[Where Is Alice Knight?] "A FALLHOOT Return? Muh..."

HOME SWEET HOME.



"Alice... wake up. Alice... ALICE!!"



A shot of Alice slowly opening her eyes and waking up on her couch as Ferguson stares down at her.



Alice: Whu-what do you want?



Ferguson(sighing): C'mon Alice. You gotta get up! Get back in good spirits again. Maybe go for a jog or hit the gym and work out. You need something to get you out of this rut. Plus you have a match at Fallout in a week against that Kevin Hunter guy... you need to show the world you still have it.



Alice feels around the floor and picks up a dried up slice of pizza. She goes to eat it but Ferguson kicks it out of her hand.



Alice: What the HELL is your problem, Fergie???



Ferguson: You is my problem! YOU 'IS' THE PROBLEM! You're a mess, Alice. Look at this place... it looks like a disaster. OWLIE is so thin, haven't you been feeding it?



Alice shrugs.



Ferguson: C'mon... get up.



Alice: Dude... just leave me alone. Plus the place is not a mess... I am just helping out the unseen creatures out. Noooo not the invisible scary monsters that DO exist in my head. The ones that inhabit our clothes, Ferguson. The ones that are in our furniture and also, living in something like that pile of old wet rags in the corner over there, the pails and pans of dripping rain water in the bedrooms. But don't worry, they are usually so microscopic you need some glasses and one of those microscopes to see them. Sure, some are bigger. But that doesn't mean they don't need help and food too... muh...



Ferguson: Stop your 'muh'ing. Get up!



Alice: I am just going to lose to Kevin Hunter anyway. Like i lose to everybody. I can't even get a hug from anyone these days. I used to be a loveable babe that everyone wanted to get inside my panties. Now, I can't give them away... and I can barely give a hand job right these days. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WIN MATCHES! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BEAT KEVIN HUNTER OR ANYONE OF THIS STUPID PROJECT HONOR ROSTER! MUHHHHH!



Ferguson rolls his eyes and sits down swatting away at some flies around his head. Alice huffs on a old rag that reeks of turpentine. Ferguson fights a clearly high Alice, pulling the rag away from her.



Ferguson: Enough.... And look... some of your unseen creatures are buzzing around my head...



Alice: Those are my houseflies. I took them in like I did to you, Ferguson. They just fly around and yes, occasionally, in my mouth as I am chewing. But they're cool... they usually just MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS like you should. They just reproduce around the house, mostly in owl droppings. Unlike the ants...



Ferguson: Oh Jesus... not you and Ants again. I thought you stopped collecting ants years ago?



Alice: Heyyyyyy... I LOVE ANTS! Sure it still creeps me the hell out when I see old chilli beans, dried up hot dog pieces and crunched potato chips are just casually moving around the floor. It's like... these ants are crazy hungry. BUT because of ME! They eat well. Live well... and ... well... eat well.




Ferguson: Okay, time to get up girl. I'm going to call a maid service to fix and clean this place up. And you and me are going to go for a nice walk in the fresh air. Kay?



Alice: Muh... walk...? Duuuuuude.



Ferguson pulls Alice to her feet who stumbles around walking towards the front door.



Alice: Again, there's a serious amount of owl poop on the floor. So... be careful.



Ferguson rolls his eyes again and tip toes through the owl droppings and follows her out the door.



THE WALK & TALK.



Alice still staggering around as she walks down the sidewalk with Ferguson following her on his cell phone.



Ferguson: Yep, that's the place. But be warned Miss Sanchez .. it's pretty freaking messy at her house. Ya... it's pretty gross...



Alice: Muh... dude. That's my home you are speaking ill of.



Ferguson: That is hardly a home anymore... more like a dump-hole.



Alice: Whatever... what am I going to do? I will not be ready for Kevin Hunter at FALLOUT! Everyone there thinks I am a joke. Like FALLHOOT was totally catching on... with the fans and with some members of the roster... and then I lost two matches in a row... in awful fashion. Then I vanished. And EVERYONE is laughing at me... and... and... just because, on occasion, I give a handy to B-Level celebrities. And old farmers... and the onetime to a dead guy. But that doesn't make me Project Honors town pet slut-dog. I can see them snickering behind my back. They be sayin' "Look, her comes Alice. She's a loser-whore... let's NEVER hug her."



Ferguson: Why do you want to be hugged by any of these jerk heads?



Alice: It's no secret that the three most things I want in this world when it comes to a bonding friendship with anyone. Is One. A nice, gently and warm hug. Not too long though. The perfect HUG length. And Two. Someone who appreicates me for me being me. Me, me. That's why I don't have many friends. They either think I am too weird and crazy to befriend. Or too awesome and cool to befriend. One of those...



Ferguson: Number three?



Alice: Huh?



Ferguson: You said there was three things you wanted? What is the third?



Alice: Oh... yeah. Number three. Striped straws...



Ferguson: Huh... what... what does that even mean?



Alice: STRIPED! STRAWS! I hate it when people need it spelled out to them. God damn it. But Kevin Hunter is some lucky. Because I will not be my 100% this week at Fallout. Which means my losing streak continues. Which means less money for me and even less respect. Like, I beat Furious Julius in my second match her in Project Honor. It was great. I was on top of the world. He is someone I can respect in this business. He said he would hug me, but I believe that to be a lie... he just wants to sex me up. And sure, I also had an erotic dream of him. And I am very curious about his junk size. But his enemy is this REAL prick, his name is Pyro. I tried to be nice to him once and he pissed in my face. Not literally. And ever since that, we have been on and off arguing with each other. He keeps teasing and laughing at me. Well the jokes on him... because just like him, FIRE sucks. I hate fire.



Ferguson: Most people do...



Alice: Not this ass-head. He LOVES it. He threatened to light me a'blaze. I talked to PR about it but they said 'FUCK OFF, ALICE' in so many words.



Ferguson: I am sure they weren't that harsh...



Alice: No? A return to the dark match openers? A return to the lower card? Why? Because I took a short L.O.A.? Because I don't play by FALLOUT GM Christian Demarco's rules. GAWD! If i didn't invest so much time and money in this FALL-HOOT venture of mine. I would so LEAVE and go to Proving Grounds. But while I slipped and fell, hard. FALLHOOT is MY show. And the FALLHOOT fans look up to me.



Ferguson: That's the old Night Owl we need right now.



Alice: I dunno... there is a shift going on. FALLHOOT is sure to take off once again. Once I get 100% better. But did you hear and see what this White Rose guy is doing to the brand? He is trying to take over and I assume build some sort of gross and creepy cult on my SHOW! I need to investigate this further because I am not sure what his plans are. His mind games may work on someone like Kevin Hunter... but not me... All i know is I don't like him so far. But he does have a cool mustache and pretty sexy feathered hair though...



Ferguson: I think you're back, Alice.



Alice: You think? Wow, I do feel better. We'll see how things go from here on. I need to take back my show. FALLHOOT needs to return. And it begins...again... against Kevin Hunter in... Columbia...? Really? Imagine the cocaine i could get for dirt cheap there...



Ferguson: Alllllice!



Alice: I know... I know...



They continue to walk back to Alice's house. They get to the front door where three of the hired maids are running franticly around the front lawn with each a Raccoon on their backs.



Ferguson: Jesus Christ, Alice. You have a raccoon problem too?



Alice(shrugging): I knew there was something digging through my garbage bags of ravioli cans and my other garbage bag full of... ravioli cans... what do we do now?



Ferguson: I'm calling a exterminator... after the police.



Alice: Let me just quickly run in and get Owlie, some clothes, my ring gear and boots. My magic markers of course... my bootleg Matchbox 20 CDs... um... And hide my pot stash and... can I make some toast? No time for toast, right???



Ferguson: Nope. Hurry.



Alice storms past the maids being attacked by the raccoons and runs into the house as the scene fades out.



End?