Post by pixie on Apr 6, 2021 18:50:56 GMT -5
 monday 29th march - athens, greece rays of sun pierce through threatening clouds, like perforations in a dark canopy, intermittently giving the illusion that good weather is threatening to disrupt the status quo of dreariness. early spring had been a let down wherever pixie had been thus far. london, amsterdam, and now athens. it took her by surprise to see the glimmering beams dance amongst the heavy rain clouds, and she found herself staring up for a moment. distracted, for a moment. from darkness, comes light. crash. her lip curled at the corner as the sound of metal on glass from behind her brought her back to the here and now. she looked down at the golf club in her hand, and then up at the person who was sharing the enclosed junkyard with her. she wound up and swung recklessly into the windshield of a black toyota corolla, and let out an excited yelp. this got dickie watson’s attention, who was much more focused on his task. the much taller, lithe, messy haired enigma met her pretty much straight after wired consequences, had said very little other than a knowing nod of the head. he hadn’t even taken his jacket off before grabbing the nearest piece of scrap metal and begun unloading all he had into the grill of some yellow, part-rusted opel that was right next to the entrance. no thoughtful selection of carrot or stick, no wasted motion. pixie knew he’d taken the outcome of his match somewhat badly. it was to be expected, when someone of his stature falls short. he doesn’t know what it’s like to lose, to fail, and yet he was here. but who was she to insert herself? she was just a vehicle to a convenient and apropos place to be alone in his thoughts, to burn off the rage. she herself did this, often, in trying moments. to burn away that feeling that creeps up in your mind, to smash through the voices that whisper inauspiciously in your ear, sewing doubt. for her part, pixie had been struggling since she took her flight from amsterdam to greece. the aforementioned voices are much louder and seem much more convincing when there are no distractions and you’re left to your own devices for large swathes of time. so when she swung that golf club and closed her eyes waiting for the reverberation to travel up the shaft and into the palms of her hand, she was thinking about all of the things that drove her to be alone three years ago when she ran away from her foster parents’ house. catharsis. i find it cathartic, to let that aggression out. i don’t say anything, i don’t project my trauma, i just fixate and let the emotions happen. i cry. a lot. and smash cars up. also often. i don’t talk about it, but when shit goes sideways, it needs to come out. because if not, it’ll get squashed down. that’s the mistake i made when i was a kid, and then it just exploded anyway, and that was way more difficult to control. so i guess, i kinda call this microdosing. i take control and let it out like a little escape valve. having company is great, so long as they don’t want to get all in their feelings about it. i microdose my expression of anger and generally unload big emotions in this way so that i don’t have to get mushy and sentimental with people. so i don’t have to explode. pixie hops off the corolla, her black doc marten boots clunking against the gravel-covered ground. dickie was swaggering between vehicles, and took out a side mirror with his right boot almost nonchalantly. the two fighters shared a glance at one another, and he nodded at her. an unspoken acknowledgement which pixie returned. monday 5th april - the womb, parts unknown, usa her phone screen lit up as the humming vibration broke the silence in the room. a hand crossed into the light of the screen, aimlessly reaching until eventually long slender black fingers clasped the device and with a swiftness known to all gen z’ers, pixie sloane snoozed her alarm and the room plunged into complete darkness again. we hear the brief rustling of a crisp cotton blanket as she turned over to continue sleeping, and then silence again. i spent the whole day in my head do a little spring cleaning i'm always too busy dreaming well, maybe i should wake up instead not ten seconds pass before the familiar vibration cuts through the silence again. fuck. at this time of day? who died? reaching backward, she pulls the phone up, the backlight illuminating her tired-looking face. its an unfamiliar number dialling. she sighs, audibly frustrated. the clock in the corner of her device tells us that its almost 9 in the morning, and the look on our protagonist’s face lets us know that the time comes as a surprise to her. she had likely been up late, playing warzone as usual. a large yawn, followed by a softened thud as she drops the telephone into the sheets of her bed, letting herself slump down into the covers again. the telephone buzzes a third time. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. fuck, hi? her voice crackles, betraying her newly obtained status as an awake human adult. .｡.:*☆ vincent ★ black ☆*:.｡. training room, immediately. it’s your last day before you fly out. record scratch. hold up. welp, i guess i done fucked up. i guess we should gain a bit of context, yeah? here’s the skinny. there are four of us, affectionately known as the fetal four. yep. lol. and if that wasn’t enough, we lived in the equally appropriately named womb, a tiny apartment block where the four of us had free reign of a floor. there were four small, ragged mattresses on the floor, and no doors on the entire floor. apart from the one that one of the others had obtained. living in the womb was a recent development. its a long story, but to cut to the point, my best mate jj starfire (you met him before) and i have lived with a guy called big tony for about two years, but things got a bit messy when jj started wrestling, and we ended up getting taken under the wing of vin black and vhodka marie, two dynastic names in the world of north american professional wrestling. by one sliding door or another, a geezer called asher was also living with them. odd lad, says hes from england but i think he’s faking the accent, sometimes he forgets and othertimes it is so ridiculous that its unbelievable. he was a friend of a friend of a frenemy or something, but getting a straight answer out of him was impossible, and of course the parents of us fetal four wouldn’t be giving any secrets away. the fourth ‘child’ was noelle. she had a nondescript accent that i had yet to place, and couldn’t have been more than 18 years old either, and always wore a scowl on her black lips, a deep frown on her heavily made up brow. at first i thought she liked asher but then i saw her steal his blanket so now i’m not sure. only me and noelle have dressing for our beds, the boys sleep on the bare mattress. anyway, i’m getting sidetracked with ‘the context’. the whole point of the womb was for vincent and vhodka to grow their embryos, us. they did so by exposing us to conflict repeatedly. making us turn on each other to toughen us up, that was the theory at least. i just wanted to be friends, but they were certainly fabricating a famine based economy. last week, asher stole a door for his bedroom, but when he was sleeping, noelle pissed on the floor of his bedroom. i didn’t tell anyone. i haven’t decided what i am going to do with that leverage, yet. right now, though? that’s our patriarch, the aforementioned vincent, wondering why i’m late for a last minute session that i wasn’t aware i was due to attend. and my stomach just dropped through my colon. because he was an intimidating motherfucker and didn’t suffer foolishness. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. i’m sorry, i didn’t recognise your number, i wouldn’t have cancelled the call. .｡.:*☆ vincent ★ black ☆*:.｡. bring your blanket, it’ll be long gone by the time you’re back from tunisia. a lot of things i regret but i just say i forget why can't it just be easy? why does everybody need me to stay? her finger trembled as she pressed in the red circle on her iphone. she clicked on her bedside lamp, which felt like bleach as the contrast of the room adjusted to her eyes. she eventually summoned the strength to pull herself out of the bed, and quickly put on yesterday’s gym clothes over her slender, bony frame. as she reached her doorless doorframe, she paused, looking back at the blanket in a sorry deflated shape in the middle of the stained single mattress where she’d been asleep. pixie sloane took a deep breath, stepped back into the room, and grabbed hold of it. .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. are you sure? .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. yeah, man. .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. what if-- she smiles, reaches up to his large frame, and pushes her faded ruby lips against his cheek, as if to tell him that she hears his concerns and isn’t worried about them. jj starfire is a very naive kid, but he is also acutely aware of his naivety, and after the first couple of days, he has been completely in his own head about the mindgames of the womb, second-guessing everything. pixie was more street-wise, and played it down. she knew that by the time she got back to the womb, the blanket would be with asher, along with her xbox, but she also knew that she wouldn’t have much trouble bargaining her belongings back. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. i’m gonna miss you. i hope showcase goes well for you, i’ll be watching from africa! .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. africa? .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. bruh, where you think tunisia is? .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. eye-dee-kay, man. don’t worry about me, you focus on fallout, and doing right by you! .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. yeah. i mean, hopefully we can both surprise a few people, eh? .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. she’s just a bully. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. textbook. its okay, though. not my first rodeo, look at me. [ she looks down at herself, grinning. ] everyone thinks they can take advantage of me, push me down, disregard me as a threat. learned long ago that if i shrink down and accept it, submit to their superiority, they’ll just go harder. she wants to bark, fine. i’m not really about that life, though. i’ll just show her who has the sharpest teeth. .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. don’t fixate on her just because she called you a wood-elf, though. the other dude isn’t a nonfactor. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. crash? yeah. he’s a veteran, no? .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. journeyman, looks like. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. you’ve never said a bad word about anyone in your life, jj. how are you gonna go do him dirty like that? .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. no cap, no shade. he alright, man, but like, he ain’t nothing special. the two you ran rings around last week would embarrass him, yanno? .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. i hear you, bromie, but i think he got a lot to prove now. he’s on a skid, nah? getting dicked every week, trying to find his place in the game again. he lost several on the bounce. .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. he another one tryin’ to make people laugh, tryin’ to get over like that. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. well, you say that, but i seent that demeanor in his eyes change lately, i don’t think he ready to just take it easy no more. he could easily be a king maker. .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. maybe he thinks he can play it dumb, be quiet, and take the crown when you busy with each other. maybe he fixin to be a shot taker. you better not take your eye off him, it always makes it unpredictable when there’s a lot to pay attention to at the same time. trust me, i know. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. what do you know? lol. you had two more matches than me, and none of them been a three way dance. no less with anyone of the calibre i have this week. .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. i mean, kayla is aight. but on the real, crash is a bit of a joke at the moment. think he could be dangerous, but realistically.. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. yeah, on the real, he’s probably happy to get cut a check. .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. but the moment you fixate on the mean girl, he’ll small package you and then you’re fucked. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. i mean, do you know anything about me, yet? it won’t happen. i got this, i promise. [ she smiles, gripping his bicep and burying her head into his chest. ] i love you jay, i don’t think i’m comin’ back up so.. yeah.. .｡.:*☆ jj ★ starfire ☆*:.｡. toodle pip, motherfucker. pixie grinned, and thumped his arm. this was his adopted catchphrase, ever since she made him cut his first wrestling promo cosplaying as mary poppins, and now it was an inside joke that they used between them whenever appropriate. this time, though, leaving him felt hard. the buzz of a new opportunity wasn’t as fresh, the anticipation was still there but the challenge ahead felt less like a fun excursion and more like there was a weight she had to carry. a burden, if you will. she didn’t like the way kayla richards had turned her nose up at her and crash rodriguez on twitter immediately after the card had been released. “a failure and someone who cosplays a wood elf. thanks @projecthonor20” it was dismissive, and disrespectful. at wired consequences, pixie had performed well and picked up an unexpected victory. noted, the competition was not of the highest standard, but she beat what was put in front of her, and that was all that could be asked of her. to do more, in her first ever professional bout? to expect more? she surpassed everybody’s expectations. she sat on the stairs at the bottom of the apartment complex, and pressed the icon for twitter on her phone. at the top of her feed it was there, again, the tweet. more people chiming in with their opinion, and kayla’s responses. pixie read the tweet again, and her responses, and kayla’s responses, and then scrolled to the top, and started over. the walk from the womb to the training complex wasn’t long, but long enough for her to decompress her thoughts. she took a deep breath, and then exhaled a thick cloud of condensed carbon dioxide into the bitter morning. let’s do this, she thought to herself. oh, i hate the feeling when you're high but you're underneath the ceiling got the cards in my hand i hate dealing yeah one boot in front of the other. deep breath. exhale. she clicked the voice-record button on her phone, and walked the empty street with the camera pointed up at her face in an unflattering angle. she didn’t care, though, as she snarled before beginning to speak. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. i’m not sure what the intention was, when you wrote that tweet. i’m not sure if you were looking to sell yourself as superior to me, or if you were just trying to be a bitch. you come across as the type to fire a shot over the bough before you’ve assessed the target and made sure it’s hostile. shoot first, ask questions later. hurt people always lash out first, it’s a defense mechanism. it is self-preservation. don’t worry, i have my own share of trauma, so i know all about it. you’re not special in that regard. or any regard, really. it’s the voice in the back of your head that made that bitch-shield for you. the same voice that sews the doubt and uncertainty in your mind, the one that put the butterflies in your stomach and told you that jason long had you dead to rights. the same one that told you that you should control the narrative between us before i got the chance to cut you first. the old adage, the most vicious cuts come from the weakened ones. the ones that are injured. stand strong in the face of conflict and often you’ll see that once the aggressive exterior is pierced, they deflate harmlessly. i don’t want to pop your balloon, i want to respect everybody that i share the ring with, but i fear that the moment for that has passed. i don’t know what your trauma is, but you’re textbook, and you won’t bother me. at first, i thought it was me. i thought it was personal. then i asked around, and it turns out you’re just angry at the world, and it got me wondering why. why would somebody be so unapologetically hostile to everybody? are you so beaten down as a human, that nobody is worth your time anymore? that you can already decipher that before getting to know them? you have no space in your world for new people anymore. anger is a pitiful emotion, girl. you can do better. anger is the emotion of the weak and powerless. the ones who don’t control their destiny, or outcomes. anger is the feeling of frustration as you succumb to the realisation that others are the masters of your fate, and are the captains of your soul. as women, we experience it on a daily basis. people talk down to us, people think they’re better than us, more qualified than us, more intelligent, stronger. because we’re women. i understand that frustration. but the answer isn’t to bend and cower, whilst screaming and brandishing the proverbial knife, because then you perpetuate all of the stereotypes. you give people the power to judge you. i’m sure you think that this is a gimme, a waste of your time, and something that is just there to pad your record. i’m sure that a lot of the others in the know don’t disagree with you, and like you reiterate at each opportunity that presents itself to you, you’re the noble champion. you’re nothing to joke about. the thing is, you seem content. you seem to have found your place in the world and are happy to settle. when you overlooked me as nothing more than a wood elf cosplayer, i challenged you. predictably, you tried to shut me down in that aggressive way that you find so familiar, but something really stuck out in that exchange. the reason i was incorrect in my assessment of kayla richards’ skill was because you were a champion. you’ve made it. and my response was simply that if this is your mountain top then you aren’t ambitious enough. if you’re happy to stay at the summit you’ve ascended to, then that tells me you don’t think you can climb the one that elena has planted her flag in. so make your own glass ceilings, but once i’m done with you, i’m not waiting around to bask in the glory. there are bigger mountains to climb. get everything i need, then i'm gone but it ain't stealing can i get a break? i wish that i could just get out my goddamn way what is there to say? the smile forming on her lips faded completely and instantly, as vincent black was stood in the doorway waiting for her as she meandered slowly down the street, finishing up what she had to say into her phone. she knew the look on his face, and it wasn’t an impressed one. .｡.:*☆ vincent ★ black ☆*:.｡. if you don’t have the blanket, you better go the fuck back. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. i left it with jj, he’ll look after it for me. .｡.:*☆ vincent ★ black ☆*:.｡. if i wanted you to leave it with him, i’d have said so. .｡.:*☆ pixie ★ sloane ☆*:.｡. sir. .｡.:*☆ vincent ★ black ☆*:.｡. the blanket. there ain't a better time than today |
