| Father Issues & Fat Alice | The FACE of Gooey FallHOOT!

The following video doesn't represent ideas of PROJECT: HONOR and are views and expressions of Alice Knight. With that said. HOOT HOOT HOOT

We see a red curtain set up in Alice's living room. Holding a small camcorder is Alice's right hand man, and currently unemployed Ferguson. Alice can be heard behind the curtain.



Alice: Are you ready Ferguson?



Ferguson: I.. I think so?



Alice: Dude, what does that mean? Yes or no?



Ferguson: Um, then yes?



Alice: Good let us begin...



Alice presses play on her boom box playing "Mexico" by James Taylor before jumping through the curtain holding a microphone. She poses for the camera.

Alice: Hoot, hoot everyone. Now if you are watching this video it is either I am dead from a sewer pipe explosion disaster. Or... you got this in the mail, Girl Scouts of America. If you give me 5 minutes, I can give you plenty of reasons why I should be the spokes-woman and the face on the cover of your new cookie brand, Gooey Raspberry Cremes. And how I am more the obviously the choice than anyone else on the FallHOOT roster. And why I shouldn't have to even bother competing in this battle royal TABLE match to earn this opportunity.



Alice takes a deep breath.



Alice: For one. I am a former girl scout. Yes! I once sold cookies door to the door just like all of you watching. I was even told by the other girls that I was the 'best of the best' at selling cookies. Hear that? 'Best of the Best'! Those girls didn't have to say that. Of course not. I was just that damn good. And... I also sold a truck load to actor Eric Roberts, brother of Julia Roberts! And STAR of the film, 'Best of the Best'. And for the record, Eric didn't molest me like the papers said! Sure, later in my 20's I gave him a handy, but that doesn't count. I sold those cookies like a champ. Plus, I was also a Brownie for a few months, before I was kicked out. I accidently stabbed a cat with a knife... 9 times. The cat lived so I don't know what the big deal was... whatever, I don't hold grudges. Never have. Never will. Unless you include the time I held a grudge against those bitchy girl brownies who kicked me out for stabbing a cat... 9 times. Assholes.



Alice looks confused. Squinting her eyes as if a sharp headache has hit her.



Ferguson: You okay, Alice?



Alice: Forget about it. Forgazi. Forgahzi. Forget about it. Fergie even went through the task of getting my old girl scout uniform from my father... now Ferguson, let's see it.



Ferguson: Um, about that...



Alice: What? You didn't get it?



Ferguson: I don't think so...



Alice: You... YOU DON'T THINK SO!?!? You either did or didn't. Which is it?



Ferguson: Then I did...



Alice: Are you sure?



Ferguson: ... no.



Alice suddenly starts throwing a tantrum kicking the camcorder off the tripod. Tearing down the curtain behind her. In the background in it's cage, Owlie can also be seen flipping out. Ferguson, now hiding in the corner scared to death as Alice slowly approaches him.



Alice: It's ok... Ferguson. It's cool. I'm cool. I won't hurt you. I wouldn't hit you, even when you PISS ME OFF!!!!! No... not this Alice. The Night Owl doesn't hurt friends. This does mean I have to visit my father and his gay lover Benjamin to get the outfit. Which is a PAIN IN THE ASS!!!! But... But first...



Alice bends down and grabs Ferguson by the ear lifting up to his feet and in eye contact with her.



Alice: You know the drill, Fergie.



Ferguson looks over at the hot boiling tea kettle on the kitchen stove.



Ferguson: Do... do... do I have to?



Ferguson looks at Alice, teary eyed.



Alice: Touch it, Ferguson. 5 seconds. This is the punishment for your mistake. 5. Seconds...



Ferguson slowly approaches the tea kettle hand sticking out as Alice stares at him with a sadistic smile.



CUT TO THE OUTSIDE WHERE WE HEAR FERGUSON'S VOICE SCREAMING IN PAIN AS ALICE CAN BE HEARD COUNTING DOWN.












Cuts into Father Knights apartment building. Alice and Ferguson can be seen walking in a elevator. They push the 16th floor. It beings going up to the 16th floor as Alice looks nervous while Ferguson, bandaged hand and all, looking on oblivious.



Alice: Ugh... this is going to be awkward. I feel it... this won't end well. So, who exactly am I facing? Who am i facing in this battle royal anyway? Also why is there tables too? Sick people on FallHOOT.



Ferguson pulls out a piece of paper with his good hand and reads off the participants.



Ferguson: Well, Julius of course, Pyro. Havoc? Not sure. Eli Atlas. Daniel Horror.... Pixie Sloane. She's good. The Gym Coach. Jason Long. Um, Savannah Sunshine... Kagome? Logan Burgess.... Rapture?



Alice: Bunch of stacked people. But why risk having someone like Pyro's mug as the face of this new cookie? He probably likes his cookies burnt to a crisp. What kind of monster likes burned cookies. I even offered to work with him too. Luckily he turned me down, because I doubt we could see eye to eye on the direction these cookies should go... Project: Honor should be worried as sin if he gets to be the face. It's GIRL scouts, not fire ugly bearded maniac scouts... though, that be wild to see.



Ferguson: True...



Alice: I should have offered a deal with Pixie. We could totally see eye to eye on a lot of good ideas, I am sure. Raspberry Creme would be their best seller, no doubt. But... I'll have to throw her out of the ring into a table just like everyone else if I have too. But this won't be easy for me. Easy for anybody in the match. That's why I'm not going the ruthless route. I'm gonna get this sponsorship with wit and professionalism. Win or win. Or lose. Win or lose... yeah... they will WANT ... no! NEED ol' Alice for the face... which is why I need my old uniform to show them exactly why it HAS to be me.



The elevator door opens. Alice takes a deep breath and walks out followed by Ferguson. They get to his door as TWO OF HEARTS by Stacey Q can be heard blasting from inside the apartment.






Benjamin, her father's lover, opens the door wearing only a robe and silk tight under wear. Looking very sweaty.



Benjamin: Alice! Heeeellllllllooooo girl! So nice to finally meet you... look at me acting like some Danish Muffin. Come on in you two...



Alice: Hi, Benjamin. We're actually in a hurry. I thought I could just pick up the girls scout uniform and take off.



Father Knight: Nonsense. Make them some margaritas, Benny.






Alice's father walks out of the single bed room as Benjamin puts on a t-shirt walking by her father, they show some affection towards one another before he walks into the kitchen. Alice looks at Ferguson making a 'gag' motion with her hand and mouth. Ferguson shrugs not getting what she means.



Father Knight: Hello, Dear Alice. We were just going through old photo albums when we found the uniform. I forgot you were a heavy young lady.



Alice(embarrassed): Dad...



Benjamin: I thought she was a cutie...



Father Knight: Oh she was... no doubt, darling. But you were fat. I remember telling your mother 'we don't wanna sew the fat hogs mouth shut... just want her to eat less sugar!'



Ferguson laughs with Benjamin and Father Knight.



Alice: And you wonder why we never speak anymore, dad...?



Father Knight: Look honey. It's nothing personal. You were a big girl. So what? I remember putting you in front of the mirror so you would try and be proud of your hog flesh. I'd tell you say to yourself 'Fat stinking HOG, I like you!" You would just cry and run to your room.



Alice(teary eyed): Owls don't cry...



Father Knight: You almost ran away from home when I told the other girl scout members that we wanted to have a daughter, not a planet.



Alice: Okay, where is the uniform?



Father Knight: Yeah it's in that cardboard box over there. So how is the 'rassling career, Alice? Still losing and flaking as usual?



Alice: Actually for your information it's going real well. About to be the face of a new cookie actually. So there.



Father Knight: Hmmm, you 'rasslers don't win championship belts anymore? Just cookies, huh? They'll go straight to your hips.



Benjamin: For serious, Al' he may be joking but eat too much junk and ...



Alice: NOT! INTERESTED! IN YOUR OPINION, BEN!!



Father Knight: Be nice to your fathers, Alice. You didn't even introduce us to your boyfriend...



Alice: Look! He isn't my father and he isn't boyfriend. He's just some dirty gross bum that I allow to hang around with me. I am currently in-between men at the moment.



Father Knight: Gone lesbian? Makes sense.



Alice: Eww. No! You know what you have no right to ask me about my love life... or lack thereof. SoOOOO! Here's the deal, I'm leaving. WE are leaving. And I hope to not speak to you in another 6-7 months. Toodles...



Alice grabs the box and pulls on Ferguson shirt as they exit. They rush down the hallway but her father chases after her catching her before she gets on the elevator.



Father Knight: Look, sweet heart. There's just been a lot going on. Divorcing your mother, my new job and of course my lover Benjamin... it's been harder and harder to connect with you. But you must know I love you, Alice. Not in the way i love Benjamin... just because i am a gay man doesn't mean i hate women or something. I appreciate the dong just like you, dear.



Alice: I'm going to throw up.



Father Knight cups his hand below her chin to catch the vomit if she does throw up. Alice swipes his hand away.



Alice: Look I get it. I love you too. But I also have a lot going on. Not just with my love life or my wrestling career. I mean the last few years I was a bum. Collecting ants, fighting my way to the top of the mountain. And when I got to the top, the mountain cracked below me.



Father Knight goes to say something. Alice cuts him off.



Alice: No, not because I was fat, dad. That fact is, I'm back on my feet. Climbing the mountain again. This cookie deal with only prove that I am not the same ol' flake and loser I was made out to be by some others. This is mine to take. And by golly goo I am going to take it...



Father Knight: That a girl. Go get'em! That's one brave HOG!



Alice rolls her eyes. Father Knight kisses Alice on the cheek before she goes into the elevator standing next to Ferguson.



Ferguson: That went well... right?



Alice: Yeah not bad. But this was only phase one. Now I need to show the world that I am the face of this Gooey Raspberry cookie. The face of FallHOOT and Project Honor. THE FACE OF THE WRESTLING WORLD.



Alice opens the box to see photo of her as a chubby young girl.

Ferguson: Eww.



Alice: Excuse me?



Ferguson: Um, I mean... c-ewwwww-ute.



Alice whacks his sore hand before pulling out he old girl scout uniform with her other hand. She puts it up against her chest, and it could easily fit her today.



Alice: Was I really that big? Doesn't matter. Now they will all know that this gig is mine. I AM ONE BRAVE HOG!



Alice stuff it back in the box as the scene fades to black.

THE END