamn Sloane. Again. That’s a quadruple whammy of GET FUCKED. I hate this, I hate relying on others, I hate teaming with pieces of shit, and I hate facing that other piece of shit who STOLE MY GODDAMN TITLE. This arrogant little wood elf piece of crap that looks like the laziest fluffer on a vegas porn set who wishes she was me. But she can’t be me, you’re either perfect, or you’re not me. AND SHE’S NOT PERFECT.”
Kayla lashes out, slapping a glass vase off the table sending it crashing to the floor and exploding into a million pieces. She closes her eyes and breathes deep.
“Ok, calm down. I get it, you’re all sitting there laughing and giggling like lunatics. Pixie Sloane took the Noble title from me. Haha right? That fool Jason Long failed than somehow FAILED UPWARDS and became the [rime champion, after losing to me. And now Pixie has unseated me, so where do I go from here huh? Where does Kayla Richards go? Well, apparently I’m going right into a tag team match. Three people on one side and their last three opponents in honor of some random bullshit day.”
“Amazing.”
“Amazing how stupid bullshit like this seems to constantly make its way into Project Honor. You think I want to team with Pyro? A man who has an unhealthy obsession with burning things and mayhem. Someone who insinuated he would melt my...assets. And I have to team with this nutjob? I have to rely on this idiot to watch my back? Someone who got knocked out and knocked his opponent out? It is infuriating. And Valkyrie? Some bottle blonde generic wannabe? Someone who let Savannah Sunshine of all people win a match?”
“These are my teammates?”
She shakes her head and folded her arms over her chest.
“I have to rely on them to help me beat Fairweather, Savannah and Pixie. Great. You know, out of the three opponents the only one I don’t hate with a blinding rage is Fairweather. See, Julius, despite being a bit of an idiot, is atleast entertaining. He admittedly uses fuck more than I do but still, atleast when Julius talks I find myself wanting to listen and I laugh. More than I can say about the other two. And to be honest Julius, you look better with the bald head. The crazy curly hair was a little too 1980s. And I beat you want to get revenge on Pyro don’t you?”
“Like maybe you should take him out. Destroy him? Hmm? Would that be a good idea? I think that would be a good idea.”
“And it would be alot more fun than watching a Sunshine Savannah match.”
“The queen of boredom and convoluted bullshit. It’s ok everyone, everything I say here will be whined about in some kind of long winded speech that actually makes very little in the way of points and instead is just her whining like a child. See Savannah, while you were able to win a triple threat match for a shot at the Noble title you really didn’t put up much of a fight in the fourway did you? Elena DeDraca and I went to war and wanted to end each other, I got taken out by Pixie Sloane who wasn’t even in the match but you? You failed to stop Elena from winning. And now you have to team with the woman you have to face for the Noble title and I’m wondering what sob story you’re going to think up now…”
Kayla scoffs and smirks, her lips twisting upward.
“I also find it hilarious that last time you decided to have a big ol bitch about the fact all anyone talks about is your little relationship. That’s all people pick on right Savannah? Gee, you know, you must have missed when I said you were a pathetic backyard wrestler with a fake injury and sob story as well as a bad mother and shitty human being. But no, you glossed over that. So I said it again. You’re a boring piece of shit.”
“But, you’re a boring piece of shit that I hope beats Pixie Sloane.”
Kayla claps slowly and sarcastically. Over and over again as she growls under her breath.
“Congratulations Pixie. You beat me. That’s it, that’s the comment. At Disputed Territory you were the better woman, one on one. And normally I have an excuse. The tyrant match Shawn Warstein was able to lie in wait and get the win over me after I hade eliminated everyone else. The triple threat match you won, well you beat Crash, hell even the match against Jason Long, he pulled a lucky win out of his ass and even the fourway match with Elena...you got involved…”
“But…”
“As much as it...pains me...I have to admit that you won, fair and square. On that night, Pixie Sloane was better than Kayla Richards...And in saying that, I want to throw up. But, you can keep that title. You can go and defend it in boring ass matches with boring ass promos where you change your personality every five seconds to appease people. Meanwhile, I’ll just be over here being me. And I am the baddest bitch in Fallout...and despite having worthless tag team partners I’m going to do the selfless thing….and carry them…”
Your Betrayal
Our lives are always shaped by the decisions we make. In Fact, the infinite reality theory says that for every action ever made in the world, every decision there is an alternate reality. No matter how mundane or basic the decision is. From whether to get sugar in your morning coffee or an artificial sweetener, to non-dairy creamer or milk, to move or stay where you are. All decisions, all the time, all day and all night cause a fork split and a tree is formed.
It’s theories like this one that cause my brain to hurt as I think about the many ”what if’s” in my life. What if I’d left sooner?. What if I never did?. What if Amber and Jaxon stayed?. What if our mother left our father when we were born?...or when Amber was born?. Then there are my decisions that fractured my relationship with them. The decisions that broke my own heart as well as others.
Where would I be if I had walked away from the life I had gotten into?
Where would I be if I hadn't let Ana Valentine corrupt me?
Would I even be the same person?. You see I was much more like Tasmin when I was younger. Her sweet and kind nature is a genuine product of her life. She was untouched, pure, loved, and protected. She had a stepfather that loved her after our father passed away. She was protected by myself and Amber before Amber took off to America.
Me though?. Mine was a mask. But it was a mask I was comfortable in. A smile that didn’t turn my stomach. A sweet tenderness I didn’t feel was fake. But then a meeting changed it all. A moment where my sister was so busy with her own life, her own issues that she didn’t even see it coming. She didn’t see the dark shadow approaching me from behind ready to destroy me for the sake of a hatred that was directed at her.
Ana fucking Valentine.
Now don’t let her little happy life fool you. The smile with her new husband after she dropped Alex Jones for finally getting sick of being humiliated in public and fucking a younger...less saggy version of her. Her kids and her corporate life. She is a killer. She is a vile sadistic, manipulative bitch. And I admire her for that. See everything I am, everything I do is because of her.
She took me, she used me, she pushed me towards darkness and an acceptance of my apathy I never knew existed. So really, I should thank her. In this world, and no I don’t mean professional wrestling, I mean the world at large the proper attitude to have is that of selfish love. Love for yourself and love for your own goals and aspirations….
As good as my sister was, as good as my would-be mentor was, and as good as my now ex is….I am that much fucking better. I am a vicious, cold-hearted force of destruction...my heart is black and cold and when I look at everyone I face I don’t see fellow human beings. I don’t feel compassion….I feel anger, I feel hatred...I feel righteous….
And I always have and always will. But still, my sister says I betrayed her. But the truth is, she betrayed herself….
So take your eyes off the trigger
I'm not to blame if your world turns to black
As your eyes start to blister
There's just no hope for our final embrace
So here we are, I'm in your head
I'm in your heart!
You were told to run away
Soak the place and light the flame
Pay the price for your betrayal
5 years ago
Norwich, England.
I was back home for the first time in a year. The cold air hit me in the face like a slap as I got off the plane. I had been sent with instructions to tell my family I was fine, not to worry, that I had found a place of my own and was training to follow in Amber's footsteps. I was told to lie. The truth is that I was being treated as a house pet. Sick perversions thrust upon me in the name of becoming humble.
The entire way to my mother's I had a sick feeling deep in my stomach, a sense of foreboding that just wouldn’t leave. What the hell was it?
I walked to the door and let myself in plastering a happy smile on my face as I saw my mother, she smiled back, not as big as I thought, something seemed on her mind, she hugged me and sighed, then I felt another one, I turned and there was Tasmin, 14 years old and almost as tall as me, her long black hair dyed with a few blonde and purple streaks. God, she looked more like me and Amber than I thought. I laughed and we made small talk. Then it hit me the feeling of being watched.
I turned and saw her. Amber. In the house, away from Renee, standing right next to me. I swallowed hard and there was a silence, an uncomfortable one you could cut with a knife, the tension in the air so thick. She stepped forward and hugged me, it was awkward and full of dislike and anger. As Tasmin and our mother talked Amber leaned in and whispered one sentence that sent a chill down my spine.
“She won’t save you….”
Forced Teaming
“This is a joke right? It has to be a fucking joke.”
Kayla paces back and forth. Her heavy black boots hitting the hardwood floor over and over as she shakes her head. Her voice low and almost a growl.
“Not just a tag match, a six person tag match, and I’m being forced to team with Pyro. FUCKING. PYRO. And against Pixie goddamn Sloane. Again. That’s a quadruple whammy of GET FUCKED. I hate this, I hate relying on others, I hate teaming with pieces of shit, and I hate facing that other piece of shit who STOLE MY GODDAMN TITLE. This arrogant little wood elf piece of crap that looks like the laziest fluffer on a vegas porn set who wishes she was me. But she can’t be me, you’re either perfect, or you’re not me. AND SHE’S NOT PERFECT.”
Kayla lashes out, slapping a glass vase off the table sending it crashing to the floor and exploding into a million pieces. She closes her eyes and breathes deep.
“Ok, calm down. I get it, you’re all sitting there laughing and giggling like lunatics. Pixie Sloane took the Noble title from me. Haha right? That fool Jason Long failed than somehow FAILED UPWARDS and became the [rime champion, after losing to me. And now Pixie has unseated me, so where do I go from here huh? Where does Kayla Richards go? Well, apparently I’m going right into a tag team match. Three people on one side and their last three opponents in honor of some random bullshit day.”
“Amazing.”
“Amazing how stupid bullshit like this seems to constantly make its way into Project Honor. You think I want to team with Pyro? A man who has an unhealthy obsession with burning things and mayhem. Someone who insinuated he would melt my...assets. And I have to team with this nutjob? I have to rely on this idiot to watch my back? Someone who got knocked out and knocked his opponent out? It is infuriating. And Valkyrie? Some bottle blonde generic wannabe? Someone who let Savannah Sunshine of all people win a match?”
“These are my teammates?”
She shakes her head and folded her arms over her chest.
“I have to rely on them to help me beat Fairweather, Savannah and Pixie. Great. You know, out of the three opponents the only one I don’t hate with a blinding rage is Fairweather. See, Julius, despite being a bit of an idiot, is atleast entertaining. He admittedly uses fuck more than I do but still, atleast when Julius talks I find myself wanting to listen and I laugh. More than I can say about the other two. And to be honest Julius, you look better with the bald head. The crazy curly hair was a little too 1980s. And I beat you want to get revenge on Pyro don’t you?”
“Like maybe you should take him out. Destroy him? Hmm? Would that be a good idea? I think that would be a good idea.”
“And it would be alot more fun than watching a Sunshine Savannah match.”
“The queen of boredom and convoluted bullshit. It’s ok everyone, everything I say here will be whined about in some kind of long winded speech that actually makes very little in the way of points and instead is just her whining like a child. See Savannah, while you were able to win a triple threat match for a shot at the Noble title you really didn’t put up much of a fight in the fourway did you? Elena DeDraca and I went to war and wanted to end each other, I got taken out by Pixie Sloane who wasn’t even in the match but you? You failed to stop Elena from winning. And now you have to team with the woman you have to face for the Noble title and I’m wondering what sob story you’re going to think up now…”
Kayla scoffs and smirks, her lips twisting upward.
“I also find it hilarious that last time you decided to have a big ol bitch about the fact all anyone talks about is your little relationship. That’s all people pick on right Savannah? Gee, you know, you must have missed when I said you were a pathetic backyard wrestler with a fake injury and sob story as well as a bad mother and shitty human being. But no, you glossed over that. So I said it again. You’re a boring piece of shit.”
“But, you’re a boring piece of shit that I hope beats Pixie Sloane.”
Kayla claps slowly and sarcastically. Over and over again as she growls under her breath.
“Congratulations Pixie. You beat me. That’s it, that’s the comment. At Disputed Territory you were the better woman, one on one. And normally I have an excuse. The tyrant match Shawn Warstein was able to lie in wait and get the win over me after I hade eliminated everyone else. The triple threat match you won, well you beat Crash, hell even the match against Jason Long, he pulled a lucky win out of his ass and even the fourway match with Elena...you got involved…”
“But…”
“As much as it...pains me...I have to admit that you won, fair and square. On that night, Pixie Sloane was better than Kayla Richards...And in saying that, I want to throw up. But, you can keep that title. You can go and defend it in boring ass matches with boring ass promos where you change your personality every five seconds to appease people. Meanwhile, I’ll just be over here being me. And I am the baddest bitch in Fallout...and despite having worthless tag team partners I’m going to do the selfless thing….and carry them…”
