Chapter 9: Sweet Release and Chapter 10: Guiding Light
Apr 28, 2021 5:09:58 GMT -5
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Post by Dreamkiller on Apr 28, 2021 5:09:58 GMT -5
9. Sweet Release
Breathe Into Me
People believe suicide to be a cowardly act. The last refuge of the damned. A movement by someone who can no longer put up with the agony of life. They often point out the plight of the loved ones left behind. What about the mother?. What about the father?. Siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles. And god forbid children. But the truth is the desperation of wanting to end it knowing that there will be nothing at the end of that rainbow takes courage.
To look at your life and feel there is no way out, to feel so helpless that sometimes it just hurts to breathe. I’ve been there. I’ve felt it. To be looking back at your past and then to the future and not see a way out. Sometimes the nothingness and darkness of death are more comforting than the thought of what could happen if your life drags on and limps further down that line. Sometimes living is the scary part. But to look off that cliff knowing and feeling that if you do it then it will be that final moment and then to take that step?.
I’ve come close. I’ve made that decision. And truth me on this. It is a decision. It’s a choice you are bringing onto yourself to just stop.
And no one should ever tell you when and how you opt out of life. People are so concerned with terminal physical illness. The plight of them and the fact they deserve to be euthanized if they so choose. What about the mental pain?. What about depression?. Imagine that you’re a grown adult. Imagine that you feel uncomfortable in your skin and every time you close your eyes you see the worst things you have ever experienced. Then imagine that the only thing to take away that pain could kill you….
Now think about sleep, how your body needs it and craves it but every single day you are scared to death of what will go through your mind when you slip into it. You’re faced with two roads. One of them is feeling it all, feeling everything that has ever hurt you, and coming to that realization. The thought of ending it. Or….you turn off. You flip a switch and feel nothing. Is that a way to live?. Is that a way to coast through existence?.
Sure. You don’t feel pain, sorrow, anger, sadness. But look at what you miss out on?. You look into your lover's eyes and you see the happiness that you have and you mirror it back. But feel empty. Keeping out the negative also eliminated the positive. But if the negative is so overbearing you can’t even enjoy life. Then what’s the point?. And those of you who have never been into that darkness. Those of you who have never had something so fucking horrible happen to them that it infects every single fiber of your being then I am happy for you.
But you’re also unable to judge, you're unable to feel it. And should learn….to shut your fucking mouths….
And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me
And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you
And this is who I am when I don't know myself anymore
And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me
Dallas Texas
6 Years Ago
Breathe Your Life Into Me
I heard his zipper go up, his belt clink and move as he buckled it up with a laugh as he looked over his shoulder at me. His long hair tied back as his toothless grin made my stomach turn. The meaning behind it, the feeling of being used. The dirt seemed to cover my body as the smell refused to leave. The smell of his body, his flesh, his breath. All of it covered me like some kind of blanket. I could feel parts of my skin crawling. His lips had pressed against my naked flesh, his tongue had tasted and moved.
I sat on the edge of the dirty mattress, uncovered or protected. The door opened and he high-fived his brother. They laughed in their strong southern accents. The older brother tieing his bandana as the younger one looked in, his smile fading as his brother turned, his look going from amused to one filled with pity. Pity…..he pitied me….
They walked off, I saw her face, she sneered, she laughed and so did the Dark Angel. His eyes were hidden under glasses as she grabbed him pulling his face to hers, kissing him hard in front of me before again sneering from behind her perfect pink lips and long curly blonde hair. But I knew, I knew her secret and so did he. But why hadn’t my Dark Angel destroyed her?. She didn’t have the faith I did, the devotion, the love. He didn’t return it to me. Allow me to feel it.
Instead, I was used, Instead, I was hurt. I was a plaything, a pound of flesh and bone to be toyed with.
As they walked away I felt something on my face. Something warm and wet. My fingers moved to my cheek and I pulled them away finding a tear. A tear. Why was I crying?. Why did I care?. Why did my chest hurt?. My stomach in knots. I felt pain, a shock of it running through my mind. My hands shook and my heart raced. I stepped out of the small room I moved down the hallway, my fingertips stretched out as I touched the smooth wall to either side before getting to the bathroom to wash up.
I turn on the hot water, my eyes trailing down to find an old straight razor. As the steam rises and coats the mirror my hand drifts to it. I stare at the blade, still shiny and sharp, well taken care of. It wouldn’t take much. Just a small flick, a quick movement up my arm. It would be over. I’d never had to smell either of them again, feel the sickness. I’d never close my eyes and see my past. It would be done, over. I’d be free.
I took a deep breath putting the razor down, my hand moving up to the mirror wiping away the condensation, I laugh to myself as a smirk comes across my lips. I’ll show them all. I’ll bring it all down around them….it gives me purpose….a reason….
...---...
How To Gloat and Eclipsing Sunshine.
“I told you so.”
She couldn't help but smile and laugh, the Project Honor Noble title sitting behind her as she adjusted her leather jacket and sat back.
“I had nothing against Marth Atlas personally. I never had more than a word with her and didn;’t get to know her. But a few weeks ago we were booked in a match. And I told her, I told all of you and I told Christian DeMarco I wasn’t just coming for the win. I was coming for blood. I was coming for her goddamn scalp. This is the second time I have been forced to end someones Project Honor career. And this one, well this one was something special. See before she ran into me little miss Martha was all about telling you all about her mental instability.”
“She said she was dangerous.”
“Dangerous, that’s funny.”
“A lot of people want to talk the talk but very few walk the walk and that is something I do very very well. When I got here and I told you all that I would do whatever it takes to succeed so many people either gave a small nod of complacency, like they understood what I was saying and the others wrote it off as some kind of bland statement that everyone was making. But, since you didn’t hear or understand me let me say it again.”
“I will do whatever it takes to succeed.”
She pauses and lets the words sink in, her hands clasping together as she purses her plack outlined lips together. Her sharp features are accentuated by her makeup and her long black hair framing her face.
“That includes injuring people and ending their careers, that includes bending or flat out breaking rules. Winning is winning and when you’re the best you find a way to win. And that is what I did against Zack Styler and Sara Cross when I broke Sara and sent her from this company. That’s what I did when I beat Finale and forced him to realise he didn’t belong here, that is what I did to Jason Long when he dared believe lightening could strike twice and he could beat me for the Noble championship, and that is what will happen to Pixie Sloane if she tries to step up to me again.”
“I am still the Noble champion, I am still the real danger in this company. And you will put some fucking respect on my name.”
She growls out the last few words and clears her throat before sitting back and raising her left hand, keeping her right hand down onto the wooden arm of the chair as a glass of red wine is placed in her left hand. Her legs, clad in tight-fitting black denim and black leather boots cross over each other.
“Now. I have the small matter of reminding you all what I’m capable of out of my system so now I can put the exclamation point on it. Fallout IV, aptly named Laying Claim. Because that is what I will be doing. Four women will enter that ring in Brazil and fight it out. From the shiny new fan favorite Alice Knight, to the ass-kissing Savannah Sunshine, the fake bad ass wannabe champion Elena DeDraca...and, of course…the star of this thing.”
”Me”
“Now, I’ll get to Alice “this is the longest I’ve stayed in one place” Knight and Elena later. First up I have to address the woman who seems to have made a huge splash in the world of Project Honor. The smiling happy go lucky Savannah Sunshine. Wow. You know, if you think the fact you beat Drago means I’m not going to talk some serious shit right now, then I have some bad fucking news sweetheart. And again, you’re not someone I know personally and I really don’t wish to change that.”
“I know what you’ve most likely heard about me. That I’m a bitch, or a cunt, or that I think I’m better than everyone else. And I can assure you right now, that simply isn’t true.”
“I know I’m better than everyone else.”
“And that includes your boyfriend. And while I don’t know you personally I have seen enough of your fucking personal life on twitter to make some informed decisions about your lack pf intelligence. You candy coated douchebag.”
Kayla takes a sip of her wine and slowly places the glass on the table before clearing her throat.
“You followed Jason Long here like some kind of lost puppy, smiling and bouncing around the whole time with this whole “Candyland” personality in toe to try and appeal to the lowest common denominator of person. All preloaded with the amazing comeback and redemption story about how you were a yard-tard and a single mother, how now you’re making this huge step forward in the wrestling world while not being good enough to actually win anything by the way.; So inspiring. My god, the heart bleeds.”
“It’s almost like you and Elena DeDraca are cut from the same cloth, that bitch owns a cupcake store and has a kid too, she’s just smart enough to have a better look and aesthetic and actually win titles instead of surviving off Jason Longs man gravy.”
“But honestly, how smart are you really? Cause I’m running a pool backstage and we’d like you to take an IQ test. I have 55-75...I think DeMarco picked 85-105, he seems to have more faith in you than I do. See, you broke your neck right? You hurt yourself so bad that you had to walk away. Yet here you are back in the ring when you have a kid that is dependent on you. A kid you leave every few weeks to do this job that you love so much that could paralyze you at any moment. Wow, incredible Savannah, truly. But because you came in and got a win over Pat the postman and Tyler Bradford, two guys who can’t buy relevancy and a fluke over Drago. Amazing.”
“We both know if Drago was on his game he would have taken your creamy digits home with him in a little baggy.”
“But you still won, so congratulations little Savannah. You had a chance to win the main event but got eliminated early and failed to pull the trigger. Unlike me when I’m in big chance matches. Like the Tyrant. I got beaten by one of the best in the business. You got eliminated before Havok, Alice, and Julius. The fact that you get to be in the main event against two of the champions of this company is a joke. You and Alice Knight should be facing each other in a dark match for the title of “most annoyingly dumb bitch". The fans would be the winners there.”
Kayla drinks the rest of her win putting her other hand on her hip before taking a long-drawn-out breath in and back out again.
“I have to lower myself to getting in the ring with a woman who is nothing but a flavour of the month not just in this company but also in her own relationship. Dating a serial womaniser like Jason Long who will discard her when he’s done and also being stupid enough after being together for two months to not just invite that idiot to meet her son but also let him call himself a “stepfather”, because that is how relationships work. You’re a dumb human being, a fluke of a professional wrestler and a bad mother. That’s the trifecta Savannah and I will make damn sure you can’t and won’t fluke and win in this one…”
...---...
10. Guiding lie/light
Lost in the echo
I failed him.
The Dark Angel I had pledged myself to. It’s strange when you think you can feel nothing but then you’re hit with that realization of regret. That pain of loss. I felt like I loved him, that I was also devoted to her. And even though I knew her secret. The evil within that she had betrayed him, she was getting ready to destroy everything he was I couldn’t bring myself to betray her trust even if it meant my dark angel was going to fail. He was going to be dragged kicking and screaming off his golden throne and thrown into the muck and mire of the common world.
I was torn.
I was conflicted.
I was human.
She was a piece of work that one. I had no real loyalty to her yet she had me convinced she was the true power and that she loved me and cared for me. Part of me wanted to expose her, to tell him about her deception but in the end, it worked against me. I was the one put in an impossible position. I was told to destroy my sister. To go out to the ring and break her down inch by inch….
Don’t come back without her head on a pike and her heart on a platter….
His exact words.
In the end, Amber beat me. I was young, arrogant, and foolhardy in thinking I could charge at her in an animalistic rage and take her down. Amber was stronger, faster, and much more experienced. You’d think I’d be smart enough to know my own sister. Before I knew it I was face down and my ankle was screaming in pain. My hand pounded the mat and it was over. Failure. But they say every dark tunnel has a light at the end of it if you walk far enough. Even for me, it was right but unfortunately…
My light was a bigger lie than what I had been put through before….
And these promises broken
Deep, feeble
Each word gets lost in the echo
So one last lie I can see through
This time I finally let you
Go, go, go
6 Years Ago
Las Vegas Nevada.
Test my will, test my heart
“Get out of my sight….whore” His hand was wrapped around the leather collar, his knuckles pressed against my throat causing me to gag and sputter. He pulled forward and up almost lifting me off the ground. He looked in my eyes and saw the fear, the love, the desperation. I looked back in his eyes and saw disgust. With a small flick of his shoulders, I was thrown back through the door into the hallway. He stepped out and looked down at me with a hiss in his voice. His followers, my family stood on with the same looks of disgust in their eyes.
“Worthless. Don’t come back” He slammed the door in my face and I stayed there, on the cold floor as people walked by. I couldn’t even hear their voices, see their faces. All I could see was that door. Closed and unmoving. I wanted to reach out and open it, I wanted to crawl back. I wanted to be owned by them all again. The sense of family was gone and I was alone again. But this time it was worse.
Not only did I no longer have family and love, but I had also lost purpose. My reason for existence. My whole body felt that numbness again. The feeling I had fought so hard to drop, to lose, to overcome. And then I heard her voice. It was the only thing that could cut through the pain. I looked up and the light above crowned her head like a golden halo as it mixed with her beautiful blonde hair.
Her soft pink lips, the deep blue eyes.
She was an angel standing above looking down at me. But unlike the others that stared filled with pity and disgust, this was a look of concern and wonder. She found me intriguing. Her voice was soft, her eyes matched and she pulled me up to my feet. Her hand touched the leather collar and her sigh seemed to have a wave of anger behind it as if she had known what it was to be property. I let her take it off, I let her drop it to the floor and she walked away with me. She was the light….but her lies were greater than the rest...more painful….
And my lessons were not done…..
...---...
A Raven and an Owl walk into a bar. I forgot the punchline but click click boom
We’re back again. Kayla with a wine glass in hand as she paces back and forth, still in her black jeans, leather boots, a white shirt that is low cut enough to show off her chest tattoo as well as, other attributes and a leather jacket.
“Oh little miss Elena DeDraca-Riddle-Mercer-Kristianson. I’ve been looking forward to facing you. And no, it’s not because I want to “test” myself or you’re some kind of great talent. I mean, objectively I suppose you could make that argument couldn’t you? But really, are you?. I mean I like to really look at the people I’m about to face and honey, you’re a fucking mess. You’re not exactly the picture of stability. In your personal life you’ve been a member of a family fill of fuck ups and I say that knowing full well that your brother Finn and I are….. close.”
“But you, you are the most selfish one and I’m not actually saying that as a negative. Mainly because I’m the same way. But where you and I differ Elena is that I admit it.”
“My sisters know who I am, and they accept I’m a complete bitch but you, you lied to your own little brother and manipulated him into believing you really cared when in reality, you don’t and never did. But hey, can we blame you? Your history and your past and the fact you were thrown away like trash by your own family has really got into your head. It has affected everything, from your relationships with your brothers to your relationships with the men in your life. And yeah, I dated Matt Shields, so I can’t say my past is squeaky clean.But I didn;’t have a kid with someone who has done the “I’m going out for smokes” move on you time and time again. I didn’t watch my husband die and jump back into the guys arms who abandoned you and his daughter...wow..”
Kayla starts a slow clap and shakes her head with a small laugh.
“The picture of intelligence right there, and just shows how selfish you are. Now, personal life aside you can say you’re a success in the ring right honey? And I’m sure this confuses you because the limited interaction we’ve had we commiserate over stupidity of other people. And I can agree with you on that. There are stupid people out there, but you’re also one of them. You’re the legacy champion right? The big, bad champion of the entire company. You swoop in, take that title and instantly overshadow your brother who did all the work making Project Honor what it is and FUCK Elena, I’m a cunt and even I think that’s cold.”
“But, you still won that title didn’t you? You walked into that fourway, with two people who left right after and didn’t deserve to be there and the big dumb Australian who is somehow the least intimidating member of a tag team that includes your younger brother…”
“And as a champion, you’ve been...ok…”
“That might seem a little harsh right? But really what have you done? You won it, barely promote the fact you’re supposed to be “the champion”. You beat your brother and then the very next big show, the giant Proving Ground Pay per view they just had, did you defend that title? Did you look for someone who deserved to face you and have a shot at that title? No, of course not. You had a nothing throwaway match with someone who isn’t even on the Project Honor roster...wow. Amazing. This is our champion…”
“But, at least you won. Imagine the shit I’d be giving you if you let Alessandro get a win over you?. It would be a never ending shitstorm.”
She throws her hands in the air with an exasperated sigh.
“But now, you’re up shit creek without a paddle. Cause now you have to get in the ring with myself, Savannah Sunshine and Alice Knight. While the other two will just be happy to be there and face the big champion I’ll be there for a different reason. I want your soul Elena. Well, what’s left of it. I want to look you right in the eye and see the realization that everything you believe yourself to be is a lie. The bad ass champion who spits venom and can tear everyone apart isn’t who you are.”
“It’s who I am…”
“I break people, I laugh at their pain and watch them crawl away never to be seen again.”
“But, I’m keeping you from the important things in life aren’t I? After all Elena you have important business to take care of, like baking cupcakes, being a selective mother, or vaguely subtweeting because you don’t want to have any awkward confrontation, in a business built on confrontation. I’m not here to kiss your ass, show you respect and be nice like everyone else is. I’m here to shine a light on your shortcomings. Since you stepped foot in Project Honor back in November you haver been catered too and spoiled. That shit stops now Elena.”
“See, even though I want to take Savannah and Alice’s heads off, it’s you I want to pin” Kayla points her finger at the camera and smirks. “It’s you I want to submit” She points it a little straighter and lowers her voice. “And everyone else will sing your praises and powder your ass...while I will end the streak and the lie of the fake champion. …”
She sneers and gets her wine glass filled taking another sip.
“Then we have little miss Alice Knight. Hoot hoot right? My god I hate that and I hate people like you. Annoyingly positive and happy all the time. The world is this light and breezy place filled with smiles and love. But the only problem is, that it’s fake. Just like you Alice. See, you have stayed in Project Honor a little longer than you have other companies as of late. From the moment your little dream run in OCW ended you bounced around time and time again. And this little feel good comeback story is going to end soon.”
“If not because you'll get distracted by something shiny and wander off it’ll be because I end you. And don’t think I won’t Alice. I’m not like you, I’m a horrible human being.”
“I was raised into a family where I was always in my sisters shadow, where our father looked for his happiness in the bottom of a fucking bottle. I followed my sisters footsteps, I did everything I could to be like her including being trained by the same man who trained here, a mistake that I still bare the scars from. But I came out of that stronger and better than anyone could ever hope for. So while you bounce around and smile and act like all is well in the world I know it’s sick, dark truth.”
“And where has that truth led me Alice?”
“It has led me to not only the Project Honor Noble championship, but it has also led me to other championships. See, the road you have walked down is built on the back of ONE good run and ONE title win. The path I walk is littered with championships and paved with broken bones and ended careers. You think Sara Cross and Martha Atlas are the only careers I’ve ended? No, not by a long shot.”
She finishes her wine and laughs to herself moving front on.
“So here we are, four women stepping in the ring for the main event of this “ladies night” Two of them are lucky to be here and the other two hold titles. I hate multi-person matches, cause it means I can lose without losing. It gets under my skin and I can feel the annoyance. But, I need to rethink my position. See, I’m going to be in this to beat some sense into Savannah, to help Alice rediscover retirement...and above all..”
“To end the fucking myth of Elena DeDraca..”
Breathe Into Me
People believe suicide to be a cowardly act. The last refuge of the damned. A movement by someone who can no longer put up with the agony of life. They often point out the plight of the loved ones left behind. What about the mother?. What about the father?. Siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles. And god forbid children. But the truth is the desperation of wanting to end it knowing that there will be nothing at the end of that rainbow takes courage.
To look at your life and feel there is no way out, to feel so helpless that sometimes it just hurts to breathe. I’ve been there. I’ve felt it. To be looking back at your past and then to the future and not see a way out. Sometimes the nothingness and darkness of death are more comforting than the thought of what could happen if your life drags on and limps further down that line. Sometimes living is the scary part. But to look off that cliff knowing and feeling that if you do it then it will be that final moment and then to take that step?.
I’ve come close. I’ve made that decision. And truth me on this. It is a decision. It’s a choice you are bringing onto yourself to just stop.
And no one should ever tell you when and how you opt out of life. People are so concerned with terminal physical illness. The plight of them and the fact they deserve to be euthanized if they so choose. What about the mental pain?. What about depression?. Imagine that you’re a grown adult. Imagine that you feel uncomfortable in your skin and every time you close your eyes you see the worst things you have ever experienced. Then imagine that the only thing to take away that pain could kill you….
Now think about sleep, how your body needs it and craves it but every single day you are scared to death of what will go through your mind when you slip into it. You’re faced with two roads. One of them is feeling it all, feeling everything that has ever hurt you, and coming to that realization. The thought of ending it. Or….you turn off. You flip a switch and feel nothing. Is that a way to live?. Is that a way to coast through existence?.
Sure. You don’t feel pain, sorrow, anger, sadness. But look at what you miss out on?. You look into your lover's eyes and you see the happiness that you have and you mirror it back. But feel empty. Keeping out the negative also eliminated the positive. But if the negative is so overbearing you can’t even enjoy life. Then what’s the point?. And those of you who have never been into that darkness. Those of you who have never had something so fucking horrible happen to them that it infects every single fiber of your being then I am happy for you.
But you’re also unable to judge, you're unable to feel it. And should learn….to shut your fucking mouths….
And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me
And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you
And this is who I am when I don't know myself anymore
And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me
Dallas Texas
6 Years Ago
Breathe Your Life Into Me
I heard his zipper go up, his belt clink and move as he buckled it up with a laugh as he looked over his shoulder at me. His long hair tied back as his toothless grin made my stomach turn. The meaning behind it, the feeling of being used. The dirt seemed to cover my body as the smell refused to leave. The smell of his body, his flesh, his breath. All of it covered me like some kind of blanket. I could feel parts of my skin crawling. His lips had pressed against my naked flesh, his tongue had tasted and moved.
I sat on the edge of the dirty mattress, uncovered or protected. The door opened and he high-fived his brother. They laughed in their strong southern accents. The older brother tieing his bandana as the younger one looked in, his smile fading as his brother turned, his look going from amused to one filled with pity. Pity…..he pitied me….
They walked off, I saw her face, she sneered, she laughed and so did the Dark Angel. His eyes were hidden under glasses as she grabbed him pulling his face to hers, kissing him hard in front of me before again sneering from behind her perfect pink lips and long curly blonde hair. But I knew, I knew her secret and so did he. But why hadn’t my Dark Angel destroyed her?. She didn’t have the faith I did, the devotion, the love. He didn’t return it to me. Allow me to feel it.
Instead, I was used, Instead, I was hurt. I was a plaything, a pound of flesh and bone to be toyed with.
As they walked away I felt something on my face. Something warm and wet. My fingers moved to my cheek and I pulled them away finding a tear. A tear. Why was I crying?. Why did I care?. Why did my chest hurt?. My stomach in knots. I felt pain, a shock of it running through my mind. My hands shook and my heart raced. I stepped out of the small room I moved down the hallway, my fingertips stretched out as I touched the smooth wall to either side before getting to the bathroom to wash up.
I turn on the hot water, my eyes trailing down to find an old straight razor. As the steam rises and coats the mirror my hand drifts to it. I stare at the blade, still shiny and sharp, well taken care of. It wouldn’t take much. Just a small flick, a quick movement up my arm. It would be over. I’d never had to smell either of them again, feel the sickness. I’d never close my eyes and see my past. It would be done, over. I’d be free.
I took a deep breath putting the razor down, my hand moving up to the mirror wiping away the condensation, I laugh to myself as a smirk comes across my lips. I’ll show them all. I’ll bring it all down around them….it gives me purpose….a reason….
...---...
How To Gloat and Eclipsing Sunshine.
“I told you so.”
She couldn't help but smile and laugh, the Project Honor Noble title sitting behind her as she adjusted her leather jacket and sat back.
“I had nothing against Marth Atlas personally. I never had more than a word with her and didn;’t get to know her. But a few weeks ago we were booked in a match. And I told her, I told all of you and I told Christian DeMarco I wasn’t just coming for the win. I was coming for blood. I was coming for her goddamn scalp. This is the second time I have been forced to end someones Project Honor career. And this one, well this one was something special. See before she ran into me little miss Martha was all about telling you all about her mental instability.”
“She said she was dangerous.”
“Dangerous, that’s funny.”
“A lot of people want to talk the talk but very few walk the walk and that is something I do very very well. When I got here and I told you all that I would do whatever it takes to succeed so many people either gave a small nod of complacency, like they understood what I was saying and the others wrote it off as some kind of bland statement that everyone was making. But, since you didn’t hear or understand me let me say it again.”
“I will do whatever it takes to succeed.”
She pauses and lets the words sink in, her hands clasping together as she purses her plack outlined lips together. Her sharp features are accentuated by her makeup and her long black hair framing her face.
“That includes injuring people and ending their careers, that includes bending or flat out breaking rules. Winning is winning and when you’re the best you find a way to win. And that is what I did against Zack Styler and Sara Cross when I broke Sara and sent her from this company. That’s what I did when I beat Finale and forced him to realise he didn’t belong here, that is what I did to Jason Long when he dared believe lightening could strike twice and he could beat me for the Noble championship, and that is what will happen to Pixie Sloane if she tries to step up to me again.”
“I am still the Noble champion, I am still the real danger in this company. And you will put some fucking respect on my name.”
She growls out the last few words and clears her throat before sitting back and raising her left hand, keeping her right hand down onto the wooden arm of the chair as a glass of red wine is placed in her left hand. Her legs, clad in tight-fitting black denim and black leather boots cross over each other.
“Now. I have the small matter of reminding you all what I’m capable of out of my system so now I can put the exclamation point on it. Fallout IV, aptly named Laying Claim. Because that is what I will be doing. Four women will enter that ring in Brazil and fight it out. From the shiny new fan favorite Alice Knight, to the ass-kissing Savannah Sunshine, the fake bad ass wannabe champion Elena DeDraca...and, of course…the star of this thing.”
”Me”
“Now, I’ll get to Alice “this is the longest I’ve stayed in one place” Knight and Elena later. First up I have to address the woman who seems to have made a huge splash in the world of Project Honor. The smiling happy go lucky Savannah Sunshine. Wow. You know, if you think the fact you beat Drago means I’m not going to talk some serious shit right now, then I have some bad fucking news sweetheart. And again, you’re not someone I know personally and I really don’t wish to change that.”
“I know what you’ve most likely heard about me. That I’m a bitch, or a cunt, or that I think I’m better than everyone else. And I can assure you right now, that simply isn’t true.”
“I know I’m better than everyone else.”
“And that includes your boyfriend. And while I don’t know you personally I have seen enough of your fucking personal life on twitter to make some informed decisions about your lack pf intelligence. You candy coated douchebag.”
Kayla takes a sip of her wine and slowly places the glass on the table before clearing her throat.
“You followed Jason Long here like some kind of lost puppy, smiling and bouncing around the whole time with this whole “Candyland” personality in toe to try and appeal to the lowest common denominator of person. All preloaded with the amazing comeback and redemption story about how you were a yard-tard and a single mother, how now you’re making this huge step forward in the wrestling world while not being good enough to actually win anything by the way.; So inspiring. My god, the heart bleeds.”
“It’s almost like you and Elena DeDraca are cut from the same cloth, that bitch owns a cupcake store and has a kid too, she’s just smart enough to have a better look and aesthetic and actually win titles instead of surviving off Jason Longs man gravy.”
“But honestly, how smart are you really? Cause I’m running a pool backstage and we’d like you to take an IQ test. I have 55-75...I think DeMarco picked 85-105, he seems to have more faith in you than I do. See, you broke your neck right? You hurt yourself so bad that you had to walk away. Yet here you are back in the ring when you have a kid that is dependent on you. A kid you leave every few weeks to do this job that you love so much that could paralyze you at any moment. Wow, incredible Savannah, truly. But because you came in and got a win over Pat the postman and Tyler Bradford, two guys who can’t buy relevancy and a fluke over Drago. Amazing.”
“We both know if Drago was on his game he would have taken your creamy digits home with him in a little baggy.”
“But you still won, so congratulations little Savannah. You had a chance to win the main event but got eliminated early and failed to pull the trigger. Unlike me when I’m in big chance matches. Like the Tyrant. I got beaten by one of the best in the business. You got eliminated before Havok, Alice, and Julius. The fact that you get to be in the main event against two of the champions of this company is a joke. You and Alice Knight should be facing each other in a dark match for the title of “most annoyingly dumb bitch". The fans would be the winners there.”
Kayla drinks the rest of her win putting her other hand on her hip before taking a long-drawn-out breath in and back out again.
“I have to lower myself to getting in the ring with a woman who is nothing but a flavour of the month not just in this company but also in her own relationship. Dating a serial womaniser like Jason Long who will discard her when he’s done and also being stupid enough after being together for two months to not just invite that idiot to meet her son but also let him call himself a “stepfather”, because that is how relationships work. You’re a dumb human being, a fluke of a professional wrestler and a bad mother. That’s the trifecta Savannah and I will make damn sure you can’t and won’t fluke and win in this one…”
...---...
10. Guiding lie/light
Lost in the echo
I failed him.
The Dark Angel I had pledged myself to. It’s strange when you think you can feel nothing but then you’re hit with that realization of regret. That pain of loss. I felt like I loved him, that I was also devoted to her. And even though I knew her secret. The evil within that she had betrayed him, she was getting ready to destroy everything he was I couldn’t bring myself to betray her trust even if it meant my dark angel was going to fail. He was going to be dragged kicking and screaming off his golden throne and thrown into the muck and mire of the common world.
I was torn.
I was conflicted.
I was human.
She was a piece of work that one. I had no real loyalty to her yet she had me convinced she was the true power and that she loved me and cared for me. Part of me wanted to expose her, to tell him about her deception but in the end, it worked against me. I was the one put in an impossible position. I was told to destroy my sister. To go out to the ring and break her down inch by inch….
Don’t come back without her head on a pike and her heart on a platter….
His exact words.
In the end, Amber beat me. I was young, arrogant, and foolhardy in thinking I could charge at her in an animalistic rage and take her down. Amber was stronger, faster, and much more experienced. You’d think I’d be smart enough to know my own sister. Before I knew it I was face down and my ankle was screaming in pain. My hand pounded the mat and it was over. Failure. But they say every dark tunnel has a light at the end of it if you walk far enough. Even for me, it was right but unfortunately…
My light was a bigger lie than what I had been put through before….
And these promises broken
Deep, feeble
Each word gets lost in the echo
So one last lie I can see through
This time I finally let you
Go, go, go
6 Years Ago
Las Vegas Nevada.
Test my will, test my heart
“Get out of my sight….whore” His hand was wrapped around the leather collar, his knuckles pressed against my throat causing me to gag and sputter. He pulled forward and up almost lifting me off the ground. He looked in my eyes and saw the fear, the love, the desperation. I looked back in his eyes and saw disgust. With a small flick of his shoulders, I was thrown back through the door into the hallway. He stepped out and looked down at me with a hiss in his voice. His followers, my family stood on with the same looks of disgust in their eyes.
“Worthless. Don’t come back” He slammed the door in my face and I stayed there, on the cold floor as people walked by. I couldn’t even hear their voices, see their faces. All I could see was that door. Closed and unmoving. I wanted to reach out and open it, I wanted to crawl back. I wanted to be owned by them all again. The sense of family was gone and I was alone again. But this time it was worse.
Not only did I no longer have family and love, but I had also lost purpose. My reason for existence. My whole body felt that numbness again. The feeling I had fought so hard to drop, to lose, to overcome. And then I heard her voice. It was the only thing that could cut through the pain. I looked up and the light above crowned her head like a golden halo as it mixed with her beautiful blonde hair.
Her soft pink lips, the deep blue eyes.
She was an angel standing above looking down at me. But unlike the others that stared filled with pity and disgust, this was a look of concern and wonder. She found me intriguing. Her voice was soft, her eyes matched and she pulled me up to my feet. Her hand touched the leather collar and her sigh seemed to have a wave of anger behind it as if she had known what it was to be property. I let her take it off, I let her drop it to the floor and she walked away with me. She was the light….but her lies were greater than the rest...more painful….
And my lessons were not done…..
...---...
A Raven and an Owl walk into a bar. I forgot the punchline but click click boom
We’re back again. Kayla with a wine glass in hand as she paces back and forth, still in her black jeans, leather boots, a white shirt that is low cut enough to show off her chest tattoo as well as, other attributes and a leather jacket.
“Oh little miss Elena DeDraca-Riddle-Mercer-Kristianson. I’ve been looking forward to facing you. And no, it’s not because I want to “test” myself or you’re some kind of great talent. I mean, objectively I suppose you could make that argument couldn’t you? But really, are you?. I mean I like to really look at the people I’m about to face and honey, you’re a fucking mess. You’re not exactly the picture of stability. In your personal life you’ve been a member of a family fill of fuck ups and I say that knowing full well that your brother Finn and I are….. close.”
“But you, you are the most selfish one and I’m not actually saying that as a negative. Mainly because I’m the same way. But where you and I differ Elena is that I admit it.”
“My sisters know who I am, and they accept I’m a complete bitch but you, you lied to your own little brother and manipulated him into believing you really cared when in reality, you don’t and never did. But hey, can we blame you? Your history and your past and the fact you were thrown away like trash by your own family has really got into your head. It has affected everything, from your relationships with your brothers to your relationships with the men in your life. And yeah, I dated Matt Shields, so I can’t say my past is squeaky clean.But I didn;’t have a kid with someone who has done the “I’m going out for smokes” move on you time and time again. I didn’t watch my husband die and jump back into the guys arms who abandoned you and his daughter...wow..”
Kayla starts a slow clap and shakes her head with a small laugh.
“The picture of intelligence right there, and just shows how selfish you are. Now, personal life aside you can say you’re a success in the ring right honey? And I’m sure this confuses you because the limited interaction we’ve had we commiserate over stupidity of other people. And I can agree with you on that. There are stupid people out there, but you’re also one of them. You’re the legacy champion right? The big, bad champion of the entire company. You swoop in, take that title and instantly overshadow your brother who did all the work making Project Honor what it is and FUCK Elena, I’m a cunt and even I think that’s cold.”
“But, you still won that title didn’t you? You walked into that fourway, with two people who left right after and didn’t deserve to be there and the big dumb Australian who is somehow the least intimidating member of a tag team that includes your younger brother…”
“And as a champion, you’ve been...ok…”
“That might seem a little harsh right? But really what have you done? You won it, barely promote the fact you’re supposed to be “the champion”. You beat your brother and then the very next big show, the giant Proving Ground Pay per view they just had, did you defend that title? Did you look for someone who deserved to face you and have a shot at that title? No, of course not. You had a nothing throwaway match with someone who isn’t even on the Project Honor roster...wow. Amazing. This is our champion…”
“But, at least you won. Imagine the shit I’d be giving you if you let Alessandro get a win over you?. It would be a never ending shitstorm.”
She throws her hands in the air with an exasperated sigh.
“But now, you’re up shit creek without a paddle. Cause now you have to get in the ring with myself, Savannah Sunshine and Alice Knight. While the other two will just be happy to be there and face the big champion I’ll be there for a different reason. I want your soul Elena. Well, what’s left of it. I want to look you right in the eye and see the realization that everything you believe yourself to be is a lie. The bad ass champion who spits venom and can tear everyone apart isn’t who you are.”
“It’s who I am…”
“I break people, I laugh at their pain and watch them crawl away never to be seen again.”
“But, I’m keeping you from the important things in life aren’t I? After all Elena you have important business to take care of, like baking cupcakes, being a selective mother, or vaguely subtweeting because you don’t want to have any awkward confrontation, in a business built on confrontation. I’m not here to kiss your ass, show you respect and be nice like everyone else is. I’m here to shine a light on your shortcomings. Since you stepped foot in Project Honor back in November you haver been catered too and spoiled. That shit stops now Elena.”
“See, even though I want to take Savannah and Alice’s heads off, it’s you I want to pin” Kayla points her finger at the camera and smirks. “It’s you I want to submit” She points it a little straighter and lowers her voice. “And everyone else will sing your praises and powder your ass...while I will end the streak and the lie of the fake champion. …”
She sneers and gets her wine glass filled taking another sip.
“Then we have little miss Alice Knight. Hoot hoot right? My god I hate that and I hate people like you. Annoyingly positive and happy all the time. The world is this light and breezy place filled with smiles and love. But the only problem is, that it’s fake. Just like you Alice. See, you have stayed in Project Honor a little longer than you have other companies as of late. From the moment your little dream run in OCW ended you bounced around time and time again. And this little feel good comeback story is going to end soon.”
“If not because you'll get distracted by something shiny and wander off it’ll be because I end you. And don’t think I won’t Alice. I’m not like you, I’m a horrible human being.”
“I was raised into a family where I was always in my sisters shadow, where our father looked for his happiness in the bottom of a fucking bottle. I followed my sisters footsteps, I did everything I could to be like her including being trained by the same man who trained here, a mistake that I still bare the scars from. But I came out of that stronger and better than anyone could ever hope for. So while you bounce around and smile and act like all is well in the world I know it’s sick, dark truth.”
“And where has that truth led me Alice?”
“It has led me to not only the Project Honor Noble championship, but it has also led me to other championships. See, the road you have walked down is built on the back of ONE good run and ONE title win. The path I walk is littered with championships and paved with broken bones and ended careers. You think Sara Cross and Martha Atlas are the only careers I’ve ended? No, not by a long shot.”
She finishes her wine and laughs to herself moving front on.
“So here we are, four women stepping in the ring for the main event of this “ladies night” Two of them are lucky to be here and the other two hold titles. I hate multi-person matches, cause it means I can lose without losing. It gets under my skin and I can feel the annoyance. But, I need to rethink my position. See, I’m going to be in this to beat some sense into Savannah, to help Alice rediscover retirement...and above all..”
“To end the fucking myth of Elena DeDraca..”
