Post by cadillac on Apr 7, 2021 20:57:36 GMT -5
Scene 1: On the Road Again PT: 1 [OFF CAMERA]
"Just hold on, we're going home (going home)
Just hold on, we're going home (going home)
It's hard to do these THINGS ALONE (things alone)
Just hold on, we're going home, ho-oo-oo-oomee"
("Hold on, We're Going Home" by Drake bumps through the muffled old sound system of Cadillac's 2006 Nissan Altima, both Cadillac and his brother Doobie belting out the hook as the two fly down I-95 North. Oceans and mountain ranges can be seen flying in the background, filling the horizon as the brothers speedily traverse the interstate of the beautifully boring but unexpectedly tranquil state of Maine. Doobie sits passenger seat, in one hand fiddling with his phone and the other palming a half-eating Big Mac. Cadillac takes the more elegant approach, attempting to drive with one knee as he chaoticly shovels lettuce from his Ceaser salad into his mouth. Doobie looks over at him with a dubious smile.)
DOOBIE: Getting fit for your prom dress soon bruh?
(Cadillac throws his hands in the air, having to actually use one to grab the wheel and cut back into his own lane after the sudden movement. He shakes his head.)
CADILLAC: Cut the shit Doob, you know I hate dieting. But this swole don't take a day off, and if I'm driving all the way to Maine to do a meet and greet, you best believe I'm going to look good in those photos posted to Instagram.
DOOBIE: Oh yeah, I guess I never really questioned you anyways. Why are we going to Maine to do this?
CADILLAC: Cheap real estate baby! They're paying for promotion, so they've been advertising me, and I only had to pay $500 to rent out an entire half of the mall. It's our biggest break yet.
DOOBIE: An entire half? You really think it's going to be that big?
CADILLAC: Of course it is! It's Maine my man, the hell else they got going on? We'll have the foot traffic, plus all the back-woods folks that love them some grapplin'. I've been to Portland years ago, and this is like two hours north in a place called Bangor? But I'm sure it'll be just as nice. So you stick to your burger over there, Lil man, and I'll keep this money-maker lookin' good. Cuz ya know what they say, you gotta stay lean to earn the green, baybay.
(Cadillac turns to flash Doobie that patented Cadillac smile, and Doobie rolls his eyes. When Cadillac returns his eyes to the road, he is greeted by one of Maine's notoriously nasty potholes, and boy oh boy does salad dressing go flying. Leafy greens and chicken chunks are slung to the floor as Cadillac once again serves to get back into the correct lane, offending a very large truck who was attempting to pass that respectfully reminds Cadillac that "he's number one" with a middle finger. As Ceased dressing drips in clumpy plops from the ceiling, Cadillac turns with a pout to Doobie, who stifles a laugh.)
DOOBIE: Yeah uh, you can keep that green my dude.
(Cadillac scowls and turns up the radio.)
"Cuz you're a good girl and you know it.
You act so different around me.
Cuz you're a good girl and you know ItIttttTT,
I KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU COULD BEEEEEE
AWWWWWW JUST HOLD ON, WE'RE GOIN HOME"
Scene Two: Time to Stand Out [POSTED TO YOUTUBE]
"SO here's the thing dudes and dudetts, I'm not going to waste a ton of your time talking your ear off today cuz I'm about to head inside to do a HUGE meet and greet. BUT, I can't let you all sit a whole two weeks without hearing from YA BOI about what you can expect to see come this weeks Proving Ground. Now, I've been on a tad of a rough stretch, growing pains of joining a new company and what not, but I'm here to let each and every one of you know that that's all about to change! Don't get me wrong, the losses I've suffered have been against stiff competition. Myojin has been a bit of my Kryptonite, and my ol' pal Emmy and I are now 1 and 1, all tied up baybee. But that all changes at Final Appeal.
I go up against Emmy ONCE AGAIN, and in yet another tag match. With all the durst of respects to Emmy, I proved to her in my debut JUST how good I actually am, and who the better competitor is in singles competition. But, ya know, life goes on and this time we once again find ourselves in yet another tag team affair. This one of course very different than the first, but I'll get to that I a little bit. However, I just want to come in here and extend a bit of an olive branch, let bygones be bygones and finally once and for all we can step into the ring and find out which of the two of us are truly the best. But, I got a spoiler alert for ya big Em, you can watch my debut if you want a hint as to the outcome.
But like I said, this match will certainly be an entirely different beast. Emmy will be teaming up with the incredibly talented TJ Thompson. Now TJ, you're someone I've been keeping my eye on since my arrival here in Project Honor. I saw you're impressive run with The Warrior Rising Championship, including an impressive defense against my tag partner this week. However, while you held your own with that championship, in the few months that you held it you never had to face a man like Cadillac baby. I'm an entirely different entity, and when I get a big W over a former champion? That's just step one to getting some gold around this perfect lil waste.
Of course I won't be doing it all alone, not by a long shot. I am once again teaming up with a tank of a partner, but in a slightly different way. Last time I was teaming with Lance Armstrong, who was an absolute muscle-bound monster. This time around? Well... It's still a monster that I'll be teaming with, that's uh, that's for sure. Look, I'll be honest. When I first joined Project Honor one of my favorite stars was Pat the Postman. What's not to love!? Big, hard working salt of the Earth man! But uh, I think it's safe to say the man's missing a few stamps now? He's come unhinged man, plain and simple. While, I'll be straight, I'm a little afraid of teaming with Pat this week... That's way worse news for Emmy and TJ. Not only do they have to go one on one with one of the biggest, baddest, most imposing and beloved members of the Project Honor roster... But Pat the Postman too!
Bottom line is this my friends, you're looking at the most motivated man on this roster; and in this entire company if we're betting honest. I've had a rough start, but I want this. I NEED THIS. And the road to success all starts at Final Appeal. If I don't come out with a win? It'll be easy to see why some people would call me a flash in the pan, all spark no flash. But when I walk out victorious? That all changes. It all changes because I WILL walk out the winner, I WILL prove my worth, and I WILL... avoid Pat the Postman at all costs.
But, I digress. Emmy, TJ, good luck to you my friends. I'm going to go do what I do best; be a gosh darn role model and... More importantly... MAKE SOME BIG TIME CASH MONAYYYYYYY. I'll see you all at Proving Ground: Final Appeal. Smooches as always."
Scene 3: On the Road Again PT: 2 [OFF CAMERA]
(A seagul engages in a fight over an old, stale stray French fry that had migrated from the McDonald's in the adjoining parking lot of the Bangor Airport Mall. One of the seagulls emerge victorious and fly away, not having to dodge many cars or people in the practically empty parking lot. Inside the mall Cadillac stands with a fake plastered smile on his face behind a folding table. A blue table cloth is draped over it, and on a white piece of poster board reads "LIVE TODAY - MEET AND GREET WITH PROJECT HONOR PROVING GROUNDS STAR: CADILLAC JACKSON" and underneath it reads in parentheses "(he's a professional wrestler)". Alongside that is a white piece of regular paper that reads "8x10's - $10. Pictures - $10. Combo DEAL - $19.99." Doobie sits on the floor next to Cadillac, hand on his chin as he surfs the internet on his phone. Cadillac looks around nervously at the literally two people he can see within eye shot: one a homeless looking man wondering the mall looking through multiple closed-stores windows; the other a Rent-A-Center employee just randomly wandering the halls as opposed to watching his empty store. Rent-A-Center was one or five places still open in this mall, along with a sketchy pet store, a sketchy Subway sandwich shop, a sketchy smoke shop, and...a not overly sketchy DMV. Doobie sighs and looks at his wrist, just for dramatics as he's wearing no watch.)
DOOBIE: Welp, this has been successful.
CADILLAC(under his breath): shutupdoobs... peoplearegonnahearyou...
DOOBIE: Seriously man this has been a waste of time. You've taken a picture with one dude who just saw the title "wrestler", signed an 8x10 for some dudes kid because he forgot it was his birthday and "watches TV on the Facebook" and has "probably seen you somewhere", and took a picture with a lady who FOR SOME REASON thought you were Ben Stiller!?
CADILLAC: NO... she asked if I KNEW Ben Stiller... to which I responded yes.
DOOBIE: ... I'm going to wait in the car.
CADILLAC: Aw come on Doobie...things are going to look up. Hey look, here comes a guy now...
(A very hefty redneck fella with a truckers cap and a flannel shirt approaches with a slip of paper in his hands.)
CADILLAC: Hey man! It's nice to meet ya, I'm Cadi-
GUY: Yeah I'm here to look at your Cadillac's, I'm lookin' to buy.
CADILLAC: My wha-, no there's been a mistake. I'm a famous pro wrestling supersta-
GUY: Look, this better not be one of those online scams. I saw this add last week for this event.
(He pushes the paper into Cadillac's chest. Cadillac pulls it back and looks it over. On it is a very poor cut out of himself on a blank white background, with the black texts "JACKSON'S CADILLAC'S - COME SEE EM LIVE THIS WEEKEND". Cadillac frowns.)
CADILLAC: I'm sorry, man, there's been a misunderstanding. This flyer isn't the most specif-
GUY: Ehhhhh fuck you, you ain't gonna scam me, ya pecker head.
(The man walks off in a huff, and Cadillac pouts. He looks around and catches the eye of the Rent-A-Center employee. Cadillac tries to puff his chest and hide his bruised ego.)
CADILLAC: Pftt... Some people just don't understand hard work, am I right?
(He receives no response from the employee who just rolls his eyes and retreats into his store. Cadillac's lip furrows and he sighs before very carefully beginning to pack up his merch, wisely calling it a day.)
"Just hold on, we're going home (going home)
Just hold on, we're going home (going home)
It's hard to do these THINGS ALONE (things alone)
Just hold on, we're going home, ho-oo-oo-oomee"
("Hold on, We're Going Home" by Drake bumps through the muffled old sound system of Cadillac's 2006 Nissan Altima, both Cadillac and his brother Doobie belting out the hook as the two fly down I-95 North. Oceans and mountain ranges can be seen flying in the background, filling the horizon as the brothers speedily traverse the interstate of the beautifully boring but unexpectedly tranquil state of Maine. Doobie sits passenger seat, in one hand fiddling with his phone and the other palming a half-eating Big Mac. Cadillac takes the more elegant approach, attempting to drive with one knee as he chaoticly shovels lettuce from his Ceaser salad into his mouth. Doobie looks over at him with a dubious smile.)
DOOBIE: Getting fit for your prom dress soon bruh?
(Cadillac throws his hands in the air, having to actually use one to grab the wheel and cut back into his own lane after the sudden movement. He shakes his head.)
CADILLAC: Cut the shit Doob, you know I hate dieting. But this swole don't take a day off, and if I'm driving all the way to Maine to do a meet and greet, you best believe I'm going to look good in those photos posted to Instagram.
DOOBIE: Oh yeah, I guess I never really questioned you anyways. Why are we going to Maine to do this?
CADILLAC: Cheap real estate baby! They're paying for promotion, so they've been advertising me, and I only had to pay $500 to rent out an entire half of the mall. It's our biggest break yet.
DOOBIE: An entire half? You really think it's going to be that big?
CADILLAC: Of course it is! It's Maine my man, the hell else they got going on? We'll have the foot traffic, plus all the back-woods folks that love them some grapplin'. I've been to Portland years ago, and this is like two hours north in a place called Bangor? But I'm sure it'll be just as nice. So you stick to your burger over there, Lil man, and I'll keep this money-maker lookin' good. Cuz ya know what they say, you gotta stay lean to earn the green, baybay.
(Cadillac turns to flash Doobie that patented Cadillac smile, and Doobie rolls his eyes. When Cadillac returns his eyes to the road, he is greeted by one of Maine's notoriously nasty potholes, and boy oh boy does salad dressing go flying. Leafy greens and chicken chunks are slung to the floor as Cadillac once again serves to get back into the correct lane, offending a very large truck who was attempting to pass that respectfully reminds Cadillac that "he's number one" with a middle finger. As Ceased dressing drips in clumpy plops from the ceiling, Cadillac turns with a pout to Doobie, who stifles a laugh.)
DOOBIE: Yeah uh, you can keep that green my dude.
(Cadillac scowls and turns up the radio.)
"Cuz you're a good girl and you know it.
You act so different around me.
Cuz you're a good girl and you know ItIttttTT,
I KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU COULD BEEEEEE
AWWWWWW JUST HOLD ON, WE'RE GOIN HOME"
Scene Two: Time to Stand Out [POSTED TO YOUTUBE]
"SO here's the thing dudes and dudetts, I'm not going to waste a ton of your time talking your ear off today cuz I'm about to head inside to do a HUGE meet and greet. BUT, I can't let you all sit a whole two weeks without hearing from YA BOI about what you can expect to see come this weeks Proving Ground. Now, I've been on a tad of a rough stretch, growing pains of joining a new company and what not, but I'm here to let each and every one of you know that that's all about to change! Don't get me wrong, the losses I've suffered have been against stiff competition. Myojin has been a bit of my Kryptonite, and my ol' pal Emmy and I are now 1 and 1, all tied up baybee. But that all changes at Final Appeal.
I go up against Emmy ONCE AGAIN, and in yet another tag match. With all the durst of respects to Emmy, I proved to her in my debut JUST how good I actually am, and who the better competitor is in singles competition. But, ya know, life goes on and this time we once again find ourselves in yet another tag team affair. This one of course very different than the first, but I'll get to that I a little bit. However, I just want to come in here and extend a bit of an olive branch, let bygones be bygones and finally once and for all we can step into the ring and find out which of the two of us are truly the best. But, I got a spoiler alert for ya big Em, you can watch my debut if you want a hint as to the outcome.
But like I said, this match will certainly be an entirely different beast. Emmy will be teaming up with the incredibly talented TJ Thompson. Now TJ, you're someone I've been keeping my eye on since my arrival here in Project Honor. I saw you're impressive run with The Warrior Rising Championship, including an impressive defense against my tag partner this week. However, while you held your own with that championship, in the few months that you held it you never had to face a man like Cadillac baby. I'm an entirely different entity, and when I get a big W over a former champion? That's just step one to getting some gold around this perfect lil waste.
Of course I won't be doing it all alone, not by a long shot. I am once again teaming up with a tank of a partner, but in a slightly different way. Last time I was teaming with Lance Armstrong, who was an absolute muscle-bound monster. This time around? Well... It's still a monster that I'll be teaming with, that's uh, that's for sure. Look, I'll be honest. When I first joined Project Honor one of my favorite stars was Pat the Postman. What's not to love!? Big, hard working salt of the Earth man! But uh, I think it's safe to say the man's missing a few stamps now? He's come unhinged man, plain and simple. While, I'll be straight, I'm a little afraid of teaming with Pat this week... That's way worse news for Emmy and TJ. Not only do they have to go one on one with one of the biggest, baddest, most imposing and beloved members of the Project Honor roster... But Pat the Postman too!
Bottom line is this my friends, you're looking at the most motivated man on this roster; and in this entire company if we're betting honest. I've had a rough start, but I want this. I NEED THIS. And the road to success all starts at Final Appeal. If I don't come out with a win? It'll be easy to see why some people would call me a flash in the pan, all spark no flash. But when I walk out victorious? That all changes. It all changes because I WILL walk out the winner, I WILL prove my worth, and I WILL... avoid Pat the Postman at all costs.
But, I digress. Emmy, TJ, good luck to you my friends. I'm going to go do what I do best; be a gosh darn role model and... More importantly... MAKE SOME BIG TIME CASH MONAYYYYYYY. I'll see you all at Proving Ground: Final Appeal. Smooches as always."
Scene 3: On the Road Again PT: 2 [OFF CAMERA]
(A seagul engages in a fight over an old, stale stray French fry that had migrated from the McDonald's in the adjoining parking lot of the Bangor Airport Mall. One of the seagulls emerge victorious and fly away, not having to dodge many cars or people in the practically empty parking lot. Inside the mall Cadillac stands with a fake plastered smile on his face behind a folding table. A blue table cloth is draped over it, and on a white piece of poster board reads "LIVE TODAY - MEET AND GREET WITH PROJECT HONOR PROVING GROUNDS STAR: CADILLAC JACKSON" and underneath it reads in parentheses "(he's a professional wrestler)". Alongside that is a white piece of regular paper that reads "8x10's - $10. Pictures - $10. Combo DEAL - $19.99." Doobie sits on the floor next to Cadillac, hand on his chin as he surfs the internet on his phone. Cadillac looks around nervously at the literally two people he can see within eye shot: one a homeless looking man wondering the mall looking through multiple closed-stores windows; the other a Rent-A-Center employee just randomly wandering the halls as opposed to watching his empty store. Rent-A-Center was one or five places still open in this mall, along with a sketchy pet store, a sketchy Subway sandwich shop, a sketchy smoke shop, and...a not overly sketchy DMV. Doobie sighs and looks at his wrist, just for dramatics as he's wearing no watch.)
DOOBIE: Welp, this has been successful.
CADILLAC(under his breath): shutupdoobs... peoplearegonnahearyou...
DOOBIE: Seriously man this has been a waste of time. You've taken a picture with one dude who just saw the title "wrestler", signed an 8x10 for some dudes kid because he forgot it was his birthday and "watches TV on the Facebook" and has "probably seen you somewhere", and took a picture with a lady who FOR SOME REASON thought you were Ben Stiller!?
CADILLAC: NO... she asked if I KNEW Ben Stiller... to which I responded yes.
DOOBIE: ... I'm going to wait in the car.
CADILLAC: Aw come on Doobie...things are going to look up. Hey look, here comes a guy now...
(A very hefty redneck fella with a truckers cap and a flannel shirt approaches with a slip of paper in his hands.)
CADILLAC: Hey man! It's nice to meet ya, I'm Cadi-
GUY: Yeah I'm here to look at your Cadillac's, I'm lookin' to buy.
CADILLAC: My wha-, no there's been a mistake. I'm a famous pro wrestling supersta-
GUY: Look, this better not be one of those online scams. I saw this add last week for this event.
(He pushes the paper into Cadillac's chest. Cadillac pulls it back and looks it over. On it is a very poor cut out of himself on a blank white background, with the black texts "JACKSON'S CADILLAC'S - COME SEE EM LIVE THIS WEEKEND". Cadillac frowns.)
CADILLAC: I'm sorry, man, there's been a misunderstanding. This flyer isn't the most specif-
GUY: Ehhhhh fuck you, you ain't gonna scam me, ya pecker head.
(The man walks off in a huff, and Cadillac pouts. He looks around and catches the eye of the Rent-A-Center employee. Cadillac tries to puff his chest and hide his bruised ego.)
CADILLAC: Pftt... Some people just don't understand hard work, am I right?
(He receives no response from the employee who just rolls his eyes and retreats into his store. Cadillac's lip furrows and he sighs before very carefully beginning to pack up his merch, wisely calling it a day.)
