Post by thegymcoach on Apr 2, 2021 12:16:41 GMT -5
Before Coach was a wrestler, but after he was a coach, the in-between of his careers.
DAMN IT, WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST TAKE THE VACCINE!?!
*heavy sigh*
(Coach drops his spoon into his bowl of Oatmeal and shakes his head.)
Brenda, I told you before, and this is the last time I’m going to tell you. Your immune system is like any other muscle, you have to work it to make it stronger. If I just take a vaccine, I’ll never develop natural immunity.
And I told you the first time you said that that is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard in my life.
You just don’t get it.
(Coach begins shoveling the rest of the oatmeal into his mouth in a rush. Brenda slams a bill down onto the table beside his bowl, and in big red letters it reads “FINAL NOTICE”.)
Well, being homeless is going to do wonders for your immune system.
(Coach shakes his head as he takes his last bite of Oatmeal and stands up from the table, not saying a word as he grabs a Red Bull from the fridge and pulls his gym bag onto his shoulder. He begins to head out the door without a word.)
Where are you going?
(Coach answers without looking back at Brenda.)
I’m going to the gym; I need to think and it is where I do my best thinking.
How about instead of the gym you go to the clinic and get your shot?
(Coach slowly turns around and glares at Brenda the woman he was happily married to for two years, and unhappily married to for the last three.)
How about you send Jeffery out to look for a job?
YOU KNOW HE’S A FULL-TIME STUDENT
He’s taking karate classes at the strip mall.
HE’S TRAINING TO BE A PROFESSIONAL NINJA AND OR BODYGUARD!
YOU KNOW THAT ISN’T A REAL CAREER!
It’s just as real as your coaching career.
(Brenda crosses her arms and gives Coach “the look”, Coach says nothing and simply storms out of the house and heads to the gym. After an epic chest workout and a shower, Coach is getting changed when he makes the mistake of looking up and seeing a naked old man. Old men are always naked in a gym locker room, they have no shame. This old man has one leg on a bench and is blow-drying off his undercarriage.
Coach shutters and finishes packing his bag, he stands to leave and as he turns is face to face with the naked old man.)
Hey brother, you are huge.
(Coach looks down and then back up.)
DAMN IT, WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST TAKE THE VACCINE!?!
*heavy sigh*
(Coach drops his spoon into his bowl of Oatmeal and shakes his head.)
Brenda, I told you before, and this is the last time I’m going to tell you. Your immune system is like any other muscle, you have to work it to make it stronger. If I just take a vaccine, I’ll never develop natural immunity.
And I told you the first time you said that that is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard in my life.
You just don’t get it.
(Coach begins shoveling the rest of the oatmeal into his mouth in a rush. Brenda slams a bill down onto the table beside his bowl, and in big red letters it reads “FINAL NOTICE”.)
Well, being homeless is going to do wonders for your immune system.
(Coach shakes his head as he takes his last bite of Oatmeal and stands up from the table, not saying a word as he grabs a Red Bull from the fridge and pulls his gym bag onto his shoulder. He begins to head out the door without a word.)
Where are you going?
(Coach answers without looking back at Brenda.)
I’m going to the gym; I need to think and it is where I do my best thinking.
How about instead of the gym you go to the clinic and get your shot?
(Coach slowly turns around and glares at Brenda the woman he was happily married to for two years, and unhappily married to for the last three.)
How about you send Jeffery out to look for a job?
YOU KNOW HE’S A FULL-TIME STUDENT
He’s taking karate classes at the strip mall.
HE’S TRAINING TO BE A PROFESSIONAL NINJA AND OR BODYGUARD!
YOU KNOW THAT ISN’T A REAL CAREER!
It’s just as real as your coaching career.
(Brenda crosses her arms and gives Coach “the look”, Coach says nothing and simply storms out of the house and heads to the gym. After an epic chest workout and a shower, Coach is getting changed when he makes the mistake of looking up and seeing a naked old man. Old men are always naked in a gym locker room, they have no shame. This old man has one leg on a bench and is blow-drying off his undercarriage.
Coach shutters and finishes packing his bag, he stands to leave and as he turns is face to face with the naked old man.)
Hey brother, you are huge.
(Coach looks down and then back up.)
Wish I could say the same for you.
(The naked old man looks down and then back up and starts laughing.)
Should have seen me in my day.
(Coach grumbles and begins to walk past the old man.)
You play pro ball or something?
(Coach doesn’t even pay attention to the old man.)
A guy as big as you should be doing something athletic for a living.
(Once again Coach ignores him and keeps walking.)
You ever thought about rasslen?
(Coach stops and turns to look at the old man. Coach tilts his head a bit.)
The stuff on TV where dudes in their underwear rolling around with each other after lathering up with baby oil? Pass.
(Coach leaves the locker room and as he does is told his monthly payment for his gym membership was declined and he needed to make a payment before he could use the gym again. Coach is broke and angry when he gets to his car and it won’t even turn over a dead battery. Coach isn't a knowledgeable mechanic, he is, well a coach, so he is under the hood trying to figure out what is wrong with the car when he hears the old man’s voice again.)
Maybe you need some more blinker fluid.
(Coach is not amused as he comes from under the hood to see the old man, but Coach is relieved that the old man is now wearing clothes.)
I don’t know what’s wrong with this piece of shit. This is the last damn thing I needed.
You need a ride?
No, I didn’t do cardio today, I’ll just jog home.
You sure?
(Coach says nothing and slams the hood of the car shut, and as soon as he does thunder rumbles through the sky as if giving a sign. Coach grumbles and pulls the hood of his hoodie up and takes off jogging. Soon it is raining, and raining hard. Coach keeps jogging at a steady pace as the rain falls at a steady pace as well. Blinded by the rain in his eyes Coach doesn’t see a hole and steps into it, sinking his foot up to his ankle and completely drenching his foot to the bone.)
DAMN IT!
(Coach keeps jogging as he lets out a string of obscenities, and just as the last foul word escapes his mouth a car passes him, laying on the horn and spraying him with a title wave of dirt road water.)
MOTHERFU…
(Coach stops himself and stops his jog as another car pulls up beside him slowly with the window down. “You sure look like you could use a ride,” the voice of the old man says. Coach stops and so does the car.)
Look pal, I don’t know what you want, but this stalker act is getting real old, real fast.
(The old man ignores him.)
You wanna be a wrestler kid.
WHAT!?! Are hitting on me or something old man?
(The old man starts laughing.)
I saw you changing in the locker room, you aren't my type.
(Coach shakes his head and begins to jog again, but the old man pulls up beside him again.)
That was a rib kid. Look, my name is Sal, Sal Abelman, I was a three-time world champion, and kid you got the size, speed, and obviously endurance to be a world champion yourself.
Look buddy, I don’t know a wristlock from a wristwatch, all I know about fighting is kick punch, kick punch.
Guess we could name you Kick Puncher.
(Coach shakes his head and grumbles again, but stops jogging. Coach takes time to look the car up and down, a Rolls Royce 1972 Corniche and in prestige condition.)
Nice car.
Thanks, I bought it after I won my first world championship, had it restored when I retired.
Did you buy this with wrestling money?
This, ten other cars, and five houses.
Why five houses?
Every time I got married, I bought the wife a new house, the fifth house was finally for me.
How much money can I make at this thing?
If you’re good, and you stick with it, you can make millions throughout your career.
Look, I need a lot of money and I need it fast.
This isn’t some get-rich-quick scheme kid, it takes months of training and then years of working the circuit to get your name out there before you get a big contract. Then you have to work your way up the card to the top.
What if I just go out there and beat everyone?
I mean yeah, that would work too, but….
Look pops, my worthless ass step-son watches that crap. I’ve seen those tiny arms, no muscle mass, little man-child’s, and I don’t need any special training to beat those twirps. I’ll kick them in the chest so hard their nipples will touch.
Kid, I like your style. Meet me at the gym tomorrow, five am sharp and we’ll start training.
First things first, don’t call me kid, I’m a grown-ass man.
Sure thing big guy.
Second, how about that ride?
Ride, oh no, you’re in training now big buy, have a nice run.
(Sal begins laughing as he speeds off, soaking Coach in the process. A leaf has been blown up and is stuck to Coach’s face. Coach slowly pulls it off his face, and mumbled “f**k me”.)
Shit Talking:
The Devil Incarnate and The Heartbreaker, well if you aren't the two most originally named little shits I've ever seen. You two should have picked more accurate nicknames like "vo-tech auto repair flunky" and "Mr. Insecurity".
Logan, you're lack of self-confidence is embarrassing and laughable. Who cares if other people think you’re the best, it's about knowing in your own heart and mind that you are the best. It is clearly evident by your constant need for other approval that you are not sure of yourself. This lack of self-confidence will be your downfall. You have to picture victory in your mind before you go out and claim that victory, but you clearly can't do that.
The third rule of the twenty-one rules of the Samurai is to not, under any circumstances, depend on a partial feeling. Your feeling of being the best is clearly partial, and it is abundantly clear you are weak-minded and have a weak soul. Your past coaches really did you and the noble profession of coach a disservice by not weeding you out and running you off. Clearly, they weren't hard enough on you, because if they had been you wouldn't be here, you’d be where you belong asking if I'd like fries with my burger. Either that or, you wouldn't be such an insecure little bitch.
Kevin, I think you've inhaled too many exhaust fumes while watching one too many episodes of Sons of Anarchy. Why don't you do the world and yourself a favor and go I'm your garage, shut the door and all the windows, and then rev your motorcycle until you get sleepy and go night-night.
I know your type Kevin, probably wore boots to gym class and got black marks all over the freshly waxed basketball court floor. You disrespectful little prick, do you know how hard it is to get those scuffs off of the floor? But I bet you are an expert on skid marks because you don't even have enough sense to wipe your own ass. You're just as insecure as your partner. He needs everyone to like him, and you have to surround yourself with a fake family.
You two little maggots need to understand that it doesn’t matter what other people think of you as long as you can look at yourself in the mirror and know that you are a man who will do everything possible to stand his ground and follow his beliefs. That is what this place, this sport, and this world are seriously lacking in… MEN!
I’m going to man this sport up, I’m going to man Project Honor up, and I’m going to man you two little twirps up. I’m going to do what your daddies should have done and bust your asses and tell you to stop being whiny little punks. Let me guess, neither of you had your daddies in your life, probably because no one manned them up either. It’s ok, after I kick your asses, I’ll give you a good old fashion Coach pep talk and take you to get a haircut because both of you need some damn hair buts. Long hair is for the lady’s fellas, trim it up.
Now, let’s talk about the fourth man in this match. Christopher Sabretooth, that is right, I’m calling you Christopher, I’m not calling you Havoc, that sounds stupid. You think people believe your momma named you Havoc? Get real pal. Chris, just stay out of my way and don’t get your stupid face paint on me and we won’t have any problems.
But, you and any of your pack of freaks get in my way and I’ll slap that poor Gene Simmons imitation paint job right off your face. Why do you paint your face anyway? You just really ugly or are you embarrassed to be spouting off all the stupid fantasy world dark knight bull crap that you do? You aren’t much better personality-wise than our opponents, but your record does show you a much better skilled than our opponents.
At the end of the day though, I’m not relying on Havoc to help me win this match, not because I don’t trust him, which I don’t. It’s because I’m a man, and as a man, I have to stand on my own two feet. I’ve coached my players that when you are a team you have to work together as a team and you have to do your part, but that if you don’t take care of yourself you can’t take care of the team. So, Havoc, I will take care of myself and I will do my part as a team player, and you better do your part or you’ll end up on the same team as the bastard child of Lil Nas X and Evil Knievel, Kevin Hunter, and Fart breaker Logan Bunghole. And that team is the losing team.
Should have seen me in my day.
(Coach grumbles and begins to walk past the old man.)
You play pro ball or something?
(Coach doesn’t even pay attention to the old man.)
A guy as big as you should be doing something athletic for a living.
(Once again Coach ignores him and keeps walking.)
You ever thought about rasslen?
(Coach stops and turns to look at the old man. Coach tilts his head a bit.)
The stuff on TV where dudes in their underwear rolling around with each other after lathering up with baby oil? Pass.
(Coach leaves the locker room and as he does is told his monthly payment for his gym membership was declined and he needed to make a payment before he could use the gym again. Coach is broke and angry when he gets to his car and it won’t even turn over a dead battery. Coach isn't a knowledgeable mechanic, he is, well a coach, so he is under the hood trying to figure out what is wrong with the car when he hears the old man’s voice again.)
Maybe you need some more blinker fluid.
(Coach is not amused as he comes from under the hood to see the old man, but Coach is relieved that the old man is now wearing clothes.)
I don’t know what’s wrong with this piece of shit. This is the last damn thing I needed.
You need a ride?
No, I didn’t do cardio today, I’ll just jog home.
You sure?
(Coach says nothing and slams the hood of the car shut, and as soon as he does thunder rumbles through the sky as if giving a sign. Coach grumbles and pulls the hood of his hoodie up and takes off jogging. Soon it is raining, and raining hard. Coach keeps jogging at a steady pace as the rain falls at a steady pace as well. Blinded by the rain in his eyes Coach doesn’t see a hole and steps into it, sinking his foot up to his ankle and completely drenching his foot to the bone.)
DAMN IT!
(Coach keeps jogging as he lets out a string of obscenities, and just as the last foul word escapes his mouth a car passes him, laying on the horn and spraying him with a title wave of dirt road water.)
MOTHERFU…
(Coach stops himself and stops his jog as another car pulls up beside him slowly with the window down. “You sure look like you could use a ride,” the voice of the old man says. Coach stops and so does the car.)
Look pal, I don’t know what you want, but this stalker act is getting real old, real fast.
(The old man ignores him.)
You wanna be a wrestler kid.
WHAT!?! Are hitting on me or something old man?
(The old man starts laughing.)
I saw you changing in the locker room, you aren't my type.
(Coach shakes his head and begins to jog again, but the old man pulls up beside him again.)
That was a rib kid. Look, my name is Sal, Sal Abelman, I was a three-time world champion, and kid you got the size, speed, and obviously endurance to be a world champion yourself.
Look buddy, I don’t know a wristlock from a wristwatch, all I know about fighting is kick punch, kick punch.
Guess we could name you Kick Puncher.
(Coach shakes his head and grumbles again, but stops jogging. Coach takes time to look the car up and down, a Rolls Royce 1972 Corniche and in prestige condition.)
Nice car.
Thanks, I bought it after I won my first world championship, had it restored when I retired.
Did you buy this with wrestling money?
This, ten other cars, and five houses.
Why five houses?
Every time I got married, I bought the wife a new house, the fifth house was finally for me.
How much money can I make at this thing?
If you’re good, and you stick with it, you can make millions throughout your career.
Look, I need a lot of money and I need it fast.
This isn’t some get-rich-quick scheme kid, it takes months of training and then years of working the circuit to get your name out there before you get a big contract. Then you have to work your way up the card to the top.
What if I just go out there and beat everyone?
I mean yeah, that would work too, but….
Look pops, my worthless ass step-son watches that crap. I’ve seen those tiny arms, no muscle mass, little man-child’s, and I don’t need any special training to beat those twirps. I’ll kick them in the chest so hard their nipples will touch.
Kid, I like your style. Meet me at the gym tomorrow, five am sharp and we’ll start training.
First things first, don’t call me kid, I’m a grown-ass man.
Sure thing big guy.
Second, how about that ride?
Ride, oh no, you’re in training now big buy, have a nice run.
(Sal begins laughing as he speeds off, soaking Coach in the process. A leaf has been blown up and is stuck to Coach’s face. Coach slowly pulls it off his face, and mumbled “f**k me”.)
Shit Talking:
The Devil Incarnate and The Heartbreaker, well if you aren't the two most originally named little shits I've ever seen. You two should have picked more accurate nicknames like "vo-tech auto repair flunky" and "Mr. Insecurity".
Logan, you're lack of self-confidence is embarrassing and laughable. Who cares if other people think you’re the best, it's about knowing in your own heart and mind that you are the best. It is clearly evident by your constant need for other approval that you are not sure of yourself. This lack of self-confidence will be your downfall. You have to picture victory in your mind before you go out and claim that victory, but you clearly can't do that.
The third rule of the twenty-one rules of the Samurai is to not, under any circumstances, depend on a partial feeling. Your feeling of being the best is clearly partial, and it is abundantly clear you are weak-minded and have a weak soul. Your past coaches really did you and the noble profession of coach a disservice by not weeding you out and running you off. Clearly, they weren't hard enough on you, because if they had been you wouldn't be here, you’d be where you belong asking if I'd like fries with my burger. Either that or, you wouldn't be such an insecure little bitch.
Kevin, I think you've inhaled too many exhaust fumes while watching one too many episodes of Sons of Anarchy. Why don't you do the world and yourself a favor and go I'm your garage, shut the door and all the windows, and then rev your motorcycle until you get sleepy and go night-night.
I know your type Kevin, probably wore boots to gym class and got black marks all over the freshly waxed basketball court floor. You disrespectful little prick, do you know how hard it is to get those scuffs off of the floor? But I bet you are an expert on skid marks because you don't even have enough sense to wipe your own ass. You're just as insecure as your partner. He needs everyone to like him, and you have to surround yourself with a fake family.
You two little maggots need to understand that it doesn’t matter what other people think of you as long as you can look at yourself in the mirror and know that you are a man who will do everything possible to stand his ground and follow his beliefs. That is what this place, this sport, and this world are seriously lacking in… MEN!
I’m going to man this sport up, I’m going to man Project Honor up, and I’m going to man you two little twirps up. I’m going to do what your daddies should have done and bust your asses and tell you to stop being whiny little punks. Let me guess, neither of you had your daddies in your life, probably because no one manned them up either. It’s ok, after I kick your asses, I’ll give you a good old fashion Coach pep talk and take you to get a haircut because both of you need some damn hair buts. Long hair is for the lady’s fellas, trim it up.
Now, let’s talk about the fourth man in this match. Christopher Sabretooth, that is right, I’m calling you Christopher, I’m not calling you Havoc, that sounds stupid. You think people believe your momma named you Havoc? Get real pal. Chris, just stay out of my way and don’t get your stupid face paint on me and we won’t have any problems.
But, you and any of your pack of freaks get in my way and I’ll slap that poor Gene Simmons imitation paint job right off your face. Why do you paint your face anyway? You just really ugly or are you embarrassed to be spouting off all the stupid fantasy world dark knight bull crap that you do? You aren’t much better personality-wise than our opponents, but your record does show you a much better skilled than our opponents.
At the end of the day though, I’m not relying on Havoc to help me win this match, not because I don’t trust him, which I don’t. It’s because I’m a man, and as a man, I have to stand on my own two feet. I’ve coached my players that when you are a team you have to work together as a team and you have to do your part, but that if you don’t take care of yourself you can’t take care of the team. So, Havoc, I will take care of myself and I will do my part as a team player, and you better do your part or you’ll end up on the same team as the bastard child of Lil Nas X and Evil Knievel, Kevin Hunter, and Fart breaker Logan Bunghole. And that team is the losing team.